DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL  2:45 pm December 24, 2011

Michele Bachmann Leaves ‘Gay Marcus’ Out of Family Xmas Video

by Wonkette Jr.

Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn’t even know the names of the random “children” she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he’s not even allowed in the family Christmas video. “Don’t forget the reason for the season,” sez Michele … which is marginalizing any gay family members during the holidays.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 129 comments }

Barb December 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I love that they all put on their coats and scarves to take an indoor photo.
No Marcus in the photo? What is Christmas without a fruitcake?

Radiotherapy December 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Maybe he's busy with the fruitcakes.

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

He couldn't don him now his gay apparel because it was still in the dryer when it was time to take the picture.

Are you buried under three feet o' snow, Barb?

finallyhappy December 24, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I think they jsut want to be ready leave quickly

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Will the real Fruitcake please stand up?

Dashboard Buddha December 25, 2011 at 11:10 am

Damn girl…you are the freakin' Professor Emeritus of Snark here at Wonkette.

KenLayIsAlive December 29, 2011 at 2:20 am

LOL. Priceless.

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Should've just gone with "that one." #bookofmccain

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

also, I believe “Don’t forget the reason for the season" is the slogan on the Applebee's gift certificate I got from my boss.

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 3:00 pm

It's also a RW dog whistle: If you don't say Xmas you don't lerve Jebus, and are therefore a terrorist seeking to implement Sharia Law.

Guppy December 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm

OK, a homework assignment for those who have less to do with their lives than I do: find these candidates' Easter videos, if they exist.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Jeebus is good in the neighborhood… Tender and mild!

yyyaz December 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I heard xmas was cancelled this year cuz one of the donkeys ate baby jeebus.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Only if properly marinated in a lightly acidic citrus juice before grilling.

HelmutNewton December 24, 2011 at 2:55 pm

The reason for the season? To engage in a contest of forced feel-good attitudes and to clear year-end inventory off of store shelves?

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Right this moment on CNN: "The Mystery of Jesus: Researchers pursue scientific answers to questions about Jesus Christ." This is an important lesson in how science works: you decide the results you want ("Jeebus is for realz!") and then devise experiments to "prove" it. Makes watching football seem like a high intellectual endeavor.

HistoriCat December 24, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Well, you can waste your time trying to get funding for real research … or you can take the easy money from the Jesus crowd and give them a 7000 word results summary which means "there's no way to prove anything one way or the other."

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"Makes watching football seem like a high intellectual endeavor"
Or a spiritual experience for some of us who take our football far too seriously…and I have more faith in my hometown Steelers than I do in any of the nutcases running to oust President Obama…

V572 the Merciless December 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Our Tebow, who shalt enter heaven, hallowed by Thy name…Been a long dry spell for Broncos fans.

ShaveTheWhales December 27, 2011 at 12:13 am

Hey, I enjoy watching football. Oh, wait.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Santa's little helpers.

Radiotherapy December 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm

The reason for the season is an upswing in curing the ghey.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Gay guys cannot be cured,what women can compete with all that oral & Anal sex?Oh yeah Michele Bachman.

Mariecohn December 25, 2011 at 10:54 am

SB: you, my friend, are rather new here, are you not? Don't worry-you'll get the hang of it some time soon, if you spend more time reading than blurting.

BarackMyWorld December 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

He's was probably holding the camera.

And by "camera," I mean some dude.

BarackMyWorld December 24, 2011 at 6:28 pm

And by "holding" I meant buttsecks.

chicken_thief December 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Marcus loves to spend Christmas Eve with Santorum!

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

I heard Tim Tebow likes to watch.

Come here a minute December 24, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Nice to see Andy Samberg was available to play "Harrison" and support his "mom" and her "presidential campaign". She's not going to be on the Virginia primary ballot, but no worries — actual votes are not an essential part of the presidential primary campaign grift.

finallyhappy December 24, 2011 at 6:56 pm

yes, he looks like Andy!

mayor_quimby December 25, 2011 at 1:35 am

I saw that and thought Sambrg had photobombed her. sNL is a rerun tonight, after all.

MaxNeanderthal December 24, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The reason for the season is the change in the day length, you cretinous trollop. End of…

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Tell us how you really feel?

MaxNeanderthal December 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I just like to tell religious people how "debate" works.. e.g. I tell them a fact, and they shut the fuck up.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:27 pm

"Cretinous trollop" seems rather mild for this rat-faced, shit-brained, hate-infested, clueless, moronic, pathetic, busybodying, homophobic, gay-stalking, sex-obsessed, neurotic, reality-challenged, leather-lunged, mooing ambulatory fecal ball.

