Merry Dickcember, one and all! How has this week’s garden-variety self-loathing closeted Republican politician managed to out himself? Ha ha, the headline sort of gives it away, but meet Greg Davis, the mayor of Southaven, Mississippi who went on a taxpayer-funded shopping spree to the tune of $170,000 in booze, fancy meals and a TRIP TO A GAY SEX TOY STORE, in Canada. The sexytime freebies lasted until a band of fun-hating auditors noticed there were, uh, five hundred pages of receipts for the mayor’s extracurricular activities and decided to have a peek at his credit card expenditures. Shit! Right, so yeah, let’s start again: meet Greg Davis, a formerly-closeted gay dude who has never heard of cash.
And here’s another troubling thing Davis never heard of, this thing called “public records,” which allowed the media to get hold of the receipts after auditors handed them over to the City Council for review. DOUBLE SHIT.
From the frank-yet-oddly-named Commercial Appeal newspaper:
“At this point in my life and in my career, while I have tried to maintain separation between my personal and public life, it is obvious that this can no longer remain the case,” Davis said Thursday afternoon at his Southaven home. “While I have performed my job as mayor, in my opinion, as a very conservative, progressive individual [Ed note: Huh?] — and still continue to be a very conservative individual — I think that it is important that I discuss the struggles I have had over the last few years when I came to the realization that I am gay.”
Aw. Well, a few points, maybe, for a bit of late-breaking honesty instead of trying to create some elaborate farcical excuse like “I just wanted to talk about baseball with the gay sex shop salesman.” We would actually *almost* feel sorry for him, except that:
As for the receipts, Davis, a Republican who ran unsuccessfully for Congress in 2008 on a conservative, family-values platform, said he couldn’t discuss specifics on the advice of his attorney.
(Our bold.) There’s evidence enough at this point that every single Republican politician without exception who is running on a rabid “family-values” platform has a big knob-gobbler side hobby. Looking at you, Rick Santorum. [Commercial Appeal via Wonkette operative "Monsieur Grumpe"]
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"Davis, a Republican who ran unsuccessfully for Congress in 2008 on a conservative, family-values platform, "
Why are these people always the worst offenders?
A little thing called self-hatred.
with a heapin' helpin' of cowardace and general fukked-upness.
I realize it is a rhetorical question but…Because they are assholes.
So is there a wife? If not, how the hell did he get elected? I mean, ya know, single guy…..looks gay….Mississippi?
"Why are these people always the worst offenders?"
Because they're half out of their minds with sexual frustration, and therefore not really thinking clearly?
(I *was* gonna say "thinking straight", but that's a very bad pun, indeed)
Don't worry, Mr. Mayor. It gets better!
Just imagine how popular you'll be in the prison shower.
For the rest of us, yes. For him, probably not so much.
How much better could it get than "$170,000 in booze, fancy meals and a TRIP TO A GAY SEX TOY STORE"? I imagine he'll look back on that as the high-water mark.
I would like, er uh, to deny, um ever meeting this obviously immoral, charlatan.
I love my beautiful wife, Sheryl, er Carol, very much.
Vote Quimby in 2012!
Not for him, with a face like that, he'd have trouble getting a date in the Grand Central Station men's room.
Poor dude never heard of the separation between Crotch and State?
More like Crutch and State.
blame canada.
Not that Hessian dominatrix Angela Merkel?
This is so obviously Canada's fault, rubbing (suggestively – nay, grinding) their gay cooties all over him and such.
Looking for that cock shaped candy cane. http://www.lotionspotionsvibes.com/lick-me-penis-...
Why, oh why did I click on that?
Christmas shopping?
"TRIP TO A GAY SEX TOY STORE, in Canada."
Buy American, you frivolous pillow biter.
Some fucking "Job Creator".
My mother, who is perhaps the most innocent person ever, asked why he didn't go to New Orleans?
finally, a christmas story we can all get behind.
Take a number…
Or in front of.
"behind" tee hee.
Or put behind us. You know, as in, depending on one's sexual preference and all that.
