JUST A BIG OLD (WELFARE) QUEEN  11:44 am December 27, 2011

Rick Perry Has Idea About Which Gov’t Officials Need a Pay Cut: Not Him

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Rick Perry’s comprehensive new policy platform for “fixin’ shit” is just to slash Congress’ $174,000 annual paychecks in half and cut back on the time that Congress spends in Washington, as punishment for making everyone hate them. This is Rick Perry’s huge “solution” to everything according to his new campaign ad, an idea that has all the sparkling wisdom of a plan to magically improve educational achievement by cutting back the number of school days for ornery children who fail to turn in their homework on time. But sure, maybe Congress should be paid less, for being useless screw-ups already awash in filthy personal riches? Of course, this surely must mean that Rick Perry cut his own salary in half this year, after publicly giving up and handing off his official duties to God when his state was burning to the ground?

No, Rick Perry decided that his one paycheck was only half the number of paychecks that he deserves, so now he gets two! He can somehow get away with this because he has been on the public payroll so long that he already qualifies for a pension in addition to his regular paycheck, for a total of $224,000 a year.

From the Houston Chronicle:

Perry has spent much of his adult life collecting a state paycheck. By Jan. 30, 2011, he was able to transfer 26 years and 1 month of time accumulated from his elected service as governor, agriculture commissioner, lieutenant governor, legislator and even some military service to qualify to retire in the regular “employee” class, according to campaign spokesman Ray Sullivan.

Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.”

The governor’s decision to collect both pension and pay — divulged in financial disclosures as part of Perry’s U.S. presidential campaign — has angered many rank-and-file Texas employees who sometimes can return to state employment after retirement, but only after a 90-day waiting period and seeing their pensions frozen, said Mike Gross, vice president of the 12,000-member Texas State Employees Union.

“Whether the thing’s legal or not, the governor is locked arm in arm with a whole group of conservatives who are attacking our pension fund and then he is taking advantage of a loophole that only he and a few others have access to. It’s outrageous,” he said.

Ha ha, we always love (or hate, maybe both?) news quotes about Rick Perry having “access” to “holes.” EW. [YouTube/Houston Chronicle]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 258 comments }

Barb December 27, 2011 at 11:48 am

I can't wait to see him jog into the sunset with his pockets full of used condoms. Run Forrest, run!

coolhandnuke December 27, 2011 at 12:51 pm

It makes perfect sense that Perry is on pension…pension anagrammed is no penis.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Thanks, now I finally know why I've been putting off retirement for the past three years!

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm

With the jogging suit supplied by the state's "Exercise for Life" program and the condoms supplied by the "Safe Sex Initiative."

Beowoof December 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Inquiring minds want to know if the condoms are covered with Santorum. Based on Rick's "history" I am thinking he will want to keep those in his pocket.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:07 pm

His BACK pocket.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Going to need quite a Spin Doctor to talk his way out of that.

Oblios_Cap December 27, 2011 at 11:48 am

Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.”

What? Is that bastard too elitist to use the "eat cat food and die" retirement plan that he wants the rest of us to adopt?

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Yes. Any further questions?

x111e7thst December 27, 2011 at 11:48 am

If Rick spent those 26 years and 1 month of time figuring out that Washington was the problem then it was time well spent.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Does Rick Perry look like a man who ever spent ONE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTE figuring out anything?

HUH? DOES HE?

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm

You want an easy answer, don't you?

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Oh, you think nuance is possible heah?

He's just SUCH a fucking dimwit. I mean, it's like he's not even trying. Oops.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I mean, this man is a supernova of idiocy. What makes it so maddening is his pride in not knowing shit and shooting off at the mouth about things he knows absolutely fuck-all about.

I'm not a ill-wisher, but he's the kind of guy I could make the exception for. Surely, this man needs some kind of personal challenge or crisis that will reveal his humanity and humility for the first time in that fucking miserable thing he calls a "life." There are too many people like him in the world.

Oblios_Cap December 27, 2011 at 11:49 am

Ha ha, we always love news quotes about Rick Perry having “access” to “holes.”

Who is this we, Kemo Sabe?

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

Agriculture Commissioner?

Are corn dogs a vegetable… seems he knows his corn dogs mighty well.

Callyson December 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Though I'll bet the much – missed Kortney could teach him a thing or two about vegetables…

OneDollarJuana December 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm

If the rumors are true Kortney has nothing to teach Senorita Perry.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:10 pm

What ever happened to dear, sweet Kortney?

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm
PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Always happy to help, ain'tcha, pdog?

I just miss having her on our pages here. (sniff!)

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 7:52 pm

T H A N K Y O U !!
I feel better now…

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

With Perry as President, corn dogs will be declared a veggie by Congress.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Just as Congress is declared a veggie by the rest of us.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Like as not, so will Perry.

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Corn is a (hybrid/GMO) vegetable…

sbj1964 December 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

Typical Republican Slash & Burn solution to every problem.

