Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn’t even know the names of the random “children” she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he’s not even allowed in the family Christmas video. “Don’t forget the reason for the season,” sez Michele … which is marginalizing any gay family members during the holidays.

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  • Barb

    I love that they all put on their coats and scarves to take an indoor photo.
    No Marcus in the photo? What is Christmas without a fruitcake?

  • Should've just gone with "that one." #bookofmccain

  • also, I believe “Don’t forget the reason for the season" is the slogan on the Applebee's gift certificate I got from my boss.

    • V572 the Merciless

      It's also a RW dog whistle: If you don't say Xmas you don't lerve Jebus, and are therefore a terrorist seeking to implement Sharia Law.

      • Guppy

        OK, a homework assignment for those who have less to do with their lives than I do: find these candidates' Easter videos, if they exist.

    • Jeebus is good in the neighborhood… Tender and mild!

      • yyyaz

        I heard xmas was cancelled this year cuz one of the donkeys ate baby jeebus.

      • Only if properly marinated in a lightly acidic citrus juice before grilling.

  • HelmutNewton

    The reason for the season? To engage in a contest of forced feel-good attitudes and to clear year-end inventory off of store shelves?

    • V572 the Merciless

      Right this moment on CNN: "The Mystery of Jesus: Researchers pursue scientific answers to questions about Jesus Christ." This is an important lesson in how science works: you decide the results you want ("Jeebus is for realz!") and then devise experiments to "prove" it. Makes watching football seem like a high intellectual endeavor.

      • HistoriCat

        Well, you can waste your time trying to get funding for real research … or you can take the easy money from the Jesus crowd and give them a 7000 word results summary which means "there's no way to prove anything one way or the other."

      • Callyson

        "Makes watching football seem like a high intellectual endeavor"
        Or a spiritual experience for some of us who take our football far too seriously…and I have more faith in my hometown Steelers than I do in any of the nutcases running to oust President Obama…

        • V572 the Merciless

          Our Tebow, who shalt enter heaven, hallowed by Thy name…Been a long dry spell for Broncos fans.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Hey, I enjoy watching football. Oh, wait.

    • sbj1964

      Santa's little helpers.

  • Radiotherapy

    The reason for the season is an upswing in curing the ghey.

    • sbj1964

      Gay guys cannot be cured,what women can compete with all that oral & Anal sex?Oh yeah Michele Bachman.

      • Mariecohn

        SB: you, my friend, are rather new here, are you not? Don't worry-you'll get the hang of it some time soon, if you spend more time reading than blurting.

  • BarackMyWorld

    He's was probably holding the camera.

    And by "camera," I mean some dude.

    • BarackMyWorld

      And by "holding" I meant buttsecks.

      • chicken_thief

        Marcus loves to spend Christmas Eve with Santorum!

        • sbj1964

          I heard Tim Tebow likes to watch.

  • Come here a minute

    Nice to see Andy Samberg was available to play "Harrison" and support his "mom" and her "presidential campaign". She's not going to be on the Virginia primary ballot, but no worries — actual votes are not an essential part of the presidential primary campaign grift.

    • finallyhappy

      yes, he looks like Andy!

    • mayor_quimby

      I saw that and thought Sambrg had photobombed her. sNL is a rerun tonight, after all.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    The reason for the season is the change in the day length, you cretinous trollop. End of…

    • sbj1964

      Tell us how you really feel?

      • MaxNeanderthal

        I just like to tell religious people how "debate" works.. e.g. I tell them a fact, and they shut the fuck up.

    • "Cretinous trollop" seems rather mild for this rat-faced, shit-brained, hate-infested, clueless, moronic, pathetic, busybodying, homophobic, gay-stalking, sex-obsessed, neurotic, reality-challenged, leather-lunged, mooing ambulatory fecal ball.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    You can see Daughter X and Daughter Y on the right thinking "Soon as the bars are open we're outa here, bitch…."

