AN INTERESTING LIFE  11:55 pm December 15, 2011

Farewell, Hitch

by Wonkette Jr.

You and the Iraq War on the same day, what are the chances?Our favorite drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay passed away today after a well-publicized bout with esophageal cancer. Christopher Hitchens was 62 years old, which is kind of remarkable when you think about it. We will miss his haughty wit and clever writing as much as we’ll miss saying what a hopeless dupe he was, again and again, and especially after 9/11. But he was sincere about his convictions, which made him a complete rarity in Washington D.C. And in a town full of dullard “media professionals” who are mouth-breathing cretins, Hitchens got away with quite a lot simply because he was smart and charming.

Farewell, Hitch, you social-climbing faux radical! See you in Hell! (Ha ha that is a joke because Hitch made a late career out of bashing religious people.) [Vanity Fair/New Statesman]

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drrty_martini December 16, 2011 at 12:08 am

Okay guys: drinks are on me tonight.

Barb December 16, 2011 at 12:10 am

I hoist a glass to you, sir.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm

And a Marlboro.

PrimlyStable December 16, 2011 at 12:15 am

As if that wasn't bad enough, Peter Hitchens remains in rude health.

boobookitteh December 16, 2011 at 9:19 am

There truly is no God.

Tundra Grifter December 16, 2011 at 9:23 am


Some people say the Good Lord takes those who are ready to go.

KeepFnThatChicken December 16, 2011 at 12:25 am

As an atheist, even I can't help saying "Godspeed."

elviouslyqueer December 16, 2011 at 12:41 am

Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

user-of-owls December 16, 2011 at 12:46 am

Though it pains me as an Irishman to say this, even the fekkin' English produce a marvelous son of a bitch once in a while. Given how rarely this happens, it's all the more a shame that Hitchens left so soon.

Limeylizzie December 16, 2011 at 9:03 am

You are Irish, O'Owls?

Tundra Grifter December 16, 2011 at 9:23 am


A polite question.

Most people would have asked "You aren't Irish, are you?"

Limeylizzie December 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

In my mind Owls is a strapping Aryan, not a twinkling-eyed pixie.

BerkeleyBear December 16, 2011 at 11:09 am

My wife's Scotch Irish relatives have never struck me as particularly pixie-ish. Not exactly strapping, either – more generations of dirt farmers and shit kickers who occasionally somehow manage to have offspring that are leaps and bounds above the mean (like my spouse, and the one lucky bastard a couple generations ago who made a bunch of money on the West Coast and promptly forgot the rest of the family existed).

Tundra Grifter December 16, 2011 at 11:22 am

You just can't resist those Anglo-Saxons?

user-of-owls December 16, 2011 at 12:00 pm


MiniMencken December 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm

English? He was Jewish.

user-of-owls December 16, 2011 at 12:48 am

There are gonna be a whole lot of earthworms that won't know what hit 'em in a few days.

Arken December 16, 2011 at 9:06 am

On the other hand, we'll have ample opportunity to discover the effects of alcohol poisoning on invertebrates.

charlespierz December 16, 2011 at 12:49 am

Thank you for writing an accurate summation of the man. I doubt many will follow your lead.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 16, 2011 at 2:06 am

The Hitch was a drunk, a bastard, an Englishman (sorry owls but I also fit that description), a smoker and a man who thought. It's the latter which makes him an icon.

I'll miss him.

doloras December 16, 2011 at 4:29 am

A man who thought war and torture against brown people was okay if they were religious.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 16, 2011 at 4:40 am

He got waterboarded and declared it torture.

As much as I disagreed with him most of the time, at least he had the fucking balls not to be just another talking head.

GOPCrusher December 16, 2011 at 12:57 pm

And he didn't pull a Lee Atwater and spend his last days trying to make peace with some imaginary sky pixie.

libtardbot December 16, 2011 at 12:54 am

Hitch was one of the writers that made me want to go back to college. I will miss him every time I read.

Nothingisamiss December 16, 2011 at 12:56 am

Although he'd laugh at the possibility, God bless you, Godspeed.

RadioYKWE December 16, 2011 at 1:04 am

God is Not Great was a integral part of this Radio's fine-tuning process.
I remember, shockingly, when he bought the frozen grifter's schtick for a few months. I even tried to e-mail him back into his usual perceptive self. Thankfully, he was able to see through the sociopathic veneer.
We'll miss you Hitch.

