Oh, here’s a tragedy: Minnesota’s (now former) Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch had been working so hard on a constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage in her state, but ALAS, the amendment couldn’t be approved in time to keep her own straight marriage safe from harm — she resigned her Senate leadership post last week after being caught having an affair with a male staffer. Minnesota’s homos feel just terrible about all of these problems she is having as a straight married lady, on their account, so they have kindly decided to apologize, aww.
From the open letter written by Minneapolis gay rights activist John Medeiros:
Dear Ms. Koch,
On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.
We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.
It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”
Okay, now HURRY UP Minnesota and make sure that constitutional amendment is approved before any more Senate Republicans are forced to cheat on their spouses. [City Pages]
{ 416 comments }
Is she cross eyed?
She's Koch-eyed.
Oh, out of the freaking park. You owe MittsHairHelmet five bucks for that set-up, Barb.
I love Mitt, do you have his Pay Pal addy? Do you know if he takes post dated checks?
I accept all major credit cards, pre- and post-dated checks, and chicken bartering.
Oh God, Barb. OH God oh God oh God!
I mean….that was really funny.
Thanks Honey!
I came, too.
No, she's looking at her lover's erection a bit too closely these days.
A nice Festivus wish for all of us.
Perhaps, but certainly she did not keep her legs crossed.
or her teabags dotted….
Walker Syndrome.
Anyone seen a photo of the male staffer?
I predict that he's white, has that standard white male haircut (parted on the side), has a greasy complexion, and is significantly overweight but his mother insists that it's just "baby fat".
It's Chris Christie??!? ZOMG.
WTF!? I swear it wasn't me!
Nah. He's just big-boned.
Just offering another one for Barb to smack over the wall.
So, does that mean she is a size queen?
German cross-eyed.
Yeah, she's cross-eyed. And that's just about her best feature.
Aren't they all?
Next thing you know, she runs away with another woman and blames her college professors from 20 years ago.
Oh, snap.
Koch sister likes koch-gobbling. Very nice letter.
She is now.
Really, old thing, I would've said she was very much not NOW. Then again, I have a peen so what do I know.
I was thinking from all the fucking.
And I was thinking, well, something else.
Republicans,The Family Morals ,and values party?
Next thing you know one of them will be caught buying gay porn in Canada with the city credit card. Oh wait.
DOH!
Yep, the GOP is Hypocrisy Are Us! This kind of thing just makes me tired but we need to point out the hypocrisy of these creatures to the idiots who like to vote for them.
She also blames Al Franken because his pro-same sex marriage stance confused her.
Or Larry Craig because his wide stance was also confusing.
Looks like an over-inflated Palin doll.
That happened to me on an airline flight once.
She was mighty tight though.
"an over-inflated Palin doll"
i.e., Bristol.
Catty gays!
Odd, most FEMALE GOP family value sex offenders tend to be former gym coaches who prayed on little girls.
Prayed and preyed.
It's proper to say grace before eating, JP.
A minister is taking a walk in the woods one day and comes across a hungry, slavering bear. As the bear approaches, the Minister knows his only chance of survival is prayer, so he flings his hands up towards the heavens, and shouts,
"OH LORD, please convert brother bear here to the loving grace of Christianity so that I may live to preach your one true Gospel another day!"
All of the sudden the bear drops to his knees and folds his paws in a praying position. Elated, the minister starts screaming, "Oh Thank you Lord, Oh thank you!"
The bear looks up annoyed and says, "Do you mind not being so noisy? I'm trying to say grace here."
"Lord, if you don't help me, for Chrissakes don't help this bear!"
LOL!
No matter how hard to you try to suppress sex, it just keeps spurting out when you least expect it.
And that was a lovely letter of apology. Republicans, take notice!
Love comes in spurts.
Wasn't that a 10CC song?
I think it was Poco.
It was Brian Eno, "Here Come the Warm Jets".
Did I read that right? She was forced to sign that legislation because that male staffer of hers held a WHAT to her head???
This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun.
A gub.
+1 for Woodie Allen ref.
She was following the Bible people. Adultery has to be between a man and a woman.
We need a Constitutional amendment to make sure adultery is defined as only between one man and one woman.
But what about when adultery is between two men and one woman? Or three, or even more? I mean according to some of the videos I've seen online…
…wait, pretend I didn't say that.
That usually involves an exchange of money. No Republican would inhibit the free market like that.
Not adultery if you're talking Mormonism though, right? Except polygamy is only acceptable for the menz, not the wimminz, if I am understanding that whole fucked up shit correctly? Which makes me wonder, perhaps way O/T, but: Is there any monotheistic belief system that's not patriarchal, or do I repeat myself? Very well, I repeat myself.
Judyism. Because Judge Judy is never wrong.
Someone should honestly push that.
ND:
Isn't there something in the Bible about a shepherd and at least one of his sheep?
Before he gets the flock out of there.
Wow. Gays are funny! I'll probably start accepting their lifestyles now! Damn. That was probably their evil plan all along. Curses!
