Wingnuts Refuse to Sell Breast Cancer-Fighting Bibles, Out of Love for Cancer

  wingnut family values

No nutz, no health care!

What a charming holiday story: the nutsack owners of a Christian bookstore mega-chain are discontinuing sales of a particular Bible that donates one dollar of every sale to a breast cancer research charity, because of… what this time, charity being anti-free market or something? (Oops, we shouldn’t give them more ideas.) NO, it’s because the charity in question, the Susan G. Komen Foundation, donates some part of its monies to “breast cancer health programs” run by wingnut bogey-woman Planned Parenthood. So, um, breast cancer screenings are giving people abortions now or what?

CNN reports on this latest pro-death initiative from the “pro-life” people:

When Lifeway realized they were donating to a foundation that also donated to Planned Parenthood, they released a statement stating they “made a mistake.”

“When our leadership discovered the overwhelming concern that some of Komen’s affiliates were giving funds to Planned Parenthood, we began the arduous process of withdrawing this Bible from the market,” stated a release by Thom S. Rainer, president and CEO of LifeWay. “Though we have assurances that Komen’s funds are used only for breast cancer screening and awareness, it is not in keeping with LifeWay’s core values to have even an indirect relationship with Planned Parenthood.”

DOUBLE BONUS: Susan G. Komen picked Planned Parenthood because they are a non-profit health care provider, so hooray, there is a neat little “fuck the poor who didn’t get Jesus’s free market memo” aspect to this story after all:

“In all cases, Komen funding is used exclusively to provide breast cancer programs, including clinical breast exams conducted by trained medical personnel,” stated the release. “It’s important to note that Komen will only make grants to non-profit organizations. As many mammography providers are for-profit entities, we are only to fund mammography services through grants made to local non-profit service providers.”

Yeah, sounds pretty demonic. [CNN via Wonkette operative "chascates"]

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152 comments

    1. Serolf_Divad

      After all, if scientists find a cure for breast cancer Newt will have to find some other horrible disease for Calista to succomb to before he divorces her.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        Since she appears to be made out of white ceramic, he just has to drop her on the floor and get an intern to sweep up the shards (Newtie thought bubble "Mmmm, intern bent over…..I hear wedding bells already…..")

      2. tessiee

        Also, if any woman anywhere can get an abortion, ever, what will happen to Newt's next wife, who is even now being conceived?

    1. Tommmcattt

      With various parts of his anatomy, as often as possible, between the sheets and in the frolicsome parks…

    2. arihaya

      strictly speaking, King James was (arguably) bisexual. You know, just like Alexander the Great and all those whoopsy European heroes.

    3. Negropolis

      Yeah, but they could only be of a certain weight before that support was compromised. The king surely had a bad back.

    4. user-of-owls

      Well I suppose one could consider crucifixion a type of "support," though I daresay the usage is quite non-traditional.

  1. Tundra Grifter

    An obvious reason Planned Parenthood operates so many clinics providing first rate care of all kinds is that others have abandoned those neighborhoods.

    No banks. No super markets. Just corner stores selling menthol cigarettes and malt liquor.

    So Planned Parenthood goes in and provides affordable care. And now the right wing nutz are spreading the lies and trying to put them out of business.

    How many right wing health organizations are there? Non-profit? I mean a real non-profit, not just not making a profit.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        SYP:

        It's Thursday night, Grasshopper.

        The snark and snide will start Friday morning. Along with a heart-starter – probably a Ramos Fizz.

    1. poorgradstudent

      My far-right Catholic friend always answers that religious organizations, including the Catholics, can and will pick up the slack. Of course, as a homo American the prospect of having to get all my medical care from groups with the same outlook as the Church of Latter-Day Saints and the Salvation Army fills me with sweet. sweet despair.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Can and will pick up the slack? As in the District of Columbia where the Catholic archdiocese threatened to withdraw ALL their social service activities when gay marriage was legalized in our nation's capital? Despair, indeed.

  2. PrimlyStable

    I've had enough of these so-called doctors "playing god" by keeping people alive when The Lord has put a lot of effort into giving them cancer. Who are these scientists to interfere with His divine will?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        DB:

        Who says the GNoPee didn't do anything about Health Care when there had control of the House and the Senate?

        They passed that bill that Ms. Schiavo was still alive.

    1. tessiee

      "I've had enough of these so-called doctors "playing god" by keeping people alive when The Lord has put a lot of effort into giving them cancer."

      Which is completely different from doctors "playing god" by keeping people alive by not turning off their life support.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Already stolen, from Black Adder II (when he is having dinner with his puritan Aunt and Uncle).

