Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

117 comments

    1. mayor_quimby

      My people are from a different group of islands, but the eatin' white babies for Christmas tradition is the same. I am still full….

      1. horsedreamer_1

        If by "white babies", you mean "attractive Sunset Strip jock chasers", then you & I are so money. & we know it.

        1. mayor_quimby

          I'm pretty sure that my peeps are known for cannibalizing outsiders, jerk bbq style, but your tradition sounds much more DVD-worthy.
          I would like to subscribe to your (F-F-M) pamphlet.
          EDIT – You are so money, and I am so totally out of references here, that I need a thesaurus.

    1. flamingpdog

      Let's try this again and see if Intense Debate will accept it this time:

      Gives new meaning to the car window sticker, "Baby on Board".

    1. PalinzADummy

      ZOMG, it's a SEKRIT Muslin Turrrrrrst BayBee! Thank deity Prez Barack is equipped with the All-Seeing Eye and swiftly responded to Protect and Save America Herself by biting off the Li'l Turrrrrst's fingers!

  1. proudgrampa

    Can't wait for Fux News to interpret this event. Probably something along the lines of "Worst Massacre in Hawaii since Pearl Harbor!"

    1. dadanarchist

      They'll play the old Twilight Zone episode, "To Serve Man," and claim it as an exclusive home video from Barry Hussein's college days…

  2. flamingpdog

    Uh huh, and exactly where is the left hand of that little kid getting the life squeezed out of him at 0:07? Why is the Preznit laughing so hard?

  3. Arken

    That kid is going to be able to tell one heck of an anecdote if he's able to survive the detention camps.

    1. user-of-owls

      Mrs. Owls works at an elementary school. I swear those places, especially in the younger grades, are an unholy cross between an EPA Superfund site and a bio-warfare laboratory.

      Last year I got a combi-virus of spinal meningitis, dengue and Marburg that she brought home from school. I died from it, which is why I'm dead. Really. Can you see me? No you cannot. That means I am dead. From the combi-virus, from my wife, from the elementary school. The end.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        Oh yes, I do have fond memories from elementary where we were a very snotty, coughy bunch. Not to mention the 4th grade chicken pox outbreak, the regular occurrence of lice, and the kid that had watery diarrhea in kindergarten.

      2. flamingpdog

        The ex-Ms.pdog did daycare in the home for 10 years and I was sick for ten years. Hardly ever used any sick leave for myself in all the years since. I'd wear a NASA space suit to vist the grandchillun if they were in daycare themselves instead at home with the pdogette.

      3. Dashboard Buddha

        When I did my internship at Armwood Highschool back in the day, over the course of the semester I came down with:

        two colds
        one flu
        one case of strep throat

        AND

        Mother fucking Chickenpox!!

        Given this was a rural school, I'm surprised I didn't come down with Neosporosis

        1. finallyhappy

          Definitely I have had more colds./illnesses this year since I am working with school kids and tourist kids(bringing god knows what from god knows where)

          1. LesBontemps

            At times, Wonketeering has given me the strength to go on. But there's probably an equal number of times that Wonkette has had me longing for my death panel.

          2. user-of-owls

            Tired of waiting for a Panel that never seems to come? Frustrated by commenters who can't snark, can't spell and sure as hell can't punctuate? Wish that you weren't utterly Pavlovian when it comes to random, infrequent posts here?

            Now you can avoid all this by following one simple tip: Die! That's right, Death is this generation's Life, the solution to all the vexing problems that arise from continued corporeal existence. Call today for my free introductory pamphlet! It's time to quit living and start dying!

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Wing Nut Daily headline: "President Snacks on Innocent Baby's Fingers. Proof Of His Pro-Cannibal Policies!"

  4. Mumbletypeg

    Obama's just fulfilling that old William Blake prophecy-like verse:

    "I will not cease from Mental Fight,
    Nor shall my Sword sleep in its scabb'rd:
    Till I have noshed on all the digits
    Of ev'ry plump and pleasant babeh"

      1. Mumbletypeg

        I had no idea it was set to that music, which I am familiar with.
        Growing up we had this playing on my mother's turntable often, far as Jerusalem-themed pieces: "The Holy City", which I'm finding online either by Jessye Norman, whom I am in awe of, but the full choir version we had was closer to this by Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
        Neither measures up to what I listened to back then, however.

