Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might actually turn out to support that liberal devil-cultist Mitt Romney or what’s his name, the fat amoral jewelry-debt baby who takes all the “consulting money” from Big Government. See, Ron Paul supporters were hoping for a record-breaking blizzard, so they could re-enact those wintry scenes from Lord of the Rings, when Luke gets mugged by a fleet-footed snow monster.
The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa on Jan. 3, when voting at 1,774 precinct caucuses officially starts the party’s nominating process, political experts say. That’s because supporters of the Texas congressman are so committed they’ll turn out whatever the conditions, while other candidates appear to have more fair-weather backers.
In this case, they are literally fair-weather friends, as they’re not moving away from the flat screen if they have to salt a path down the driveway for their Rascal.
In other Ron Paul news, here is an Iowa campaign photo of an unloved child tragically dressed up as a “Ron Paul Superhero,” because why not ruin your kids’ life with an idiotic political stunt, right? [Bloomberg/SF Gate]