This just needs to be said by last year's favorite bad stereotype.
I never got that whole thing.
You have to download the whole thing.
Fucking Canadians, get John Bolton on the tube, 54 40 or fight!
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for making the pizza I just ate threaten to make a reappearance.
Wonder how many House Republicans have fapped to that pic?
There's a reason why Santa comes but once a year.
Davis/Rubio '12
There really aren't many things you can pray away … and an audit certainly isn't one of them.
You can pray away one thing: sins after confession. That works.
Heh. Sez who?
Says my confessional priest guy, and he's the only one that decides, isn't he?
Wait, have I been lied to?
Butt lube is kind of expensive, though.
The santorum has hit the fan.
Gotta buy in bulk
That is why we must approve the Tar Sands Pipeline…
Is that what Mayor Davis calls it?
The "Pipeline"–now on sale at "Secrets & Secretions" for just $19.95–just in time for the holidays!
Especially the good shit, AstroGlide just won't cut it for some jobs.
How does the exchange rate play out?
Well, that explains the Hickory Farms Beef Stick gift baskets he sends every Chistmas.
Hickory Farms? What a cheap bastard. He could at least send out the Harry & David "Sausage Fest Holiday Celebration" basket. Cheese & crackers included, of course.
Oh I am sure the Mayor has a sausage fest planned, but I think he wanted to do it on the down low.
"the Harry & David "Sausage Fest Holiday Celebration" basket"
Is that the gift basket that includes an assortment of fruits and festive nuts?
Just cheese will be fine – he can produce the cracker.
G.O.P. Gay One Percenters.
Rick Perry, told him about the place.Claimed the Dildo selection was off the chain.
Every since Kinsey estimated 10% of American men were gay, Conservatives have argued against that figure. I used to think they were arguing that 10% is too high. Turns out they've been furiously trying to prove it's far too low.
And they are succeeding with flying (rainbow) colors.
It ain't the gay. It's the cliche. Self loathing is so yesterday.
Nice poemage.
We can only hope that his post-employment COBRA (sic) benefits will pay for his stay at the Marcus Bachmann Gay Recidivism and Bath House Clinic located behind the Statue of Babe the Blue Ox in Brainard, MN.
Thanks for boosting the Canadian economy, asshole. What, American gay sex toys not maple-sugary enough for you?
mmmm …. maple syrup
Maple syrup lube on sale now at "Secrets & Secretions"–just in time for the holidays!
Wait? What? Okay, I'll stop now.
Ooo, that could be a new store name "Victoria's Secretions"!
I hear they have an island.
Mayor Davis's gay sex spree, in Canada, is simply another iteration of the "giant sucking sound" of which Perot spoke.
Make sure the store is discreet. You want the credit card statement to look like you've been buying a lot of hair care products and shaving cream.
OH! Canada
How do you think Republicans get their heads that far up they're asses without Anal lube?
Maybe some of that "bubblin' crude" as well?
Wait….was that a Citi Dividend World Master Card?
I wonder what his new years resolutions will be.
Was there even a possibility he could have gotten away with that? Was he spending that money to whoo some Canadian business to Mudflap, MS? Gay store or not, really, that's what mayors do? Going to have to read the story.
Forgive him, lord, for he is from Mississippi, U.S.A.
Done.
If the Lord doesn't forgive him, then the people of Mississippi need to get started on those hurricane/tornado shelters.
And that is a curse enough.
Davis continued, "… but you suck one cock… while there is another one penetrating your ass and you're gay… whatever…. fuckers!"
Had he been with Rick Perry he would have said "..but you suck one LITTLE cock.."
He couldn't get gay sex toys at the Mississippi Bait and Tackle and Hair Care and Cigarette and Lynching Rope and Gay Sex Toy Shop?
He didn't know that they keep 'em in the back. You have to ask to see 'em.
Sure he could have, just not the maple syrup flavored ones.
Went up North for some Royal Canadian Mounting eh?
I was hoping someone would post that story so I could use that line. Thanks Kirsten.
That's so gay.
