just a big old (welfare) queen

Rick Perry Has Idea About Which Gov’t Officials Need a Pay Cut: Not Him

Rick Perry’s comprehensive new policy platform for “fixin’ shit” is just to slash Congress’ $174,000 annual paychecks in half and cut back on the time that Congress spends in Washington, as punishment for making everyone hate them. This is Rick Perry’s huge “solution” to everything according to his new campaign ad, an idea that has all the sparkling wisdom of a plan to magically improve educational achievement by cutting back the number of school days for ornery children who fail to turn in their homework on time. But sure, maybe Congress should be paid less, for being useless screw-ups already awash in filthy personal riches? Of course, this surely must mean that Rick Perry cut his own salary in half this year, after publicly giving up and handing off his official duties to God when his state was burning to the ground?

No, Rick Perry decided that his one paycheck was only half the number of paychecks that he deserves, so now he gets two! He can somehow get away with this because he has been on the public payroll so long that he already qualifies for a pension in addition to his regular paycheck, for a total of $224,000 a year.

From the Houston Chronicle:

Perry has spent much of his adult life collecting a state paycheck. By Jan. 30, 2011, he was able to transfer 26 years and 1 month of time accumulated from his elected service as governor, agriculture commissioner, lieutenant governor, legislator and even some military service to qualify to retire in the regular “employee” class, according to campaign spokesman Ray Sullivan.

Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.”

The governor’s decision to collect both pension and pay — divulged in financial disclosures as part of Perry’s U.S. presidential campaign — has angered many rank-and-file Texas employees who sometimes can return to state employment after retirement, but only after a 90-day waiting period and seeing their pensions frozen, said Mike Gross, vice president of the 12,000-member Texas State Employees Union.

“Whether the thing’s legal or not, the governor is locked arm in arm with a whole group of conservatives who are attacking our pension fund and then he is taking advantage of a loophole that only he and a few others have access to. It’s outrageous,” he said.

Ha ha, we always love (or hate, maybe both?) news quotes about Rick Perry having “access” to “holes.” EW. [YouTube/Houston Chronicle]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    I can't wait to see him jog into the sunset with his pockets full of used condoms. Run Forrest, run!

    • coolhandnuke

      It makes perfect sense that Perry is on pension…pension anagrammed is no penis.

      • flamingpdog

        Thanks, now I finally know why I've been putting off retirement for the past three years!

    • Radiotherapy

      With the jogging suit supplied by the state's "Exercise for Life" program and the condoms supplied by the "Safe Sex Initiative."

    • Beowoof

      Inquiring minds want to know if the condoms are covered with Santorum. Based on Rick's "history" I am thinking he will want to keep those in his pocket.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        His BACK pocket.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Going to need quite a Spin Doctor to talk his way out of that.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.”

    What? Is that bastard too elitist to use the "eat cat food and die" retirement plan that he wants the rest of us to adopt?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Yes. Any further questions?

  • x111e7thst

    If Rick spent those 26 years and 1 month of time figuring out that Washington was the problem then it was time well spent.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Does Rick Perry look like a man who ever spent ONE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTE figuring out anything?

      HUH? DOES HE?

      • Loaded_Pants

        You want an easy answer, don't you?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Oh, you think nuance is possible heah?

          He's just SUCH a fucking dimwit. I mean, it's like he's not even trying. Oops.

          • Negropolis

            I mean, this man is a supernova of idiocy. What makes it so maddening is his pride in not knowing shit and shooting off at the mouth about things he knows absolutely fuck-all about.

            I'm not a ill-wisher, but he's the kind of guy I could make the exception for. Surely, this man needs some kind of personal challenge or crisis that will reveal his humanity and humility for the first time in that fucking miserable thing he calls a "life." There are too many people like him in the world.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            It only took one or two severe ass-kickings for most of us to realize that showing up unprepared for a meeting or a performance review or a debate was a huge no-no. Only one or two. Rick Perry's ass is severely dented from a lifetime of kickings. Yet, he can still turn up with an empty head, a list of TWO, of which he can't remember ONE item, and an "OOPS."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Ha ha, we always love news quotes about Rick Perry having “access” to “holes.”

    Who is this we, Kemo Sabe?

  • DaRooster

    Agriculture Commissioner?

    Are corn dogs a vegetable… seems he knows his corn dogs mighty well.

    • Callyson

      Though I'll bet the much – missed Kortney could teach him a thing or two about vegetables…

      • OneDollarJuana

        If the rumors are true Kortney has nothing to teach Senorita Perry.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        What ever happened to dear, sweet Kortney?

        • flamingpdog
          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Always happy to help, ain'tcha, pdog?

            I just miss having her on our pages here. (sniff!)

          • DaRooster

            T H A N K Y O U !!
            I feel better now…

    • Loaded_Pants

      With Perry as President, corn dogs will be declared a veggie by Congress.