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Sounds like a solution to Texas too…

AlterNewt December 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

He really is too dumb to know that he's stupid.

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

How zen.

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 12:42 pm

When Governor Brokeback speaks, it is the sound of one hand fapping.

Tundra Grifter December 27, 2011 at 7:35 pm

DDB:

Instead of drinking tea from an empty cup, Gov. Perry is doing his level best to have an original thought from an empty brain.

Tundra Grifter December 27, 2011 at 3:11 pm

BZG:

That was Zen.

This is Tao.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Obama's a Buddhist, too? How does he find the time, between Maumauing, Islamizing, Socializing, Concentrating, & basketballing?

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm

You forget "doing crack in the ghetto, leering at white women, & being lazy."

Tundra Grifter December 27, 2011 at 7:33 pm

HD 1:

I'm pretty sure Mr. Obama is a Buddhist because he knows that Change must come from within.

Hope he might be able to help you with…

Swampgas_Man December 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm

People hauling in $224,000 aren't dumb, they're scum.

Chillwaver December 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm

The Texans who voted for him, on the other hand…

AlterNewt December 27, 2011 at 2:18 pm

As my sainted grandmother used to say;

"I'm sure he has 'people' to think for him".

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I bet you heard that a lot during the Bush Administration.

Rotundo_ December 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Salary does not correlate with intellect, particularly in politics. Rick is as stupid as they come, just lucky and malleable for the puppeteers in Tejas politics. He isn't, and likely never will be ready for national races, but he could wind up gubbner for life of Tejas.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I'm thinking he may have just up and fucked up that sinecure with his weapons-grade buffoonery on the national stage. The perhaps previously obscured hubris, corruption, venality, incompetence and most of all poopyheaded stupidositynesstion is now out on the laundry line like a pair of dung-streaked tighty-whities.

Don't get me wrong, I don't give a fucking flying fig about what the nincompoops in TX do to themselves. I'm very social darwinist in that regard. I do worry, though, that we neighboring states will start to see waves of refugees pouring onto our dry shores now that he's exposed himself. So Tex? Go ahead and keep the fucking wretched refuse of your teeming sewer down on the ranch. They can fucking breathe free (radicals, heavy metals, PCBs, etc.) up and down the invisible hand's Chemical Alley.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Smell the glove, Mongo.

AlterNewt December 27, 2011 at 4:20 pm

"poopyheaded stupidositynesstion"

I bow to you, sir.

finallyhappy December 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

SO does this mean I shouldn't buy a Megamillion ticket today

OneDollarJuana December 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Ah, were that he was actually dumb.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Also, deaf.

poncho_pilot December 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Perry can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?

See me.
Feel me.
Touch me.
Heal me.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I used to love that song. Until now.

poncho_pilot December 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm

haha. anything else you want ruined?

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 12:38 pm

That's what makes him a Real Amurrican!

Slim_Pickins December 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Its quicker to ask, "what part of the Constitution DOES Perry understand?"

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Let's face it: you could pare it down to "Does Rick Perry understand?" without losing a thing.

Slim_Pickins December 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Thank you, Okham.

MrFizzy December 27, 2011 at 11:51 am

My main disappointment with Perry is that he doesn't spend enough time clearing brush.

Crank_Tango December 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm

yeah I hear it's like a turtle shell down there…oh you meant, uh never mind.

MrFizzy December 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I think you mis-read it as "doesn't spend enough time cleaning bush" – that would be Sarah Palin.

GunToting[Redacted] December 27, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Wouldn't it be everyone's favorite Wiccan ladybug, Xtine?

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Hey! Hey, watch that mouf.

Oh, wait, who AM I today?

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Crank just blinded my mind's eye.

johnnyzhivago December 27, 2011 at 11:51 am

I understand that Bonnie and Clyde's bank robbery thing was something they always explained away as their "standard financial planning" as well.

Swampgas_Man December 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm

See, Perry's just following Sutton's Law– go where the money is.

(For the confused, Willie Sutton was a bankrobber; when asked why, he said, "That's where the money is.")

MLHencken December 27, 2011 at 11:51 am

When you're Rick Perry, austerity is for other people.

(sorry, used this one before, but I'm fighting a cold.)

Biel_ze_Bubba December 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm

When you're Rick Perry a Republican, austerity is for other people.

Fixed.

Bluestatelibel December 27, 2011 at 1:36 pm

This ought just be the new slogan for the entire GOP: "Austerity for all (except me)."

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

GOP: "Austerity for the Brain."

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm

The membrane, also.

gullywompr December 27, 2011 at 11:51 am

As President, he will fire Congress. because Constitution.

MrFizzy December 27, 2011 at 12:06 pm

And one other thing…..uh, whoops.

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Hey, if we can put judges that say shit we don't like in jail….

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm

He should go back and try that shit in Texas first.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Bill of Rights, 2nd Amendment, and Freedoms, as well, also, too. And what's that last one? Oops.

kissawookiee December 27, 2011 at 11:51 am

He double-dips in the guacamole too. That's almost grosser.

poncho_pilot December 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm

reminds me of a line from the one Hustler i've ever read/seen:

"i dove into that pussy like a cowboy into free chips and salsa."