MaxNeanderthal December 24, 2011 at 3:46 pm

You can see Daughter X and Daughter Y on the right thinking "Soon as the bars are open we're outa here, bitch…."

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Smart move!

dogscantlookup December 24, 2011 at 8:58 pm

But where is the rest of the baby-farm?

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Her baby-farm sprog only ever sojourned at the Bachmann residence for a few weeks or less at a time. She made her bux on volume. Also, she ended her baby-farming over a decade ago, although she talks like she has to rush home every day to care for a tribe of two dozen or more.

HempDogbane December 25, 2011 at 11:54 am

But thanks to their fine Minnesota upbringing they don't betray it with glares and stabby looks, unlike those heathen pol-offspring raised across the border in Wisconsin.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Odd that not a one of her spawn looks anything at all like her. Plastic surgery? She was certainly plain as a pancake in her earlier years.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 24, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Marcus Libel!!! He is there, in the closet.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 24, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Where are the other 23 kids?

SheriffRoscoe December 24, 2011 at 4:17 pm

They get the hell out of there soon as they get the chance.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 4:56 pm

They're not 'camera-ready'.

TanzbodenKoenig December 24, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Is that TVspeak for black?

Isyaignert December 24, 2011 at 8:42 pm

In therapy.

dogscantlookup December 24, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Ya beat me to the baby-farm question!

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm

She got out of the baby-farming business over a decade ago, and none of the farmed were with her that long. A couple of weeks, a couple of months.

SheriffRoscoe December 24, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Christ was born on Christmas Day, which was fortunate, because they didn't have to move the date around. December 25, 0000.

not that Dewey December 24, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Jesus was born in the Year of Our Lord 3 or 4, and there was no Year Zero, which is why the Millennium/End of the World was definitely supposed to be in 1996 or 1997 or 2000 or 2001.

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Actually, according to Biblical scholars, Jesus was born in 4 BCE, which is why the Earth started up in 4004 BC, and me and all my evil-lutionary friends celebrated the 6000-year birthday of the Earth in 1996. Or at least that's how we explained that party at the time.

not that Dewey December 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm

See? that makes a lot more sense. No wonder I never got anywhere with my Armageddon Cult.

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 5:42 pm

And actually, there was a Year Zero, but it was in 1962, I guess.

Never seen that movie, gotta go find it. Or maybe I have, but it was so long ago ..

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Yes,that is the story in the Big Book of Jewish lies,and fairytale.(The Bible)

finallyhappy December 24, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Sorry, No Jebus in the Jewish bible

Guppy December 24, 2011 at 6:23 pm

"Jesus was born in the Year of Our Lord 3 or 4,"

For God so loved the world that he made sure that his only begotten Son was born in 1 BC, to make the math easier. Leap years don't have to fall on years divisible by 4!

(Sorry, I seem to be obsessed with calendar systems this time of year.)

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Jesus was a closeted homo.King of kings? More like the queen of Queens.

Guppy December 25, 2011 at 12:33 am

You call John 13:23-25 "closeted?"

JustPixelz December 25, 2011 at 10:22 am

Read Christopher Moore's "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". I found it hysterical.

not that Dewey December 24, 2011 at 11:58 pm

There's no bad time of the year to be obsessed with calendar systems. We only have another 788 years until the Gregorian and Modified Julian Calendars fall out of synchronization, so I hope to hell your obsession has led to some darn good ideas!

Guppy December 25, 2011 at 12:30 am

Meh, Reformed Julian isn't that interesting since they never bothered to implement a system for predicting new moons (Gregorian says lunar 2012 starts Monday).

But we only have 1988 more years to figure out whether or not we want AD 4000 to be a leap year!

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I still think you, me, and pdog should get together and start a religious cult. Rake in the bux. Write some cool science fiction books. Spin off a musical or two. What say, lads?

not that Dewey December 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm

I'm down. We could all move to Fordlandia or Walden Two and worship gears and transistors.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Oh, we'll just worship the money we rake in off the rubes. Kinda like Illuminatus!. Did you know Robert Anton Wilson popped his clogs?

Yeah. Let's take Li'l Suzie and our beloveds and friends and fellow-Wonketeers aboard a giant spaceship and head out for the stars.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Merry Christmas everyone! Lucasandmarcus!