    • sbj1964

      Smart move!

    • dogscantlookup

      But where is the rest of the baby-farm?

      • Her baby-farm sprog only ever sojourned at the Bachmann residence for a few weeks or less at a time. She made her bux on volume. Also, she ended her baby-farming over a decade ago, although she talks like she has to rush home every day to care for a tribe of two dozen or more.

    • HempDogbane

      But thanks to their fine Minnesota upbringing they don't betray it with glares and stabby looks, unlike those heathen pol-offspring raised across the border in Wisconsin.

    • Odd that not a one of her spawn looks anything at all like her. Plastic surgery? She was certainly plain as a pancake in her earlier years.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Marcus Libel!!! He is there, in the closet.

  • Where are the other 23 kids?

    • SheriffRoscoe

      They get the hell out of there soon as they get the chance.

    • They're not 'camera-ready'.

    • Isyaignert

      In therapy.

    • dogscantlookup

      Ya beat me to the baby-farm question!

    • She got out of the baby-farming business over a decade ago, and none of the farmed were with her that long. A couple of weeks, a couple of months.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Christ was born on Christmas Day, which was fortunate, because they didn't have to move the date around. December 25, 0000.

    • not that Dewey

      Jesus was born in the Year of Our Lord 3 or 4, and there was no Year Zero, which is why the Millennium/End of the World was definitely supposed to be in 1996 or 1997 or 2000 or 2001.

      • flamingpdog

        Actually, according to Biblical scholars, Jesus was born in 4 BCE, which is why the Earth started up in 4004 BC, and me and all my evil-lutionary friends celebrated the 6000-year birthday of the Earth in 1996. Or at least that's how we explained that party at the time.

        • not that Dewey

          See? that makes a lot more sense. No wonder I never got anywhere with my Armageddon Cult.

          • flamingpdog

            And actually, there was a Year Zero, but it was in 1962, I guess.

            Never seen that movie, gotta go find it. Or maybe I have, but it was so long ago ..

          • not that Dewey

            And again in 1975, but who's counting?

          • Also in 2007

          • user-of-owls

            Are you asking us to believe you could forget seeing a movie in which the pivotal role of Rich Baldwin was played by FRANKIE AVALON?!!?

            Because that just stretches credulity.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            My credulity is so stretched that it doesn't even retract anymore. Or was that my underwear waistband?

        • sbj1964

          Yes,that is the story in the Big Book of Jewish lies,and fairytale.(The Bible)

          • finallyhappy

            Sorry, No Jebus in the Jewish bible

      • Guppy

        "Jesus was born in the Year of Our Lord 3 or 4,"

        For God so loved the world that he made sure that his only begotten Son was born in 1 BC, to make the math easier. Leap years don't have to fall on years divisible by 4!

        (Sorry, I seem to be obsessed with calendar systems this time of year.)

        • sbj1964

          Jesus was a closeted homo.King of kings? More like the queen of Queens.

        • not that Dewey

          There's no bad time of the year to be obsessed with calendar systems. We only have another 788 years until the Gregorian and Modified Julian Calendars fall out of synchronization, so I hope to hell your obsession has led to some darn good ideas!

          • Guppy

            Meh, Reformed Julian isn't that interesting since they never bothered to implement a system for predicting new moons (Gregorian says lunar 2012 starts Monday).

            But we only have 1988 more years to figure out whether or not we want AD 4000 to be a leap year!

          • not that Dewey

            That will be the least of our problems. Both calendars may start losing 5 minutes per century versus astronomical time if the leap second is abandoned!

      • I still think you, me, and pdog should get together and start a religious cult. Rake in the bux. Write some cool science fiction books. Spin off a musical or two. What say, lads?

        • not that Dewey

          I'm down. We could all move to Fordlandia or Walden Two and worship gears and transistors.

