GAYLORDS  7:36 am December 20, 2011

Rick Perry Loves the Gay Sinners, Still Feeling Conflicted About the Gay Sex

by Wonkette Jr.

Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings:

“Here’s my issue. This is about my faith, and I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone.”

[Perez Hilton/ABC News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 92 comments }

Madfall December 20, 2011 at 7:39 am

But what kind of sinner are you Ricky? The brokeback mountain coat makes us all curious.

(If the coat was a sly joke by some stylist, then that might be the best trolling ever, bravo!)

BornInATrailer December 20, 2011 at 9:06 am

He is not clever enough for that joke.

Everything is bigger in Tejas, even the closets.

tcaalaw December 20, 2011 at 7:46 am

I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone.

So Rick is catching rather than pitching?

ShaveTheWhales December 20, 2011 at 11:54 pm

No, he just prefers inserting the IV to throwing a stone.

Numbat_Dundee December 20, 2011 at 7:51 am

"I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone. You throw it first. Go on. Throw it hard, because I've been soooo sinful. Or if you're more comfortable spanking my sinful ass…"
"It's such a sinful body part really. It so deserves to be punished."

sbj1964 December 20, 2011 at 7:56 am

Rick Perry,is a big ole Texas Queen!

freakishlywrong December 20, 2011 at 7:59 am

But I will throw a huge fucking boulder of bigotry and tell you it's because of my "faith".

Beowoof December 20, 2011 at 11:02 am

And I thought it was the love of the gay sex that he is busy trying to hide.

V572 the Merciless December 20, 2011 at 11:20 am

It's all right because that's the way he was raised.

ThundercatHo December 20, 2011 at 8:00 am

Hey, why is the commenting disabled on the prev. racist teabagger post?

DetectiveGrey December 20, 2011 at 8:20 am

If I had to take a flying guess, it's probably because the reactionary hate speech we'd have generated to counter his hate speech would be hypocritical and morally reprehensible.

We're assholes, but we're not *assholes*.

Spurning Beer December 20, 2011 at 8:26 am

I blame Andrew Breitbart. And his monkey children.

sbj1964 December 20, 2011 at 8:48 am

The BartBots,are nothing more than Butt Monkeys! vile,evil,whiny,little racist shitheads!

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 8:56 am

Ha ha, silly rasta. Everyone knows that the, "Thou Shalt Not Have Sexual Congress With That Man" commandment is observed by all simians, not just the gay sapiens variety.

Also observant of this rule: all other mammals and avians, the vast majority of reptiles, a healthy chunk of the amphibian genus and certain types of igneous rock.

Chichikovovich December 20, 2011 at 10:08 am

I used the first five letters of the r-word, in sequence. That might have brought out a lockdown and hazmat suits.

Lucidamente1 December 20, 2011 at 8:02 am

"I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone." Gov. Perry then went on to say, "Someone, however, should assassinate fucken queers and their children."

Spurning Beer December 20, 2011 at 8:15 am

"One of my other favorite sins is appointin' people in return for certain, let's say, rewards. Another great one is where you say shit that isn't true. y'know. lie! And the third one is, uh, let me think, uh, nope. Can't. Oops."

Spurning Beer December 20, 2011 at 8:21 am

Ron Paul: "Heifer fuckin?"

not that Dewey December 20, 2011 at 9:08 am

Yeah, that's the one.

ShaveTheWhales December 20, 2011 at 11:57 pm

The sin against the Holy Spirit?*

*Whatever the fuck that is.

Arken December 20, 2011 at 8:23 am

"I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone"

But I'll happily watch while someone else is and maybe join in later.

weejee December 20, 2011 at 9:02 am

So Rickie's a member of Voyeur's Anonymous?

BaldarTFlagass December 20, 2011 at 8:34 am

Why aren't women allowed to go to stonings, mum?

Not_So_Much December 20, 2011 at 11:01 am

You've got to haggle.

Neoyorquino December 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm

All I did was say to my wife, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah!"

NorthStarSpanx December 20, 2011 at 8:45 am

He won't throw stones, but he'll pitch a tent.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

He won't throw the first stone. After that…

ShaveTheWhales December 20, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Everybody must throw stones.

Pop_Socket December 20, 2011 at 8:49 am

Between his rambling possibly medicinally induced speeches, his homophobic commercials, and this non-answer, the boy is definitely asking for help. And by 'help', I mean 'a reach-around'.

Negligently_Joe December 20, 2011 at 8:57 am

I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner [...]

This is what's known as a Kinsey gaffe, if I'm not mistaken.

Chichikovovich December 20, 2011 at 10:10 am

Or a Kinsey Kinsey gaffe, in this case.

prommie December 20, 2011 at 11:35 am

Fruedian slip much?

Negligently_Joe December 20, 2011 at 11:42 am

On Rick Perry's part? Totally.

