CULTS IN THE NEWS  7:13 pm December 29, 2011

Virginia GOP Now Requiring Blood Oath, Firstborn To Vote In Primary

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh right, like the Freemasons haven't been in charge all along.

Virginia’s Republican party leadership is a little bit nervous about this thing, “democracy,” that occasionally turns up results at odds with the agreed-upon election outcomes devised among their secret society of Ogre Kings, so this Super Tuesday they will be requiring voters to sign over their souls with a promise to support the eventual GOP nominee in the general election as a condition for being able to cast a ballot in the primary. Since the state has an open primary and Mitt Romney and Ron Paul were the only two candidates organized enough to qualify, we can think of this mostly as a STAY AWAY sign for the apocryphal hordes of librul anti-war, pot legalization-supporter hippies that Republicans fear will turn out to stoke mischief with a primary vote for Ron Paul. And yet, many voters are not exactly thrilled about this weird attempt at MIND CONTROL.

“To be fair” or whatever, voters were also Not Cool with a similar oath that the party tried to require in 2008, and it was eventually struck down amid wide revolt. Given that this was an enormous failure, uh, just try it again? SURE, seems like everyone is way more excited about it this time around.

From HamptonRoads.com:

[Virginia GOP delegate Bob] Marshall Thursday called on Virginia Republican leaders to ask state election officials to undo their approval of the loyalty oath, casting it as the wrong approach to protect the integrity of the primary.

“Loyalty oaths are detested by many good Republicans who solidly back our party’s principles and who have never voted for a Democrat in their lives,” the Prince William County Republican said in a statement.

Marshall also questioned the fiscal wisdom of “requiring Virginia election workers to enforce a Republican loyalty oath in a primary paid for by the general taxpayer.”

At the request of the Virginia GOP, the State Board of Election Wednesday approved a plan to present primary voters with a pledge affirming they will support the eventual GOP nominee as a condition of voting in the presidential nominating contest.

PSSST, they can’t actually make anyone prove they will follow the pledge, like all such annoying pledges. Maybe just a “no gun, no vote” sign out front would be more effective? [Richmond Times-Dispatch/ HamptonRoads.com]

 

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{ 333 comments }

DerrickWildcat December 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Hitler!

Negligently_Joe December 29, 2011 at 7:27 pm

You know who else said "no gun no vote" ?
You know who else was afraid of Democrats spoiling his fun?
You know who else solidly supports Republican party principles and never voted for a Democrat in their lives?
You know who else would probably vote for Ron Paul in the Iowa Caucus?

What did I win?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 29, 2011 at 7:49 pm

A heated kidney shaped pool, a microwave oven
Don't watch the food cook
A Dyna-Gym, I'll personally demonstrate it
In the privacy of your own home
A king size Titanic unsinkable
Molly Brown water bed with polybendum

A foolproof plan and an airtight alibi
Real simulated Indian jewelry
A Gucci shoetree, a year's supply of antibiotics
A personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
And Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number
A beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick
Rosemary's baby
A dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams

A new Matador, a new mastodon, a Maverick
A Mustang, a Montego, a Merc Montclair
A Mark IV, a meteor, a Mercedes, an MG
Or a Malibu, a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati
A Mac truck, a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped
A Winnebago, hell, a herd of Winnebagos
We're giving 'em away
Or how about a McCulloch chainsaw

A Las Vegas wedding, a Mexican divorce
A solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot
Or a baby's arm holding an apple.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Did you know this by heart? (I saw these guys when they opened for Mott the Hoople many, many moons ago)

Monsieur_Grumpe December 29, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Cut-N-Paste
I saw The Tubes a couple of years ago. They still sound good.

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

Had to be many moons ago if Mott the Hoople was headlining. Great band, though!

MilwaukeeKent December 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Alright, You. Go kidnap an heiress and threaten her with a knife…

Negligently_Joe December 29, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Weirdest Jeopardy prize ever

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm

"A classic deluxe, custom-designer, luxury, prestige, high-quality, premium, select, gourmet, pocket pencil sharpener. And, it’s yours for the asking. No purchase necessary. It’s our way of saying thank you. And, if you act now, we’ll include an extra-added brief complimentary bonus gift. A classic, deluxe custom designer luxury, prestige, high quality, premium, select, gourmet, combination key-ring, magnifying glass and garden hose, in a genuine, imitation, leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. It’s yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It’s our way of saying thank you." — George Carlin (who left us too soon)

CapeClod December 30, 2011 at 8:23 am

Make it a Haitian divorce. Just because the old Steely Dan song is cool.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Hey, Cute Stuff… I have sent the maid home early.

jaytingle December 30, 2011 at 9:41 am

Did anyone else catch the Tubes reference? Fuck, I'm old.

GOPCrusher December 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I was a punk before you was a punk. You don't believe me? Just step outside and see me.

El Pinche December 29, 2011 at 7:57 pm

A year's supply of NoBaby! abortion pills (sold in most supermarkets in the bubblegum aisle).

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar

littlebigdaddy December 29, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Dude, that's not how the game is played. You have to say "You know who *else* demanded a loyalty oath?"

WunkRocker December 30, 2011 at 9:37 am

Maccaca?!

SudsMcKenzie December 29, 2011 at 9:22 pm

All of them?

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

A bit of premature Godwin there.

Arken December 29, 2011 at 10:52 pm

I recently learned the phrase 'Reductio ad Hitlerum' which sounds much classier than Godwin.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

Harry Potter's eighth year?

Bluestatelibel December 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Wait, this signing over your soul to Satan when you vote Republican…I thought they all did that anyway?

DustBowlBlues December 29, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Republicans are wired so that the loyalty oath is their default.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Only for others.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 10:16 pm

It's their "Hail Mary" play.

hagajim December 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Nah. I used to vote for the worst Republican possible in every Idaho primary just to give the Dem a chance. Never worked though, because it's fucking Idaho!

