Apocalypse Now: Newt Considering Palin For V.P. Or Secretary of Energy

  grifter singularity

The Grifter Singularity has occurred (in theory, anyway), and it is the WORST APOCALYPSE EVER, courtesy of The Hill:

Newt Gingrich said that former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin would be among the candidates that he would consider when considering a potential running mate, adding that the former GOP vice presidential nominee would be an ideal candidate for Secretary of Energy.

Perfection. Imagine the delightful times they’ll have, thumbing through the Tiffany catalog while helicopter hunting squads kill off the last wolves and bears and, eventually, squirrels … all while oil companies drop actual sacks of gold on the White House, which will be covered in Big Gulp advertisements. [The Hill]

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145 comments

  1. hagajim

    This bitch is a snowbilly zombie – she just won't die! Yeah Newt…put the grifter in charge of the nukes…smart move fuckin' moran!

  2. Lucidamente1

    Gingrich added, "I would also include Donald Trump among the candidates for Secretary of Commerce. And Rick Perry for Secretary of Education. And Rick Santorum for Secretary of Health and Human Services."

  3. voodooeconomics

    Palin would make an excellent Minister of House Appliances
    not too busy, not too nutty, just right for her IQ.

  4. Tundra Grifter

    To ask if Ole Newt is delusional might unintentionally suggest he enjoys occasional moments of sanity.

    He was so damn smug when he was leading in the polls. Apparently he is just as smarmy when he's at the bottom.

    Perhaps he thinks he's going to climb back up again. Hasn't he noticed that the GNoPee Flavor-of-the-Week never repeats?

    How's that Black Walnut workin' out for ya? You betcha!

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Not to mention that as "Chief Executive" of the State of Alaska, she completely ignored the Lower Yukon food and fuel crisis of 2009. She actually never did act on behalf of her constituents as Governor (but she did bring Jesus cookies on a Samaritan's Purse lear-jet fleet junket.)

      How would she respond to a fuel crisis as the Energy Czar of fungible commodities?

  5. SorosBot

    Oh no you don't, Newt; that two-bit grifter's fifteen minutes are finally up, you don't go and make her relevant so we have to see that face and that voice on our teevees again.

    1. Barb

      Watch, the bitch will show up in ragtag clothes again and expect the RNC to buy her whole family a whoredrobe. Oopsie, wardrobe. Sorry, I am out of White-Out over here.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    What a great presidency a Gingrich administration would make — he's got the attention span of a lightning bolt, the listening abilities of a donkey, the hubris of a Siamese cat, and he intends to fill his cabinet with incompetent, knowledge-averse partisan divas (because that's pretty much all he has to choose from now). He should really be the president of Zimbabwe instead of the US — that way, he might do some good and he couldn't possibly make things any worse.

    1. Negropolis

      Robert Mugabe libel!

      Honestly, when is that fucker going to die, already? Won't someone put out there that we've found oil in Zimbabwe, or that Mugs is selling uranium to Iran, or that he's practicing white chattel slavery, or that he knows where Natalee Holloway is?

  7. bumfug

    If Newt had thought this through he'd have realized that if they were ever elected she'd have him killed within three months.

    1. flamingpdog

      She'd fire a rifle at him, but the bullet would quit and drop to the ground halfway through its flight.

      1. GhostBuggy

        Yeah, but the die-hards don't blame Palin, it was ol' librul McCain who let "that one" win the White House.

  8. Mrspanky

    Dementia demonstrates itself in surprising ways.

    With McCain, it was thinking that the Snowbilly Grifter was qualified to be just a heartbeat away from running the Free World.

    With Newt, his constant, perverted lust makes him confuse "Viagra sex with crazy MILF" with "Secretary of the Department of Energy".

  9. flamingpdog

    There are also some very important Cabinet positions that she could fill very, very well," Gingrich said.

    Yeah, all the shelves in the kitchen cabinets, with food and stuff.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      He seriously had a word salad going on this little soft-shoe, they are so well versed in each other. . .

