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Uh-oh, guys, get your haz-mat suits out from the bottom of the survival kit: we are noticing a rapidly growing flood of “Santorum surging” stories out there right now, GAH. Rick Santorum has shot into third place in Iowa in the latest NBC-Marist poll, which means that every last weepy Republican homophobe who has actively campaigned in the state this election season has finally gotten a turn at some top-tier attention before the caucuses, hooray. Sadly, he will probably never make it to the actual top of the trash heap and we will therefore be denied all the terrifying “SANTORUM BUBBLE BURSTS” headlines of doom. Which of Rick Santorum’s ridiculous policy ideas are finally endearing him to bigoted voters?

Oh look, it must be his plan to fix poverty, via HuffPo:

“Do you know if you do two things in your life — if you do two things in your life, you’re guaranteed never to be in poverty in this country? What two things, that if you do, will guarantee that you will not be in poverty in America?” he asked the crowd.

“Number one, graduate from high school. Number two, get married. Before you have children,” he said. “If you do those two things, you will be successful economically. What does that mean to a society if everybody did that? What that would mean is that poverty would be no more. If you want to have a strong economy, there are two basic things we can do.”

This magic formula only applies if you are straight married, of course. Gay marriage makes you poor. So does being a minority, often, and also maybe just the fact that there are four job applicants for every job opening in America right now. Eh, details. [HuffPo/ WaPo]

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