Tommmcattt December 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm

"Ich schwöre bei Gott diesen heiligen Eid, daß ich dem Führer des Amerikkan Reiches und Volkes Mittens Romney, dem Oberbefehlshaber der Wehrmacht, unbedingten Gehorsam leisten und als tapferer Soldat bereit sein will, jederzeit für diesen Eid mein Leben einzusetzen."

It's an oldie but a goodie.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Eid?

Hitler was a Crypto-Muslim! Call the Birther Police!

MosesInvests December 29, 2011 at 10:47 pm

He was in fact known as Abu 'Ali to his Arab supporters. The chief of those was Haj Amin el-Husseini, the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem and acknowledged head of the Palestinian Arabs. Haj 'Amin spent much of the war at the Eagle's Nest, Hitler's home in the Bavarian Alps, except when he was trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to recruit Bosnian Muslims to fight for the Germans. He was wanted by the Yugoslav government after the war for war crimes. None of this should be taken to mean that I think Arabs/Muslims are Nazis, or that Israel shouldn't make peace with the Palestinians. Just a little historical perspective.

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 10:52 pm

The Muslims back then didn't know they were next in line right after Hitler took care of his "Jewish problem." Lucky for them the Final Solution ran out of gas at around 6 million and counting.

Negligently_Joe December 30, 2011 at 2:22 am

To be fair, the Lehi were pretty fucking slow on the uptake, too.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Gott in mutterfickende Himmel.

thebeatgoeson December 29, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I think it's "Gott in Mutterfickenden Himmel" to be precise. Although Google translates "motherfucking" as "Scheiß" – those Germans always have to get the shit in there somewhere…

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I didn't bother to check the gender of Himmel, but Google or no Google, mutterfickenden would not be capitalized, because it is an adjective.

thebeatgoeson December 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Mein Schlecht. Du bist richtig. Entschuldigen!

littlebigdaddy December 29, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I lived in Austria for awhile, and know all those words.

Wadisay December 30, 2011 at 10:29 am

Romney is praying, Gott Mitt Uns.

Doktor Zoom December 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm

You wanna vote? WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE???????????

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 7:58 pm

If they required a birth certificate here in VA to vote, then I would be in trouble because:
1) It was issued in Kentucky.
2) My parents weren't related to each other.
3) The doctor who delivered me was from India who had a 13-letter last name, which probably made him one of those Hindoos or maybe even a secret Mooslim.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Re: #2, are you sure you were born in Kentucky?

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I see what you did there.
Maybe my birth certificate was forged? Guess I can't run for President. Damn.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Well played, sir; well played.

WunkRocker December 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

"3) The doctor who delivered me was from India who had a 13-letter last name, which probably made him one of those Hindoos or maybe even a secret Mooslim."
Meaning you aint even 'murican enuff to vote.

starfanglednut December 30, 2011 at 7:20 am

Everybody knows Hindus and Muslims are the same thing.

GOPCrusher December 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm

That's just Sikh.

Beetagger December 29, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I hope they test voters for the gay as well. Lord knows who those people would vote for.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Probably someone who would make their lives better instead of worse.
Go understand people.

MosesInvests December 30, 2011 at 1:07 am

Marcus, maybe?

Biff December 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:02 pm

I don't know if you are in VA, but this is what we often say in regards to the actions of VA conservatives.

Biff December 29, 2011 at 8:41 pm

NV, similar.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Don't even get me started on TN.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I don't have to get you started. I can only offer my sympathies.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Here in CA, conservatards are so endangered you need to do an environmental impact report before every election.

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm

You don't live in Orange County. obvs.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 9:10 pm

San Diego, to be exact. We think there might be some kind of government here, but no one’s really interested in it, so it’s run by bipartisan crooks.

JustPixelz December 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm

The Repubicans have thrown in the towel on "better ideas" as the path to victory. Now they're more like a guy who buys his date an expensive dinner and are all like "you at least owe me a handjob" afterward. In other words, they've become Newt Gingrich.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm

It's worked for the jewelry industry every Christmas, looking at their television advertising…

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:38 pm

"Buy her a diamond. She'll pretty much have to." — jewelry commercial on Family Guy

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Mandy and Niedermeyer were the perfect Rethuglicans.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm

"Darn it Greg; if you're not even gonna try, I'm just gonna stop!"

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Oh, no!
I *knew* something was wrong!
Niedermeyer was the marginally less attractive one (??) who used to yell, "YOU'RE ALL WORTHLESS AND WEAK!", and who later played a vampire on an entire season of "Buffy".
Greg was Greg Marmalard; his best moment was when Dean Wormer said, "How about Niedermeyer, he's a sneaky little shit just like you are, isn't he?"

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:39 pm

"a guy who buys his date an expensive dinner and are all like "you at least owe me a handjob" afterward"

More like, buys some CEO in the 1% an expensive dinner, sticks some minimum-wage schmendrick with the bill, and gets a handjob from his rentboy.

Doktor Zoom December 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm

The only sure way to eliminate voter fraud is to eliminate voting.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 9:04 pm

There's a "then only frauds would be voting" joke in there somewhere, but, meh, I'm not gonna move away from the flat screen just to salt a path down the driveway to it.

Dudleydidwrong December 29, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Virginia replies "We're working on that, assuming that Florida doesn't hold a patent."

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Shorter Virginia: "We had to burn the village to save the village."

Really, though, that was brilliant because it's so true with how their mind works.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Don't give them any ideas — not that an idea in their tiny, empty heads wouldn't die of loneliness anyway.

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 7:23 pm

It's like watching a Klansman with a congenital heart defect about to run a 10K — part of you wants to warn him not to do it, but most of you wants to watch the inevitable collapse.

Then part of you is ashamed for wanting to laugh, but you know you're not just going to laugh, but cheer and applaud when it happens.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:05 pm

The VA General Assembly is usually a similar spectacle.

flamingpdog December 29, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Virginia is for Kluxers.

PalinzADummy December 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm

You bring out the best beast in me, mem.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Martin Sexton libel!!!

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Marshawn Lynch libel!

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 12:52 am

I have to admit I now (retroactively) wish the Packers had made just a little better offer.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Bruce Banner libel!

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Michael J. Fox libel!

