Well, this makes sense: John Boehner announced that House Republicans expect to vote down tonight a two-month payroll tax cut extension that passed 89-10 in the Senate, presumably to round out the year in teabagger obstructionism with a full-circle reversal of the defining GOP platform for the last million years, “not raising taxes.” Nobody even seems to know why they are having a petulant adolescent fit over the bill other than that mean Dad Barack Obama likes it, forcing John Boehner to just wing an official objection on the grounds that the extension lasts only two months instead of, uh, twelve, and twelve is a higher number.
Even as recently as Saturday John Boehner was all, “sure, whatever, I’ve got a golf game to get to” before Eric Cantor’s incurable case of the whines decided to flare up again, like herpes. FEEL ERIC CANTOR’S PAIN, AMERICA.
From the NYT:
The once-seemingly sure deal, which allowed the Senate to recess for the year, was for a $33 billion package of bills to keep the Social Security tax paid by most workers at 4.2 percent rather than 6.2 percent, extend unemployment benefits for those already receiving them, and avoid reductions in Medicare payments to doctors. The measure would be effective through February.
But the deal slid off the rails abruptly on Saturday, just hours after the Senate vote, when House Republicans balked after being briefed about the terms by their leaders. Even a sweetener provision to speed the decision process for construction of an oil pipeline from Canada to the Gulf Coast could not mollify them. Mr. Boehner had called the provision a “victory.”
So in a matter of hours, a hastily written agreement between Senate leaders — one Mr. McConnell said Saturday on the Senate floor was “not designed to fail but designed to pass” — gave way to chaos.
Oh well, democracy was kind of fun while it lasted, in America. [NYT/Politico]
{ 192 comments }
Bohner is going to spend his Christmas holiday by listening to Bjork records and cutting himself.
As long as he starts with the throat.
Down the road, not across the tracks.
Or, the hospital is across the street, the morgue is a ways down the road.
Good… hope he does it right.
He won't stop posting ♥ on his friend's FB walls, either. It's beyond repulsive now.
Let’s leave Bjork out of this; I think we can all agree Iceland has suffered enough.
No, actually, I heard she lives in NYC now, so Iceland is OK.
If he cuts himself, won't all the scotch leak out?
And stain that leather hide. No wait, he's already the color of scotch. Never mind.
I call dibs on smoking Boehner's remains.
– Alcoholic Gypsy Child
I call dibs on smoking Boehner's remains.
– Alcoholic Gypsy Child
Cutting *himself*? What happened to that job creation business? Because I'd like to apply for the position for cutting up Boneheader. Hell, I'll even volunteer, or sponsor some unemployed people to take my place…
You know where medical students first learn to suture? That's right…oranges.
OK Barb, that was fuckin' funny.
Bjork LIBEL!
But the deal slid off the rails abruptly on Saturday just as House Weeper Boehner slid off his orange leather barstool at the Oompa Loompa Christmas Party…
The President is Near, dag-nabit, and if he supports this Bill, that makes it a Near Bill, and we ain't gonna vote for no Near Bill, dag-nabit.
I'm glad these Wonketteers were here to read that post. Not only is it authentic inside-the-beltway gtibberish…
Authentic GOP racist gibberish.
Howard Johnson is right!
Mongo Straight.
The House GOPers, further cementing their place as the bowel obstruction of US America.
Or the Kidney Stone of the United States
Taking their marching orders from America's best known proprietor of an anal cyst, bloated, drug-addicted gasbag Rush Limbaugh.
"Cemented" might not be quite the right description. With this particular exercise in assholery, I think they're on schedule to be shit out next November.
Hahaha! Bielzie, unless you know something we don't, this blame will not fall on the heads of these assholes. Remember, as a unit, congress has the same approval rating as genital chancres, but everyone LOVES their own congresscritter.
Nope, like always, the Negro will take the blame.
Actually, many in Teabagger districts have begun to hate their congress critter in a serious case of buyers remorse.
From the same guys who showed the 10 elections was going to be a teabagger shit storm.
This one's going to be easy, though: "The Republicans, who won't tax billionaires one fucking extra dime, just cost you an extra $1,000 in taxes."
Hammer that one home, and let the GOPtards try to spin their way out of it.
"…presumably to round out the year in teabagger obstructionism with a full-circle reversal of the defining GOP platform…"
Teabagging? Full-circle jerks? I guess erections really do have consequences.
