an inconvenient truth

Ron Paul’s Iowa Campaign Hoping For Catastrophic Death Blizzard

I'm dreaming of a White Power Christmas ....Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might actually turn out to support that liberal devil-cultist Mitt Romney or what’s his name, the fat amoral jewelry-debt baby who takes all the “consulting money” from Big Government. See, Ron Paul supporters were hoping for a record-breaking blizzard, so they could re-enact those wintry scenes from Lord of the Rings, when Luke gets mugged by a fleet-footed snow monster.

Bloomberg reports:

The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa on Jan. 3, when voting at 1,774 precinct caucuses officially starts the party’s nominating process, political experts say. That’s because supporters of the Texas congressman are so committed they’ll turn out whatever the conditions, while other candidates appear to have more fair-weather backers.

In this case, they are literally fair-weather friends, as they’re not moving away from the flat screen if they have to salt a path down the driveway for their Rascal.

In other Ron Paul news, here is an Iowa campaign photo of an unloved child tragically dressed up as a “Ron Paul Superhero,” because why not ruin your kids’ life with an idiotic political stunt, right? [Bloomberg/SF Gate]

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    1. Baconzgood

      Seriously man, "The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa".

      Read that 3 times in a row.

      I would have paid $100 to hand that article to Ron Paul.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Whatever the weather, the Republiklan Caucus is always a whiteout. But Paultards are the only ones insane enough to go out in a blizzard.

    3. Negropolis

      He may be hoping for a whiteout, but from what I hear, Ron and his people are also fully prepared for a race war. Helter Skelter, baby; Helter Skelter; it's a Paulite Christmas.

          1. SorosBot

            I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
            You could have done better but I don’t mind
            You just kinda wasted my precious time
            But don’t think twice, it’s all white

    1. WIDTAP

      This is my Quest to follow that P'tard,
      No matter how hopeless, no matter how far,
      To fight for the far-white
      Without question or pause,
      To be willing to march into I'wa
      For a Lib'tarian cause!

    1. user-of-owls

      You sound like my mother. Every time the truant officers picked me up three towns away and runnin' fast, she'd tell them, "Oh heavens, looks like we lost him again! Ha ha ha!"

      Then it was a week of gruel and hard labor.

    2. Negropolis

      Oh, that is so full of win, Barb. It's pregnant with win. You're about to have a win baby with that one.

  1. Baconzgood

    Yeah….Ron's supporters are "committed" all right. Unfortunately it's really really hard to pull a lever when you're in a straight jacket.

    1. Negropolis

      You'd also be surprised how hard it is to pull a lever or write legibly when you're blazed out of your mind. Also.

  2. coolhandnuke

    You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Elect Ron Paul, and he'll do away with those gubmint-created weather prediction things. Free enterprise means you're free to deal with (or suffer from) the weather without gubmint interference.

    1. GOPCrusher

      It's the damn weather. No snow on the ground and it's the 29th of December with a temperature of 50 above zero.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nothing wrong with Iowa, really … given the clowns prancing around in this circus, what the heck do you expect the poor sods to do?

    3. yyyaz

      More depressing: all of these assclowns have their own little group that worships their particular cult of assclownery in every state.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I really feel for that kid. Back in '48 (1948 that is) my parents dressed me up like that only the writing on the front said "WE WANT DEWEY!" Never got over it. Finally ran away from home, joined the circus and now I'm stuck in a clown car with nine fucking Republicans.

      1. poncho_pilot

        could've been worse: back in '48 you still could've been dressed up as a Ron Paul superhero. 1848, even.

    2. jodyleek

      The real question that needs to be asked is, how the hell did that super dorky dad of said child get an attractive woman (or any woman for that matter) to reproduce with him? The Ron Paul crowd is similar to the band Rush's fan base: a sausage fest comprised of a bunch of completely unfuckable nerds. My only guess is that the guy has a trust fund.

    3. Fare la Volpe

      Hopefully Child Protective Services can swing by and fill up their monthly quota before the new year!

      Ah. that whole baby's snatch fuckfest brings back such memories. Remember when the Paultards defended a serial child abuser? Yeah, good times.

      1. SorosBot

        Ah, good times; it's been a while since we've had a good troll infestation. That one was especially good as the teabaggers were trolling to defend a child abuser.

  3. Tommmcattt

    Sure that kid is smiling now, but wait until he finds out that his super-powers in Paultardia are limited to the ability to work a 12-hour day at the age of 10, and the right to sell his testicles and other soft meats to free-market organ brokers.

  4. L188188

    The second-to-last sentence in this article, the one about the Rascals, may be the best sentence ever written in the English language. EVER.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Yes, those pesky children always want to be fed, taken to the doctor, own pets, etc., and they don't even earn their keep. On top of that they put the parents in contact with PUBLIC education and heaven knows that'll be first in line for abolition in Paultardville.

  5. Joshua Norton

    here is an Iowa campaign photo of an unloved child tragically dressed up as a “Ron Paul Superhero,”

    Who knew Elmer Fudd was a conservative superhero?

