REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  6:12 pm December 22, 2011

Gays Sorry For Causing Straight MN GOP Senator To Cheat on Her Husband

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

It's like K-Lo has a long-lost sister!

Oh, here’s a tragedy: Minnesota’s (now former) Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch had been working so hard on a constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage in her state, but ALAS, the amendment couldn’t be approved in time to keep her own straight marriage safe from harm — she resigned her Senate leadership post last week after being caught having an affair with a male staffer. Minnesota’s homos feel just terrible about all of these problems she is having as a straight married lady, on their account, so they have kindly decided to apologize, aww.

From the open letter written by Minneapolis gay rights activist John Medeiros:

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Okay, now HURRY UP Minnesota and make sure that constitutional amendment is approved before any more Senate Republicans are forced to cheat on their spouses. [City Pages]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 416 comments }

MittsHairHelmet December 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Is she cross eyed?

Barb December 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

She's Koch-eyed.

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Oh, out of the freaking park. You owe MittsHairHelmet five bucks for that set-up, Barb.

Barb December 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I love Mitt, do you have his Pay Pal addy? Do you know if he takes post dated checks?

MittsHairHelmet December 24, 2011 at 1:29 am

I accept all major credit cards, pre- and post-dated checks, and chicken bartering.

AlterNewt December 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Oh God, Barb. OH God oh God oh God!

I mean….that was really funny.

Barb December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Thanks Honey!

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:52 am

I came, too.

Steverino247 December 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

No, she's looking at her lover's erection a bit too closely these days.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm

A nice Festivus wish for all of us.

LowProfileinGA December 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Perhaps, but certainly she did not keep her legs crossed.

Toomush_Infer December 22, 2011 at 6:44 pm

or her teabags dotted….

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Walker Syndrome.

Terry December 22, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Anyone seen a photo of the male staffer?

I predict that he's white, has that standard white male haircut (parted on the side), has a greasy complexion, and is significantly overweight but his mother insists that it's just "baby fat".

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 6:50 pm

It's Chris Christie??!? ZOMG.

Guppy December 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

WTF!? I swear it wasn't me!

FNMA December 23, 2011 at 7:55 am

Nah. He's just big-boned.
Just offering another one for Barb to smack over the wall.

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:53 am

So, does that mean she is a size queen?

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm

German cross-eyed.

Lascauxcaveman December 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Yeah, she's cross-eyed. And that's just about her best feature.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:04 am

Aren't they all?

johnnyzhivago December 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Next thing you know, she runs away with another woman and blames her college professors from 20 years ago.

Jukesgrrl December 22, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Oh, snap.

iburl December 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Koch sister likes koch-gobbling. Very nice letter.

Limeylizzie December 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

She is now.

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Really, old thing, I would've said she was very much not NOW. Then again, I have a peen so what do I know.

Limeylizzie December 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I was thinking from all the fucking.

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm

And I was thinking, well, something else.

sbj1964 December 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Republicans,The Family Morals ,and values party?

Beowoof December 22, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Next thing you know one of them will be caught buying gay porn in Canada with the city credit card. Oh wait.

DaRooster December 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm

DOH!

miss_grundy December 23, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Yep, the GOP is Hypocrisy Are Us! This kind of thing just makes me tired but we need to point out the hypocrisy of these creatures to the idiots who like to vote for them.

finallyhappy December 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

She also blames Al Franken because his pro-same sex marriage stance confused her.

snackypants December 22, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Or Larry Craig because his wide stance was also confusing.

Beetagger December 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Looks like an over-inflated Palin doll.

OzoneTom December 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm

That happened to me on an airline flight once.

She was mighty tight though.

tessiee December 24, 2011 at 11:51 am

"an over-inflated Palin doll"

i.e., Bristol.

zappadoo76 December 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Catty gays!

johnnyzhivago December 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Odd, most FEMALE GOP family value sex offenders tend to be former gym coaches who prayed on little girls.

JustPixelz December 22, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Prayed and preyed.

Biff December 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

It's proper to say grace before eating, JP.

Lascauxcaveman December 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

A minister is taking a walk in the woods one day and comes across a hungry, slavering bear. As the bear approaches, the Minister knows his only chance of survival is prayer, so he flings his hands up towards the heavens, and shouts,

"OH LORD, please convert brother bear here to the loving grace of Christianity so that I may live to preach your one true Gospel another day!"

All of the sudden the bear drops to his knees and folds his paws in a praying position. Elated, the minister starts screaming, "Oh Thank you Lord, Oh thank you!"

The bear looks up annoyed and says, "Do you mind not being so noisy? I'm trying to say grace here."

Swampgas_Man December 22, 2011 at 9:40 pm

"Lord, if you don't help me, for Chrissakes don't help this bear!"

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

LOL!

Steverino247 December 22, 2011 at 6:17 pm

No matter how hard to you try to suppress sex, it just keeps spurting out when you least expect it.

And that was a lovely letter of apology. Republicans, take notice!

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:54 am

Love comes in spurts.

GOPCrusher December 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Wasn't that a 10CC song?

prommie December 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I think it was Poco.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm

It was Brian Eno, "Here Come the Warm Jets".

memzilla December 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Did I read that right? She was forced to sign that legislation because that male staffer of hers held a WHAT to her head???

HistoriCat December 22, 2011 at 9:21 pm

This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun.

gurukalehuru December 23, 2011 at 3:48 am

A gub.

Biff December 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm

+1 for Woodie Allen ref.

Numbat_Dundee December 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm

She was following the Bible people. Adultery has to be between a man and a woman.

Generation[redacted] December 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

We need a Constitutional amendment to make sure adultery is defined as only between one man and one woman.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

But what about when adultery is between two men and one woman? Or three, or even more? I mean according to some of the videos I've seen online…

…wait, pretend I didn't say that.

Guppy December 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm

That usually involves an exchange of money. No Republican would inhibit the free market like that.

MzNicky December 22, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Not adultery if you're talking Mormonism though, right? Except polygamy is only acceptable for the menz, not the wimminz, if I am understanding that whole fucked up shit correctly? Which makes me wonder, perhaps way O/T, but: Is there any monotheistic belief system that's not patriarchal, or do I repeat myself? Very well, I repeat myself.

nedbeaumontjr December 23, 2011 at 10:24 am

Judyism. Because Judge Judy is never wrong.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Someone should honestly push that.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:41 am

ND:

Isn't there something in the Bible about a shepherd and at least one of his sheep?