PalinzADummy December 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

Looks like mem brings out teh beast in a whole LOTTA people!~

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 1:16 am

he's a regular Marc Singer, that one.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 3:36 am

That's what she said.

You must forgive me. I'm an immature 20-something.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Jesus Christ eating crunchy critters! When even "Sideshow Bob" Marshall thinks it's a stupid idea, you know it's got to be a really stupid idea.

OkieDokieDog December 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm

If they were "real conservatives" they'd just save the taxpayers dollars by skipping the primary entirely, and just tell the Goopers who they're getting on the general election ballot (some white dude and that black commie socialist nazi guy).

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:20 pm

So you're thinking that there might be some white dude left on the GOP side come March 6? I'm amazed at your prognosticating abilities!

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:41 pm

"I'm amazed at your prognosticating abilities!"

What the hell do you do, look in her windows with binoculars like a pervy ol' pervert??
Oh, wait; you said "prognosticating".
Carry on, then.

weejee December 29, 2011 at 7:31 pm

How about the flashlight test? The poll worker shines a flashlight into the left ear of the would be Rethug voter and if the light beam shines through and out their right ear they can vote. Even Schrodinger's cat has vacated Rethug cranial back alleys.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:22 pm

That test will be implemented for the 2016 primaries.

yyyaz December 29, 2011 at 9:32 pm

It was starving.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:43 pm

What, was throwing them in the water to see if they float too complicated?

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 12:55 am

How about the flatulence test? Fart in one ear and sniff the other?

Mmm. Maybe not.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:51 pm

This does have the positive quality of allowing us to fart on wingnuts. In fact, I'll bet if we tell them it'll cut taxes to the top 1%, or deregulate corporations, or do something bad to illegal immigrants, they'll let us fart on them repeatedly.

Buckminster December 31, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Schrodinger's cat peed in that narrow alley and evacuated immediately.

Callyson December 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Actually, this is no big deal. It all depends on what your definition of "support" is…
For example, I can support the crushing defeat of whoever gets the GOP nomination this coming November. I also support that person's ineptitude leading to the loss of the House, and numerous GOP defeats in the Senate and in statehouses across the country. See, I support your nominee in numerous ways! 'Scusi, time to vote!

PeaceWithHonor December 29, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Loyalty oath=freedom

Chet Kincaid December 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm

…just like Nixon=on the downlow

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:11 am

And smaller government.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm

First it was the Soccer Moms, then the Angry White Males. This year the prized demographic is the Fingers Crossed Behind My Back Dopers.

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 7:42 pm

And there was no-one left to speak for them.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 8:38 pm

And thus they were snatched up in the treblinka of an eye.

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 9:55 pm

I'm not sure I can play this game, not with concentration camps. There are some subjects that are just off-limits these days. I have to look after my sobiboriety.

flamingpdog December 29, 2011 at 10:18 pm

I heard somewhere that Hugh Downs sponsored "Concentration" camps for kids during the summer months.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:47 pm

And, I have to look after my Mah's cow.

Doktor Zoom December 30, 2011 at 12:18 am

Pull the other leg–it's got Belsen.

user-of-owls December 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I understand, it is pretty Grimaldi. Now I feel like a sLOB OR even worse.

GuanoFaucet December 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm

The Virginia GOP's original plan was to allow only people wearing brown shirts to vote.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Apparently the Virginia GOP is weak on comprehending the whole "secret ballot" thing.

Spurning Beer December 29, 2011 at 9:19 pm

The US Constitution does not specify secret ballots. These Virginians are strict Constitutional constructionists. About this and slavery, anyway.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 7:39 pm

So they'd have to sign a pledge to support the Godless Mormon?

Wouldn't that make half the VA GOP spontaneously combust?

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Yes, it would. The good thing is they would spontaneously combust. The downside is the clean-up from said combustion.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Leave us hope.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Oh please, oh please.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm

They're getting scared that Obama is actually starting to look good (less worse) to some of these wingtards.

Blueb4sunrise December 29, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I won't even try to guess what the Gooper Leaders or rank and file are thinking, but that's a great way of framing it . As in "Is Obama Starting to Look Good to Republicans?" Hey, just asking!

Between that and the Third Way thing, some are probably squirting a few blobs in their drawers.

dadanarchist December 29, 2011 at 7:42 pm

I have a better method: If they float, they're a homo-aborto-peacenik-vegan-lesbian-negrospanic-atheiomuslo-soshulism-fascist, and they can't vote. If they sink and drown, they're a GOoPer and they can vote.

Also, too, this way we all win.

Schmannnity December 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Pinky swear you Paultard saboteur!

edgydrifter December 29, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Not to be outdone, Texas Republicans will require voters to prove their loyalty to the party by killing one white Democrat or two Mexicans of any affiliation before being allowed to cast a ballot in the open primary.

DustBowlBlues December 29, 2011 at 8:44 pm

In Oklahoma they spray for Democrats.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:50 pm

How many blacks for a one white Democrat?

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:28 am

1 2/3 assuming the three fifths compromise applied to Texas.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 9:08 pm

I was so seeing if someone would pick up on that and run with it. lol

poncho_pilot December 31, 2011 at 2:58 pm

i'm like a little kid. it can't be helped. don't ever send me to the store to buy a cow. you will end up with magic beans in the end.

arihaya December 30, 2011 at 4:39 am

"by killing one white Democrat "

sadly in Tejas, this is an endangered species with its habitat confined to the city of Austin

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 29, 2011 at 7:46 pm

But doesn't it have to be signed in the blood of a new born child to be binding?

Or is that only deals with Dick Cheney?

AlterNewt December 29, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Once again, I wish to register my outrage as per this topic.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 29, 2011 at 7:50 pm

You all laugh now, but you won't laugh at the mass graves of Virginians next November when they won't support President Ron Paul.

nedbeaumontjr December 30, 2011 at 8:58 am

Yes, I will.

flamingpdog December 29, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Anyone who wants to vote must sign a form at the polling place pledging to support the eventual Republican nominee for president.