          • Oh, we'll just worship the money we rake in off the rubes. Kinda like Illuminatus!. Did you know Robert Anton Wilson popped his clogs?

            Yeah. Let's take Li'l Suzie and our beloveds and friends and fellow-Wonketeers aboard a giant spaceship and head out for the stars.

          • not that Dewey

            "popped his clogs" — is that some kind of sex act?

            I like to think of the Tea Party as the IRL equivalent to RAW's "Revolution of Lowered Expectations"

          • Popping one's clogs? Good Lord, no!

            And yes, they certainly are, aren't they? The triumph of the lowest common denominator.

  • Merry Christmas everyone! Lucasandmarcus!

    • sbj1964

      Fuck Christmas.

    • And Hairy Newt's Ears!

  • sbj1964

    Michele gave birth to giants compared to her.I wonder who the father is?

    • Probably a turkey baster.

      • sbj1964

        Born of a mutant spawn. They eat little children while having Gay sex with dad.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I hear that their milkman was a point guard in the NBA…but that's probably just a coincidence.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Right there is the Offensive Line for JeebusTebow!

    • chicken_thief

      Those are some rather "healthy" girls. Roll 'em in flour and look for the wet spot….

      • dogscantlookup

        Or 1l's a fidget,
        9. Fidget
        Combination of the words female and midget generally referring to one that is sexual promiscuous.
        Yo, did you check out that fidget in Total Recall? I'd bang her.

        10. fidget
        Usually someone who is normal but has a lot of characteristics of a midget. Short Height, huge head & brow, stubby looking sausage fingers, etc.
        Yo, what is that? a midget? nah, dude I think it's a fidget. Get off me bitch, you look like a fidget. Hey, who's gonna tell tony his girl is a fidget?

    • sbj1964

      Tim Tebow is the second coming of Jesus.

    • Any line from Tebow is an Offensive Line.

  • Marcus is probably locked in the basement dressed as Fred Astaire.

  • ThundercatHo

    Those kids have probably been asking Santa for sane parents every year. One of her kids is actually studying to be a psychiatrist which is hilarious.

    • sbj1964

      Stupid people breed stupid children.

    • sbj1964

      Where is Uncle Fester?

    • Barrelhse

      In general terms, many of the screwiest (not necessarily unlikeable) people I've met in higher education were either Psych or Philosophy majors. Just my personal experience.

    • tweeksmom

      You know what they say about psychiatrists…They're the batshit craziest ones of all….

  • God I'm glad my parents never embarrassed me this badly and I had to have one of those leashes when I was little.

    • sbj1964

      Kids on a leash are just lazy parenting.

  • ttommyunger

    Oh he's there, all right. He's bent over behind the hunky kid in the blue windbreaker sniffing his butt and groping himself, guaranteed!

    • sbj1964

      Marcus was at work.Looks like he will be the only bread winner in the house next year.

      • ttommyunger

        Marcus at “work”, Marcus as described herein; different location, same activities.

        • sbj1964

          Marcus Bachman is in stealth mode.

          • ttommyunger

            Stealth mode: AKA “closeted”.

  • chicken_thief

    WTF?! Did they mount dead squirrels on the Christmas tree or are the pine cones in MN the size of Chuck Norris's nads?

    • sbj1964

      Chuck Norris only allows baby Jesus to live!

    • sbj1964

      Sarah Palin sent the dead squirrels.

  • chascates

    I saw one Bachamnn ad that had a 'daughter' who stated she was 18 now and would cast her first vote for her mother, "YOU'RE WELCOME" (to mother, somewhere off-camera) and it could well be that small, close families with bizarre backgrounds might be her sole base.