Before he gets the flock out of there.

Wonderthing December 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Wow. Gays are funny! I'll probably start accepting their lifestyles now! Damn. That was probably their evil plan all along. Curses!

sbj1964 December 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Obama brought the heat today,and the Republicans caved in like a Chinese coal mine.

nounverb911 December 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Or a Massey Energy coal mine.

sbj1964 December 22, 2011 at 6:33 pm

The bullies just got a black eye.The Republicans are cowards when people see them for what they are.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Speaking of coal, doesn't the "compromise" still include that pesky short time frame on the Keystone pipeline? That O will approve for jerbs because we're in such a pickle? Not because he approved off-shore drilling in the Gulf a mere three weeks before the BP butt-pucker. Not because he just auctioned off an oil-gusher's-worth of Gulf oil drilling/leaking leases? Not because the cynical unions want the KP for jerbs even though the long- and maybe short-term perils are many and predictable and certain? Not because it's a cynical move to beat the Repubes at their own kill-the-earth game?

/snark on

memzilla December 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Nice letter. Even though I'm straight, reading it gave me a snarkasm.

Guppy December 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm

"I've never felt this way before…"

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 9:19 pm

"I never thought it would happen to me, but …"

jus_wonderin December 30, 2011 at 11:50 am

"One time, in band camp…."

tessiee December 24, 2011 at 11:53 am

Good thing you weren't wearing a Snuggie, or you would have had a snug-gasm, and that's just a bit *too* cute.

Lucidamente1 December 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

This all sounds like the beginning of a John Waters movie. And Divine, were he / she still among the living, would make a perfect Sen. Amy Koch.

Jukesgrrl December 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

There will never be another Divine, but in her absence, how about a musical about this situation? Book by John Waters, music by SIr Elton, lyrics by Harvey Fierstein. Harv could sub for Divine.

doloras December 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

"His" absence. Divine always said: "I am neither transsexual nor a drag queen, I am a character actor who specialises in playing insane women."

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 9:55 pm

really fucking well.

dr_giraud December 23, 2011 at 9:44 am

And Mink Stole could play an unhinged family values crusader obsessed w/Divine/Koch: "Consider the stations of the cross."

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Oh, snap!

ManchuCandidate December 22, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Who's sorry now, who's sorry now?
Whose ego is aching for breaking each vow?
Who's schadenfrude, who's laughing at you?
Just like I laughed at you…

Dumb to the end, just like a fiend,
I tried to warn you, somehow,
Aaaaaaaaahhh!
You had your way, now you must pay,
We're glad that you're sorry now.

nounverb911 December 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Koch blocked?

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm

All hail John Medeiros, whom we need to recruit as a commenter here, unless he already is one.

nounverb911 December 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

"Oh, here’s a tragedy"

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”
–Mel Brooks

Goonemeritus December 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

No snark that I come up with can possibly stand against that open letter. To comment I would have to resort to making BBW and dirty dirty monkey sex allusions and I 'm above that.

natoslug December 22, 2011 at 7:01 pm

There's a company in town here called BBW Associates. I start snickering like a 13 year old every time I drive by their sign. My wife never seems to share my amusement.

MzNicky December 22, 2011 at 10:52 pm

There used to be a company here in town called "S&M auto parts." Much hilarity ensued every time I drove past it. I think it got outsourced.

MosesInvests December 23, 2011 at 12:19 am

Used to be a company on US 1 just north of St. Augustine, FL called BFE. Always chuckled when I drove/cycled by.

An_Outhouse December 23, 2011 at 9:44 am

My initials are BFD. I got yelled at at work once when I had to initial something.

LesBontemps December 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Did the letter also apologize for her hair? Because her hairdresser's got a lot to answer for, too, also.

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Bad hair is another thing that can happen to you if you get on the wrong side of the Gay Agenda.

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm

FOR!…..For….for
THE!….The….the
WIN!….Win….win

Redrighthand December 28, 2011 at 9:42 am

Oh no you didn't!

Callyson December 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Couple the Koch issue with the financial woes of the state party, and you have an even more perplexing campaign problem for GOP members who pride themselves on social purity and fiscal accountability.
What, the Reeps have not figured out the relationship between sex and money? No wonder there are deficits everywhere…

Beowoof December 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm

That purity always seems to wind up showing itself as pure evil.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

You know who else prided themselves on social purity? To the tune of tens of millions? (Note: this question has multiple answers)

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:20 am

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm just not saying it.

Salacious Crumb December 23, 2011 at 12:47 am

Scientologists?

horsedreamer_1 December 23, 2011 at 6:54 pm

The Ladies Auxiliary?

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Slightly OT, but then, you did use the expression "to the tune" in your comment: Is your screen name supposed to be spoken, or sung to the tune of "Guantanamera"?

dadanarchist December 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Wake me up when there's witchcraft involved.

Biff December 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Her rebuttal will be along the lines of "I'm sorry if my straight affair offended you homos."

chascates December 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Now the Catholic Cardinal in Chicago is worried about dem gayz:

Cardinal Francis George Warns That Chicago Gay Pride Parade Might 'Morph Into Ku Klux Klan'

http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/metro/cardin

weejee December 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Not to worry chascates. Both the North and South Siders hate the Cards.

chascates December 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm
starfanglednut December 22, 2011 at 10:15 pm

I'll cut eyes in my rainbow sheets right away!

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:21 am

Will you do mine too?

starfanglednut December 23, 2011 at 7:37 am

Sure, Z.

arihaya December 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

how much would you willing to bet that Cardinal George has some dirty child molestations history in his closets?

Generation[redacted] December 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Darn if he doesn't. Teh gayz strike again!

MzNicky December 22, 2011 at 10:55 pm

All of 'em, Katie?

SayItWithWookies December 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm

"You know, you don’t want the Gay Liberation Movement to morph into something like the Ku Klux Klan, demonstrating in the streets against Catholicism. So, I think if that’s what’s happening, and I don’t know that it is, but I would respect the local pastor’s, you know, position on that."

So wait a minute — the cardinal is worried the gays — whom he thinks are sinners on the authority of nothing more than some arbitrary 2,000-year-old doctrine — are going to turn into the KKK, who, um, also hate the gays on the authority of nothing more than some arbitrary 2,000-year-old doctrine? Yeah, I can understand his concern.