I thought the Civil Rights Act of 1964 did away with the Paul tax.

Blueb4sunrise December 29, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Oh man.
Whatever is the current cool thing to say about an excellent comment

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 9:03 pm

The VA GOP is just trying to put that "states' rights" bullshit into practice. Again.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Fuckin' brilliant! Give this poster more of your pee. Shower hthis poster with your pee.

ManchuCandidate December 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Old fat white people are sure funny.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:48 pm

But looks aren't everything.

yyyaz December 29, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Oh yeah? Just exactly how are they "funny"? Do they make you laugh? Are they like clowns that you laugh at? Huh? Is that it? They make you wanna laugh at them? Come on! Tell me! You like to laugh at them? Is that what makes them "funny"?

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:16 am

Loved that movie!

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:55 pm

No, that's what makes short, cranky, New York Italians funny.

flamingpdog December 29, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Funny-looking, that is!

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Old fat black people are, too. Ever seen a Tyler Perry or Martin Lawrence cross-dressing flick? Actually, now that I think about that, I take that back.

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 1:00 am

Well, speaking as an old fat white person, I find being one less and less funny.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Meatloaf? Is that you?

PuglyDoRight December 29, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Putin would be proud.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:54 pm

In Soviet Russia, party pledges loyalty to you!

Wait, wha?!

rickmaci December 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm

As would Stalin.

cheetojeebus December 29, 2011 at 8:07 pm

So, My cousin Stanton, He's from Virginia, Just did a "Kardashian", yep, Dumped her on his honeymoon. Found out she was a virgin, " If'n her daddy don't want 'er, neither do I"

Did ya hear about that talkin pig up in the hills? Newsman went up there to see it for hiself, Sure nuf, pig greeted him at the gate with a hearty "who the hell are you, Git now, less you want some trouble!" The farmer came up 'bout then. So, he asked him " Why does he only have three legs?" "Well, you don't expect us to eat him all at once! He can talk"

Texan_Bulldog December 29, 2011 at 8:08 pm

"Maybe just a “no gun, no vote” sign out front would be more effective?"

If not, a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" sign should do the trick, too.

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm

That wouldn't work. It would disqualify half of the Republican voters in the state.

Thank you! I'll be at the "Laugh-A-Lot-Hut" in the Short Pump area near Richmond. Try their shrimp! It's terrific!

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:19 am

Or you could just put a "Push" sign over the "Pull" on the door and the dumb fucks would think it was locked and go home.

donner_froh December 29, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Sign me up. In order to be a godparent I have already renounced "Satan and all His works" which the Virginia GOP a bit minor league.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Michael Corleone libel!!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I trust that you had your fingers crossed!

WhatTheHeck December 29, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Virginia just sowing their wild oaths.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 8:20 pm

It seems all the Old South states really compete to be the biggest turd in the punch bowl. As a Texan I can point out we're always at the tip of that spear (although most will say 'God Bless Mississippi' for being first) but the competition is fierce. Alabama, West Virginia, Jeebus, the front-runners are always trying to be number one!

Loaded_Pants December 29, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Virginia is "almost" a northern state and that's why, imo, they always try a bit harder in the competition. And they always try SO hard.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:57 pm

That's how I've always seen it. There has been a Northern incursion into VA since they created DC, and VA feels the need to reassert its Southerness more than most because of the preceived threat to their Suth'uhn culture.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Also, they're overcompensating for Jefferson and his shameful legacy of learning and reason.

DustBowlBlues December 29, 2011 at 8:48 pm

How could you leave us out of your list? Redneck libel!

chascates December 29, 2011 at 9:00 pm

The 'Indian Territory' has had a lot less time as a state in order to work its mischief. Plus my own father and his side of the family came from around Sayre.
My maternal grandmother (who died in the mid-1960s) remembered following a wagon as her parents moved to there from Arkansas (and this in the late 1890s?). At least in the strip you can live it up and drive to Liberal, Kansas!

finallyhappy December 30, 2011 at 11:59 am

Ok, so the other day, at the museum, I am talking to someone about the Supreme Court ruling in 1967 to allow interracial marriage(the Loving Case). Some other related topics come up and then a big white guy comes up to me and says "you don't understand the South. And he was epecially offended that Alabama(his home state) was mentioned as being the last state to take the laws against interracial marriage off their books(in 2000). I'm sorry but it is a fact- so I can't help it if Alabama is offended.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 10:02 pm

"I am talking to someone about the Supreme Court ruling in 1967 to allow interracial marriage(the Loving Case)."

Didn't the wife of this couple (Loving vs. Virginia, iirc) just pass away recently?

Also, the cracker who told you that you didn't "understand the South" had his nose bent out of shape because you dared to acknowledge the existence of racism, instead of accepting it as the way things are supposed to be. I used to live in the South. Southerners who tell non-Southerners that they "don't understand the South" are like married guys in pickup bars who say that their wives "don't understand them". In both cases, what the speaker is *really* objecting to is being understood only too well.

finallyhappy December 31, 2011 at 8:46 am

Yes, Mildred Loving did die recently- 2008- her husband died much earlier- their car was hit by a drunk driver(I think). There was a documentary done recently on the case which I saw this summer. One of the speakers after the film was one of the two ACLU lawyers who took the case. I guess the lawyer didn't understand the South either- or he would have let things be.

HistoriCat December 31, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Who the hell wants to understand the South? I've lived in Texas for close to two decades now and I've decided that Lincoln's big mistake was that he was too nice to those fuckers. Maybe if there had been some more hangings back then we wouldn't have had to put up with a bunch of Southern bullshit ever since.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 8:28 pm

You go to vote with the candidate you have, not the candidate you want to have. Like it any better now GOP fuckers?

Come here a minute December 29, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Now every Virginia county Republican committee will compete to see which one can make the biggest stack of bibles to swear on.

