Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)

  true facts

Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to personally inform the Stay-Puft madman Newt Gingrich that he is a “fucking asshole,” to his face? You are not alone! Tom Sorensen of Iowa City shares your dream! So this is exactly what he did, in a grocery store where Newt was stomping around burping his own praises at unsuspecting shoppers. Newt then responded ominously, “luckily, it’s a free country.” FOR NOW, he means. Newt Gingrich’s first act as President will be to open a gulag in the basement of a foreclosed Radio Shack outside Tempe named for its initial occupant, Tom Sorensen.

Ha ha, also “luckily” for Sorensen, this will never happen because Newt Gingrich will never be President. Why? Mostly because Newt is sinking in the polls, which may or may not be tied to the fact that he is going around telling people not to vote for him.

From the Des Moines Register:

Newt Gingrich told a gay man and longtime resident of Oskaloosa here today that he should vote for President Obama.

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,” said Scott Arnold, an adjunct professor of writing at William Penn University.”

Arnold, a Democrat, said he came to the event at Smokey Row coffee house with an open mind. But he wanted to ask Gingrich about how he would represent him as president after reading past comments the former U.S. House Speaker has made about gay and lesbians.

“When you ask somebody a question and you expect them to support all Americans and have everyone’s general interest,” Arnold said. “It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side. That he doesn’t need your support.”

Yep, “fucking asshole” about says it. [TPM/CNN]

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365 comments

    1. GOPCrusher

      Sadly enough, these pieces of shit don't get told often enough that they are, as a matter of fact, pieces of shit.

      1. tessiee

        Somewhere around the Reagan era, the journalists whose job it is to call politicians on their shit got the idea that it was bad form to ask questions and hold people (by which I mean Republicans) accountable for their actions. Since they won't uphold their responsibility, someone's gotta do it.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      I've always wondered what is a "wad" of "fucks"? The group of potential GOP Presidential candidates this year finally answered that question.

      1. PalinzADummy

        I'm sure Newter's getting so little strange under Callista's watchful eye that using "fucking" in the same sentence as his name probably causes him as much delight as orgasms once used to.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Sorenson is no Oscar Wilde or Limeylizzie, but "fucking asshole" does have the virtue of directness.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        Newt's new campaign motto: "Gingrich–much like an odoriferous orifice, he's dedicated to the elimination of waste."

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          too many syllables for the morons, keep it simple…"Gingrich- much like an asshole he's full o' shit"

          1. billy_reuben

            Shorter slogan still — 'Newt Gingrich: a fucking asshole'

            (parsimony is where it's at, ladies and gentlemen)

  1. RadioYKWE

    Wolf is such a tool. "I didn't exactly hear what that guy said to Newt…I know he used a bad word." What. A. Fucking. Asshole.

  2. freakishlywrong

    But he is a fucking asshole. And in Newt's circle, and amongst his peers, that's a compliment.

  3. user-of-owls

    While I wouldn't go so far as to call the guy a 'babe,' there certainly is truth coming outta his mouth!

  4. donner_froh

    The gheys are very sneaky. The guy looked just like a real Iowa-American: well padded, dressed in head to toe camouflage, gray hair and goatee. No wonder poor Newtie was fooled into talking to him.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Do you really think Newt would have been fooled by a lisping twink? Please, Newt is the "intellectual" of the GOP & would have seen right through that clever disguise.

  5. prommie

    Sometimes it takes a fucking asshole to be the defender and restorer of civilization. Have any of you ever thought of that, huh, wiseguys?

    1. snackypants

      You know who else was a fucking asshole who promised to be the defender and restorer of civilization?

  6. ChernobylSoup

    Upon hearing him described as a fucking asshole, Newt's approval rating with Iowan evangelicals went up eleven points.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      If he had been called a "freakin' you-know-what-hole", his approval ratings would have went up by 30 points among Iowan evangelicals. They don't like all that cussin' so much.

      1. tessiee

        "They don't like all that cussin' so much."

        Yeah, but judging by how many evangelicals get caught with rent boys, apparently they *do* like fucking assholes.

  7. teebob2000

    At about 0:48 Acosta says, "it is something that he will admit himself." I of course thought he meant Gingrich thinks of himself as a fucking asshole. Which he probably does.