Obama brought the heat today,and the Republicans caved in like a Chinese coal mine.
Or a Massey Energy coal mine.
The bullies just got a black eye.The Republicans are cowards when people see them for what they are.
Speaking of coal, doesn't the "compromise" still include that pesky short time frame on the Keystone pipeline? That O will approve for jerbs because we're in such a pickle? Not because he approved off-shore drilling in the Gulf a mere three weeks before the BP butt-pucker. Not because he just auctioned off an oil-gusher's-worth of Gulf oil drilling/leaking leases? Not because the cynical unions want the KP for jerbs even though the long- and maybe short-term perils are many and predictable and certain? Not because it's a cynical move to beat the Repubes at their own kill-the-earth game?
/snark on
Nice letter. Even though I'm straight, reading it gave me a snarkasm.
"I've never felt this way before…"
"I never thought it would happen to me, but …"
"One time, in band camp…."
Good thing you weren't wearing a Snuggie, or you would have had a snug-gasm, and that's just a bit *too* cute.
This all sounds like the beginning of a John Waters movie. And Divine, were he / she still among the living, would make a perfect Sen. Amy Koch.
There will never be another Divine, but in her absence, how about a musical about this situation? Book by John Waters, music by SIr Elton, lyrics by Harvey Fierstein. Harv could sub for Divine.
"His" absence. Divine always said: "I am neither transsexual nor a drag queen, I am a character actor who specialises in playing insane women."
really fucking well.
And Mink Stole could play an unhinged family values crusader obsessed w/Divine/Koch: "Consider the stations of the cross."
Oh, snap!
Who's sorry now, who's sorry now?
Whose ego is aching for breaking each vow?
Who's schadenfrude, who's laughing at you?
Just like I laughed at you…
Dumb to the end, just like a fiend,
I tried to warn you, somehow,
Aaaaaaaaahhh!
You had your way, now you must pay,
We're glad that you're sorry now.
Koch blocked?
All hail John Medeiros, whom we need to recruit as a commenter here, unless he already is one.
"Oh, here’s a tragedy"
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”
–Mel Brooks
No snark that I come up with can possibly stand against that open letter. To comment I would have to resort to making BBW and dirty dirty monkey sex allusions and I 'm above that.
There's a company in town here called BBW Associates. I start snickering like a 13 year old every time I drive by their sign. My wife never seems to share my amusement.
There used to be a company here in town called "S&M auto parts." Much hilarity ensued every time I drove past it. I think it got outsourced.
Used to be a company on US 1 just north of St. Augustine, FL called BFE. Always chuckled when I drove/cycled by.
My initials are BFD. I got yelled at at work once when I had to initial something.
Did the letter also apologize for her hair? Because her hairdresser's got a lot to answer for, too, also.
Bad hair is another thing that can happen to you if you get on the wrong side of the Gay Agenda.
FOR!…..For….for
THE!….The….the
WIN!….Win….win
Oh no you didn't!
Couple the Koch issue with the financial woes of the state party, and you have an even more perplexing campaign problem for GOP members who pride themselves on social purity and fiscal accountability.
What, the Reeps have not figured out the relationship between sex and money? No wonder there are deficits everywhere…
That purity always seems to wind up showing itself as pure evil.
You know who else prided themselves on social purity? To the tune of tens of millions? (Note: this question has multiple answers)
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just not saying it.
Scientologists?
The Ladies Auxiliary?
Slightly OT, but then, you did use the expression "to the tune" in your comment: Is your screen name supposed to be spoken, or sung to the tune of "Guantanamera"?
Wake me up when there's witchcraft involved.
Her rebuttal will be along the lines of "I'm sorry if my straight affair offended you homos."
Now the Catholic Cardinal in Chicago is worried about dem gayz:
Cardinal Francis George Warns That Chicago Gay Pride Parade Might 'Morph Into Ku Klux Klan'
http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/metro/cardin…
Not to worry chascates. Both the North and South Siders hate the Cards.
Oops! Actual link is: http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/metro/cardin…
I'll cut eyes in my rainbow sheets right away!
Will you do mine too?
Sure, Z.
how much would you willing to bet that Cardinal George has some dirty child molestations history in his closets?
Darn if he doesn't. Teh gayz strike again!
All of 'em, Katie?
"You know, you don’t want the Gay Liberation Movement to morph into something like the Ku Klux Klan, demonstrating in the streets against Catholicism. So, I think if that’s what’s happening, and I don’t know that it is, but I would respect the local pastor’s, you know, position on that."
So wait a minute — the cardinal is worried the gays — whom he thinks are sinners on the authority of nothing more than some arbitrary 2,000-year-old doctrine — are going to turn into the KKK, who, um, also hate the gays on the authority of nothing more than some arbitrary 2,000-year-old doctrine? Yeah, I can understand his concern.
