Michele Bachmann’s Iowa Campaign Chair Comes Out of Paultard Closet

  turmoil in the nuthouse

This can only mean war. And Ron Paul is supposed to be against war!

HIGH DRAMA: the Iowa captain of Michele Bachmann’s sinking insane asylum, state Senator Kent Sorenson, jumped ship and swam over to Team Paultard MERE DAYS before the Iowa caucuses. Sorenson explained his sudden last-minute switch with some strange line about Ron Paul being the only “true conservative” in the race, an assessment that may have been somewhat true in the late 18th century, but it seems more like an awkward solicitation for an invite to the more probable Paultard Iowa victory party, instead of having to hang around on caucus night with the weepy nutjobs Michele Bachmann has duped into helping her sell her book. OR, maybe just that other, more compelling reason, “money.”

The AP reports:

Hours after appearing with Bachmann at an event, state Sen. Kent Sorenson gave his endorsement to the Texas congressman at a Des Moines rally. Sorenson said he resigned from Bachmann’s campaign to back Paul, whom he called the most conservative of the top-tier candidates.

Bachmann said Sorenson made the jump after “he was offered a large sum of money to go to work for the Paul campaign.”

“Kent said to me yesterday that ‘everyone sells out in Iowa, why shouldn’t I,’” Bachmann said in a written statement. “Then he told me he would stay with our campaign. The Ron Paul campaign has to answer for its actions.”

Paul campaign chairman Jesse Benton said the campaign was not paying Sorenson and that he was puzzled why Bachmann would make such a claim against an elected official popular with Iowa conservatives.

True, Michele Bachmann does say insane, made-up shit all the time. This could be believed. So it wasn’t the money? He’s just been a secret true RELOVEUTIONARY all along?

Susan Geddes, a veteran operative in conservative GOP political circles who managed Sorenson’s 2008 and 2010 legislative races, said Sorenson had told her several times, as recently as last month, that the Paul campaign had offered him money to leave Bachmann’s campaign for the Texas congressman’s.

Ha ha, oh well! Who knows/cares. Most importantly, Michele Bachmann doesn’t have a blimp or any lunatic skydivers on her team, so there’s that. [AP]

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170 comments

          1. mayor_quimby

            E. Honda wasn't bad if you could do the punch of 1,000 fists. Vega, however, was flawed, and that flying off the wall move always ended with me being slammed on my back (I just watched the last 10 mins of the Street Fighter Legend of Chun Li movie. What an abomination.)

          2. poncho_pilot

            i gave up on Vega early on. i always used Dhalsim. but i like fire, so…

            haha, i didn't know about this movie. it would weird be watching the girl who always needs to be saved in Smallville kicking ass.

  1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    They should have gotten him into treatment with Marcus. That would have taken care of things.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      “he was offered a large sum of money to go to work for the Paul campaign.”

      It was $50 and a six pack of Natty Light.

      Which was a six pack more than Bachman was paying him, so, hey.

    1. CZL

      Loyalty is what commies have to the Party. Americans need iconoclasts and lone wolves. You know. To lead the nation.

  2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Which gets to the most important question faced by GOP voters: Just how do you differentiate between crazy and crazy?

    1. prommie

      They like their crazy in two flavors, nutty libertarian, and nutty christian fetus-worshipper. Bachmann is the only one who combines both in all their batshit fury, which explains why she is twice as crazy as the rest of the candidates. Jizz-stain Santorum is mostly just christo-crazy, Paul is mostly libertarian-crazy. Newt and Mitt are quasi-sane, they have to hold their noses and pretend a lot of the time.

    2. Rotundo_

      But there are all those flavors of crazy to choose from: From the bland but heavy bodied crazy of Mittens to the Crunchy brittleness of Paul, the zesty piquant flavorings of Michele, the foamy lightness of Santorum, the sour bite of Newt to the hickory smoked stupid of Perry. Crazy is not a monolithic thing, the Republican Big Tent holds a whole shit-load of different and truly frightening flavors for the discriminating consumer of half assed insanity masquerading as politics. Roll in it kids, it is the future!

  3. SorosBot

    At least the Paul campaign should feel comfortable for Sorenson, seeing as he's already used to working for a completely batshit insane candidate.