I on the other hand, know exactly what I wrote, and meant it.

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 9:01 am

As we speak, some enterprising grad student is submitting a dissertation proposal titled, Rick Perry: A Case Study in Gratuitous Stupidity.

Chichikovovich December 20, 2011 at 10:11 am

I'll suggest that to my friends in the Mineralogy department.

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 11:40 am

Don't forget to bring a bag!

BaldarTFlagass December 20, 2011 at 9:03 am

I thought Rick Perry had executed all the homosexuals in Texas already.

weejee December 20, 2011 at 9:04 am

Not to needle a sinner, but isn't thou shall not kill on the list?

not that Dewey December 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

Hate the sin, love the sinner.

weejee December 20, 2011 at 9:11 am

So sending someone to the great beyond is just tough love?

not that Dewey December 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

If you love someone, set them free. But Rick got confused on the meaning of "releasing" prisoners. He wants them to be with Jesus.

Besides, sin is something that other people do.

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 9:38 am

If you just snip the very last word in that sentence, I think you have a pretty good idea of just how remorseful that bastard is when it comes to murdering American citizens.

You're innocent? Tough.

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 9:36 am

That there's a pre-Muscular Jesus mindset.

Not_So_Much December 20, 2011 at 11:02 am

They gloss over that one because it's an obvious assault on their second amendment freedumbs.

BornInATrailer December 20, 2011 at 9:05 am

"But I will be the first to put a couple 'stones' in my mouth and swish them around like Baoding balls."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 20, 2011 at 9:08 am

"I won't throw the first stone … but strap that guy to a table and put a needle in his arm, and it's a whole different thing."

FakaktaSouth December 20, 2011 at 9:15 am

UUUUGH. Finish that sentence dude. I just believe it is a sin "…that will cast people into a hell fire of doom for all eternity – but I am also told not to judge, lest I join them there, so basically this is just another one of those circular, bullshit, fucktard statements that doesn't have a logical conclusion, it's just a way to get votes, by making people feel superior. IT IS OUR WHOLE GAME GUYS. Stop looking for methods behind madness."

SorosBot December 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

Here's my issue: this is about your faith, which has absolutely no fucking place in determining actual public policy. Laws should be based on actual, real morality and reason, not faith and what some stupid old book says. If your faith says homosexuality is a sin, then don't fuck members of your own sex, even if you want to; but don't use it to tell other people who don't share your stupid faith what to do.

Barb December 20, 2011 at 9:27 am

Your P-ness is HUGE. I bow down before you.
That's your Christmas gift, don't ask for anything else.

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 9:45 am

Oh, that's rich. The 1% complimenting the other 1% on how big their p-junk is. Unseemly is what that is. Utterly lacking in seem altogether.

Plus, you know it's all zero-sum, right? For everyone one of you pee-tite bourgeoisie, there must be a corresponding p-roletariat. How else do you explain metamarcisf?

Barb December 20, 2011 at 9:50 am

I didn't even know that his P-ness was HUGE until his butler told my butler. We fired them both after forcing them to lick our Jaguar's clean.

SorosBot December 20, 2011 at 9:58 am

But your p-ness is rather large as well, owls, so congratulations!

Barb December 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

I'm hooking my P-ness up to the PosTvac. It needs to be bigger.

SorosBot December 20, 2011 at 9:45 am

Aw but I wanted Skyward Sword!

Barb December 20, 2011 at 9:50 am

You'll get nothing and like it!

user-of-owls December 20, 2011 at 10:01 am

HEMINGWAY: I am getting to know the p-rich.

OWLS: I think you’ll find the only difference between the p-rich and other people is that they have more pee.

Negligently_Joe December 20, 2011 at 10:00 am

This, so much. This actually touches on the thing about the same-sex marriage issue that really irks me to the core. Namely, that the last time I checked, there were a number of religious denominations that do affirm and celebrate same-sex relationships and marriage (Universalists, most American Quakers, Reform and Reconstructionist Jews, many Buddhists, and of course Wicca and Neopaganism) , and by consequentially, prohibiting and refusing to recognize same-sex marriage is effectively an endorsement of one set of denominations of Christianity over many other faiths.

But hey, these dicks really do think the First Amendment is only there to protect (the Southern Baptist denomination of) Christianity, so no surprise there, really.

BigDumbRedDog December 20, 2011 at 9:23 am

"Throwing a stone"? Is that what they call it these days?
Also, I would tell Rick Perry to take his "faith" and shove it up his ass, but he would probably like that.

Barb December 20, 2011 at 9:26 am

I bet his wife has laundered more than one outfit that had a used condom in the pocket.

bagofmice December 21, 2011 at 1:08 am

Pocketing the evidence. Might ruin the suit, because you have to dry clean those.

