A fitting tribute to a great statesman.Past and future failed Senate candidate George Allen held a Facebook town-hall with Virginia shut-ins and others who could not click the “X” button in time. Okay, wait. Were we not explicitly promised that the 2006 clip of Allen calling a rival campaign staffer “macaca” was THE END of his political career, which at one time included even some aroused grunting in the direction of the Presidency? Maybe not, because Allen’s still running for Senate. And, wouldn’t you know it, the camera set him up again!

In this episode of JUST STOP SAYING WORDS IT’S SO EASY, the former fluke governor/senator┬ápulses with joy over having to actually talk to potential voters.

Of course, the campaign is blaming “technical difficulties” for Allen’s tantrum. Hmm. Can Virginia really afford a potential senator whom all technology has vowed to destroy, comically? [HuffPo]

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  • SorosBot

    Why isn't he holding his football in the video?

    • Because he is sitting on it.

    • Why isn't he wrapped in the Stars and Bars? The least he could do is one of those Confederate doo-rags.

  • memzilla

    Oops, he did it again.

    Isn't Rep. Eric "Ratface" Cantor from the same Virginia district that Sen. George "Macaca" Allen was?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I thought senators served "at large" rather than a certain district. Of course, Virginia; what the fuck do I know?

      • memzilla

        You're right. And further research shows they are both originally from Plutocrat Corners, Virginia.

        • Loaded_Pants

          West end Richmond, represent!

    • Terry

      Eric Cantor is from Richmond and went to college and law school in Virginia. George Allen was born in California and lived there then Chicago, then back to southern California, following his father's career as an NFL coach. Allen was in college when his father became coach of the Redskins and Allen (the son) transferred to UVa when his family moved east.

      • yyyaz

        Typical 'thuglican dickweed: they sprout wherever they're blown.

        • Shit, if that was the case, they'd be sprouting up all over the place. NOBODY likes to shoot their wad all over the nation as much as the Republicans. They're a fucking walking talking bukkake performance.

      • Loaded_Pants

        And if you criticize Cantor you're labelled an "Anti-Semite" so that ends all logical criticism of him. It's the lesser-known "Jew-card" that doesn't get played as much.

        • Only because any Jew worth their salt looks at the shitfaced little weasel and immediately mutters, "oy, such a shonda fur die goyim" under their breath and moves away fast.

  • user-of-owls

    Macaca is as macaca does.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    George is also known for asking brown people "what position did you play?", the implication that all dark people are good at sports. George was also a body part double in his "Human Anatomy" class-he was the asshole.

    • You're much too kind. The anus serves a needed, if often unattractive, function.

  • user-of-owls

    the camera set him up again!

    Camera is this generation's bitch.

    • And the Intertubes the pimp?

  • Schmannnity


    • fuflans


  • Baconzgood


    • chicken_thief

      That's "camo" to Boehner.

      • WunkRocker

        Deep Shrimp.

    • MADE OF HEMP!!!

  • DaRooster

    I can never get enough "God Bless America" stickers on imported cars myself…

    • Akin to your local Wal-Mart having a big-ass Murikan flag in the parking lot.

  • sbj1964

    "I always feel like somebody's watching me,and I got no privacy." As the song go's.

  • Troglodeity

    Poor baby.

  • But I hit the delete button.

  • Baconzgood

    Worst web cam sexy time sex show EVAR!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Whaddya mean? He stuck it right in his mouth and swallowed!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    George's nose is so big he can pick one nostril with two thumbs. Makes Rudolph jealous.

    • Buckminster

      Wonder what potent potable he drank for breakfast.

      • fuflans

        right? he's so very fucking red.

  • Needz moar teleprompters!

  • I think he was hoping that zombie Alan Funt would have appeared saying he was on Candid Camera…. or better yet moaning "Brainz Brainzzzz" then being disappointed when it found none in Georgie Macaca.

  • V572 the Merciless

    You gotta love that stricken, frozen, utterly fake-looking smile during the uncomfortable silence.

    Makes you want to see that vid of Wolfowitz licking his comb again.

    • Limeylizzie

      No, no it does not.

      • V572 the Merciless

        I was just going to add: NOTHING could make me want to see that again.

      • I'll add to that. Ummmm (thinks carefully), no.

    • Buckminster

      Not quite as creepy as Herman Cain in the Pokemon smokemon commercial….