No really, it's gay.
Will Conservative Republicanism be given proper inclusion in the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) when it comes out?
I don't think the DSM-V is going to come out. It's going to have to be outed.
When caught trying to pick up the ICD-10 manual (uh hem) in a gay bar in Biloxi?
In contrast to the BDSM-V, which is out and proud.
R. Clarke Cooper, executive director of the Log Cabin Republicans, a national organization for gay and lesbian conservatives, said he hoped Davis would still be seen as the same person.
"What would be helpful to the mayor is if the community recognizes that he is still the same person," Cooper said. "This is a part of who he is that people just didn't know."
Well, Mr. Cooper, in that regard, the mayor's $67 in closeted gayness gets trumped by his $170,000 in steak houses, liquor stores and tons of other corruption. But if Mayor Davis does go to jail, thanks to the godless socialist America-hating liberals it'll be for betraying the public trust and not for being queer.
Exactly. "Same person", as in…..what? A fucking hypocrite?
The LCR: enabling all those politicians/self-hating homos that actually hate them for …(however many fucking years that they've existed).
"ACLU Defends American Nazi Party's Right to Burn Down ACLU Headquarters" — The Onion
Actually, I think "crook" works.
Yes, I still see him as an embezzler.
Sugar plums, CHECK
Gay Apparel, CHECK
Prancer, CHECK
Dancer, CHECK
Vixen, CHECK
Reindeer games, CHECK
Auditors, CHECKMATE
This, this is beautiful SB. This is why I spend (entirely) too much time on wonkette.
Uh, are you coming on to me, Mumbles?
Needz moar Fairies.
Oh, and you were going to get around to Nutcracker too, right?
Czech. Or Austrian. Whatever.
"Will you guide my 'sleigh' tonight…" CHECK
I'll just bet a creature was stirring, too.
I'm curious about the mechanics of this. Do you buy a toy, and sneak it back on your luggage and into your house, then hide it where the wife can't find it? Do you tell her and have her help use it on you? Do you buy it, and just dispose of it? Was it just magazines or something? Wouldn't this all be a bit simpler, if, oh, I don't know, these assholes weren't self-loathing closet cases? I can walk into The Pleasure Chest, buy myself a very elegant Evolved vibe because I burned out the motor on the last one, wave it in the air at home, and no one gives a flying fuck. Hey Republicans: try honesty on for size. It'll lower your blood pressure.
Please… no tips to lowering their blood pressure… let 'em fucking drop… in droves.
Here we come to f the rooster. But noooo he. Ain't gonna die.
You wore the first one out, is what you're saying? I'm impressed!
"No, really, honey, it's a paperweight."
"wave it in the air at home"–always good to air it out first before use.
"I can walk into The Pleasure Chest, buy myself a very elegant Evolved vibe because I burned out the motor on the last one, wave it in the air at home, and no one gives a flying fuck."
And that is why I'm single.
Dropped discreetly in an airport trash bin as he approaches the security checkpoint. Like an old cold war microfilm drop…only ickier.
Put your vibes in the air. Wave 'em like ye just don't care.
This dude's mug is on the December cover of "Physiognomy and the Gay Closeted Republican Corrupt local politician and Pseudo Pray Away the Gay Psychiatry Practitioner Practical Journal"
That's a mouthful!
Is that the same as profiling?
So typical, this convoluted Republican politician method of coming out. "Outing-by-government-expense-account" belongs in the same category of social phenomena as "suicide-by-cop."
"…and a visit to an adult store catering to gay men while on a recruitment trip to Canada."
Recruitment Trip. They're correct, this stuff really does write itself!
recruitment trip? there may be more charges in the offing.
We want you. We want you. We want you as a new recruit.
Even I bought into the lie that gays are born. Turns out we really do recruit!
$170,000? The town of South Aven can't even afford second "H" in its name. or maybe its Sout Haven.
He's looking mighty perty to Miss Michele Bachmann.
Boy toy.
Went up there for the Molsons and stayed for teh gey.