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Also, this guy is a fucking bird Cardinal and averages one "you know" per sentence? At least the motherfuckers used to be able to talk good.

fuflans December 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

please. nobody's sober enough at pride to protest anything.

silly cardinal.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Personally, I think he was just afraid the pride marchers would recognize the NAMBLA members in the priesthood.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

sigh. Once again, there's a difference between hating Catholics, which is bigoted and was practiced by many of the wingnuts of the past (before the Irish, Italians etc. weren't considered white) and hating the Catholic Church, a particular powerful institution with a particular ideology which is rather odious in how it treats gay people, along with women and sex in general. And, you know, the whole centuries of systematic cover-ups of child rape.

Guppy December 22, 2011 at 8:06 pm

OK, but who do I blame for Santorum?

HistoriCat December 22, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Pennsylvania?
Canada?
SATAN?!?

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 9:59 pm

SANTA???!!!??

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:23 am

Rick.

Oh, and his parents, of course. The twisted fucks.

chascates December 22, 2011 at 8:39 pm

One of my late uncles, possibly the most gentle, kind man I ever met, was distraught by the 1960 Presidential election. He couldn't vote for a Catholic (our family was long-time Methodist at the time, now most have swerved right) and he sure as hell couldn't vote for a Republican so he took to bed sick early that day and stayed in bed the next day.
My maternal forebears were Ulster Scots/Protestants (I use the term 'Scotch Collie) and probably were pretty nasty back in the old sod. My memories growing up of the Catholic Church were that it was the only place in our little town (which often didn't have a restaurant) that 'Mexican' food was available when the parish had their yearly fundraiser.

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

You were supposed to wait until Christmas to give Uncle Ken our present!

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Morph? What the hell are we talking about? The Mighty, Morphing Power Rangers?

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Ahh, Amy Jo Johnson…

…wait, what were we talking about again?

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Hmm. That's kind of an embarrassing statement, especially from a Catholic member of the cloth. He might have to resign to spend some more time with his family.

Oh, wait.

deanbooth December 23, 2011 at 11:09 am

I think what he's trying to say is "You know who else hated the Catholics?" And in this case, "All of them, Francis." is close to the correct answer.

Barrelhse December 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

She got TWO different men to fuck her?

OzoneTom December 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I'm pretty sure that they were "different" in some way.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm

The mysterious powers of the vagina. They can be used for both good and evil.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

As Craig Fergusen would say….
I know!

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Well dude, no wonder she strayed. I Google Imaged "Amy Koch and husband" and I got this picture.

Barrelhse December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Two dogs? I don't get it…

Biff December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Which one's the rescue, there?

Nostrildamus December 23, 2011 at 12:41 am

Look at that tongue. I understand now.

OKthennext December 22, 2011 at 11:29 pm

try Google images: Michael Brodkorb

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:34 am

Ugly as sin.

OKthennext December 23, 2011 at 11:07 am

Living in sin.

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

In fairness to Amy, she's such a hottie it's no wonder the staffer couldn't keep his staff out of her. Lotta covered dish has gone down that gullet.

SheriffRoscoe December 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm

OMG. Wide angle lenses are the devil.

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

They don't call 'em "Fish Eyes" for nothing Sheriff.

Biff December 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

That settles it, she paid the man…

neiltheblaze December 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

But let's not judge the guy – times are tough.

Biff December 22, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Ordinarily, I'd have no problem with this. However, he's already employed as her staffer, so he's taking food out of the mouth of an un- or underemployed gigolo.Talk about double-dipping…

Lascauxcaveman December 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

A fat chick I know says chubby-chasers are "an urban legend." She's had a few boyfriends that I've known of, but she has a pretty high-paying job, too.

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Can't wait for the DVD, right there next to Tonya Harding's Wedding Night.

finallyhappy December 22, 2011 at 6:55 pm

And Bars- don't forget the bars! Also I thought it was called "hot dish"- 12 oz noodles, 2 cans of cream soup, 1/2 pound of some sort of meat – and then bread crumbs dotted with butter on top . And for the health freaks- add 8 oz of frozen peas

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Real foodies prefer canned peas for their bilious pale green hue.

fuflans December 22, 2011 at 7:31 pm

gross

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I do what I can.

MissTaken December 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm

That poor podium looks mighty stressed

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Wait, in that picture… Is the white haired guy in the suit doin' her? Look carefully at his studied air of nonchalance, and her all agitated facial expression. The way she's holding the podium…

The guy in the centre and the woman at the right looking anywhere but at her…..

Yeah, yeah, Fer shur. He's doin' her!

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Worst. Orgy. Evah.

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

He's using both hands to search among the folds of flesh.

Biff December 22, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Wet spot libel!

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Mebbe he'll find a tv remote.

imissopus December 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Just more cushion for the pushin'.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:27 am

And these are the people who specialize in "Michelle Obama is FAAAAT" comments.

Srsly. Irony has died a painful, unmourned death.

mourningnmerica December 23, 2011 at 1:53 am

This is for whom the term "…a real porker…" was coined.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:45 am

There's a joke tangled up in there with porker and poker. Or pokeher. Too early for me to string it together.

SheriffRoscoe December 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Why isn't anyone reporting on the real story here? How does Mrs. Amy Koch (R-MN) manage to find two men willing to bang her fat ugly ass?

chascates December 22, 2011 at 6:49 pm

It gets mighty cold in Minnesota and I bet she can radiate heat like a Franklin stove!

SheriffRoscoe December 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Actually, on second thought, no one is claiming that her hubby still fucks her, so……..

comrad_darkness December 22, 2011 at 9:44 pm

No one is claiming her husband fucks women.

SpiderCrab December 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Men being men, not a problem.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Exackly. How many stories have we heard about men a vacuum cleaners?

Beowoof December 22, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Well there is the old saying, fat girls and scooters, fun to ride until your friends see you. And this is from a guy who likes a woman to have something to grab onto.

snackypants December 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Oh my goodness Beowoof, I have heard a lot of the old sayings but this one is new to me. I'll add it to my "old saying" arsenal and give the credit to you!

prommie December 23, 2011 at 9:50 am

We used to say that fat girls are like mopeds, fun to ride, but you don't want anyone to see you on one.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Chubby chasers?

tealsheart December 22, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard that she introduces herself as 'Any Koch"

No lie.