TomAmitai December 16, 2011 at 2:02 am

What "frozen grifter" are you referring to?

RadioYKWE December 16, 2011 at 2:12 am

The one with a sociopathic veneer.

Doktor Zoom December 16, 2011 at 9:06 am

Ah. So, then, all of them, Hitchie.

Lascauxcaveman December 16, 2011 at 12:23 pm

For such a smart and witty fellow, he sure liked to be bamboozled by bright, shiny, idiotic objects approaching from the right. Perhaps the effect of a facile and permanently picked brain, as well as a Washington DC address.

BarackMyWorld December 16, 2011 at 1:21 am

Can you imagine if Hitchens ran in to Mother Theresa in the afterlife? Awkward!

jaytingle December 16, 2011 at 8:40 am

He would just get rill drunk and fuck her. Also, Mother T puts out in the afterlife.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I wonder if she would get an abortion afterward?

TurnItOff! December 16, 2011 at 1:52 am

<snarkfree>Dude's at least partially responsible for a twenty-year Harper's habit. I spent a lot of post 9/11 time disagreeing with him, being frustrated by him. But as pointed out above, he was sincere, never cynical, when fighting his arguments. I'll miss his voice.</snarkfree>

This debate continues to entertain and enlighten me as I re-listen to it tonight:

datateday December 16, 2011 at 1:58 am

When you lived life as hard as he did, you never really die. Goodbye, Christopher Hitchens.

DerrickWildcat December 16, 2011 at 2:01 am

I love him.
No wait, I hate him.
Ok, I love him again.
That bastard.

I'll miss him.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 16, 2011 at 2:37 am

PPE at Oxford. That's the one future politicians take – I'm not sure which is the equivalent in the US. Politics, Philosophy and Economics; that's a heady combination in an environment like Oxford.

I'll miss him an awful lot. His level of thought is something sorely missing from most debate.

yyyaz December 16, 2011 at 2:58 am

A fitting end to the shittiest year I've experienced. I wish I could attend the wake, just to hear intelligent conversation. And get drunk and pick a fight, then laugh about it over a noon-ish breakfast. Then cry, and get drunk again in tribute.

jetjaguar December 16, 2011 at 11:59 am

It has been one shit-storm of a year, hasn't it? One god-damned thing after another.

ShitFilledExistence December 16, 2011 at 3:59 am

Never a dull moment with that wit..
Goodbye to my favorite atheist.

mourningnmerica December 16, 2011 at 4:06 am

And yet, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum are still walking around, healthy, like oxen.

This proves that God works in mysterious ways. Just kidding, as, of course, there is no God.

Here's to you, Christopher Hitchens, scoundrel, bastard, friend.

GOPCrusher December 16, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Fuck that. What about Dick Cheney?

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

God obviously has a sick sense of humor.

Badonkadonkette December 16, 2011 at 4:19 am

I'll remember Hitch for having the balls to get waterboarded to prove it's torture, even though he already knew it to be true. Which basically made him the opposite of Sean Hannity.

AddHomonym December 16, 2011 at 4:49 am

Donations in his name will be accepted at your local Lowe's.

ChernobylSoup December 16, 2011 at 6:16 am

No formaldehyde needed on this one.

Reading Hitch 22 is what sent my middle aged ass back to grad school. Bless him.

Pop_Socket December 16, 2011 at 6:32 am

A great tribute by Christopher Buckley.

Limeylizzie December 16, 2011 at 9:09 am

Just gorgeous.Thanks for that.

ttommyunger December 16, 2011 at 7:01 am

"…because he was smart and charming." Smart? No question about it. "Charming"? Sure, if by charming you mean self-important asshole who assumes what he has to say is more important than what anyone else is saying at the time.

Doktor Zoom December 16, 2011 at 9:08 am

i.e., One of us…one of us…(gabba gabba)

ttommyunger December 16, 2011 at 10:04 am

Fortunately, our forum prevents one Wonketeer from interrupting another during discourse; a structure Hitch would find most unsatisfying.

Preferred Customer December 16, 2011 at 2:28 pm

The problem is, in most cases his assumption was valid.

ttommyunger December 16, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Likely so, but consideration of others is the mark of quality and good upbringing.

