TRUE FACTS  2:02 pm December 21, 2011

Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to personally inform the Stay-Puft madman Newt Gingrich that he is a “fucking asshole,” to his face? You are not alone! Tom Sorensen of Iowa City shares your dream! So this is exactly what he did, in a grocery store where Newt was stomping around burping his own praises at unsuspecting shoppers. Newt then responded ominously, “luckily, it’s a free country.” FOR NOW, he means. Newt Gingrich’s first act as President will be to open a gulag in the basement of a foreclosed Radio Shack outside Tempe named for its initial occupant, Tom Sorensen.

Ha ha, also “luckily” for Sorensen, this will never happen because Newt Gingrich will never be President. Why? Mostly because Newt is sinking in the polls, which may or may not be tied to the fact that he is going around telling people not to vote for him.

From the Des Moines Register:

Newt Gingrich told a gay man and longtime resident of Oskaloosa here today that he should vote for President Obama.

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,” said Scott Arnold, an adjunct professor of writing at William Penn University.”

Arnold, a Democrat, said he came to the event at Smokey Row coffee house with an open mind. But he wanted to ask Gingrich about how he would represent him as president after reading past comments the former U.S. House Speaker has made about gay and lesbians.

“When you ask somebody a question and you expect them to support all Americans and have everyone’s general interest,” Arnold said. “It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side. That he doesn’t need your support.”

Yep, “fucking asshole” about says it. [TPM/CNN]

 

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{ 365 comments }

nounverb911 December 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Three cheers for freedom of speech!

FlownOver December 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Another instance of speaking truth to fuckwads.

HedonismBot December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Hooray! Moar plz.

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Sadly enough, these pieces of shit don't get told often enough that they are, as a matter of fact, pieces of shit.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Somewhere around the Reagan era, the journalists whose job it is to call politicians on their shit got the idea that it was bad form to ask questions and hold people (by which I mean Republicans) accountable for their actions. Since they won't uphold their responsibility, someone's gotta do it.

OneDollarJuana December 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Please, let's be precise. Speaking truth to "fucking assholes".

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I've always wondered what is a "wad" of "fucks"? The group of potential GOP Presidential candidates this year finally answered that question.

Limeylizzie December 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I would have gone with 'Fucking rotund cunt" but whatever works.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Oh, they would have bleeped that out for sure!

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm

You have an unerring ear for the poetry in every English word.

"Fucking rotund cunt." I think I'll Tweet that.

cheetojeebus December 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm

and as the kids say: " FRC"

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:46 pm

"Rotund fucking cunt" works, too.

Fare la Volpe December 21, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I'm partial to "Cunt-Fucking Rotund."

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I'm sure Newter's getting so little strange under Callista's watchful eye that using "fucking" in the same sentence as his name probably causes him as much delight as orgasms once used to.

Fare la Volpe December 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm

$50 says he's already schtooping a new future Mrs. Gingrich.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I ain't takin' that bet honey. Mama didn't raise her no dumbass kids. Taught me not to take off my hat in front of no woodpeckers, neither.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:01 am

WIN

Though "Rotund Fucking Dozy Cunt" would definitely classify as an honorable mention.

prommie December 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Loathsome fucking narcissistic demagoguing mountebank.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

He's also fat.

littlebigdaddy December 21, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Sorenson is no Oscar Wilde or Limeylizzie, but "fucking asshole" does have the virtue of directness.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Newt's new campaign motto: "Gingrich–much like an odoriferous orifice, he's dedicated to the elimination of waste."

Dashboard_Jesus December 22, 2011 at 2:45 am

too many syllables for the morons, keep it simple…"Gingrich- much like an asshole he's full o' shit"

billy_reuben December 22, 2011 at 7:31 am

Shorter slogan still — 'Newt Gingrich: a fucking asshole'

(parsimony is where it's at, ladies and gentlemen)

Ayn Rand Paul Tard December 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Unfortunately, this insult is way too highbrow for America.

Infrogmation December 22, 2011 at 8:12 am

Rotund cunt libel!

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Wolf is such a tool. "I didn't exactly hear what that guy said to Newt…I know he used a bad word." What. A. Fucking. Asshole.

Nesnora December 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

The only bad words Newt can't stand is "till death do us part"…

slowhansolo December 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Leslie is such a dainty flower.

Chillwaver December 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Dullest motherfucker on cable news. I wish Fox News would hire him already.

Fare la Volpe December 21, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Faux News reporters are many things, but "dull" is never one of them.

MissTaken December 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Not blonde or Doocy enough.

dadanarchist December 21, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Blitz really earned his place on Pareene's annual Hack List with that one.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

But he is a fucking asshole. And in Newt's circle, and amongst his peers, that's a compliment.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

While I wouldn't go so far as to call the guy a 'babe,' there certainly is truth coming outta his mouth!

donner_froh December 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

The gheys are very sneaky. The guy looked just like a real Iowa-American: well padded, dressed in head to toe camouflage, gray hair and goatee. No wonder poor Newtie was fooled into talking to him.

Beowoof December 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

He could have taken it to extremes and been dressed as a war vet. Ask Mitt how that worked for him.

Biff December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Just like that old queen Viet Nam Vet in New Hampshire reeled in Romney!

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Do you really think Newt would have been fooled by a lisping twink? Please, Newt is the "intellectual" of the GOP & would have seen right through that clever disguise.

prommie December 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Sometimes it takes a fucking asshole to be the defender and restorer of civilization. Have any of you ever thought of that, huh, wiseguys?

