IT GETS BETTER  1:34 pm December 24, 2011

Homophobic Anti-Robot Bachmann Thugs Bully Gay Iowa Robot

by Wonkette Jr.

Another bad day for Strong Sad.It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has anyone seen Marcus Bachmann lately?

In many ways, this is the precious story of Christmas all over again: The sad outsider only wants shelter from the Iowa cold, and also to heckle a demon (Michele Bachmann), but there’s “no room at the sports bar” for this mother of god:

Here’s some more heartwarming Gay Iowa Robot video, from outside the manger:

Hark the herald angels sing, glory to our robot king, peace on Earth, good will towards gays, God gave Marcus Bachmann AIDS. [NY Daily News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 132 comments }

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

imagine the vitriol if he was a Gay Robot Soldier.

Guppy December 24, 2011 at 6:09 pm

If the drone the Iranians captured turned out to be gay, would they stone it?

Walkinwiddaking December 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I vision a wide-eyed Michelle Bachman thanking the Gay Robot Soldier for their servicing her husband.

memzilla December 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Dear Crazy Eyes Supporters:

You only out yourselves when you make Hatred your Number One campaign tactic.

And to Ol' Crazy Eyes herself: you wanna run a campaign based on hatred and disunion, go campaign in Uganda or Zimbabwe or North Korea or Somalia, someplace where you can have all the AK-47-mandated power you crave.

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Not just one L but most of the GOP candidates. Paul, Perry, Gingrich–they all seem to think that if they became Prez, they could do whatever the fuck they want, which is exactly how dictators think.

OneDollarJuana December 24, 2011 at 6:54 pm

And act, if the last prez was any example.

Barb December 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Don we now our gay apparel. Yes, I am talking to you Marcus.

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Which insane legislator or legislature wanted an exemption from an anti-bullying law if their religion required them beat up homos?

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Michigan.

also, these people.

and bullies.

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Seems fair. The Michigan legislature should definitely spend its time deciding how to legalize bullying instead of trying to create jobs, help Detroit, or clean up past environmental messes. It's a matter of priorities.

bumfug December 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Wait a minute – isn't beating up homos part of Sharia Law?

Spurning Beer December 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Male anal rape is an accepted military strategy to humiliate enemies, but it is Sharia case law, not statutory law.

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 1:59 am

Well, Michigan is under Sharia Law, after all, according to the wingnuts (and The Simpsons), so it all makes so much sense, now, on (false) context

Guppy December 24, 2011 at 6:10 pm

All of them, Katie.

Pragmatist2 December 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm

What would they do if he was dressed in swaddling clothes?

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 2:09 pm

They would have welcomed him with open arms if he had been wearing a diaper at a rally in Louisiana.

MzNicky December 24, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Geminisunmars December 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Jaysuss – I've seen that every year for some years now, and I'm always taken unawares by the endiing.

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I was not expecting that ending. Keep that one around for Easter.

Isyaignert December 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Like one of the comments on YouTube said – "Don't worry, he'll be okay in a couple of days."

Isyaignert December 24, 2011 at 8:53 pm

You are so going to h3ll for that one! I'll see ya down there as I shared it with my friends. LOL!!

BelleSC December 25, 2011 at 8:33 am

Never saw that coming. Thanks.

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Gay Jesus FTW!

ChernobylSoup December 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Forget the Gospel of Luke. This is what my family's reading tonight.

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

What, no love for The Angel Makers book advertised on the side here? With this plot?
With their men at war, the women of a small village discover a freedom they'll hold onto at any cost
Someone send a copy to Shelly, stat…

valgal2342 December 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Why didn't Marcus jump in and try to reprogram the homobot?

Meanwhile, somewhere far from Alpha Centauri, Will Robinson weeps.

GlowneyHouse December 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I'm sure Dr. Smith knew all about programming gay robots… or being programmed by them.

a_pink_poodle December 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Pak chooie unf?

AlterNewt December 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

You know who else…? No…never mind.

So…Merry Christmas!

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 1:57 pm

great news for john mccain?

weejee December 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm

all of them Katie She1ey

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I'll take "buttsechs" for 200 dollars, Marcus Alex.

HogeyeGrex December 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Sister Mary Elizabeth? Is that you?

SexySmurf December 24, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I know this isn't a popular thing to say, but I believe robots are unnatural. Sorry, it was just the way I was raised.

natoslug December 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I don't believe that robot was really gay. With that body shape, the Gay Iowa Robot should've been wearing flannel and a beard.

Gratuitous World December 24, 2011 at 2:31 pm

What's next? Robots marrying their pets?

