COOKIE MONSTER IS SO NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS  9:53 am December 29, 2011

Mitt Romney Vows To Balance Budget With Reforms To ‘Sesame Street’

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Hardass Mitt Romney is now the actual GOP frontrunner, so it’s finally time to get serious, take a real stand on some issues, go IN DEPTH instead of standing around waffling on the margins always looking no matter what he wears like a dork in a turtleneck clutching an asthma inhaler while waiting for the base to grow weary of his psychotic opponents. No more. Now it’s time for “TUFF TALK MITTENS.” First things first, educational children’s teevee shows with puppets are way too free in America. A President Romney will no longer provide commercial-free programming like Sesame Street for children at a cost of a sixth of a penny per year or whatever to each taxpayer. THAT IS MONEY THAT COULD BE GOING TO WARS.

From TalkingPointsMemo:

“I like PBS,” Romney told a town hall in Clinton, Iowa Wednesday. “We subsidize PBS. Look, I’m going to stop that. I’m going to say PBS is going to have to have advertisements.”

Funding for public broadcasting played a big part in the battle over the budget that nearly led to a government shut down after the Republicans took over Congress. Republicans aimed their rhetoric at NPR, but PBS funding would also have been cut (from basically nothing to nothing) under their plan to government funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

Romney would also go after CPB funding, as well as funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, another favorite Republican target. He has promised to increase funding for the military.

Yeah, seriously, what is with all this free stuff kids are getting these days, like education? Shouldn’t they have advertisements on chalkboards or desks or lunch trays or something, by now? Shit, we’re probably giving him ideas. [TPM]

 
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{ 232 comments }

Steverino247 December 29, 2011 at 9:56 am

This episode is brought to you by the letters "B" and "S"

Harry_S_Truman December 29, 2011 at 10:07 am

More like "F" and "U," Mittens.

actor212 December 29, 2011 at 10:43 am

This episode is brought to you by the letter "$" and the number "¢"

hagajim December 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Obviously Mittens needs to talk to "The Count" because there is no way this idiocy adds up to more than "1"!

Steverino247 December 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"One stupid motherfucker! Ha, ha, ha!"

GOPCrusher December 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

The Republiklans have been saying they were going to defund PBS almost as long as they've been saying that any Democrat running for office is going to take away your guns.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2011 at 7:11 am

Don't forget outlawing abortion & amending the U.S. Constitution to enshrine heteronormative marriage as the only marriage.

Wedge issues work, though, so it's never going to happen. Well, maybe the abortion ban, but after ten years of vaginal devastation & female death-rate spike — namely, rich, white, suburban girl deaths — it will go the way of Prohibition & the Missionaries to the Preborn will have as much sway as the Women's Christian Temperance Union.

SorosBot December 29, 2011 at 9:57 am

But hey, he promises to increase funding to the military; it's horrible that our military is only the size of the entire rest of the world's combined; how is America going to conquer Earth with that small a military?

friendlyskies December 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

We can't let the taxpayers keep their money, pool it, and use it to provide themselves infrastructure, that's socialism. Instead, we must use taxpaying apparatus to steal all of their money and give it to our friends, the defense contractors, lobbyists, banks, and oil companies, for Jesus (Republican Jesus, not Mormon Jesus), capitalism, and the Founding Fathers. Amen.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

One word: mercenaries. We can hire Germanic barbarians Mexican immigrants to do our dying for us!

Spurning Beer December 29, 2011 at 11:20 am

And put ads on their uniforms, too. I'm thinking the Target logo would be really sharp.

Isyaignert December 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Dood, dood, dood!

Callyson December 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Well, we could try a charm offensive, led by the characters on Sesame Street…
…nah, let's bomb the hell out of everyone. Come on, Pakistan, what's a little collateral damage among friends?

hagajim December 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

It is horrible – how are we gonna employ people if we all don't work for the gubmint military-industrial complex.

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Waitaminnit — If WE'RE working for the military, and the Illegal Mexicans are drafted into the military, then who's Joe Arpeio gonna shoot at?

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

And with a Mormon President we will finally be able to realize the conquest of earth using Plan 9 From Outer Space (which includes a lot of fucking.)

Barb December 29, 2011 at 9:58 am

They should have commercials on Sesame Street. How else will the little girls, age 8-11 know to find the morning after pill in the bubblegum aisle? Am I right, Michele?

Designer_Rants December 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Morning after pill? That's not going to boost PBS ratings. Let's call it "KillBaby for Daily Use" (now in Child-Friendly bottle).

TheGyrus December 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

They already do have commercials on Sesame Street. They call it, "sponsorship", but either way, the show always starts with 30 second spot for McDonalds. But they do it in a low-key, PBS voice, so I guess it doesn't count.

Designer_Rants December 29, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Just like before NOVA they always thank The David G Koch Foundation for their generous donation. Nothing says "science" like a Koch Brother uh… Not trying to discredit it?

mormos December 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

fuck it. let's bring back the 80s where every kids show was just a half hour advertisement for toys. Why have commercials when the show itself can be a commercial?