Darthhippy December 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

We tried that for 8 years, no worky to well for the rest of us.

snackypants December 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm

You know who else was a fucking asshole who promised to be the defender and restorer of civilization?

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Aw, now, SNACKY!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Ralph Nader?

ChernobylSoup December 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Upon hearing him described as a fucking asshole, Newt's approval rating with Iowan evangelicals went up eleven points.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I'm you!!

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:13 pm

If he had been called a "freakin' you-know-what-hole", his approval ratings would have went up by 30 points among Iowan evangelicals. They don't like all that cussin' so much.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:23 pm

"They don't like all that cussin' so much."

Yeah, but judging by how many evangelicals get caught with rent boys, apparently they *do* like fucking assholes.

Not_So_Much December 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

This gives 'fucking assholes' everywhere a bad name.

teebob2000 December 21, 2011 at 2:12 pm

At about 0:48 Acosta says, "it is something that he will admit himself." I of course thought he meant Gingrich thinks of himself as a fucking asshole. Which he probably does.

NewYorkJew December 21, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Please respect assholes! And fucking! And the two put together!

What should Newt really be called?

poncho_pilot December 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

a vulgar pox on America?

Vulgar Pox sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Much like "Colon Blow"?

Beowoof December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Herpes on a lightly salted rat dick works for me.

Negligently_Joe December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

A particularly condecending plastic grocery bag stuffed with mashed potatoes?

Callyson December 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I'd say "an also – ran," but I think his presence on the Greedy One Percent ticket will only help Obama…

dadanarchist December 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Fascist taint cheese.

cheetojeebus December 21, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I am always reminded of that word scrofulous when i see a pic of newt.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Tainted Fascist Cheese? The stuff that's right next to the Boar's Head in the cheese case?

MissTaken December 21, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Fecal-crusted hemorrhoid?

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

That's unfair. There are fecal-encrusted hemorrhoids who could offer significantly smarter policy proposals than that shitclown.

MissTaken December 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Hey now! Some of my best friends are shitclowns

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Shitclowns, huh? For some reason, I DON'T want to see that circus act.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 5:09 pm

These are excellent suggestions, gang. Really top drawer and I admire them all. But so far I haven't seen anything here that is nearly so five-minutes-of-incessant-spasmodic-dry-heaves revolting as simply "Newt Gingrich".

Guppy December 21, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Santorum. Oh, wait…

LetUsBray December 21, 2011 at 9:23 pm

I've always thought of him as a burning bag of dog shit on America's front door step.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

I said, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer", and I *meant*, "Fat pasty cancer-wife-divorcing serial adulterer".

SexySmurf December 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

You know who else was a fucking asshole?

chascates December 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm

The rest of the GOP lineup running for President?

fartknocker December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Dick Cheney for continuing to postpone his ultimate demise.

Chillwaver December 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

The question, when referring to the GOP, is "who isn't a fucking asshole?"

poncho_pilot December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

i'll take "fucking assholes" for 200, Alex.

Fare la Volpe December 21, 2011 at 3:18 pm

That's "Fuck in Gas Sholes," Mr. Connery.

prommie December 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Thats what your mother said to me last night, Trebeck.

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Todd Palin?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Marcus when he is with Michele?

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Marcus Bachmann's asshole?

(Moved from below, after Lionel H deleted his original, identical comment this was a response to.)

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

All of the… *oooof*

This comment has been deleted by User-of-Owls.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Damn! Is user doin' his own enforcin', now? Better watch what *I* say around that motherfucker, I'm tellin' ya.

flamingpdog December 21, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Try being a freakin' ground squirrel with UofO in enforcement mode.

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Ayn Rand?

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:33 pm

No, she wasn't a fucking asshole. But she had a talking asshole which was often mistaken for her mouth.
(With apologies to William Burroughs).

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm

"Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth" — someecards

themcwow December 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"There was an F word involved." HA HA HA

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Fiddlesticks? Fudge? Flying? DON'T KEEP US IN SUSPENSE, WOLFIE.

GunToting[Redacted] December 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

FABulous.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I dare say it was "Fuddle Duddle", as we say in the north country.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuddle_duddle

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Wolf Blitzer is exactly the kind of fuddy-duddy that I would expect to use terms like fuddle-duddle.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Yeah, Blitzer couldn't pull it off. But on Pierre Trudeau's lips…., He typically radiated contempt at stupid questions that he felt were a waste of time, and in this case he was sending out disdain-waves of an intensity thought only possible from Her Majesty the Queen, and then only if a drunken subject tried to cop a feel. I'm still amazed that TV tubes weren't fried across the country when he told the pack of yapping journalists – just a hint of a sneer on his lips – that no, he couldn't remember what he said, or mouthed, or whatever, but it may have been "fuddle duddle", then just walked away. Thing of beauty really.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Fairy? Fairness? Fuddruckers? Freedums?

chascates December 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Just like Herman Cain's 'Run for President Book Tour' Newt will make money even if he ends up dead ass last. And I'd look for a new Mrs. Gingrich if Ellis the Elephant doesn't start moving more copies.

fartknocker December 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Note to CNN programming staff: If you type the letters F**CKING A$$HOLE on your scrolling graphics, we in America will understand what he said.

This man deserves numerous kudos.