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Hopefully that pussy didn't look like free chips and salsa.

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 7:46 pm

No…just a taco.

chascates December 27, 2011 at 11:52 am

You don't have to be in a pew every Sunday to smell the 'eww' of Rick Perry's 'ideas'.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 6:42 pm

That's why he gets a whole pew for his "pee-yooh".

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 11:52 am

I have 3 things to say about him. He's a butt head. He's not very smart, and the third thing I want to say is…the…ahh……ahh…, and, let’s see. I can’t…the third one. I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Baconz, just start nervous, dopey laughing and say "can someone help me out here?"

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 2:16 pm

But then Baconz would have to stand next to Ron Paul or at least a Ron Paul clone. Why do you hate Baconz?

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm

If I stood next to Ron Paul….I'd to the same thing I'd do if I stood next to Michael Bolton (the singer). I throw a folding chair at him then snag on him while giving him a pink belly. It'd be a great GOP debate.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

"Pink belly"? Is that … is that … like … BACON?

'Cos baconzgood, yaknow.

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I loves me a good Baconz. At least he didn't have to respond to Santorum.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Who wants to….I mean, really?

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

Parry, taking advantage of a Loo Hole? They call 'em Glory holes now Rick.
Whu? Oh… loophole.

Chillwaver December 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

Sullivan has described that decision as part of the governor’s “standard financial planning.

Sounds like something an Enron spokesperson would say.

Rick Perry: part-time Governor, full-time embezzling douchebag.

Callyson December 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

the governor’s “standard financial planning”
In other words, screwing the taxpayers and then expecting them to pay for it. Sort of like his sex life, only this time the money flows in the other direction…

EatsBabyDingos December 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

New strategy: Change the ranch sign to "Niggardlyhead" and claim fiscal prudence.

JustPixelz December 27, 2011 at 11:54 am

Or as Perry put it to the government teat: "I wish I could quit you."

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I was thinking "Never Gonna Give You Up" by another Rick.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Just let it roll…

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Flight 93 was an inside job Rick Roll.

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I wanted to Rick Roll on Wonkette…..But, even if it was a good snark, I would have hated myself a little.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Oh, that was so bad in such a good way.

WhatTheHeck December 27, 2011 at 11:54 am

Keep talking Rick. you’re the one with the shitty ideas. You know what happens to the country when you dissolve congress? You end up with a mess like Texas.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 27, 2011 at 1:02 pm

When you consider the spectacular fuckups that the Texas legislature manages to cook up on the rare occasions when they are in session, you can sort of see the logic here.

Goonemeritus December 27, 2011 at 11:54 am

Between Newt wanting to de-nut the judicial branch and Rick wanting to put the legislative branch on double secret probation it would seem the Republicans are all for increased executive power. We must remind them of this when Barry kicks their ass next year.

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 11:57 am

And still, apparently, no one has explained "separation of powers" to Rick Perry.

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Kind of difficult. He can't separate what he can't remember.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Well, he don't got no problem with the first two powers; it's that third one that he just can't remember.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Just tell him there are 3 branches of the government: the Lego-slative, the Judelicios, and the Execute-ative.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:24 pm

They've tried, but no one has made that coloring book, yet.

hollywooddood December 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

Rick Perry rails against farm subsidies. Except for the farm subsidies he accepted himself.

That was different.

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Perry/Bachmann 2012!

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm

With Blanche Lincoln as Secretary of Agriculture (one of the few cabinet positions Republicans never want to eliminate).

bravo_sierra December 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

I'd say we want to pay Congress a reasonable salary to make graft and bribery less tempting, but who am I kidding.

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

I think there should be a rule: Only one jerk from Tex-ass can be on the POTUS ticket every 20 years. This saves the rest of the country from listening to these douche bag Gov. every election cycle. Who's with me on this one?

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

What I want to know is, why does Texas hate America?

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

What I can never figure out is why does Texas hate Texas.

LesBontemps December 28, 2011 at 9:28 am

Have you ever been to Texas?

TanzbodenKoenig December 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Well that gets rid of the only reason to be Governor. After a while banging rent boys and taking kickbacks from the oil industry and shooting stuff just gets routine I'd imagine.

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm

"Only one jerk from Tex-ass can be on the POTUS ticket every 20 years."

Too frequent. Maybe once every 200 years.

Geminisunmars December 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm

How about just once. Ooops. Well, do we consider Lyndon to have been a jerk?

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Yes, but not a total jerk. LBJ at least knew how to kick ass and get things done.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Read my lips: No new Texans.