Chillwaver December 29, 2011 at 9:59 am

Mittens plans for PBS also includes laying off half of the Muppets and sharing the profits with the advertisers.

Sparky_McGruff December 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

I bet those Muppets could provide a useful service, like stripping out asbestos from old buildings, or cleaning the lead sludge at the smelter.

Dudleydidwrong December 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm

They could also be used to clean up the sets after a day's hard work. I mean, if it is good enough for school children it is good enough for Bert, Ernie, and Big Bird.

Biff December 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

There's no work ethic. they need to be taught, like under the watchful eye of a master janitor.

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Who will be one of the students.

anniegetyerfun December 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

You know, if Newt gets in Mitten's cabinet, he can head up the task force on showing kids how to clean the school bathrooms. Oscar would make a great spokesmonster.

So would Newt, though, I guess.

Infrogmation December 29, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Newt is my least favorite Muppet. I mean, he just doesn't look realistic enough, and his character isn't believable.

OhNoGuy December 29, 2011 at 5:47 pm

And once you're done with him, you'll NEVER get that smell off your hand.

Schmannnity December 29, 2011 at 10:00 am

Worth borrowing money from China: war, corporate subsidies, tax cuts; not worth borrowing money for: education, health, disaster relief.

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Hey, only Eternal Warwarwar is affordable; infrastructure and education are crazy luxuries.

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 10:00 am

Let's blend these two ideas, and simply weaponize Sesame Street. That way we could increase its funding.

Oscar The Grouch as the irascible sergeant… Counting Vampire as the wonky budget analyst… Ensign Elmo as the Lt. Pulver-y morale/laundry officer… Big Bird as (what else) a colonel… hell, since DADT was repealed, even Bert and Ernie can serve…

prommie December 29, 2011 at 10:43 am

Shit, I watched Mr. Roberts last night, for coincidences and stuff.

GOPCrusher December 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Not after Rick Perry is made Secretary of War.

EatsBabyDingos December 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

This is like putting Texas Pete on a bran muffin. Pointless.

Mort_Sinclair December 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

Under a "President Romney," (ugh in every context) we'd be lucky to get off (ugh again) with just commercials on Sesame Street. What would happen if he found out Elmo was a black guy? Discuss.

FlyOverGirl December 29, 2011 at 10:15 am

Jeez, what about the whole "using a Grouch in a trash can to teach kids it's okay to be homeless" thing?

arihaya December 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

Elmo gonna be sent to Gitmo, baby

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

Elmo is red so he is an Injun, obvs.

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm

No, a Commie.

WIDTAP December 29, 2011 at 10:44 am

Could be worse. If were Palin or Bachmann, they would simply imply that Kevin Clash was a pedophile and demand that public money not longer be use to officially sanction possible child molestation.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 11:03 am

Elmo isn't going to get his own planet when he dies?

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Corporations are people my friends. (Blacks, not so much.).

bureaucrap December 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

Armageddon – brought to you by the letter "A"!

Schmannnity December 29, 2011 at 10:02 am

Can you tell me how to get to Hypocrisy Street?

memzilla December 29, 2011 at 10:07 am

Take a hard right turn at Wingtard Avenue, then keep going straight.

Schmannnity December 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

"Going straight on Wingtard Avenue" goes right past the Bachmann place.

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

I think you would have to prance gaily past the Bachman place.

Steverino247 December 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

And by a dork from the Church of Jesus Christ of Pulling a Religion Out of a Hat.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 10:15 am

Our Lady of Perpetually Making Shit Up.

SorosBot December 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

The Church of Perpetually Making Shit Up describes every religion ever, though.

natoslug December 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Yes, but most religions like to figuratively pull their religion out of a hat. The LDS went whole-hog and literally did so. At least it made for a great South Park episode (and was quite useful in helping my wife break a lifetime habit of Mormonism. At some point even the True Believers are willing to say "Okay, now you're just fucking with me. Rocks in a hat? Really?")

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 2:51 am

I've always said that Mormonism is extra cynical in that they start off as fundamentalist, literalist Evangelicals, and then add extra fundamentalist and literalist shit on top of that. The only religion more cynical is Scientology.

Bill_Mars December 29, 2011 at 10:05 am

I still envy his lego snap-on hair.

weejee December 29, 2011 at 10:08 am

Does Mittens have a snap-on tool too?

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 10:18 am

He is a snap-on tool.

Biff December 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Hardly. Snap-On tools are of the highest quality. Mittens doesn't even meet Craftsman standards.

EatsBabyDingos December 29, 2011 at 10:05 am

wilLARD fights the Lard and the Pink Robots of Distopia with his trusty sidekicks, Flipper and Flopper.

samsuncle December 29, 2011 at 10:05 am

Subsidizing Big Bird is bad. Subsidizing Big Oil is good.

Chillwaver December 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

Leave Callista alone!

chicken_thief December 29, 2011 at 11:11 am

Or, in Iowa – corn.