    1. Rotundo_

      I seem to recall one cartoon where he recites "My Name is Elmer J. Fudd, I am a millionaire, I own a mansion and a yacht." repeatedly, so there is that. He also pretends to be nuts to avoid the IRS in that one, so since he isn't *genuinely* nuts, he probably is more of an independent, as sane republicans are calling themselves these days.

  6. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Don't believe the weather forecasts. They are created by the government in an effort to prevent job creators from meeting their full potential.

        1. Baconzgood

          I think Tom Landry being from Dallas. We'll just have to settle this in the ring Snake Plissken style.

          1. Radiotherapy

            On the frozen tundra of Lambeau field. Actually, you're right, I had to go back and look at my YKWE question. Uncle. But this is two days in a row we've had a sword fight pillow fight.

  7. poncho_pilot

    i'm torn. on one hand, Ron Paul winning the nomination would probably secure it for Obama. on the other hand, that would be 400 years of hearing Paultards talk about Ron Paul's victory and how a giant conspiracy is the real reason Paul lost to Obama.

    floating cities in the ocean are starting to sound like a good idea…

    1. GOPCrusher

      They are already attributing the Santorum Surge to a media conspiracy to bring down the Great Dr. Ron Paul.

      1. poncho_pilot

        well, of course! Ron Paul does not make mistakes. ever. Dr. Personal Responsibility is always a victim.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      400 years of hearing Paultards talk about Ron Paul's victory, vs. 4 years of any one of these GOP re†ards in the White House? I'm all ears.

  8. MaxNeanderthal

    So let me get this straight, He's hoping to win the vote by having people not vote? Sounds like the main GOP strategy for 2012.

    1. poncho_pilot

      i don't libertarians, especially, are big on the whole democracy thing. why do we even bother voting when the libertarians are right about everything and the rest of us are dumb?

      1. GOPCrusher

        We should turn every thing over to the 1% and let them run things while the rest of us blissfully live out our existence.

  9. DerrickWildcat

    I hope Paul wins Iowa just to watch Newt, Bachman, Santorum, Perry and Romney absolutely lose their shit.
    Huntsman will just laugh and say fuck this. I'm oughta here.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      If that happens, watch all the lamestream media rush in … to interview whoever came in second, about how this affects their strategy for NH.

  10. chicken_thief

    "The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa on Jan. 3…"

    Couldn't he just go to the Diary Queen and buy one?

  11. Mumbletypeg

    Hell, who doesn't want a blizzard on the day we're (some? most of us?) due back at work. For once I think I can relate to a Paultardian's wishful bleating.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        No, I get the shift sandwich: this being the week-in-between long holiday weekends, which fellow workers merged into a 10-day spree, while I cover the absentees' desks & phones during these understaffed workdays. Others' prolonged illnesses, seniority and haste in petitioning their scheduled absence, obligates me as 'essential personnel' — so next Tuesday would be just fine to get snowebound at home rather than sit here and take more calls as to who *else* isn't gonna make it in.

  12. ManchuCandidate

    So dedicated. So true to the cause. Much like a Tauntaun. I suspect that the last words many a Paultard will hear in the great "white out of 2012" is: "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"

  13. poorgradstudent

    Even Ron Paul is realizing that America will have to go all Thunderdome for him to have a shot, and even then he'll probably just be running a small fiefdom where southern Illinois used to be. And instead of building a libertarian/neo-feudal paradise he and his followers will have to dedicate their energies toward fighting off marauding bands of Lyndon LaRouche fans.

  14. weejee

    ♪♫ Robo calls ring, but who's listenin'
    In Ames, the ballots glistenin'
    A butt ugly sight,
    A world taken with fright
    Ron Paul winning our beloved heartland

    Blow away is olde Newtie,
    Here to stay the racist cutie
    He sings a nutz song,
    Paultards bob along,
    Staking-out a PaulTard wonderland.

    In the meadow Paul will build a snowman,
    Then sic him upon all with skins of Brown
    He'll say: Are you harried
    They'll say: No man,
    Then they'll grab a rail
    And run them out of town.

    Later on, they'll conspire,
    Of thing much more dire
    To face unafraid,
    The plans that they've made,
    Walking in a PaulTard wonderland ♫♪

  15. Dashboard Buddha

    "here is an Iowa campaign photo of an unloved child tragically dressed up as a “Ron Paul Superhero,”

    That kid looks like his name should be "Skeeter" or "Cooter"…or anyone from the Dukes of Hazard for that matter.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Take it from me: you *never* want to ask questions like that here. Some kind soul will no doubt respond by posting a link, and you will never eat again. Well, not for a few weeks, anyway.

  16. Mort_Sinclair

    Well, the Paultards will be out en force. These people are some of the most ignorant on the planet. What true about Gingrich is also true about Paul: he's what a stupid person thinks a smart person sounds like.

  17. Callyson

    what’s his name, the fat amoral jewelry-debt baby who takes all the “consulting money” from Big Government.
    But Michele needs that money to keep Marcus happy…

  18. Bluestatelibel

    And the best scenario for the entire United States of America would be if the entire GOPeer field got trapped in the Mines of Moria and eaten by a Balrog, the end.

