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Rick Perry Loves the Gay Sinners, Still Feeling Conflicted About the Gay Sex

Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings:

“Here’s my issue. This is about my faith, and I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone.”

[Perez Hilton/ABC News]

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92 comments

  1. Madfall

    But what kind of sinner are you Ricky? The brokeback mountain coat makes us all curious.

    (If the coat was a sly joke by some stylist, then that might be the best trolling ever, bravo!)

  2. Numbat_Dundee

    "I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone. You throw it first. Go on. Throw it hard, because I've been soooo sinful. Or if you're more comfortable spanking my sinful ass…"
    "It's such a sinful body part really. It so deserves to be punished."

    1. DetectiveGrey

      If I had to take a flying guess, it's probably because the reactionary hate speech we'd have generated to counter his hate speech would be hypocritical and morally reprehensible.

      We're assholes, but we're not *assholes*.

      1. user-of-owls

        Ha ha, silly rasta. Everyone knows that the, "Thou Shalt Not Have Sexual Congress With That Man" commandment is observed by all simians, not just the gay sapiens variety.

        Also observant of this rule: all other mammals and avians, the vast majority of reptiles, a healthy chunk of the amphibian genus and certain types of igneous rock.

    2. Chichikovovich

      I used the first five letters of the r-word, in sequence. That might have brought out a lockdown and hazmat suits.

  3. Lucidamente1

    "I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone." Gov. Perry then went on to say, "Someone, however, should assassinate fucken queers and their children."

  4. Spurning Beer

    "One of my other favorite sins is appointin' people in return for certain, let's say, rewards. Another great one is where you say shit that isn't true. y'know. lie! And the third one is, uh, let me think, uh, nope. Can't. Oops."

  5. Arken

    "I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone"

    But I'll happily watch while someone else is and maybe join in later.

  6. Pop_Socket

    Between his rambling possibly medicinally induced speeches, his homophobic commercials, and this non-answer, the boy is definitely asking for help. And by 'help', I mean 'a reach-around'.

  7. Negligently_Joe

    I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner [...]

    This is what's known as a Kinsey gaffe, if I'm not mistaken.

  8. user-of-owls

    As we speak, some enterprising grad student is submitting a dissertation proposal titled, Rick Perry: A Case Study in Gratuitous Stupidity.

        1. not that Dewey

          If you love someone, set them free. But Rick got confused on the meaning of "releasing" prisoners. He wants them to be with Jesus.

          Besides, sin is something that other people do.

        2. user-of-owls

          If you just snip the very last word in that sentence, I think you have a pretty good idea of just how remorseful that bastard is when it comes to murdering American citizens.

          You're innocent? Tough.

  9. BornInATrailer

    "But I will be the first to put a couple 'stones' in my mouth and swish them around like Baoding balls."

  10. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "I won't throw the first stone … but strap that guy to a table and put a needle in his arm, and it's a whole different thing."

  11. FakaktaSouth

    UUUUGH. Finish that sentence dude. I just believe it is a sin "…that will cast people into a hell fire of doom for all eternity – but I am also told not to judge, lest I join them there, so basically this is just another one of those circular, bullshit, fucktard statements that doesn't have a logical conclusion, it's just a way to get votes, by making people feel superior. IT IS OUR WHOLE GAME GUYS. Stop looking for methods behind madness."

  12. SorosBot

    Here's my issue: this is about your faith, which has absolutely no fucking place in determining actual public policy. Laws should be based on actual, real morality and reason, not faith and what some stupid old book says. If your faith says homosexuality is a sin, then don't fuck members of your own sex, even if you want to; but don't use it to tell other people who don't share your stupid faith what to do.

      1. user-of-owls

        Oh, that's rich. The 1% complimenting the other 1% on how big their p-junk is. Unseemly is what that is. Utterly lacking in seem altogether.

