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Rick Perry Loves the Gay Sinners, Still Feeling Conflicted About the Gay Sex

Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings:

“Here’s my issue. This is about my faith, and I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone.”

[Perez Hilton/ABC News]

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Comments

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  • http://www.neoseeker.com/forums/ Madfall

    But what kind of sinner are you Ricky? The brokeback mountain coat makes us all curious.

    (If the coat was a sly joke by some stylist, then that might be the best trolling ever, bravo!)

    • BornInATrailer

      He is not clever enough for that joke.

      Everything is bigger in Tejas, even the closets.

  • tcaalaw

    I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone.

    So Rick is catching rather than pitching?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      No, he just prefers inserting the IV to throwing a stone.

  • Numbat_Dundee

    "I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone. You throw it first. Go on. Throw it hard, because I've been soooo sinful. Or if you're more comfortable spanking my sinful ass…"
    "It's such a sinful body part really. It so deserves to be punished."

  • sbj1964

    Rick Perry,is a big ole Texas Queen!

  • freakishlywrong

    But I will throw a huge fucking boulder of bigotry and tell you it's because of my "faith".

    • Beowoof

      And I thought it was the love of the gay sex that he is busy trying to hide.

    • V572 the Merciless

      It's all right because that's the way he was raised.

  • ThundercatHo

    Hey, why is the commenting disabled on the prev. racist teabagger post?

    • DetectiveGrey

      If I had to take a flying guess, it's probably because the reactionary hate speech we'd have generated to counter his hate speech would be hypocritical and morally reprehensible.

      We're assholes, but we're not *assholes*.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I blame Andrew Breitbart. And his monkey children.

      • sbj1964

        The BartBots,are nothing more than Butt Monkeys! vile,evil,whiny,little racist shitheads!

      • user-of-owls

        Ha ha, silly rasta. Everyone knows that the, "Thou Shalt Not Have Sexual Congress With That Man" commandment is observed by all simians, not just the gay sapiens variety.

        Also observant of this rule: all other mammals and avians, the vast majority of reptiles, a healthy chunk of the amphibian genus and certain types of igneous rock.

    • Chichikovovich

      I used the first five letters of the r-word, in sequence. That might have brought out a lockdown and hazmat suits.

  • Lucidamente1

    "I’m a sinner and so I’m not going to be the first one to throw a stone." Gov. Perry then went on to say, "Someone, however, should assassinate fucken queers and their children."

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    "One of my other favorite sins is appointin' people in return for certain, let's say, rewards. Another great one is where you say shit that isn't true. y'know. lie! And the third one is, uh, let me think, uh, nope. Can't. Oops."

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Ron Paul: "Heifer fuckin?"

      • not that Dewey

        Yeah, that's the one.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      The sin against the Holy Spirit?*

      *Whatever the fuck that is.

  • Arken

    "I'm not going to be the first one to throw a stone"

    But I'll happily watch while someone else is and maybe join in later.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      So Rickie's a member of Voyeur's Anonymous?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why aren't women allowed to go to stonings, mum?

    • Not_So_Much

      You've got to haggle.

      • Neoyorquino

        All I did was say to my wife, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah!"

  • NorthStarSpanx

    He won't throw stones, but he'll pitch a tent.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He won't throw the first stone. After that…

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Everybody must throw stones.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Between his rambling possibly medicinally induced speeches, his homophobic commercials, and this non-answer, the boy is definitely asking for help. And by 'help', I mean 'a reach-around'.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    I happen to think, you know, there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner […]

    This is what's known as a Kinsey gaffe, if I'm not mistaken.

    • Chichikovovich

      Or a Kinsey Kinsey gaffe, in this case.

    • prommie

      Fruedian slip much?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

        On Rick Perry's part? Totally.

        I on the other hand, know exactly what I wrote, and meant it.

  • user-of-owls

    As we speak, some enterprising grad student is submitting a dissertation proposal titled, Rick Perry: A Case Study in Gratuitous Stupidity.