Geminisunmars December 24, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Robots ba-doink-a-doinking their pets.

Chichikovovich December 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I think that's very narrow minded of you. We should be accepting of those among us who happen to be robots, so long as they never act on their robosexual desires.

tessiee December 24, 2011 at 6:09 pm

"their robosexual desires"

It's one thing to be roBosexual, and quite another to be roMosexual.
But that's just the way Robot Jesus programmed them.

Chichikovovich December 24, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Romosexual? Is that where you make sexytime with the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys?
(As in: "Jessica Simpson used to be a romosexual, but then she dumped him. Or he dumped her. Whatever – some dumping took place.")

DaRooster December 27, 2011 at 10:47 am

For Romo… the dumping takes place on the field.

cheetojeebus December 24, 2011 at 2:03 pm

This Christmas we are all sleek metallic fellas with a desire to be accepted, and also a desire to be neat and tidy. god bless us each and everyone.

NorthStarSpanx December 24, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Here's wishing you 100p by New Years cheetojeebus.

cheetojeebus December 24, 2011 at 9:23 pm

slank you berry mush <hick>

weejee December 24, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Happy Newtonmas to all.

♪♫ We three quarks fine particles are
Bearing charm we travel afar
Fields and forces, spin of course is
Multiplied by h-bar

Oh, quarks are wondrous, quarks are light
Quarks have colors, clear and bright
Still misleading, still exceeding
All the physicists' insight ♫♪

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Okay, but if physicists are calling the Higgs-Boson "the God Particle," that proves doG exists and it's okay to hate gays.

weejee December 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm

'Scusies, but the sciguy writer Leon Lederman wanted to call his book about the Higgs the Goddamn Particle 'cause they couldn't find the goddamn thing. His editor, however, said no. Ergogo, from a science paradigm:
♀♂ = ♀♀ = ♂♂ = solo fapping

So a very festive spiritual, scientific, or secular Merry XmasHanukkahKwanzaaAshuraNewtonmas to all

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:49 pm

That verse contains much strangeness.

weejee December 24, 2011 at 5:54 pm

But it has charm

Dashboard Buddha December 24, 2011 at 8:51 pm

and many flavors

ShaveTheWhales December 27, 2011 at 12:09 am

And, seriously, Truth is Beauty (or is it the other way round?)

finallyhappy December 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Not that I care about Andrew Sulllivan but just saw the article where he retracted his support of Paul-still not agreeing he is a racist but sort of saying he is responsible for the newsletters. Next week, I expect Sullivan to say Paull is a racist.

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 4:01 pm

At least Sully was right about the Iraq W…no, wait….

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm

With that outfit? I don't know if they were unhappy that he was a gay robot or a gay porn robot.

Geminisunmars December 24, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I thought they were unhappy that he was a poorly attired gay robot – isn't that some sort of oxymoron?

Spurning Beer December 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm

The robot's gay porn name is Rod Piston.

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm

And what the virgin mother fucking hell is Che1y doing campaigning on the eve of the birfday of her LORD AND SAVIOR™???? Maybe that's really Robot Bachmann there?

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm

She already is a robot.

ThundercatHo December 24, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Y'all are just lucky that he didn't come to your fucking "event" with a glitter bomb strapped to his chest. Way to celebrate the love and tolerance of your savior. Assholes.

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Secretly, Marcus would have loved the glitter bomb. After it went off, he'd start dancing in the rain of glitter.

Spurning Beer December 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Slightly OT, did you see Mitt's snide wisecrack to a reporter who asked what he would wish for President Obama? "A permanent vacation," he quipped.

Imagine any reporter you want asking Barack the same question. See if you can imagine him being nasty and petty like that.

Call Barack morally weak or spineless, but he is a gentleman. Unlike these Christian wannabes.

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I haz teh agreeez.

BelleSC December 25, 2011 at 8:38 am

Upfists to the nth degree for you.

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I agree, Mitt…the President deserves a permanent vacation from obstructionist Republicans.
What a jerk…I wish his dog would bite him in the ass.

Spurning Beer December 25, 2011 at 1:54 pm

And then force-feed him Kaopectate and tie him onto the roof of the LandRover.

Chillwaver December 24, 2011 at 2:27 pm

You know you else is a "Gay Robot"?

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Rosie?

Didn't they keep her in a closet when she wasn't working?

SexySmurf December 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm

C-3PO?

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm

C-3PO was the anglophile gay robot while R2D2 was the gay bear robot.

Jukesgrrl December 25, 2011 at 2:35 am

Tom Cruise?