DustBowlBlues December 29, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Just as long as the bibles are KJV.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Or, in Mitt's case, JSV.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Say, your boots ain't black and your shirt ain't brown, Get back, Jack, you can't get down vote now!
~

Rotundo_ December 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm

No problem, just donate one cent by credit card and the resultant cost for acceptance will be a net loss for the GOP of who knows how much in fees while you still can have the moral superiority of having been a supporter. Okay, raise the stakes to 50 cents or a buck, the net cost of processing is greater than the value of the donation unless it is in a bulk donation like the Salvation Army kettles or something similar. Just make sure it is an expensive to process, low value donation. Or better yet, volunteer and fuck up, as badly as possible and still hang on, but be expensive and cost them money and voters. Breathe heavily before starting the campaign schpiel and tell those nice folks you have COPD or allergies when they ask. Loyalty can have all sorts of consequences.

WIDTAP December 29, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Virginia GOP assigns all of their delegates as SuperDelegates assigned by political cronies in 3…2..1…

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Wait, WHAT the Fucking HELL?? Are they going to install monitoring systems or whatever to make sure those who sign their Fascist "loyalty oaths" actually follow up, and if not, WHAT? GITMO? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE FUCKING PEOPLE???

Dudleydidwrong December 29, 2011 at 10:39 pm

C'mon, you know their motto: Virginia is for Assholes

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Memo to the GOP: Burn Baby, Burn.

OneYieldRegular December 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Republicans are requiring so many pledges that the lingering lemony scent doesn't even begin to compensate for the wood veneer having been completely stripped away to reveal the tacky particle board underneath.

MilwaukeeKent December 29, 2011 at 8:46 pm

You know a political party is on the losing side when they have to tie the process up in knots. Assuming the DOJ doesn't knock this out, good luck to the Virginia GOP enforcing this oath. Idiocy.

Tundra Grifter December 29, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Back in 2008, Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush launched "Operation Chaos," that encouraged Republicans to cross over and vote in the Democratic primary for the perceived weaker candidate.

Now the reactionaries think it's a bad idea? Kinda like making fun of Mr. Obama for not being Christian enough, but not really liking it when some people say Mittens isn't really a Christian.

BlunderRush, of course, may not be the formal head of the GNoPee, but he sure thinks he is.

arihaya December 29, 2011 at 8:46 pm

singning a blood pact? now finally GOP come clean as a cult, aren't they

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 8:50 pm

What next. videocams in each voting booth? "Monitors" or "Minders" to check on future compliance? Coming soon to a voting precinct near you.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm

But they'll say they're not there for compliance, they're there for 'safety' and 'integrity of the voting process'.

Compliance.

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Well, in that case, I guess it's all right. Whew! Had me going for a minute there.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Look, we tried democracy and there were a lot of problems with it. So now we're doing this. Don't be such a fuddy-duddy…embrace the change!

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 9:29 pm

“It would be a lot easier if this was a Dictatorship, as long as I was the Dictator, heh, heh.” Guess who?

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Hit–??
Oh, wait; that can't be right.

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Close enough, if you substitute “idiot” for “evil”.

KenLayIsAlive December 30, 2011 at 1:15 am

To me, GWB will always be our Hitler.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

Anakin Skywalker?

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 12:05 am

"Anakin Skywalker?"

I think that's for when someone asks, "You know who *else* was a whiny little bitch?".

ttommyunger December 30, 2011 at 8:02 am

Close, very close.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Is it too late to get the United Nations to send in observers?

(Memo to U.N.: probably a good idea to not use the black helicopters.)

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 11:10 pm

What makes you think State would issue Visas? BTW, I love it when Obama/Hilary lecture other countries about civil rights, ankle deep in blood.

Goonemeritus December 29, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Hey Virgina I don't think doubling down is going to work this time. I say embrace your destiny as a Ron Paul State maybe he will give you all rides on the blimp.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Loyalty oaths have a rich patina of Republican tradition. Back in the Red Scare days (approx 1848-1990), Repubes liked to demand that teachers, firemen, sewer workers, etc all swear their eternal fealty to US America and capitalism. So this is steeped in tradition. Sure, the secret ballot is something that has a tradition too, but it's more important to keep the pranksters from voting for Ron Paul. Republicans have principles, but they don't let those principles get in the way of doing what they want. So fuck it, words mean what Republicans want them to mean at the moment they are spoken.

Well okay, principles that you abandon when they're inconvenient aren't really "principles" at all. The more accurate term would be "bumper stickers."

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:54 pm

"Republicans have principles, but they don't let those principles get in the way of doing what they want."

Well, shit, it's not like they would have gotten this much power on merit or anything.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:30 pm

They're not principles … they're more like guidelines.

prommie December 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

I throw up in my mouth, a lot, every fucking time I attend any fucking function that some fucktard has decided should open with the pledgeallegiance, I am a grown-ass man and I don't do that fucking kinder-fucking-garten shit.

V572 the Merciless December 30, 2011 at 10:25 am

One nation, under Jeebus

PuckStopsHere December 29, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Sure it's a slight breach of etiquette, but why not go straight to the "triple dog dare 'ya" to vote Democratic in the General?

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Yes?

BarackMyWorld December 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Welcome to level 13 of the Republican Party's ten levels of crazy.

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:17 pm

crazies all the way down.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm

"pot legalization-supporter hippies that Republicans fear will turn out to stoke mischief"

Hehe, I see what you did there.

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm

You guys! You guys!
This is totally off topic, but too good not to share in this week of post-xmas doldrums:

So I'm going for my walk to get some nice fresh air and exercise, and the light post has one of those labels stuck to it that says HELLO MY NAME IS

And someone has filled in, "Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:43 pm

You mean, one of these?

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Yeah, except the one I saw was in green ink on a blue-bordered label.

ThundercatHo December 30, 2011 at 12:04 am

I got my husband one of those shirts and he wore it to a party where we did not know many people. It was pretty funny when, after he introduced himself, people would look at his shirt and say, "Oh, that's not what your nametag says." Apparently, The Princess Bride was not very popular with this crowd,

anniegetyerfun December 29, 2011 at 11:17 pm

The Seattle International Film Festival recently sponsored a Princess Bride quote-along. Like Rocky Horror, but with fewer costumes.

Also, this.

