GOOD-BYE TO ALL THAT  4:17 pm December 15, 2011

Everything Must Go! Iraq War Joins 2011′s List of Worn-Out Evil Things

by Ken Layne

Who wants this crap? Nobody, that's who!Our latest War Against Iraq is over, did you hear? The NYT home page helpfully put the years of the war in the headline, like you might for an obituary of Amy Winehouse or Dick Cheney: 2003-2011. That’s a long war, even compared to wars we supposedly won, like World War II. (Not quite as long as the War Against Afghanistan, though … that phustercluck has already dragged on longer than any U.S. war, including the American Revolution.) And what makes this nine-year-long Iraq War “over,” anyway? Because Obama said it was over? Uhh, okay we guess! That sure was a great Ticker Tape parade in Times Square, and now we’re just doing vodka shots and eating oysters with some hot USO gal we met at Penn Station, or whatever people are supposed to do when wars are won. Anyway, it’s time to say good-bye to ALL OF THE THINGS nobody likes anymore, because 2011 was the year when the citizens of Earth finally got up, took a good look around, and said, “Wow. This crap has got to stop..”

The Forgotten War We Lost: How crazy does a year have to get to make us forget the Iraq War? As crazy as 2011, apparently. Back in 2004, people were so bummed out and pissed off over the Iraq nightmare that popular terror dolt George W. Bush very nearly lost the White House for a second time … to John Kerry! (Gah, Kerry and Edwards.) Iraq continued to be “a thing people thought about, in America” for several more years. It even played a rhetorical role in the 2008 election of old what’s his name, Obama. But today, about the only Americans crying about the Iraq War are the families of the 4,484 U.S. troops killed and 32,200 maimed and uncountable veterans driven to insanity and addiction and homelessness by the pointless bloodbath. The defense contractors are crying, too, but the U.S. Government cares a lot about defense contractors, and that’s why Afghanistan has been “ramped up” along with all those other countries with Muslims, and the actual United States is also an official war theater complete with hundred-million-dollar robot death drones in the skies over our foreclosed homes and half-vacant malls.

The Age of Rage: Where did the disgust begin, this year? And what made it go from harmless simmer to raging boil? There are many candidates for “the S.O.B. who pushed us over the edge,” but none is easier to hate than Scott Walker, the wingnut boytoy of Koch Industries. Because this year of protest and occupation began early in 2011, in February, at the Wisconsin state capital in Madison. By the time the labor protests were forced out of the capital, more than 100,000 people had taken part in the anti-Walker anti-Koch actions. It was here that the full power of YouTube video reports, Facebook updates and phoned-in pizza orders for the protesters became evident — and it was here, certainly, that the Powers That Be got to work on their plans to shut off social networking, text messages and the entire Internet. By the time the Everything Must Go/Year of Rage reached the poor neighborhoods of London and subway stations where San Francisco Bay people were protesting cops killing citizens in cold blood, turning off texting and mobile service was just a matter of a phone call from The Boss to the Telecoms.

What else? Stay tuned, or “Look on the Internet, later.” From unwanted Arab dictators to unwanted U.S. presidential candidates (“all of them, Katie”), 2011 was the year when we all said, “Eh, fuck it.”

 
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{ 199 comments }

nounverb911 December 15, 2011 at 4:18 pm

“We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous. Make our troops know we're for them and trying to get them out of there.”
–Molly Ivins, from her last column, January 11, 2007

Mumbletypeg December 15, 2011 at 4:27 pm

"Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous"

At Wonkette this was how we earned our imprimatur at least until the architects of FAIL became so good at flexing their stoopid it turned bad — or virtually useless — for comic relief.

Barb December 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm

"I can't believe I gave a nerd my panties"
_Molly Ringwold
Sixteen Candles

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 15, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Many of us grew up that day. Many of us grew up.

ShitFilledExistence December 15, 2011 at 4:42 pm

"I’m out of money, out of hope,
It looks like self destruction.
Well how much more can we take,
With all of this corruption"
–Molly Hatchet

slowhansolo December 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm

It's probably best that Molly passed when she did.

MosesInvests December 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I haz a sad because Molly died before I moved to Austin-I would have loved to meet her. But, we're still keeping Austin weird in her honor (only sane place in Texas).

ThundercatHo December 15, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Sniff. I miss her so much. She and Ann are probably up in heaven, shaking their heads, buttering another biscuit and having another drink.

