NOM NOM NOM  2:27 pm December 26, 2011

Barack Obama Attempts To Eat Fingers Off a Small Child (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Barack Obama is on vacation in Hawaii, where he is sampling the taste of the local infants.

It’s sort of cute, until you realize this child is probably already halfway to Gitmo.

[YouTube]

 
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{ 117 comments }

chascates December 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

And so the socialist Kenyan does feed off our children!

donner_froh December 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

He decided to chomp on the blondest, whitest baby on the islands.

mayor_quimby December 27, 2011 at 4:07 am

My people are from a different group of islands, but the eatin' white babies for Christmas tradition is the same. I am still full….

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Hey, my people too! Mmm-mmm, good.

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 10:20 pm

If by "white babies", you mean "attractive Sunset Strip jock chasers", then you & I are so money. & we know it.

mayor_quimby December 28, 2011 at 2:09 am

I'm pretty sure that my peeps are known for cannibalizing outsiders, jerk bbq style, but your tradition sounds much more DVD-worthy.
I would like to subscribe to your (F-F-M) pamphlet.
EDIT – You are so money, and I am so totally out of references here, that I need a thesaurus.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Probably the only damn haole baby on the islands, and Barack had to go eat him.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub December 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

'ssamatter, Barry? Baby got yer tongue?

Barb December 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Waterboarding this kid should be easy, probably could use an eyedropper.

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Let's try this again and see if Intense Debate will accept it this time:

Gives new meaning to the car window sticker, "Baby on Board".

JustPixelz December 26, 2011 at 5:43 pm

It's called "enhanced parenting", not "waterboarding".

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Toss a wet diaper across him face.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Oh Barb, that was really good.

DerrickWildcat December 26, 2011 at 2:48 pm

That baby is no baby!

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm

ZOMG, it's a SEKRIT Muslin Turrrrrrst BayBee! Thank deity Prez Barack is equipped with the All-Seeing Eye and swiftly responded to Protect and Save America Herself by biting off the Li'l Turrrrrst's fingers!

Gratuitous World December 26, 2011 at 2:48 pm

just another birther looking for proof.

Arken December 26, 2011 at 2:55 pm

He was checking Obama's dental records.

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Where's the tongue-form birf certificate?

weejee December 26, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Just finger-lickin' good!

proudgrampa December 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Can't wait for Fux News to interpret this event. Probably something along the lines of "Worst Massacre in Hawaii since Pearl Harbor!"

dadanarchist December 26, 2011 at 2:56 pm

They'll play the old Twilight Zone episode, "To Serve Man," and claim it as an exclusive home video from Barry Hussein's college days…

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I mean, he's actually been FORCED to DENY that he is SPOCK!

But I saw him give the Vulcan salute, and I know he's an (illegal) alien.

glamourdammerung December 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm

It just shows that Obama is morally weak. Duh.

Mumbletypeg December 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Not to get all kinky where it's uncalled for (but of course it is, called for): this explains maybe how mutating Michelle Obama grew her third hand?

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I ATE A BABY! Get in my Belly !

dadanarchist December 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"Blonde, rolly-polly white babies are meringues, essentially." – Megyn Kelly

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Uh huh, and exactly where is the left hand of that little kid getting the life squeezed out of him at 0:07? Why is the Preznit laughing so hard?

Arken December 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

That kid is going to be able to tell one heck of an anecdote if he's able to survive the detention camps.

user-of-owls December 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

When the President says he wants finger food, he means it.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Tastes like Chicken.

Biff December 26, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Tastes like chicken Spam.

V572 the Merciless December 26, 2011 at 3:02 pm

At K-Bay, they start 'em young.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 26, 2011 at 3:03 pm

That little germ factory probably just assassinated our president with some horrible diaper spawned bacteria.

Loaded_Pants December 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Biological terrorism?

user-of-owls December 26, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Mrs. Owls works at an elementary school. I swear those places, especially in the younger grades, are an unholy cross between an EPA Superfund site and a bio-warfare laboratory.