MissTaken December 21, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Fracking Armhole?

coolhandnuke December 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Correction: "Fucking assholes,"…Newt requires two toilets on his campaign trail.

Nopantsmcgee December 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Today, we are all adjunct professors of writing at William Penn University.

littlebigdaddy December 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Is that a real place?

bumfug December 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

"…and that goes for that lizard-ass bitch you're fucking, too!"

johnnymeatworth December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

"Sorry, meant 'diamond-sucking lizard-ass bitch….' "

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Those diamond-sucking lizards are the worst. Just ask Newt.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:07 am

ROTFLMAO!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans.

Am I the only one that would be more interested in Rick Perry's answer?

Or Marcus Bachmann's?

Ducksworthy December 21, 2011 at 2:21 pm

What is Marcus' position on Santorum?

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Perverse cowgirl.

Beowoof December 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

We know that Marcus will be at his clinic trying to suck the ghey out of them.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Marcus would be all too willing to "engage gay Americans" as First Lady.

Extemporanus December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Tiffany's has an excellent meat department.

/DerrickWildcat

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm

What you mean? I'm keeping records of people saying good things about me and people that say bad things about me and I don't know which category to put this in.

Extemporanus December 21, 2011 at 3:48 pm

It occurred to me after leaving it that my comment inadvertently called to mind your much appreciated Hedbergian sense of humor.

Also, severed feet make great stocking stuffers.

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Wow, thank you. This guy is about perfect.

Extemporanus December 21, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I was at the airport a while back and some guy said, "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said, "Dude! I saw you at the airport…about a minute ago…and you were good."

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Your new avatar is truly HeadBeargian.
But, srsly, Mitch left us way too soon.

Extemporanus December 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Pedo Claws is always on the lookout for more little helpers.

Wadisay December 21, 2011 at 5:49 pm

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" is what Newt calls oral sex.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Is "Tiffany's" Newt's sexy parts or Callista's?

Never mind. Just asking the question has made me ill…
EDIT: Why would I think either of them had "sexy parts"? UGH. I'm off the hang myself now.

gullywompr December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Country garland in the wind and the rain
Wherever he goes the people all complain

littlebigdaddy December 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Is it St. Stephen's Day?

smashedinhat December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I suspect Newt has been called an asshole to his face all his life. Just not in public.
So yay!

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Possibly by a certain ex-wife, when served divorce papers in the hospital.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 4:59 pm

At least two. He dumped the second ex over the phone. She was over at her Mom's house celebrating Mother's Day, having just found out that she had MS. Newt calls and tells her he wants a divorce to marry Callista. What a winner.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm

That Newt has a heart of gold. Unfortunately, it's in a safe deposit box in a Swiss bank.

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Asspole rhymes.

Chillwaver December 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

The video would've been a lot more interesting without Wolf on it. Totally ruined it for me.

dadanarchist December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

You know who else was a fucking asshole?

Reagan.

Biff December 21, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Way to ruin the game.

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Srsly. I blame Reagan as the original architect of the apocalyptic implosion of our economy. Trickle down economics. What a farce.

DaRooster December 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Oh, its tricklin' alright…

littlebigdaddy December 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Lex Steele?

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Yes, he is.

x111e7thst December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Better a thousand fucking assholes than a single fucking Newt.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Or, God forbid, fucking a single Newt.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

You see, this is why, as annoying as it is for Iowa and New Hampshire to go first, it at least forces everyone to actually go out and talk with people. There is something about having a potential president show that he can handle whatever random ass person comes up to him. Hell, I would think it would be perfect experience for dealing with Iran…., or Congress.

johnnymeatworth December 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Wait, I though Marcus Bachmann was fucking assholes….

phlox✔ December 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

HAHAHA. Like Marcus is, in any universe, a top! HAHAHA

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I agree. Definite bottom, that one.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Michele: "You want me to strap this on? But why?"
Marcus: "Just shut up & do it! Remember that you should submit to your husband even before he submits to you!"

Spurning Beer December 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm

The experts who have been polling the electorate say that if you look directly below Bachmann, you'll see Santorum.

johnnymeatworth December 21, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Yep, all over the sheets.

Ducksworthy December 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

And then we have CNN apologizing for the fuckwad by citing his talking point the "he arouses passions" as if somehow Newtie was turning people on to something other than nausea. Fucking CNN.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Well, if you regard ipecac syrup as "arousing passions" CNN may have a point.

memzilla December 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Another example of "False Equivalence," the corporate media's presentation of two sides of an issue as having equal merit. Not to be confused with "Objectivity."

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Funny you should say that. Just as I turned that clip on, I suffered the most horrific attack of nausea I can remember. (This from someone who eats sea urchin gonads, i.e., not much makes ME puke.)

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Oh please, I called bullshit on the whole clip after Acosta claimed that he was anchoring a "family program such as this." You aren't on fucking Sesame Street, you fucking moron.

Generation[redacted] December 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

This is way better than that "Joe the Plumber" stunt last election.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm

I'm not sure I agree. I mean, "Joe the Plumber" was at least intentionally funny.
He was intentionally funny, right?

Major Thom December 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Rick "Don't Google Me" Santorum is the original fucking asshole. Sorry.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

No, no, no. Ricky Santorum is the original FUCKED asshole. See http://www.spreadingsantorum.com for details.

Major Thom December 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I bow to your obvious expertise in this area.

vtxmcrider December 21, 2011 at 6:13 pm

You sound so willing to assume position. You, too, can become an expert.