    • Not_So_Much

      Thanks, now the nightmares of what other non-traditional grooming habits he has are back.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Congratulations, George. You've just earned an Academy Award™ nomination for your deft portrayal of a grinning, moronic poopsack.

    • user-of-owls

      And the cameraman is a shoo-in for Best Score.

    • Rotundo_

      George didn't merely play a role, he became a grinning, moronic poopsack. Well, actually he didn't become a grinning, moronic poopsack, he already was one. Let's just say that being a grinning, moronic poopsack is something George was born to do, developed and honed to a razor's edge. A grinning, moronic poopsack among grinning, moronic poopsacks. He has transcended grinning moronically while being a poopsack. (Sorry, I just like the term grinning moronic poopsack, particularly when applied to someone who it sums up simply and eloquently.)

  • Next time Boner will be there to shut the camera off.

  • Barb

    This guy has all the sincerity of a hand job.

    • prommie

      Ahh, I am overcome with nostalgia whenever I see or hear the word "handjob." The lost innocense of youth, when the world was somehow brighter, and even a lowly handjob was a thing of wonder and joy.

      • Barb

        Prommie, you have no idea the sick Country Time Lemonade commercial that is playing in my head right now. "remember the good old day, tire swings, drive-in movies and beating your man's dick like it owes you money"

        • prommie

          Some time in one's 20s, it seems to me, the handjob ceases to be a stand-alone option, replaced completely by the blowjob.

          • MissTaken

            According to Glamour Magazine the handjob is staging a comeback, some sort of Retro Revival thing. They even give tips (haha, tips!). Then again, they also talk about Kim Kardashian like she's an actual person we should pay attention to, so who knows?

          • prommie

            Next thing you know, pubic hair will make a comeback!

          • My daughter attends Santacon in NYC as a "Hanukkah Bush." She wears a flesh colored body suit with masses of glued on pubic hair. (We're so proud!)
            Upon seeing her last year, this older lady told her granddaughter: "See, I told you pubic hair was coming back!"

          • finallyhappy

            So does she get the pubic hair from Borat or from some Brazilian wax place?

          • SorosBot


        • Bonghits4Jesus

          Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Obviously, you are talking about the "administered by others" variety. I never doubt the sincerity of a self-administered HJ.

      • Tundra Grifter

        BTF: As Woody Allen wrote, at least its sex with someone you love.

    • WhatTheHeck

      I gotta hand it to you, Barb. You always hit the nail on the head.
      As for George’s sincerity, he looks down at his hands and sings, “Big hands, I know you’re the one.”

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Upfist for all-too-rare VF ref.

    • Buckminster

      With much less satisfying results.

    • Toomush_Infer

      What have you got against hand jobs….?

  • JackDempsey1

    Um, what I saw in this clip is a guy reciting Mr. Rogers-style holiday tripe, followed by about 30 seconds of dead air, followed by 15 seconds of grade2-level complaint. In other words, about 790% less offensive language than you would hear if you set up a microphone to record the average dad setting up the Xmas train.
    Did you edit out the part where he shoves Tiny Tim down the basement stairs?

    • Baconzgood

      Why isn't the fucking bitch of a transformer working? I spent a hundred and fifty bucks on the god damn thing last year and even put it back in the fucking box and stored it under the god damn bed and the mother fucker doesn't work?

      • JackDempsey1

        Most Americans are incapable of dialogue which isn't more closely tied to the movies or tv:
        "I'm tired of these muthafuckin snakes on this muthafuckin train (set)."

    • prommie

      Wonkette would Nevar make a molehill into a mountain in order to score a cheap laugh, Nevar!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What is this, some kinda GOP cinema verite?

    • V572 the Merciless

      Needs moar handheld camera shakes.

      • user-of-owls

        The George Bitch Project.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What happened to the people who were sitting in the chairs behind him? Raptured? Or did they just get bored and leave? I know which I would have done.

    • Buckminster

      The reindeer and elves ate them.

  • Huevos Ocupados

    needz moar……something.

  • chascates

    Politicians emulating Hollywood celebrities now.

    • fuflans

      without the, you know, looks, brains and intelligence of your average b-list hollywood celeb.

  • edconley7

    Ohhhh.waaughhh… I have to pretend to like people for a living waughhh….

    • Buckminster

      Yeah, get out of politics, douche.