    • Chichikovovich

      I'll suggest that to my friends in the Mineralogy department.

      • user-of-owls

        Don't forget to bring a bag!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I thought Rick Perry had executed all the homosexuals in Texas already.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Not to needle a sinner, but isn't thou shall not kill on the list?

    • not that Dewey

      Hate the sin, love the sinner.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        So sending someone to the great beyond is just tough love?

        • not that Dewey

          If you love someone, set them free. But Rick got confused on the meaning of "releasing" prisoners. He wants them to be with Jesus.

          Besides, sin is something that other people do.

        • user-of-owls

          If you just snip the very last word in that sentence, I think you have a pretty good idea of just how remorseful that bastard is when it comes to murdering American citizens.

          You're innocent? Tough.

    • user-of-owls

      That there's a pre-Muscular Jesus mindset.

    • Not_So_Much

      They gloss over that one because it's an obvious assault on their second amendment freedumbs.

  • BornInATrailer

    "But I will be the first to put a couple 'stones' in my mouth and swish them around like Baoding balls."

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "I won't throw the first stone … but strap that guy to a table and put a needle in his arm, and it's a whole different thing."

  • FakaktaSouth

    UUUUGH. Finish that sentence dude. I just believe it is a sin "…that will cast people into a hell fire of doom for all eternity – but I am also told not to judge, lest I join them there, so basically this is just another one of those circular, bullshit, fucktard statements that doesn't have a logical conclusion, it's just a way to get votes, by making people feel superior. IT IS OUR WHOLE GAME GUYS. Stop looking for methods behind madness."

  • SorosBot

    Here's my issue: this is about your faith, which has absolutely no fucking place in determining actual public policy. Laws should be based on actual, real morality and reason, not faith and what some stupid old book says. If your faith says homosexuality is a sin, then don't fuck members of your own sex, even if you want to; but don't use it to tell other people who don't share your stupid faith what to do.

    • Barb

      Your P-ness is HUGE. I bow down before you.
      That's your Christmas gift, don't ask for anything else.

      • user-of-owls

        Oh, that's rich. The 1% complimenting the other 1% on how big their p-junk is. Unseemly is what that is. Utterly lacking in seem altogether.

        Plus, you know it's all zero-sum, right? For everyone one of you pee-tite bourgeoisie, there must be a corresponding p-roletariat. How else do you explain metamarcisf?

        • Barb

          I didn't even know that his P-ness was HUGE until his butler told my butler. We fired them both after forcing them to lick our Jaguar's clean.

        • SorosBot

          But your p-ness is rather large as well, owls, so congratulations!

          • Barb

            I'm hooking my P-ness up to the PosTvac. It needs to be bigger.

      • SorosBot

        Aw but I wanted Skyward Sword!

        • Barb

          You'll get nothing and like it!

          • user-of-owls

            HEMINGWAY: I am getting to know the p-rich.

            OWLS: I think you’ll find the only difference between the p-rich and other people is that they have more pee.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

      This, so much. This actually touches on the thing about the same-sex marriage issue that really irks me to the core. Namely, that the last time I checked, there were a number of religious denominations that do affirm and celebrate same-sex relationships and marriage (Universalists, most American Quakers, Reform and Reconstructionist Jews, many Buddhists, and of course Wicca and Neopaganism) , and by consequentially, prohibiting and refusing to recognize same-sex marriage is effectively an endorsement of one set of denominations of Christianity over many other faiths.

      But hey, these dicks really do think the First Amendment is only there to protect (the Southern Baptist denomination of) Christianity, so no surprise there, really.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    "Throwing a stone"? Is that what they call it these days?
    Also, I would tell Rick Perry to take his "faith" and shove it up his ass, but he would probably like that.

  • Barb

    I bet his wife has laundered more than one outfit that had a used condom in the pocket.

    • bagofmice

      Pocketing the evidence. Might ruin the suit, because you have to dry clean those.