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Hitler?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Sexy Smurf beat me to this. Damn great minds, and quicker fingers.

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
But Hitler, or Stalin, always works.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I know, I was going to answer: Wonkateers who don't read the comments before posting?
But Hitler,….

This comment has been deleted by the user.

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

This comment has been deleted by the user.

Buzz Feedback December 21, 2011 at 2:22 pm

"Fucking asshole."

Is there any other kind?

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Well assholes are more often full of shit.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:46 pm

The other kind is the asshole that is being fucked. But that is always a much better kind whether it applies to individuals and/or sexual acts.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:22 pm

There's just something so therapeutic about the word "asshole," the way it rolls off the tongue. AAASSSSS-HOOOOOLE. And adding the modifier "fucking" is just gravy.

memzilla December 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

It's the santorum on the cake!

prommie December 22, 2011 at 10:57 am

Did you know that when crowds around the world chant "asss-hole," they use the same two notes?

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

Adulterers and Homosexuals are both in the, "Shall be put to death" bible boat. You'd think they'd want to team up and help each other.
I'm just trying to be helpful.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I'm neither of those. But I do like to eat bugs.

So sign me up!

arihaya December 22, 2011 at 2:12 am

no one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle !

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Their name is Legion, and they are many.

BigDumbRedDog December 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

As a fucking asshole, I'm offended that this guy called Newt a fucking asshole.

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Really. The nerve!

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I'm only an asshole to other assholes so it evens out, karma-wise, as far as I'm concerned.

memzilla December 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Now is the time to make the word "Newt" synonymous with something as disgusting as "Santorum."

I was thinking "anal fistula," but that's a little obscure.

How about we call it "Newt," that yellow-green pus that oozes from one's genitals from a syphilis or gonorrhea infection? As in "Doctor, it hurts when I take a leak, and I've got all this Newt coming out!" Or "Honey, my Newt's really bad tonight, I don't think we should f*** right now."

Any other Wonketeer suggestions?

fartknocker December 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Anal polyps?

Spurning Beer December 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Maybe "Fucking Asshole Drainage"? Oh wait, that's Santorum.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm

That crusty stuff that collects in the areas old or obese people can't reach when they bathe.

littlebigdaddy December 21, 2011 at 4:10 pm

The mixture of blood and feces resulting from severe hemorrhoids?

Jukesgrrl December 21, 2011 at 6:03 pm

"I was thinking 'anal fistula,' but that's a little obscure."

I don't know where you live but here in Arizona …

vtxmcrider December 21, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Since Gingrich is such a fat, bloviating gasbag, it is appropriate for "newt" to mean simply "comically tiny cock," as in: "Callista has to fumble in the dark for his newt."

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Prolapsed rectum, maybe?

Angry_Marmot December 21, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Rectum? It damn near killed him!

sunmusing December 21, 2011 at 10:12 pm

smegma…….smegma junkie?

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Seems like only yesterday afternoon that Chet Kinkaid was telling us about some guy calling Newt a f—ing a–hole. You mean it happened a second time?

LetUsBray December 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Now that you mention it, you'd think someone calling a fucking asshole like Newt Gingrich a fucking asshole would be your classic example of a dog bites man story, as cliche as a rainy day in Seattle or a "Family Values" conservative caught diddling rent boys. You almost wonder how it's still news.

Pithaughn December 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I'm guessing that fella will now be known as Tom the Truther, for ever, even if it turns out his name is not Tom but Richard.

Mort_Sinclair December 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

If Gingrich were a true statesman, like our form Veep Dick Cheney, he would have told this gentleman to "Go fuck himself." Gingrich is clearly not presidential material.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Goddammit, 2012 is going to suck long and hard.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Both Rick Perry & Marcus Bachmann approve of this assessment.

Angry_Marmot December 21, 2011 at 9:45 pm

You know who else sucked long and hard?

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:13 am

That's what she said.

But, seriously, it's going to be so satisfying at the end if this thing keeps on going like it is.

RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

You know who else said to fuck off in a public forum? That's right, Darth Cheney.

weejee December 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

That's right, the late Darth Cheney.

fixed

Negligently_Joe December 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Man, you had me frantically googling, thinking I'd just missed something.

You mustn't tease us like that, dear.

weejee December 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Show me the pulse.

Negligently_Joe December 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm

WHERE'S THE CARDIAC STRIP.

LONG-FORM, also too.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm

The late, flesh-eating zombie Darth Cheney.

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Someone told him to fuck off one time, right? A survivor of Katrina.

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm
RadioYKWE December 21, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Yeah right, Dick, you were a "Fuck Off" virgin.

Nesnora December 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm

milton friedman?

Callyson December 21, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Today, we are all Tom Sorensen.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I've been Tom Sorenson for years and years.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 5:03 pm

In *that* case, it would appear we have just been arrested for brutally nutpunching Newt.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

If, by "Tom Sorenson", you mean, "think Newt is a fucking asshole", then yes.

Spurning Beer December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Newt is running to be the President of Republican People in the United States. It's not like he would be the president for gay, black, latino, or muslim people, you know.

spends2much December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

What an inspiring inaugural speech Newtie would give, as he addressed the segments of Murrica he gives a shit about, while telling the rest of the populace to cover their ears or go have gay sex on a pile of bibles, or whatever it is he thinks we perverted Libruls do.