I'll reserve judgement until I hear EQ weigh in.
This is right across the border from my homeland of Memphis, and my grandmother phoned me this morning to ask whether I had heard that the mayor of Southaven was a queer.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, she added, she knows a few nice gay people around the neighborhood, and she was mostly upset about the stealing from the taxpayers, but still, all of them homersexual parties and whatnot, can you imagine?
My poor, sweet grandmother. She tries her damndest to be progressive-ish about these things.
those sneaky queers, always sucking on the public's teet. Wait, that analogy doesn't work.
Bless her heart for trying. Or as my southern relatives say, trine
Someone just needs to find the mayor a nice, Southern girl, right?
"Nice Southern girls" are probably the reason all these closeted Republican clown-politicians are gay.
Actually, a "Nice, Southern Girl" can better be translated as "a kinky Southern woman, who will perform unthinkable sex acts on you." Having been ultra-repressed, she's also on the verge of a nervous breakdown, so thata's the downside.
Fuck, and YES, as I said below. I don't know if they're freakier than repressed Catholic girls, but a Southern Baptist freak is a damn good find.
*clutches pearls*
That might work, I have gotten nice southern girls to do some filthy, sexy, illegal, highly morally questionable things.
Seriously, don't let the sweet accent fool you.
(makes mental plans for tomorrow night)
Um, I'd say if your grandmama even noticed the stealing-from-taxpayers part, she's doing pretty damn well.
He is conservative? really- spending $170,000 of city money for personal use? Being a closeted gay guy is so last year GOP. It pisses me off that he stole so much from what is probably a pretty poor town but I guess feed/clothe/souse the rich- cheat the poor is the main GOP family value
Now, now. I'm sure he used coupons.
Sort of have to give the guy credit for at least having the guts to say he was gay. He could have said he bought the toys for "research purposes" and then tripped and fell while naked and had one "accidentally" go up his ass. But don't get me wrong, he's still a vile waste of carbon based molecules.
I hope he at least got his 1% cash back.
Canada? I guess while there, he's also sneaking into one of them Soshulish Healthcare Clinics
and oh, now that everyone knew about it, why don't he just change his name into "Gay Davis"
“Oh my God,” thought Greg. “I just got fucked by The Auditors!”
Davis spent thousands of dollars at the Mesquite Chop House in Southaven and thousands more at local liquor stores. Also included in the receipts is a charge for $67 at Priape, a store in Toronto that is described by its website as "Canada's premiere gay lifestyle store and sex shop."
So, the sex toy was only $67–not so unreasonable–but *thousands* at liquor stores? How much of an alcoholic do you have to be?
"While I have performed my job as mayor, in my opinion, as a very conservative, progressive individual — and still continue to be a very conservative individual…"
This guy could teach Mittens some lessons on flip flopping about…
"….but *thousands* at liquor stores? How much of an alcoholic do you have to be?" The type who only spends $67 on sex toys. Batteries not included.
What do you suppose he bought in Canada for 67 bucks that he couldn't find in the US? Maple scented anal beads? Hockey stick vibrator? Caribou antler buttplug? Sidney Crosby's used jock? Inquiring minds want to know.
At least he's getting better legal advice than Jerry "I-Was-Showering-With-Those-Boys-Just-To-Show-Them-How-to-Use-Soap" Sandusky.
Unpatriotic bastard. Can't even support the American sex toy industry
For Christ's sake! Seriously. Can't these sick people and the morons who vote for them get a grip on reality OR jump off a cliff hand-in-hand? They spread their lies and their fear and do harm to so many and they do no good at all.
The South is indeed rising again but mostly in Canadian gay sex toy shops.
I'm sure he did it because he loves his country too much.
I never get enough of that excuse.
There just can't ever be enough of these "family values conservative turns out to be secret howlin' horn-huffer" stories.
Some quotes from his Mayoral website:
“Greg is a wonderful husband and girl-daddy,” Suzann [That's his now ex-wife] says, “he can fix a broken toilet —- and do one of the best ponytails you have ever seen!”