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Is that the sign over Planned Parenthood of Houston?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Once in a lifetime is plenty.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

How about no more Prez candidates from TX ever again? Makes it so much simpler & safer.

memzilla December 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

I'd like to see Gubnuh Goodhair practice what he preaches and do some useful work in return for his Fedrul munniez: crash test dummy, navigation buoy, drone target, or colonoscope tester come to mind.

starfanglednut December 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

"navigation buoy". For some reason, that absolutely cracks me up. I can just see him, painted red or green, bobbing up and down in the water, his little bell ringing the whole time.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Paul Revere LIBEL!!1!

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Starfangled nut *said* LITTLE bell. Makes a difference.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I can also see him bobbing up and down in the water, but he's riding the back of a navigation boy.

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 1:51 pm

All of them, Katie.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I first read "colonoscope tester" as "colonoscope taster".
I knew…ew.
You're welcime.

EatsBabyDingos December 27, 2011 at 11:59 am

What's the difference between John Wayne Bobbitt and Rick Perry? One was a wannabe porn star with a Frankendick, and the other one is Frankly-a–dick.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm

And both had their penis thrown out a car window.

Blueb4sunrise December 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Gaius Julius.

weejee December 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Rickie is so full of shit. Clearly, he's the Country's expert on the Constipation of the United States?

sbj1964 December 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Well it looks like Gary Bussy is leaning toward endorsing Newt Gingrich.Now all he needs is Mel Gibson,and Charlie Sheen's endorsement,and he will be unstoppable!

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Who will Danny Bonaduce endorse?

starfanglednut December 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Chick Norris, also too.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Who does the moran, ex-SNL fattie chick endorse? For the womens.

valgal2342 December 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Charlie Sheen's endorsement? Hell, I thought he was running.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Vagina Johnson, isn't that her name? Pronounced just like "Regina," only with a "V"?

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm

She supported Cain because she wanted him to give her a job. After he dropped out, her support went to Bachmann because crazy bitches have got to stick together.

JustPixelz December 27, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I don't know if a part-time Congress would be able to pass all the laws about lady parts that Perry and the Go-Pee'ers want to enact.

Here are some examples of how useful a part-time legislature can be. In Texas it is illegal to…

Whether you are a boy or girl, it’s illegal for you to flirt with your hands or eyes

Fart in an elevator

Sell “ 'Obscene device[s]' mean[ing] a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs."

Mr. Perry: Tear down these walls!

starfanglednut December 27, 2011 at 12:48 pm

To be fair, farting in an elevator should be illegal.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Otherwise known as playing gas chamber.

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Dildo Diaries

Great example of just how fucked up TX is.

poncho_pilot December 27, 2011 at 2:19 pm

i don't know, there are probably some people who use dildos for the purposes of law enforcement in Texas.

reminds of going to smoke shops in San Diego. they don't sell bongs. they sell "water pipes". for smoking tobacco. and don't say bong or call it a "head shop" when you're in there, either.

Chet Kincaid December 27, 2011 at 1:33 pm

But Alexis Texas is in violation of 2 of 3 laws!

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:34 pm

That ain't bad.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Well, I would be in the clear because when I flirt I don't use my hands or eyes but I do use most of my other parts.

V572 the Merciless December 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm

The WaPoo listicle has a nice little database you can sort by "net worth" from top to bottom or, even better, bottom to top. There you can learn that Louie Gohmert is $150K in the hole; teabagger heartthrob Kristi Noem is down $111K, and good ol' anti-choicer hairboy Bart Stupak owes $178K. How do you go to Warshington and get poor? And (the real problem) how much Koch cock do you have to suck to get ahead?

Oh, and the big champ is Alcee Hastings, (D, Fl) who owes somebody, probably his lawyers, $4.7M. Nice work, Rep!

donner_froh December 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Quite a list. John D. Rockefeller IV is in fifth place–lots of real money there.

OneDollarJuana December 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Boy, that should make those pols extra susceptible to bribes, er, lobbying. They have pressing debts to pay.

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm

"how much Koch cock do you have to suck to get ahead? "

Just one…but if you blow both brothers, you get two heads.

Bluestatelibel December 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

It takes a special brand of Tea Party stupid to go to Washington and get poor, that's for sure.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Lotta damned limousine libruls on that list right there!

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Kerry LIBEL!

ifthethunderdontgetya December 27, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Cutting his own paycheck was the third thing, and Rick forgot it.
~

sbj1964 December 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm

174,000 + a year in Congress,but how much would you pay yourself if your boss let you vote up your own raises? That's the problem.

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 1:40 pm

The problem here-
I'm worth it!

(… and dog gone it, people like me)

JustPixelz December 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I guess it's worth noting that Perry has vetoed 273 bills — a Texas record! — because even he thought the part-time legislature was doing something stupid.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm

And ain't NObody knows stupid like he knows stupid.

hagajim December 27, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Hypocrite is a hypocrite. However, the part-time Congress is a good idea, because those guys are full-time assholes…and they only work half the fucking year already!

donner_froh December 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Inspired by Rick Perry my standard financial planning includes stealing crusts of bread from widows and orphans. Because if it's standard it must be legitimate.

orygoon December 27, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Rick Perry is another example of how our capitalistic society does not work. Look at value added, and look at income. Overall, the correlation is weak/nonexistent.