      • Biff

        Just as Congress is declared a veggie by the rest of us.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Like as not, so will Perry.

      • DaRooster

        Corn is a (hybrid/GMO) vegetable…

  • sbj1964

    Typical Republican Slash & Burn solution to every problem.

    • DaRooster

      Sounds like a solution to Texas too…

  • AlterNewt

    He really is too dumb to know that he's stupid.

    • Baconzgood

      How zen.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        When Governor Brokeback speaks, it is the sound of one hand fapping.

        • Tundra Grifter

          DDB:

          Instead of drinking tea from an empty cup, Gov. Perry is doing his level best to have an original thought from an empty brain.

      • Tundra Grifter

        BZG:

        That was Zen.

        This is Tao.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Obama's a Buddhist, too? How does he find the time, between Maumauing, Islamizing, Socializing, Concentrating, & basketballing?

          • Loaded_Pants

            You forget "doing crack in the ghetto, leering at white women, & being lazy."

          • user-of-owls

            What's the matter with you people?! Hell-lo. What, is "gnawing off the digits of post-snowflake white babies" too mundane for you?!

          • Loaded_Pants

            Apologies. That one did slip my mind.

          • Baconzgood

            EMERICAN JEBUS BLOOD LIBEL TO BOTH YOUZ!!!!!

          • Tundra Grifter

            HD 1:

            I'm pretty sure Mr. Obama is a Buddhist because he knows that Change must come from within.

            Hope he might be able to help you with…

          • Baconzgood

            BLOOD LIBEL TO YOU TOO ALSO!

    • Swampgas_Man

      People hauling in $224,000 aren't dumb, they're scum.

      • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

        The Texans who voted for him, on the other hand…

      • AlterNewt

        As my sainted grandmother used to say;

        "I'm sure he has 'people' to think for him".

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          I bet you heard that a lot during the Bush Administration.

      • Rotundo_

        Salary does not correlate with intellect, particularly in politics. Rick is as stupid as they come, just lucky and malleable for the puppeteers in Tejas politics. He isn't, and likely never will be ready for national races, but he could wind up gubbner for life of Tejas.

        • user-of-owls

          I'm thinking he may have just up and fucked up that sinecure with his weapons-grade buffoonery on the national stage. The perhaps previously obscured hubris, corruption, venality, incompetence and most of all poopyheaded stupidositynesstion is now out on the laundry line like a pair of dung-streaked tighty-whities.

          Don't get me wrong, I don't give a fucking flying fig about what the nincompoops in TX do to themselves. I'm very social darwinist in that regard. I do worry, though, that we neighboring states will start to see waves of refugees pouring onto our dry shores now that he's exposed himself. So Tex? Go ahead and keep the fucking wretched refuse of your teeming sewer down on the ranch. They can fucking breathe free (radicals, heavy metals, PCBs, etc.) up and down the invisible hand's Chemical Alley.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Smell the glove, Mongo.

          • AlterNewt

            "poopyheaded stupidositynesstion"

            I bow to you, sir.

      • finallyhappy

        SO does this mean I shouldn't buy a Megamillion ticket today

    • OneDollarJuana

      Ah, were that he was actually dumb.

      • Biff

        Also, deaf.

      • poncho_pilot

        Perry can you hear me?
        Can you feel me near you?

        See me.
        Feel me.
        Touch me.
        Heal me.

        • flamingpdog

          I used to love that song. Until now.

          • poncho_pilot

            haha. anything else you want ruined?

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Would it be possible for you to ruin Taylor Swift's entire oeuvre for the rest of America so I don't have to hear people claim that is "singing"?

          • user-of-owls

            Go ahead and taint Tebow, nasty-ize Nugent and especially King Kong Kibosh that entire fucking odious Armenian clan that is 'famous' for being…odious? Oh, and Kuntify Katie too, for bringing into this world that Kudzu of a meme.

            Have a nice day! :)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Go for it, son. Start with Justin Beaverhead, and work your way on down through Rebecca Blackhead and all those other pimply teenage caterwaulers.

          • Loaded_Pants

            It was interesting to find out that autotune can make a teenaged girl sound like a screechy old woman.

          • Biff

            Yeah, great. Like one Cher wasn't enough.

    • GOPCrusher

      That's what makes him a Real Amurrican!

    • Slim_Pickins

      Its quicker to ask, "what part of the Constitution DOES Perry understand?"

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Let's face it: you could pare it down to "Does Rick Perry understand?" without losing a thing.

        • Slim_Pickins

          Thank you, Okham.

  • MrFizzy

    My main disappointment with Perry is that he doesn't spend enough time clearing brush.

    • Crank_Tango

      yeah I hear it's like a turtle shell down there…oh you meant, uh never mind.