    1. Negropolis

      Those dirty pillows tempt the good and pure Christian men of this world. We shall declare a War on Breasts!

    1. memzilla

      I don't blame the noun so much as I blame the adjective. When you preface any religion with the word "fundamentalist" or "conservative," you got trouble. Funny how there's no fundamentalist Buddhists, though…

      1. Loaded_Pants

        They just read the Fux News scroll at the bottom of the screen then start foaming at the mouth when a two-syllable-word that they don't understand pops up on it.

        1. RadioYKWE

          It's kind of like the debates. They are all trying to one up each other within the confines of fictional talking points — with homoerotic and racist undertones. e.g.
          Newt: Obama is a radical failure.
          Miche1e: The failed One must be defeated.
          Mitts: A failure of leadership.
          Parry: The gays have destroyed christmas, because of Obama.
          Santorum: The gays and Obama have destroyed this country.
          Paul: The gays, niggers and Obama are all Marxists.
          Huntsman: Who cares?

  3. memzilla

    In their Bible, Jeebus of Gethsemamoney went around taking the blood of poor virgin single mothers and redistributing it to the oligarchs and plutocrats at a nice markup, for teh freedom.

    1. tessiee

      Also pepper spraying the troublemakers who were keeping the moneylenders from getting to their jerbs in the temple.

  4. Biff

    This summer I donated money to Komen for the Cure in my sister's name for an anniversary present. I think they've spent every dime of that in mailings both thanking me and pimping me for more. I shoulda just given her the cash to donate as she saw fit. Or spend on booze and blow, I don't care.

    1. tessiee

      "This summer I donated money to Komen for the Cure in my sister's name for an anniversary present. I think they've spent every dime of that in mailings both thanking me and pimping me for more."

      OK, obviously any charity on earth still has to pay rent, staff salaries, misc. overhead, etc., but this is as good a place as any to mention that charities are required by law to disclose where donation money goes upon request — so if you have a concern like Biff's, you can find out for sure.

      We now return to our regularly scheduled snark, already in progress.

        1. Biff

          Oh, I have no idea, prolly a faux exclusive, which means I won't be watching it. So if my comments are disjointed from the event, you'll know why. Look for the chicken choker avatar…

  5. edgydrifter

    American Jesus chased the money changers and merchants out of the temple, too, but only because they wouldn't give him a slice of the action.

  6. hilbillyheroine

    Yet, the fundies can't figure out that Rupert Murdoch owns most of the Xtian publishing businesses. He also owns and peddles porn all over Direct TV. Ya think if they ever "make the connection" they might boycott Fox? Nah.

  7. Nostrildamus

    Time for Herman Cain to bravely step forward and start performing those desperately needed breast exams.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      "Now step right up here, girl! I'm going to give you one of those mammagrammeries (or whatever the hell their called)!"

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Pink bibles? Really? I think the only major sin here would be having a lack of taste. Pepto-Bibles…if anything would make manly-man abortion-hating Jesus cry, it would that.

  8. sbj1964

    As Al Bundy, would say."Big'ns,Big'ns Yum yum,yum, Hooters are fun for everyone !" Let's Rock! Cue George Throughgood's, Bad to the Bone.

    1. yyyaz

      Easy: read one. This assumes, of course, that the reader has a modicum of intelligence, a fair-to-middling education and critical-thinking skills. Lacking these, an impartial observation of those who employ it as a template — or, more commonly, as a weapon — is generally sufficient to put the lie to the "good book." Alternatively, if it spews green vomit and/or has registered as a member of the Repugnacunt Party, just shoot the living shit out of it. You're welcome.

    2. tessiee

      According to the article, the Bibles they're banning are apparently a strain of rogue Bibles that aren't quite woman-hating *enough*.

  9. Rotundo_

    No matter how long the stretch, no matter how improbable the linkage, these sorts will find some sort of justification for grandstanding and making noise about their pet issue. I imagine if they were making money hand over fist in the proposition, they probably wouldn't be nearly as selective about the charity. The markup for the pink leatherette version got eaten up by the donation, they get to keep all of the markup on the other colors of leatherette for themselves. When you're a peddlin' Juhh—-HEEEZZ—-ussssss! you gotta keep charity from eatin' your margins up.

    1. tessiee

      "No matter how long the stretch, no matter how improbable the linkage, these sorts will find some sort of justification for grandstanding and making noise about their pet issue."

      Excellent observation. Here in Portland, their opposite extreme consists of tatttooed vegans who make a big deal out of how they refuse to own a television, which is a bit silly; the difference being that the lefties don't actually hurt anybody or affect anybody's life for the worse.

      And now, having read the words "pink leatherette", I want a pink leatherette Bible, preferably with Hello Kitty somewhere on the cover. Is that so wrong?