  • Goonemeritus

    The Senator has yet to learn his lesson that word choice matters that taping should be called enhanced not torturous.

    • MzNicky

      I was just thinking, he calls sitting in a chair fake-smiling at a camera "tortuous"? Hey redneck fuck in the orange tie, tell it to the waterboarded. Oh wait, that's not torture, I forgot.

  • That video has all the appeal, quality, and content of a tranny webcam from Thailand at $5.99 per minute.

    • chicken_thief

      The feed from Alabama is only $1.99 per minute – and has guns and pink dildos!

    • I'm not going to ask how you know that.

    • Ladyboys has them for less and they're prettier.

  • Y'know how they say the most dangerous place in the world is between politician X…say, Chuck Schumer…and a camera?

    For George Allen, the most dangerous place in the world IS the camera.

  • DaRooster

    "Damn, blow makes ya thirsty."

  • Dudes! (and Dames!)

    You gotta turn on beta closed captioning on the clip! It's even funnier than the actual words! (Click the "cc" box)

    • user-of-owls

      Ha, brilliant!

      cerebrospinal painted three

      Oh, this is just fan-fucking-tastic!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Being profoundly hard of hearing, I do that all the time. Makes nearly any YouTube video x2 the fun.

    • Biff

      I do NOT look forward to him kissing me, evar!

      • WunkRocker

        cerebrospinal painted three is gonna be my next Quintet band name.

      • user-of-owls

        What are you accusing of that your questions your?!

  • RadioYKWE

    He should have just asked: "What position do you like?" Problem fixed.

  • neiltheblaze

    Lame. Why, he didn't even hurl an ugly, yet obscure, racial epithet.

  • Baconzgood

    Off topic.

    Hey Ken,
    Can you please take down the photo shopped Kim Jong nakid picture that keeps popping up in the corner. I find it very disturbing.

    • Translation: "Hey Ken wontcha gimme somethin' I can masterbate to, huh? Huh?!?!"

      • HedonismBot

        Maybe more like "wontcha give me something that doesn't turn me off from masturbating for the rest of my life?"

    • He won't listen unless you can prove you were only 4 blocks from that picture. So sorry.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Bring back the old man in the Walmart bag. I love that guy!

  • You need a few lessons, George, from the master: "Fuck it we'll do it live!"

  • edgydrifter

    The video was, uh… "hacked?" Yeah. That's it. Terrorist left-wing camera hackers!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, that's nothing — if you wanna see a whiny brat throw a tantrum, wait until after his concession speech.

  • chascates

    Romney's found one way to avoid those pesky flip-flops:

    In two TV interviews today, GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney refused to take a stance on the biggest issue in Washington today: the extension of the payroll tax holiday.

    • chicken_thief

      And managed to do so while blasting the Kenyan for his lack of leadership.

  • chascates

    And now McConnell urges passage of short-term payroll tax cut extension.

    • HedonismBot

      They've finally gone too far on something. I mean, what the Democrats and the rest of this country's thick-headed voters consider to be "too far."

  • proudgrampa

    OT: In that ad to the right about the Medium Next Door, what the hell is a "Physic Insight?"

    • chascates

      Some reference to Kourtney?

    • chicken_thief

      A colonoscopy? Or Boehner with his head up his ass?

  • oooh I detected — is it possible? — sarcasm in that last bit, "Let's do this again tomorrow!" From a Republican that's quite something.

    Mostly though I'm disappointed Allen didn't display more diva-like qualities between takes, uttering streams of profanities in a complete reversal of the fake glib persona shown to the public. A friend of mine who shoots local ads for things like auto dealers and high-interest ("Pay NOTHING down until 2013!") furniture warehouses has compiled enough discarded footage of the local actor personalities shilling for these businesses to splice devilshly good blooper reels; he's shown them at parties sometimes and I can only say George here has nothing on the meltdowns I've seen in the name of getting some scripted message across.

    • HedonismBot

      Allen could probably make good money shilling products in Japanese TV commercials.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    If this guy popped up in my Chat Roulette, I think I'd rather watch someone else jack off.

  • MrFizzy

    Sorry – not very interesting. Just a worn out redneck in a suit.

  • Does the schaden freude itself?

    YES! I believe it does.

  • Jerri

    I can't listen to the sound at work, so I'm going to assume it goes a little something like this:

    "Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low income nobodies….."