  • Sue4466

    Gah, Perry doesn't even have enough wits to qualify as a half-wit.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm sure Rick has a simple explanation for his whole gay/not-gay fandango. Something along the lines of, say, "Now to someone who doesn't understand this, homosexual is what I am because I have sex with men. But really, this is wrong."

  • Chichikovovich

    No snark. That "whoever is without sin, cast the first stone" remark, from the "Woman taken in adultery" story, is, I am given to understand, one of the few passages in the Bible that virtually every scholar agrees is a late addition to the original. (Only appears in later manuscripts, not in the best early ones, etc.) Which is too bad, since it's a great bit of the New Testament, but them's the facts.

    In other words, Perry can't even do mindless rote fundamentalist Christianity right.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Well, the entire New Testament is a belated addition in absolute terms, so let us appreciate the bits that actually make sense.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Rick needs Dick

  • Chichikovovich

    I happen to think as a commander in chief of some 20,000 plus people in the military

    20,000? Wow, those automatic cuts to defense spending sure kicked in…

    Perhaps he has let slip the secret that the Republicans are already counting the rest of the million or so as their own private army.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Does Rick Salsa dance?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    He won't throw the first stone…but he'd be more than happy to catch one.

  • hagajim

    Sounds like Ricky just admitted to liking a little tube steak in the butt.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The only sin Rick Perry commits is breathing.

  • kissawookiee

    I will, however, be the first one to bust a nut once I'm up in the sling.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    God told me to have sausage for breakfast this morning. The salsa was my own idea. But anyway, my point is, God often puts temptation in our way to test us.

    • prommie

      This, my son, is why it is not enough to simply avoid sin, you must avoid "the near occasion of sin," you must avoid situations in which you might be tempted. Ol Ricky here, he probably should avoid highway rest-stops and airport bathroom stalls, for example.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Or, you could embrace sin, to have a more impressive forgiveness.

  • RadioYKWE

    He doesn't want to throw the first stone because he probably throws like a girl.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Ah, now there's a win.

  • prommie

    Hey, its easy to understand his conflict, the old "how can something that feels so good be wrong" thing, we have all been there, amiright?

  • neiltheblaze

    I love when human rights are trodden upon by a shallow dimwit's interpretation of metaphysics. At least he doesn't have a prayer.

  • DaRooster

    "… I'm not going to be the first to throw a stone…"

    "… but if you are a cute guy between 18-25, I will be the first to get my rocks off… if you catch my drift."

  • chascates

    Perry also wears a toupee so he's used to hiding things.

  • friendlyskies

    "You're only gay if you don't feel dirty and guilty afterward." Republican Jesus

  • Callyson

    "there are a whole hosts of sins. Homosexuality being one of them, and I’m a sinner"
    This is the closest we're going to get to Rick Perry coming out….

  • Callyson

    Also–I love how the side ad is for the Dalai Lama's "Beyond Religion" audiobook. Someone should slip that into Perry's MP3…

  • littlebigdaddy

    I can tell he's just jonesin for some niggerhead.

  • MiniMencken

    C'mon, Rick, isn't it time you came on homo?

    • tcaalaw

      Oh, I'm sure Rick's been coming on homos for a while; he just doesn't publicly admit it.

  • prommie

    Governors love to tout their role as commander of their State national guard units, to show that they have experience with matters military and are thus ready to be Preznit.

    • jesus_vs_gojira

      Ah, now I parse it. Perry was saying that he is commander-in-chief of his own private army. Thanks.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Yes, he's the commander-in-chief until the ACTUAL Commander-in-Chief says "Yer nationalized".

  • kimjongillest

    For haters I've been using Dan Savage's logic, "Do you remember when it was exactly that you decided to be either heterosexual or gay?" For some reason I get the feeling that Rick hasn't quite figured that out yet.

  • pinkocommi

    Sure, Rick Perry is a "sinner." I bet he "sins" a LOT. And usually with a meth-addicted transvestite hooker, like the rest of the high and mighty bible thumpers.

  • ttommyunger

    Will somebody PLEASE give this closet queen a reach-around?