Puffperney December 23, 2011 at 12:13 am

I'd hit it. Dontcha' know its all good!

Geminisunmars December 22, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Okay, which one of you is John Medeiros? Nah, too subtle for a Wonketteer.

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

No mention of "buttsechs", so yeah.

SayItWithWookies December 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Take it from Newt Gingrich, Amy — if you're not careful the gays'll ruin your next marriage too, and then you'll end up with some poorly-crafted simulacrum of a human whose face doesn't move and who can only do a few rudimentary tasks such as play the french horn in a county symphony and write Republican children's books.

Guppy December 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Actually, Newt has offered the perfect excuse for her to use: she just loves Minnseoter too much!

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

HEY, that's the second second time in the last few days that a Wonketeer has made a derogatory remark about French Horn players! Well, at least now I know why I couldn't get the girls in high school.

HedonismBot December 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

I played alto sax – most likely the sexiest high school band instrument there is, with the possible exception of electric bass. I couldn't get the girls either. Don't feel bad.

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Well I had to spread it around — all the violist jokes have already circulated forever.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Here's a banjo one:

Q. What's the least common question in the English language?
A. "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Don't forget signing credit card receipts at Tiffany's.

arihaya December 22, 2011 at 6:35 pm

did the open letter co-signed by Marcus Bachmann ?

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 6:38 pm

To be fair, she has nice teeth.

SheriffRoscoe December 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Must be from all the rawhides. And dry kibble.

neiltheblaze December 22, 2011 at 7:09 pm

And great lower lip action.

DaRooster December 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Yeah, they fold back…

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

She would have brought a high price in 1850.

Barrelhse December 22, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Nicest teeth I ever came across.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:02 pm

And, apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln…

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:43 am

In her vagina, sure.

Radiotherapy December 23, 2011 at 8:40 am
PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 7:00 pm

That movie was fucking hilarious! Gross, gruesome, gory, but hilarious.

Dashboard Buddha December 23, 2011 at 9:02 am

The better to nibble on another woman's husband's penis.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 8:40 pm

"she has nice teeth"

All 128 of them.

sbj1964 December 22, 2011 at 6:38 pm

What bottom feeder was tagging that? I'm sure it was closing time,Last call scrub time.And really screwing a staffer? Who dose she think she is, David Letterman?

MzNicky December 22, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Fucking the staffers: It's not just for men anymore.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:44 am

I just caught a look at the guy she was doing. Lemme tellya, he was lucky to get *that* much pussy.

LesBontemps December 23, 2011 at 10:01 am

To be fair, that is a lot of pussy.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

No, the size of the pussy has nothing to do with the size of the woman who happens to own it, or so I've found. Although I'm not willing to verify anything having to do with Ms. Koch's pussy, not personally.

weejee December 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

So Amy Koch has a mendacious john? And how is that different from Newt or Walnutz? So following on, will Amy be running for Prez in 2016 on the tried and true GoP Adulterers ticket?

Bluestatelibel December 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

OT, but I received an early Xmas gift today – $100.00 from the Bank of America class action suit for their overdraft fee scamming. I'm sure the total payment was nothing to them, but I enjoyed thinking about much it must have cut them to the heart to send out these checks.

chascates December 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I believe the whole amount is considered a right off tax-wise.

Bluestatelibel December 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Should have known… I'll donate it to OWS, courtesy of a former BOA account holder. And I still get to smirk over the fact that their share price is now a laughable five bucks.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:47 am

chascates:

I don't think that is correct. Certain penalties may not be taken as business expenses. Parking tickets, for example.

Depending on the wording of the settlement, of course (ask Herman Cain about all that) it may not be a deductible business expense.

In the case of Bank of America the point well may be moot, because in order to take advantage of a business expense deduction an enterprise must first be making a profit…

OzoneTom December 22, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Just think how they'll feel when you close all of your accounts with them now as an xmas gift to them.

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

$100.00? So, in the spirit of Wonketeerism, when and where is the keg party?

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Damn! I close all my BofA accounts a few weeks ago. Am I outa luck?

Nostrildamus December 23, 2011 at 12:47 am

If you want sangfroid for Christmas, check BOA's stock price.

DeLand_DeLakes December 22, 2011 at 6:41 pm

THIS Minnesota homo ain't offering no apology to that Koch whore. I would instead like to extend an invitation for her to impale herself on an icicle on her way out of the Capitol.

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

That's cold.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:45 am

But well-earned, my man, well-earned.

samsuncle December 22, 2011 at 6:41 pm

She will be lucky not to end up with a staff infection.

snackypants December 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Ooh, I see what you did there.

LesBontemps December 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

#winning

samsuncle December 22, 2011 at 8:01 pm

les le bon temps rouler !

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

It be funny if his name was Sa, get it? MR.SA

gullywompr December 22, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Ba dum bum! Very nice.

Joshua Norton December 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Oh sweetie. Who does your hair? An enemy?

Generation[redacted] December 22, 2011 at 7:09 pm

A gay hairdresser, yes.

Sharkey December 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Hungover from roofies, heroin, and everclear, maybe.

Did she ask for that cocoa swirlie or what?

SheriffRoscoe December 22, 2011 at 6:44 pm

All that adultery has barely afforded Amy any time for a cut and color, poor dear.

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

She sure needs to get a gay guy to fix her fucking hair.

Generation[redacted] December 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Maybe she already did. Revenge!

BarackMyWorld December 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

I have mixed feeling about this, because I think it's despicable she's trying to impose her views on marriage on everyone else when she can't live up to them herself, while on the other hand we're back to the point where your personal life is a political issue.

finallyhappy December 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

yeah, your personal life is a political issue when you are trying to limit everyone else's personal life.

SayItWithWookies December 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm

I know — I don't even like reading about celebrities' personal lives, so those of state legislators from Minnesota are just uncalled-for. And they're so dreary and unimaginative that they all just run together after a while. Mean little biddies like her ought to have crazy freaky sex lives if they're going to insist on annoying us with their public prudery and then having affairs.

MissTaken December 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Hypocrisy: it's a son of a bitch.

Lascauxcaveman December 22, 2011 at 8:51 pm

On the other hand, it can be short lived. For example, now that Snowbilly is more or less a non-entity, nobody's making mean cracks about her kids anymore.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:04 pm

As always, her personal life is a political issue because of the former. We wouldn't even know who the fuck Amy Koch was if she wasn't such a fucking hypocrite, adn we'll continue to point this out until we make them scream uncle. I harbor no such qualms about working over bullies.