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Fuck Christmas.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm

And Hairy Newt's Ears!

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Michele gave birth to giants compared to her.I wonder who the father is?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Probably a turkey baster.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Born of a mutant spawn. They eat little children while having Gay sex with dad.

Dashboard Buddha December 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

I hear that their milkman was a point guard in the NBA…but that's probably just a coincidence.

Blueb4sunrise December 24, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Right there is the Offensive Line for JeebusTebow!

chicken_thief December 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Those are some rather "healthy" girls. Roll 'em in flour and look for the wet spot….

dogscantlookup December 24, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Or 1l's a fidget, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fi
9. Fidget
Combination of the words female and midget generally referring to one that is sexual promiscuous.
Yo, did you check out that fidget in Total Recall? I'd bang her.

10. fidget
Usually someone who is normal but has a lot of characteristics of a midget. Short Height, huge head & brow, stubby looking sausage fingers, etc.
Yo, what is that? a midget? nah, dude I think it's a fidget. Get off me bitch, you look like a fidget. Hey, who's gonna tell tony his girl is a fidget?

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Tim Tebow is the second coming of Jesus.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Any line from Tebow is an Offensive Line.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Marcus is probably locked in the basement dressed as Fred Astaire.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 24, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I would have guessed Ginger Rogers.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm

True.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm

More likely dressed as Ginger Rodgers.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 7:59 pm

False.

Barrelhse December 26, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Or Jon Benet….oh, I can't.

ThundercatHo December 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Those kids have probably been asking Santa for sane parents every year. One of her kids is actually studying to be a psychiatrist which is hilarious.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Stupid people breed stupid children.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:30 am

Where is Uncle Fester?

Barrelhse December 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm

In general terms, many of the screwiest (not necessarily unlikeable) people I've met in higher education were either Psych or Philosophy majors. Just my personal experience.

tweeksmom January 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

You know what they say about psychiatrists…They're the batshit craziest ones of all….

TanzbodenKoenig December 24, 2011 at 6:34 pm

God I'm glad my parents never embarrassed me this badly and I had to have one of those leashes when I was little.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Kids on a leash are just lazy parenting.

ttommyunger December 24, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Oh he's there, all right. He's bent over behind the hunky kid in the blue windbreaker sniffing his butt and groping himself, guaranteed!

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Marcus was at work.Looks like he will be the only bread winner in the house next year.

ttommyunger December 24, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Marcus at “work”, Marcus as described herein; different location, same activities.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:28 am

Marcus Bachman is in stealth mode.

ttommyunger December 26, 2011 at 7:32 am

Stealth mode: AKA “closeted”.

chicken_thief December 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm

WTF?! Did they mount dead squirrels on the Christmas tree or are the pine cones in MN the size of Chuck Norris's nads?

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Chuck Norris only allows baby Jesus to live!

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:27 am

Sarah Palin sent the dead squirrels.

chascates December 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I saw one Bachamnn ad that had a 'daughter' who stated she was 18 now and would cast her first vote for her mother, "YOU'RE WELCOME" (to mother, somewhere off-camera) and it could well be that small, close families with bizarre backgrounds might be her sole base.

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe, Mitt Romney claims federal employees make more money than he does! http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/romney-… (entire post follows):
Multimillionaire Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney (R) told employees at a steel fabrication plant on Monday that government employees "are making a lot more money than we are."
Wearing his best plaid work shirt and Tommy Bahama blue jeans, the candidate explained to workers at Giese Manufacturing that he would slash the number of federal employees if elected.
"We have to cut back on the scale of the federal government," Romney declared. "And for me that will start by reducing federal employees by 10 percent. You do that through attrition."
"And then something else that is just as important, and that's to make sure the people who work for government don't get better pay and better benefits than people that work in the private sector."
He added: "The tax payers shouldn't have to have money taken out of their pay checks to pay people in government who are our servants who are making a lot more money than we are."
Romney's desire to appear as a regular American has caused him to make a series of gaffes this year.
In June, he told a group of unemployed people in Florida that he was "also unemployed."
Returning to Florida in September, the candidate claimed that he was part of the middleclass.
The former Massachusetts governor has a net worth estimated at up to $250 million.

And you know there are millions of Republicans who sigh *this is the best we have?*!