AnAmericanInTO December 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Get thee to Cafe Press and put that shit on a bumper sticker my friend!

Harry_S_Truman December 29, 2011 at 10:06 am

"Funding for public broadcasting played a big part in the battle over the budget that nearly led to a government shut down after the Republicans took over Congress.

Looks like Mittens needs to learn his fractions; .01% of the budget is not "a big part of the battle."

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm

No, but the GoOPers spent 99% of their time holding their breath and turning bluer than Grover over .01% of the budget. That's Responsible Politics!

El Pinche December 29, 2011 at 10:06 am

You know Mittens hates Sesame Street ("I like PBS" ~ "Im not a racist"). He wants to put every Muppet in ventilation-less cage on his car and drive cross country between his town mansions.

AlterNewt December 29, 2011 at 10:07 am

Are the primaries over yet?

Barb December 29, 2011 at 10:25 am

Not until the fat lady, Marcus sings.

chicken_thief December 29, 2011 at 11:14 am

Would that be about the same that Santorum swamps the field?

CapeClod December 29, 2011 at 10:08 am

Remember Mitt, the Corporation for Public Broadcasting are people too.

CivicHoliday December 29, 2011 at 10:08 am

La la la la
La la la la
Romney's world
La la la la
La la la la
Romney's world
Romney likes his soldiers
Corporations too
Thaaaat's Roommmney's woooorrrrllllldddd

weejee December 29, 2011 at 10:10 am

Hardass Mitt Romney is now the actual GOP frontrunner

Nate the Skate Silver disagrees. Seems there's still some hot air in the PaulTard blimp. 'Specially since She1ey's Iowa campaign manager just quit and endorsed Ron Paul.

CivicHoliday December 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

(P.S. snark off, I have a 2 year old and right now Sesame Street is the only program I feel safe letting her watch precisely because it is FREE of the awful advertising and product placements she already gets pretty much everywhere else on the planet. So, yeah, fuck you Mittens, keep your filthy hands off my PBS)

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

C is for Capital Gains, that's good enough for me.

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm

C is for Carried Interest-The reasons Mitt pays less taxes than you do.

FlyOverGirl December 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

How else will the tots get to see the "I am a Mormon" commercials?

Hasa diga eebowai, Mittens.

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 10:20 am

Hasa diga Mittens.

BelleSC December 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Hasa diga Mittens.
Not enough upfists on the Wonkette.

BTW, best show on Broadway. If you can't go see it at least buy the music.

PalinzADummy December 30, 2011 at 2:29 am

Just "Fuck you, Mittens" is good enough.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

Replace the 50 stars on the flag with the logo of Microsoft. The Statue of Liberty could be renamed 'Statue of General Electric'. Army tanks and humvees could have ads on the like cabs do. It takes someone with business experience to change things in Washington.

Although Mittens' experience is about corporate raiding and massive layoffs.

proudgrampa December 29, 2011 at 10:58 am

All the monuments could get sponsors!

"The Lincoln Memorial, brought to you by Ford."

poncho_pilot December 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

The Grand Canyon sponsored by:
http://www.drmatlock.com/

proudgrampa December 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Wow. Just wow. You deserve many upfists for that one!

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2011 at 7:19 am

Vietnam Memorial & Pho on the Mall.

The Viagra Memorial.

The Bic John F. Kennedy Eternal Flame.

real_dc_native December 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm

"Although Mittens' experience is about corporate raiding and massive layoffs. "

That's exactly the expertise that the Republicans and their corporate sponsors need in Washington!

Swampgas_Man December 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm

If he can lay off Florida and Arizona and sell 'em to France, he's got MY vote.

yyyaz December 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm

If that means me and my family get free passage to Paris, I'm in, too.

starfanglednut December 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

What gave them this hard on for CPB anyway? I can't remember. Did someone on the network utter a liberal sentiment or something? I bet if Sesame Street promoted homophobia, racism, and war, they'd want to double its funding. I love PBS. I'm sick of these fucking bastards. And if they think this won't increase piracy, they're smokin cow dung.

Rotundo_ December 29, 2011 at 10:24 am

On rare occasions, extremely rare these days as the board is composed of corporate idiots and the shows are all underwritten with corporate money (advertising is already there folks, just 'cause it ain't tattooed on the bird's ass doesn't mean it isn't there) there are some bits of truth to be found. You have to sift a lot of turd for the nugget or two of truth to be found, and it outrages them to think that the 1/5000th of a cent their net contribution to it was spent. Fucking morons.

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 11:06 am

I believe the main problem is that public media carries news broadcasting that isn't in lockstep with Fox.

In other words, Jim Lehrer needs blonder hair and bigger tits.

nedbeaumontjr December 29, 2011 at 11:31 am

In other words, Jim Lehrer needs blonder hair and bigger tits.

Not the worst idea I've heard.

real_dc_native December 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Public media often deals with "facts" and we all know that facts have a liberal bias.