8% approval rating you say? Thank you media, for ensuring the nation that "Congress" is broken, and not a tribe of treasonous, reactionary, gubb'mint hating orcs.
So that shitty pipeline deal got axed? Awesome
Don't get your hopes up. Obama wants it and the unions' support will give him cover to approve it "for jobs".
Actually, the shitty pipeline deal was a stealth good idea. It would have forced President Obama to kill the pipeline in 2 months, instead of allowing President Romney to approve it in 2013.
That's how I saw it. I was glad they stuck that turkey in the deal. There is no way in hell he'd approve it when it came back up. He'd kill it, or say, again, that it needed to be put on hold to "study" it more. There was a possibility that it could happen until he saw the protests, some of the most poorly covered massive protests this year, in fact.
I don't know what you guys are talking about. I think that skin color looks TOTALLY natural.
Boehner (Boner) looks like an Umpa lumpa. I heard he likes to choke himself out while watching Brady Bunch re-runs ,but then who doesn't?
"I think that skin color looks TOTALLY natural."
I'm not sure about "natural", but he'd blend right in if he ever went to Seaside Heights.
Next up…Boehner doesn't even like the font the bill is written in.
Times Roman libel!
Comic Sans might have been a bad choice, come to think of it
Louie Gohmert is holding out for WingDings
Operation Ding Wing, if you will.
The “in” font right now is “Republican Gritesque Heavy.”
In the words of my beloved Hipster Hitler, "Goebbels, you Deutschbag! This is ARIAAAAAAAAAL" (screamed while wearing a 'Heilvetica' shirt).
Typography jokes are hot, HateMachine.
Sans Serif is the typographical equivalent of circumcision.
"Nobody even seems to know why they are having a petulant adolescent fit over the bill other than that mean Dad Barack Obama likes it… and he's black, folks… come on."
Is it just me or does it seem that the Speaker can't control his own party?
… but he can cry if he wants to.
Cry if he wants to,
Cry if he wants to,
You'd cry too,
If it happened to you.
or his own bladder.
Or his liver.
Or his Cantor.
Speaking of that, why the fuck did we lose Christopher Hitchens to Johnnie-Walker-Black-Labeloma, but Boehner is also sixty-two?!
God wanted some interesting conversation. Down here, we get the Dear Leader. It's Hell, I tell you.
Can we make Weaker Boener cry somehow this Christmas? Please?
You know, they make pills to fix Weak Boehners (they're full of arsenic, haHA!).
At the drop of a hat, probably.
It's hard to imagine him not crying this holiday season — he probably gets weepy every time he sees an Xmas tree. Or any tree.
Or an empty bottle. I know get weepy at that point.
Man, republicans. Can't live with em, can't rape and murder them without going to jail. Am I right?
Hey Boner, Fuck you with a broken yardstick. And fuck the rest of your teabaggy friends as well. Merry Fucking Christmas and Happy Fucking Holidays!
On a completely unrelated note, I think I need to cut back on the caffeine in the morning.
Cut back on caffeine?? Hell, you need to ramp it up until you break through to the other side.
No, you're doing just fine.
Nah, keep drinking, I want to see what you write in the afternoon…
But luckily, once Great Leader Newton gets done with the country, you CAN rape and murder democrats without going to jail. It doesn't really fix things, but it does mean there'll be far less noise about it!
…and now I've made myself sad.
Sometimes President Obama must feel like Sheriff Bart from Blazing Saddles.
You've got to remember that 27% of American voters are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West.
Sods.
You know – morons.
Only sometimes?
He needs a "Tim." And Mongo.
The scene where they're recruiting a posse is a pretty damned good parallel to the GOP primaries, too.
Would that it were as easy to derail them as setting up a fake toll booth. And good luck getting any of those entitled millionaire twatwaffles to agree to be the one to go back for a shitload of times.
Sheriff Bart: Mornin', ma'am! And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Old Woman: Up yours, n*gger!
President Obama: Morning, sir! And isn't it a lovely morning?
House Republican: Up yours, n*gger!
An indecisive president and dysfunctional congress are just what's needed in these affluent times.