Doktor Zoom December 30, 2011 at 12:29 am

Did that for my kiddo's Halloween costume a few years back. I went along as Fezzik.

Spurning Beer December 30, 2011 at 8:18 am

Princess Bride was possibly Andre's greatest film role.

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 1:08 am

And while we're off topic, I propose a toast to Mandy Patinkin, a song-and-dance man who, within one year, was Inigo Montoya and an alien detective.

finallyhappy December 31, 2011 at 8:42 am

I think that line was (maybe always is) the first thing Mandy said at the concert I saw him do a few years ago.

Douché December 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

So, just to be clear. If I'm a republican and I love me some Mittens, but Bachman makes me heave in my throat, ugg, every time I say it, and that Psycho bitch gets the nomination, because I voted republican in the Primary, I HAVE to vote for Bachman, ugg, in the election??? You know who else fixed elections????

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Joseph Kennedy?

LetUsBray December 29, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Rehnquist, Scalia, Thomas, O'Connor, & Kennedy?

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Saddam Hussien
Moemar Qdaffy
The Great Dictator
Hosnei Murbar-ick
Benito
Hirohito
Edie Amin Dada
Charles "Chuck" Taylor
Robert "Bob" Mugabe
Tito
Franciso Franco (Harris)

Not a complete list unless you consider it is with complete mispellings.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 12:03 am

Bull Connor?

Every mayor of Chicago ever?

ThundercatHo December 30, 2011 at 12:05 am

Diebold?

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2011 at 2:03 am

Gwyneth Paltrow's agent?

rocktonsam December 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm

no gun, no bible, no vote also

SudsMcKenzie December 29, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Cant they just fap to a poster of Grover Norquist?

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Just threw up in my mouth a whole lot.

SudsMcKenzie December 29, 2011 at 11:39 pm

My original thought was much, … Much worse.

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:23 am

NO ONE can fap to a poster of Grover Norquist – not Peter North, not Chuck Norris.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Not even Grover Norquist.

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2011 at 2:04 am

What would the women do?

SudsMcKenzie December 30, 2011 at 2:53 am

Good god, what kind of a wormhole have I opened? Chuck Norris, Peter North, … women?

Save me Tim Tebow

tessiee December 29, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Given the kind of turds they elect and re-elect and re-re-elect, their strategy for the past 20 years or so seems to boil down to, "Gee, Captain, I sure hope we hit another iceberg".

EatsBabyDingos December 29, 2011 at 9:47 pm

As a resident of Arlington, I intend to vote in the Republicant primary. I will sign the loyalty oath using my fountain pen and a bottle of fresh santorum for ink. Really fresh santorum.

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:24 am

Eric Cantor, that you?

johnnyzhivago December 29, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Good news!!!

If you wear your white sheet and hood to the polling place, you don't have to sign the oath.

MzNicky December 29, 2011 at 11:00 pm

No need.

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 11:19 pm

How about the Dave Chappell style pink sheet and hood, you know for the gay racist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPjEjXyZ2vE

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 12:04 am

And, if you decided to take it off and go back to the polling station and show your ID, you get to vote twice!

arihaya December 30, 2011 at 4:33 am

Hedley Lamarr : Qualifications?
Bart with a white sheet disguise : Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart : Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinkyyyy. Sign here.

johnnyzhivago December 29, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Wouldn't it be easier to just say no blacks or people with Jewish or foreign sounding names can vote?

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 12:05 am

This is bad news for D'Andre Mbeke Lopez-Goldblatt.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Since the only candidate who beats Obama in the polls is "generic Republican" (a.k.a. "none of the clowns currently on the ballot"), this sort of makes sense: get 'em to support "whoever the hell gets nominated" so they can avoid using the thought process.

deanbooth December 29, 2011 at 10:39 pm

"Promises without the sword are but words."

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 12:06 am

But, but, Jesus commanded that you never swear on heaven, because it's where God resides, nor on earth, because it is his footstool, and to let your yes be yes and your no be no!

KenLayIsAlive December 30, 2011 at 1:21 am

The Earth is God's footstool, and the GOP is just his stool.

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:03 am

a three legged one at that.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Yes, but "sword" is just "words" spelled sideways.

obfuscator2 December 29, 2011 at 10:54 pm

jesus fucking christ the next 11 months are going to be just so fucking awful.

Fukui_Jong-un December 29, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Yeah, and don't we all know it.

Whichever of these dancing demagogues gets the nom, every thinking person in the US gets bombarded with ads designed for mongs. That goes for conservatives and liberals.

It just seems like the conservatives find it easy to shrug off, whilst liberals have a visceral fucking hatred of this pantomime jamboree bullshit when there are real issues to be addressed.

yyyaz December 30, 2011 at 3:48 am

So true, but here is the corollary: "liberals' visceral fucking hatred " is what gets most of the wingtard base out of bed in the morning. If a solid infrastructure, unbiased news sources, clean air, a fair tax system, a functional government and universal healthcare make progressives, i.e., "libunatics" happy, take it to the bank that they will do whatever it takes to kill all of them. Whereas we libtards are motivated by ideals of fairness, justice and generally improving humankind's lot, they value subjugation of anyone or anything that obstructs their ability to amass capital. Political power is just a means to that end. They would willingly wreck the economy, destroy our credit rating or paralyze the government if they think it will help deny Obama a second term. The only issues that are going to matter between now and November are whether the economy continues to "improve," however nominally, and gas stays around $3.50/gal. or less. If these conditions are met, Obama wins handily. If not, we're all doubly fucked.

– edited for style corrections —

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 10:24 pm

"If a solid infrastructure, unbiased news sources, clean air, a fair tax system, a functional government and universal healthcare make progressives, i.e., "libunatics" happy, take it to the bank that they will do whatever it takes to kill all of them."

Have you seen the political cartoon where President Obama is hanging onto a cliff's edge by one hand, and holding a silhouette of the USA in the other hand, and an elephant is stepping on the hand that's holding onto the cliff's edge? It would be funny if it weren't a documentary.

prommie December 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

Its amusing if you maintain just the right state of intoxication, at all times.

owhatever December 29, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Where is your decency, Vagina? Can't you at least pay me a couple of bucks to vote for your candidate?