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Yup. If you make other peoples' personal lives a political issue, yours is fair game. If not, not. Pretty simple.

Toomush_Infer December 22, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Minnesota, Land of the Low-Hanging Fruit… still, nice letter…

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

TML:

Well-played! I'm reading "Low-Hanging Fruit" at least 3 different ways.

rocktonsam December 22, 2011 at 6:49 pm

"working so, hard on…"

Antispandex December 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I'm not buying it! No one would do her…nobody, no how, no way. Oh, wait… someone did Michelle Bachmann…I still don't buy it though.

Beowoof December 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Marcus hired a guy to take care of it for him; as he wasn't interested. It has to be Michele's nightly prayer, "Oh please let him like pussy".

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Apparently, someone did 1L five times, which surpasseth human understanding.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 11:00 pm

C'mon, now! Every guy has at least one in his line of conquests that he never admits to (but always keeps in the tally).

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:48 am

Google michael brodkorb. Take lots of eye and brain bleach, you'll need it.

owhatever December 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

oh … oh … Oh … Oh … OH … OH … Harder … Faster … Deeper … OHHH … Do me like the whore I am!! Sigh. Tee-hee. Now I'll check in with God and my hubby, then we can go bash some gays. Again … already?

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Yeesh, that did not do my staff/member any favors.

Veritas78 December 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I think she's wearing the Abco 16 oz. Janit-Pro Heavy-Duty. I like that one because it withstands repeated wringings without wrist tiring.

Tundra Grifter December 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

At least she didn't pull a Gingrich and claim it happened because she loves America so much.

PS: Has Koch-Gobbler already been used?

iburl December 22, 2011 at 7:29 pm

yes.

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Do you even have to ask? Have you forgotten where you are?

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:49 am

Looks like I owe somebody a JINX.

Rotundo_ December 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I am still trying to figure this out: She was so driven to defend the christian fundamentalist definition of marriage that she wound up fucking around on her husband? And what are these gay and lesbian tactics that Mr. Medeiros speaks of? Whispering in her ear that her staffer is cute? Or is there a whole new field of tactics heretofore sheltered from the hetero world? Is someone weaponizing the arts? Fashion? Music? Fine Cuisine? Literature? Archetecture?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I believe it is called the Gingrich Effect.

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I think the current state of the science calls it the Pseudo-Gingrich effect. Koch didn't manifest the full Gingrich effect because her husband is believed to be cancer-free.

LesBontemps December 23, 2011 at 10:09 am

Weaponized Broadway musicals: The true threat to traditional marriage.

Generation[redacted] December 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

WTF. That picture. Did he do her on a bet?

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Slumpbuster?

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 9:00 pm

At least he broke *something*.

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I'm sure he won the bet.

Which reminds me. Has any of our obscure movie fans ever seen this classic about the ugly game?
Just another bad Dr. Paul.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:52 am

No, but I will, now.

Why did you change your name? Everything OK?

Radiotherapy December 23, 2011 at 1:00 am

In your style, and in this sappy sentimental solstice season, I've gone back to the OG Radio handle. And may I be the first to wish you a merry fucking xmas and a happy fucking new year, you sweetheart.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 1:49 am

Well, merry fucking xmas and a very happy new year to you too! I'll lift a glass of some tasty beverage in your honour! We're doing roast duck again, with taters and turnips. Yum! Here's a hug in advance, more to come.

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Did he do her at the vet?

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Did he slap her on the rump?
Did he need to use a pump?

Nostrildamus December 23, 2011 at 12:51 am

Did he pump her on a dare?
Did he pump her in her hair?

poncho_pilot December 23, 2011 at 3:57 am

then he smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum.

BigDumbRedDog December 23, 2011 at 11:43 am

I love dr suess.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm

If you haven't tried these things, you should.
These things are fun, and fun is good.

Limeylizzie December 23, 2011 at 9:34 am

I cannot believe you only got 6 upfists for an amazingly funny comment, I spat out food.

ShaveTheWhales December 23, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Thank you. At least it got the response I was looking for, although I was hoping for a longer thread. Merry Solstice.

CountryClubJihadi December 22, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Guess she couldn't resist grabbing a L'Oreal Chunky Highlights Kit at Walgreen's when she went to get all that "Halloween" candy.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Because of the timing of her resignation, she became the shortest-tenured majority leader in Minnesota Senate history.

Wiked-pedia is on the case, people.
~

keepem_sikanpor December 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

It seems she re tarded her agenda. Good riddance, (R)ypocrite.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 22, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Just read the alt-text… keep 'em coming KBJ!

coolhandnuke December 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

What is the difference between a Minnesota Senate staffer and a rooster?

Geminisunmars December 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Nothing?

coolhandnuke December 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

A rooster says cook-a-doodle-do and a Minnesota Senate staffer says Amy-Koch'll-do.

Sharkey December 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I… I was gonna say that.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:51 am

CHN:

And Amy Koch says "any cock'll do."

DaRooster December 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm

I would need to be HAMMERED…?

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Given that both, apparently, will fuck anything moving, I'm failing to see any.

Nostrildamus December 23, 2011 at 12:53 am

They're both white, featureless ovoids when they're laid.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm

A rooster has better sense than to get those tacky highlights?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 22, 2011 at 7:37 pm

From an earlier comment I made on this subject after elviouslyqueer posted a picture of her alleged lover with his sparse hair…

I got this picture in my head that "the nasty act" between these two would look something like a slightly hairy hard boiled egg sitting in a large bowl of cottage cheese.

jodyleek December 23, 2011 at 9:36 am

Might I suggest, as an accompaniment to your vivid imagery, the song "Fat Girl" by Steel Panther. (I don't know how to do the linky-linky so you'll have to look it up on iTunes or Youtube yourself).

Monsieur_Grumpe December 23, 2011 at 11:10 am
BigDumbRedDog December 23, 2011 at 11:45 am

And there goes my breakfast.

JackObin December 22, 2011 at 7:46 pm

I hate to reduce this to animal terms, but who in the hell would bang that?

DocChaos December 22, 2011 at 10:08 pm

If only pretty people fucked, the world would be an empty place.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 11:03 pm

OTOH,if there were only people who were pretty fucked, the world would be very annoying.