      • MrFizzy

        I think you mis-read it as "doesn't spend enough time cleaning bush" – that would be Sarah Palin.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Wouldn't it be everyone's favorite Wiccan ladybug, Xtine?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Hey! Hey, watch that mouf.

            Oh, wait, who AM I today?

      • Baconzgood

        Crank just blinded my mind's eye.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I understand that Bonnie and Clyde's bank robbery thing was something they always explained away as their "standard financial planning" as well.

    • Swampgas_Man

      See, Perry's just following Sutton's Law– go where the money is.

      (For the confused, Willie Sutton was a bankrobber; when asked why, he said, "That's where the money is.")

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    When you're Rick Perry, austerity is for other people.

    (sorry, used this one before, but I'm fighting a cold.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When you're Rick Perry a Republican, austerity is for other people.

      Fixed.

    • Bluestatelibel

      This ought just be the new slogan for the entire GOP: "Austerity for all (except me)."

      • Loaded_Pants

        GOP: "Austerity for the Brain."

        • horsedreamer_1

          The membrane, also.

  • gullywompr

    As President, he will fire Congress. because Constitution.

    • MrFizzy

      And one other thing…..uh, whoops.

    • Baconzgood

      Hey, if we can put judges that say shit we don't like in jail….

    • GOPCrusher

      He should go back and try that shit in Texas first.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Bill of Rights, 2nd Amendment, and Freedoms, as well, also, too. And what's that last one? Oops.

  • kissawookiee

    He double-dips in the guacamole too. That's almost grosser.

    • poncho_pilot

      reminds me of a line from the one Hustler i've ever read/seen:

      "i dove into that pussy like a cowboy into free chips and salsa."

      • Loaded_Pants

        Hopefully that pussy didn't look like free chips and salsa.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          No…just a taco.

  • chascates

    You don't have to be in a pew every Sunday to smell the 'eww' of Rick Perry's 'ideas'.

    • Loaded_Pants

      That's why he gets a whole pew for his "pee-yooh".

  • Baconzgood

    I have 3 things to say about him. He's a butt head. He's not very smart, and the third thing I want to say is…the…ahh……ahh…, and, let’s see. I can’t…the third one. I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

    • Radiotherapy

      Baconz, just start nervous, dopey laughing and say "can someone help me out here?"

      • flamingpdog

        But then Baconz would have to stand next to Ron Paul or at least a Ron Paul clone. Why do you hate Baconz?

        • Baconzgood

          If I stood next to Ron Paul….I'd to the same thing I'd do if I stood next to Michael Bolton (the singer). I throw a folding chair at him then snag on him while giving him a pink belly. It'd be a great GOP debate.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            "Pink belly"? Is that … is that … like … BACON?

            'Cos baconzgood, yaknow.

        • Radiotherapy

          I loves me a good Baconz. At least he didn't have to respond to Santorum.

          • Loaded_Pants

            Who wants to….I mean, really?

          • Baconzgood

            I've been yelled at (on wonkette no less) for using too many explitives when they post something about Ricky. I just don't snark them anymore. GOD I HATE THAT FROTHY MOTHER F***ER SO D%^% D(*^% MUCH!!!! I'D LIKE TO TAKE HIS A$@ H %&E AND THE BAND ABBA AND Y*((^*( #^&^%$( (&%(& %&))%&%)&% %)&)%^### @@! )%&) )*%)&&)% %)&%)&%) AND THEN I'D CALL UP TOM WAITS AND WE'D BOTH GRAB THAT LITTLE B**&H AND (&*(*& )$#@@%%#% I(^*(^ WITH A SNOW BLOWER AND A FIFTY CENT WHORE. AFTER THAT I'D @***$&%(* *%&&$$( AND HIS ($*)$*)*$&&@@^.

            Whew….. thanks for letting me vent Loaded_Pants.

          • Loaded_Pants

            You have vented nicely.

  • DaRooster

    Parry, taking advantage of a Loo Hole? They call 'em Glory holes now Rick.
    Whu? Oh… loophole.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.

    Sounds like something an Enron spokesperson would say.

    Rick Perry: part-time Governor, full-time embezzling douchebag.

  • Callyson

    the governor’s “standard financial planning”
    In other words, screwing the taxpayers and then expecting them to pay for it. Sort of like his sex life, only this time the money flows in the other direction…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    New strategy: Change the ranch sign to "Niggardlyhead" and claim fiscal prudence.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Or as Perry put it to the government teat: "I wish I could quit you."

    • Baconzgood

      I was thinking "Never Gonna Give You Up" by another Rick.

      • Biff

        Just let it roll…

        • horsedreamer_1

          Flight 93 was an inside job Rick Roll.

          • Baconzgood

            I wanted to Rick Roll on Wonkette…..But, even if it was a good snark, I would have hated myself a little.