Also, this guy is a fucking bird Cardinal and averages one "you know" per sentence? At least the motherfuckers used to be able to talk good.
please. nobody's sober enough at pride to protest anything.
silly cardinal.
Personally, I think he was just afraid the pride marchers would recognize the NAMBLA members in the priesthood.
sigh. Once again, there's a difference between hating Catholics, which is bigoted and was practiced by many of the wingnuts of the past (before the Irish, Italians etc. weren't considered white) and hating the Catholic Church, a particular powerful institution with a particular ideology which is rather odious in how it treats gay people, along with women and sex in general. And, you know, the whole centuries of systematic cover-ups of child rape.
OK, but who do I blame for Santorum?
Pennsylvania?
Canada?
SATAN?!?
SANTA???!!!??
Rick.
Oh, and his parents, of course. The twisted fucks.
One of my late uncles, possibly the most gentle, kind man I ever met, was distraught by the 1960 Presidential election. He couldn't vote for a Catholic (our family was long-time Methodist at the time, now most have swerved right) and he sure as hell couldn't vote for a Republican so he took to bed sick early that day and stayed in bed the next day.
My maternal forebears were Ulster Scots/Protestants (I use the term 'Scotch Collie) and probably were pretty nasty back in the old sod. My memories growing up of the Catholic Church were that it was the only place in our little town (which often didn't have a restaurant) that 'Mexican' food was available when the parish had their yearly fundraiser.
You were supposed to wait until Christmas to give Uncle Ken our present!
Morph? What the hell are we talking about? The Mighty, Morphing Power Rangers?
Ahh, Amy Jo Johnson…
…wait, what were we talking about again?
Hmm. That's kind of an embarrassing statement, especially from a Catholic member of the cloth. He might have to resign to spend some more time with his family.
Oh, wait.
I think what he's trying to say is "You know who else hated the Catholics?" And in this case, "All of them, Francis." is close to the correct answer.
She got TWO different men to fuck her?
I'm pretty sure that they were "different" in some way.
The mysterious powers of the vagina. They can be used for both good and evil.
As Craig Fergusen would say….
I know!
Well dude, no wonder she strayed. I Google Imaged "Amy Koch and husband" and I got this picture.
Two dogs? I don't get it…
Which one's the rescue, there?
Look at that tongue. I understand now.
try Google images: Michael Brodkorb
Ugly as sin.
Living in sin.
In fairness to Amy, she's such a hottie it's no wonder the staffer couldn't keep his staff out of her. Lotta covered dish has gone down that gullet.
OMG. Wide angle lenses are the devil.
They don't call 'em "Fish Eyes" for nothing Sheriff.
That settles it, she paid the man…
But let's not judge the guy – times are tough.
Ordinarily, I'd have no problem with this. However, he's already employed as her staffer, so he's taking food out of the mouth of an un- or underemployed gigolo.Talk about double-dipping…
A fat chick I know says chubby-chasers are "an urban legend." She's had a few boyfriends that I've known of, but she has a pretty high-paying job, too.
Can't wait for the DVD, right there next to Tonya Harding's Wedding Night.
And Bars- don't forget the bars! Also I thought it was called "hot dish"- 12 oz noodles, 2 cans of cream soup, 1/2 pound of some sort of meat – and then bread crumbs dotted with butter on top . And for the health freaks- add 8 oz of frozen peas
Real foodies prefer canned peas for their bilious pale green hue.
gross
I do what I can.
That poor podium looks mighty stressed
Wait, in that picture… Is the white haired guy in the suit doin' her? Look carefully at his studied air of nonchalance, and her all agitated facial expression. The way she's holding the podium…
The guy in the centre and the woman at the right looking anywhere but at her…..
Yeah, yeah, Fer shur. He's doin' her!
Worst. Orgy. Evah.
He's using both hands to search among the folds of flesh.
Wet spot libel!
Mebbe he'll find a tv remote.
Just more cushion for the pushin'.
And these are the people who specialize in "Michelle Obama is FAAAAT" comments.
Srsly. Irony has died a painful, unmourned death.
This is for whom the term "…a real porker…" was coined.
There's a joke tangled up in there with porker and poker. Or pokeher. Too early for me to string it together.
Why isn't anyone reporting on the real story here? How does Mrs. Amy Koch (R-MN) manage to find two men willing to bang her fat ugly ass?
It gets mighty cold in Minnesota and I bet she can radiate heat like a Franklin stove!
Actually, on second thought, no one is claiming that her hubby still fucks her, so……..
No one is claiming her husband fucks women.
Men being men, not a problem.
Exackly. How many stories have we heard about men a vacuum cleaners?
Well there is the old saying, fat girls and scooters, fun to ride until your friends see you. And this is from a guy who likes a woman to have something to grab onto.
Oh my goodness Beowoof, I have heard a lot of the old sayings but this one is new to me. I'll add it to my "old saying" arsenal and give the credit to you!
We used to say that fat girls are like mopeds, fun to ride, but you don't want anyone to see you on one.
Chubby chasers?