ShaveTheWhales December 22, 2011 at 10:14 pm

This is why Dog gave us alcohol.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I wouldn't fuck that with Ann Coulters dick, I'll tell you what.

MissTaken December 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Teh gheys sure know how to bring the snark and wrap it with a lovely bow. Well done, sir.

MathIsHard December 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Obviously she gets all the dudes hot with that Herman Cain creeptastic smile.

MissTaken December 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…

… and her hot dogs, her donuts, her Doritos

HistoriCat December 22, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Agh! Thanks for that flashback.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Whenever I hear that song, I have the strangest urge to ring a bell…

DaRooster December 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

She is the biggest of the Koch Bros.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 7:59 pm

To have a Republican politician get taken down by a sex scandal when that politician is a woman is a pleasantly surprising and groundbreaking victory for feminism; Mrs. Kock should be proud..

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 12:57 am

Helen Chenoweth surely wasn't *that* long ago?

Barrelhse December 22, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Two bags still wouldn't be safe.

coolhandnuke December 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm

The Amy Kochtail:
One part essence of real estate lady, two parts Linda Tripp flop sweat, a jar of Miracle Whip, three parts Xanax, two parts Jenny Craig protein shake, two parts Anita Bryant OJ and 18 parts Everclear.
Whip into a frothy slurry and consume only at last call desperation hour.
With a zinfandel chaser.

starfanglednut December 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

That's fabulous.

ManchuCandidate December 23, 2011 at 1:18 am

Just one jar? More like 10.

HarryButtle December 23, 2011 at 10:49 am

Glad I'm not the only one who saw the reincarnation of Linda Tripp!

Cheneysleftnut December 22, 2011 at 8:07 pm

She was trying to lay-away the gay.

comrad_darkness December 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm

With looks that, I'm guessing there had to be.

dadanarchist December 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Touché.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Wait, don't those witches congregate nekkid? ick!

OldRedneck December 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Is her name REALLY K O C H ???

Where is George Carlin when we need him??

edgydrifter December 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm

They say power is sexy, but jeez… it isn't that sexy.

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Thank heavens for Ms. Koch. Finally we are getting marriage back to its traditional, sacred form: one man, one woman, one horndog staffer, and one process server.

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:36 pm

She's a job creator!

fitley December 22, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Another HoeBag bites the dust

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I think the appropriate Queen song for this would be Fat Bottomed Girls.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:11 pm

She even eats dust?!? Hot damn!

El Pinche December 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Apparently she was at ground zero when the bottle of highlights exploded at a Regis salon.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Regis? More like Supercuts, if I know anything about it.

Blueb4sunrise December 22, 2011 at 8:35 pm

She's a big leg woman
She's a big leg woman
She's a big leg woman
But I gotta let her go
But I gotta let her go
But I gotta let her go

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Her boyfriend ain't exactly George Clooney.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 8:49 pm

So the guy was both cheating on (with a married woman) and beating his wife; what a lovely man.

flamingpdog December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

According to the police report, they have "three children aged 3, 3, and just under 2", so he was kind of busy there for a while. But no physical violence (this time) according to the report.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"According to the police report, they have "three children aged 3, 3, and just under 2","

So they had three kids in 30 months? His wife ought to be beating *him* up!

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 1:07 am

In all fairness, I believe the linked article states that a report was filed over six months ago, and that no actual violence was observed or alleged (which doesn't mean it didn't occur, but it wasn't obvious) at that time. Neither did the article allege that Mr. Brodkorb had ever actually hit his wife either before or after that single incident.

However, upon reading the (readily-available) articles on Michael Brodkorb, it is impossible to conclude that this guy was anything short of a major-league asshole.

comrad_darkness December 22, 2011 at 9:46 pm

My god, if they bred, those kids' eyes would be so close together, they'd be cyclops.

fuflans December 22, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Brodkorb?

seriously, Brodkorb?

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm

WHOA!! Mystery solved!

HedonismBot December 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

OT – but far more important than this stupid bitch – House Republicans "cave" on payroll tax cut. Cave. Cave cave cave. Cavecavecavecavecavecavecave!!!
I can't stop saying it! "House Republicans cave!" They caved! THEY CAVED!!
Usually, the word "cave" is coupled with "Democrats." Not this time baby! Cry, John Boehner, you orange sack of whiskey vomit. Cry, baby cry!
There is a God! There is a Santa! Thank you Easter Bunny! Thank you Aqua Buddha! House GOP caved!!!!
(And yes, I know this only happened after the Dems made significant concessions. I know the extension is only for two months. I don't pretend to understand all the silly parliamentary bullshit that went into the process. No one needs to point those things out. Just let me.. savor. The. Moment. Aaaaaah!)

Fukui_Jong-un December 22, 2011 at 9:23 pm

To copy a comment from somewhere else – "they caved like Massey Energy mine"

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Too soon!

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Cave how? Am I wrong, or does this "cave" only last two months, and forces (allows) Obama to "regretfully" accept the Keystone Pipeline as a "difficult decision" that is necessary to "increase jobs", and yet, leaves us at square one re: our economy? I may be wrong, but it seems to me that it's going to be difficult for Obama to embarrass the R's in two-month chunks until next November.

HedonismBot December 22, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Stop! You're harshing my buzz! Boehner's eating crow for Christmas dinner. We finally won a battle (a pretty minor one, granted.) These days, we gotta take our joy where we can find it.

DaRooster December 23, 2011 at 10:06 am

Yeah, but he's having that crow shipped in… whadda figging douche.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Funny, I see it as the complete opposite. I'm convinced he's going to indefinitely delay the pipeline. Since OWS, we're controlling the narrative, now, or at least to such an extent that he doesn't have to cave on the pipeline, anymore. I'm betting he's hoping that the political weather will be even bettere by the time February rolls around. Stack on top of that that the state government in red-as-all-kinds-of-hell doesn't want this thing, and it wouldn't even make political sense to approve it.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 1:10 am

Here's something that'll extend the joy: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/12/22/1048017/

Enjoy.

HedonismBot December 23, 2011 at 11:30 am

Blink, cave, fold, crumple, whatever. Usually the news is all about how the Democrats have "blinked," "caved," "folded," etc. It's so nice, for once, for it to be the other way around.
If you want to find the Republicans this holiday season, you better go spelunking.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm

You have to admit, the look on Crybaby Boehner's face is *priceless* in that shot.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm

"Just let me.. savor. The. Moment. Aaaaaah!"