          • Negropolis

            Oh, that was so bad in such a good way.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Keep talking Rick. you’re the one with the shitty ideas. You know what happens to the country when you dissolve congress? You end up with a mess like Texas.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When you consider the spectacular fuckups that the Texas legislature manages to cook up on the rare occasions when they are in session, you can sort of see the logic here.

  • Goonemeritus

    Between Newt wanting to de-nut the judicial branch and Rick wanting to put the legislative branch on double secret probation it would seem the Republicans are all for increased executive power. We must remind them of this when Barry kicks their ass next year.

  • LesBontemps

    And still, apparently, no one has explained "separation of powers" to Rick Perry.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Kind of difficult. He can't separate what he can't remember.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Well, he don't got no problem with the first two powers; it's that third one that he just can't remember.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Just tell him there are 3 branches of the government: the Lego-slative, the Judelicios, and the Execute-ative.

    • Negropolis

      They've tried, but no one has made that coloring book, yet.

  • hollywooddood

    Rick Perry rails against farm subsidies. Except for the farm subsidies he accepted himself.

    That was different.

    • GOPCrusher

      Perry/Bachmann 2012!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        With Blanche Lincoln as Secretary of Agriculture (one of the few cabinet positions Republicans never want to eliminate).

  • bravo_sierra

    I'd say we want to pay Congress a reasonable salary to make graft and bribery less tempting, but who am I kidding.

  • Baconzgood

    I think there should be a rule: Only one jerk from Tex-ass can be on the POTUS ticket every 20 years. This saves the rest of the country from listening to these douche bag Gov. every election cycle. Who's with me on this one?

    • LesBontemps

      What I want to know is, why does Texas hate America?

      • flamingpdog

        What I can never figure out is why does Texas hate Texas.

        • LesBontemps

          Have you ever been to Texas?

    • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

      Well that gets rid of the only reason to be Governor. After a while banging rent boys and taking kickbacks from the oil industry and shooting stuff just gets routine I'd imagine.

    • MzNicky

      "Only one jerk from Tex-ass can be on the POTUS ticket every 20 years."

      Too frequent. Maybe once every 200 years.

      • Geminisunmars

        How about just once. Ooops. Well, do we consider Lyndon to have been a jerk?

        • MzNicky

          Yes, but not a total jerk. LBJ at least knew how to kick ass and get things done.

    • Biff

      Read my lips: No new Texans.

      • LesBontemps

        Is that the sign over Planned Parenthood of Houston?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Once in a lifetime is plenty.

    • Loaded_Pants

      How about no more Prez candidates from TX ever again? Makes it so much simpler & safer.

  • memzilla

    I'd like to see Gubnuh Goodhair practice what he preaches and do some useful work in return for his Fedrul munniez: crash test dummy, navigation buoy, drone target, or colonoscope tester come to mind.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      "navigation buoy". For some reason, that absolutely cracks me up. I can just see him, painted red or green, bobbing up and down in the water, his little bell ringing the whole time.

      • flamingpdog

        Paul Revere LIBEL!!1!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Starfangled nut *said* LITTLE bell. Makes a difference.

      • flamingpdog

        I can also see him bobbing up and down in the water, but he's riding the back of a navigation boy.

    • Radiotherapy

      All of them, Katie.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I first read "colonoscope tester" as "colonoscope taster".
      I knew…ew.
      You're welcime.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    What's the difference between John Wayne Bobbitt and Rick Perry? One was a wannabe porn star with a Frankendick, and the other one is Frankly-a–dick.

    • Loaded_Pants

      And both had their penis thrown out a car window.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Gaius Julius.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Rickie is so full of shit. Clearly, he's the Country's expert on the Constipation of the United States?

  • sbj1964

    Well it looks like Gary Bussy is leaning toward endorsing Newt Gingrich.Now all he needs is Mel Gibson,and Charlie Sheen's endorsement,and he will be unstoppable!

    • GOPCrusher

      Who will Danny Bonaduce endorse?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Chick Norris, also too.

    • flamingpdog

      Who does the moran, ex-SNL fattie chick endorse? For the womens.

      • valgal2342

        Charlie Sheen's endorsement? Hell, I thought he was running.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Vagina Johnson, isn't that her name? Pronounced just like "Regina," only with a "V"?

      • Loaded_Pants

        She supported Cain because she wanted him to give her a job. After he dropped out, her support went to Bachmann because crazy bitches have got to stick together.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I don't know if a part-time Congress would be able to pass all the laws about lady parts that Perry and the Go-Pee'ers want to enact.

    Here are some examples of how useful a part-time legislature can be. In Texas it is illegal to…

    Whether you are a boy or girl, it’s illegal for you to flirt with your hands or eyes

    Fart in an elevator

    Sell “ 'Obscene device[s]' mean[ing] a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs."

    Mr. Perry: Tear down these walls!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      To be fair, farting in an elevator should be illegal.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Dildo Diaries

      Great example of just how fucked up TX is.