MrFizzy December 27, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Maybe a strong negative correlation actually – like Lloyd Blankfein and all those other useless Wall Street pricks. Better to double their paychecks and have them stay home from "work".

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm

In my 18 years with a Fortune 100 I often saw the top executives work REALLY hard. Always when they were trying to screw somebody else out of something. Problem is they never spent much time creating value.

Slim_Pickins December 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm

No, Rick, the real problem is that there are too many know-nothing yahoos like you in govmint. You know the type, you're one of them. You can't find your rear with both hands let alone analyze a complex issue.

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:03 pm

But he would be king in the land of one-armed men searching for their asses!

HobbesEvilTwin December 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Yes, make congresscritters work less so they can spend even more time sucking off CEOs and otherwise "campaigning".

great idea, moran!

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

"less so they can spend even more time sucking off CEOs"

is that even possible?

poncho_pilot December 27, 2011 at 2:46 pm

it's amazing you can even understand what most of congress is saying. so much dick in theirs mouths you'd think they all just got their wisdom teeth pulled. or that congress is one big Marlon Brando impersonator convention.

ttommyunger December 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm

How far back in our History does one have to go to find that "Public Service" did not mean "service" the same way we meant it when we hired Boars to "Service" our Hogs back in Missouri?

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I have always liked that analogy: Service is what the bull does to the cow.

Has anyone dealt with post-Christmas Customer "Service" yet? Jesus H. Christ.

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Actually I've been on the phone with two customer service reps this morning (the co. that prints my mother's checks and CenturyLink, her long-distance service) and to my utter shock both of them replied promptly and addressed my issue. End times are near!

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Hey, Grrl – You are lucky. I'm trying to get a replacement for my grandson's defective toy. What a bunch of crap!!!

If the end times are near, let them roll!!!

ttommyunger December 27, 2011 at 11:48 pm

I didn't buy a fucking thing, so don't have a dog in that fight.

mayor_quimby December 28, 2011 at 2:39 am

Same here, I am gonna get the kids in my life model rockets and fireworks, but not when they expect it. Who is more awesome, the guy who delivers on christmas, or who shows up with random 'you're awesome' gifts at random intervals.
I think we know the answer….

actor212 December 27, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Everyone's pay should be cut. Except mine. And that intern that puts out. The rest of you? Can eat air for dinner.

Steverino247 December 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Go tell the Virginians!

BarackMyWorld December 27, 2011 at 12:37 pm

“Whether the thing’s legal or not, the governor is locked arm in arm with a whole group of conservatives who are attacking our pension fund and then he is taking advantage of a loophole that only he and a few others have access to. It’s outrageous,” he said.

This is how recalls get started. Or at least its how they should.

owhatever December 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Governor Perry just discovered that Dallas is part of Texas, and not a state all its own. He has his part-time staff now working to determine if there are other places like that, like El Paso, which is Messican for The Lord in real words.

As far as his standard financial planning, where is Bernie Madoff when we need him?

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm

"… many rank-and-file Texas employees … sometimes can return to state employment after retirement, but only after a 90-day waiting period and seeing their pensions frozen, said Mike Gross, vice president of the 12,000-member Texas State Employees Union."

Proof that unions are SOCIALIST class-warfarers who only want to suck at the teat of Big Gubbmint and hate the job creators who are the real patriots. I think I got that right.

dadanarchist December 27, 2011 at 12:51 pm

In Rick Perry's defense, he'll need both his pay and pension to finance his planned retirement home, "The Dead Chink Ranch."

Mort_Sinclair December 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Yeah, but think of the cans of spray-on tan that guy has to pay for out of his measly $224K. You don't get to be that color without shelling out some bucks even if your state is the closest thing to hell-fire on earth.

chascates December 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Perry bills Texas taxpayers over $1 million while touring country: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/27/perry-bills

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Oh crap, you beat me to the story.

chascates December 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm

As my guv I look constantly for Rickie's latest escapades. I think he'll be chancellor of Texas A&M after all this is over.

Geminisunmars December 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm

As an Agro-American, he is uniquely qualified for that position.

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Exactly, Chas, the fucker is even triple dipping while going around raking in cash for his futile POTUS run. I wish I could continue to get paid from my job while I travel around the country giving a senseless speech or two and sitting through mindless fundraisers.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm

As if this part of Ricky grifting off the Texas gummit dole weren't enough for you, check out this.

Aside from President Obama, Perry — the only sitting governor in the 2012 race — has the largest security contingent, and apparently the only one on the Republican side financed by taxpayers.

Weeks before he officially announced his presidential bid, Perry said it was appropriate for the Texas Department of Public Safety to pay for his security and called any criticism of his government-provided protection a “diversion.” He also said that Texans would benefit from his travels.

Bonghits4Jesus December 27, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Texas will benefit from his travels by having 1 less idiot in the state!