I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard that she introduces herself as 'Any Koch"
No lie.
I'd hit it. Dontcha' know its all good!
Okay, which one of you is John Medeiros? Nah, too subtle for a Wonketteer.
No mention of "buttsechs", so yeah.
Take it from Newt Gingrich, Amy — if you're not careful the gays'll ruin your next marriage too, and then you'll end up with some poorly-crafted simulacrum of a human whose face doesn't move and who can only do a few rudimentary tasks such as play the french horn in a county symphony and write Republican children's books.
Actually, Newt has offered the perfect excuse for her to use: she just loves Minnseoter too much!
HEY, that's the second second time in the last few days that a Wonketeer has made a derogatory remark about French Horn players! Well, at least now I know why I couldn't get the girls in high school.
I played alto sax – most likely the sexiest high school band instrument there is, with the possible exception of electric bass. I couldn't get the girls either. Don't feel bad.
Well I had to spread it around — all the violist jokes have already circulated forever.
Here's a banjo one:
Q. What's the least common question in the English language?
A. "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"
Don't forget signing credit card receipts at Tiffany's.
did the open letter co-signed by Marcus Bachmann ?
To be fair, she has nice teeth.
Must be from all the rawhides. And dry kibble.
And great lower lip action.
Yeah, they fold back…
She would have brought a high price in 1850.
Nicest teeth I ever came across.
And, apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln…
In her vagina, sure.
Ah, yes.
That movie was fucking hilarious! Gross, gruesome, gory, but hilarious.
The better to nibble on another woman's husband's penis.
"she has nice teeth"
All 128 of them.
What bottom feeder was tagging that? I'm sure it was closing time,Last call scrub time.And really screwing a staffer? Who dose she think she is, David Letterman?
Fucking the staffers: It's not just for men anymore.
I just caught a look at the guy she was doing. Lemme tellya, he was lucky to get *that* much pussy.
To be fair, that is a lot of pussy.
No, the size of the pussy has nothing to do with the size of the woman who happens to own it, or so I've found. Although I'm not willing to verify anything having to do with Ms. Koch's pussy, not personally.
So Amy Koch has a mendacious john? And how is that different from Newt or Walnutz? So following on, will Amy be running for Prez in 2016 on the tried and true GoP Adulterers ticket?
OT, but I received an early Xmas gift today – $100.00 from the Bank of America class action suit for their overdraft fee scamming. I'm sure the total payment was nothing to them, but I enjoyed thinking about much it must have cut them to the heart to send out these checks.
I believe the whole amount is considered a right off tax-wise.
Should have known… I'll donate it to OWS, courtesy of a former BOA account holder. And I still get to smirk over the fact that their share price is now a laughable five bucks.
chascates:
I don't think that is correct. Certain penalties may not be taken as business expenses. Parking tickets, for example.
Depending on the wording of the settlement, of course (ask Herman Cain about all that) it may not be a deductible business expense.
In the case of Bank of America the point well may be moot, because in order to take advantage of a business expense deduction an enterprise must first be making a profit…
Just think how they'll feel when you close all of your accounts with them now as an xmas gift to them.
$100.00? So, in the spirit of Wonketeerism, when and where is the keg party?
Damn! I close all my BofA accounts a few weeks ago. Am I outa luck?
If you want sangfroid for Christmas, check BOA's stock price.
THIS Minnesota homo ain't offering no apology to that Koch whore. I would instead like to extend an invitation for her to impale herself on an icicle on her way out of the Capitol.
That's cold.
But well-earned, my man, well-earned.
She will be lucky not to end up with a staff infection.
Ooh, I see what you did there.
#winning
les le bon temps rouler !
It be funny if his name was Sa, get it? MR.SA
Ba dum bum! Very nice.
Oh sweetie. Who does your hair? An enemy?
A gay hairdresser, yes.
Hungover from roofies, heroin, and everclear, maybe.
Did she ask for that cocoa swirlie or what?
All that adultery has barely afforded Amy any time for a cut and color, poor dear.
She sure needs to get a gay guy to fix her fucking hair.
Maybe she already did. Revenge!
I have mixed feeling about this, because I think it's despicable she's trying to impose her views on marriage on everyone else when she can't live up to them herself, while on the other hand we're back to the point where your personal life is a political issue.
yeah, your personal life is a political issue when you are trying to limit everyone else's personal life.
I know — I don't even like reading about celebrities' personal lives, so those of state legislators from Minnesota are just uncalled-for. And they're so dreary and unimaginative that they all just run together after a while. Mean little biddies like her ought to have crazy freaky sex lives if they're going to insist on annoying us with their public prudery and then having affairs.
Hypocrisy: it's a son of a bitch.
On the other hand, it can be short lived. For example, now that Snowbilly is more or less a non-entity, nobody's making mean cracks about her kids anymore.