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Well, Happy Darwinmus to all 15 or so Wonketeers so far that haz nothing better to do on this day than lurk or just happen to get lucky and log onto teh Wonkette around the time a new post comes up on the board. Hopefully by the time I finish writing this I won't face the embarassment of three consecutive comments, but I just had to tell you I luvs ya all, ya keep me from getting too cranky and punchy holes in my refrigerator box when the stoopid gets almost too much to bear, and I hope you all live to be a hundred (and for some of us, that isn't all that far off).

I'd post some hilarious Darwinus poetry, but I have only scienterrific talents, not the poetic kind. (I actually got through college without taking a single English course because I was able to opt out because of my English Advanced Placement scores.) And to those of you who don't worship Chas Darwin or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, sincere wishes for a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Wonderful Winter Solstice, Kwality Kwanzaa, or the celebration of whatever imaginary friend you bow down to.

One_Man_Band December 24, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I'm at my parents for the weekend BUT THEY HAVE WIRELESS NOW.

I brought my laptop.

Best Christmas ever.

Geminisunmars December 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Wonkette is how I procrastinate. Thank g-ddess there was a new post. And thank you for your comment, FlamingP. Wonketteers have helped me laugh at this bizarro world many a time. Now I'd better go get those walks shoveled before the phambly starts arriving. (Just kidding – let them struggle through the drifts if they want their frigging presents.) And merry Krishnamas to all, and to all lots of light.

Jukesgrrl December 25, 2011 at 2:38 am

Cheers, Pdog. I bow to you (and my pretend husband Bernie Sanders among a few others).

V572 the Merciless December 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Well, the Italian relatives are visiting. They're delightful but we share no common language, so here I am at my place, giving the GF a respite from endless simultaneous translation. Season's greetings to all!

Negropolis December 27, 2011 at 2:02 am

They're delightful but we share no common language…

Sounds like the perfect relatives.

V572 the Merciless December 27, 2011 at 10:40 am

Ha! So true…I only have to hear how great a leader Berusconi was in translation.

HistoriCat December 24, 2011 at 4:14 pm

We luvs ya too pdog!

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

We finished with shopping today (we ran over only one old lady with our shopping cart this year). The tree is still naked because the cat has been fucking with it since we put it up, so we were just seeing what damage she'd do to it first. Finally decided: Fuck it, we'll just put the lights on it but not the ornaments (we have a shitload of ornaments).

Having over three orphans for dinner tomorrow. One's a Brit with a wicked sense of humor so I can't wait to ask her her opinions about…well, hell…anything. The wine will be plenty. So I'm looking forward to the goose & my post-dinner black out. Monday morning, I'll wake up, once again, to the living nightmare that's now America.
Happy Whatever, everyone!

Isyaignert December 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Right back at 'cha FDP!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 24, 2011 at 10:32 pm

happy FSMmas to all!

BelleSC December 25, 2011 at 8:44 am

It is by the noodly appendage I set my course, not the boring compass.

Make it a Wonkeglorious day…..

One_Man_Band December 24, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Can't we have another post about Ron Paul and his racist newsletters? It's so much fun seeing members of the reEVOLution get all pissed off.

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

These days, it's the best part of going to HuffyPo. They do get themselves worked up, don't they? Hee hee hee…

coolhandnuke December 24, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Mr. Marcus Roboto

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive-just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

MzNicky December 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!

DerrickWildcat December 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I am thinking that if you can pray away the gay that you should probably be able to pray in the gay.

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I've tried praying in the gay into certain individuals who caught my fancy. It only works about one third of the time.

mavenmaven December 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Bachmann will solve all our robot and electronics issues by declaring war on China and their ameros.

MzNicky December 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm

O/T, but the Newtster failed to qualify for the Virginia super-Tuesday primary. So did Rick Perry. Not enough signatures on the petitions to qualify, haw haw haw! Newt blames "the system." Face it, Salamander, they're just not that into you.

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Newt: "It's a failed system."
Commonwealth of VA: "Fuck you, Newt."
Yeah, blame "the system" when you aren't popular in one of the most conservative states even among your own party, you fucknut.

Radiotherapy December 24, 2011 at 2:56 pm

A gay Santa would have been so much funnier.

JustPixelz December 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Or gay Jesus — thirty years old, unmarried, mother issues. Of course that crowd would have boo'ed him too. Also crucified him.

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 3:20 pm

You left out the twelve Boyfriends.

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:54 pm

And all that socialist "love thy neighbor" shit.

Note: the bible does not say "love thy neighbor only if he is a rich, white, straight christian middle aged male, all others can fuck off ", now does it?

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 4:58 pm

So, are you sayin' that Mary Magdalene was just his lesbionic buddy woman?