Bluestatelibel December 27, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Fact: The average IQ in Texas goes up 40 points every time Parry leaves the state.

prommie December 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Who does he think he is, a football coach?

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Well, at least he isn't getting food stamps or unemployment checks.

Negligently_Joe December 27, 2011 at 3:17 pm

By Rethug logic, either of those would justify drug-testing the dude. Meanwhile, this? Not so much.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I remember during the healthcare battle in Congress that every time Boner appeared on camera, he seemed to be slurring his words. A friend of mine said "Maybe he's just tired or his blood sugar was low." I said "Riiiight…"

SayItWithWookies December 27, 2011 at 3:23 pm

As the French say, quel fuckin' tool. At least when Mark Sanford was gone for five days, some people in South Carolina noticed.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Who doesn't love an Argentine firecracker, though?

unclejeems December 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm

The benefit, he says, is that he's "promoting" Texas in other states–making sure, don't you know, that they know that Texas, like Wisconsin, is "open for business." So ya'll come on down hyere. That he could do that and run for president at the same time must, in his addled brain, be proof of his ability to multi-task.

Frankly, I think the guy's a dickwad, a waste of skin, and consumes oxygen that more useful humans could put to good use. But what do I know.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Texas is like old pussy. Everyone knows it's down there, we just don't care.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Due to my own astute standard financial planning, I take in the princely sum of $2800/mo by double-dipping, just like da guv. And it's MY pension they want to slash.
Parry may be so dumb he can't pour piss out of his boot with the instructions printed on the heel, but he's not stupid.

BarackMyWorld December 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Oh, look, Newt's been lying about about divorce #1, and wouldn't support his kids: http://us.cnn.com/2011/12/26/politics/gingrich-di

Jackie Battley Gingrich, the congressman's wife and the mother of Jackie Gingrich Cushman, responded by asking the judge to reject her husband's filing.
"Defendant shows that she has adequate and ample grounds for divorce, but that she does not desire one at this time," her petition said.
"Although defendant does not admit that this marriage is irretrievably broken, defendant has been hopeful that an arrangement for temporary support of defendant and the two minor daughters of the parties could be mutually agreed upon without the intervention of this court," her petition said. "All efforts to date have been unsuccessful."
When CNN presented the information found in the divorce file to the Gingrich campaign, its spokesman stood by the contention that it was Gingrich's ex-wife who asked for the divorce in 1980…
The court documents obtained by CNN also shed light on the issue of the first-term congressman's record of offering support for Jackie Gingrich and the two girls during the separation and after the divorce.
The same court filing in which Jackie Gingrich told the judge she did not want the divorce also accused Gingrich of failing to provide enough money for her and her two then-teenaged daughters to live on during their separation. Kathy was 17 at the time.
"Despite repeated notice to plaintiff and requests by defendant, plaintiff has failed and refused to voluntarily provide reasonable support sufficient to include payment of usual and normal living expenses, including drugs, water, sewage, garbage, gas, electric and telephone service for defendant and the minor children," she said in court documents. "As a result, many of such accounts are two or three months past due with notices of intent to cut off service and gas and electricity."
When Jackie Gingrich and her daughters moved from their other home in Fairfax, Virginia, back to their house in Carrollton, Georgia, there were "no lights, no heat, no water, no food in the home," former Gingrich friend and academic colleague Carter said.
Carter, who helped collect donations for the family, said Gingrich "wouldn't give them a dime" in the first months of the separation.
"We had a food drive at First Baptist Church," Carter said. "The deacons went down and stocked her pantry."

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Also love this part: 'You know and I know that she's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a president' – Newt Gingrinch to his campaign treasurer about why he was divorcing his first wife. Grounds for divorce if I ever saw it!

Spurning Beer December 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm

My favorite part is that wife #2 says that Newt was involved with #1 (the geometry teacher) while he was still in high school, and she was still a teacher there.

Bluestatelibel December 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Nothing says family values like not caring if the water and electricity is turned off on your kids.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Oddibe Mc Dowell Libel.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 27, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I don't see why anybody is surprised by newtish behavior: Amphibians are cold-blooded, and letting their hatchlings fend for themselves is routine practice.

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm

It's time for David Icke to get involved and tell the American people the truth!!!

Guppy December 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm

"accused Gingrich of failing to provide enough money for her and her two then-teenaged daughters to live on"

Stupid child labor laws…

donner_froh December 27, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Divorce often brings out the worst in people–men and women of formerly exceptional probity while tell really stupid lies and try to "win" the divorce.

In Gingrich's case no matter what he had done during the divorces of wife#1 and wife #2 he would still be an nonredeemable asshole.

flamingpdog December 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

"The deacons went down and stocked her pantry."

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Dashboard Buddha December 27, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Now Newt is stocking Callista's pantry…with diamonds!

swordfis December 27, 2011 at 2:00 pm

It just occurred to me that I could have learned about 500 kanji in the time I've spent ragefully following these idiots. Any one of us could have as well. I propose a class action suit to cover the costs of hijacked brain cells.