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Pile of Qur'ans, I think?

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Newt doesn't want to represent gay Americans – like his own sister. The fucking asshole.

Maman December 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

exactly.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

"white rural high home -school-educated evangelical Christians."

There you go sir/ma'm. Fixed right up as good as new.

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"white rural high home-schooled educated evangelical Christians."

Because don't kid yourself: home "schooling" and education are two different things. One of them gives you empathy for others, the ability to function in society, an understanding that everything isn't about you, and a respect for legitimate figures of authority.

The other one can easily make you a narcissistic asshole. Newt wasn't home-schooled, but went to high school in Columbus GA, where every other kid was an Army brat like him, and you can bet he spent several years at DoD schools when his father was stationed overseas. They can be very good schools, but it's a closed environment, even moreso overseas.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Very true. Good eye. And while we're at it:

"white rural high home-schooled educated evangelicals Christians."

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Because they left out billionaire CEOs, right?

Nostrildamus December 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

“fucking asshole” about says it

I could also go with "inbred, bloated, lard clown dripping rancid diaper gravy".

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Really that is a spectacular piece of work. All future efforts to refer to the thin-skinned toxic salamander should begin with that. Now if only we could find a way to fit the expression "suppurating venereal chancre" in there, it might never be surpassed. But should we change "gravy" to "gravied" and put it at the end, or make "S-V-C" the adjective and put "chanchred" before "diaper".

It's such a tough decision, because posterity is watching.

Nostrildamus December 21, 2011 at 6:50 pm

This is how Emily Dickenson must have felt.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Great. Now I've got Frank singing

'Cause you're an asshole,
You're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole

in my head. And it probably won't go away.

weejee December 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm

BTF, try the Wonkette brain bleach.

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 3:12 pm

That's because chicks dig Eldorados.

Generation[redacted] December 21, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Not in New York.

prommie December 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

"I have sniffed the reeking buns of Angel, and acted like it was cocaine." Thats pure poetry there.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I like the way he strung out "co-cay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ayn."

prommie December 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Another great line: "And the plumber he said, never flush a tam-pone."

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Shit. You gave ME the earworm, too. Where's my iPod when I need him?

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I guess I'm a fucking asshole, now.

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I can take about a hour on The Tower Of Power, as long as I gets a little Golden Shower.

prommie December 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

God oh God I'm so fantastic, thanks to freddy I'm a sexual spastic, and I'm a miserable son of a bitch, am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Try singing in your mind, to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch", "your'e an asshole, Newt Gingrich". It rhymes, it scans, and it's Christmas-y.

proudgrampa December 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Some of my best friends became fucking assholes.

Biff December 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

September 11 2001 was a defining moment for many fucking assholes.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Some fucking assholes became my worst friends.

DonnyKerabotsos December 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama.”

Well, Newt has embraced the Catholicism with the righteous fervor of the newly converted. What's next? Will he fondle an altar boy?

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 2:38 pm

"It is a very ugly moment for the former speaker. It is something he will admit himself."

So what you're saying, Jim Acosta, is that Newt will readily admit to the fact that he is indeed a fucking asshole. Good to know. I think we're done here.

Mumbletypeg December 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Did I mention how full of Win your reference to him a few threads ago as "fetid turdbucket." With that insult I wondered if it was possible to come up w/ another to top it.

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

*blushes*

Actually, the "fetid turdbucket" was in reference to Allan West. But since Newtie is apparently trying to be Allan West with a severe case of morbid obesity and vitiligo, the insult can still apply.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

We could keep things straight by reserving "fetid turdbucket" for AW. It's more appropriate to call the thin-skinned toxic salamander a "fœtid turdbucket", him being a PhD Doctor what knows lotsa fancy talkin'.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I like gravy sucking pig. It doesn't get bleeped.
I hope this starts a new trend, telling Newt to his face what you really think of him.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

As the weeks goes by, it seems each republican candidate rises to the occasion and proceeds to through away what little chance they have to become a major world leader.

By the way, you know who else threw away the chance to be … forget it.

LetUsBray December 21, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Reagan? He forgot a whole lot of stuff.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Al Gore?

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Can't believe Newtie didn't engage the guy and lecture him condescendingly: "Frankly, your statement is palpably and factually incorrect. Although I may, in the estimation of you and some other misguided individuals, be an asshole, I prefer to fuck others in their assholes, both actually (in Callista's case) and virtually, through legislation, outrageous assertions and insults, and negative advertising."

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 3:06 pm

"In fact, I'm fucking you in the asshole right this minute. And not in a good way."

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:16 pm

"I've been fucking everyone I can since 1995. And not in the way I fuck Callista after I ask her to take off that white helmet of hers."

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

That's just a little too pitch-perfect.

You're scaring me now.

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Frankly, whenever a person begins a statement with “frankly,” you know that everything following it will be bullshit.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:46 pm

And that was today's installment of V572's popular "How to Spot a Fucking Asshole" series.

Tune in tomorrow when the Merciless Mentor presents, "Yes, it is Perfectly Appropriate to Deliver Blunt Force Trauma to a Fucking Asshole Who Begins a Statement with 'Bluntly Speaking.'"

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Who is this Frank Lee & why do so many people have his name?