    1. Negropolis

      I actually respect her more because of that. She could have gone an endorsed any old flaming Evangelical being where she's from.

      That said, I ain't making my decision until I read about the vaunted Fantasia Barrino endorsement.

    1. not that Dewey

      “I like being accurate,” Bachmann said. “And that is a great gun.”

      Neilist will be along shortly to explain to us all the differences between an AR-15 and an AK-47.

    2. Negropolis

      A crazed woman in too-tight shoes was heard yelling "I'll bring heaven down on all of your heads so you can feel the pain inside my own head!"

  4. coolhandnuke

    Sorenson's new alliance from the Titanic to the Hindenburg makes perfect sense…the Hindenburg has enough life jackets for everyone.

  5. OkieDokieDog

    I think all the GOP/Teabag politicians are "true conservatives". Of course I equal true conservatives as being lying pseudo Xtian money-grubbing assholes.

    And get a clue, One L Michele. Extremist Xtian fundi men are never going to vote for a woman – not you, and not the Snowbilly Grifter, no matter what your god told you.

    1. GOPCrusher

      This AM, reports have been that Michele is being asked to drop out of the race, so the Evangelical vote doesn't get split between her and Santorum.

  6. Sparky_McGruff

    These are the same Republicans who would sell off Yellowstone to be strip mined in exchange for a seat on the board. They have/had no problems with Dick Cheney's wife and Clarence Thomas's wife being lobbyists who cash in on their hubby's government positions. Yet they're shocked, SHOCKED I SAY, that their campaign staffers might just bail on their quixotic presidential campaigns for a few more quid.

    Bachmann's campaign is entirely for ego, publicity, and self enrichment. She has no hope of winning — all she's out there for is to raise the price of her speaking engagements and book advances. How dare the little people try to cash in on her project to cash in!

    1. MrFizzy

      True, but you really have to hand it to her, still being able to generate cash after the litany of stupid things she has done and said. Of course, W got re-elected. Nevermind.

  7. chicken_thief

    I wonder if, during the "negotiations" with Sorenson, Paul used the famous Herminator move and classic line "well, you want a job, right?".

  8. upthruster

    See how easy it is to call yourself a republican. All you have to do is turn on a dime and you're well into the clan.

  9. Baconzgood

    “Kent said to me yesterday that ‘everyone thinks your batshit insane in Iowa and the planet, why shouldn’t I,’” Bachmann said in a written statement. “Then he told me he would stay with our campaign when flying monkies farted out my butt in hovercrafts reciting the alphabet backwards while typing the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe in esperanto."

    FIXED

    1. Rotundo_

      If someone had captured said monkeys flying out Michele's butt reciting the alphabet backwards while typing the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe in esperanto on video and it wound up on YouTube would anyone be shocked by squadrons of hovercraft flying monkeys shooting out her ass? Not this casual observer. Not at all.

  10. user-of-owls

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the whole idea of being a refugee that you escape from a terrible situation by fleeing to a less terrible one?

    1. memzilla

      As Full Metal Jacket put it: "…if we move Vietnamese, they are evacuees. If they come to us to be evacuated, they are refugees."

  11. Tundra Grifter

    Geez – I thought it was only horses that would dash back into a burning barn.

    John Huntsman had the best line about the entire "Husker brouhaha – "Iowa only picks corn."

    1. finallyhappy

      He said " They pick corn in Iowa, they pick presidents in New Hampshire" I sent it to wonkette as a Tip- but nada so far.

      1. chicken_thief

        Holy fuck. Some honesty in the midst of all the GOPer knob hobbing and ass kissing in the Hawkeye state.

          1. Tundra Grifter

            R;

            Remember it was Mr. Huntsman who said he wasn't going to kiss Donald Chump's ring – or any other part of his anatomy.

            Ole Crazy Eyes can claim to not be a politician – I believe Mr. Huntsman really isn't one.

          2. Negropolis

            Ain't that the truth. Huntsman's a fucking coward. When confronted with the issue of global warming and climate change, again, during his campaign, he did a complete 180 from his earlier stance that it's something we need to be concerned about. He's as duplicitous as the rest of them, except that being on the outside of things, he can make jokes about the other candidates and the party. Same reason why Gary Johnson and Karger and the rest get away with it, sometime. The differennce is that Huntsman so very badly wants to be invited indoors.