“God has really blessed us with a great church family,” stated Greg, “we are continually learning and experiencing more of God’s awesome glory every week.”
and it was then God noticed Greg and thought "fuck me*, another one of those sanctimonious weasels I fucking hate so much. right, let's fuck with him. how's this for awesome glory, bitch?"
* My imaginary god swears like a sailor.
"girl-daddy"? Wtf does that even mean?
And the statement that he can "…do one of the best ponytails you have ever seen!"
That was a sign, right there, Mrs. Ex-Davis….
Fukui,
Are you making those quotes up or are they actual ones. "girl-daddy" "do one of the best ponytails" REALLY!?!
Nope, these really are from his own site
You know what? I can't even snark. This has just gone from funny to plain sadz. Those poor girls. Why must they always bring children into this?
At first, I read, "My imaginary god sweats like a sailor," and I thought, "Hmm, maybe god does have something in common with Rick Perry."
"girl-daddy" — is that how he described himself in his Craigslist ad?
I have gone my whole life without ever hearing the phrase girl-daddy, and I can think of no good use for it. What's a boy-daddy, or a boy-mommie? I think girl-daddy means exactly what is sounds like.
Snark off momentarily. This brief reminder:
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
Somehow, having a corrupt politician who happens to be gay in a small town in Mississippi seems like (lopsided) progress.
I hadn't thought of it that way … nah, too much of a stretch.
>$170,000 in booze, fancy meals and a TRIP TO A GAY SEX TOY STORE, in Canada.
It's like he was screaming to be caught.
Flaming to be caught?
It seems Monsieur_Grumpe really does read all of them, Katy.
More likely, he's from somewhere nearby. Here in the Memphian subcontinent, this was pretty big news, being the fruits of the latest in a string of investigations into the comically corrupt mayoral offices in the Greater Memphis Area.
Plus, it was pretty funny how this morning's Commercial Appeal (print) managed to completely bury the lede in a sort of well-meaning way. The actual outing was like three paragraphs in and not in the headline, obviously because the editors thought that the corruption should be the big deal, and not the gayness. Naturally, the gayness was all any of the CA's readers talked about all day.
Excellent use of an otherwise overused catchphrase. Well played!
Most people, when they realize they are gay, don't take the company credit card down to the gay sex toy emporium to expense a whole-lotta being-gay-now. I was at work the other day when I realized I hated all humans, but I didn't take the company credit card down to the gun shop. Sheesh.
Well, dildonics can be a complicated technology.
Santa has cum early this year!
I suppose the phase "ho ho ho" is completely irrelevant at this time. If there were only some sort of flying epithet to be given at this time. Reindeer with their leather might be a bit kinky.
Was the sex toy he bought a remote-controlled pink dildo? If not, scandal FAIL.
Don't they have any trannys in Mississippi that need hunting?
News about this incident is detailed in a blog called TowleRoad, which describes itself as "a site with homosexual tendencies." The article includes a photo that appears to be Davis' concession for his Congressional bid. The sad family accompanying him is running a close session to our favorite photo of crying child political pawns.
Below the article is a comment from a person named Janie, "He served his wife with divorce papers at a church dayschool here in Southaven (while she was there with her class during a field trip for childhood development) last December." So possibly he was in the process of coming out before his that event was upstaged by his financial indiscretions.
While I have no sympathy for this lying, cheating Baptist Republican, as usual I feel intensely sorry for his family. I can only hope they will retaliate by refudiating Daddy Dearest's hypocritical politics.
Read more: http://www.towleroad.com/2011/12/gop-family-value...
Ha! That kid looks like she's:
a) got a vicious child-sized migraine; or,
b) blowing her nose in her hands; or,
c) just been pepper-sprayed by Lt. John Pike (invol. ret.)
Too bad his career in politics is over – the two older girls look like they could have been the next Bush twins.
They appear to be the anti-Santorums. More ennui, less 1,000-yard stare.
The hell? We still measure data in pages? And not those 16k page ass bitches, like actual paper?