Pragmatist2 December 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Did the 4500 American soldiers come back to life? If not, I'll hold the champagne.

Numbat_Dundee December 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

One or two Iraqis may have lost their lives as well.

Kidneys4Sale December 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm

3 women, 1 child, and between 5 and 6 'insurgents'.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Adios Newt?

Baconzgood December 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Is that cuban you're speaking?

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Oh no, that is full-throated Arpaiolish.

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

O/T But it sounds like the Feds are going after Sheriff Joe for civil rights violations. http://news.yahoo.com/apnewsbreak-feds-arpaio-vio

weejee December 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Couldn't happen to a sweeter asshole.

edgydrifter December 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm

That pictures says it all. 2011: The Year of the Scowl.

Swampgas_Man December 15, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I wish that nekkid schmuck in the corner was scowling; that grin haunts me.

ChernobylSoup December 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Is casual lesbianism still mainstream?

chascates December 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm

No, just exciting.

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Not as exciting as accidental lesbianism.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Premeditated lesbianism has its appeal as well.

Sparky_McGruff December 15, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Keep talking like that, and Michele Bachmann will run and hide in the bathroom.

MathIsHard December 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

Is that the same as surprise lesbianism?

memzilla December 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Only if you're doing it right.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Not sure, but we know with certainty that rampant lesbianism sure is. At least in Northeastern Oklahoma. And at least according to Metro Trend Spotter/Part Time Senator Tom Coburn.

Boojum_Reborn December 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm

I don't know, but I saw two women making out in a parking lot today and wanted to get out of my car and join them…um…to celebrate civil rights!

Swampgas_Man December 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm

"Casual" lesbeenism? Blue jeans allowed?

BlueStateLibel December 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You couldn't even sell half that crap on a late-night infomerical. But let's try anyway and give it a cute name – how about "Forever Crappy?" For just $19.99 you get the leering Trump, but act now and we'll throw in the snarling Saruh Palin!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

So. Mission Accomplished?

Geminisunmars December 15, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I said it somewhere else, but still seems appropriate:

More like Mission Fizzled.

BarackMyWorld December 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I'm going to point out that we were at war with the Philippines from 1899–1913 (though Teddy Roosevelt declared the war over in 1902, fighting continued for another 11 years against Muslim insurgents and DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR), and didn't withdraw until after World War II.

Just saying.

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Don't we still have a base in the Philippines?

bureaucrap December 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm

We pretty much still have multiple bases EVERYWHERE (UK, Turkey, Germany, Italy, Bosnia, Kuwait, Kazakhstan, Khyrgyzstan, Australia, Korea, Japan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Cuba, Colombia… help me out here wonketeers, I know there are places I'm leaving out).

Invade and stay — it's the American way.

b[redact]opple December 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Ooh. Greece. Norway. Probably Bulgaria?

Numbat_Dundee December 15, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Just got a new one in Australia, just so Barry could visit here and Julia could stare dreamily at him when he addressed Parliament.

Sharkey December 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Canada? The Caribbean Islands? Someone's girlfriend's vagina?

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Nope, they kicked us out in 1991. Luckily, the Brits were very welcoming at Diego Garcia.

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Also moved a lot of stuff to Guam.
We do give the Brits an assload of money for that lease in DGar, whose nickname is "Footprint of Freedom, Armpit of Liberty."

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Lookit them beautiful B-52s on the ramp, ready to bomb Browns wherever they may be: http://g.co/maps/t8tf7

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:42 pm
chascates December 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm

The last decade is why we can't have nice things.

Swampgas_Man December 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm

All the bullshit economic games in the two decades before is why we can't have nice things.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 12:20 am

Also, last three decades. Also.

memzilla December 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm

On the plus side, the Rethuglican's "We Are The .001%" agenda has been fully exposed for the Koch-licking that it is. And their war on the poors, and the wimmenz, and the not-whites, and the middle class has been going on for over 30 years…

RadioYKWE December 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Memz, you are so right. If nothing else comes out of OWS — and I hope its not the end, but if nothing else the concept of the 1% has fully entered the lexicon. Even on the wingnut side, and they are so scared about it.

Sharkey December 15, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Agreed. Thanks to the protestors and their allies, you can now talk about this with your grandparents – and not sound like a druggie.

hagajim December 15, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Sad thing is, they seem to be #winning!