  19. dadanarchist

    Better call the United Nations and get them to fire up that weather machine they built with the Illuminati.

    1. user-of-owls

      There is no "I" in Ron Paul!

      ha ha. HA HA HA. God, I could hardly spit that out without laughing so hard I peed myself.

        1. user-of-owls

          Originally, it was meant as a jab at Ron Paul's rather formidable ego. But it almost works better the other way.

          Man, I crack myself up!

    1. Negropolis

      Damn welfare squirrels; always beggin' and hustlin' for a nut. Get a real jerb. They're almost as bad as those damned Nebraska welfare racoons.

  20. user-of-owls

    This just in: The KORN Eyewitness News team has learned that a very important member of Michelle Bachmann's campaign staff here has jumped ship and joined the Ron Paul campaign.

    Bachmann said Jim Cantore made the jump after “he was offered a men's medium sexy blue parka to go to work for the Paul campaign.”

  21. owhatever

    Then out of the west, the sound of thundering hooves and the zombie Ronald Reagan arrives to win Iowa by an unexpected landslide of write-in votes.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm still betting on Sarah Palin, dressed as a Valkyrie, on a unicorn, bathed in light, with Wagner playing in the background.

    1. Negligently_Joe

      Ron Paul 2012- Because we can't know for certain that he believes the racist things that he published.

      Can someone please point me to the last presidential candidate who was given this much leeway?

      1. GOPCrusher

        Ron Paul is that crazy uncle that comes over during the holidays that is always trying to take off his pants.

      2. Negropolis

        It's really funny you say the "certain" thing, because I think the revelation of his racist and homophobic newsletters might actually help him in a GOP primary, particularly if the actual author is ambiguous enough that you can't pin it on Paul, but sure eough that he could be the writer. It's the best of both worlds; you get to attract the racists without formally joining them.

        1. Negligently_Joe

          I think the only thing there that's inaccurate is your excessively generous implication that there are some GOP voters out there who might still be turned off by racism.

          The more complete analysis would be that there are a handful of GOP voters who hate perceiving themselves as racist, and for these individuals, the fact that Ron Paul cannot be CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW to agree with the things he published, IN HIS HEART, means they don't have to see themselves as complicit in racism for supporting him, even though they totally get where he was coming from.

  22. hagajim

    Ya have to love it when shitty weather can determine who has the big momentum (or Joementum) leaving one of the smallest, shitholiest (sorry Iowa) states in the country.

  23. hagajim

    According to the headlines SANTORUM SURGING in Iowa….what kind of slippery gross mess is that ginna cause….ewwww!

  24. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I was gonna make a joke about the "Ronulans" … but it turns out that these loons already use the word among themselves. Sort of like the Kardashians, I guess.

    1. poncho_pilot

      but the Vulcans were the highly logical ones. isn't that one of the Paultard ideas? rationality and logic. or maybe Paulcan sounds too much like Blimpkin…

    2. LetUsBray

      Aww, don't tell me they take all the fun out of using "racists living in their moms' basements who like their weed" by calling themselves that, too.

  25. DerrickWildcat

    If Paul wins, Santorum will all be like, "I can't believe that worthless piece of shit Paul won this fucking thing. God fucking damn it! I've spend every fucking second of every fucking day for the last 3 months traveling to every fucking county in this God damned shithole excuse for a State and had to listen to every imaginable imbecilic dirtbilly in overalls, stupid rubber boots, a hoody and a moronic seed corn hat go on and on about some idiotic whatever the hell they were talking about…and these fuck sticks go ahead and vote for that god damned shit vampire! Son of a fuckin' bitch!!"

  26. Guppy

    "the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers (…) might actually turn out to support that liberal devil-cultist Mitt Romney"

    But wouldn't Michele Bachmann caucus for herself instead?

  27. Negligently_Joe

    So as it happens, I'm also hoping for a catastrophic death blizzard to hit Iowa, but mainly in the hopes that the Iowa Paultards will get snowed in at the caucuses and be forced to eat each other to survive.

  28. ttommyunger

    Too early to predict snowfall, but the "Doofus Front" that has been stationary over the entire State of Iowa for the last few weeks is not expected to lift any time soon.

  29. Negropolis

    Ron & Co. have been waiting on the Apocalypse their entire lives, so wishing for a Catastrohphic Death Blizzard sits right in their wheelhouse, and doesn't required expending too much additional psychic energy.

  30. bisky71

    RP's campaign never stated good weather would be detrimental. This is a manufactured story based on a speculation of Bloomberg that the other candidates don't have supporters enthusiastic enough to show up in bad weather. As for the climate it is great but could be a bit warmer. Unfornutelt the earth has been cooling for 7 years with no average warming for 15. Though it has generally been warming for 300 as a part of a 1000 year cycle, no increase of slope with fossil fuels. When it was warmer 1000 yrs ago during the Medieval Warm Period people thrived with vineyards in England. But you can pay the World Band to change the weather if you want. After that I have a bridge for sale.

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