FlownOver December 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Simple – Nova = science = liberalism = Godless socialism. The only cure is extensive advertising that proves crude oil helps build strong bodies twelve ways.

StarsUponThars December 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

"Hi folks. Big Bird here. When my hemorrhoids flair up, I use Preparation H."

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

"Ever have that 'no so fresh' feeling in your cloaca?"

thebeatgoeson December 29, 2011 at 11:54 am

How come no one had given you a thumbs up for that yet?! I lol'd. That word always makes me giggle.

Barrelhse December 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"Hey, kids, here in the studio it's all knuckles and know-how, but when I get home …"

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

I always knew this asshole was in the pocket of Big Elmo.

SorosBot December 29, 2011 at 10:18 am

I would support a plan to get Elmo off Sesame Street and stop fucking ruining the show.

lefty74 December 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

Mittens needs his Herb Tarlek coat, spandex plaid pants, white platforms, and matching belt.

arihaya December 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

make sense as many of his supporters are corporate sock puppets

joshleefolsom December 29, 2011 at 10:16 am

The Muppets need to get in Romney's ass. Pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind them. Spray paint Big Bird was here, wash me, all that shit, fuck his whole asshole up. Turn over Oscar's garbage can, throw that on the floor, fuck his whole asshole up.

freakishlywrong December 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

You couldn't pull a pin outta his uptight sphincter with a tractor.

yyyaz December 29, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I hear his loaf pincher is so tight he squeaks when he walks and dogs come running when he farts.

arihaya December 29, 2011 at 10:16 am

also Romney is the type of man who made his fortune the "Open Sesame" way, i.e: by being born from the right vagina

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 10:39 am

So, does this mean all of here were born from the left vagina?

Wadisay December 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

Advertisements are people, too, my friend.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 10:18 am

The real reason the GOP wants to pull the plug on PBS is that they're still sore about the whole "Dysfunction Junction" affair.

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Also, as William F. Buckley observed, reading makes the masses restless.

Mumbletypeg December 29, 2011 at 10:19 am

TAGGED: BIG BIRD

When Mittens is Prezident, he probably won't pardon the turkey either, it just has that guilty look of resource usurper about it. Never mind "a chicken in every pot," Mitt is all 21st century now with "a Zynga® ad in every textbook" and Ritalin dispensers affixed where you used to go sharpen your pencil in a wall-mounted gizmo. Forget about foreign languages cloying our academics; let the kids refine their multi-lingual chops listening to parent-financed RosettaStone on the rides to/ from kickball practice. It's the most pragmatic way to groom them for the distant lands they'll never have their appetite whetted to visit, orchestral variations they'll never divine without wondering which commercial jingle it reminds them of, visual masterpieces whose significance they'll not be burdened with knowing how much they've been robbed of the opportunity to fully apprehend.

SayItWithWookies December 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm

They don't need any of that fancy stuff anyway — it would just take away from their soldiering duties (or in the case of Mitt's five service-eligible sons, campaigning for their dad).

Beowoof December 29, 2011 at 10:21 am

Mittens plan for CPB, massive layoffs and production moved to China. Welcome to Seasame Chicken Street.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 10:21 am

This is so low-hanging fruity it's almost embarrassing:

#OccupySesameStreet

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

What about those xtian vegetable dudes? They'd probably taste better with a little bit of pepper spray.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 10:45 am

xtian vegetable dudes

Gassing Reagan's corpse? Count me in!

ManchuCandidate December 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

This Shining Mittens moment was brought to you by the number 1 (as in percenter) and by the letters G, O, P, F and U.

freakishlywrong December 29, 2011 at 10:25 am

"I like PBS,” Romney told a town hall in Clinton, Iowa Wednesday. “We subsidize PBS. Look, I’m going to stop that."

I've ceased to have the patience to decipher all this bullshit; I mean, really, what the fuck is he talking about?

hollywooddood December 29, 2011 at 10:36 am

They're just words he strings together that teabaggers can listen to and then nod and grin at their ability to get behind his deep insights.

not that Dewey December 29, 2011 at 10:44 am

He wants to kill PBS with kindness?

DahBoner December 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Mitt likes PBS.

Mitt LOVES The Koch Brothers.

Any questions?

yyyaz December 29, 2011 at 4:55 pm

It's the thought process of a psychopath: if you love something that doesn't love you back, you must kill it.

DaRooster December 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hey Mitt… sell a jet… there, PBS paid up for a year.

DonnyKerabotsos December 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

Mitt is on the something, but why stop there? Maybe we should require churches to carry advertizing in exchange for their tax-exempt status. You know, maybe plaster the Golden Arches on Communion wafers and have Glade scented candles in the sacristy.

Riding one of those "little or no cost to you" scooters? NASCAR type jumpsuits with Metamucil and Dr Scholl's orthotics logos out to bring in a few bucks.

Want that social security, gramps? Just slip into this Chuck E Cheese costume, old timer, and the check is in the mail!

DahBoner December 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Anerican taypayers SUBSIDIZE Christian Chuches????

Whaaaaat?