Joshua Norton December 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm

2 decades ago wingnuts were crack-pot outliers now they're the center of the party. Street theater and histrionics have become institutionalized.

Now-a-days a sex scandal just gives a wingnut candidate more gravitas.

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 4:27 pm

"Phustercluck"???
Ken must have hopped on the Tebow bandwagon. How nice.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:43 pm

♪♫ Tebowflect, Tebowflect ♫♪

ShitFilledExistence December 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Put some strategically placed numbers on that collage and it could become a very satisfying dartboard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Or a very creepy Advent Calendar.

Ken Layne December 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Wow … I could really ruin the last 13 days of my kids' Christmas Season by pasting this over the traditional Trader Joe's advent calendar box.

Baconzgood December 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm

HEY! On the bright side, Sarah fell off the planet, Michele's going to lose her seat. Trump looked like a huge idiot (even more than his usual idiot level) for the birther crap. America really is starting to hate the Tea-Party and people are protesting. All things considered it was a break even year.

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Some nice points there Bacon, but yesteday's institution of "martial law, whenever we feel like getting around to it," as well as all the other shit that the Kochs and their misanthropic brethren still seem to be getting away, I still think evil triumphed overall. This shit's a lot more serious than the amusing clown show implosions provided by sarahmicheledonald.

Baconzgood December 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Some people look at the glass half full. Others look at it half empty. I drink the vodka. It makes life easier.

chascates December 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

The Republicans look at the glass as theirs.

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

And the water, you layabout! What, you think you get the water for free? That's trust-fund water, dammit!

memzilla December 15, 2011 at 5:04 pm

I look at the glass half-full and ask "Who's pouring?"

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I look at it as the glass is empty and there's no beer in the house and I'm too sick to run to the beer store. Anybody interested in FedExing me some Anchor Steam or Black Butte Porter?

Added on: I could brew my own beer in the time it's taking Intense Debate to upload my comments and open up other peoples this afternoon.

Swampgas_Man December 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I look at the glass as twice as large as necessary, and I was kept offline all afternoon by a Windows update.

hagajim December 15, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I look at the glass as bone dry, with a cracked lip and a rimmer of shitstain. Yeah I guess in my book 2011 pretty much achieved a very high level of suck!

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Even if you're right, it's going to take a long time to fix the damage.

Swampgas_Man December 15, 2011 at 8:58 pm

And who's gonna fix it?

fuflans December 15, 2011 at 11:35 pm

HEY! On the bright side

who are you and what have you done with baconz?

also: michele is going to lose? really?

subsum December 15, 2011 at 4:29 pm

OK, now off to the next one.

Since one out of two Americans is a broke-ass hobo now we need a new war so we can send the poor to die for freedom and apple pie. That's about the only way we deal with poverty in this country. It has worked in the past and there's no reason for it not to work in the future.

Iran, anyone?

BlueStateLibel December 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I'll go for Iran too but only if there's a nice cozy draft (and no exemptions) to accompany it. Then we'll see some interesting stuff.

chascates December 15, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I say Saudi Arabia. They've got the oil, they're the most brutal regime in the Middle East, and I'm tired of reading about how those thousands of wealthy princes buy up all the cool shit.
DISCLAIMER: I would suggest we hire the poorz from India or someplace to do the actually dying instead of our own poorz.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Brilliant outsourcing!

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Saudi Arabia also just beheaded a woman for witchcraft, their second witchcraft execution this year.

NellCote71 December 15, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Sometimes, I wish we could do that here. . . .

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Who is on your witch list? Remember, Christine O'D is NOT a witch. She told us so.

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:03 pm

I'm feeling nostalgic – let's invade the South again, and this time, let's get it right! Think of all the jerbs that Reconstruction would create over the next 150 years. War profiteers could continue to enrich themselves, and our soldiers wouldn't be spending their dollars in strange foreign countries. The prison-industrial complex could go apeshit building dozens of Andersonvilles. And Barry could satisfy his jonesing for indefinite detention without trial for the next five years

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Afterwards, we could reintroduce the Jim Crow poll test, but this time only for white folk. Basic civics, and random topics such as: does the sun revolve around the earth or vice versa, and is The Flintstones a documentary?

memzilla December 15, 2011 at 5:05 pm

A war on Iran, closing the Persian Gulf, oil goes to $400 a barrel? Great Idea! … assuming you own oil company stocks…

lumpenprole December 15, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Thank goodness I'm almost forty. Lived through the Golden Age of the all volunteer military. Wars all the time, but plenty of room to be a slacker (if you don't mind ramen noodles and small apartments).

lefty74 December 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm

One man's junk is another man's treasure! Uh! Wait a second. Awh OK.