Come here a minute December 16, 2011 at 7:05 am

In Hitchens' honor (honour), I'll pour myself an extra morning martini. Breakfast of champions!

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So what was his drink of choice, anyway?

All of them, Katie???

x111e7thst December 16, 2011 at 7:12 am

Hitchens is dead. Bachmann and Santorum are running for President. Mere alcohol is not helping any more. I need better drugs.

prommie December 16, 2011 at 9:58 am

Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all . . . .

KeepFnThatChicken December 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

So tell me why could it be true…

fuflans December 16, 2011 at 5:58 pm

don't forget dick cheney!

finallyhappy December 16, 2011 at 7:15 am

I don't get why anyone thinks a supreme(not Diana Ross) being has anything to do with your death. That is one of the beliefs people have that I hate the most. God wanted to take him home, She is resting in the arms of Jesus. I would hate to believe in something that as waiting to killl me so I could visit with them.

natoslug December 16, 2011 at 11:33 am

I believe in something that is waiting to kill me so I can visit with her. I don't believe in a supreme being, however, just in the craziness of an ex.

Extemporanus December 16, 2011 at 7:36 am

I honestly can't remember a time when I wasn't an atheist, although I can remember a time — well before I even knew what one was — when I wasn't at ease with being an atheist. Originally, my beliefs (and lack thereof) were defined almost entirely by a defensive skepticism and rejection of the beliefs of others. I was reflexively questioning, dogmatically dismissive, and arrogantly above all things religious, with a frustratingly vague sense of what I was actually for.

In other words, I was a know-it-all asshole kid.

My parents, god bless them (ha!), were pretty open-minded and encouraging of ad hoc spiritual exploration when I was young, though at the end of the day they basically couldn't give two shits. I went to church. I went to CCD. I went to synagogue. I went to temple. Hell, I even went to a week-long Native American spiritual retreat once, when I was in Trailblazers, which was a '70s-era alternative to Boy Scouts for kids not really into the whole uniforms and patches and pledges and pedophilia scene.

I also went to the local public library. A lot. Religiously, one might even say.

And it was there, when I was twelve, that I stumbled across something written by someone when they were only a few years older than me at the time that poignantly described what I felt but couldn't quite voice, put me at ease with my atypical lack of faith, and provided me with a philosophical framework of something tangible to actually believe in for a change.

It was the poem Thanatopsis by William Cullen Bryant, and this passage in particular:

Earth, that nourish'd thee, shall claim
Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again,
And, lost each human trace, surrendering up
Thine individual being, shalt thou go
To mix for ever with the elements,
To be a brother to the insensible rock,
And to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain
Turns with his share, and treads upon. The oak
Shall send his roots abroad, and pierce thy mould.

(Clichéd, obvious, maudlin, pedestrian, etc., I know. But I was only twelve, you guys — high school English Lit class was still five years away — and I'd also just discovered Melville, Tolkien, and L. Ron Hubbard, so the fact that something as musty as this had any impact on me at all was, well, a minor miracle.)

To me, the absurd, illogical, inexplicable fact that Life-with-a-capital-'L' exists and (futilely?) persists in spite of the ambivalent, unrelenting assault of almighty entropy is transcendently meaningful in and of itself.

Without religion, how on Earth do the other 99.9% of living beings summon the will to soldier on in the face of such daunting odds? To which church does a rhinovirus return each week for absolution of its myriad sins? In which god does an Arctic alga blindly place its undying faith? From which scripture does a carpenter ant queen read to inspire her flock not to lose its way?

I re-read Thanatopsis whenever I hear that a fellow godless heathen has kicked the proverbial cum bucket. I hope that someone else does the same when I inevitably do so as well.

Rest in pieces, Christopher Hitchens. In the end, time is the ultimate higher power, and you sure as fuck held your own…

FakaktaSouth December 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

I totally dig what you are saying. It can be a drag to realize you don't have whatever it is that gives so many their faith, their ability to believe or whatever. You know what made me feel better? I know this is going to make me look trite even as I type it…ANYway, the end of Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters. Even if it is all a big crazy bunch of bullshit, don't you want to be a part of it? (I was 15 and saw it on some old vcr tape, and it made me feel like it didn't all have to be such a big damn deal .)