    2. ttommyunger

      I have personally seen Iowans pick their noses, asses and naughty bits; in fact, they do little else.

  12. proudgrampa

    Every day, these pathetic people just show their true character. I truly do not know how I'm gonna make it to November.

  13. user-of-owls

    The Ron Paul campaign has to answer for its actions.

    OMG, guys! Rep. Pete Hoekstra just tweeted, "Ron Paul just hired away Bachmann's Iowa campaign chief! This is exactly like when the Israelis kidnapped Eichmann and put him on trial in Jerusalem!!"

  14. Mumbletypeg

    Relax Meesh. It's not as if Santorum went off-and-runnin'. In fact Santorum has still got your back, or said something to the effect – - if he wins in a landslide, you won't be buried in it, you'll be very much a part of it. Of Santorum. Whatever constitutes a Santorum administration, you'd be very much a part of it, and sanctioned by the "Iowa Family Leader": now, can any other candidate lay claim to a Plan B like this offer? It's the next best thing to cleaning up the competition!

  15. BarackMyWorld

    I was going to say its not like he was doing a good job, but there's only so much turd polish in Iowa.

    1. Barrelhse

      It was gold dust, and while trying to weigh it he spilled it all over the shag carpet.
      We've all been there.

  16. prommie

    Seems like the GOP has split into two crazy camps. There are the economic libertarians, who focus on government regulation of business (they are against it), and there are the social authoritarians, who focus on government regulation of what you do with yourself (they are in favor of it).

    In addition, there are still remnants of the old fashioned "sane" form of republican, who maybe likes a little from column A and a little from column B, but doesn't take it all to insane degrees.

    There's lots of wierdness going on because none of the candidates combines the pure lassaiz-faire libertarian with the pure Christian Theocracy fundamentalism, while at the same time, maintaining a semblance of sanity.

    1. prommie

      Doctor Congressman Paul is an economic libertarian, but with the exception of fetus-killing, he is also a social libertarian, which scares the Christ-tards and Fetus worshippers, and he is isolationist, which means the military-industrial complex won't tolerate him in power.

      Romney and Gingrich are old-fashioned half-sane republicans who have "moderate" libertarian cred, and the newly Catholic Newt and Mitt and his magic underwear means they are also moderate theocrats. But, they are insufficiently insane to appeal to either the Paultard libertarians or the Christ-Tard fetus-worshipping theocrats, and, Mormon?

      Santorum is a total goose-stepping, fetus-waving christian theocrat, but thats not enough to attract the Paultard wing of the party.

      Only Michele Bachman has it all, Reagan-worshipping economic libertarianism, to the insane degree, and fetus-worshipping christian theocrat, to the insane degree, and she has a way with the Teatards, with her conspiracy theories, paranoia, racism, resentment, and longing for a legendary past that never was. But she is batshit insane, so she turns off all sane people, and half the libertarians, who want to be able to swing and get high and such.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Actually, it was State Senator Kent Sorenson that made that statement. As we speak, reports are coming that his re-election is awash with donations from Monsanto and Tyson.

        1. Negropolis

          Well, then expect her to continue yelling in the wildnerness for the rest of her life, because no one could qualify for that or sate that beast.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    Sorenson said he resigned from Bachmann’s campaign to back Paul, whom he called the most conservative of the top-tier candidates.

    I can't decide which term was more demeaned there — conservative or top tier.

  18. prommie

    This dude is jumping from the insane fetus theocrat candidate to the insane libertarian candidate. He must prefer coherent insanity over incoherent raving insanity. Either that, or he was swayed by Paul's racism.

    1. Tommmcattt

      Racism is an attractive feature for any Republican candidate, but let's talk about the elephant in the room: Ron Paul's neck wattles are just too sexy for a middle-aged conservative not to want to be near them.

      There, I said it.

  19. Tommmcattt

    Haha, this woman is universally loathed by everyone, including and especially her campaign staff. How's that "serious candidacy" working out for you, Shelly?

  20. SenileAgitation

    His name is Kent. Rhymes with bent. Sounds like Marcus and Kent broke up, probably over having to spend too much time with their families. Kent is sure to be happier with the true conservative values of doing mean things for more money. But he is a fool to risk her rage!