*lights two cigarettes, passes one to HedonismBot*

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 5:55 pm

What about the onlookers, tessiee? Don't WE get a cigarette too?

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 9:14 pm

"Don't WE get a cigarette too?"

*eyes PalinzADummy suspiciously*
I don't know. Are ya over 21?

PalinzADummy December 24, 2011 at 3:11 am

By about two-score years or more. Quit bogarting that thang and hand it over, girl.

imissopus December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Big legs
Tight skirt,
'Bout to drive me outta my mind…

fuflans December 22, 2011 at 11:23 pm

(i said this earlier in an hommage to charlize theron ala 'young adult' which for some reason keeps making me laugh)

gross.

user-of-owls December 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I'm thinking the guy didn't so much "schtupp" her as he did "get sucked in by her gravitational pull."

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Miss the hole and you get a roll.
♪ ♫ The more the cushion the better the pushin' ♪ ♫
I'm so tired Mr. Night Owl.

flamingpdog December 23, 2011 at 12:06 am

Saturnalia?

subsum December 22, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I wouldn't hit that.

Veritas78 December 22, 2011 at 9:22 pm

So it's true, then—a Koch can never be too big!

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Come on, you guys. She just loves America so much…I mean, why else would these male staffers keep falling into her who-ha? Hengh?

These bastards aren't even trying not to look ridiculous, anymore. Have we finally reached peak crazy?

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Oh, snap! Shit just got really real!

Radiotherapy December 22, 2011 at 10:35 pm

You know, as an inveterate night "owl," but not, of course, the user-of-"owls," one of my favorite Wonkette traditions is waiting for you to swoop in and clean up the thread. Merry fucking solstice, bitch. I don't mean to wax sentimental, but you are the barb of the wee hours. You are, my friend, the opposite of those Lexus "December to Remember" commercials. Oh snap! Indeed.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 1:13 am

*Some*body's been tasting the *egg-nog*! (Hugs you tightly)

Radiotherapy December 23, 2011 at 1:39 am

Do you want some? It's more fun when you share.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 2:21 am

Unfortunately, my surgeon assures me that healing goes better without alcohol. But you can drink mine for me, and I'll take a hug or two.

ttommyunger December 22, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Was going to fap later tonight, but that face! My dick has retreated into my abdomen. It will prolly be a week before I can coax it out.

chicken_thief December 23, 2011 at 9:58 am

Maybe that vid of One L Michele draping herself over the table offering up that ass will help?

ttommyunger December 23, 2011 at 12:13 pm

CURED!!!!!!;)

BigDumbRedDog December 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm

That picture this morning of the lovely lady sailor smooching her lovely lady lover made my day. This story was just the cherry on top.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm

You know, as a fellow upper midwesterner, I'd always had passing knowledge of Minnesota Nice. It was not until recently that I was introduced to Minnesota Crazy. Do. Not. Like/Want.

FNMA December 23, 2011 at 8:14 am

As a person from the Northeast, I always thought Minnesota Nice was a symptom of being batshit crazy. So, the two, in my view, are not mutually exclusive.

MzNicky December 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

She has aggressively streaked hair. You know what THAT means.

OneDollarJuana December 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Oncet I went to Hairmasters and the gal was cutting my hair so badly that I literally had her quit in the middle, went to my usual barber and had my head shaved. My head was cold but it was worth it.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 12:45 pm

"had my head shaved. My head was cold but it was worth it."

And you got a really cute avatar picture out of the result.

Chichikovovich December 22, 2011 at 11:03 pm

I was trying to decode the look radiating from her eyes in that picture. It's like they're looking straight at me. That penetrating, hungry gaze. I asked myself: why does it seem that her eyes are saying: "Hey delicious, how I would like to reach right through the computer screen and clamp my hands on you, sweetbuns! And then when I do have you firmly in my grasp, mmmmmm…. melt in my mouth."

Then I realized that the cameraman had been holding up a cheeseburger.

chicken_thief December 23, 2011 at 9:55 am

Good way for the cameraman to loose an arm…

rocktonsam December 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm

I'd hit that, pussies

El Pinche December 22, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Yep, me too. Two words: food play

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 1:14 am

I'm seeing chili in the bathtub!

poncho_pilot December 23, 2011 at 4:05 am

oh! chili! i thought you said mirror.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkU2Ltj7MSM&fe

happy x-mas, John.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Thanks, Jenny. That was great.

chascates December 22, 2011 at 11:33 pm

With a snow shovel?

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Well, you'll be the sacrifice…errrr…volunteer to "take one for the team," then.

SorosBot December 22, 2011 at 11:36 pm

I'm desperate, but no, not that desperate, I would not want to hit that.

Negropolis December 23, 2011 at 3:52 am

So what you're saying is that you'll do anything for love…but you won't do that, right?

SorosBot December 23, 2011 at 9:14 am

Oh no, (no no) no I won't do that.

chicken_thief December 23, 2011 at 9:54 am

I dunno, rock – that is one large woman…. gives a whole new meaning to "heat in the winter, shade in the summer".

Biff December 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Get her tattooed, and you have moving pictures year 'round!

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:20 am

I'm with you; you know, you just know, that she brings the screaming crazy sex. Its those crazy eyes, this is the kinda psycho I have been talking about lo these many years whenever I have mentioned the freaky crazy-chick sex.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:05 pm

*You've* been doing her TOO?

frostbitefalls December 22, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Oh my…the staffer who was screwing her "previously operated the site Minnesota Democrats Exposed, where he often trafficked in scurrilous gossip to make his political enemies look bad."

hahahaha!

flamingpdog December 23, 2011 at 12:09 am

DId the staffer stuff 'er?

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:21 am

The old "stuff and dump?"

mrblifil December 23, 2011 at 1:04 am

At this point, I don't know how much more Koch I can take.

mourningnmerica December 23, 2011 at 2:01 am

Did she get those teeth out of a plastic vat at the checkout counter at Casey's General Store? What a fucking roach.

Negropolis December 23, 2011 at 3:54 am

Koch is a helluva drug. Don't do Koch, kids.