Doktor Zoom December 16, 2011 at 9:26 am

Thank you–I got there by a far different route (Cliff's Notes: Raised Catholic, then read a lot of Vonnegut, and more…), but came to similar conclusions.

Coincidentally, Kid Zoom casually labeled himself "a Jewish atheist" yesterday, the first time I'd ever heard him state it quite so definitely–he'd always hedged his bets and described himself as agnostic before.

Footnote to "Thanatopsis"–I always liked cowboy poet Wallace McRae's take on the theme in "Reincarnation"

not that Dewey December 16, 2011 at 7:38 am

I even subscribed to Vanity Fair just so I could read more of his articles. VANITY FUCKING FAIR!! See the sacrifices we were willing to make for you, Hitchens? You will be missed.

MARCdMan December 16, 2011 at 8:35 am

It's really a shame that cancer got him, cirrhosis of the liver had dibs.

johnnymeatworth December 16, 2011 at 8:40 am

Wherever he is, maybe he and Kurt Vonnegut are smoking and drinking and laughing at the rest of us still stuck here….

Allmighty_Manos December 16, 2011 at 8:43 am

I vow to do some serious liver and lung damage tonight in your memory

chascates December 16, 2011 at 8:48 am

The fundies will probably claim he repented and accepted Jeebus in his final moments.

BerkeleyBear December 16, 2011 at 11:17 am

And maybe he did. If you have even the tiniest sliver of doubt, a death bed "conversion" is a hell of a way to cover your bets. Worst case – you are worm food, just like you always thought. Best case – party time forever!

natoslug December 16, 2011 at 11:34 am

Oh, I'm sure there will be a baptism for the dead in his future shortly. Like Carlin, Hitler and Thoreau, pretty much everyone converts to Mormonism eventually, whether they want to or not.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 16, 2011 at 8:56 am

I came to think of him as a lovable bastard that I hated.
I hope he's reincarnated as a kangaroo.

I lost a good friend to the same cancer.
Smoking still sucks.

Arken December 16, 2011 at 9:08 am

My favorite Hitchens moment was when he was supposed to debate someone on religion, but they didn't show up, so he debated himself, effectively making better arguments for religion (and then expertly shooting them down of course) than any of the people he's ever debated on the subject.

I'll miss you, ya boozy bastard.

FakaktaSouth December 16, 2011 at 9:17 am

Being as I love me some drunk, smokey, asshole atheism (said with all due respect) I am bummed. However, that DC apartment he had that I saw in whatever article abt him was INCREdIBLe. Hmmm I wonder…

sbj1964 December 16, 2011 at 9:52 am

Christopher will be missed;his wisdom rare.I think we will not see his like for a long time.His passing would have diminished the world had he not so enriched it with Logic,and reason.

prommie December 16, 2011 at 9:55 am

This sucks fucking ass. Nothing anymore can ever gang to no guid. I am done attempting to find joy in life, its a wasted effort.

prommie December 16, 2011 at 9:58 am

I do a pretty good drunk, smokey asshole atheist, you know, despite my time on the vestry.

FakaktaSouth December 16, 2011 at 10:04 am

My Fave Hitch quote: "the four most overrated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” I don't care for lobster or picnics either.

prommie December 16, 2011 at 10:36 am

Got it, no lobster picnics.

prommie December 16, 2011 at 10:05 am

And this post deserves to be on the front page, goddammit.

jetjaguar December 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

I hate people. However, Hitch was one of my favorite. I shall spend the day rewatching his debates, drinking and buying the special atheist-christmas edition of the New Statesman:

sad, sad day

BaldarTFlagass December 16, 2011 at 10:37 am

Sure have missed that irascible old fuck since he got sick, sad to hear he ain't gonna do the old remission thing. Think I'll go burn a church in his honor.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard December 16, 2011 at 10:42 am

NOOOOOOO!!! This is the first place I'm hearing about this. One less sane person on this planet :(

La_Cieca December 16, 2011 at 10:43 am

The way I see it, the circumstances of Hitchens' death suggest there is no God. If there were a God, He would surely have made Hitchens' last illness long and drawn-out, with a number of remissions, in order to provide him with the opportunity to develop empathy and self-knowledge through suffering and hope.