  21. Blueb4sunrise

    We'll only be able interpret these events correctly if we know what Sorenson, Paul, Bachmann, Geddes, Benton, and KBJ were wearing at the time.

    1. Rotundo_

      Cool, does this mean she and Marcus will go to the bunker (an Ice Fishing shanty on one of the 10,000 lakes in Minnesota) and surround themselves with delusional lackeys and wait to fall through the ice? Sounds like laughs to me.

  22. Naked_Bunny

    How dare the Paul campaign offer to pay someone more money if he comes to work for them! What country do they think this is?

  23. SayItWithWookies

    I was wondering about the mentality of a politician whose allegiance wavers between Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul — but then I found out that he blogs about how boring, useless and expensive his job is, and now I wonder why either of those twits wanted him on their side in the first place.

    1. Naked_Bunny

      "The liberal majority party has ignored their constituents’ wishes all session long and successfully gutted every bill that conservatives like me in the Senate have brought forward."

      Um…how does this ignore liberals' wishes?

      1. GOPCrusher

        Kent Sorenson is under the impression that all Iowans not only want same sex marriage abolished, but we also want all gheys sent to the Marcus Bachmann Sexual Re-education Camp.

        1. Naked_Bunny

          Lord knows, all those same sex marriages make it really hard for me to drive around Ames safely, what with having to constantly look for pairs of men wearing wedding bands so I can be outraged.

  24. Tundra Grifter

    Mr. Sorenson better take another look at those thirty pieces of silver – he probably isn't going to find any hallmarks.

    [Stolen from a vintage novel "A Dandy in Aspic."]

  25. Tundra Grifter

    Ole Newt didn't take The Silly Savage's offer of $1,000,000 to drop out.

    Wonder what his price would be today?

  26. Loaded_Pants

    I wonder what is in a "Paultard closet"? Are they walk-ins & do they have those neat little cubbyholes for shoes? I mean, lots & lots of shoes?

  27. ttommyunger

    1- State Senator Sorenson went to work for Bachmann; so how fucking smart can he be? 2- I saw a clip of this Sorenson douche. He is a whiny-voiced, goateed pussyfart. He's a fit in either camp. 3- Uh, ummmmm. Wait, I've got it; no…….It'l come to me…….

    1. lulzmonger

      Yep – sure smells like a raging Grade A dramawhore, as his timely defection indicates. As dear old William S. Burroughs warned us, "Beware of apt fuckups. Anything they have anything to do with no matter how good turns into a DISASTER."

      Dr. Ron just got a case of teh Sorensons!

  28. Negropolis

    The Paultard closet must be one fucking weird closet. I imagine it as Alice and Wonderland meets the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe meets A Clockwork Orange meets Crash.

  29. Negropolis

    Judas had more scruples than Mr. Sorenson, which is well and good since Michele is no Jesus H. Christ.

  30. glamourdammerung

    Speaking of Paultards:

    “So, now that he has this new base of support of course, he’s having–frantically trying to disavow himself from the newsletters, and I agree the newsletters were a little over the top.”

    Don Black (the guy that runs Stormfront) on Ron Paul's various 'zines.

    Sometimes, the jokes write themselves.

  31. lulzmonger

    AROO! AROO! PREMIUM DRAMA DETECTED!

    Ah, makes me feel so nice to see these societal pests finally start to go Full Cannibal.

    The Bush Legacy: REPUBLICAN OBSOLESCENCE.

  32. WhatTheHeck

    What the hell lead Zepplin Neilist. No mention of whether the AK47 was Russian-made or the inferior Chinese-made weapon.

  33. not that Dewey

    So far, the AR-15 is the only gun I've tried that doesn't shatter my collar bone. Typical pansy liberal wimp, doesn't really care for recoil.

  34. Biff

    My Chinese-made Norinco AK-47 was a bit rough in fit and finish, but it was reliable as all hell. Also, it was chambered in 5.56 (.223) so ammo was readily available. Being the law-abiding upright citizen I am, I let it go when California criminalized it. Now that I'm in Nevada, I'd kinda like to get another.

  35. Neilist_Returns

    Oh.

    You should have written "Jacketed Lead" then.

    Not the MiamiViceMadeOutOfYourDrapesKindofFabricWithTheSleeves RolledUpLikeDonJohnson kind of jacket, though.

    The Full Metal kind of jacket.

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