    1. Callyson

      I'd say "an also – ran," but I think his presence on the Greedy One Percent ticket will only help Obama…

      1. anniegetyerfun

        That's unfair. There are fecal-encrusted hemorrhoids who could offer significantly smarter policy proposals than that shitclown.

    2. Chichikovovich

      These are excellent suggestions, gang. Really top drawer and I admire them all. But so far I haven't seen anything here that is nearly so five-minutes-of-incessant-spasmodic-dry-heaves revolting as simply "Newt Gingrich".

    3. tessiee

      I said, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer", and I *meant*, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer".

    1. Chichikovovich

      Marcus Bachmann's asshole?

      (Moved from below, after Lionel H deleted his original, identical comment this was a response to.)

      1. Loaded_Pants

        No, she wasn't a fucking asshole. But she had a talking asshole which was often mistaken for her mouth.
        (With apologies to William Burroughs).

          1. Chichikovovich

            Yeah, Blitzer couldn't pull it off. But on Pierre Trudeau's lips…., He typically radiated contempt at stupid questions that he felt were a waste of time, and in this case he was sending out disdain-waves of an intensity thought only possible from Her Majesty the Queen, and then only if a drunken subject tried to cop a feel. I'm still amazed that TV tubes weren't fried across the country when he told the pack of yapping journalists – just a hint of a sneer on his lips – that no, he couldn't remember what he said, or mouthed, or whatever, but it may have been "fuddle duddle", then just walked away. Thing of beauty really.

          2. Angry_Marmot

            Didn't LBJ once say to a journalist, "Are you gonna ask the leader of the Free World a chicken-shit question like that?"

          3. tessiee

            I heard the story of LBJ saying something to the effect of, "I may not know everything, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad", but yours sounds like something LBJ would have said.

  8. chascates

    Just like Herman Cain's 'Run for President Book Tour' Newt will make money even if he ends up dead ass last. And I'd look for a new Mrs. Gingrich if Ellis the Elephant doesn't start moving more copies.

  9. fartknocker

    Note to CNN programming staff: If you type the letters F**CKING A$$HOLE on your scrolling graphics, we in America will understand what he said.

    This man deserves numerous kudos.

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans.

    Am I the only one that would be more interested in Rick Perry's answer?

    Or Marcus Bachmann's?

      1. Extemporanus

        It occurred to me after leaving it that my comment inadvertently called to mind your much appreciated Hedbergian sense of humor.

        Also, severed feet make great stocking stuffers.

          1. Extemporanus

            I was at the airport a while back and some guy said, "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said, "Dude! I saw you at the airport…about a minute ago…and you were good."

      1. Loaded_Pants

        Is "Tiffany's" Newt's sexy parts or Callista's?

        Never mind. Just asking the question has made me ill…
        EDIT: Why would I think either of them had "sexy parts"? UGH. I'm off the hang myself now.

      1. PalinzADummy

        At least two. He dumped the second ex over the phone. She was over at her Mom's house celebrating Mother's Day, having just found out that she had MS. Newt calls and tells her he wants a divorce to marry Callista. What a winner.

  11. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You see, this is why, as annoying as it is for Iowa and New Hampshire to go first, it at least forces everyone to actually go out and talk with people. There is something about having a potential president show that he can handle whatever random ass person comes up to him. Hell, I would think it would be perfect experience for dealing with Iran…., or Congress.

        1. Loaded_Pants

          Michele: "You want me to strap this on? But why?"
          Marcus: "Just shut up & do it! Remember that you should submit to your husband even before he submits to you!"

  12. Ducksworthy

    And then we have CNN apologizing for the fuckwad by citing his talking point the "he arouses passions" as if somehow Newtie was turning people on to something other than nausea. Fucking CNN.

    1. memzilla

      Another example of "False Equivalence," the corporate media's presentation of two sides of an issue as having equal merit. Not to be confused with "Objectivity."

    2. PalinzADummy

      Funny you should say that. Just as I turned that clip on, I suffered the most horrific attack of nausea I can remember. (This from someone who eats sea urchin gonads, i.e., not much makes ME puke.)

    3. elviouslyqueer

      Oh please, I called bullshit on the whole clip after Acosta claimed that he was anchoring a "family program such as this." You aren't on fucking Sesame Street, you fucking moron.

    1. tessiee

      I'm not sure I agree. I mean, "Joe the Plumber" was at least intentionally funny.
      He was intentionally funny, right?

      1. RadioYKWE

        I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
        But Hitler, or Stalin, always works.

        1. user-of-owls

          I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
          But Hitler,….

          This comment has been deleted by the user.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      The other kind is the asshole that is being fucked. But that is always a much better kind whether it applies to individuals and/or sexual acts.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    There's just something so therapeutic about the word "asshole," the way it rolls off the tongue. AAASSSSS-HOOOOOLE. And adding the modifier "fucking" is just gravy.

  14. DerrickWildcat

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

    Adulterers and Homosexuals are both in the, "Shall be put to death" bible boat. You'd think they'd want to team up and help each other.
    I'm just trying to be helpful.

  15. memzilla

    Now is the time to make the word "Newt" synonymous with something as disgusting as "Santorum."

    I was thinking "anal fistula," but that's a little obscure.

    How about we call it "Newt," that yellow-green pus that oozes from one's genitals from a syphilis or gonorrhea infection? As in "Doctor, it hurts when I take a leak, and I've got all this Newt coming out!" Or "Honey, my Newt's really bad tonight, I don't think we should f*** right now."

    Any other Wonketeer suggestions?

    1. James Michael Curley

      That crusty stuff that collects in the areas old or obese people can't reach when they bathe.

    2. vtxmcrider

      Since Gingrich is such a fat, bloviating gasbag, it is appropriate for "newt" to mean simply "comically tiny cock," as in: "Callista has to fumble in the dark for his newt."

  16. Chichikovovich

    Seems like only yesterday afternoon that Chet Kinkaid was telling us about some guy calling Newt a f—ing a–hole. You mean it happened a second time?

    1. LetUsBray

      Now that you mention it, you'd think someone calling a fucking asshole like Newt Gingrich a fucking asshole would be your classic example of a dog bites man story, as cliche as a rainy day in Seattle or a "Family Values" conservative caught diddling rent boys. You almost wonder how it's still news.

  17. Pithaughn

    I'm guessing that fella will now be known as Tom the Truther, for ever, even if it turns out his name is not Tom but Richard.

  18. Mort_Sinclair

    If Gingrich were a true statesman, like our form Veep Dick Cheney, he would have told this gentleman to "Go fuck himself." Gingrich is clearly not presidential material.

    1. Negropolis

      That's what she said.

      But, seriously, it's going to be so satisfying at the end if this thing keeps on going like it is.

  19. Spurning Beer

    Newt is running to be the President of Republican People in the United States. It's not like he would be the president for gay, black, latino, or muslim people, you know.

  20. spends2much

    What an inspiring inaugural speech Newtie would give, as he addressed the segments of Murrica he gives a shit about, while telling the rest of the populace to cover their ears or go have gay sex on a pile of bibles, or whatever it is he thinks we perverted Libruls do.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "white rural high home -school-educated evangelical Christians."

      There you go sir/ma'm. Fixed right up as good as new.

      1. V572 the Merciless

        "white rural high home-schooled educated evangelical Christians."

        Because don't kid yourself: home "schooling" and education are two different things. One of them gives you empathy for others, the ability to function in society, an understanding that everything isn't about you, and a respect for legitimate figures of authority.

        The other one can easily make you a narcissistic asshole. Newt wasn't home-schooled, but went to high school in Columbus GA, where every other kid was an Army brat like him, and you can bet he spent several years at DoD schools when his father was stationed overseas. They can be very good schools, but it's a closed environment, even moreso overseas.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Very true. Good eye. And while we're at it:

          "white rural high home-schooled educated evangelicals Christians."

  21. Nostrildamus

    “fucking asshole” about says it

    I could also go with "inbred, bloated, lard clown dripping rancid diaper gravy".

    1. Chichikovovich

      Really that is a spectacular piece of work. All future efforts to refer to the thin-skinned toxic salamander should begin with that. Now if only we could find a way to fit the expression "suppurating venereal chancre" in there, it might never be surpassed. But should we change "gravy" to "gravied" and put it at the end, or make "S-V-C" the adjective and put "chanchred" before "diaper".

      It's such a tough decision, because posterity is watching.

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    Great. Now I've got Frank singing

    'Cause you're an asshole,
    You're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    Yes, yes
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole

    in my head. And it probably won't go away.

      1. prommie

        God oh God I'm so fantastic, thanks to freddy I'm a sexual spastic, and I'm a miserable son of a bitch, am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which.

    1. tessiee

      Try singing in your mind, to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch", "your'e an asshole, Newt Gingrich". It rhymes, it scans, and it's Christmas-y.

  23. DonnyKerabotsos

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama.”

    Well, Newt has embraced the Catholicism with the righteous fervor of the newly converted. What's next? Will he fondle an altar boy?

  24. elviouslyqueer

    "It is a very ugly moment for the former speaker. It is something he will admit himself."

    So what you're saying, Jim Acosta, is that Newt will readily admit to the fact that he is indeed a fucking asshole. Good to know. I think we're done here.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Did I mention how full of Win your reference to him a few threads ago as "fetid turdbucket." With that insult I wondered if it was possible to come up w/ another to top it.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        *blushes*

        Actually, the "fetid turdbucket" was in reference to Allan West. But since Newtie is apparently trying to be Allan West with a severe case of morbid obesity and vitiligo, the insult can still apply.

        1. Chichikovovich

          We could keep things straight by reserving "fetid turdbucket" for AW. It's more appropriate to call the thin-skinned toxic salamander a "fœtid turdbucket", him being a PhD Doctor what knows lotsa fancy talkin'.

  25. James Michael Curley

    As the weeks goes by, it seems each republican candidate rises to the occasion and proceeds to through away what little chance they have to become a major world leader.

    By the way, you know who else threw away the chance to be … forget it.

  26. V572 the Merciless

    Can't believe Newtie didn't engage the guy and lecture him condescendingly: "Frankly, your statement is palpably and factually incorrect. Although I may, in the estimation of you and some other misguided individuals, be an asshole, I prefer to fuck others in their assholes, both actually (in Callista's case) and virtually, through legislation, outrageous assertions and insults, and negative advertising."

      1. Loaded_Pants

        "I've been fucking everyone I can since 1995. And not in the way I fuck Callista after I ask her to take off that white helmet of hers."

      1. V572 the Merciless

        Frankly, whenever a person begins a statement with “frankly,” you know that everything following it will be bullshit.

        1. user-of-owls

          And that was today's installment of V572's popular "How to Spot a Fucking Asshole" series.

          Tune in tomorrow when the Merciless Mentor presents, "Yes, it is Perfectly Appropriate to Deliver Blunt Force Trauma to a Fucking Asshole Who Begins a Statement with 'Bluntly Speaking.'"

      1. Loaded_Pants

        I would also add:
        "Frankly…"
        "Actually…"
        "Despite what's being reported…"
        and
        "He was just trying to show those boys how the shower…"

  27. actor212

    Wait. IS Newt an actively fucking asshole? Doesn't that make him gay? At least as a catcher? So doesn't that mean that Newt can't even vote for himself?

  28. BaldarTFlagass

    "Luckily, it's a free country, because if it were a crime to be a fucking asshole, I'd be on death row."

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    Anyone else notice the resemblance between Mr Sorenson and our own tttommyunger (well, at least his avatar)?

  30. Maman

    The right has been obsessed with the idea of re-education camps because they were afraid the Dem's were going to steal their plan.

  31. Antispandex

    Why isn't THAT guy running for President? He seems to have the pulse of the nation much better than Hopey.

  32. DaRooster

    “It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side…"

    Really? You had best get used to this… I am.

  33. KeepFnThatChicken

    "Won't say it," because CNN is now family programming?

    And "Won't rhyme it" either? Jesus, why watch CNN at all, if you can't even conjure up a "TRUCKING CRASSMOLE"?

  34. Wonderthing

    I don't give a hoot about the Newt, I wander about in my birthday suit, it's fun, it's free, it's twiddle de dee, it's not about you, it's always me!

  35. Blueb4sunrise

    As uh historian, I can tell you that the man said 'fishing a shoal', which is a specific way of guiding the bait around in shallow water, now come into more general use in the South as a term for 'deft maneuvering'.

    1. user-of-owls

      Any number of words are evoked when Gingrich's name comes up.

      "Deft" is absolutely not one of these.

    1. user-of-owls

      I could die a happy man if somebody animated a gif of him saying that ala The That's Not Racial Transcendence Kid.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Please, like the Democratic Party has ever properly harnessed footage of anything happening, EVER, in order to win an election.

      1. jesus_vs_gojira

        Not true! They had that footage of Dukakis riding in a tank.

        Wait, you wrote "win an election"…

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Oh, fair enough. The Republicans will use this in brilliant, evil ways. It'll be fun to see how they twist it to make Newt look like he is bad for being mean to a gay guy, though.

  36. BarackMyWorld

    Saying Newt "arouses passion" in people makes me feel sick in ways I didn't think were humanly possible. Thanks CNN.

  37. SayItWithWookies

    Poor Newt — I'll bet he's thinking that if he knew he was going to be called a fucking asshole this much he should've gotten married more often.

    1. Pres.Libunatic

      Meanwhile, in a cheeky attack on the former House Speaker, the super PAC American Bridge has bought NewtGingrich.com and programmed it to redirect to other websites, including Tiffany's, Craigslist, and Freddie Mac's site.

      For the win.

  38. SheriffRoscoe

    If he wants to win, Newt better hurry up and turn up the old charm and sex appeal, of which he is famous for.

  39. loki_monster

    These are real Iowans, and they are the reason I love my adopted home state of Iowa to this day. Fuck yeah Iowa!

  40. Mumbletypeg

    I feel badly for all the twitter lemmings who won't see the cliff's edge in time to jump ship into the figment-factory of another candidate's imagination.

  41. iburl

    "Some Ugly moments"? That's the whole point of the GOP Primary, isn't it? Moment after moment after moment. Ugly, Ugly, Ugly.

  42. comrad_darkness

    So, who are Newt's people? Half senile codgers who only hear every other word spewed on Fox News?

  43. V572 the Merciless

    OT, but Biden said the unthinkable: the Taliban are not our enemies.

    If that's true (and it is), what the fuck are we doing in A'stan? Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with Saudi Arabia.

    1. tessiee

      "Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with the confederacy."

      Fixed that for– oh, wait.

  44. MissTaken

    This is reason #486 why I won't move to Iowa:

    Presidential wannabes trolling around the grocery store when I just want to buy some Salsa Verde Doritos and B&J's Mint Chocolate Cookie in peace. What a fucking asshole.

  45. sbj1964

    Newton Leroy Ginrick that's his real name. You can stop running now the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut! Talk about shooting themselves in the foot!

    1. tessiee

      "the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut!"

      Yeah… you'd *think* so, wouldn't ya?

  46. smitallica

    What I saw in that video was disgusting, offensive, and completely uncalled for. But the guy insulting him was right on.

  47. WinterOuthouse

    What a fucking fuck of an asshole.

    Speaking of assholes. Does anyone else put a little stuffing in the asshole of the turkey as well as the inner cavity? Sounds sexual doesn't it? whoops

  48. SayItWithWookies

    Oh look — here's two more people Newt would like to support President Obama. And let me just say how proud they make me — among other things — of our soldiers and sailors.

  49. owhatever

    Mr. Speaker, I want you to know that I do not believe those YouTube pictures of Calista giving Herman Cain a blowjob for Christmas. I do, however, believe you are a fuckin' asshole.

  50. whatupirondog

    As a resident of flyover country I feel I should point out that Newt is not being called a fucking asshole at a grocery store. All Iowa grocery stores have only one level as it makes it easier to clean when the local bumpkins visit trailing pig shit from their filthy, shoeless feet.

    If I had to guess, I would guess that he is being called a fucking asshole at the Old Capitol Mall, a dying institution (SYMBOLISM) near the university campus. Don't count on a retraction from Wolf and Co., though, as I am sure they are too busy counting their ill-gotten lucre from Soros for spreading this vile YouTube slander of a great American statesman who also just happens to be a fucking asshole.

      1. GOPCrusher

        He's a hateful little shit that ran in the Republiklan primary for Governor on the promise of banning same sex marriage in Iowa by any means necessary. He even talked about abolishing the Supreme Court since they ruled that banning same sex marriage was Unconstitutional.

    1. Pres.Libunatic

      This primary season is really starting to look like a total cluster. The irony is that the one candidate who would have a real shot at beating Nobama (Huntsman) is being totally ignored.

    1. tessiee

      Blitzer may indeed be a fucking asshole, but his real first name that his parents gave him is Leslie. I'm sure that the nickname Wolf was chosen completely at random and is totally not a desperate attempt to overcompensate for anything whatsoever.

  51. V572 the Merciless

    And this third and final post concludes Your Wonkette for 21 December.

    Must say it doesn't seem like we're getting our money's worth with only three posts today.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      "…money's worth?" You mean, you've actually been paying for this? Seriously, I pay for the pleasure of seeing cute videos/pics of cats & just consider the posts on Wonkette to be freebies.

  52. chascates

    Speaking of fucking assholes Sarah Palin complains about Obama's Christmas Card:
    "It's odd," she said, wondering why the president's Christmas card highlights his dog instead of traditions like 'family, faith and freedom.'"

    "Even stranger than that was his first year in office when the Christmas ornaments included Chairman Mao," Palin said. "People had to ask that it be removed because it was offensive."
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/21/sarah-pa
    (Link includes card which features Bo.)

    1. Negropolis

      I love how she speaks like a coward (i.e. "It's odd" and "Even stranger than that").

      Shut the fuck up, you moose-sucking, meth-making, ice-licking, frostback icebilly.

  53. BaldarTFlagass

    So what's the deal? Three posts today? I don't mind if these guys take it slow for the holidays, but maybe they could at least let us know what the hell is up. Only Ken ever deigns to chat with us hoi polloi/rabble anymore; hell, even the Rude Pundit lets you know if it's going to be a while before a post; and he's fucking Rude. I feel like a resident of Plato's Cave, or maybe a member of one of those New Guinean cargo cults.

  54. hilbillyheroine

    Since when is Whoof Bitchboy a "family program"?? When he gushed over his mom meeting Snowbilly, I stopped thinking he was anything worth listening to.

  55. hilbillyheroine

    Before he's done, Newtie will be reduced to flouting "Callista" as something positive for the cuntry: "She can suck and blow better than Nancy Reagan".

  56. user-of-owls

    So a guy asks his friend to look after his cat while he's gone on vacation. After a few days, he calls the friend to check in and the friend says, "Bad news. Your cat's dead." Mortified, the guy says, "Geez, you don't just blurt something like that out. You need to sort of ease into it, you know, like, 'Your cat is on the roof and she won't come down.' Then, 'Your cat is still on the roof and she's not eating.' That sort of thing, see?" Friend says he understands and won't do something like that ever again.

    Week later, guy calls the friend again from his vacation spot and asks how things are going. "Fine," says the friend, "but your mother's on the roof."

    Wonket is on the roof.

  57. fuflans

    newt gingrich's campaign, brought to you by lily allen:

    Look inside
    Look inside your tiny mind
    Now look a bit harder
    Cause we're so uninspired,
    so sick and tired of all the
    hatred you harbor

    So you say
    It's not okay to be gay
    Well I think you're just evil
    You're just some racist who
    can't tie my laces
    Your point of view is medieval

    Fuck you (fuck you)
    Fuck you very, very much
    Cause we hate what you do
    And we hate your whole crew
    So please don't stay in touch

  58. Buckminster

    Newt is just hoping the current administration won't tweak NDAA too much. Then, he can just detain people who oppose him in Guantanamo.

  59. NYNYNYjr

    This is what I would say "I refuse- I REFUSE to have a president named Newt Gingrich! Or Senior Iguana! Or Robert Salamander Fitzgerald! At least Obama is man's name god dammit."

    1. tessiee

      In fairness, I do think that Senor Iguana is awfully cute with his tiny poncho and little sombrero. I might not vote for him for President, but I'd gladly put his tank on a sunny windowsill.

  60. tessiee

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

    You guys, a friend of mine was car shopping, and she saw this car she liked, and she tried to get a better price by telling the salesman (truthfully) that the Toyota dealership in the next town had the same car for $700. less. His response was, "So go buy it from them". I don't work in sales (thank god) or politics (thank god), but I cannot help feeling that this is not a good strategy.

  61. PalinzADummy

    Yes, I'm afraid I rather let fly with colourful invective upon hearing that. Geezus Christ, Wolf "because everyone's child should be named after a predator" Blitzer tsk-tsking and tut-tutting over the BAD WORDS used by that filthy, unethical, slimy, wife-dumping, mother-fucking, intern-diddling, money-grubbing WHORE might, I dunno, make the sound waves on the tv thingy stop working.

    Fuck all these tardlitards sideways with cheap Chinese quick-rust chainsaws.

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