On the other hand, it may be that God, in His infinite wisdom, realized very quickly that Hitchens was incapable of developing these qualities even with the tutelage of the Almighty, so He just shrugged His shoulders and said, "Why bother?"

GregComlish December 16, 2011 at 11:23 am

Hitchens was a shallow, contrarian, bloated, piece-of-shit warmonger. He didn't merely support the massively idiotic Iraq war but likened all war opponents to adherents of Stalin. He spat on me, and my friends, and my values. He never apologized. And then as death approached he tried to redeem him among liberals by directing his bile ducts against the biggest, easiest target he could find: the Christian right.

Morn his death all you want. I choose to piss on his grave.

DemmeFatale December 16, 2011 at 11:36 am

I remember him hating on Mother Teresa when the rest of the word was canonizing her.
He always made me wonder, "what does he know, that I don't know?"

But then he started hating on Bill Clinton, and I stopped caring what he thought. (When he called Bill a monster, I gave up on him,)

RIP, though.

Beanball December 16, 2011 at 6:03 pm

And he was right about Clinton, just as he was right about Mother Teresa.

Truth is where you find it, is all I'm sayin', it is even uttered by the mouths of over-educated wanna-be upper-class boors.

Not that there's anything wrong with being over-educated, mind you.

DemmeFatale December 16, 2011 at 6:53 pm

He hated on the Clintons before it was trendy.
Truth? Really?
(Bill was not at all liberal enough for me, but a MONSTER??!!)

Beanball December 16, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Definitions of monster differ, I'm sure, but for my part, I would call the passage of NAFTA, the repeal of Glass-Steagal, and the continuation of the economic sanctions and the no-fly zones in Iraq (of which the former led directly to the deaths of an arguable million human beings from disease and starvation) pretty monstrous actions, and by the law of inversion, the perpetrator of those actions a monster.

Clinton was and is a monstrous abomination of a human being and a liar to boot.

DemmeFatale December 17, 2011 at 10:59 am

I'm not into pissing contests.
Let's agree to disagree, and have a nice weekend.

sbj1964 December 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Some loved him,others loved to hate him.

sati_demise December 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm

DF (Clinton was a monster, as we see now dealing with all this legislation causing the economic meltdown he could have vetoed.)

I will love Christopher forever for his quip on the death of Jerry Falwell.
Hitchens broke the mold, one of a kind, whether you love him or hate him.
Well done, sir, RIP.

OneYieldRegular December 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

"I will love Christopher forever for his quip on the death of Jerry Falwell."

Thank you for recalling that. Omitting it in Hitch's obituary would have been a sin.

SayItWithWookies December 16, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Well shit. That bomb-throwing, sotted iconoclast pissed off a lot of people, including myself when he got all pro-Iraq war, but he was always entertaining, intelligent and funny. To honor him, I will do some serious gin drinking tonight and will also pick a fight with anyone who happens to say they believe in any ridiculous notion of a deity or an afterlife. Someone in person, not y'all damn fools who posted already.

sbj1964 December 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Faith without evidence is the blind being led by the blind.

OneYieldRegular December 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm

The first time I ever heard of Christopher Hitchens was about 20 years ago when I saw him in person during a panel discussion in which he engaged some Hollywood-style Buddhist in a debate about spirituality. He kept a bottle at his feet, and poured himself a drink every few minutes. I kept thinking, here's this pasty Buddhism convertee pretentiously blabbing about metaphysics while next to him this audacious guy – who the hell IS he? – is literally imbibing the spirit.

randomsausage December 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Sure, his scattergun approach meant he hit some of the wrong targets: but anyone who takes a shit on Mother Teresa is pretty cool in my book.

fuflans December 16, 2011 at 6:05 pm

How now,
wit! whither wander you?

rocktonsam December 16, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Cheers you prick

We'll miss you.

sbj1964 December 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Farewell Hitch, give em Hell. Oh yeah there is no hell !

Limeylizzie December 16, 2011 at 11:36 am

My husband is a weird and fabulous blend he's 6″4″ with that fantastic prematurely white Irish hair, blue eyes and a Portuguese surname! Perfection.

Limeylizzie December 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Pocket Adonis .

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Tinkerbell,is that you?

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