      1. Rotundo_

        I love the sound of the phrase "pink leatherette". It would work nicely for a band name. As for the Hello Kitty edition King James Bible, it must exist, for there is a Hello Kitty edition of everything known by humans to exist. Should be an easy find.

  10. Doktor Zoom

    OT, but speaking of life-threatening malignancies, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the subject of some serious Federal scrutiny, and may very soon face a DOJ lawsuit for violations of civil rights and of the Constitution.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Just send him to prison already & make the old hateful racist coot wear a pink jumpsuit. Oh, & put him in a cell with someone who's about 3 feet taller than he is, 75 pounds heavier & has darker skin than he does.

  11. JustPixelz

    "…we began the arduous process of withdrawing this Bible from the market…"

    If you think that's arduous, try breast cancer treatment. Mastectomy surgery, six weeks of radiation, five years of estrogen suppressors and a lifetime of wondering when it will come back. Then try it without health insurance, because Jesus hasn't come back to cure anybody. And he never fucking will. So we have to figure this out ourselves.

    Oh, also: go fuck yourselves DeathWay.

  12. Negropolis

    How many degrees of seperation is this? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Ewww…Planned Parenthood cooties! Run! Time for this store to change its name. Lifeway, my black ass. How about Deathray?

    It takes a special kind of evil and crazy to turn something like Koman Foundation into something wicked. It's why there is a special place in Christian hell for special kinds of evil.

  13. DaRooster

    "Wars don't kill people… People with Gods kill people"…
    … especially people with breast cancer here.

    Assholes- "We hate suffering women with cancer."… what a christian thing to say.

    (I know it is a repeat… but it so fits here)

  14. KathrynSane

    So you're pro-life, huh? Don't you think a woman or two might die from you cutting off funding to this life-saving organization? Jeez, it's almost like you care more about the "lives" of clumps of cells than you do about wome–oh, wait.

  15. RadioYKWE

    In a way, who cares? Have you ever gone into one of those snore stores? It's all Made in China S&M symbols (crosses) and schmaltzy Jeebus crap. I couldn't imagine anything I would ever even want in one of those bores. I wonder what they would do if they knew their buildings were built with union labor and shackling gubmint regulations like buildiing codes? Plus the Bible is a poor example of fiction anyhow. Fuck 'em with a concertina wire condom.

  16. ttommyunger

    It's not just the "Stepford" demeanor of every single employee in these shithole establishments that creep me out, it is the Muzak: every single song on these Christian Store Soundtracks is totally identical in pace, chord, range and coma-inducing lyrics.

    1. Negropolis

      Is Lifeway a regional thing? I've never heard of them, and I'm kind of glad it took this long for me to hear of them.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        Maybe it's a Southern thing (surprise!) – there was a big Lifeway store in Little Rock AR when I lived there years ago. You can buy just about everything for the Christian lifestyle there – I'm pretty sure they're doing a BOGO on rentboys right now.

        1. tessiee

          "I'm pretty sure they're doing a BOGO on rentboys right now."

          I sure hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

    1. KathrynSane

      Fun fact: Statistically speaking, it is safer to get an abortion than to actually have a baby. The More You Know…

  17. Spurning Beer

    Funny, isn't it, how the slightest whiff of abortionism cancels out any amount of generosity, healing, love, kindness, care, peace and piety.

    Yet the faintest hint of professed fundamentalism outweighs almost any amount of drug abuse, thievery, philandering, fraud, drunkenness, bigotry, corruption, or violence.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      They're a new species of Americans who were bred to feel no hypocrisy. Also, not to get irony nor sarcasm.

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Some one should start a rumor that every single Bible sold commercially allows for a gay person to enter heaven.

      1. user-of-owls

        I never realized that most of the players/directors in the church were queenies! The fact that our organist's version of "Nearer My God To Thee" sounded suspiciously like "La Vie En Rose" makes a lot more sense now.

    1. natoslug

      I always assumed homosexuality was a requirement for Christianity if you're male, what with all the sucking down the body of Christ and drinking his vital essences or whatever it is they do in their Christofetish ceremonies.

  19. chascates

    The wingnuts lose interest in that kid once it's born. Prebirth, a sacred soul of God to be protected even if the mother dies in childbirth. Out of the womb, an annoying child who disappoints man and God.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Yeah, rub it in that I'm post-menopausal and can't get anymore abortions. I feel so, so, so not like a liberal fulfilling myself as a real woman.

    2. tessiee

      Don't forget to have random sex in the parking lot on the way out, so you can have another abortion as soon as possible.

  20. JackObin

    I take solace in the fact that no gods exist, nor have they ever existed. Unfortunately, bookstores for illiterates are all too real.