As always, her personal life is a political issue because of the former. We wouldn't even know who the fuck Amy Koch was if she wasn't such a fucking hypocrite, adn we'll continue to point this out until we make them scream uncle. I harbor no such qualms about working over bullies.
Yup. If you make other peoples' personal lives a political issue, yours is fair game. If not, not. Pretty simple.
Minnesota, Land of the Low-Hanging Fruit… still, nice letter…
TML:
Well-played! I'm reading "Low-Hanging Fruit" at least 3 different ways.
"working so, hard on…"
I'm not buying it! No one would do her…nobody, no how, no way. Oh, wait… someone did Michelle Bachmann…I still don't buy it though.
Marcus hired a guy to take care of it for him; as he wasn't interested. It has to be Michele's nightly prayer, "Oh please let him like pussy".
Apparently, someone did 1L five times, which surpasseth human understanding.
C'mon, now! Every guy has at least one in his line of conquests that he never admits to (but always keeps in the tally).
Google michael brodkorb. Take lots of eye and brain bleach, you'll need it.
oh … oh … Oh … Oh … OH … OH … Harder … Faster … Deeper … OHHH … Do me like the whore I am!! Sigh. Tee-hee. Now I'll check in with God and my hubby, then we can go bash some gays. Again … already?
Yeesh, that did not do my staff/member any favors.
I think she's wearing the Abco 16 oz. Janit-Pro Heavy-Duty. I like that one because it withstands repeated wringings without wrist tiring.
At least she didn't pull a Gingrich and claim it happened because she loves America so much.
PS: Has Koch-Gobbler already been used?
yes.
Do you even have to ask? Have you forgotten where you are?
Looks like I owe somebody a JINX.
I am still trying to figure this out: She was so driven to defend the christian fundamentalist definition of marriage that she wound up fucking around on her husband? And what are these gay and lesbian tactics that Mr. Medeiros speaks of? Whispering in her ear that her staffer is cute? Or is there a whole new field of tactics heretofore sheltered from the hetero world? Is someone weaponizing the arts? Fashion? Music? Fine Cuisine? Literature? Archetecture?
I believe it is called the Gingrich Effect.
I think the current state of the science calls it the Pseudo-Gingrich effect. Koch didn't manifest the full Gingrich effect because her husband is believed to be cancer-free.
Weaponized Broadway musicals: The true threat to traditional marriage.
WTF. That picture. Did he do her on a bet?
Slumpbuster?
At least he broke *something*.
I'm sure he won the bet.
Which reminds me. Has any of our obscure movie fans ever seen this classic about the ugly game?
Just another bad Dr. Paul.
No, but I will, now.
Why did you change your name? Everything OK?
In your style, and in this sappy sentimental solstice season, I've gone back to the OG Radio handle. And may I be the first to wish you a merry fucking xmas and a happy fucking new year, you sweetheart.
Well, merry fucking xmas and a very happy new year to you too! I'll lift a glass of some tasty beverage in your honour! We're doing roast duck again, with taters and turnips. Yum! Here's a hug in advance, more to come.
Did he do her at the vet?
Did he slap her on the rump?
Did he need to use a pump?
Did he pump her on a dare?
Did he pump her in her hair?
then he smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum.
I love dr suess.
If you haven't tried these things, you should.
These things are fun, and fun is good.
I cannot believe you only got 6 upfists for an amazingly funny comment, I spat out food.
Thank you. At least it got the response I was looking for, although I was hoping for a longer thread. Merry Solstice.
Guess she couldn't resist grabbing a L'Oreal Chunky Highlights Kit at Walgreen's when she went to get all that "Halloween" candy.
Because of the timing of her resignation, she became the shortest-tenured majority leader in Minnesota Senate history.
Wiked-pedia is on the case, people.
~
It seems she re tarded her agenda. Good riddance, (R)ypocrite.
Just read the alt-text… keep 'em coming KBJ!
What is the difference between a Minnesota Senate staffer and a rooster?
Nothing?
A rooster says cook-a-doodle-do and a Minnesota Senate staffer says Amy-Koch'll-do.
I… I was gonna say that.
CHN:
And Amy Koch says "any cock'll do."
I would need to be HAMMERED…?
Given that both, apparently, will fuck anything moving, I'm failing to see any.
They're both white, featureless ovoids when they're laid.
A rooster has better sense than to get those tacky highlights?
From an earlier comment I made on this subject after elviouslyqueer posted a picture of her alleged lover with his sparse hair…
I got this picture in my head that "the nasty act" between these two would look something like a slightly hairy hard boiled egg sitting in a large bowl of cottage cheese.
Might I suggest, as an accompaniment to your vivid imagery, the song "Fat Girl" by Steel Panther. (I don't know how to do the linky-linky so you'll have to look it up on iTunes or Youtube yourself).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x67jtMPfdTw
Ha!
And there goes my breakfast.
I hate to reduce this to animal terms, but who in the hell would bang that?
If only pretty people fucked, the world would be an empty place.
OTOH,if there were only people who were pretty fucked, the world would be very annoying.