      • poncho_pilot

        i don't know, there are probably some people who use dildos for the purposes of law enforcement in Texas.

        reminds of going to smoke shops in San Diego. they don't sell bongs. they sell "water pipes". for smoking tobacco. and don't say bong or call it a "head shop" when you're in there, either.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      But Alexis Texas is in violation of 2 of 3 laws!

      • horsedreamer_1

        That ain't bad.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Well, I would be in the clear because when I flirt I don't use my hands or eyes but I do use most of my other parts.

  • V572 the Merciless

    The WaPoo listicle has a nice little database you can sort by "net worth" from top to bottom or, even better, bottom to top. There you can learn that Louie Gohmert is $150K in the hole; teabagger heartthrob Kristi Noem is down $111K, and good ol' anti-choicer hairboy Bart Stupak owes $178K. How do you go to Warshington and get poor? And (the real problem) how much Koch cock do you have to suck to get ahead?

    Oh, and the big champ is Alcee Hastings, (D, Fl) who owes somebody, probably his lawyers, $4.7M. Nice work, Rep!

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      Quite a list. John D. Rockefeller IV is in fifth place–lots of real money there.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Boy, that should make those pols extra susceptible to bribes, er, lobbying. They have pressing debts to pay.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "how much Koch cock do you have to suck to get ahead? "

      Just one…but if you blow both brothers, you get two heads.

    • Bluestatelibel

      It takes a special brand of Tea Party stupid to go to Washington and get poor, that's for sure.

    • Biff

      Lotta damned limousine libruls on that list right there!

      • Loaded_Pants

        Kerry LIBEL!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Cutting his own paycheck was the third thing, and Rick forgot it.
    ~

  • sbj1964

    174,000 + a year in Congress,but how much would you pay yourself if your boss let you vote up your own raises? That's the problem.

    • DaRooster

      The problem here-
      I'm worth it!

      (… and dog gone it, people like me)

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I guess it's worth noting that Perry has vetoed 273 bills — a Texas record! — because even he thought the part-time legislature was doing something stupid.

    • Biff

      And ain't NObody knows stupid like he knows stupid.

  • hagajim

    Hypocrite is a hypocrite. However, the part-time Congress is a good idea, because those guys are full-time assholes…and they only work half the fucking year already!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Inspired by Rick Perry my standard financial planning includes stealing crusts of bread from widows and orphans. Because if it's standard it must be legitimate.

  • orygoon

    Rick Perry is another example of how our capitalistic society does not work. Look at value added, and look at income. Overall, the correlation is weak/nonexistent.

    • MrFizzy

      Maybe a strong negative correlation actually – like Lloyd Blankfein and all those other useless Wall Street pricks. Better to double their paychecks and have them stay home from "work".

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      In my 18 years with a Fortune 100 I often saw the top executives work REALLY hard. Always when they were trying to screw somebody else out of something. Problem is they never spent much time creating value.

  • Slim_Pickins

    No, Rick, the real problem is that there are too many know-nothing yahoos like you in govmint. You know the type, you're one of them. You can't find your rear with both hands let alone analyze a complex issue.

    • proudgrampa

      But he would be king in the land of one-armed men searching for their asses!

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Yes, make congresscritters work less so they can spend even more time sucking off CEOs and otherwise "campaigning".

    great idea, moran!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "less so they can spend even more time sucking off CEOs"

      is that even possible?

      • poncho_pilot

        it's amazing you can even understand what most of congress is saying. so much dick in theirs mouths you'd think they all just got their wisdom teeth pulled. or that congress is one big Marlon Brando impersonator convention.

  • ttommyunger

    How far back in our History does one have to go to find that "Public Service" did not mean "service" the same way we meant it when we hired Boars to "Service" our Hogs back in Missouri?

    • proudgrampa

      I have always liked that analogy: Service is what the bull does to the cow.

      Has anyone dealt with post-Christmas Customer "Service" yet? Jesus H. Christ.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Actually I've been on the phone with two customer service reps this morning (the co. that prints my mother's checks and CenturyLink, her long-distance service) and to my utter shock both of them replied promptly and addressed my issue. End times are near!

        • proudgrampa

          Hey, Grrl – You are lucky. I'm trying to get a replacement for my grandson's defective toy. What a bunch of crap!!!

          If the end times are near, let them roll!!!

      • ttommyunger

        I didn't buy a fucking thing, so don't have a dog in that fight.

        • mayor_quimby

          Same here, I am gonna get the kids in my life model rockets and fireworks, but not when they expect it. Who is more awesome, the guy who delivers on christmas, or who shows up with random 'you're awesome' gifts at random intervals.
          I think we know the answer….

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Everyone's pay should be cut. Except mine. And that intern that puts out. The rest of you? Can eat air for dinner.

  • Steverino247

    Go tell the Virginians!