  21. littlebigdaddy

    I have a good male friend who is going through chemo for breast cancer right now. Yup, it's possible.

    1. Mrs. Bitch

      Cool! Now, next Sunday invite a bunch of friends over. Eat some body-of-Jeebus Wheat Thins and wash it down with a nice Chianti, anoint each one with said beverage, claim your house is now a church, and never pay taxes again.

  22. DustBowlBlues

    So, is anyone going to watch this debate thingy? I find them very entertaining esp. now that Mittens has to get nasty. Hahahah. Mormon going nasty. The angel Macaroni won't like that.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Is KBJ live-buggering this debauchery on the Wonkette? It's the only way I can watch the KKKlown show.

  23. DustBowlBlues

    Oh, I forget to mention that I have no idea if this thing is on the teevee, what channel, and, ugh, I'm exhausted so maybe gramma will do a ilttle herbal therapy. I've never been with my pretend friends on "our" wonket when I was in a lightly altered state, at least since I had to give up the hard narcotic pain pills to save my liver, or something. (It made sense when the doctor explained it.)

    1. Biff

      I think it's exclusive to faux, which is off-limits to my teevee and browser, but it's still fun to make fun of them.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        That explains why I couldn't find it. Faux News isn't on our favorites list where the news channels are listed.

        Maybe I'll watch some of it all alone (and high–that's right, I was going to go do that, and cleaning up my daughter's room that she never actually cleaned when she moved on that has been taken over by the 6 year old grandchild and has dead bugs in every corner and behind every pile of crap the two of them left behind).

        Holy crap, how glamorous my life is.

        1. ThundercatHo

          My teenager is going to Disneyworld the day after xmas for a week! I'm planning lots of herbal therapy then. My life is also glamorous. This morning I cleaned up doggie diarrhea, then mucked the horses out and I'm getting ready to do laundry while waiting for the plumber. Later, it's Sax (RiteAid) and Tiffany's(DollarGeneral) and this weekend it'll be Neiman-Marcus (Costco).

          1. tessiee

            "Later, it's Sax (RiteAid)"

            Not to be a spelling nazi, but this is unclear. Are you going to Rite-Aid to play the Sax, or to have sex?

          2. tessiee

            Oh, I know who/what Sak's Fifth Avenue is, I just can't afford to shop there.

            There's an old joke about it:
            1st Yenta: Tell me, dolling, confidentially, what do you think of sex?
            2nd Yenta [thinks]: Not as good as Bloomingdale's, but a nice selection.

  24. mourningnmerica

    Hey Christards. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

    There. Better now.

  25. LetUsBray

    I would totally boycott Lifeway if there'd ever been the remotest possibility of my setting foot in one of their stores.

  26. littlebigdaddy

    Up until now, I thought Books-a-Million was the most perverse bookstore parody. Now, I am not sure.

  27. lulzmonger

    Wow. Snark fails me. That is some seriously sick shit right there.

    Jesus 2.0:

    "Whatsoever you do unto any of these malevolent tumors, you also do unto Me."

  28. owhatever

    All of those pro NFL football players who wear pink to support breast cancer research should gang fight Thom S. Rainer, the president and CEO of LifeWay on Pay Per View, with a huge viewing audience, with proceeds going to Plan Parenthood.

  29. Chichikovovich

    When Bush set up the office of "Faith-Based Initiatives" to funnel money to Christian charities and organizations, (a department continued, I believe, by the Marxist Socialist Anti-Christian Muslim Kenyan) the official line was that this wasn't a Church-state violation because the money for religious activities was kept (or so it was claimed) strictly separate from the money used for the specific charitable activities being supported. It sounded a bit fishy to me, but I thought, OK, that's the principle, so I'll have to live with it.

    LifeWay apparently feels this principle should be abandoned, which is commendably honest of them, given how much [begin{wingnut} hard working American taxpayerend{wingnut}] money it will cost churches.

  30. OneYieldRegular

    Why would anyone ever buy a bible, what with free copies in every hotel room and religious fanatics always giving them away? Perhaps more to the point: why would anyone ever sell one?

  31. tessiee

    If you're going to be a Jesus ween, it's not enough to refuse to tolerate choice; you also have to refuse to tolerate the tolerant.

  32. tessiee

    Since there's no occasion when I'd ever spend money on a Bible anyway, I'll just have to make up the difference by donating money to the Komen foundation and/or Planned Parenthood. Maybe as gift donations for everybody's Christmas ween?

  33. Warpde

    After all, Unplanned Parenthood is so much better then a Planned Parenthood.
    More children to mop floors an clean out the toilets.

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