So close to doing something…
I think that Barry ought to pass a bill to destroy the Constitution and institute a fascist dictatorship – that way the Republicans would counter with a bill promoting a socialist democracy – just to be contra Barry. These dicks are really dicks! If it's not obvious to the 'Merikan people that these dicks are just being dicks to be dicks – then 'Merika is full of salted dicks.
Every day with John Boehner is a Whiskey Rebellion.
Wait, he's a Federalist?
He's fighting the good fight, bless his heart, but the moonshine seems to win every time.
It was a bull shit waste of time bill any how. The house should get back on track with important bills. Like making "In God We Trust" our national motto…again.
Or sending friendship delegations to our fine Christian allies in Uganda.
There must be a post office somewhere that needs a new name – even if it will be shut down next year as a cost saving measure.
Retroactively, of course.
damn straight. abortion bills don't write themselves people.
Antonin Scalia always gleefully points out ("mandibles clattering" as Gore Vidal would say) that the USA has never been a Democracy – but a Republic.
In his bat-clogged cavern of a mind "Republic" translates into something like "Corporate Oligarchy", of course – but it's a salient point that we have no Democracy to lose, actually. Losing the Republic will need to suffice.
So are we about due for the Clone Wars?
No need for clones. They've got Iran. And North Korea again! Can two make up an axis? Charles Krauthammer is crying with joy at the thought of it.
Conservatives like to pretend the original trilogy never happened, just the prequels; because to them Revenge of the Sith ends with the heroes winning.
Those damned, meddling Jedi; they should have left the Emperor well enough alone.
People who say that lack either access to a dictionary, or the opposable thumbs required to use it.
What they don't lack is a Supreme Court robe, unfortunately.
It's a tax cut that primarily benefits the working poor and middle class; that's not the kind the Republicans care about.
And of course, this tax cut MUST be paid for.
As long as we don't pay for it with a tiny surtax on millionaires…
Because that would be class war.
And, we know how much the GOP hates a good war, right?
King Grover said this wasn't the "good kind" of tax cut. So, you know, fuck us.
We've got to keep robbing the poor to give to the rich, after all.
"This is not the tax cut we're looking for. Move along."
Shorter Congressional Republicans: We will not even accept your abject surrender, Democrats.
Now watch the Democrats give even more (to our megacorporations, as always).
~
Shorter Boehner: Merry Christmas, motherfuckers.
I AM SICK OF THESE ASSHOLES!!
That's what Republicans say about the American people.
Boner: "Hey democrats, can you bend over a little farther?I'm not quite all the way in"
Are you saying democrats have especially short alimentary canals?
"umm…that's my navel, Boehner."
Democrats: "Thank you, Sir! May I have another?"
Boner: "Just relax and it won't hurt a bit."
Boener: "No bill passes until my constituents, David and Charles Koch, say it passes."
That's America, buddy.
I'm thinking that the only thing the Kochs had to do to buy Boner off was to pay his bar tabs & cover his liquor store purchases. Especially during the holidays.
I think my Proctologist nurse is going deaf,halfway through the exam she brings the doctor a beer.He turns to her ,and says" No Ms.Henderson I said a butt light."
That's surprisingly funny.
What matters is that the blue stripe shows it to be really, really cold.
And you're reminded of your proctologist by Boner and the GOP, why?
Oh, right…
"It's illogical, John; but bankrupting the middle class may work."
– Spock; Star Trek XVII, The Wraith of Boner.
I believe the take away quote from that movie was "KAAAASSSSSHHHHH!"
"The desire of the Koch brothers outweigh the needs of the many." – Spock (R-Vulcan)
Wait, we have a MIDDLE class?
The GOP position is entirely clear: They have just discovered that tax cuts lead to increased deficits, except, of course, when the top 1% get the tax cuts. Then they decrease deficits, and also turn water into wine.
And jobs.
And unicorns that poop rainbows.
Obama should totally blow their minds and come out in favor of eliminating taxes on Republicans. It would be a risk, but worth it to see the GOP tie itself in knots trying to explain its opposition.
You misunderestimate the Republicans. They have the ingenuity of a four year old at bedtime. They would just say that Obama is worse than Hitler because he is not proposing refunds for all past taxes Republicans have paid, and until he does, they are going to withhold funding from the Centers for Disease Control, the Veterans Administration, the Parks Service, and the Department of Justice.
Eric Cantor? is that you?
Obama needs the help of Super Nanny.