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:21 am

Because they're Chinese?

prommie December 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Condescending assholes always start with "What you don't understand…" or words of similar import.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Note to self: Take statement out of all public speeches and high-handed browbeatings.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:19 pm

I would also add:
"Frankly…"
"Actually…"
"Despite what's being reported…"
and
"He was just trying to show those boys how the shower…"

actor212 December 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Wait. IS Newt an actively fucking asshole? Doesn't that make him gay? At least as a catcher? So doesn't that mean that Newt can't even vote for himself?

weejee December 21, 2011 at 2:46 pm

The catcher is so rye.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Such a bad weej. Come sit by me and tell me *everything.*

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:41 pm

"Luckily, it's a free country, because if it were a crime to be a fucking asshole, I'd be on death row."

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:22 am

Winning!

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Anyone else notice the resemblance between Mr Sorenson and our own tttommyunger (well, at least his avatar)?

Maman December 21, 2011 at 2:47 pm

The right has been obsessed with the idea of re-education camps because they were afraid the Dem's were going to steal their plan.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

The Met is advertising on Wonkette?

Antispandex December 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Why isn't THAT guy running for President? He seems to have the pulse of the nation much better than Hopey.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Today, we are all fucking assholes.

DaRooster December 21, 2011 at 2:53 pm

“It’s a little bit frustrating and disheartening when you’re told to support the other side…"

Really? You had best get used to this… I am.

KeepFnThatChicken December 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

"Won't say it," because CNN is now family programming?

And "Won't rhyme it" either? Jesus, why watch CNN at all, if you can't even conjure up a "TRUCKING CRASSMOLE"?

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Clucking casserole?

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 3:13 pm

They couldn't even pull a Cee-Lo and change it to "forgetting asshole".

Generation[redacted] December 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Now we see what happens when Newt finds a stranger in the Alps.

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Heh; that reminds me of watching Die Hard on network TV: Yippie kai yay, melon farmer.

Negligently_Joe December 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I am so sick of these mother-loving snakes on this monday-to-friday plane!

Wonderthing December 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I don't give a hoot about the Newt, I wander about in my birthday suit, it's fun, it's free, it's twiddle de dee, it's not about you, it's always me!

Blueb4sunrise December 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

As uh historian, I can tell you that the man said 'fishing a shoal', which is a specific way of guiding the bait around in shallow water, now come into more general use in the South as a term for 'deft maneuvering'.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Thanks! I thought the man said "fracking a shale", so it's good to be set right.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Any number of words are evoked when Gingrich's name comes up.

"Deft" is absolutely not one of these.

Generation[redacted] December 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Ha ha. Someone got Newted.

Biff December 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I'm sure it will be used by his opponents, in carefully and properly edited form.

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I could die a happy man if somebody animated a gif of him saying that ala The That's Not Racial Transcendence Kid.

Chichikovovich December 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm

For that idea, I hope you get awarded the first Nobel prize for Super Awesomeness.

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Brilliant. Can the gifzette guys do it? I have absolutely no idea how.

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Please, like the Democratic Party has ever properly harnessed footage of anything happening, EVER, in order to win an election.

jesus_vs_gojira December 21, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Not true! They had that footage of Dukakis riding in a tank.

Wait, you wrote "win an election"…

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 5:11 pm

There's always a catch!

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That is still a disturbing image. * shudder *

Biff December 21, 2011 at 5:51 pm

I'm just thinking of the primaries, here.

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Oh, fair enough. The Republicans will use this in brilliant, evil ways. It'll be fun to see how they twist it to make Newt look like he is bad for being mean to a gay guy, though.

BarackMyWorld December 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Saying Newt "arouses passion" in people makes me feel sick in ways I didn't think were humanly possible. Thanks CNN.

SayItWithWookies December 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Poor Newt — I'll bet he's thinking that if he knew he was going to be called a fucking asshole this much he should've gotten married more often.

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Do you have a very favorable, somewhat favorable, somewhat unfavorable, or very unfavorable opinion?

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Yes.

mavenmaven December 21, 2011 at 3:12 pm

"F***ing @$$hole"? That's what Rick Perry likes most, in private…

Katydid December 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Old Newt's having a bad day….read the story starfanglednut posted in the other thread:

After Gingrich finished speaking, the protesters chased him and his wife, Callista, down the stairs of the capitol.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2011/12/21/pr

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Needz moar inchoate violenz.

Pres.Libunatic December 21, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Meanwhile, in a cheeky attack on the former House Speaker, the super PAC American Bridge has bought NewtGingrich.com and programmed it to redirect to other websites, including Tiffany's, Craigslist, and Freddie Mac's site.

For the win.

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Think how truly wonderful it must be to be an Iowanite.

SheriffRoscoe December 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

If he wants to win, Newt better hurry up and turn up the old charm and sex appeal, of which he is famous for.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

What goes around comes around. Long ago Newt developed this list of words to call his friends and opponents.
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article4

loki_monster December 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

These are real Iowans, and they are the reason I love my adopted home state of Iowa to this day. Fuck yeah Iowa!

twoeightnine December 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Fucking asshole is not a bad word. It's a fucking stupendous pair of words.

DerrickWildcat December 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Hurry up and post another story please. I'm about ready for my beer nap.

Mumbletypeg December 21, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I feel badly for all the twitter lemmings who won't see the cliff's edge in time to jump ship into the figment-factory of another candidate's imagination.

iburl December 21, 2011 at 3:48 pm

"Some Ugly moments"? That's the whole point of the GOP Primary, isn't it? Moment after moment after moment. Ugly, Ugly, Ugly.

comrad_darkness December 21, 2011 at 3:56 pm

So, who are Newt's people? Half senile codgers who only hear every other word spewed on Fox News?