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Oh, Dear Virginia. While, once, you produced presidents, now, you only produce headaches. Once, the creator of Washington, Jefferson, and Lee, you've been reduced to shoveling out Cuccinelli, Allen, and Cantor.

So close to American Jeebus, yet still so far from heaven.

Honestly, though, what the hell is wrong with The Cooches eyes?

KenLayIsAlive December 30, 2011 at 1:22 am

Macaca. Priceless.

MosesInvests December 29, 2011 at 11:12 pm

"Gimme eat!"
-Maj. ___ DeCoverly

Doktor Zoom December 30, 2011 at 12:30 am

"Give EVERYBODY eat!"

Indiepalin December 30, 2011 at 5:38 am

I see everything twice!

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:06 am

the walls! the walls! move back the walls!

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:13 pm

how about just a reading comprehension test at the polls?

Fukui_Jong-un December 29, 2011 at 11:44 pm

This is a GOP primary, dude.

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:49 pm

i know. i want to see the Mexican showdown between the three goopers who'd pass the test.

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:28 am

Be funny if Newt – the brainz of the GOP, the big thinker, the historian, failed the sumbitch.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Needz moar House of Burgesses.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:45 pm

OT: After passing marijuana for medicinal use back in 2008, Michigan advocates are shooting for full legalization of weed for 2012. If nothing else, they are using this to increase our turnout given how decidedly the state passed the MMA back in 2008. I like the name of the movement: Repeal Today for a Safer Michigan 2012. They also use the word "prohibition" quite often, which is a good angle from which to attack this.

El Pinche December 30, 2011 at 2:37 am

Wow…Michigan, make some history. It sounds like a solid movement. And maybe, if passed, this might revitalize Flint, Detroit ,etc.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 3:42 am

I don't have high expectations for this. If California can't do it, I'm not sure how close Michigan will get. That said, even just getting this on the ballot would assure the re-election of our Dem Senator next year, as well as taking back the state house and state supreme court, and maybe getting back two or so House seats.

That said, this is 2012, and we're already halfway to full legalization.

Chichikovovich December 30, 2011 at 9:43 am

And practically speaking, Ann Arbor seems to be there already.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Yep, and Kalamazoo, Detroit and quite a few other Michigan cities already have made by act of their charter the enforcement of small possession a very low priority.

tessiee December 30, 2011 at 10:25 pm

"Ann Arbor seems to be there already."

Hash Bash FTW!

Spurning Beer December 30, 2011 at 8:25 am

I guess they ruled out the slogan "Sensee Party!," then.

chicken_thief December 30, 2011 at 12:35 am

Why don't the idiots change the primaries to "closed"? Wouldn't that address their fear of having all the Obummer supporters vote for Paul? Or is that just too fucking simple?!

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 1:12 am

Yes, Virginia, there is a Loyalty Clause.

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2011 at 2:07 am

I for one look forward to treating a loyalty oath with all the respect it deserves.

Bonghits4Jesus December 30, 2011 at 2:18 am

Bigots in charge of the Virginia GOP are ignoring that this violates the Voting Rights Act. Virginia still requires preclearance for changes in voting prerequisites.

SudsMcKenzie December 30, 2011 at 3:19 am

So Nikki's new SC "voter ID" law is blocked, only because the state is "down south". hmmm, why only the "down south" states?

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2011 at 3:38 am

I think the reason they can do this is that it's for a position within the party, not an actual elected office. Thus house rules apply.
Not that it matters. If the Virginia GOP wants to use some sort of pretend and heretofore unspoken principle to try to prevent me from exercising my right to vote for whoever I believe is most likely to lose, they have vastly underestimated the ability of regular human beings to see through their petty bullying.

Indiepalin December 30, 2011 at 5:16 am

VAGOP, already the most incompetent political organization around, will also require voters to bring their smartphones into the voting booths and take a picture of how they voted in order to fulfill the loyalty oath.

Fukui_SanYesOta December 30, 2011 at 5:20 am

Suggest that to them, please. They'll try it.

Then everyone in the rest of the world will laugh at the GOP … again.

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:11 am

VAG-OP, eh? is that that rejuvenation bit i've heard about?

Negligently_Joe December 30, 2011 at 7:40 am

VAGOPS are a sexy subset of PSYOPS.

not that Dewey December 30, 2011 at 10:25 am

Closely related to honeypots and sexpionage.

KeepFnThatChicken December 30, 2011 at 5:58 am

Meh. Ever since "The Black Guy" suspended his campaign, party loyalty has not wavered.

James Michael Curley December 30, 2011 at 7:31 am

This certifies the holder has one share in M&M Enterprises.

– Milo Minderbinder

prommie December 30, 2011 at 9:48 am

And the best part is, everybody has a share!

starfanglednut December 30, 2011 at 7:38 am

Loyalty oath: restoring the constitution.

Zombie_Reagan December 30, 2011 at 9:16 am

"Meine Ehre heisst Treue" (my honor is loyalty)

-Schutzstaffel (SS) motto

DaRooster December 30, 2011 at 10:02 am

There were like 6 cases of voter fraud in the last election in the NATION… this is not an issue other than poor people, minorities and olds generally vote democratic… and keeping this group from voting is vital to Repugnants.
Also- there were about 5 or 6 cases in the W v. Gore election… but those involved ENTIRE states going red… maybe we should stop that stuff?

VaWyo December 30, 2011 at 10:25 am

But I always vote in the republican primary and never vote republican during the election. It's the only good thing about Virginia election rules.

I am a bit nervous about voting in the primary this year (NOT because of the loyalty oath). I always vote for the most extreme batshit crazy person who is un-electable. But it doesn't appear that a candidate can be too batshit crazy anymore. These tea partiers want extreme crazy. I planned to vote for Paul in the primary because the "Ron Paul Revolution" paint job on a pickup truck I see all the time has convinced me this is the way to go.