  • BarackMyWorld

    “Whether the thing’s legal or not, the governor is locked arm in arm with a whole group of conservatives who are attacking our pension fund and then he is taking advantage of a loophole that only he and a few others have access to. It’s outrageous,” he said.

    This is how recalls get started. Or at least its how they should.

  • owhatever

    Governor Perry just discovered that Dallas is part of Texas, and not a state all its own. He has his part-time staff now working to determine if there are other places like that, like El Paso, which is Messican for The Lord in real words.

    As far as his standard financial planning, where is Bernie Madoff when we need him?

  • MzNicky

    "… many rank-and-file Texas employees … sometimes can return to state employment after retirement, but only after a 90-day waiting period and seeing their pensions frozen, said Mike Gross, vice president of the 12,000-member Texas State Employees Union."

    Proof that unions are SOCIALIST class-warfarers who only want to suck at the teat of Big Gubbmint and hate the job creators who are the real patriots. I think I got that right.

  • dadanarchist

    In Rick Perry's defense, he'll need both his pay and pension to finance his planned retirement home, "The Dead Chink Ranch."

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Yeah, but think of the cans of spray-on tan that guy has to pay for out of his measly $224K. You don't get to be that color without shelling out some bucks even if your state is the closest thing to hell-fire on earth.

  • chascates

    Perry bills Texas taxpayers over $1 million while touring country: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/27/perry-bills

    • flamingpdog

      Oh crap, you beat me to the story.

      • chascates

        As my guv I look constantly for Rickie's latest escapades. I think he'll be chancellor of Texas A&M after all this is over.

        • Geminisunmars

          As an Agro-American, he is uniquely qualified for that position.

    • Radiotherapy

      Exactly, Chas, the fucker is even triple dipping while going around raking in cash for his futile POTUS run. I wish I could continue to get paid from my job while I travel around the country giving a senseless speech or two and sitting through mindless fundraisers.

  • flamingpdog

    As if this part of Ricky grifting off the Texas gummit dole weren't enough for you, check out this.

    Aside from President Obama, Perry — the only sitting governor in the 2012 race — has the largest security contingent, and apparently the only one on the Republican side financed by taxpayers.

    Weeks before he officially announced his presidential bid, Perry said it was appropriate for the Texas Department of Public Safety to pay for his security and called any criticism of his government-provided protection a “diversion.” He also said that Texans would benefit from his travels.

    • Bonghits4Jesus

      Texas will benefit from his travels by having 1 less idiot in the state!

      • Bluestatelibel

        Fact: The average IQ in Texas goes up 40 points every time Parry leaves the state.

    • prommie

      Who does he think he is, a football coach?

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, at least he isn't getting food stamps or unemployment checks.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

        By Rethug logic, either of those would justify drug-testing the dude. Meanwhile, this? Not so much.

        • Loaded_Pants

          I remember during the healthcare battle in Congress that every time Boner appeared on camera, he seemed to be slurring his words. A friend of mine said "Maybe he's just tired or his blood sugar was low." I said "Riiiight…"

    • SayItWithWookies

      As the French say, quel fuckin' tool. At least when Mark Sanford was gone for five days, some people in South Carolina noticed.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Who doesn't love an Argentine firecracker, though?

    • unclejeems

      The benefit, he says, is that he's "promoting" Texas in other states–making sure, don't you know, that they know that Texas, like Wisconsin, is "open for business." So ya'll come on down hyere. That he could do that and run for president at the same time must, in his addled brain, be proof of his ability to multi-task.

      Frankly, I think the guy's a dickwad, a waste of skin, and consumes oxygen that more useful humans could put to good use. But what do I know.

      • Biff

        Texas is like old pussy. Everyone knows it's down there, we just don't care.

  • Biff

    Due to my own astute standard financial planning, I take in the princely sum of $2800/mo by double-dipping, just like da guv. And it's MY pension they want to slash.
    Parry may be so dumb he can't pour piss out of his boot with the instructions printed on the heel, but he's not stupid.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Oh, look, Newt's been lying about about divorce #1, and wouldn't support his kids: http://us.cnn.com/2011/12/26/politics/gingrich-di