    Aide: "Election in November, election in November."

    "What? Again? This stupid country."

  • Sue4466

    Okay, that was really boring.

    • user-of-owls

      Maybe he's running for Pawlenty's seat?

  • HedonismBot

    Allen seems to feel the same way about filming promos for voters that us unemployed schlubs feel when the job interviewer at McDonald's asks us to explain "why do you want this job?"
    Telling the truth – "I really need the money" – just doesn't fly. And every other answer is too insincere to give with a straight face. Sometimes, pretending to give a shit is just too much to ask, whether you're trying to get a minimum wage job or trying to impress those lowly voters.

  • SpiderCrab

    Whom the gods hope to destroy they first render into a comical putz.

    • mereoblivion

      By Zeus, will Massa Geo'ge be plucking his eyes out next?

  • Tundra Grifter

    If that was a "tantrum," George Allen is the most whitebread-boring person on the face of this earth.

  • user-of-owls

    Hey Kaia, you looking for a schtick? You know, like The Ken & Angsty Show, or Riley's Violent Pacifism…something to stand out from the crowd?

    How about Today's Greatest Pander with DJ Kaia? I think you're a swell gal and here's one to get you started:

    Romney: I'd Deport Obama's Uncle!

    • RadioYKWE

      Now that's the kind of tough guy talk from a milquetoast candidate the teabaggers want to hear.

      • user-of-owls

        Bachmann: I'd Dig Up Obama's Momma!

        Perry: I'd Dig Up Obama's Momma & Kill Her Agin'!

        Gingrich: I'd Dig Up Obama's Mother, Kill Her Again and Then Deport Her!
        Blitzer: And??
        Gingrich: I'd Dig Up Obama's Mother, Kill Her Again and Then Deport Her…To Space!!

        Paul: If He's White, We Tight; If He's Brown, 'Outta Town'

        • Radiotherapy

          They do know his momma was white, right?
          And you forgot the Santorum: He would strap down the whole family, put rats on their abdomens, cover them with pots and heat the pots as the rats gnawed into their viscera to escape the heat…c'mon Obama is a baby killer Marxist and he deserves it.

          • user-of-owls

            Rick was planning to take that stance, but Jules Manson already trademarked it.

          • Radiotherapy

            It's an old Catholic trick for those evil heliocentrists.

          • Hey! I read that story!

  • V572 the Merciless

    Allen is just another victim of the Gotcha media, although in this case the getters were working for him.

    Just like Obstetro-Congressman Ron Paul, whose past statements, wherein he spouts insane racist bullshit to match his insane social bullshit, are getting raked over by the media. Why are the lamestream media doing this? Because they can't let him win! Plus they look like dipshits if he wins and that can't happen either.

    He's a scary, awful, heartless man, and I do so hope he wins Iowa. Or Ricky S.

    • proudgrampa

      Your comment reminds me that Paul is (was?) an ob-gyn. I do think that if I were a woman, I would be fairly frightened by a guy like that looking at my hoo-ha.

      • I presume you are a proud grampa in real life too. How would you feel about having that dood looking at your daughter's or wife's hoo-ha?

        • proudgrampa

          I am, indeed, a Proud Grampa. I wouldn't want that guy looking at anyone's hoo-ha.

          • Yay and upfists all around for ProudGrampa. I'm betting on you being very popular wiv the grandkids.

  • sbj1964

    President Obama made the Republicans choke on their Raspberry Kool-aid today !

    • finallyhappy

      Blue Raspberry(I know because I only use it to dye wool)

  • sbj1964

    Ron Paul published some really nasty Racist shit even for a Republican.But let's remember Republicans don't hate minority's;They hate poor people,and the middle class!They don't have time to dice us all up.

    • SorosBot

      The space bar is your friend; use it.

      • sbj1964

        S p a c e Bar, N A Z I ?

      • Yes but have you noticed, intensedebate doesn't allow for double-space following punctuation or much elsewhere. Sort of ends up looking crowded either way.

        • sbj1964

          I use a Voice headset kind of glitchy.I'm over it.

        • I noticed that right away, being a two-space grrl.

  • PolitiComm

    I agree with George Allen on something! That was torturous.

  • yyyaz


    too ugly ….

  • ttommyunger

    And the "Big Dumb Cunt of the Year" Award goes to……..You guessed it.

  • fuflans

    fuck it! we'll do it live!

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