        Plus, you know it's all zero-sum, right? For everyone one of you pee-tite bourgeoisie, there must be a corresponding p-roletariat. How else do you explain metamarcisf?

        1. Barb

          I didn't even know that his P-ness was HUGE until his butler told my butler. We fired them both after forcing them to lick our Jaguar's clean.

          1. user-of-owls

            HEMINGWAY: I am getting to know the p-rich.

            OWLS: I think you’ll find the only difference between the p-rich and other people is that they have more pee.

    1. Negligently_Joe

      This, so much. This actually touches on the thing about the same-sex marriage issue that really irks me to the core. Namely, that the last time I checked, there were a number of religious denominations that do affirm and celebrate same-sex relationships and marriage (Universalists, most American Quakers, Reform and Reconstructionist Jews, many Buddhists, and of course Wicca and Neopaganism) , and by consequentially, prohibiting and refusing to recognize same-sex marriage is effectively an endorsement of one set of denominations of Christianity over many other faiths.

      But hey, these dicks really do think the First Amendment is only there to protect (the Southern Baptist denomination of) Christianity, so no surprise there, really.

  13. BigDumbRedDog

    "Throwing a stone"? Is that what they call it these days?
    Also, I would tell Rick Perry to take his "faith" and shove it up his ass, but he would probably like that.

  14. Chichikovovich

    No snark. That "whoever is without sin, cast the first stone" remark, from the "Woman taken in adultery" story, is, I am given to understand, one of the few passages in the Bible that virtually every scholar agrees is a late addition to the original. (Only appears in later manuscripts, not in the best early ones, etc.) Which is too bad, since it's a great bit of the New Testament, but them's the facts.

    In other words, Perry can't even do mindless rote fundamentalist Christianity right.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Well, the entire New Testament is a belated addition in absolute terms, so let us appreciate the bits that actually make sense.

  15. Chichikovovich

    I happen to think as a commander in chief of some 20,000 plus people in the military

    20,000? Wow, those automatic cuts to defense spending sure kicked in…

    Perhaps he has let slip the secret that the Republicans are already counting the rest of the million or so as their own private army.

  16. SheriffRoscoe

    God told me to have sausage for breakfast this morning. The salsa was my own idea. But anyway, my point is, God often puts temptation in our way to test us.

    1. prommie

      This, my son, is why it is not enough to simply avoid sin, you must avoid "the near occasion of sin," you must avoid situations in which you might be tempted. Ol Ricky here, he probably should avoid highway rest-stops and airport bathroom stalls, for example.

  17. prommie

    Hey, its easy to understand his conflict, the old "how can something that feels so good be wrong" thing, we have all been there, amiright?

  18. neiltheblaze

    I love when human rights are trodden upon by a shallow dimwit's interpretation of metaphysics. At least he doesn't have a prayer.

  19. DaRooster

    "… I'm not going to be the first to throw a stone…"

    "… but if you are a cute guy between 18-25, I will be the first to get my rocks off… if you catch my drift."

  20. Callyson

    "there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner"
    This is the closest we're going to get to Rick Perry coming out….

  21. Callyson

    Also–I love how the side ad is for the Dalai Lama's "Beyond Religion" audiobook. Someone should slip that into Perry's MP3…

  22. prommie

    Governors love to tout their role as commander of their State national guard units, to show that they have experience with matters military and are thus ready to be Preznit.

    1. jesus_vs_gojira

      Ah, now I parse it. Perry was saying that he is commander-in-chief of his own private army. Thanks.

  23. kimjongillest

    For haters I've been using Dan Savage's logic, "Do you remember when it was exactly that you decided to be either heterosexual or gay?" For some reason I get the feeling that Rick hasn't quite figured that out yet.

  24. pinkocommi

    Sure, Rick Perry is a "sinner." I bet he "sins" a LOT. And usually with a meth-addicted transvestite hooker, like the rest of the high and mighty bible thumpers.

Comments are closed.