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm

'The Jōyō kanji (常用漢字, "regular-use kanji") are 2,136 characters consisting of all the Kyōiku kanji, plus 1,130 additional kanji taught in junior high and high school. In publishing, characters outside this category are often given furigana. The Jōyō kanji were introduced in 1981, replacing an older list of 1,850 characters known as the Tōyō kanji (当用漢字, "general-use kanji") introduced in 1946. Originally numbering 1,945 characters, the Jōyō kanji list was extended to 2,136 in 2010. Some of the new characters were previously Jinmeiyō kanji; some are used to write prefecture names: 阪, 熊, 奈, 岡, 鹿, 梨, 阜, 埼, 茨, 栃 and 媛.'

So 500 kanji is about 25 percent of high school vocabulary. We already know how these idiots feel about education. That's a lot of hijacked brain cells!!!

Radiotherapy December 27, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Rick Parry can't be bought for $5,000, but he sure can be for $224,000+.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 2:35 pm

That he is a prostitute has long been established, now we're just haggling over the price.

SayItWithWookies December 27, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So Rick's campaigning on cutting the pay of Congress, and Newt's campaigning on arresting judges he disagrees with. And each policy is subject to the checks and balances of the branch the candidate wants to undermine. In the immortal words of Casey Stengel, "Doesn't anyone here know how to play this game?"

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 3:12 pm

And in Rick's latest commercials, he claims to be the "Washington outsider" who is just the guy we need to go into Washington and clean things up.

The stupid, it burns. Lord, how it burns.

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Why do all the Repugnicans hate America?

DustBowlBlues December 27, 2011 at 2:14 pm

This just in: Ben Nelson (D?R? Mutual of Omaha) isn't running again, though the DNC just dumped oodles of money into this dickwad's campaign.

Crappy day; haven't even showered; just dropped by to say, "Fuck Ben Nelson" over and over and over.

BarackMyWorld December 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Buck Fen Nelson!

Negligently_Joe December 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Ben Nelson (D?R? Mutual of Omaha) isn't running again, though the DNC just dumped oodles of money into this dickwad's campaign.

Ben Nelson: Basically just Wario both in appearance, and disposition.

Rotundo_ December 27, 2011 at 2:51 pm

At least the democratic party isn't going to be on the hook for one more term just to have the ratfucker turn on them as he has every time before. Off to KStreet with him so he can join with his naturally republican cohort. Good riddance and may his arteries clog hard and fast!

Negligently_Joe December 27, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Right. The bad news is, Democrats are unlikely to win back that seat any time soon. The good news is, nobody will ever notice the difference.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Bob Kerrey might pull a Lautenberg.

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Ben Nelson is a Democrat like Joe Manchin is a Democrat. Maybe John Kerrey is available to run for the seat again.

proudgrampa December 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Ah, Ben. We hardly knew ye. And we're glad!

chascates December 27, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Were you snowed in with the relatives this year?

DustBowlBlues December 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Nope. Had a beautiful day, mostly owing to my work. Being an old, I am now also a tired.

Guppy December 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm

His campaign was aborted.

rocktonsam December 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

jeez, I hope he can land a lobbyist job to make ends meet

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Marlin and Jim should have switched out the tranquilizer dart and switched in a large caliber dum-dum round on this turd a long time ago.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Given that you need 60 votes to do anything in the Senate, anymore, good fuckin' riddance, Ben. You will not be missed you two-timing, troll-looking motherfucker.

mavenmaven December 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Carl Schmitt pointed out, long ago, that leadership is necessarily outside of the law, for they make the law in the state of emergency. So what Perry is doing is OK.
Of course, Schmitt was a jurist for the Nazi party.

HistoriCat December 27, 2011 at 3:08 pm

You know who else was … oh, screw it.

MzNicky December 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Newt's divorce lawyer? (Just couldn't help myself.)

Come here a minute December 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Getting outraged about Rick Perry being an idiot hypocrite is like getting outraged at the sun for rising in the east.

Dudleydidwrong December 27, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Yeah, but we keep hoping that the only way ol' Rick will rise is when some wicked witch in the forest throws him into an oven to bake. Where is Christine O'Donnell when she could do something good for a change? "Wing of bat, eye of newt…Hell, that's another positive idea!"

raygotaway December 27, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Yep, get a job Rick and stop hanging out with
those cute body guards in hotels instead of doing
your partime job as gov. of Texas.

Tundra Grifter December 27, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I believe it was a ClusterFox debate mod who pointed out to Gov. Perry that Congress already has only 140 workdays a year. How much more part-time can you get?

Since so many Senators and Reps fly home on Friday and return late Monday, they really only have 3 workdays a week right now – and they can't get along. One reason being they don't socialize and really get to know each other and establish some common ground upon which to work things out.

Basically they are either raising money or raising Hell, but they sure aren't running our country.