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

OT, but Biden said the unthinkable: the Taliban are not our enemies.

If that's true (and it is), what the fuck are we doing in A'stan? Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with Saudi Arabia.

HistoriCat December 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm

The makeup sex between W and that prince would have been epic – forget holding hands!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

"Because if we're going to go to war against every murderous theocracy in the world, we should've started with the confederacy."

Fixed that for– oh, wait.

V572 the Merciless December 22, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Ha ha! Good thing the “lost.”

SorosBot December 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm

OT but we've got another GOP nomination drop-out: Gary "who?" Johnson, who has switched to running for the Libertarian Party nomination:
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/70727.h

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Who?

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Heh. "Johnson."

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Did he consult Ron Paul about this? I mean, look at well that works out.

MissTaken December 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

This is reason #486 why I won't move to Iowa:

Presidential wannabes trolling around the grocery store when I just want to buy some Salsa Verde Doritos and B&J's Mint Chocolate Cookie in peace. What a fucking asshole.

sbj1964 December 21, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Newton Leroy Ginrick that's his real name. You can stop running now the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut! Talk about shooting themselves in the foot!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

"the House Republicans are handing the Victory to President Obama right now with there shenanigans over the Payroll tax cut!"

Yeah… you'd *think* so, wouldn't ya?

smitallica December 21, 2011 at 4:14 pm

What I saw in that video was disgusting, offensive, and completely uncalled for. But the guy insulting him was right on.

sarah_connor December 21, 2011 at 4:26 pm

today we are all ghey longtime residents of Oskaloosa.

WinterOuthouse December 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

What a fucking fuck of an asshole.

Speaking of assholes. Does anyone else put a little stuffing in the asshole of the turkey as well as the inner cavity? Sounds sexual doesn't it? whoops

starfanglednut December 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I believe Marcus Bachmann's clinic can help you. They take medicaid, you know.

SayItWithWookies December 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Oh look — here's two more people Newt would like to support President Obama. And let me just say how proud they make me — among other things — of our soldiers and sailors.

anniegetyerfun December 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Thank you for that. I'll be in my bunk.

ProgressiveInga December 21, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I'd hit 'em.

Pres.Libunatic December 21, 2011 at 6:16 pm

For some reason I am reminded of the opening montage of Watchmen…. carry on, sailors!

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Personally, I prefer the ghey mens but that is hawt, too.

bflrtsplk December 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Maybe he said, "You're ugly and your third wife dresses you funny." That works too.

owhatever December 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Mr. Speaker, I want you to know that I do not believe those YouTube pictures of Calista giving Herman Cain a blowjob for Christmas. I do, however, believe you are a fuckin' asshole.

ttommyunger December 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Iowans just went up a notch in my estimation.

whatupirondog December 21, 2011 at 5:07 pm

As a resident of flyover country I feel I should point out that Newt is not being called a fucking asshole at a grocery store. All Iowa grocery stores have only one level as it makes it easier to clean when the local bumpkins visit trailing pig shit from their filthy, shoeless feet.

If I had to guess, I would guess that he is being called a fucking asshole at the Old Capitol Mall, a dying institution (SYMBOLISM) near the university campus. Don't count on a retraction from Wolf and Co., though, as I am sure they are too busy counting their ill-gotten lucre from Soros for spreading this vile YouTube slander of a great American statesman who also just happens to be a fucking asshole.

Walkinwiddaking December 21, 2011 at 5:32 pm

What the fuck did camo guy say?

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Is it just me or does this Vander Plaats person seem a bit pathetic?

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm

He's a hateful little shit that ran in the Republiklan primary for Governor on the promise of banning same sex marriage in Iowa by any means necessary. He even talked about abolishing the Supreme Court since they ruled that banning same sex marriage was Unconstitutional.

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 5:47 pm

A case of casting poop before swine?

Pres.Libunatic December 21, 2011 at 6:19 pm

This primary season is really starting to look like a total cluster. The irony is that the one candidate who would have a real shot at beating Nobama (Huntsman) is being totally ignored.

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Seriously, though, what sort of dipshit tells you to vote for the guy you hope to run against?

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm

The kind that believes that white, evangelical, Xtians make up the majority of America.

voodooeconomics December 21, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Who the fuck names his kid Wolf Blitzer. I'd like to tell him you are a fucking asshole.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Blitzer may indeed be a fucking asshole, but his real first name that his parents gave him is Leslie. I'm sure that the nickname Wolf was chosen completely at random and is totally not a desperate attempt to overcompensate for anything whatsoever.

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 6:07 pm

And this third and final post concludes Your Wonkette for 21 December.

Must say it doesn't seem like we're getting our money's worth with only three posts today.

HistoriCat December 21, 2011 at 7:13 pm

When do they put up the "See You in 2012" banner?

Loaded_Pants December 21, 2011 at 7:29 pm

"…money's worth?" You mean, you've actually been paying for this? Seriously, I pay for the pleasure of seeing cute videos/pics of cats & just consider the posts on Wonkette to be freebies.

V572 the Merciless December 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm

No no, they pay me. $4/upfist. Thought everyone knew that.