Vin Diesel?
As they point out that Obama has taken his eye off of creating jerbs once again.
We still have a Department Of Justice?
"proposing refunds for all past taxes Republicans have paid, and until he does, they are going to withhold funding from the Centers for Disease Control, the Veterans Administration, the Parks Service, and the Department of Justice. "
At which point, he'd cave in. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Couple it with national health care only for registered Democrats, if you really want to see them panic.
Congress can't get anything done. (Thanks cloture rule!) And the Repubicans think the problem is not enough religion in government. Perhaps we can pray away the stupid.
In Congress, that's "pray away the bray." It doesn't work.
So in a matter of hours, a hastily written agreement between Senate leaders — one Mr. McConnell said Saturday on the Senate floor was “not designed to fail but designed to pass” — gave way to chaos.
I think Mr. McConnell doesn't understand how dumb ass crazy the other Repubs in the next chamber are.
Oh, I am pretty sure that McConnell knew exactly what was going to happen.
Yeppers.
And now, having achieved his goal, he can crawl up onto the plastic island in his dish and munch a delicious, delicious lettuce leaf.
One dumb ass crazy to another, you meant, of course, to say…
Things could have been worse. Bohner and Cantor had been planning to scuttle the tax cut extension after a) the Democrats conceded everything they demanded concerning the contents of the bill and b) every Democratic senator and house member ate three worms.
But they figured "Hey, it's Christmas, let's go easy. We can do the `watch them eat worms and then say no anyway' thing in the new year."
Ha ha, joke's on teh Republicans! Crafty old Harry wheedled the bastards down to only two worms and a sort of caterpillar, but not a really gross one!
Victory!
Our illustrious Dem leaders wouldn't want to do anything to rock the boat! Not right before Capitulasmas!
John Boehner was also spotted dressed up as Santa Claus, stealing toys from Cindy Lou Who. Witnesses say that Eric Cantor was yapping at his heels.
"And the Boner's liver grew three sizes that day."
All I want for Christmas is to see l'il shaking cringing Eric Cantor, with a tree branch tied to his head, tethered to an overburdened sleigh teetering atop a high precipice.
So do I just need to go ahead and start building a barricade on my street? 'Cause it's gettin awfully Les Miserables up in here
Burning tire futures are going through the roof, let me tell you! (Of course, Goldman Sachs has rigged the market, as usual)
Gavroche! No!
Just don't wait til the torch- and pitchfork-bearers start rumbling the guillotines down the streets. By then it'll be too late.
Okay, so I've got this last can of Hobo Beans. And the top is bulging. I can eat it, right?
The longer you wait, the worse it will get. Dig in!
The bulgy cans always taste the best!
That's just the beans, bursting with flavor.
Sounds like they're ripe.
and if too many people are enraged by this, the armed forces are at the ready to put down any opposition to the republicans in charge of governing this country.
If I were Barry, I would just quit now. Say, "fine, you all can go fuck yourselves. President Biden will see you now"
Now, there's a surprise. I think I'm going to … take a train journey … and die from that surprise.
No mental overwork for you though!!!
That's kinda scary, because all it would take then is for Joe the Biden to severely injure himself opening a can of prunes and The Wailing Tangerine would be president.
Why do Republicans love taxes and hate America?
Scott "Did you see my nutsack" Brown just came out and complained about Boner, must be afeared of Elizabeth Warren.
But surely kow-towing to an ignorant racist minority of yahoos is the best way to gain the support of the majority of the voters, isn't it? Thats the strategy which will give Doctor President Ron Paul the nomination, and the election, just you watch!
Most definitely, yes.
Dems need to link this to "lack of support for our Troops" in order to use it effectively.
And yet, somehow, I predict that they won't.
OT but awesomely gay Marcus Bachmann speaks, about awesomely gay things.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/19/bachmanns-h...
Its only gay if you forget to say "No Homo" after you do it. Thats why Kinsey's figure of 10% is way too high, it counts people as "gay" just because they like to have sex with people of the same gender, which wrongly sweeps in people lik Marcus, who always, always says "No Homo" after blowing guys, and therefore is totally straight.
That is just so Querelle.
I hate to agree with Marcus on anything, but my sense from people who study this kind of thing is that Kinsey's estimate was far too high. Kinsey was an important, brave, barrier-shattering researcher, but from a methodological point of view the studies were pretty crude. And some of his numbers were just basically pulled out of his ass. [OK, OK, calm down folks. Just a figure of speech.]