Joshua Norton December 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

One man's horsing around is another man's felony.

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Who is that crying man in the second row from the reader's left? I can't put my finger on his name, why is he famous?

***humming happily at work****

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

I think his daughter fell down a well or something.

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Or did he rape and murder a girl in 1992? Isn't that it?

Indiepalin December 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Headline of the day (Foxnews):

"Snakes Are High at Iowa GOP Debate"

bureaucrap December 15, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Even the wild animals are meth addicts out in middle amerika.

Generation[redacted] December 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Paging Samuel L. Jackson…

Mumbletypeg December 15, 2011 at 4:34 pm

turning off texting and mobile service was just a matter of a phone call

Actually, I'm bitterly disappointed this turned out not to be the year we became technologically advanced enough that I could 'turn off texting / mobile' devices of the distracted drivers I spot regularly around me.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm

They do still sell guns you know.

Wait, no, I mean spit-ball straws, not guns, spit-ball straws!!

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Ron Paul, making sense again, while going after Newtie:

There was one other issue I personally found annoying. He’s probably as aggressive with the military as anybody. He supports all the wars in Middle East. A thousand times more than if I would. But in the 1960s when he was drafted he got several deferments. He chose not to go. But he will send our kids to war. He said one person wouldn’t make a difference. He didn’t know how he could make a difference. I see that as important information. People should know that and it reflects on him.

If only he weren't wrong about everything but Perpetual War, Ron Paul would be a terrific candidate.
http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/12/ron-pau

Monsieur_Grumpe December 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I know what you mean. He's kind of like a million monkeys on a million typewriters.__

weejee December 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yep, Ron's nailed the bridge, but he is way off key with the verses and chorus.

BarackMyWorld December 15, 2011 at 4:49 pm

He also wants to end corporate welfare and audit the FED.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

And to end postal service, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, income tax, paper money, what little gun control we have, etc.But he does want to legalize marijuana! Oh and also crack, heroin, etc. The old coot’s nothing if not consistent.

BarackMyWorld December 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Nobody's perfect.

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm

He's also responsible for bringing the ever-odious Rand Paul into the world.

He has a lot to answer for.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:10 am

Under-fuckin'-statement of the year! lol

imissopus December 15, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Don't forget pasteurized milk. People dying of raw milk-based pathogens is just the invisible hand at work culling a few more consumers from the free market.

RadioYKWE December 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I guess Newt was to busy being a historian.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm

There was a time when being married got you out of the draft, but they closed that loophole. Then having children got you out, and the conception of one of Cheney’s spawn can be backwards counted to almost exactly the day that rule was announced.http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/chatterbox/2004/03/elizabeth_cheney_deferment_baby.htmlKing of the Chickenhawks.

RadioYKWE December 15, 2011 at 4:36 pm

We got Kirsten out of the deal, yeah.

Schmannnity December 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Good ole greed is back by popular demand for 2012.

coolhandnuke December 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Tonight, I will slide into my tight fitting leisure suit, strap in the cod piece and slow dance close and snug with USO girls to celebrate the end of War.
If i could afford them, I'd bring chocolates and nylons.

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:16 pm

And new rubbers rubber tires.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:13 am

Tonight, I will slide into my tight fitting leisure suit, strap in the cod piece and slow dance close and snug with USO girls to celebrate the end of War…If i could afford them. I'd bring chocolates and nylons.

/Fixed

johnnyzhivago December 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm

On the bright side, we can always remember our time with Kortney and feel relief that better broadband is coming soon!

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

And the blessedly short time we had to stare at David Brooks' fat puss.

arihaya December 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm

too bad Herb Cain is out of race, otherwise we can redirect our troops from Iraq to that war Uzbecki-becki-becki-stan-stan

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Well, we lost Riley, but we gained the phrase "tongue-punched fartbox." Is that a wash?

actor212 December 15, 2011 at 4:48 pm

My prediction: TIME Magazine's 2012 Person of the Year The Looter

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"The Cannibal"

Loaded_Pants December 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm

"The Looting Cannibal"?