When's the last time a church gave YOU a job, my friends?

Rotundo_ December 29, 2011 at 10:29 am

It is good to know that Mitt has priorities, it is sad to find that they begin at something that doesn't amount to 15 minutes of services from XE or whatever they're called these days, or the office party budget of the fucking Air Force.

OhNoGuy December 29, 2011 at 6:12 pm

But his pig-ignorant listeners know that foreign aid is 25% of the budget and PBS has got to be about the same and THAT'S WHY OUR TAXES ARE SO HIGH!

chascates December 29, 2011 at 10:30 am

So far as military funding being the top priority these people should consider moving to North Korea, where that idea has borne fruit for decades.

ManchuCandidate December 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

Eating fruit or eating in general, not so much.

CapeClod December 29, 2011 at 10:30 am

I'm wondering if we are going to see product placement when the next round of 'Downton Abbey' comes up.

"Carson, I think my gout is acting up."

"Indeed, Lord Grantham. Might I suggest trying Uloric? Its the number one remedy for gout treatment. Let hold that beaker of green fluid for you."

DerrickWildcat December 29, 2011 at 10:34 am

Our Army guys need to get top secret Ninja training like in the James Bond film if we are to defeat the Northern Korea. Did you see how hard they can cry? That means they are probably good fighters.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

Spoken like a man who has never sat with his children watching TV on a cold, rainy day. Actually, more like a man who could give two shits about his children after he pulls his magic underwear back on.

Eve8Apples December 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

At least he didn't tie his kids to the top of a station wagon and drive across the country – well, at least that story hasn't been reported yet.

V572 the Merciless December 29, 2011 at 10:36 am

THAT MONEY COULD BE GOING TO WARS Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Haliburton, Raytheon, etc…But not the VA.

fartknocker December 29, 2011 at 10:36 am

Really? The most important item on Mittens agenda is to cut PBS funding? This fingerbanging turdblossom flips more than the China ballet acrobats.

Has anyone else noticed that when Mit talks to his constituents, he sounds like an excited 8 year old? Sort of like "Mommy, I saw Newt take a giant shit in Ron Paul's ice cream bowl!"

ManchuCandidate December 29, 2011 at 10:43 am

To be fair… isn't every shit Newt takes a giant one?

DahBoner December 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Hell yeah, Newtie needs two bathrooms!

BelleSC December 29, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Has anyone else noticed that when Mit talks to his constituents, he sounds like an excited 8 year old? Sort of like "Mommy, I saw Newt take a giant shit in Ron Paul's ice cream bowl!"

Ding, dong. Hello, My name is Elder Romney! <ear to ear smile>

PuglyDoRight December 29, 2011 at 10:38 am

The money saved wouldn't even pay for a tank. What a douche.

GregComlish December 29, 2011 at 10:38 am

Sesame Street needs to find real sponsors. The worst part of Sesame Street is how it doesn't relentlessly shove consumerism down the necks of our impressionable children. Where else will kids learn turn to become screeching vultures for overpriced plastic figurines and high fructose corn syrup?

actor212 December 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

Tickle Me Elmo can lead the way.

CivicHoliday December 29, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Actually, kids hear about Tickle Me Elmo on other channels. They may learn to LOVE him on Sesame Street but the toy mania come separately.

Barb December 29, 2011 at 10:39 am

I can't wait to hear how he would deport Dora the Explorer.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

She'll be cleaning his toilets.

BarackMyWorld December 29, 2011 at 11:33 am

I hope she has her papers in her BACKPACK BACKPACK! BACKPACK BACKPACK! YEAH!

(Yes, I have a 5 year-old.)

johnnymeatworth December 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

"Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" BACK WHERE SHE FUCKING BELONGS.

GOPCrusher December 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Have you seen her long form live birth certificate?

Eve8Apples December 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

She'll have to stand on the street corner and turn tricks if she wants to stay in this country.

actor212 December 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm

You met my seester Dora? She been a virgin twel' times!

freakishlywrong December 29, 2011 at 10:39 am

Ahem.."Family values", ahem..um..Jesus, they're all such..cunts.

actor212 December 29, 2011 at 10:41 am

Commercials on PBS?

How could you tell?

proudgrampa December 29, 2011 at 11:02 am

Well said, 212. There are enough commercials on PBS as it is.

NogFilledExistence December 29, 2011 at 2:25 pm

If I have to see that one with the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation one more friggin' time…

actor212 December 29, 2011 at 3:10 pm

If the MacArthur people are reading this thread, I in no way endorse this comment.

I can haz grant now?

DaRooster December 29, 2011 at 10:46 am

"… and we should make larger ketchup (vegetable) packets so we can sell advertizing there."

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

And charge a quarter each for them. Damned socialists demanding free ketchup packets with their food.

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 10:48 am

Yes, we should require educational shows on PBS to show ads every five minutes. It has worked so well for TLC, after all.

fartknocker December 29, 2011 at 10:58 am

My wife calls it "PLC" which means "Pedophile Learning Channel."