Mariecohn December 25, 2011 at 11:06 am

"The tax payers shouldn't have to have money taken out of their pay checks to pay people in government who are our servants who are making a lot more money than we are." Um, when he was Gov of MA, didn't he make more than $9.00/hour? Was he like Riordan in LA, who collected $1/year for his services? Seems impossible, but could he be undermisestimating the workers' collective intelligence? Also, too, who among us would want to have a beer with Mittens, even if he could? Blech.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:25 am

Mitt Romney is a Secret Muslim.

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

The thing is, he's worth A LOT MORE than $250 billion, as is now beginning to become apparent. Mr. Romney is a very wealthy shameless liar and panderer. I hope he loses the nomination. It would be too sweet if he did, for everyone (except, of course, Mittens himself, the Mormon church, and the money men of the Republican party).

KenLayIsAlive December 29, 2011 at 2:24 am

Gawd, what a piece of shit.

It takes a titanic asshole to stand in front of a group of workers and tell them that other workers (I mean, "our servants") should get pushed down to their low level.

I hope to Christ they saw through this pathetic charade.

littlebigdaddy December 24, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I have always associated Xmas with unprotected anonymous anal sex. So I say Marcus, may the force be with you.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:24 am

Lots of lube Marcus!

El Pinche December 25, 2011 at 12:45 am

She didn't want to taint it with gay Marcus' five inch taint.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:23 am

Marcus dose not need her he really likes his work.

KarlFischels December 25, 2011 at 2:36 am

Actually, Bachmann's current campaign contributo­rs consist mostly of comedians, scared she will leave the race. Nothing about the rest of the candidates is funny. That is why mostly horror movie writers are backing them.

SaintRond December 25, 2011 at 8:14 am

Great. The girls are cock crazy and the boy loves pussy immensely. I'm voting for Michelle.

Makes sense to me… Does it make sense to you?

tcaalaw December 25, 2011 at 10:58 am

I don't know, The daughter on the right looks pretty tappable to me. My vote can be bought….

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:21 am

FAT girls need love too.

tcaalaw December 26, 2011 at 11:40 pm

What you call "fat," I call more cushion for the pushin'!

Pragmatist2 December 25, 2011 at 10:12 am

Marcus had to "work late" with a gay patient who was particularly slow at "converting" and needed extra help.

Mariecohn December 25, 2011 at 10:48 am

Barb, Barb, Barb! I have long thought that you were here with us in ABQ! I am not the one who is understanding this. Annnyyywaaaay, I have to say that you are my favourite commentitator of 2011. I am so astounded how often you are first to comment. Maybe your name isn't really Barb, but rather KenEisha, and Newt says you would be a good sexton? No jerb? I love you. Like a sister, I mean. There is no Mr Cohn, and there's really no Marie, but if you are the one who is speaking Spanish you will certainly understand maricon.

Smithboy December 25, 2011 at 11:35 am

You have to share this hilarious spoof with your republican friends…
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ab585b5b/the-b

poncho_pilot December 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm

that's awesome.

sbj1964 December 26, 2011 at 12:22 am

Marcus is MIA !! He must have have to work late.

iburl December 26, 2011 at 10:07 am

You try remembering the names of 453,352 children.

DerrickWildcat December 26, 2011 at 10:57 am

The kids look like Boxers.

Barrelhse December 26, 2011 at 10:21 pm

The kids look like Briefs.

user-of-owls December 27, 2011 at 1:31 am
Barrelhse December 26, 2011 at 2:03 pm

What the fuck is up with the antique Harley poster? Is Marcus really Johnny Strabler?

not that Dewey December 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm

And again in 1975, but who's counting?

user-of-owls December 25, 2011 at 1:27 am

Are you asking us to believe you could forget seeing a movie in which the pivotal role of Rich Baldwin was played by FRANKIE AVALON?!!?

Because that just stretches credulity.

NogFilledExistence December 24, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Also in 2007

not that Dewey December 26, 2011 at 9:17 am

That will be the least of our problems. Both calendars may start losing 5 minutes per century versus astronomical time if the leap second is abandoned!

ShaveTheWhales December 27, 2011 at 12:15 am

My credulity is so stretched that it doesn't even retract anymore. Or was that my underwear waistband?

not that Dewey December 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm

"popped his clogs" — is that some kind of sex act?

I like to think of the Tea Party as the IRL equivalent to RAW's "Revolution of Lowered Expectations"

PalinzADummy December 27, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Popping one's clogs? Good Lord, no!

And yes, they certainly are, aren't they? The triumph of the lowest common denominator.

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