World Eagerly Awaits Christmas Miracle of Dick Cheney's Death

We don't believe in an interventionist god, so today's cheery eyewitness report of Dick Cheney being "enfeebled" at a death-war military contractor's holiday cocktail ritual doesnotmake us believe we're all going to have a very merry Christmas. We must remember that Dick Cheney has been legally dead about a hundred times, and he is also not human . So why spoil the season by chanting wishes and invocations over each Chanukah candle or Christmas pie? So, take thisNew York Postreport for what it's worth: Dick Cheney made a grim-reaper appearance at (naturally) "a party to welcome Northrop Grumman CEO Wes Bush to DC at former George W. Bush adviser Bobbie Kilberg’s home in McLean, Va." And it even startled the merchants of death who make up the Bush/Cheney Military-Industrial Murder Complex, because Cheney's face was covered in an oxygen mask and he was too weak to stand.

As for George W. Bush and Dick Cheney's defense contractor pals hanging around the blood punch, we can only assume they're plotting the "War Against Iran" or whatever other country the cabal is going to attack next, with Obama's milquetoast approval. But let's stick to the festive part of this story, for now.

Truly it is a "memory for the season" to think of Cheney wheeled around like Dennis Hopper inBlue Velvet, with the gravediggers waiting outside and the sun ready to burst through the winter gloom in celebration.

But a "Cheney representative" sort of halfway denied the gossip, by saying that Cheney was supposedly spending Christmas in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, with his coven in their underground temple. So, it's not really a denial at all, and Christmas isn't hereyet, so maybe Santa Claus and the Baby Jesus will give the Planet Earth a very special holiday present after all. God bless us, everyone! [ New York Post ]