Last year I got a combi-virus of spinal meningitis, dengue and Marburg that she brought home from school. I died from it, which is why I'm dead. Really. Can you see me? No you cannot. That means I am dead. From the combi-virus, from my wife, from the elementary school. The end.

Blueb4sunrise December 26, 2011 at 5:24 pm

You got all of them? Katie.
Bar the door.

Loaded_Pants December 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Oh yes, I do have fond memories from elementary where we were a very snotty, coughy bunch. Not to mention the 4th grade chicken pox outbreak, the regular occurrence of lice, and the kid that had watery diarrhea in kindergarten.

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

The ex-Ms.pdog did daycare in the home for 10 years and I was sick for ten years. Hardly ever used any sick leave for myself in all the years since. I'd wear a NASA space suit to vist the grandchillun if they were in daycare themselves instead at home with the pdogette.

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 6:59 pm

When I did my internship at Armwood Highschool back in the day, over the course of the semester I came down with:

two colds
one flu
one case of strep throat

AND

Mother fucking Chickenpox!!

Given this was a rural school, I'm surprised I didn't come down with Neosporosis

finallyhappy December 26, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Definitely I have had more colds./illnesses this year since I am working with school kids and tourist kids(bringing god knows what from god knows where)

Monsieur_Grumpe December 26, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I never thought I'd say this to someone; I'm sorry you're dead.

user-of-owls December 26, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Eh, you learn to live with it.

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 10:59 am

The trick is keeping up with the commenting, apparently.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:56 pm

This is why elementary school personnel are advised not to marry for the duration of their term. It's bad enough *they're* exposed to the little germbags.

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I'm surprised Barry settled for the fingers. You'd think he'd want to eat the haole baby.

Loaded_Pants December 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Wing Nut Daily headline: "President Snacks on Innocent Baby's Fingers. Proof Of His Pro-Cannibal Policies!"

Mariecohn December 26, 2011 at 9:35 pm

WIN, Mr Fpd, giving rise to much laughter and many deep bows from Maui.

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 11:04 am

You mean Mau Mau-i.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Bad (smack!), bad (smack!) pdog!

And, you said it first, damn your eyes.

Come here a minute December 26, 2011 at 3:07 pm

A military tribunal would be too good for that tiny-fingered monster.

Mumbletypeg December 26, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Obama's just fulfilling that old William Blake prophecy-like verse:

"I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in its scabb'rd:
Till I have noshed on all the digits
Of ev'ry plump and pleasant babeh"

Limeylizzie December 26, 2011 at 4:24 pm

That seriously is my favourite piece of music , makes me cry like a baby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5jw9lmAZNE

Mumbletypeg December 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I had no idea it was set to that music, which I am familiar with.
Growing up we had this playing on my mother's turntable often, far as Jerusalem-themed pieces: "The Holy City", which I'm finding online either by Jessye Norman, whom I am in awe of, but the full choir version we had was closer to this by Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Neither measures up to what I listened to back then, however.

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Hey, Lizzie, I read in the "American Prospect" the day before yesterday about how "One older woman, a Manhattanite volunteering at the park but not living there, set to knitting wool hats in preparation for winter." That wasn't you, was it? (Not that I can picture you as an "older woman", mind you.)

Limeylizzie December 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Yes, you busted me, that is indeed me….not really, but she is very cool.http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/occupy-wall-street-voices-zuccotti-park-marsha-spencer-56-article-1.968504

user-of-owls December 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Ok, I want you people to follow this very carefully. I'll start with the conclusion, then work backward through the obvious, logical causal chain:

1. O-Hitler did 9/11
2.…because he hates NY
3.…because it’s ‘Heimytown’
4.…because Jewish refugees
5.…from the Netherlands bought it
6.…from the Indians for shiny trinkets
7.[…because, hey, Jews, right?]
8.…which prevents him from bombing Israel
9….for his lover Mullah Omar
10.…but back to the Tulip-Heads
11.…who cheated the Noble Savages
12.…anyway, where was I?
13.…right, the Dutch
14.…[who are also skinflints, connect the dots!]
15.…who all would have drowned
16.…like bubonic rats
17.…as Nature intended
18.…if it wasn’t for that retard Hans Brinker
19.…who pulled his finger outta his ass
20.…just long enough to jam it
21.…in a leaky dyke dike
22.…and that’s obviously why
23.…Mao-bama is chewing the fingers
24.…off a white baby
25.…just like Saul Alinsky taught him to.

I know this is true because it was in an email forwarded to me by my church pastor. Wake up sheeple!

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Barry, is that you??? I always thought you commented at Wonkette, but I had you pegged as one of the other commenters.

Negligently_Joe December 26, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Ron Paul? Is that you?

horsedreamer_1 December 27, 2011 at 12:37 am

You know who else was called Dutch?

ChernobylSoup December 27, 2011 at 12:45 am

All those eggheads running around CERN and Owls has the Grand Unified Theory all sorted out right here.

ManchuCandidate December 26, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Babies know who has a soul. I'd dare anyone to let their kid anywhere near Newty's piehole.

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Actually, I think the baby was reaching in thinking, "hey…there used to be a soul here, wasn't there?"

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm

So far, not a single baby has ever had a negative reaction to President O, or no one's ever photographed such. George Bush, on the other hand, well: http://epicawesome.com/images/conspiracies/baby-r

TanzbodenKoenig December 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

True story this guy is a good friend of mine from high school, saw the pics on his fb yesterday. He's a Marine captain who served overseas and an awesome guy

Geminisunmars December 26, 2011 at 5:12 pm

He looks a little young to have graduated high school, much less be a Marine. But with finger dexterity like that I suppose he could manage the fb.

TanzbodenKoenig December 26, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I haven't seen him since graduation actually since he's been in the Marines but we've got our ten year reunion comin up soon.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Be sure to ask him how the President liked (the taste of) his baby!

imissopus December 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

"No spine, huh? How about if I eat a living white baby on camera while laughing at it? Is that tough enough for you?"

Loaded_Pants December 26, 2011 at 3:43 pm

"And I'll eat the bones, too!"

ttommyunger December 26, 2011 at 3:49 pm

…alert Secret Service Agents then immediately wrestled the infant to the ground.

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 7:01 pm

After which, pursuant to new NDAA rules, the baby was taken to an undisclosed location.

ttommyunger December 26, 2011 at 7:14 pm

HOOOOhhhrraaaaaah! Number One, Number One!

gullywompr December 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Should I be proud or embarrassed to be old enough to remember the origin of that joke?

ttommyunger December 26, 2011 at 10:20 pm

You should be proud to have lived long enough to know its origin. If I'm not mistaken, it was a SatNtLive line, Chevy Chase, maybe; back when it was funny.

BarackMyWorld December 26, 2011 at 3:55 pm

You can take the anti-colonial African tribesman out of the jungle, but not the jungle out of the anti-colonial African tribesman.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Tarzan was his grandfather! The good Tarzan Johnny Weismuller

GOPCrusher December 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm

CANNIBALISM LIBEL!

arihaya December 26, 2011 at 4:17 pm

just like what Glenn Beck said: "This person [Barry] ate white people, and white culture."

Limeylizzie December 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I would have no problem with Barry eating me.

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 7:00 pm

and now I'm nicely set up for the week.

Limeylizzie December 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Happy to be of service.

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 7:05 pm

You never disappoint…always delight

Steverino247 December 26, 2011 at 10:58 pm

That's what Barry said…

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm

And, I take it the fingers would only be the start.

Spurning Beer December 26, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Dear Miss Manners,

Should baby meat be eaten with the fingers?

- Hungry in Hawaii

flamingpdog December 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Gives new meaning to the words "home-prepared baby food".

Dashboard Buddha December 26, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Dear Hungry in Hawaii,

Eating baby with or without fingers depends entirely on the type of dinner party one chooses to hold. If it is a formal dinner, baby fingers are considered gauche, even rude. Whereas if the soiree is of a more relaxed nature, say a riparian picnic or a cook out, then your guests will almost certainly be on the lookout for the tender morsels.