Gov. Perry's proposal is the "No Child Left Behind" formula. if a school is failing, cut its funding! That will make it oh so much better!

Personally, I think one of Gov. Perry's problems is that he has a part-time brain.

chascates December 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Ben Nelson retiring from Senate:

Democratic leaders from the White House and Capitol Hill pleaded with Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.), asking him to run for re-election for one main reason: the party is desperate to keep its Senate majority and it has no one else to run in Nebraska.
As is often the case, Nelson is letting his party down.

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm

And yet, the dickwad Dems continue to give him money. The DLC probably piled on and gave him money, too. For services rendered to the United States of Corporate America.

BarackMyWorld December 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I wonder if Bob Kerrey is still looking to make a come back…

chascates December 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Gingrich: I Want To Appoint A Trial Lawyer To Negotiate With China

Speaking in Dubuque, Iowa, Newt Gingrich said he would find the best trial lawyer in America and have them negotiate trade with China, because they are good at negotiating and we’re not.

And Obama intends to ask for a 1.2 trillion hike in the debt limit

The Obama administration’s announcement that it will certify this week its intent to raise the debt limit didn’t sit well on Capitol Hill. Republicans are threatening to return early from recess and the White House is trying to figure out a way to keep the commotion from spilling out into the public.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I'm sure Wang, Chung, Too Nite, LLC would jump at the opportunity!

DustBowlBlues December 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Hey– If someone sees MayorQuimby, tell him I'm looking for him to answer his question about what is Trifle. Multi-layerd English dessert, sponge cake (made my own), custard, jam, Harvey's bristol Cream, strawberries to garnish. Looked fabulous in that deep trifle dish that people buy and don't know how to use. Counting mobile phones, had nine fucking cameras and no on thought to take a picture. Shit.

BTW–English dessert.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 27, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Nope. Just because the fucker's a crook, doesn't mean he's good at it.

Magpie54 December 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Like everybody else who thinks that cutting pay anhd/or benefits for Congress – he ignores the reality that most are too wealthy to care and those that aren't shouldn't take all the punishment.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I'm tired of this fucking gimmick of a part-time Congress. It's the most gimmicky of gimmicks. It's doesn't solve shit. Yeah, I'm kind of angry, but mostly just worn out from this barrage of stupidity that is the GOP nomination process.

No, Rick. You get a fucking real job, already, instead of playing Empress of Texas and sucking on the government tit, okay? Asshole.

dennis1943 December 28, 2011 at 11:28 am

Certainly one can cut their salaries in half………….because they earn so much in "tips".

Jukesgrrl December 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Would it be possible for you to ruin Taylor Swift's entire oeuvre for the rest of America so I don't have to hear people claim that is "singing"?

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Go for it, son. Start with Justin Beaverhead, and work your way on down through Rebecca Blackhead and all those other pimply teenage caterwaulers.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Go ahead and taint Tebow, nasty-ize Nugent and especially King Kong Kibosh that entire fucking odious Armenian clan that is 'famous' for being…odious? Oh, and Kuntify Katie too, for bringing into this world that Kudzu of a meme.

Have a nice day! :)

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

It was interesting to find out that autotune can make a teenaged girl sound like a screechy old woman.

Biff December 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Yeah, great. Like one Cher wasn't enough.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm

What's the matter with you people?! Hell-lo. What, is "gnawing off the digits of post-snowflake white babies" too mundane for you?!

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I've been yelled at (on wonkette no less) for using too many explitives when they post something about Ricky. I just don't snark them anymore. GOD I HATE THAT FROTHY MOTHER F***ER SO D%^% D(*^% MUCH!!!! I'D LIKE TO TAKE HIS A$@ H %&E AND THE BAND ABBA AND Y*((^*( #^&^%$( (&%(& %&))%&%)&% %)&)%^### @@! )%&) )*%)&&)% %)&%)&%) AND THEN I'D CALL UP TOM WAITS AND WE'D BOTH GRAB THAT LITTLE B**&H AND (&*(*& )$#@@%%#% I(^*(^ WITH A SNOW BLOWER AND A FIFTY CENT WHORE. AFTER THAT I'D @***$&%(* *%&&$$( AND HIS ($*)$*)*$&&@@^.

Whew….. thanks for letting me vent Loaded_Pants.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Apologies. That one did slip my mind.

Loaded_Pants December 27, 2011 at 7:44 pm

You have vented nicely.

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 8:15 pm

EMERICAN JEBUS BLOOD LIBEL TO BOTH YOUZ!!!!!

Baconzgood December 27, 2011 at 8:17 pm

BLOOD LIBEL TO YOU TOO ALSO!

PalinzADummy December 28, 2011 at 12:44 am

It only took one or two severe ass-kickings for most of us to realize that showing up unprepared for a meeting or a performance review or a debate was a huge no-no. Only one or two. Rick Perry's ass is severely dented from a lifetime of kickings. Yet, he can still turn up with an empty head, a list of TWO, of which he can't remember ONE item, and an "OOPS."

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: