true facts

Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)

Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to personally inform the Stay-Puft madman Newt Gingrich that he is a “fucking asshole,” to his face? You are not alone! Tom Sorensen of Iowa City shares your dream! So this is exactly what he did, in a grocery store where Newt was stomping around burping his own praises at unsuspecting shoppers. Newt then responded ominously, “luckily, it’s a free country.” FOR NOW, he means. Newt Gingrich’s first act as President will be to open a gulag in the basement of a foreclosed Radio Shack outside Tempe named for its initial occupant, Tom Sorensen.

Ha ha, also “luckily” for Sorensen, this will never happen because Newt Gingrich will never be President. Why? Mostly because Newt is sinking in the polls, which may or may not be tied to the fact that he is going around telling people not to vote for him.

From the Des Moines Register:

Newt Gingrich told a gay man and longtime resident of Oskaloosa here today that he should vote for President Obama.

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,” said Scott Arnold, an adjunct professor of writing at William Penn University.”

Arnold, a Democrat, said he came to the event at Smokey Row coffee house with an open mind. But he wanted to ask Gingrich about how he would represent him as president after reading past comments the former U.S. House Speaker has made about gay and lesbians.

“When you ask somebody a question and you expect them to support all Americans and have everyone’s general interest,” Arnold said. “It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side. That he doesn’t need your support.”

Yep, “fucking asshole” about says it. [TPM/CNN]

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  • nounverb911

    Three cheers for freedom of speech!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Another instance of speaking truth to fuckwads.

    • HedonismBot

      Hooray! Moar plz.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sadly enough, these pieces of shit don't get told often enough that they are, as a matter of fact, pieces of shit.

      • tessiee

        Somewhere around the Reagan era, the journalists whose job it is to call politicians on their shit got the idea that it was bad form to ask questions and hold people (by which I mean Republicans) accountable for their actions. Since they won't uphold their responsibility, someone's gotta do it.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Please, let's be precise. Speaking truth to "fucking assholes".

    • Loaded_Pants

      I've always wondered what is a "wad" of "fucks"? The group of potential GOP Presidential candidates this year finally answered that question.

  • Limeylizzie

    I would have gone with 'Fucking rotund cunt" but whatever works.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh, they would have bleeped that out for sure!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      You have an unerring ear for the poetry in every English word.

      "Fucking rotund cunt." I think I'll Tweet that.

      • cheetojeebus

        and as the kids say: " FRC"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Rotund fucking cunt" works, too.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I'm partial to "Cunt-Fucking Rotund."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        I'm sure Newter's getting so little strange under Callista's watchful eye that using "fucking" in the same sentence as his name probably causes him as much delight as orgasms once used to.

        • Fare la Volpe

          $50 says he's already schtooping a new future Mrs. Gingrich.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I ain't takin' that bet honey. Mama didn't raise her no dumbass kids. Taught me not to take off my hat in front of no woodpeckers, neither.

      • Negropolis

        WIN

        Though "Rotund Fucking Dozy Cunt" would definitely classify as an honorable mention.

    • prommie

      Loathsome fucking narcissistic demagoguing mountebank.

      • tessiee

        He's also fat.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Sorenson is no Oscar Wilde or Limeylizzie, but "fucking asshole" does have the virtue of directness.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Newt's new campaign motto: "Gingrich–much like an odoriferous orifice, he's dedicated to the elimination of waste."

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          too many syllables for the morons, keep it simple…"Gingrich- much like an asshole he's full o' shit"

          • billy_reuben

            Shorter slogan still — 'Newt Gingrich: a fucking asshole'

            (parsimony is where it's at, ladies and gentlemen)

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

      Unfortunately, this insult is way too highbrow for America.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Rotund cunt libel!

  • RadioYKWE

    Wolf is such a tool. "I didn't exactly hear what that guy said to Newt…I know he used a bad word." What. A. Fucking. Asshole.

    • Nesnora

      The only bad words Newt can't stand is "till death do us part"…

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Leslie is such a dainty flower.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Dullest motherfucker on cable news. I wish Fox News would hire him already.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Faux News reporters are many things, but "dull" is never one of them.

      • MissTaken

        Not blonde or Doocy enough.

    • dadanarchist

      Blitz really earned his place on Pareene's annual Hack List with that one.

  • freakishlywrong

    But he is a fucking asshole. And in Newt's circle, and amongst his peers, that's a compliment.

  • user-of-owls

    While I wouldn't go so far as to call the guy a 'babe,' there certainly is truth coming outta his mouth!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The gheys are very sneaky. The guy looked just like a real Iowa-American: well padded, dressed in head to toe camouflage, gray hair and goatee. No wonder poor Newtie was fooled into talking to him.

    • Beowoof

      He could have taken it to extremes and been dressed as a war vet. Ask Mitt how that worked for him.

    • Biff

      Just like that old queen Viet Nam Vet in New Hampshire reeled in Romney!

    • Loaded_Pants

      Do you really think Newt would have been fooled by a lisping twink? Please, Newt is the "intellectual" of the GOP & would have seen right through that clever disguise.

  • prommie

    Sometimes it takes a fucking asshole to be the defender and restorer of civilization. Have any of you ever thought of that, huh, wiseguys?

    • Darthhippy

      We tried that for 8 years, no worky to well for the rest of us.

    • snackypants

      You know who else was a fucking asshole who promised to be the defender and restorer of civilization?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Aw, now, SNACKY!

      • tessiee

        Ralph Nader?

  • ChernobylSoup

    Upon hearing him described as a fucking asshole, Newt's approval rating with Iowan evangelicals went up eleven points.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm you!!

    • Loaded_Pants

      If he had been called a "freakin' you-know-what-hole", his approval ratings would have went up by 30 points among Iowan evangelicals. They don't like all that cussin' so much.

      • tessiee

        "They don't like all that cussin' so much."

        Yeah, but judging by how many evangelicals get caught with rent boys, apparently they *do* like fucking assholes.

  • Not_So_Much

    This gives 'fucking assholes' everywhere a bad name.

  • teebob2000

    At about 0:48 Acosta says, "it is something that he will admit himself." I of course thought he meant Gingrich thinks of himself as a fucking asshole. Which he probably does.

  • NewYorkJew

    Please respect assholes! And fucking! And the two put together!

    What should Newt really be called?

    • poncho_pilot

      a vulgar pox on America?

      Vulgar Pox sounds like a breakfast cereal.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Much like "Colon Blow"?

    • Beowoof

      Herpes on a lightly salted rat dick works for me.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

      A particularly condecending plastic grocery bag stuffed with mashed potatoes?

    • Callyson

      I'd say "an also – ran," but I think his presence on the Greedy One Percent ticket will only help Obama…

    • dadanarchist

      Fascist taint cheese.

      • cheetojeebus

        I am always reminded of that word scrofulous when i see a pic of newt.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Tainted Fascist Cheese? The stuff that's right next to the Boar's Head in the cheese case?

    • MissTaken

      Fecal-crusted hemorrhoid?

      • anniegetyerfun

        That's unfair. There are fecal-encrusted hemorrhoids who could offer significantly smarter policy proposals than that shitclown.

        • MissTaken

          Hey now! Some of my best friends are shitclowns

          • Loaded_Pants

            Shitclowns, huh? For some reason, I DON'T want to see that circus act.

    • Chichikovovich

      These are excellent suggestions, gang. Really top drawer and I admire them all. But so far I haven't seen anything here that is nearly so five-minutes-of-incessant-spasmodic-dry-heaves revolting as simply "Newt Gingrich".

    • Guppy

      Santorum. Oh, wait…

    • LetUsBray

      I've always thought of him as a burning bag of dog shit on America's front door step.

    • tessiee

      I said, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer", and I *meant*, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer".

  • SexySmurf

    You know who else was a fucking asshole?

    • chascates

      The rest of the GOP lineup running for President?

    • fartknocker

      Dick Cheney for continuing to postpone his ultimate demise.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      The question, when referring to the GOP, is "who isn't a fucking asshole?"

      • poncho_pilot

        i'll take "fucking assholes" for 200, Alex.

        • Fare la Volpe

          That's "Fuck in Gas Sholes," Mr. Connery.

          • prommie

            Thats what your mother said to me last night, Trebeck.

    • RadioYKWE

      Todd Palin?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Marcus when he is with Michele?

    • Chichikovovich

      Marcus Bachmann's asshole?

      (Moved from below, after Lionel H deleted his original, identical comment this was a response to.)

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of the… *oooof*

      This comment has been deleted by User-of-Owls.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Damn! Is user doin' his own enforcin', now? Better watch what *I* say around that motherfucker, I'm tellin' ya.

        • flamingpdog

          Try being a freakin' ground squirrel with UofO in enforcement mode.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ayn Rand?

      • Loaded_Pants

        No, she wasn't a fucking asshole. But she had a talking asshole which was often mistaken for her mouth.
        (With apologies to William Burroughs).

        • tessiee

          "Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth" — someecards

  • themcwow

    "There was an F word involved." HA HA HA

    • elviouslyqueer

      Fiddlesticks? Fudge? Flying? DON'T KEEP US IN SUSPENSE, WOLFIE.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        FABulous.

      • Chichikovovich

        I dare say it was "Fuddle Duddle", as we say in the north country.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuddle_duddle

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Wolf Blitzer is exactly the kind of fuddy-duddy that I would expect to use terms like fuddle-duddle.

          • Chichikovovich

            Yeah, Blitzer couldn't pull it off. But on Pierre Trudeau's lips…., He typically radiated contempt at stupid questions that he felt were a waste of time, and in this case he was sending out disdain-waves of an intensity thought only possible from Her Majesty the Queen, and then only if a drunken subject tried to cop a feel. I'm still amazed that TV tubes weren't fried across the country when he told the pack of yapping journalists – just a hint of a sneer on his lips – that no, he couldn't remember what he said, or mouthed, or whatever, but it may have been "fuddle duddle", then just walked away. Thing of beauty really.

          • Angry_Marmot

            Didn't LBJ once say to a journalist, "Are you gonna ask the leader of the Free World a chicken-shit question like that?"

          • tessiee

            I heard the story of LBJ saying something to the effect of, "I may not know everything, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad", but yours sounds like something LBJ would have said.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Fairy? Fairness? Fuddruckers? Freedums?

  • chascates

    Just like Herman Cain's 'Run for President Book Tour' Newt will make money even if he ends up dead ass last. And I'd look for a new Mrs. Gingrich if Ellis the Elephant doesn't start moving more copies.

  • fartknocker

    Note to CNN programming staff: If you type the letters F**CKING A$$HOLE on your scrolling graphics, we in America will understand what he said.

    This man deserves numerous kudos.

    • MissTaken

      Fracking Armhole?

  • coolhandnuke

    Correction: "Fucking assholes,"…Newt requires two toilets on his campaign trail.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Today, we are all adjunct professors of writing at William Penn University.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Is that a real place?

  • bumfug

    "…and that goes for that lizard-ass bitch you're fucking, too!"

    • johnnymeatworth

      "Sorry, meant 'diamond-sucking lizard-ass bitch….' "

      • Loaded_Pants

        Those diamond-sucking lizards are the worst. Just ask Newt.

      • Negropolis

        ROTFLMAO!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans.

    Am I the only one that would be more interested in Rick Perry's answer?

    Or Marcus Bachmann's?

    • Ducksworthy

      What is Marcus' position on Santorum?

      • tessiee

        Perverse cowgirl.

    • Beowoof

      We know that Marcus will be at his clinic trying to suck the ghey out of them.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Marcus would be all too willing to "engage gay Americans" as First Lady.

  • Extemporanus

    Tiffany's has an excellent meat department.

    /DerrickWildcat

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      What you mean? I'm keeping records of people saying good things about me and people that say bad things about me and I don't know which category to put this in.

      • Extemporanus

        It occurred to me after leaving it that my comment inadvertently called to mind your much appreciated Hedbergian sense of humor.

        Also, severed feet make great stocking stuffers.

        • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

          Wow, thank you. This guy is about perfect.

          • Extemporanus

            I was at the airport a while back and some guy said, "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said, "Dude! I saw you at the airport…about a minute ago…and you were good."

        • RadioYKWE

          Your new avatar is truly HeadBeargian.
          But, srsly, Mitch left us way too soon.

          • Extemporanus

            Pedo Claws is always on the lookout for more little helpers.

    • Wadisay

      "Breakfast at Tiffany's" is what Newt calls oral sex.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Is "Tiffany's" Newt's sexy parts or Callista's?

        Never mind. Just asking the question has made me ill…
        EDIT: Why would I think either of them had "sexy parts"? UGH. I'm off the hang myself now.

  • gullywompr

    Country garland in the wind and the rain
    Wherever he goes the people all complain

    • littlebigdaddy

      Is it St. Stephen's Day?

  • smashedinhat

    I suspect Newt has been called an asshole to his face all his life. Just not in public.
    So yay!

    • SorosBot

      Possibly by a certain ex-wife, when served divorce papers in the hospital.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        At least two. He dumped the second ex over the phone. She was over at her Mom's house celebrating Mother's Day, having just found out that she had MS. Newt calls and tells her he wants a divorce to marry Callista. What a winner.

        • Loaded_Pants

          That Newt has a heart of gold. Unfortunately, it's in a safe deposit box in a Swiss bank.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Asspole rhymes.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    The video would've been a lot more interesting without Wolf on it. Totally ruined it for me.

  • dadanarchist

    You know who else was a fucking asshole?

    Reagan.

    • Biff

      Way to ruin the game.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Srsly. I blame Reagan as the original architect of the apocalyptic implosion of our economy. Trickle down economics. What a farce.

      • DaRooster

        Oh, its tricklin' alright…

    • littlebigdaddy

      Lex Steele?

      • GOPCrusher

        Yes, he is.

  • x111e7thst

    Better a thousand fucking assholes than a single fucking Newt.

    • Chichikovovich

      Or, God forbid, fucking a single Newt.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You see, this is why, as annoying as it is for Iowa and New Hampshire to go first, it at least forces everyone to actually go out and talk with people. There is something about having a potential president show that he can handle whatever random ass person comes up to him. Hell, I would think it would be perfect experience for dealing with Iran…., or Congress.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wait, I though Marcus Bachmann was fucking assholes….

    • phlox✔

      HAHAHA. Like Marcus is, in any universe, a top! HAHAHA

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I agree. Definite bottom, that one.

        • Loaded_Pants

          Michele: "You want me to strap this on? But why?"
          Marcus: "Just shut up & do it! Remember that you should submit to your husband even before he submits to you!"

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      The experts who have been polling the electorate say that if you look directly below Bachmann, you'll see Santorum.

      • johnnymeatworth

        Yep, all over the sheets.

  • Ducksworthy

    And then we have CNN apologizing for the fuckwad by citing his talking point the "he arouses passions" as if somehow Newtie was turning people on to something other than nausea. Fucking CNN.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, if you regard ipecac syrup as "arousing passions" CNN may have a point.

    • memzilla

      Another example of "False Equivalence," the corporate media's presentation of two sides of an issue as having equal merit. Not to be confused with "Objectivity."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Funny you should say that. Just as I turned that clip on, I suffered the most horrific attack of nausea I can remember. (This from someone who eats sea urchin gonads, i.e., not much makes ME puke.)

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please, I called bullshit on the whole clip after Acosta claimed that he was anchoring a "family program such as this." You aren't on fucking Sesame Street, you fucking moron.

  • Generation[redacted]

    This is way better than that "Joe the Plumber" stunt last election.

    • tessiee

      I'm not sure I agree. I mean, "Joe the Plumber" was at least intentionally funny.
      He was intentionally funny, right?

  • Major Thom

    Rick "Don't Google Me" Santorum is the original fucking asshole. Sorry.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      No, no, no. Ricky Santorum is the original FUCKED asshole. See http://www.spreadingsantorum.com for details.

      • Major Thom

        I bow to your obvious expertise in this area.

        • vtxmcrider

          You sound so willing to assume position. You, too, can become an expert.

  • RadioYKWE

    Hitler?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Sexy Smurf beat me to this. Damn great minds, and quicker fingers.

      • RadioYKWE

        I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
        But Hitler, or Stalin, always works.

        • user-of-owls

          I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
          But Hitler,….

          This comment has been deleted by the user.

          • RadioYKWE

            This comment has been deleted by the user.

          • DaRooster

            This comment has been delete

          • elviouslyqueer

            T

          • user-of-owls
          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            All the world's a circle…..

  • Buzz Feedback

    "Fucking asshole."

    Is there any other kind?

    • SorosBot

      Well assholes are more often full of shit.

    • Loaded_Pants

      The other kind is the asshole that is being fucked. But that is always a much better kind whether it applies to individuals and/or sexual acts.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's just something so therapeutic about the word "asshole," the way it rolls off the tongue. AAASSSSS-HOOOOOLE. And adding the modifier "fucking" is just gravy.

    • memzilla

      It's the santorum on the cake!

    • prommie

      Did you know that when crowds around the world chant "asss-hole," they use the same two notes?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

    Adulterers and Homosexuals are both in the, "Shall be put to death" bible boat. You'd think they'd want to team up and help each other.
    I'm just trying to be helpful.

    • Chichikovovich

      I'm neither of those. But I do like to eat bugs.

      So sign me up!

    • arihaya

      no one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle !

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Their name is Legion, and they are many.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    As a fucking asshole, I'm offended that this guy called Newt a fucking asshole.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Really. The nerve!

    • Loaded_Pants

      I'm only an asshole to other assholes so it evens out, karma-wise, as far as I'm concerned.

  • memzilla

    Now is the time to make the word "Newt" synonymous with something as disgusting as "Santorum."

    I was thinking "anal fistula," but that's a little obscure.

    How about we call it "Newt," that yellow-green pus that oozes from one's genitals from a syphilis or gonorrhea infection? As in "Doctor, it hurts when I take a leak, and I've got all this Newt coming out!" Or "Honey, my Newt's really bad tonight, I don't think we should f*** right now."

    Any other Wonketeer suggestions?

    • fartknocker

      Anal polyps?

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Maybe "Fucking Asshole Drainage"? Oh wait, that's Santorum.

    • James Michael Curley

      That crusty stuff that collects in the areas old or obese people can't reach when they bathe.

    • littlebigdaddy

      The mixture of blood and feces resulting from severe hemorrhoids?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      "I was thinking 'anal fistula,' but that's a little obscure."

      I don't know where you live but here in Arizona …

    • vtxmcrider

      Since Gingrich is such a fat, bloviating gasbag, it is appropriate for "newt" to mean simply "comically tiny cock," as in: "Callista has to fumble in the dark for his newt."

    • Loaded_Pants

      Prolapsed rectum, maybe?

      • Angry_Marmot

        Rectum? It damn near killed him!

    • http://www.wonkette.com sunmusing

      smegma…….smegma junkie?

  • Chichikovovich

    Seems like only yesterday afternoon that Chet Kinkaid was telling us about some guy calling Newt a f—ing a–hole. You mean it happened a second time?

    • LetUsBray

      Now that you mention it, you'd think someone calling a fucking asshole like Newt Gingrich a fucking asshole would be your classic example of a dog bites man story, as cliche as a rainy day in Seattle or a "Family Values" conservative caught diddling rent boys. You almost wonder how it's still news.

  • Pithaughn

    I'm guessing that fella will now be known as Tom the Truther, for ever, even if it turns out his name is not Tom but Richard.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    If Gingrich were a true statesman, like our form Veep Dick Cheney, he would have told this gentleman to "Go fuck himself." Gingrich is clearly not presidential material.

  • freakishlywrong

    Goddammit, 2012 is going to suck long and hard.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Both Rick Perry & Marcus Bachmann approve of this assessment.

    • Angry_Marmot

      You know who else sucked long and hard?

    • Negropolis

      That's what she said.

      But, seriously, it's going to be so satisfying at the end if this thing keeps on going like it is.

  • RadioYKWE

    You know who else said to fuck off in a public forum? That's right, Darth Cheney.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      That's right, the late Darth Cheney.

      fixed

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

        Man, you had me frantically googling, thinking I'd just missed something.

        You mustn't tease us like that, dear.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Show me the pulse.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

            WHERE'S THE CARDIAC STRIP.

            LONG-FORM, also too.

      • Loaded_Pants

        The late, flesh-eating zombie Darth Cheney.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Someone told him to fuck off one time, right? A survivor of Katrina.

      • elviouslyqueer
        • RadioYKWE

          Yeah right, Dick, you were a "Fuck Off" virgin.

  • Nesnora

    milton friedman?

  • Callyson

    Today, we are all Tom Sorensen.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've been Tom Sorenson for years and years.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      In *that* case, it would appear we have just been arrested for brutally nutpunching Newt.

    • tessiee

      If, by "Tom Sorenson", you mean, "think Newt is a fucking asshole", then yes.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Newt is running to be the President of Republican People in the United States. It's not like he would be the president for gay, black, latino, or muslim people, you know.

  • spends2much

    What an inspiring inaugural speech Newtie would give, as he addressed the segments of Murrica he gives a shit about, while telling the rest of the populace to cover their ears or go have gay sex on a pile of bibles, or whatever it is he thinks we perverted Libruls do.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Pile of Qur'ans, I think?

  • SorosBot

    Newt doesn't want to represent gay Americans – like his own sister. The fucking asshole.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      exactly.

    • Chichikovovich

      "white rural high home -school-educated evangelical Christians."

      There you go sir/ma'm. Fixed right up as good as new.

      • V572 the Merciless

        "white rural high home-schooled educated evangelical Christians."

        Because don't kid yourself: home "schooling" and education are two different things. One of them gives you empathy for others, the ability to function in society, an understanding that everything isn't about you, and a respect for legitimate figures of authority.

        The other one can easily make you a narcissistic asshole. Newt wasn't home-schooled, but went to high school in Columbus GA, where every other kid was an Army brat like him, and you can bet he spent several years at DoD schools when his father was stationed overseas. They can be very good schools, but it's a closed environment, even moreso overseas.

        • Chichikovovich

          Very true. Good eye. And while we're at it:

          "white rural high home-schooled educated evangelicals Christians."

          • tessiee

            Because they left out billionaire CEOs, right?

  • Nostrildamus

    “fucking asshole” about says it

    I could also go with "inbred, bloated, lard clown dripping rancid diaper gravy".

    • Chichikovovich

      Really that is a spectacular piece of work. All future efforts to refer to the thin-skinned toxic salamander should begin with that. Now if only we could find a way to fit the expression "suppurating venereal chancre" in there, it might never be surpassed. But should we change "gravy" to "gravied" and put it at the end, or make "S-V-C" the adjective and put "chanchred" before "diaper".

      It's such a tough decision, because posterity is watching.

      • Nostrildamus

        This is how Emily Dickenson must have felt.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Great. Now I've got Frank singing

    'Cause you're an asshole,
    You're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    Yes, yes
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole

    in my head. And it probably won't go away.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      BTF, try the Wonkette brain bleach.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        That's because chicks dig Eldorados.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Not in New York.

    • prommie

      "I have sniffed the reeking buns of Angel, and acted like it was cocaine." Thats pure poetry there.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I like the way he strung out "co-cay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ayn."

        • prommie

          Another great line: "And the plumber he said, never flush a tam-pone."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Shit. You gave ME the earworm, too. Where's my iPod when I need him?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I guess I'm a fucking asshole, now.

    • GOPCrusher

      I can take about a hour on The Tower Of Power, as long as I gets a little Golden Shower.

      • prommie

        God oh God I'm so fantastic, thanks to freddy I'm a sexual spastic, and I'm a miserable son of a bitch, am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which.

    • tessiee

      Try singing in your mind, to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch", "your'e an asshole, Newt Gingrich". It rhymes, it scans, and it's Christmas-y.

  • proudgrampa

    Some of my best friends became fucking assholes.

    • Biff

      September 11 2001 was a defining moment for many fucking assholes.

    • Chichikovovich

      Some fucking assholes became my worst friends.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama.”

    Well, Newt has embraced the Catholicism with the righteous fervor of the newly converted. What's next? Will he fondle an altar boy?

  • elviouslyqueer

    "It is a very ugly moment for the former speaker. It is something he will admit himself."

    So what you're saying, Jim Acosta, is that Newt will readily admit to the fact that he is indeed a fucking asshole. Good to know. I think we're done here.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Did I mention how full of Win your reference to him a few threads ago as "fetid turdbucket." With that insult I wondered if it was possible to come up w/ another to top it.

      • elviouslyqueer

        *blushes*

        Actually, the "fetid turdbucket" was in reference to Allan West. But since Newtie is apparently trying to be Allan West with a severe case of morbid obesity and vitiligo, the insult can still apply.

        • Chichikovovich

          We could keep things straight by reserving "fetid turdbucket" for AW. It's more appropriate to call the thin-skinned toxic salamander a "fœtid turdbucket", him being a PhD Doctor what knows lotsa fancy talkin'.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I like gravy sucking pig. It doesn't get bleeped.
    I hope this starts a new trend, telling Newt to his face what you really think of him.

  • James Michael Curley

    As the weeks goes by, it seems each republican candidate rises to the occasion and proceeds to through away what little chance they have to become a major world leader.

    By the way, you know who else threw away the chance to be … forget it.

    • LetUsBray

      Reagan? He forgot a whole lot of stuff.

    • tessiee

      Al Gore?

  • V572 the Merciless

    Can't believe Newtie didn't engage the guy and lecture him condescendingly: "Frankly, your statement is palpably and factually incorrect. Although I may, in the estimation of you and some other misguided individuals, be an asshole, I prefer to fuck others in their assholes, both actually (in Callista's case) and virtually, through legislation, outrageous assertions and insults, and negative advertising."

    • Chichikovovich

      "In fact, I'm fucking you in the asshole right this minute. And not in a good way."

      • Loaded_Pants

        "I've been fucking everyone I can since 1995. And not in the way I fuck Callista after I ask her to take off that white helmet of hers."

    • user-of-owls

      That's just a little too pitch-perfect.

      You're scaring me now.

      • V572 the Merciless

        Frankly, whenever a person begins a statement with “frankly,” you know that everything following it will be bullshit.

        • user-of-owls

          And that was today's installment of V572's popular "How to Spot a Fucking Asshole" series.

          Tune in tomorrow when the Merciless Mentor presents, "Yes, it is Perfectly Appropriate to Deliver Blunt Force Trauma to a Fucking Asshole Who Begins a Statement with 'Bluntly Speaking.'"

        • Loaded_Pants

          Who is this Frank Lee & why do so many people have his name?

          • Negropolis

            Because they're Chinese?

    • prommie

      Condescending assholes always start with "What you don't understand…" or words of similar import.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Note to self: Take statement out of all public speeches and high-handed browbeatings.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I would also add:
        "Frankly…"
        "Actually…"
        "Despite what's being reported…"
        and
        "He was just trying to show those boys how the shower…"

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wait. IS Newt an actively fucking asshole? Doesn't that make him gay? At least as a catcher? So doesn't that mean that Newt can't even vote for himself?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      The catcher is so rye.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Such a bad weej. Come sit by me and tell me *everything.*

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Luckily, it's a free country, because if it were a crime to be a fucking asshole, I'd be on death row."

    • Negropolis

      Winning!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Anyone else notice the resemblance between Mr Sorenson and our own tttommyunger (well, at least his avatar)?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    The right has been obsessed with the idea of re-education camps because they were afraid the Dem's were going to steal their plan.

  • James Michael Curley

    The Met is advertising on Wonkette?

  • Antispandex

    Why isn't THAT guy running for President? He seems to have the pulse of the nation much better than Hopey.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Today, we are all fucking assholes.

  • DaRooster

    “It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side…"

    Really? You had best get used to this… I am.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "Won't say it," because CNN is now family programming?

    And "Won't rhyme it" either? Jesus, why watch CNN at all, if you can't even conjure up a "TRUCKING CRASSMOLE"?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Clucking casserole?

    • SorosBot

      They couldn't even pull a Cee-Lo and change it to "forgetting asshole".

      • Generation[redacted]

        Now we see what happens when Newt finds a stranger in the Alps.

        • SorosBot

          Heh; that reminds me of watching Die Hard on network TV: Yippie kai yay, melon farmer.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

            I am so sick of these mother-loving snakes on this monday-to-friday plane!

          • Negropolis

            ROTFMLAO!

  • Wonderthing

    I don't give a hoot about the Newt, I wander about in my birthday suit, it's fun, it's free, it's twiddle de dee, it's not about you, it's always me!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    As uh historian, I can tell you that the man said 'fishing a shoal', which is a specific way of guiding the bait around in shallow water, now come into more general use in the South as a term for 'deft maneuvering'.

    • Chichikovovich

      Thanks! I thought the man said "fracking a shale", so it's good to be set right.

    • user-of-owls

      Any number of words are evoked when Gingrich's name comes up.

      "Deft" is absolutely not one of these.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Ha ha. Someone got Newted.

  • Biff

    I'm sure it will be used by his opponents, in carefully and properly edited form.

    • user-of-owls

      I could die a happy man if somebody animated a gif of him saying that ala The That's Not Racial Transcendence Kid.

      • Chichikovovich

        For that idea, I hope you get awarded the first Nobel prize for Super Awesomeness.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Brilliant. Can the gifzette guys do it? I have absolutely no idea how.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Please, like the Democratic Party has ever properly harnessed footage of anything happening, EVER, in order to win an election.

      • jesus_vs_gojira

        Not true! They had that footage of Dukakis riding in a tank.

        Wait, you wrote "win an election"…

        • anniegetyerfun

          There's always a catch!

        • GOPCrusher

          That is still a disturbing image. * shudder *

      • Biff

        I'm just thinking of the primaries, here.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Oh, fair enough. The Republicans will use this in brilliant, evil ways. It'll be fun to see how they twist it to make Newt look like he is bad for being mean to a gay guy, though.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Saying Newt "arouses passion" in people makes me feel sick in ways I didn't think were humanly possible. Thanks CNN.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Poor Newt — I'll bet he's thinking that if he knew he was going to be called a fucking asshole this much he should've gotten married more often.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Do you have a very favorable, somewhat favorable, somewhat unfavorable, or very unfavorable opinion?

    • user-of-owls

      Yes.

  • mavenmaven

    "F***ing @$$hole"? That's what Rick Perry likes most, in private…

  • Katydid

    Old Newt's having a bad day….read the story starfanglednut posted in the other thread:

    After Gingrich finished speaking, the protesters chased him and his wife, Callista, down the stairs of the capitol.
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2011/12/21/pr

    • user-of-owls

      Needz moar inchoate violenz.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

      Meanwhile, in a cheeky attack on the former House Speaker, the super PAC American Bridge has bought NewtGingrich.com and programmed it to redirect to other websites, including Tiffany's, Craigslist, and Freddie Mac's site.

      For the win.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Think how truly wonderful it must be to be an Iowanite.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    If he wants to win, Newt better hurry up and turn up the old charm and sex appeal, of which he is famous for.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    What goes around comes around. Long ago Newt developed this list of words to call his friends and opponents.
    http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article4

  • loki_monster

    These are real Iowans, and they are the reason I love my adopted home state of Iowa to this day. Fuck yeah Iowa!

  • http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

    Fucking asshole is not a bad word. It's a fucking stupendous pair of words.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Hurry up and post another story please. I'm about ready for my beer nap.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I feel badly for all the twitter lemmings who won't see the cliff's edge in time to jump ship into the figment-factory of another candidate's imagination.

  • iburl

    "Some Ugly moments"? That's the whole point of the GOP Primary, isn't it? Moment after moment after moment. Ugly, Ugly, Ugly.

  • comrad_darkness

    So, who are Newt's people? Half senile codgers who only hear every other word spewed on Fox News?

  • V572 the Merciless

    OT, but Biden said the unthinkable: the Taliban are not our enemies.

    If that's true (and it is), what the fuck are we doing in A'stan? Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with Saudi Arabia.

    • HistoriCat

      The makeup sex between W and that prince would have been epic – forget holding hands!

    • tessiee

      "Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with the confederacy."

      Fixed that for– oh, wait.

      • V572 the Merciless

        Ha ha! Good thing the “lost.”

  • SorosBot

    OT but we've got another GOP nomination drop-out: Gary "who?" Johnson, who has switched to running for the Libertarian Party nomination:
    http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/70727.h

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Who?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Heh. "Johnson."

    • Loaded_Pants

      Did he consult Ron Paul about this? I mean, look at well that works out.

  • MissTaken

    This is reason #486 why I won't move to Iowa:

    Presidential wannabes trolling around the grocery store when I just want to buy some Salsa Verde Doritos and B&J's Mint Chocolate Cookie in peace. What a fucking asshole.

  • sbj1964

    Newton Leroy Ginrick that's his real name. You can stop running now the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut! Talk about shooting themselves in the foot!

    • tessiee

      "the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut!"

      Yeah… you'd *think* so, wouldn't ya?

  • smitallica

    What I saw in that video was disgusting, offensive, and completely uncalled for. But the guy insulting him was right on.

  • sarah_connor

    today we are all ghey longtime residents of Oskaloosa.

  • WinterOuthouse

    What a fucking fuck of an asshole.

    Speaking of assholes. Does anyone else put a little stuffing in the asshole of the turkey as well as the inner cavity? Sounds sexual doesn't it? whoops

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I believe Marcus Bachmann's clinic can help you. They take medicaid, you know.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh look — here's two more people Newt would like to support President Obama. And let me just say how proud they make me — among other things — of our soldiers and sailors.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Thank you for that. I'll be in my bunk.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I'd hit 'em.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

      For some reason I am reminded of the opening montage of Watchmen…. carry on, sailors!

    • Loaded_Pants

      Personally, I prefer the ghey mens but that is hawt, too.

  • bflrtsplk

    Maybe he said, "You're ugly and your third wife dresses you funny." That works too.

  • owhatever

    Mr. Speaker, I want you to know that I do not believe those YouTube pictures of Calista giving Herman Cain a blowjob for Christmas. I do, however, believe you are a fuckin' asshole.

  • ttommyunger

    Iowans just went up a notch in my estimation.

  • whatupirondog

    As a resident of flyover country I feel I should point out that Newt is not being called a fucking asshole at a grocery store. All Iowa grocery stores have only one level as it makes it easier to clean when the local bumpkins visit trailing pig shit from their filthy, shoeless feet.

    If I had to guess, I would guess that he is being called a fucking asshole at the Old Capitol Mall, a dying institution (SYMBOLISM) near the university campus. Don't count on a retraction from Wolf and Co., though, as I am sure they are too busy counting their ill-gotten lucre from Soros for spreading this vile YouTube slander of a great American statesman who also just happens to be a fucking asshole.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    What the fuck did camo guy say?

  • GOPCrusher
    • Loaded_Pants

      Is it just me or does this Vander Plaats person seem a bit pathetic?

      • GOPCrusher

        He's a hateful little shit that ran in the Republiklan primary for Governor on the promise of banning same sex marriage in Iowa by any means necessary. He even talked about abolishing the Supreme Court since they ruled that banning same sex marriage was Unconstitutional.

    • elviouslyqueer

      A case of casting poop before swine?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

      This primary season is really starting to look like a total cluster. The irony is that the one candidate who would have a real shot at beating Nobama (Huntsman) is being totally ignored.

  • Loaded_Pants

    Seriously, though, what sort of dipshit tells you to vote for the guy you hope to run against?

    • GOPCrusher

      The kind that believes that white, evangelical, Xtians make up the majority of America.

  • voodooeconomics

    Who the fuck names his kid Wolf Blitzer. I'd like to tell him you are a fucking asshole.

    • tessiee

      Blitzer may indeed be a fucking asshole, but his real first name that his parents gave him is Leslie. I'm sure that the nickname Wolf was chosen completely at random and is totally not a desperate attempt to overcompensate for anything whatsoever.

  • V572 the Merciless

    And this third and final post concludes Your Wonkette for 21 December.

    Must say it doesn't seem like we're getting our money's worth with only three posts today.

    • HistoriCat

      When do they put up the "See You in 2012" banner?

    • Loaded_Pants

      "…money's worth?" You mean, you've actually been paying for this? Seriously, I pay for the pleasure of seeing cute videos/pics of cats & just consider the posts on Wonkette to be freebies.