This is why Dog gave us alcohol.
I wouldn't fuck that with Ann Coulters dick, I'll tell you what.
Teh gheys sure know how to bring the snark and wrap it with a lovely bow. Well done, sir.
Obviously she gets all the dudes hot with that Herman Cain creeptastic smile.
Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…
… and her hot dogs, her donuts, her Doritos
Agh! Thanks for that flashback.
Whenever I hear that song, I have the strangest urge to ring a bell…
She is the biggest of the Koch Bros.
To have a Republican politician get taken down by a sex scandal when that politician is a woman is a pleasantly surprising and groundbreaking victory for feminism; Mrs. Kock should be proud..
Helen Chenoweth surely wasn't *that* long ago?
Two bags still wouldn't be safe.
The Amy Kochtail:
One part essence of real estate lady, two parts Linda Tripp flop sweat, a jar of Miracle Whip, three parts Xanax, two parts Jenny Craig protein shake, two parts Anita Bryant OJ and 18 parts Everclear.
Whip into a frothy slurry and consume only at last call desperation hour.
With a zinfandel chaser.
That's fabulous.
Just one jar? More like 10.
Glad I'm not the only one who saw the reincarnation of Linda Tripp!
She was trying to lay-away the gay.
With looks that, I'm guessing there had to be.
Touché.
Wait, don't those witches congregate nekkid? ick!
Is her name REALLY K O C H ???
Where is George Carlin when we need him??
They say power is sexy, but jeez… it isn't that sexy.
Thank heavens for Ms. Koch. Finally we are getting marriage back to its traditional, sacred form: one man, one woman, one horndog staffer, and one process server.
She's a job creator!
Another HoeBag bites the dust
I think the appropriate Queen song for this would be Fat Bottomed Girls.
She even eats dust?!? Hot damn!
Apparently she was at ground zero when the bottle of highlights exploded at a Regis salon.
Regis? More like Supercuts, if I know anything about it.
She's a big leg woman
She's a big leg woman
She's a big leg woman
But I gotta let her go
But I gotta let her go
But I gotta let her go
Her boyfriend ain't exactly George Clooney.
So the guy was both cheating on (with a married woman) and beating his wife; what a lovely man.
According to the police report, they have "three children aged 3, 3, and just under 2", so he was kind of busy there for a while. But no physical violence (this time) according to the report.
"According to the police report, they have "three children aged 3, 3, and just under 2","
So they had three kids in 30 months? His wife ought to be beating *him* up!
In all fairness, I believe the linked article states that a report was filed over six months ago, and that no actual violence was observed or alleged (which doesn't mean it didn't occur, but it wasn't obvious) at that time. Neither did the article allege that Mr. Brodkorb had ever actually hit his wife either before or after that single incident.
However, upon reading the (readily-available) articles on Michael Brodkorb, it is impossible to conclude that this guy was anything short of a major-league asshole.
My god, if they bred, those kids' eyes would be so close together, they'd be cyclops.
Brodkorb?
seriously, Brodkorb?
WHOA!! Mystery solved!
OT – but far more important than this stupid bitch – House Republicans "cave" on payroll tax cut. Cave. Cave cave cave. Cavecavecavecavecavecavecave!!!
I can't stop saying it! "House Republicans cave!" They caved! THEY CAVED!!
Usually, the word "cave" is coupled with "Democrats." Not this time baby! Cry, John Boehner, you orange sack of whiskey vomit. Cry, baby cry!
There is a God! There is a Santa! Thank you Easter Bunny! Thank you Aqua Buddha! House GOP caved!!!!
(And yes, I know this only happened after the Dems made significant concessions. I know the extension is only for two months. I don't pretend to understand all the silly parliamentary bullshit that went into the process. No one needs to point those things out. Just let me.. savor. The. Moment. Aaaaaah!)
To copy a comment from somewhere else – "they caved like Massey Energy mine"
Too soon!
Cave how? Am I wrong, or does this "cave" only last two months, and forces (allows) Obama to "regretfully" accept the Keystone Pipeline as a "difficult decision" that is necessary to "increase jobs", and yet, leaves us at square one re: our economy? I may be wrong, but it seems to me that it's going to be difficult for Obama to embarrass the R's in two-month chunks until next November.
Stop! You're harshing my buzz! Boehner's eating crow for Christmas dinner. We finally won a battle (a pretty minor one, granted.) These days, we gotta take our joy where we can find it.
Yeah, but he's having that crow shipped in… whadda figging douche.
Funny, I see it as the complete opposite. I'm convinced he's going to indefinitely delay the pipeline. Since OWS, we're controlling the narrative, now, or at least to such an extent that he doesn't have to cave on the pipeline, anymore. I'm betting he's hoping that the political weather will be even bettere by the time February rolls around. Stack on top of that that the state government in red-as-all-kinds-of-hell doesn't want this thing, and it wouldn't even make political sense to approve it.
Here's something that'll extend the joy: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/12/22/1048017/…
Enjoy.