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Or, better yet, "The torch bearing mob".

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Don't forget the pitchforks!

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:16 am

Always in the pocket of Big Deere, I see…

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 3:50 am

Does John Deere manufacture pitchforks? Otherwise, I'm baffled. (Not an unusual state.)

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

So, you're saying the Wall Street fat cat will be making a big comeback next year?

SayItWithWookies December 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Unless he's white, in which case it's The Forager.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:16 am

Hurricane Katrina reference FTW.

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 3:48 am

The Hobo Beans cannery worker?

SayItWithWookies December 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I am so looking forward to the vicious champagne hangover after this year is done — even that will be a sign that things are getting better. Not that 2012 won't be filled with lots of hard work, turning twitchy hair-trigger soldiers back into civilians, cutting off the Koch ivory towers at the knees, taking the stopper out of the giant cask of corporate grift so their zillions in hoarded wealth can be made useful, and fact-checking a stack of Bibles' worth of lies, distortions and slanders, among other things — but after three years of the America-hating socialist running things, there's a little bit of light peeping through the clouds.

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 5:08 pm

The one thing that could start 2012 off on the right foot would be to see Scott Walker get recalled by a resounding majority. And then see that weaselly little fuck give a speech saying that he was just trying to do the work that the Wisconsinites elected him to do.

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

And then watching him get run over by a truck.

fuflans December 15, 2011 at 11:39 pm

a PIG truck, ala 'slings and arrows'.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:22 am

Well, that goes without saying, though, it being Wisconsin, I'd prefer he be laid flat by a dairy cow in front of the capitol.

SayItWithWookies December 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Hell, the motherfucker didn't even do the things he campaigned on doing — not that I'm a Wisconsinite, but if he had, I think he would've said "But I promised I'd slash workers' rights and benefits, cut aid to schools, disenfranchise voters, demonize my opponents and generally make the economy worse in order to slash taxes for rich bastards, and you elected me, so why are you complaining?"
His was a typical Republican bait-and-fuckover campaign and he deserves whatever consequences come to him.

Biff December 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

You knew I was a republican snake when you voted for me…

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

If during that speech he cries harder than Beck, Boehner, and Santorum's child put together, it will be all the sweeter.

slowhansolo December 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I can't think about this shit. I have gifts to buy. And then return.

Extemporanus December 15, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Cheer up, America! There's always next ye…

Aww, fuck.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Let's face it Extemp, the 0.01 Percenters have traded all of us 99%ers to a call center in Manilla. The ones in Madras & Bangalore wouldn't bite.

meatlofer December 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Sarah Palin -2012 ,Fuck it the worlds gonna end anyway!

DemonicRage December 15, 2011 at 4:57 pm

How great to have a prosperous strategic ally in that part of the world, a democracy that is a beacon to all other nations. Oh, wait…….

Nostrildamus December 15, 2011 at 5:06 pm

"Everything must go" = "Caganer fest"

Blueb4sunrise December 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Given owls success with the hookworm conjecture, I'm inspired to try to start a new acronym, suitable for many occasions: TLSOTB.
Look for it in your next debate live blog. Or…….not.
http://www.retronaut.co/2011/01/toulouse-lautrec-

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Wow it was well worth expanding all the comments to find that. Ew.

elviouslyqueer December 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

because 2011 was the year when the citizens of Earth finally got up, took a good look around, and said, “Wow. This crap has got to stop..”

Louder, Ken, in case the GOP arbiters of utter and complete fucking FAIL "presidential candidates" didn't hear you over the batshit shrieking at their millionteenth debate.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Anyone else encountering posting problems where the "posting" icon goes into a foggy mist and seems to not post and then you get two? I ended-up with two identical postings in BarackMyWorld's thread above, while at weejee@IntenseDebate neither post shows. Did Ken forget to feed/pay the IT department?

flamingpdog December 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I've been having a hell of a time posting this afternoon – I think they sneaked SOPA in without us knowing ab

chascates December 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I had that. Figured my internet was wonky.

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 5:30 pm

All your posting icons, are belong to us.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Dear weejee:

IntenseDebate isn't called "IntenseDebate" because it is sweet and good-natured. Screw you!