ShaveTheWhales December 23, 2011 at 4:38 am

Does anyone else find "staff member" sort of redundant in context?

tealsheart December 23, 2011 at 8:25 am

she didn't

tealsheart December 23, 2011 at 8:19 am

I'll hit that, but its gonna cost her

tealsheart December 23, 2011 at 8:34 am

Dare I say "Closet Gay"

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:25 pm

No, you dare not. We don't want her, she's *yours.*

prommie December 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

She looks quite the dirty girl. She's got this smug "I been suckin' some dick" look on her face there.

chicken_thief December 23, 2011 at 9:49 am

Not hard to see this one coming – her name is, after all, Miss Koch…

prommie December 23, 2011 at 9:52 am

Those passive-aggressive gays have poor grammar and, well, some of the words they use, they do not mean what they seem to think they mean. For me, it destroyed the humor of it.

DaRooster December 23, 2011 at 9:55 am

Hey… I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

I would kick her out of bed for being a vile hater of people and their rights… oh and… she wouldn't be there in the first place so…

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 11:12 am

DaR:

There isn't enough room on the floor, either.

If she ever had to haul ass it would take two trips.

Negropolis December 24, 2011 at 1:27 am

If you knew how many packs of Ritz she could put down in a single sitting, you'd reconsider.

DaRooster December 24, 2011 at 10:17 am

Sleeve of Ritz
Like Pixie Stix.
Plenty of ham,
Jug of jam,
Can of Spam,
Wham bam thank you Ma'am.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 9:59 am

Personally, I like Bull Moose Jackson's version, but you can never go wrong with Louis Jordan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql_thrJQyPo

Big Fat Mammas Are Back In Style Again!

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 10:01 am

John Medeiros' letter makes "cheap and tawdry" sound like a bad thing.

Isn't that the whole idea? What other kind of affair is there?

Chichikovovich December 23, 2011 at 10:52 am

The kind that involves million dollar lines of credit at Tiffany's? Those get your past marriages annulled toot sweet. Nothing like the blessing of the Holy See to change "cheap and tawdry" into "Endorsed by the American Family Association".

SenileAgitation December 23, 2011 at 10:24 am

Hey wait! This is not fair and balanced. The FLOTUS publicly agreed to have sex with an enlisted man (!) who is NOT her husband, but no one asks this gay marriage enthusiast to resign! Typical liberal hypocrisy.

Smithboy December 23, 2011 at 10:24 am

Watch this at Funny or Die. The Bachmanns, featuring a flamming Marcus.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ab585b5b/the-b

prommie December 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

You know, this letter got me to thinking, and its great, a good thing, for teh gays to finally take responsibility for one of the traditional marriages that has been ruined by gay marriage. Its a great start, but its not enough. Isn't it finally time for all of us, all of us liberal progressives, and all the free-love espousing, "if it feels good do it" hippies, and all the cultural relativists who reject traditional sexual morality, isn't it finally time for all of us to write a letter to the Roman Catholic Church, apologizing for creating the libertine atmosphere in society that made all those "celibate" priests go on a child-fucking spree?

Radiotherapy December 23, 2011 at 11:05 am

Is that a Papist Smear?

LiveToServeYa December 23, 2011 at 11:37 am

Slippery slope of apology.

MzNicky December 23, 2011 at 11:53 am

A nice thought indeed, but you can't blame the hippies for this one. I'm pretty sure Catholic priests have been child-fucking for centuries.

ShaveTheWhales December 23, 2011 at 7:50 pm

No.

Blueb4sunrise December 23, 2011 at 10:56 am

Wazzat you I saw walkin over to Big Leg Emma;s House?

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Baby, Big Leg Emma get thru with you, ain't no walkin' left to do.

You mighta seen me crawling back for mo', tho.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 23, 2011 at 10:58 am

Here's a front page story about the asshole who was poking the Koch hoe.
Sounds like a Karl Rove wannabe.

http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/13

Blueb4sunrise December 23, 2011 at 11:03 am

I'm finding this photo increasingly difficult to fap to.
errrr of which to fap
I'm finding, to fap to this photo , it is increasingly difficult…..
whatevs

Dashboard Buddha December 23, 2011 at 11:07 am

Is it me, or is her head shaped like the head of a Lego character?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2628/3958855477_fd

Biff December 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Could be Callista, who the hell knows…

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 11:10 am

Appearing for the prosecution – Joe Tex. Disco lives!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrqOG9U6VyU

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 11:11 am

In rebuttal for the defense (with some fine guitar playing) – Chick Willis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eSJePwRQaQ&fe

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Thank you very much for exposing me to this fine, fine music. No snark. I am seriously already in lerve with this guy.

Tundra Grifter December 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

PZAD:

When we bring the light to the heathen it isn't often enough we get thanked for the good work.

Glad you like it! The best part is, Chick Willis is alive and kickin. As Shel Silverstein wrote, "Nashville is rough on the livin', But she really speaks well of the dead."

Enjoy this wonderful R&B genius while he's still with us.

DerrickWildcat December 23, 2011 at 11:14 am

And here is one of my favorite album covers.
Chick Willis of course: http://music.yahoo.com/chick-willis/albums/stoop-

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I get the feeling that this is the music that Dolemite guy listens to when he gets home.

SaintRond December 23, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Kathryn Jean Lopez has got nothin' on her.

tessiee December 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

That letter?
*kisses bunched-together fingertips*
That letter is truly a Wonkette-level gem of snark.

horsedreamer_1 December 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Diablo Cody just wrote the screenplay.

CessnaDriver December 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm

The Minnesota republicans are the dumbest repiglicans on Earth.

XtfrM April 25, 2012 at 8:59 am

What a lovely letter. Gays are nice.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Thanks. (hugs the nut)

I knew I could count on you.

And since seasonal drunken greetings appear to be the order of the day/week, and I just had my stitches removed so extra drugs!, let me take this opportunity to wish you a very happy holiday season. May the booze/drugs/consciousness-alteration of choice achieve its aim, and may the year to come be better for you than every year that preceded it.

starfanglednut December 23, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Feel better, and enjoy the drugs, darlin'.

PalinzADummy December 23, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Thank you, I am! I have visions of us all wearing our rainbow-colored matching hoods & sheets (and charming footwear, pref. with wheels and brakes for the mobility-impaired) marching in a giant day-glo-rainbow protest against the church and its minions. We win, and convince them that partaking in a giant acidfest-cum-orgy is the best way to dissipate the bad vibes/chemically/psychologically-induced angst. Fade to black.

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