    Jackie Battley Gingrich, the congressman's wife and the mother of Jackie Gingrich Cushman, responded by asking the judge to reject her husband's filing.
    "Defendant shows that she has adequate and ample grounds for divorce, but that she does not desire one at this time," her petition said.
    "Although defendant does not admit that this marriage is irretrievably broken, defendant has been hopeful that an arrangement for temporary support of defendant and the two minor daughters of the parties could be mutually agreed upon without the intervention of this court," her petition said. "All efforts to date have been unsuccessful."
    When CNN presented the information found in the divorce file to the Gingrich campaign, its spokesman stood by the contention that it was Gingrich's ex-wife who asked for the divorce in 1980…
    The court documents obtained by CNN also shed light on the issue of the first-term congressman's record of offering support for Jackie Gingrich and the two girls during the separation and after the divorce.
    The same court filing in which Jackie Gingrich told the judge she did not want the divorce also accused Gingrich of failing to provide enough money for her and her two then-teenaged daughters to live on during their separation. Kathy was 17 at the time.
    "Despite repeated notice to plaintiff and requests by defendant, plaintiff has failed and refused to voluntarily provide reasonable support sufficient to include payment of usual and normal living expenses, including drugs, water, sewage, garbage, gas, electric and telephone service for defendant and the minor children," she said in court documents. "As a result, many of such accounts are two or three months past due with notices of intent to cut off service and gas and electricity."
    When Jackie Gingrich and her daughters moved from their other home in Fairfax, Virginia, back to their house in Carrollton, Georgia, there were "no lights, no heat, no water, no food in the home," former Gingrich friend and academic colleague Carter said.
    Carter, who helped collect donations for the family, said Gingrich "wouldn't give them a dime" in the first months of the separation.
    "We had a food drive at First Baptist Church," Carter said. "The deacons went down and stocked her pantry."

    • MzNicky

      Also love this part: 'You know and I know that she's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a president' – Newt Gingrinch to his campaign treasurer about why he was divorcing his first wife. Grounds for divorce if I ever saw it!

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        My favorite part is that wife #2 says that Newt was involved with #1 (the geometry teacher) while he was still in high school, and she was still a teacher there.

    • Bluestatelibel

      Nothing says family values like not caring if the water and electricity is turned off on your kids.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Oddibe Mc Dowell Libel.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't see why anybody is surprised by newtish behavior: Amphibians are cold-blooded, and letting their hatchlings fend for themselves is routine practice.

      • proudgrampa

        It's time for David Icke to get involved and tell the American people the truth!!!

    • Guppy

      "accused Gingrich of failing to provide enough money for her and her two then-teenaged daughters to live on"

      Stupid child labor laws…

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      Divorce often brings out the worst in people–men and women of formerly exceptional probity while tell really stupid lies and try to "win" the divorce.

      In Gingrich's case no matter what he had done during the divorces of wife#1 and wife #2 he would still be an nonredeemable asshole.

    • flamingpdog

      "The deacons went down and stocked her pantry."

      Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Now Newt is stocking Callista's pantry…with diamonds!

  • swordfis

    It just occurred to me that I could have learned about 500 kanji in the time I've spent ragefully following these idiots. Any one of us could have as well. I propose a class action suit to cover the costs of hijacked brain cells.

    • proudgrampa

      'The Jōyō kanji (常用漢字, "regular-use kanji") are 2,136 characters consisting of all the Kyōiku kanji, plus 1,130 additional kanji taught in junior high and high school. In publishing, characters outside this category are often given furigana. The Jōyō kanji were introduced in 1981, replacing an older list of 1,850 characters known as the Tōyō kanji (当用漢字, "general-use kanji") introduced in 1946. Originally numbering 1,945 characters, the Jōyō kanji list was extended to 2,136 in 2010. Some of the new characters were previously Jinmeiyō kanji; some are used to write prefecture names: 阪, 熊, 奈, 岡, 鹿, 梨, 阜, 埼, 茨, 栃 and 媛.'

      So 500 kanji is about 25 percent of high school vocabulary. We already know how these idiots feel about education. That's a lot of hijacked brain cells!!!

  • Radiotherapy

    Rick Parry can't be bought for $5,000, but he sure can be for $224,000+.

    • Biff

      That he is a prostitute has long been established, now we're just haggling over the price.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So Rick's campaigning on cutting the pay of Congress, and Newt's campaigning on arresting judges he disagrees with. And each policy is subject to the checks and balances of the branch the candidate wants to undermine. In the immortal words of Casey Stengel, "Doesn't anyone here know how to play this game?"

    • GOPCrusher

      And in Rick's latest commercials, he claims to be the "Washington outsider" who is just the guy we need to go into Washington and clean things up.

      The stupid, it burns. Lord, how it burns.

    • MzNicky

      Why do all the Repugnicans hate America?

  • DustBowlBlues

    This just in: Ben Nelson (D?R? Mutual of Omaha) isn't running again, though the DNC just dumped oodles of money into this dickwad's campaign.

    Crappy day; haven't even showered; just dropped by to say, "Fuck Ben Nelson" over and over and over.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Buck Fen Nelson!

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

      Ben Nelson (D?R? Mutual of Omaha) isn't running again, though the DNC just dumped oodles of money into this dickwad's campaign.

      Ben Nelson: Basically just Wario both in appearance, and disposition.

    • Rotundo_

      At least the democratic party isn't going to be on the hook for one more term just to have the ratfucker turn on them as he has every time before. Off to KStreet with him so he can join with his naturally republican cohort. Good riddance and may his arteries clog hard and fast!