- Miss Manners

cheaphits December 26, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I know it's boxing day, but jeez, somebody make some news!

Da Wonkette is becoming Katie Couric

LetUsBray December 26, 2011 at 5:11 pm

The prez is just doing his Cheney impression.

Geminisunmars December 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I ate a baby and I liked it.

ingloriousbytch December 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm

That baby was really trying to get a cheek swab from Obama so the Tea Party could test his DNA and discover once and for all what part of Africa he was born in. Or he was trying to set off the cyanide capsule Obama has buried in his teeth.

For real though, Barry sure has some serious mojo over white babies. Almost as much as Michelle has over Marines.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I'm impressed. Babies generally react to me by shrieking and freaking out. My preferred method of quieting them (always works) is to immediately leave the vicinity. Either Barack has some kind of baby-soothing pheromone or every camera around him mysteriously goes dead when he's holding a baby and it gets upset. He hath charms, it seems, to soothe the savage beast.

PuglyDoRight December 26, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Babies sure love this guy.

JustPixelz December 26, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Naturally Newt and the Go-Pee'ers feel that if Obama is eating people, they should come out in support of people eating politicians.

If you want this posting to be about oral sex, turn to page 32.
If you want this posting to be about Newt's whale-like physique, turn to page 45.

HistoriCat December 27, 2011 at 8:58 am

Choose Your Own Adventures has really gone downhill.

SayItWithWookies December 26, 2011 at 6:12 pm

The problem with Hawaiian food is that half an hour later you feel like eating another baby.

Doktor Zoom December 26, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Kid watched too much Mystery Science Theater, and then thought it would be funny to say, "Bite me, pal."

I'M HUGE!

imissopus December 26, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Baby. It's what's for dinner.

BarackMyWorld December 26, 2011 at 9:02 pm
PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm

LOVE IT!

fartknocker December 27, 2011 at 12:58 am

Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

I'm sure I screwed that up after watching Anthony Bourdain's "The Layover", drinking bourbon and curled up on my couch with my wife, who also consumed some single barrel Jack Daniels. Sorry but I had a Seinfeld moment. Corrections and/or embellishments are welcome.

Old married Wonketters in South Austin.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Sounds like y'all had a wonderful holiday. Warm hugs to you both.

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

Baby- The whitest White Meat.

HedonismBot December 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

Through force of habit, Obama tried taking a drag.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Are you implying that babies are a drag?

HedonismBot December 27, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I'm implying that Obama wanted a cigarette. Because he's morally weak.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Right, right, THAT Obama meme.

actor212 December 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

Zombama: Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanes we can believe in.

El Pinche December 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Mmmmm white babies are the best. Taste like veal.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Mmmmm….White babies: the other other white meat.

Hide yo wives, hide yo husbands, and hide you babies, 'cause 'Bama's eatin' erreybody up in here.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Didn't you hear? Children under 10 get into Gitmo free!

Soylent Green December 28, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Lucky the kids not in New Jersey meeting up with Chris Christi.

glamourdammerung December 28, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Finally, someone finally had a valid reason to be acting like a baby around President Obama.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 3:25 pm

P-Score Potential > Autonomic Nervous System.

LesBontemps December 27, 2011 at 4:56 pm

At times, Wonketeering has given me the strength to go on. But there's probably an equal number of times that Wonkette has had me longing for my death panel.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Or grabbed up a fistful of diaper leavings for relocation.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Tired of waiting for a Panel that never seems to come? Frustrated by commenters who can't snark, can't spell and sure as hell can't punctuate? Wish that you weren't utterly Pavlovian when it comes to random, infrequent posts here?

Now you can avoid all this by following one simple tip: Die! That's right, Death is this generation's Life, the solution to all the vexing problems that arise from continued corporeal existence. Call today for my free introductory pamphlet! It's time to quit living and start dying!

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