    Meanwhile, in an alternate universe, Mitt Romney claims federal employees make more money than he does!… (entire post follows):
    Multimillionaire Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney (R) told employees at a steel fabrication plant on Monday that government employees "are making a lot more money than we are."
    Wearing his best plaid work shirt and Tommy Bahama blue jeans, the candidate explained to workers at Giese Manufacturing that he would slash the number of federal employees if elected.
    "We have to cut back on the scale of the federal government," Romney declared. "And for me that will start by reducing federal employees by 10 percent. You do that through attrition."
    "And then something else that is just as important, and that's to make sure the people who work for government don't get better pay and better benefits than people that work in the private sector."
    He added: "The tax payers shouldn't have to have money taken out of their pay checks to pay people in government who are our servants who are making a lot more money than we are."
    Romney's desire to appear as a regular American has caused him to make a series of gaffes this year.
    In June, he told a group of unemployed people in Florida that he was "also unemployed."
    Returning to Florida in September, the candidate claimed that he was part of the middleclass.
    The former Massachusetts governor has a net worth estimated at up to $250 million.

    And you know there are millions of Republicans who sigh *this is the best we have?*!

    • Mariecohn

      "The tax payers shouldn't have to have money taken out of their pay checks to pay people in government who are our servants who are making a lot more money than we are." Um, when he was Gov of MA, didn't he make more than $9.00/hour? Was he like Riordan in LA, who collected $1/year for his services? Seems impossible, but could he be undermisestimating the workers' collective intelligence? Also, too, who among us would want to have a beer with Mittens, even if he could? Blech.

    • sbj1964

      Mitt Romney is a Secret Muslim.

    • The thing is, he's worth A LOT MORE than $250 billion, as is now beginning to become apparent. Mr. Romney is a very wealthy shameless liar and panderer. I hope he loses the nomination. It would be too sweet if he did, for everyone (except, of course, Mittens himself, the Mormon church, and the money men of the Republican party).

    • Gawd, what a piece of shit.

      It takes a titanic asshole to stand in front of a group of workers and tell them that other workers (I mean, "our servants") should get pushed down to their low level.

      I hope to Christ they saw through this pathetic charade.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I have always associated Xmas with unprotected anonymous anal sex. So I say Marcus, may the force be with you.

    • sbj1964

      Lots of lube Marcus!

  • El Pinche

    She didn't want to taint it with gay Marcus' five inch taint.

    • sbj1964

      Marcus dose not need her he really likes his work.

  • Actually, Bachmann's current campaign contributo­rs consist mostly of comedians, scared she will leave the race. Nothing about the rest of the candidates is funny. That is why mostly horror movie writers are backing them.

  • SaintRond

    Great. The girls are cock crazy and the boy loves pussy immensely. I'm voting for Michelle.

    Makes sense to me… Does it make sense to you?

    • tcaalaw

      I don't know, The daughter on the right looks pretty tappable to me. My vote can be bought….

      • sbj1964

        FAT girls need love too.

        • tcaalaw

          What you call "fat," I call more cushion for the pushin'!

  • Pragmatist2

    Marcus had to "work late" with a gay patient who was particularly slow at "converting" and needed extra help.

  • Mariecohn

    Barb, Barb, Barb! I have long thought that you were here with us in ABQ! I am not the one who is understanding this. Annnyyywaaaay, I have to say that you are my favourite commentitator of 2011. I am so astounded how often you are first to comment. Maybe your name isn't really Barb, but rather KenEisha, and Newt says you would be a good sexton? No jerb? I love you. Like a sister, I mean. There is no Mr Cohn, and there's really no Marie, but if you are the one who is speaking Spanish you will certainly understand maricon.

  • Smithboy

    You have to share this hilarious spoof with your republican friends…

    • poncho_pilot

      that's awesome.

  • sbj1964

    Marcus is MIA !! He must have have to work late.

  • iburl

    You try remembering the names of 453,352 children.

  • The kids look like Boxers.

    • Barrelhse

      The kids look like Briefs.

    • user-of-owls
  • Barrelhse

    What the fuck is up with the antique Harley poster? Is Marcus really Johnny Strabler?

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