      • V572 the Merciless

        No no, they pay me. $4/upfist. Thought everyone knew that.

    • Barrelhse

      They're out buying us presents!

      • tessiee

        At Tiffany's!

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    I am not able to vomit on command, which makes expressing my feelings about Newt directly a bit difficult.

  • chascates

    Speaking of fucking assholes Sarah Palin complains about Obama's Christmas Card:
    "It's odd," she said, wondering why the president's Christmas card highlights his dog instead of traditions like 'family, faith and freedom.'"

    "Even stranger than that was his first year in office when the Christmas ornaments included Chairman Mao," Palin said. "People had to ask that it be removed because it was offensive."
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/21/sarah-pa
    (Link includes card which features Bo.)

    • fuflans

      yeah cause jesus was all up on that freedom stuff dontcha know.

      dozy cow.

    • Negropolis

      I love how she speaks like a coward (i.e. "It's odd" and "Even stranger than that").

      Shut the fuck up, you moose-sucking, meth-making, ice-licking, frostback icebilly.

  • Bluestatelibel

    You know who else put dogs on their White House Xmas Cards? That's not a rhetorical question, because actually it was George W. Bush (and note the shocking lack of anything Xmasy) http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4ef22318e

    • sbj1964

      Obama's Christmas card should say "Thank you GOP for the excellent X-mas present"Noth'in but love yall"..

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So what's the deal? Three posts today? I don't mind if these guys take it slow for the holidays, but maybe they could at least let us know what the hell is up. Only Ken ever deigns to chat with us hoi polloi/rabble anymore; hell, even the Rude Pundit lets you know if it's going to be a while before a post; and he's fucking Rude. I feel like a resident of Plato's Cave, or maybe a member of one of those New Guinean cargo cults.

  • hilbillyheroine

    Since when is Whoof Bitchboy a "family program"?? When he gushed over his mom meeting Snowbilly, I stopped thinking he was anything worth listening to.

  • hilbillyheroine

    Before he's done, Newtie will be reduced to flouting "Callista" as something positive for the cuntry: "She can suck and blow better than Nancy Reagan".

  • user-of-owls

    So a guy asks his friend to look after his cat while he's gone on vacation. After a few days, he calls the friend to check in and the friend says, "Bad news. Your cat's dead." Mortified, the guy says, "Geez, you don't just blurt something like that out. You need to sort of ease into it, you know, like, 'Your cat is on the roof and she won't come down.' Then, 'Your cat is still on the roof and she's not eating.' That sort of thing, see?" Friend says he understands and won't do something like that ever again.

    Week later, guy calls the friend again from his vacation spot and asks how things are going. "Fine," says the friend, "but your mother's on the roof."

    Wonket is on the roof.

  • fuflans

    newt gingrich's campaign, brought to you by lily allen:

    Look inside
    Look inside your tiny mind
    Now look a bit harder
    Cause we're so uninspired,
    so sick and tired of all the
    hatred you harbor

    So you say
    It's not okay to be gay
    Well I think you're just evil
    You're just some racist who
    can't tie my laces
    Your point of view is medieval

    Fuck you (fuck you)
    Fuck you very, very much
    Cause we hate what you do
    And we hate your whole crew
    So please don't stay in touch

  • Buckminster

    Newt is just hoping the current administration won't tweak NDAA too much. Then, he can just detain people who oppose him in Guantanamo.

  • sbj1964

    The truth hurts right wingers are morons!

  • Negropolis

    Did Wolf really do what I just thought he did? What a fucking asshole.

  • Manhattan123

    Fucking CNN wouldn't even say the words. Wolf Blitzer is a fucking pussy

  • NYNYNYjr

    This is what I would say "I refuse- I REFUSE to have a president named Newt Gingrich! Or Senior Iguana! Or Robert Salamander Fitzgerald! At least Obama is man's name god dammit."

    • tessiee

      In fairness, I do think that Senor Iguana is awfully cute with his tiny poncho and little sombrero. I might not vote for him for President, but I'd gladly put his tank on a sunny windowsill.

  • tessiee

    “I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

    You guys, a friend of mine was car shopping, and she saw this car she liked, and she tried to get a better price by telling the salesman (truthfully) that the Toyota dealership in the next town had the same car for $700. less. His response was, "So go buy it from them". I don't work in sales (thank god) or politics (thank god), but I cannot help feeling that this is not a good strategy.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Yes, I'm afraid I rather let fly with colourful invective upon hearing that. Geezus Christ, Wolf "because everyone's child should be named after a predator" Blitzer tsk-tsking and tut-tutting over the BAD WORDS used by that filthy, unethical, slimy, wife-dumping, mother-fucking, intern-diddling, money-grubbing WHORE might, I dunno, make the sound waves on the tv thingy stop working.

    Fuck all these tardlitards sideways with cheap Chinese quick-rust chainsaws.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    It's okay when Dickie Cheney says it, though. "Major league asshole," about a reporter, or "Fuck yourself" to a senator, for example.

  • GOPCrusher

    This left wing hate rhetoric must stop!

  • tessiee

    It's only freedom of speech when it's about "lynching", "niggers", or "monkeys".

  • prommie

    Is he ever. Fucking hump.

  • GOPCrusher

    Two toilets worth!