Blink, cave, fold, crumple, whatever. Usually the news is all about how the Democrats have "blinked," "caved," "folded," etc. It's so nice, for once, for it to be the other way around.
If you want to find the Republicans this holiday season, you better go spelunking.
You have to admit, the look on Crybaby Boehner's face is *priceless* in that shot.
"Just let me.. savor. The. Moment. Aaaaaah!"
*lights two cigarettes, passes one to HedonismBot*
What about the onlookers, tessiee? Don't WE get a cigarette too?
"Don't WE get a cigarette too?"
*eyes PalinzADummy suspiciously*
I don't know. Are ya over 21?
By about two-score years or more. Quit bogarting that thang and hand it over, girl.
Big legs
Tight skirt,
'Bout to drive me outta my mind…
(i said this earlier in an hommage to charlize theron ala 'young adult' which for some reason keeps making me laugh)
gross.
I'm thinking the guy didn't so much "schtupp" her as he did "get sucked in by her gravitational pull."
Miss the hole and you get a roll.
♪ ♫ The more the cushion the better the pushin' ♪ ♫
I'm so tired Mr. Night Owl.
Saturnalia?
I wouldn't hit that.
So it's true, then—a Koch can never be too big!
Come on, you guys. She just loves America so much…I mean, why else would these male staffers keep falling into her who-ha? Hengh?
These bastards aren't even trying not to look ridiculous, anymore. Have we finally reached peak crazy?
Oh, snap! Shit just got really real!
You know, as an inveterate night "owl," but not, of course, the user-of-"owls," one of my favorite Wonkette traditions is waiting for you to swoop in and clean up the thread. Merry fucking solstice, bitch. I don't mean to wax sentimental, but you are the barb of the wee hours. You are, my friend, the opposite of those Lexus "December to Remember" commercials. Oh snap! Indeed.
*Some*body's been tasting the *egg-nog*! (Hugs you tightly)
Do you want some? It's more fun when you share.
Unfortunately, my surgeon assures me that healing goes better without alcohol. But you can drink mine for me, and I'll take a hug or two.
Was going to fap later tonight, but that face! My dick has retreated into my abdomen. It will prolly be a week before I can coax it out.
Maybe that vid of One L Michele draping herself over the table offering up that ass will help?
CURED!!!!!!;)
That picture this morning of the lovely lady sailor smooching her lovely lady lover made my day. This story was just the cherry on top.
You know, as a fellow upper midwesterner, I'd always had passing knowledge of Minnesota Nice. It was not until recently that I was introduced to Minnesota Crazy. Do. Not. Like/Want.
As a person from the Northeast, I always thought Minnesota Nice was a symptom of being batshit crazy. So, the two, in my view, are not mutually exclusive.
She has aggressively streaked hair. You know what THAT means.
Oncet I went to Hairmasters and the gal was cutting my hair so badly that I literally had her quit in the middle, went to my usual barber and had my head shaved. My head was cold but it was worth it.
"had my head shaved. My head was cold but it was worth it."
And you got a really cute avatar picture out of the result.
I was trying to decode the look radiating from her eyes in that picture. It's like they're looking straight at me. That penetrating, hungry gaze. I asked myself: why does it seem that her eyes are saying: "Hey delicious, how I would like to reach right through the computer screen and clamp my hands on you, sweetbuns! And then when I do have you firmly in my grasp, mmmmmm…. melt in my mouth."
Then I realized that the cameraman had been holding up a cheeseburger.
Good way for the cameraman to loose an arm…
I'd hit that, pussies
Yep, me too. Two words: food play
I'm seeing chili in the bathtub!
oh! chili! i thought you said mirror.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkU2Ltj7MSM&fe…
happy x-mas, John.
Thanks, Jenny. That was great.
With a snow shovel?
Well, you'll be the sacrifice…errrr…volunteer to "take one for the team," then.
I'm desperate, but no, not that desperate, I would not want to hit that.
So what you're saying is that you'll do anything for love…but you won't do that, right?
Oh no, (no no) no I won't do that.
I dunno, rock – that is one large woman…. gives a whole new meaning to "heat in the winter, shade in the summer".
Get her tattooed, and you have moving pictures year 'round!
I'm with you; you know, you just know, that she brings the screaming crazy sex. Its those crazy eyes, this is the kinda psycho I have been talking about lo these many years whenever I have mentioned the freaky crazy-chick sex.
*You've* been doing her TOO?
Oh my…the staffer who was screwing her "previously operated the site Minnesota Democrats Exposed, where he often trafficked in scurrilous gossip to make his political enemies look bad."
hahahaha!
DId the staffer stuff 'er?
The old "stuff and dump?"
At this point, I don't know how much more Koch I can take.
Did she get those teeth out of a plastic vat at the checkout counter at Casey's General Store? What a fucking roach.
Koch is a helluva drug. Don't do Koch, kids.