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 11:10 am

Understandably so, after reviewing their list of shows. Still, at least they will teach me how to use coupons to facilitate my hoarding.

Quite a step down from airing James Burke documentaries. But that's the free market for you, right Mitt? It gives us shitty, vacuous TV shows, just like it gives us shitty, vacuous politicians.

Dashboard Buddha December 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

Hi, My name is Dora the Explorer. Just because I travel to exotic places doesn't mean I don't want to feel fresh. That's why I use Summer's Eve.

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 10:55 am

Put some pants on that damned monkey!

Dashboard Buddha December 29, 2011 at 11:05 am

Hi, I'm Dora's Monkey. Have you ever had a candiru swim up your privates? It's not fun. That's why whenever Dora and I have to cross a South American river, I wear Hanes IronLock briefs.

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 11:29 am

This adds a whole new dimension to items that Swiper can swipe.

When does Dora After Dark start airing?

Blueb4sunrise December 29, 2011 at 11:06 am

One-L says that Dora can get Plan B at the bubblegum rack.

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 11:31 am

Dora Explores Herself, sponsored by Playboy.

Dashboard Buddha December 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Playboys "The Women of PBS – Feature Terry Gross"

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I feel like I should point out that Dora is shown on Nickelodeon, not PBS. Unfortunately, nobody gets Between the Lions jokes.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 2:59 am

Oh, that is so bad…but it's why you're so good.

Blueb4sunrise December 29, 2011 at 11:04 am

Sorta on topic since so much mention of teh guns and stuff.
Many WTF's?

Weapons Sales to Iraq Move Ahead Despite U.S. Worries
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/29/world/middleeas

natoslug December 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Why the WTF? They have a need, we have the product. It's simply a matter of supply and demand. What could possibly go wrong with supplying weapons to a potential tyrant? Besides, it's not our job to be the world's police force — if those Iraqis start getting too uppity, I'm sure someone will step in and settle things down. It's not like they have a history of instability or extremism in that region.

proudgrampa December 29, 2011 at 11:04 am

You can let my grandchildren watch Sesame Street commercials when you pry the remote from my cold, dead hands!

DaRooster December 29, 2011 at 11:04 am

Hey Mitt,
I do not mind if some of my taxes go toward PBS… take it out of my bomb money.
Thanks,
DaR

Guppy December 29, 2011 at 11:09 am

"I’m going to say PBS is going to have to have advertisements."

You first. "This campaign 'town hall' was brought to you by…"

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Bain Capital?

x111e7thst December 29, 2011 at 11:09 am

He will also have to defund Planned Parenthood. No way to balance the budget without that.

SayItWithWookies December 29, 2011 at 11:10 am

Shit, there's no reason to fund PBS if Mittens becomes president — the kids'll be too busy mopping the bathrooms after school to watch it anyway.

DetectiveGrey December 29, 2011 at 11:13 am

I hope someone can step up and make a miracle like this happen again.

thebeatgoeson December 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I stumbled upon this after watching your link. What the hell is wrong with these people?! "Mr. Rogers is an Evil Man?" – Fox News http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29lmR_357rA

mavenmaven December 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Yes, if the people think they are special, how will they and their children work cheaply all day for their wealthy overlords?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Nice, nice, very nice.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 11:14 am

When Blowhards Collide:
Gingrich Floats Choosing Sarah Palin as Vice President, Energy Secretary
Last night during a tele-town hall hosted by Ralph Reed’s Faith and Freedom Coalition, a caller asked Newt Gingrich if he would consider choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate if he wins the Republican nomination. Gingrich responded that Palin “is certainly one of the people you would look at” and told the caller that he is “a great admirer of hers,” saying “she was a remarkable reform governor of Alaska.” He also floated appointing Palin to a Cabinet position such as Energy Secretary because he “can’t imagine anybody who would do a better job of driving us to an energy solution than Gov. Palin.” Earlier this week, Gingrich pledged to fill the judiciary with graduates of the far-right Liberty and Regent University.
from RightWingwatch

Indiepalin December 29, 2011 at 11:28 am

Gingrich also plans to appoint Bryan Fischer to the post of Secretary of the Interior so he can pursue the extinction of the grizzly bear, who Fischer calls the "Jeffrey Dahmers of the animal kingdom."

SayItWithWookies December 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

He also floated appointing Palin to a Cabinet position such as Energy Secretary because he “can’t imagine anybody who would do a better job of driving us to an energy solution than Gov. Palin.”

Shit — Thelma and Louise could drive us to a better energy solution than Gov. Palin.

ThundercatHo December 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Todd is not showering her with nearly enough whore diamonds.

natoslug December 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

At least he and I agree about something — I also think Sarah Palin is a floater. What I want to know is when will the media fucking flush and finally rid us of her?

GOPCrusher December 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Actually, I was just thinking how pleasant it has been not hearing anything about her lately. I fully expect between today and Tuesday, she will rear her ugly head.