Barrelhse December 21, 2011 at 10:53 pm

They're out buying us presents!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:19 pm

At Tiffany's!

glamourdammerung December 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I am not able to vomit on command, which makes expressing my feelings about Newt directly a bit difficult.

chascates December 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Speaking of fucking assholes Sarah Palin complains about Obama's Christmas Card:
"It's odd," she said, wondering why the president's Christmas card highlights his dog instead of traditions like 'family, faith and freedom.'"

"Even stranger than that was his first year in office when the Christmas ornaments included Chairman Mao," Palin said. "People had to ask that it be removed because it was offensive."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/21/sarah-pa
(Link includes card which features Bo.)

fuflans December 21, 2011 at 7:46 pm

yeah cause jesus was all up on that freedom stuff dontcha know.

dozy cow.

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:33 am

I love how she speaks like a coward (i.e. "It's odd" and "Even stranger than that").

Shut the fuck up, you moose-sucking, meth-making, ice-licking, frostback icebilly.

Bluestatelibel December 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm

You know who else put dogs on their White House Xmas Cards? That's not a rhetorical question, because actually it was George W. Bush (and note the shocking lack of anything Xmasy) http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4ef22318e

sbj1964 December 21, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Obama's Christmas card should say "Thank you GOP for the excellent X-mas present"Noth'in but love yall"..

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm

So what's the deal? Three posts today? I don't mind if these guys take it slow for the holidays, but maybe they could at least let us know what the hell is up. Only Ken ever deigns to chat with us hoi polloi/rabble anymore; hell, even the Rude Pundit lets you know if it's going to be a while before a post; and he's fucking Rude. I feel like a resident of Plato's Cave, or maybe a member of one of those New Guinean cargo cults.

hilbillyheroine December 21, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Since when is Whoof Bitchboy a "family program"?? When he gushed over his mom meeting Snowbilly, I stopped thinking he was anything worth listening to.

hilbillyheroine December 21, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Before he's done, Newtie will be reduced to flouting "Callista" as something positive for the cuntry: "She can suck and blow better than Nancy Reagan".

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 7:23 pm

So a guy asks his friend to look after his cat while he's gone on vacation. After a few days, he calls the friend to check in and the friend says, "Bad news. Your cat's dead." Mortified, the guy says, "Geez, you don't just blurt something like that out. You need to sort of ease into it, you know, like, 'Your cat is on the roof and she won't come down.' Then, 'Your cat is still on the roof and she's not eating.' That sort of thing, see?" Friend says he understands and won't do something like that ever again.

Week later, guy calls the friend again from his vacation spot and asks how things are going. "Fine," says the friend, "but your mother's on the roof."

Wonket is on the roof.

fuflans December 21, 2011 at 7:57 pm

newt gingrich's campaign, brought to you by lily allen:

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired,
so sick and tired of all the
hatred you harbor

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who
can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Buckminster December 21, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Newt is just hoping the current administration won't tweak NDAA too much. Then, he can just detain people who oppose him in Guantanamo.

sbj1964 December 21, 2011 at 11:51 pm

The truth hurts right wingers are morons!

Negropolis December 21, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Did Wolf really do what I just thought he did? What a fucking asshole.

Manhattan123 December 22, 2011 at 1:37 am

Fucking CNN wouldn't even say the words. Wolf Blitzer is a fucking pussy

NYNYNYjr December 22, 2011 at 2:38 am

This is what I would say "I refuse- I REFUSE to have a president named Newt Gingrich! Or Senior Iguana! Or Robert Salamander Fitzgerald! At least Obama is man's name god dammit."

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 2:22 pm

In fairness, I do think that Senor Iguana is awfully cute with his tiny poncho and little sombrero. I might not vote for him for President, but I'd gladly put his tank on a sunny windowsill.

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama,”

You guys, a friend of mine was car shopping, and she saw this car she liked, and she tried to get a better price by telling the salesman (truthfully) that the Toyota dealership in the next town had the same car for $700. less. His response was, "So go buy it from them". I don't work in sales (thank god) or politics (thank god), but I cannot help feeling that this is not a good strategy.

PalinzADummy December 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Yes, I'm afraid I rather let fly with colourful invective upon hearing that. Geezus Christ, Wolf "because everyone's child should be named after a predator" Blitzer tsk-tsking and tut-tutting over the BAD WORDS used by that filthy, unethical, slimy, wife-dumping, mother-fucking, intern-diddling, money-grubbing WHORE might, I dunno, make the sound waves on the tv thingy stop working.

Fuck all these tardlitards sideways with cheap Chinese quick-rust chainsaws.

Spurning Beer December 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

It's okay when Dickie Cheney says it, though. "Major league asshole," about a reporter, or "Fuck yourself" to a senator, for example.

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

This left wing hate rhetoric must stop!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

It's only freedom of speech when it's about "lynching", "niggers", or "monkeys".

prommie December 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Is he ever. Fucking hump.

DaRooster December 21, 2011 at 4:28 pm

This comment has been delete

GOPCrusher December 21, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Two toilets worth!

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

T

user-of-owls December 21, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm

All the world's a circle…..

Angry_Marmot December 21, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Didn't LBJ once say to a journalist, "Are you gonna ask the leader of the Free World a chicken-shit question like that?"

Negropolis December 22, 2011 at 12:23 am

ROTFMLAO!

tessiee December 22, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I heard the story of LBJ saying something to the effect of, "I may not know everything, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad", but yours sounds like something LBJ would have said.

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