But what if my plan backfires and he is actually elected to be president? How could I live
with myself? Maybe I should sit this primary out.

neiltheblaze December 30, 2011 at 10:34 am

Nothing says "freedom" like a loyalty oath.

Eve8Apples December 30, 2011 at 11:31 am

That's the problem with democracy — people can just show-up on election day and vote for any random crazy son of a bitch.

Dürers Rhino December 30, 2011 at 11:54 am

The VA primary is turning into a very poorly constructed joke. I'm not surprised that the GOP is attempting a loyalty pledge. I am very surprised the VA State Board of Elections is allowing it.

I wonder if you can file a grievance prior to election day.

Slim_Pickins December 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Since it is obviously the Republican faithful and not Virginia taxpayers that are paying for the primary, I say let them do what they want. Oh, the taxpayers are paying for it? Never mind.

lulzmonger December 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

From same world-renowned brain-trust that brought America trickle-down theory & Teabaggers … it's …
"Operation Leper 2: This Time It's Incestuous!"

Either this thing is a death-pledge … or Republicans are gutless pussies who secretly want Al Qaeda to win. There is no third possibility.

CHOOSE WISELY, REPUBLICANS.

ShaveTheWhales December 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm

So, the rumor of a government has resurfaced?

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Besides its being a beautiful city, the only other thing I know about Sandy Eggo is that it has consistently held the US per-capita record for wrong telephone number dialings — not that a naval base full of drunken sailors on leave would have anything to do with that…

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Isn't San Diego that place that the politicians ran into the ground, financially, not that long ago?

GOPCrusher December 30, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I was going to say, you should probably get off the beach.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Hell, we elect gays. That’s how uninterested everybody is.

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm

It was on their beltbuckles.

Tommmcattt December 29, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Didn't that make blowjobs awkward? The last thing I wanna see going down is a reference to the Big Guy…

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Bonzos_Bed_Time December 30, 2011 at 12:47 am

I wonder if Nazi Pope still has his?

MaxNeanderthal December 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Only on the Wehrmacht belt buckles. I think the SS had "my oath is loyalty" or some such pre-pubescent bollocks. Made it a handy identifier when the Red Army guys needed to know who to shoot on the spot….

flamingpdog December 29, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Gotta watch out for teh gheys in government. They'll milk it for all it's worth.

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 10:21 pm

1974 Re Styles in a leather teddy > 1984 Madonna in lingerie.

starfanglednut December 30, 2011 at 7:13 am

My friends and I went to see them when we were about 15, but we were so wasted, that we showed up so late, we only got to hear one song: White Punks on Dope.

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 10:35 pm

That sounds like good, clean fun. Did they get to catch butterflies?

MosesInvests December 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I grew up in Floriduh (America's dingus), and now I live in Texas. Oy.

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Ask Mark Foley he seemed to be milking pages.

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Until some closeted conservative decides to white them off.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 30, 2011 at 12:49 am

Don't work out so well for Harvey.

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Sieg Heil, Mutterficker!

Lascauxcaveman December 29, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Not really, considering the history of Christianity in Europe over the centuries.

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

Nevertheless, the possibilities for "Got Mittens?" are awesome.

not that Dewey December 30, 2011 at 1:13 am

And not particularly erotic. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

Negropolis December 29, 2011 at 11:18 pm

I've lived in Michigan my whole life, but I swear we've been vying for the title of "Mississippi on the Lakes" since the midterm.

twoeightnine December 29, 2011 at 11:23 pm

I always give the ladies a warning that they're about to meet the Big Guy.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 11:24 pm

You are correct. And we’re still in the ground, roads in ruins, schools and libraries closing, and struggling to find a way to gift the owners of the football team with half a billion dollars of tax money so they can have a cool stadium like the other guys.

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:50 pm

i lived in Texas which was bad. then i moved to Wisconsin which was not too shabby until a year ago. for fuck's sake.

GhostBuggy December 30, 2011 at 12:39 am

I've always favored "The South of the North."

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm

i'm glad that's failed so far. "hey, let's put a stadium in the busy, crowded downtown area right next to the convention center where there really isn't any room."

ShaveTheWhales December 30, 2011 at 12:49 am

But, still, awfully nice weather and the (only occasionally lethally polluted) Pacific.

Doktor Zoom December 30, 2011 at 12:19 am

Is this da cow you're looking for?

not that Dewey December 30, 2011 at 12:31 am

Bring it closer — I wannsee it.

thebeatgoeson December 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

Gesundheit!

thebeatgoeson December 30, 2011 at 12:51 am
memzilla December 30, 2011 at 1:17 am

That's just sick. Sick and upfistable.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 3:34 am

The prequels weren't kind to the history of Darth Vader, were they? lol They took one of the most bad-ass villains in history and made him into an impulsive emo-kid by the third movie.

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:20 am

just promise to be an immature 70-or better something one day and it'll be ok.

poncho_pilot December 30, 2011 at 6:39 am

impulsive emo kid? hipster? Hitler?
http://hipsterhitler.com/comics/ironic-invasion/

starfanglednut December 30, 2011 at 7:14 am

It was a long time ago. We were all young dudes.

WunkRocker December 30, 2011 at 9:46 am

I feel u MosesInvests. Also from FL and have lived in NC since Reagan's 2nd Term. And Jesse Helms 900th. It really is like he never died.

WunkRocker December 30, 2011 at 9:48 am

Also, there must be SOME support in California for cTards. Nixon, Reagan, that Austrian guy…

SenileAgitation December 30, 2011 at 11:14 am

Thanks for that, poncho, plenty entertaining

GOPCrusher December 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm

FTW!

user-of-owls December 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Hey, leave NegropolES' MA outta this!

not that Dewey December 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Hey, Owlet. It seems everything is funny to you.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 30, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Waffen SS had the cool skull version. But yeah, the Russians did find them useful.

Doktor Zoom December 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

At least nobody mentioned Owlschwitz.

not that Dewey December 30, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Or Birkenowl.

user-of-owls December 30, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Ok, that's it. I'm throwing in the towl.

Negropolis December 31, 2011 at 6:09 pm

LOL!

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