      2. flamingpdog

        Hey, Lizzie, I read in the "American Prospect" the day before yesterday about how "One older woman, a Manhattanite volunteering at the park but not living there, set to knitting wool hats in preparation for winter." That wasn't you, was it? (Not that I can picture you as an "older woman", mind you.)

  5. user-of-owls

    Ok, I want you people to follow this very carefully. I'll start with the conclusion, then work backward through the obvious, logical causal chain:

    1. O-Hitler did 9/11
    2.…because he hates NY
    3.…because it’s ‘Heimytown’
    4.…because Jewish refugees
    5.…from the Netherlands bought it
    6.…from the Indians for shiny trinkets
    7.[…because, hey, Jews, right?]
    8.…which prevents him from bombing Israel
    9….for his lover Mullah Omar
    10.…but back to the Tulip-Heads
    11.…who cheated the Noble Savages
    12.…anyway, where was I?
    13.…right, the Dutch
    14.…[who are also skinflints, connect the dots!]
    15.…who all would have drowned
    16.…like bubonic rats
    17.…as Nature intended
    18.…if it wasn’t for that retard Hans Brinker
    19.…who pulled his finger outta his ass
    20.…just long enough to jam it
    21.…in a leaky dyke dike
    22.…and that’s obviously why
    23.…Mao-bama is chewing the fingers
    24.…off a white baby
    25.…just like Saul Alinsky taught him to.

    I know this is true because it was in an email forwarded to me by my church pastor. Wake up sheeple!

    1. flamingpdog

      Barry, is that you??? I always thought you commented at Wonkette, but I had you pegged as one of the other commenters.

    2. ChernobylSoup

      All those eggheads running around CERN and Owls has the Grand Unified Theory all sorted out right here.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Actually, I think the baby was reaching in thinking, "hey…there used to be a soul here, wasn't there?"

    1. Geminisunmars

      He looks a little young to have graduated high school, much less be a Marine. But with finger dexterity like that I suppose he could manage the fb.

      1. ttommyunger

        You should be proud to have lived long enough to know its origin. If I'm not mistaken, it was a SatNtLive line, Chevy Chase, maybe; back when it was funny.

  6. BarackMyWorld

    You can take the anti-colonial African tribesman out of the jungle, but not the jungle out of the anti-colonial African tribesman.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Dear Hungry in Hawaii,

      Eating baby with or without fingers depends entirely on the type of dinner party one chooses to hold. If it is a formal dinner, baby fingers are considered gauche, even rude. Whereas if the soiree is of a more relaxed nature, say a riparian picnic or a cook out, then your guests will almost certainly be on the lookout for the tender morsels.

      - Miss Manners

  7. ingloriousbytch

    That baby was really trying to get a cheek swab from Obama so the Tea Party could test his DNA and discover once and for all what part of Africa he was born in. Or he was trying to set off the cyanide capsule Obama has buried in his teeth.

    For real though, Barry sure has some serious mojo over white babies. Almost as much as Michelle has over Marines.

    1. PalinzADummy

      I'm impressed. Babies generally react to me by shrieking and freaking out. My preferred method of quieting them (always works) is to immediately leave the vicinity. Either Barack has some kind of baby-soothing pheromone or every camera around him mysteriously goes dead when he's holding a baby and it gets upset. He hath charms, it seems, to soothe the savage beast.

  8. JustPixelz

    Naturally Newt and the Go-Pee'ers feel that if Obama is eating people, they should come out in support of people eating politicians.

    If you want this posting to be about oral sex, turn to page 32.
    If you want this posting to be about Newt's whale-like physique, turn to page 45.

  9. Doktor Zoom

    Kid watched too much Mystery Science Theater, and then thought it would be funny to say, "Bite me, pal."

    I'M HUGE!

  10. fartknocker

    Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

    I'm sure I screwed that up after watching Anthony Bourdain's "The Layover", drinking bourbon and curled up on my couch with my wife, who also consumed some single barrel Jack Daniels. Sorry but I had a Seinfeld moment. Corrections and/or embellishments are welcome.

    Old married Wonketters in South Austin.

  11. Negropolis

    Mmmmm….White babies: the other other white meat.

    Hide yo wives, hide yo husbands, and hide you babies, 'cause 'Bama's eatin' erreybody up in here.

Comments are closed.