OT – how's that Democracy working out, Iraq?
Arrest warrant for Iraq vice president Tariq al-Hashemi
Breaking news
An Iraqi judicial committee has issued an arrest warrant for the country's Vice-President, Tariq al-Hashemi, according to security officials.
The warrant was issued under anti-terror laws, officials said.
It came after four of Mr Hashemi's bodyguards accused him of links with terrorism, security sources told Reuters news agency.
Several of his bodyguards have been arrested. Mr Hashemi, a Sunni Arab, was earlier banned leaving the country.
At least they're learning from the best. Anti-terror laws, eh?
Actual Headline: House Thugs Hoping to Turn Boehner Green for X-mas!…
The shocking part is not that Republicans would deliberately sabotage the economy for short-term political gain, with callous indifference to the suffering of millions of middle-class Americans.
The shocking part is that Democrats will be totally unable to make any political hay out of this.
Tonight, Harry Reid will be on CNN with his usual fire and brimstone: "Let me make it clear, the reason this legislation was put forward, should be a clear choice, and we hope the matter will be resolved so that we can end this legislative session on a high note and go back to the American people with a clean bill, and I'm confident that with McConnell and the Republican leadership we can get a deal." Zing!!
"The shocking part is not that Republicans would deliberately sabotage the economy for short-term political gain, with callous indifference to the suffering of millions of middle-class Americans.
The shocking part is that Democrats will be totally unable to make any political hay out of this."
In other shocking news, fire suspected to be hot.
Well, OK, "shocked" in the Casablanca sense.
In honor of Dear Leader's passing on to assume the heavenly throne and reign over all the universe, I had Korean ramen noodles, Shin Ramyun, for lunch! Yay! Shin Ramyun is the best Ramyun. Stay away from the Neoguri, though.
I'm sure the standards for access to your snatch are far higher than the standards for nomination as the GOP presidential candidate.
I wish I had a youtube clip of Barbara Walters saying "WHAT?!" to insert here…
I wish Obama would get in Boehner's ass and fuck it up!! Eat a snickers and throw the wrapper on ground, spray paint on the walls "Barry Was Here," "Wash Me," all that kinda shit!!
Fuck Congress. Fuck Crybaby Boehner until he disappears…
The legislative branch is totally dysfunctional. Time for the Executive to Kick Some Ass.
President Perry would cut their pay and send them home.
if only that would actually happen. i think Barry is here to kiss ass and chew bubblegum and he's all out of bubble gum.
Barry is revving up the autopen to cold sign a bunch of executive orders while the kiddies run home to mommy for some cookies and milk. Then mommy says "you little asshole, you're raising my taxes!" and throws them out to the Occupy mobs lurking in the streets.
That's a common feeling, I bet. Why do you think he gave up his Ob-Gyn practice to blather on the campaign trail? Probably patients were difficult to find after he started putting his speculum in the freezer before examinations.
Newt would have all this solved by now with "brain science".
Every payday, beat these people senseless with this issue. Do you enjoy paying another 2% off the top? Your Republican friends at work!
They're not sure how they feel about this until their preacher and/or Rush Limbaugh tells them what to feel.
can't we go all newt on the house and cold arrest some baggers?
So are we allowed to finally call Boehner a liar now? Or is that not allowed because it might upset the Republicans and then they would try to obstruct everything in a hissy fit?
Boehner and his band of merry baggers must be really proud of themselves right about now. Little do they know that they are playing right into Barry's hand. I mean it, no snark.
Obama is quite actually taking the Republican position on the payroll tax cut, and, yet, if this thing falls apart, he'll still be blamed for the failure no matter how abundantly clear it is that John Boehner is an epic failure when it comes to the task of leading his flying monkeys in the House.
This is the shit you get when you play their game. They don't even follow their own damned rules; how the hell are you supposed to win a game like that? Why even bother playing if you don't have to?
You know what? Fuck it. Let the tax go back up to where it's supposed to be.
I am sick of these motherfucking Republicans in this motherfucking Congress!
Now what?????
You know, if I win the Dinner with the President deal, I"m going to have to do that scene with him for the camera where Gene Wilder goes "What did you expect?"
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