Sue4466 December 20, 2011 at 9:56 am

Gah, Perry doesn't even have enough wits to qualify as a half-wit.

elviouslyqueer December 20, 2011 at 9:57 am

I'm sure Rick has a simple explanation for his whole gay/not-gay fandango. Something along the lines of, say, "Now to someone who doesn't understand this, homosexual is what I am because I have sex with men. But really, this is wrong."

Chichikovovich December 20, 2011 at 10:15 am

No snark. That "whoever is without sin, cast the first stone" remark, from the "Woman taken in adultery" story, is, I am given to understand, one of the few passages in the Bible that virtually every scholar agrees is a late addition to the original. (Only appears in later manuscripts, not in the best early ones, etc.) Which is too bad, since it's a great bit of the New Testament, but them's the facts.

In other words, Perry can't even do mindless rote fundamentalist Christianity right.

ShaveTheWhales December 21, 2011 at 12:05 am

Well, the entire New Testament is a belated addition in absolute terms, so let us appreciate the bits that actually make sense.

WinterOuthouse December 20, 2011 at 10:15 am

Rick needs Dick

Chichikovovich December 20, 2011 at 10:17 am

I happen to think as a commander in chief of some 20,000 plus people in the military

20,000? Wow, those automatic cuts to defense spending sure kicked in…

Perhaps he has let slip the secret that the Republicans are already counting the rest of the million or so as their own private army.

WinterOuthouse December 20, 2011 at 10:17 am

Does Rick Salsa dance?

Dashboard Buddha December 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

He won't throw the first stone…but he'd be more than happy to catch one.

hagajim December 20, 2011 at 10:35 am

Sounds like Ricky just admitted to liking a little tube steak in the butt.

actor212 December 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

The only sin Rick Perry commits is breathing.

kissawookiee December 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

I will, however, be the first one to bust a nut once I'm up in the sling.

SheriffRoscoe December 20, 2011 at 11:17 am

God told me to have sausage for breakfast this morning. The salsa was my own idea. But anyway, my point is, God often puts temptation in our way to test us.

prommie December 20, 2011 at 11:38 am

This, my son, is why it is not enough to simply avoid sin, you must avoid "the near occasion of sin," you must avoid situations in which you might be tempted. Ol Ricky here, he probably should avoid highway rest-stops and airport bathroom stalls, for example.

ShaveTheWhales December 21, 2011 at 12:06 am

Or, you could embrace sin, to have a more impressive forgiveness.

RadioYKWE December 20, 2011 at 11:21 am

He doesn't want to throw the first stone because he probably throws like a girl.

ShaveTheWhales December 21, 2011 at 12:06 am

Ah, now there's a win.

prommie December 20, 2011 at 11:32 am

Hey, its easy to understand his conflict, the old "how can something that feels so good be wrong" thing, we have all been there, amiright?

neiltheblaze December 20, 2011 at 11:52 am

I love when human rights are trodden upon by a shallow dimwit's interpretation of metaphysics. At least he doesn't have a prayer.

DaRooster December 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

"… I'm not going to be the first to throw a stone…"

"… but if you are a cute guy between 18-25, I will be the first to get my rocks off… if you catch my drift."

chascates December 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Perry also wears a toupee so he's used to hiding things.

friendlyskies December 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm

"You're only gay if you don't feel dirty and guilty afterward." Republican Jesus

Callyson December 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm

"there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner"
This is the closest we're going to get to Rick Perry coming out….

Callyson December 20, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Also–I love how the side ad is for the Dalai Lama's "Beyond Religion" audiobook. Someone should slip that into Perry's MP3…

littlebigdaddy December 20, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I can tell he's just jonesin for some niggerhead.

MiniMencken December 20, 2011 at 1:10 pm

C'mon, Rick, isn't it time you came on homo?

tcaalaw December 22, 2011 at 7:37 am

Oh, I'm sure Rick's been coming on homos for a while; he just doesn't publicly admit it.

prommie December 20, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Governors love to tout their role as commander of their State national guard units, to show that they have experience with matters military and are thus ready to be Preznit.

jesus_vs_gojira December 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Ah, now I parse it. Perry was saying that he is commander-in-chief of his own private army. Thanks.

ShaveTheWhales December 21, 2011 at 12:02 am

Yes, he's the commander-in-chief until the ACTUAL Commander-in-Chief says "Yer nationalized".

kimjongillest December 21, 2011 at 2:58 am

For haters I've been using Dan Savage's logic, "Do you remember when it was exactly that you decided to be either heterosexual or gay?" For some reason I get the feeling that Rick hasn't quite figured that out yet.

pinkocommi December 21, 2011 at 4:13 am

Sure, Rick Perry is a "sinner." I bet he "sins" a LOT. And usually with a meth-addicted transvestite hooker, like the rest of the high and mighty bible thumpers.

ttommyunger December 21, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Will somebody PLEASE give this closet queen a reach-around?

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