Major Investigation: Capitol Xmas Tree Lacks Jesus-Themed Ornaments

  we smell a pulitzer

The Christian News Service has done a careful study of five of the five thousand donated ornaments on the Capitol Christmas Tree, and the findings are not pretty. Two out of these five ornaments were about Barack Obama, and zero were about Jesus. So by statistics, we can say that 2,000 of the ornaments on the tree this year are about Barack Obama, and still none of them are about Jesus. GOOD ENUFF MATH 4 TERRORFYING HEADLINE: “U.S. Capitol Tree Pays Homage to Obama — But Not Jesus.” AAAAAAHHHHH.

The godlessness doesn’t even stop there:

Other prominent ornaments on the tree tout Disneyland, Hollywood, the Los Angeles Lakers and the Los Angeles Dodgers.

The tree also includes a number of ornaments representing Christmas gift packages. The ribbons on these packages are arranged in a cross pattern–but all of them have “Happy Holidays” ensribed [sic] on them.

Um, maybe because many of the children who made ornaments for this year’s tree, from California, were instructed to use the theme “California Shines?”

OR MAYBE IT WAS A CONSPIRACY?????

Even French gay pride got an ornament when Jesus didn’t!

MUST INVESTIGATE. Christian News Service will get to the bottom of this, with a strongly-worded email to…some press officer:

CNSNews.com sent a series of question about the ornaments to the U.S. Forest Service office in Tuolumne County, Calif., that was responsible for securing the tree and collecting the ornaments and sending them to Washington, D.C. These questions asked if any ornaments had been excluded because of their content and if there were any ornaments actually hung on the tree that expressly mentioned or depicted Christmas, or the birth of Jesus, or any Christian cultural site in California, such as the California missions.

THE BOMBSHELL RESPONSE:

“Thank you for your inquiry. The Office of the Architect of the Capitol (AOC) does not have a policy nor any restrictions concerning the themes for the ornaments donated for the Capitol Christmas Tree. Each state determines its own theme each year, and the U.S. Forest Service collects the ornaments from communities throughout the state from which the tree is donated…. Thousands of ornaments are delivered by the U.S. Forest Service to the U.S. Capitol in large boxes along with the Capitol Christmas Tree. There is no selection process to determine which ornaments were to be placed on the Capitol Christmas Tree and which were not based on theme or content. Rather, the Capitol Grounds crew has to decorate a 65-foot tree in a matter of days, therefore they place ornaments on the Capitol Christmas Tree until it is fully decorated. Their only concern is that the ornaments stand up to the weather (durable and waterproof).”

In sum: huge conspiracy. [CNSNews.com]

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