Do closeted gay Republicans think that Canada is a magic land where your spending didn't happen? It's not like the language or currency is so different that you can't figure out what went down by looking at some paperwork.
Shoulda gone to Quebec… If only he had charged "un dildeau (rose, extra-grand)", no-one would ever have figured it out!
Wha? Who? Oh, again? Ho-hum, zzzzzzzzzzzz
Damn liberal media. Now I've got to go spend more time with my family. And right at Christmas, too.
First of all, why would some broke as hell town in MS send their mayor to Canada with the city credit card? Second, how the hell did he think he was going to get away with dropping $170,000 worth of shit? Nobody could be this clueless. He must have just been looking for a way to get outed without having to do it himself.
There's a suicide-by-cop joke here somewhere but I'm too tired to figure it out.
Hey, hey, hey, there is no evidence that he is racist or bigoted, except against the gays. Or the brown gays. Or the non-christian gays. Or the non-christians. And I'm sure he was secretly in love with a gay liberal, who probably reverse-homophobed him into these vile actions.
Yeah, that all makes sense to me.
Dear Greg Davis,
It is nearly 2012. You should try the Internet. You can buy stuff there and have it shipped wherever you like. It is a series of tubes which may or may not entice you more. I won't act like a dick and say FYI because I'm not stuck up and elitist like that. Just trying to help. Be yourself. People will respect and like you more.
Sincerely,
Poncho Benedicto Pacífico Juan María Ramírez Pilot
Well, it's pretty obvious. He WANTED to get caught. You know how those closeted self-loathing Republicans are.
Hey, the Canadians used to have a Progressive Conservative party, so why not this guy too?
Merry Dickcember, everyone!
Silly Republican, Bangkok is NOT in Quebec. Sex tourism…YER DOIN' IT WRONG!
Mississippi's new state song , Don't go back to Cockville
He'll probably blame Obama for making him go to Cockville. "The kenyan marxist and the democrat party is eating me up inside. So I turned to young male penis and heavy drinking."
Merry Dicktember!! I can't wait for what's in store in Cuntuary.
Yes, even Gee Dub is rumored to be a knobgobbler -http://gayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2007/09/30/george-w-bush-chad-savage/ and http://www.georgewbushisgay.com/
Methinks they doth protest too much.
He figured since no one believed his tales of a Canadian girlfriend when he was younger, they wouldn't believe in his gay adventures in Canada, now. Canada — it's as real as Harry Turtledove's alternate history, eh?
Isn't Gobbler's Knob the town in Tennessee where they make all of that great whiskey? Or is it Irish cream? I get so confused sometimes with all the news coming at me everytime I turn on the ordinateur to check out some free porn.
HEY! I know that dude!!!
New day, new gay guy playing like he's a Christian Con-servative…however this is the first time I have met one of them (that I know of). We even had the occasion to be conservatively prayed at by this dude in Southaven because of the massive Dizzy Dean baseball allstars tournament they host where my kid played and hubs coached. It was absolutley as over the top as a God-centric Patrio-athletic American Baseballarific event in Mississippi as you wd imagine. Amercan flags out the ass, (prob literally) prayers and good old "ain't we awesome" southern frat boy machismo. And I can say the town LOVED him, gave him soooooo much credit for the outstanding growth in Southaven, and as I say, he was leading the fanfare, bragging on his outstanding "conservative christian right wing republican straight white American maleness." He's very tall, manly, swaggery and obvs had a secret.
Oh well, I guess my son is gay now.
(All that wd actually mean is that we would move sooner than later).
That Blingee creator gets the Presidential Medal of Freedom
So how much cash back does the city get on sex toys?
Like most of these "family values" Republitoons, they don't mind if they drop a few points in the pre-election polls, they enjoy the thrill of a come from behind victory.
"And that's why you always pay for your porn with cash." – J. Walter Weatherman
The gay thing is bad in that it shows hypocrisy…. But the reason it all acme to light was because he spent $170k at the city's expense while claiming to be conservative! WTF.
And a queen.
dear Jeebus! the mind just boggles
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