    1. Negligently_Joe

      I could see that happening: As a historian, Newt Gingrich wouldn't see any problems with some sort of tripartite executive. What's the worst that could go wrong, really?

      I guess… I guess what I'm saying is that he's a really shitty historian.

    1. savethispatient

      Although, I suppose "someone I'd consider" is the get-out clause here. Heard that used before by many candidates.
      Sarah Palin would never take another government job, she'd never take that kind of pay-cut.

    1. PocketsTheClown

      Five bucks says the GOP nominee has zero chance to win on purpose. They just want the DNC to waste all their money and time on it. The real conservative sand in the gears is winning Senate races. I seriously think the GOP is shorting the market on the Presidency.

  10. paris biltong

    When Palin comes out and declares, I bet she won't suggest picking Newt as a running mate. Possibly secretary of something.

  11. Rotundo_

    If there was evidence that Newt! has realized that he isn't going to take Iowa and the rest of the lot to follow either, this is it. He's just fucking with people now and peddling books. You can only attribute so much to stupidity and hubris, this is in a whole new territory.

    1. real_dc_native

      True, but if this brings back the Palin zombie from her well deserved media limbo, I'll hate him even more.

  12. BarackMyWorld

    Some (political) scientists predicted we would exhaust our supply of Palin material by now, but apparently recycling really works. Thanks, Newt!

  13. Indiepalin

    Newt contemplating his VP pick reminds me of the times I've agonized over who my date will be when I receive the Academy Award nomination for best actor.

    1. starfanglednut

      Omg, it is so terrifying. Can a president really do that? Abolish the Department of Energy, the Department of Education, and the EPA? Thus country could literally burn if one of these sociopaths gets into power.

      1. soojank

        I feel like there was another one but I legitimately can't remember. oh wow.

        EDIT: pretty sure it was Department of Commerce.

    2. Negligently_Joe

      This actually might be what Newt's thinking: Lou Sarah's quitting problem wouldn't be a issue at the Department of Energy, because the department would cease to exist shortly thereafter. BRILLIANT.

  14. comrad_darkness

    Sarah Palin who claimed Alaska produced 20% of the nation's energy, when it actually produces less than 4%.

    Since Gingrich is a republican, she sounds over qualified.

    1. irishdave3

      Santorum Surge…is that another way of saying Iowa' un-natural disaster is result of a Brown Tide?

  15. user-of-owls

    Now I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm on board with the whole killing squirrels thing. On the other hand….WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?! It's time to bite off the other hand and spit it out on a jesus statue. gah.

    1. flamingpdog

      Sarah and who? If Newtie put Sarah on the ticket as Vice-Grifter, Clitsta would be back in GA punching the keys on a WalMart cash register waiting for the alimony that she'd never see.

  16. real_dc_native

    When did the GOP become clown-college? It wasn't always like this. Was it sudden or has it been a steady decline since Saint Ronald took over?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Saint Ronald gave it a real shove, but three stooges named Harding, Coolidge, and Hoover got things off to a great start.

  17. Negropolis

    They can ship this whole class of characters to Afghanistan. No one has lost any.

    Oh, Ms. Heath. They don't know how to quit you, bless their hearts.

  18. KeepFnThatChicken

    Y'know, I was actually kinda wistful about not laughing at Alaskrazy lately. I was wrong. Fucking wrong.

  19. FlyOverGirl

    Can you only fathom how every presser begins with Snowbilly as Sec of Energy?

    "Now turn to chapter 3 of my book, Going Rogue, that y'all can be buyin' on the Amazons for jest $18.80. Evurybudy needz tuh readh my buuk tuh see how tuh fix thuh world."

  20. CommieLibunatic

    Palin as Secretary of Energy? You may as well put me in charge of research in theoretical physics because I played Half-Life once.

  21. carlgt1

    hahaha and Newt is the smartest Repug too – being a distinguished professor history at distinguished West Kennesaw (Georgia) State College of Sister Fuckers or whatever….

Comments are closed.