Indiepalin December 29, 2011 at 11:25 am

The dirty little secret is that not only would any republican administration cut all funding for NPR and PBS, they would also try to and destroy their tax-exempt status so that contributions from the public would not be tax-deductible.

El Pinche December 29, 2011 at 11:28 am

Of course the independents and swing voters (or "r33tards" as I like to call them) are soaking this all up . "DURFFH, UH YEAH, PBS IS SOSHELISM, ..HAHA BIG BIIIRD!! ROMNY IS GOOD! ROMNY IS GOOD! ME HUNGRY , ME WANT SLIM JIM."

sbj1964 December 29, 2011 at 11:34 am

I have the solution to the problem! Dress Burt & Ernie up like NASCAR drivers. Then have Corporate America sponsor nap time with Cigarette,and Alcohol sleeping mat's.

mavenmaven December 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

Romney will run commercials for the military and from the church of latter day saints on Sesame Street.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 12:19 pm

I've seen the ads running on local TV that show what appears to be an average American and then ends with a tagline, "And I'm a Mormon'.

OhNoGuy December 29, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Maybe he could do a pitch for enlistment? "Mitt Romney here. My boys are too good to be cannon fodder but ……"

randcoolcatdaddy December 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Well … eliminating the CPB/PBS funds should reduce the Federal budget by .0001%.

You have to start small, I suppose.

Naked_Bunny December 29, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Maybe Congress should watch Extreme Couponing on TLC.

cheetojeebus December 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm

And using Mitt's business model, I just made my entire mortgage with the proceeds from the sale of this can of pork n beans. This whole case of ramen noodles should cover my vacation home in the Hamptons. You can just call me Duke Van D'Campin' Out !

natoslug December 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Panic on the sets of SciGirls
Panic on the street of Sesame
I wonder to myself
Could life ever be sane again ?
The thoughtful shows that you gaze upon
I wonder to myself
IQs may rise on the WordGirl
But Honey Pie, you're not safe here
So you run down
To the safety of the town
But there's Panic on the sets of Arthur
Barney, Carmen, Super Why!
I wonder to myself

Burn out the Hoopers
Hang the blasted Big Bird
Because the words that they constantly say
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE
Hang the blasted Big Bird
Because the words they constantly say . . .

Education, or even simple mindless escape free of corporate influence is NOT ACCEPTABLE for the fucking poorz.

Eve8Apples December 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Corporations are people.
Puppets are not corporations.
Children are not corporations.
Therefore, children and their puppets are screwed.

Zombie_Reagan December 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

So the fact that PBS receives (what seems like $5,000) annually from the federal government is just "destroying" this country? Really? Obviously, that money is better spent spying on Americans or paying for 0.0000000000028 of a shiny new death drone.

I'm all out of snark for these goddamn fuckwits.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm

The normal retort from 'wingers is that PBS (especially NPR) is supposed to be politically neutral but obviously is not, since it doesn't parrot Faux News talking points.

johnnyzhivago December 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Mitt is right. It makes me wonder why should parents give their kids stuff for free?

Kids are just freeloaders, especially infants and toddlers.

Schmegeg December 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Oscar the Grouch would kick Mitten's ass in the primaries.

DahBoner December 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I wonder what Romney's position on Oregon v.s. L.A. Kush?

chascates December 29, 2011 at 12:34 pm

RightWingWatch.org is running their best of the year videos including:

Cindy Jacobs claiming that birds were dying in Arkansas because of the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Jerry Boykin explaining that the 2008 economic collapse was part of a plot by George Soros and the Council on Foreign Relations order to help Barack Obama win the election and install a Marxist, one-world government.
Mike Bickle warning that Oprah Winfrey is a harbinger of the Antichrist.
John Benefiel warning that the Statue of Liberty is actually a demonic idol.

This is the Republican base.

owhatever December 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Under the Romney Reign, Kermit Dodge Ram the Frog can marry up to eight Miss Sony 3G Piggies at the same time.

This message is brought to you by the letters F-U-C-K-M-I-T-T.

Dudleydidwrong December 29, 2011 at 12:47 pm

"Word Girl, from now on all the words must come from the Conservative Dictionary (http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Dictionary_Project) We don't want any of those liberal words with liberal socialist meanings taught to our impressionable young. Shape up or ship out, Girl. Maybe you need to be retrained…"

Tommmcattt December 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Oh my God, you must fix that link.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I'm waiting for the great twist, when it is revealed that Romney is actually an evil Muppet gone rogue.

Steverino247 December 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Let's hope he doesn't spread a lot of simoleons around Toon Town and buys the election.

PuglyDoRight December 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm

He does resemble Guy Smiley, doesn't he? Has anyone ever seen them in a room together?

Troglodeity December 29, 2011 at 1:02 pm

He will also aggressively balance the budget by cutting wasteful subsidies to the North Western Railway on the Island of Sodor.