Does anyone else find "staff member" sort of redundant in context?
she didn't
I'll hit that, but its gonna cost her
Dare I say "Closet Gay"
No, you dare not. We don't want her, she's *yours.*
She looks quite the dirty girl. She's got this smug "I been suckin' some dick" look on her face there.
Not hard to see this one coming – her name is, after all, Miss Koch…
Those passive-aggressive gays have poor grammar and, well, some of the words they use, they do not mean what they seem to think they mean. For me, it destroyed the humor of it.
Hey… I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
I would kick her out of bed for being a vile hater of people and their rights… oh and… she wouldn't be there in the first place so…
DaR:
There isn't enough room on the floor, either.
If she ever had to haul ass it would take two trips.
If you knew how many packs of Ritz she could put down in a single sitting, you'd reconsider.
Sleeve of Ritz
Like Pixie Stix.
Plenty of ham,
Jug of jam,
Can of Spam,
Wham bam thank you Ma'am.
Personally, I like Bull Moose Jackson's version, but you can never go wrong with Louis Jordan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql_thrJQyPo
Big Fat Mammas Are Back In Style Again!
John Medeiros' letter makes "cheap and tawdry" sound like a bad thing.
Isn't that the whole idea? What other kind of affair is there?
The kind that involves million dollar lines of credit at Tiffany's? Those get your past marriages annulled toot sweet. Nothing like the blessing of the Holy See to change "cheap and tawdry" into "Endorsed by the American Family Association".
Hey wait! This is not fair and balanced. The FLOTUS publicly agreed to have sex with an enlisted man (!) who is NOT her husband, but no one asks this gay marriage enthusiast to resign! Typical liberal hypocrisy.
Watch this at Funny or Die. The Bachmanns, featuring a flamming Marcus.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ab585b5b/the-b…
You know, this letter got me to thinking, and its great, a good thing, for teh gays to finally take responsibility for one of the traditional marriages that has been ruined by gay marriage. Its a great start, but its not enough. Isn't it finally time for all of us, all of us liberal progressives, and all the free-love espousing, "if it feels good do it" hippies, and all the cultural relativists who reject traditional sexual morality, isn't it finally time for all of us to write a letter to the Roman Catholic Church, apologizing for creating the libertine atmosphere in society that made all those "celibate" priests go on a child-fucking spree?
Is that a Papist Smear?
Slippery slope of apology.
A nice thought indeed, but you can't blame the hippies for this one. I'm pretty sure Catholic priests have been child-fucking for centuries.
No.
Wazzat you I saw walkin over to Big Leg Emma;s House?
Baby, Big Leg Emma get thru with you, ain't no walkin' left to do.
You mighta seen me crawling back for mo', tho.
Here's a front page story about the asshole who was poking the Koch hoe.
Sounds like a Karl Rove wannabe.
http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/13…
I'm finding this photo increasingly difficult to fap to.
errrr of which to fap
I'm finding, to fap to this photo , it is increasingly difficult…..
whatevs
Is it me, or is her head shaped like the head of a Lego character?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2628/3958855477_fd…
Could be Callista, who the hell knows…
Appearing for the prosecution – Joe Tex. Disco lives!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrqOG9U6VyU
In rebuttal for the defense (with some fine guitar playing) – Chick Willis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eSJePwRQaQ&fe…
Thank you very much for exposing me to this fine, fine music. No snark. I am seriously already in lerve with this guy.
PZAD:
When we bring the light to the heathen it isn't often enough we get thanked for the good work.
Glad you like it! The best part is, Chick Willis is alive and kickin. As Shel Silverstein wrote, "Nashville is rough on the livin', But she really speaks well of the dead."
Enjoy this wonderful R&B genius while he's still with us.
And here is one of my favorite album covers.
Chick Willis of course: http://music.yahoo.com/chick-willis/albums/stoop-…
I get the feeling that this is the music that Dolemite guy listens to when he gets home.
Kathryn Jean Lopez has got nothin' on her.
That letter?
*kisses bunched-together fingertips*
That letter is truly a Wonkette-level gem of snark.
Diablo Cody just wrote the screenplay.
The Minnesota republicans are the dumbest repiglicans on Earth.
What a lovely letter. Gays are nice.
Thanks. (hugs the nut)
I knew I could count on you.
And since seasonal drunken greetings appear to be the order of the day/week, and I just had my stitches removed so extra drugs!, let me take this opportunity to wish you a very happy holiday season. May the booze/drugs/consciousness-alteration of choice achieve its aim, and may the year to come be better for you than every year that preceded it.
Feel better, and enjoy the drugs, darlin'.
Thank you, I am! I have visions of us all wearing our rainbow-colored matching hoods & sheets (and charming footwear, pref. with wheels and brakes for the mobility-impaired) marching in a giant day-glo-rainbow protest against the church and its minions. We win, and convince them that partaking in a giant acidfest-cum-orgy is the best way to dissipate the bad vibes/chemically/psychologically-induced angst. Fade to black.
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