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:43 pm

A gay Santa is a redundancy.

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Merry Christmas!
Funny Gay Santa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIyo-7jQtA8

BarackMyWorld December 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Sometimes gay robots aren't even accept by other robots (especially Romneybots).

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Gay robots–just like gays in the Republican Party.

JustPixelz December 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I'm not sure the robot is really gay. Did any one check his/her I/O ports? (ha ha) Did they see if he/she uses Unix? How are the male and female adapters aligned?

sbj1964 December 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Gay Robots are they made that way,or is it a programming choice?

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Programming choice…just ask those who program the televangelist bots.

chicken_thief December 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm

I'm not sure, but according to baby doctor Ron, the black ones can run really fast. Even in heels.

Thedongsofwar December 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm

"I don't want people to think we are robosexuals"

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I love robosexuals…they are ALWAYS hard.

Spurning Beer December 24, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Yeah. It's the firmware that does the trick. And the hard disks.

Dashboard Buddha December 24, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I understand they're going to start loading Windows 7 in these. (NSFW)

owhatever December 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Brief skirmish in the War on Christmas. No wise men or women were harmed in the making of this video, because none were there.

weejee December 24, 2011 at 4:40 pm

When R2D2 is doing all that frenetic beeping is s/he fapping?

flamingpdog December 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm

No, he's doing R2DooDoo.

Loaded_Pants December 24, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Droid toids?

Numbat_Dundee December 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I was wondering what the connection between robots and gays was. Then I realised – the importance of lubrication. I wonder if the lard on a Bachmann supporter, if rendered efficiently, could serve?

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Dude, that's intense. (hilarious).

Dashboard Buddha December 24, 2011 at 8:48 pm

It would…but would you really want that on your dick?

starfanglednut December 24, 2011 at 5:57 pm

That gay robot better be careful. Those rednecks'll gough his eyes out.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 24, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Gay robot is my new hero.

ttommyunger December 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Stocky grinning Bachmann supporter telling Gay Robot to "Just leave!". Gay Robot heard to reply, "I'm trying to, but you'll have to let go of my dick!".

Negligently_Joe December 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

So, for those of you following the political clownshow, because you need a bit of misanthropy this Christmas, apparently both Perry and Gingrich have been disqualfiied from Virginia's primary, for not having enough signatures, on account of being too amateur-hour to observe the "submit at least 150% of the required signatures, since some will be thrown out" rule of thumb.

Gingrich's campaign director has furiously attacked Virginia's ballot rules, because it's obviously Virginia's fault, and not Gingrich's amateurish campaign, and has promised to conduct a write-in campaign. Oh, and also, Virginia state law prohibits write-in candidates in primaries. Which is probably something a "campaign director" should be aware of, I think.

Beowoof December 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Klaatu Varada Nictou

BaldarTFlagass December 24, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Robots are people, my friend.

chascates December 24, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Gayz? Different and scary.
Robotz? Different and scary.
Coloredz? Different and scary.
Foreignz? Different and scary.

Present day existence and the future? Different and scary.

MosesInvests December 24, 2011 at 10:56 pm

ALL HAIL THE CYBER KING! (just wanted to get a Dr. Who reference in there). Happy/Merry Whatever, everyone!

iburl December 24, 2011 at 11:31 pm

I did not know Iowans could make a robot from corn.

Cheneysleftnut December 25, 2011 at 12:36 am

Q:What did the gay robot want for Christmas?

A: The new Buns of Steel dvd.

wrdof December 25, 2011 at 3:34 am

I'm wishing I didn't even click on this. If you people? think you're helping the gay cause, I don't think so. No wonder people are so against them–if they weren't before. This is the most disgusting stuff. Keep on laughing because someday the laughing will stop.

freddymcmurray December 25, 2011 at 6:30 am

domo arigato, mr. roboto. job well done.

i'm kilroy.

AlterNewt December 25, 2011 at 11:23 am

Why isn't the Media talking about the glitter shortage? WHY?!

Callyson December 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

They're scared that they'll get hit by the next G – bomb. A very real possibility for some of them, and by some of them I mean the FOX news contingent…

Smithboy December 25, 2011 at 11:37 am

For Christmas cheer you have to watch this Funny or Die spoof of the Bachmanns.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ab585b5b/the-b

demoncat4 December 25, 2011 at 12:08 pm

guess to Michele even robots better be straight or she will want to try and save them and cure them from what nature and god intended them to be sexualy

blahblahblah911 December 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I thought religion was supposed to fill your heart with love and tolerance, not hate and ignorance (Isn't that the devil fills you with?).

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