AnAmericanInTO December 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Hell, half the programs on cable are all based on the message behind ANTIQUES ROADSHOW: Yes, YOU have something very valuable collecting dust in your attic just waiting to find the right buyer. See also, picking through other people's trash, storage lockers, Cash4Gold ads…

Seriously, SESAME STREET could actually do alright for itself since all those dolls, knick knacks and books (THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK, forever!) send the profits back to the CTW, but the Repugs just loathe FRONTLINE and any documentary that isn't about the history of Krispy Kreme.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

There are a few things that the government does right and PBS is one of them. So naturally Numbnutz Mttens wants to cut them off of what little federal funds they get. Only in wingnut world does this get applause.

Troglodeity December 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Big Bird: brought to you by Butterball 100% Sharia Turkeys.

Barrelhse December 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6LwbCM5u_Q&fe
Mittens in River City, Iowa (according to Guardian UK)
If Mitt just had one-tenth of this talent…

Steverino247 December 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Trouble with a capital T
That rhymes with G
And that stands for GOP!

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2011 at 7:29 am

Marian the Librarian is a lazy unionized educator who needs to be stopped from inculcating her crypto-Stalinist agenda to the nation's young people.

rickmaci December 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

You have to understand, it isn't about the money. PBS and CPB have been around since 1967. They have become very easy dog whistle topics for the RebuliKKKan base. The programming is so "urban". Sesame Street has become another way for the RebulicKKKan's to use the "n" word in public, that's all. Willard is using CPB and PBS as code words in his stump speech, to get the white sheets and cross burning crowd all stirred up.

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Si' Creo que es vedad. (Gawd, I've watched too much Sesame Street)

BlueStateLibel December 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

According to Romney's plan, by the age of 12, kids (unless they're Romney kids) should be either out in the fields or in the sweatshops, or the wives of guys three decades older than them.

Barrelhse December 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm

But don't forget that Romney's kids are performing a critical service to Our Country by helping to get Mittens elected, instead of them serving in the military. Can you think of ANYTHING more important than that?

VinnyThePooh December 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I’m sure Marcus Bachmann jumped to submit his bid to ungay Bert and Ernie.

Redhead December 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I see he got suspicious about Bert and Ernie's, errr… living arrangements.

proudgrampa December 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm

THIS JUST IN.

The Romney campaign has hired Jonathan Swift, author of "A Modest Proposal," to help define future administration policy toward children.

Edit: Swift said, ""A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragoust."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 29, 2011 at 2:44 pm

One puppet calling out a bunch of other puppets? Obviously, what really matters is whose hand is up your ass.

Ducksworthy December 29, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I don't mind the kiddies eating STP but Oreos are bad for you.

Xan December 29, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Did I somehow miss the part where there is no advertising on public television?

Eve8Apples December 29, 2011 at 5:33 pm

If Sesame Street is going to have ads, all of our military equipment should have ads plastered on the sides. I can't wait to see a convoy of tanks covered with KY lubricant, Trojan and Tampax ads rolling across the Afghan desert.

chascates December 29, 2011 at 8:08 pm

If they're rolling across the Afghan desert make it Sheik brand comdoms!

ttommyunger December 29, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Every time Mitt opens his mouth he reveals just how out of touch he is with the real world. PBS has had paid advertisement for years. True, they don't sandwich glitzy ads between shows as on basic cable, but they are there, they are identified by name at the beginning of shows and between shows and they are plentiful. Public and Government funding are only two of a three legged stool for their finances. It is painfully obvious Romney has never watched a PBS Program in his life.

miss_grundy December 29, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I hope this asshole never walks into my favorite diner here in southeastern Michigan. I volunteer at my local PBS station and I probably would drop a carafe of coffee in this jerk's lap.

Negropolis December 30, 2011 at 2:32 am

Hey Willard, we wouldn't have to borrow that much money from China if your party would actually let us, you know, tax shit at responsible levels in a nation as developed and wealthy as ours.

Actually, I have a better idea, Willard. Why don't we, the people of these United States, balance the budget by just cold snatching your ill-gotten gains, you rube?

Yeah, Big Bird says hi, you greedy bastard. Just because you're a whore doesn't mean everyone else wants to be one.

SaintRond December 30, 2011 at 8:15 am

Romney reminds me of one of those Mormons Howard Hughes used to like having around to do the messy job of keeping his vitamin B and morphine drip dripping and attach his catheter each morning before changing his piss bag and wiping up any of those pesky infections that would accrue. Hughes felt these people were naturally clean and good for the sterile environment he wanted to maintain, and to show his appreciation would purchase them bottles of distilled water and coupons for chili dogs at Tommy's, a diet Hughes felt would maintain the highest standards of blood purity.

Basically, he's a cold blooded automaton who's used to maintaining a mask of sanity in a world of complete and utter insanity, which makes him come off robot like. That's Mitt. That's Mormonism.

user-of-owls December 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm

OF COURSE!
Of Course!
of course

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2011 at 7:16 am

By the time L. Ron & Joseph Smith & Elijah Muhammad came around, there was little for earthly religion to explain. That's why all three are so science-fictiony & outer space heavy.

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