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

        Right. The bad news is, Democrats are unlikely to win back that seat any time soon. The good news is, nobody will ever notice the difference.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Bob Kerrey might pull a Lautenberg.

    • GOPCrusher

      Ben Nelson is a Democrat like Joe Manchin is a Democrat. Maybe John Kerrey is available to run for the seat again.

    • proudgrampa

      Ah, Ben. We hardly knew ye. And we're glad!

    • chascates

      Were you snowed in with the relatives this year?

      • DustBowlBlues

        Nope. Had a beautiful day, mostly owing to my work. Being an old, I am now also a tired.

    • Guppy

      His campaign was aborted.

    • rocktonsam

      jeez, I hope he can land a lobbyist job to make ends meet

    • user-of-owls

      Marlin and Jim should have switched out the tranquilizer dart and switched in a large caliber dum-dum round on this turd a long time ago.

    • Negropolis

      Given that you need 60 votes to do anything in the Senate, anymore, good fuckin' riddance, Ben. You will not be missed you two-timing, troll-looking motherfucker.

  • mavenmaven

    Carl Schmitt pointed out, long ago, that leadership is necessarily outside of the law, for they make the law in the state of emergency. So what Perry is doing is OK.
    Of course, Schmitt was a jurist for the Nazi party.

    • HistoriCat

      You know who else was … oh, screw it.

      • MzNicky

        Newt's divorce lawyer? (Just couldn't help myself.)

  • Come here a minute

    Getting outraged about Rick Perry being an idiot hypocrite is like getting outraged at the sun for rising in the east.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah, but we keep hoping that the only way ol' Rick will rise is when some wicked witch in the forest throws him into an oven to bake. Where is Christine O'Donnell when she could do something good for a change? "Wing of bat, eye of newt…Hell, that's another positive idea!"

  • raygotaway

    Yep, get a job Rick and stop hanging out with
    those cute body guards in hotels instead of doing
    your partime job as gov. of Texas.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I believe it was a ClusterFox debate mod who pointed out to Gov. Perry that Congress already has only 140 workdays a year. How much more part-time can you get?

    Since so many Senators and Reps fly home on Friday and return late Monday, they really only have 3 workdays a week right now – and they can't get along. One reason being they don't socialize and really get to know each other and establish some common ground upon which to work things out.

    Basically they are either raising money or raising Hell, but they sure aren't running our country.

    Gov. Perry's proposal is the "No Child Left Behind" formula. if a school is failing, cut its funding! That will make it oh so much better!

    Personally, I think one of Gov. Perry's problems is that he has a part-time brain.

  • chascates

    Ben Nelson retiring from Senate:

    Democratic leaders from the White House and Capitol Hill pleaded with Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.), asking him to run for re-election for one main reason: the party is desperate to keep its Senate majority and it has no one else to run in Nebraska.
    As is often the case, Nelson is letting his party down.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And yet, the dickwad Dems continue to give him money. The DLC probably piled on and gave him money, too. For services rendered to the United States of Corporate America.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I wonder if Bob Kerrey is still looking to make a come back…

  • chascates

    Gingrich: I Want To Appoint A Trial Lawyer To Negotiate With China

    Speaking in Dubuque, Iowa, Newt Gingrich said he would find the best trial lawyer in America and have them negotiate trade with China, because they are good at negotiating and we’re not.

    And Obama intends to ask for a 1.2 trillion hike in the debt limit

    The Obama administration’s announcement that it will certify this week its intent to raise the debt limit didn’t sit well on Capitol Hill. Republicans are threatening to return early from recess and the White House is trying to figure out a way to keep the commotion from spilling out into the public.

    • user-of-owls

      I'm sure Wang, Chung, Too Nite, LLC would jump at the opportunity!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Hey– If someone sees MayorQuimby, tell him I'm looking for him to answer his question about what is Trifle. Multi-layerd English dessert, sponge cake (made my own), custard, jam, Harvey's bristol Cream, strawberries to garnish. Looked fabulous in that deep trifle dish that people buy and don't know how to use. Counting mobile phones, had nine fucking cameras and no on thought to take a picture. Shit.

    BTW–English dessert.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nope. Just because the fucker's a crook, doesn't mean he's good at it.

  • Magpie54

    Like everybody else who thinks that cutting pay anhd/or benefits for Congress – he ignores the reality that most are too wealthy to care and those that aren't shouldn't take all the punishment.

  • Negropolis

    I'm tired of this fucking gimmick of a part-time Congress. It's the most gimmicky of gimmicks. It's doesn't solve shit. Yeah, I'm kind of angry, but mostly just worn out from this barrage of stupidity that is the GOP nomination process.

    No, Rick. You get a fucking real job, already, instead of playing Empress of Texas and sucking on the government tit, okay? Asshole.

  • dennis1943

    Certainly one can cut their salaries in half………….because they earn so much in "tips".