Regards,
IntenseDebate

JackObin December 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

How about a war on stupidity? It will take years and countless billions, but no more daunting foe exists today.

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm

First beachhead – Fox News.

Generation[redacted] December 15, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Cry havoc! And let slip the erudite dogs of war.

Ducksworthy December 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I for one will miss the age of reason. Alas, the enlightenment was all to brief.

fartknocker December 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Ken, you forgot to put Kourtney on that montage.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 15, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Hack List 2011 – Alex Pareene

His reporters began trying to express to him how embarrassing he was being and how difficult he was making their jobs (“Times media editor Bruce Headlam and media columnist David Carr had an intervention with Keller to explain how his columns were hurting their ability to cover the industry,” New York says), which Keller, in classic hack style, took to mean that his columns had sparked “conversation,” making his efforts worthwhile and provocative instead of just stupid.
~

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Pareene's list of hacks contains many pleasures. What would he do if the Kaplan Post capitulated, though?

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

You know what really has to fucking go? "All of them, Katie," that's fucking what. Fucking seriously, a retarded 2008 puke-splot that just fucking screams, "I don't have anything funny to say. At. Fucking. All!"

Bury this hookworm-riddled stinking fish corpse of a 'meme' already. </grrr>

elviouslyqueer December 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Poopyhead.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Vitter's diaper…oh christ, I detest that one too!

Blueb4sunrise December 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm

All of them, Adolf?

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

You're Merciless.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

No, I am.

RavenRant December 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

In what respect, Charlie?

*ducks*

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm

*Throws shoe. Inaccurately*

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 3:46 am

Preparing to dodge your next shoe, while Secret Service agents close on your position.

Generation[redacted] December 15, 2011 at 6:36 pm

You know who else is sick of "All of 'em, Katie?"

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Me. Also.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:43 pm

T.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm

/ Applauds

PuckStopsHere December 15, 2011 at 7:32 pm

OK, but may I still say "cocksucker" anytime I want?

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 8:43 pm

You really should stop using the word "may" when the correct word is "must."

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:30 am

"That's what she said."

"Wait, which ones?"

"Oh, all of them, Katie."

Boo-yat! Eat owls! Eat it with a spoon!

elviouslyqueer December 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

OT, but Newtie appears to be giving lie to the old Whatever happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas canard.

chascates December 15, 2011 at 5:57 pm

I wonder if Newtie has a Bill Bennett-style wagering problem? He shouldn't bet on getting the nomination.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Who the fuck is that guy? I thought all the original Munchkins had died off.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Newt's next bold initiative:
Federally-subsidized hypersonic jet/rocket travel to Las Vegas!
Or: a mega-casino in DC, because after all it's an enclave not contained in any state!
Or: legalized gambling nationwide, with (because it's so efficient) a licensed single vendor selected by a full and open competition, in which every prospective vendor must be named something like "Sheldon."

Biff December 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Love the typo in the picture caption stating $20billion instead of million.
Adelson founded a hospice that has an outpost out near where I live; people think of him rather warmly. If they only knew.

chascates December 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

From http://www.iowagop.org/debates/siouxcity.php:

7 Hours until the #IowaDebate here in Sioux City!! Tweet questions you'd like to hear with #IowaCaucus 3 hours ago

It looks like Fox News will be streaming tonight's 'clown knife-fight' as the Wonkette Overlords so aptly described it.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Linky no workie. Probably got too many unemployment checks.

Blueb4sunrise December 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Oui!
TLSOTB!

chascates December 15, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Weird! Just like Iowa. Found this: http://twitter.com/IowaGOP

TWEET THE QUESTIONS YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR!!!!

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Dear IowaGOP,

Why is Uncle Ken so angry all the time?

Love,
User O.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

In my market (San Diego) Faux News Channel is streaming this torrent of hate-filled sputum into your home tonight, if you're one of the elite with cable.

weejee December 15, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Is Faux Newz "live streaming" like the Rangoon Coolie's disease, that you pick up at that quaint restaurant when trekking in SE Asia? That's where the shit not only hits the fan, it hits the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and places you didn't even know you had places.

V572 the Merciless December 15, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Not if you don't watch!

But you gotta watch.

Sharkey December 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Hey Ken, you forgot the… oh wait… there it is.

hagajim December 15, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Why not say Eh, Fuck It! They've all given us the big Fuck You! BTW – who is the horribly unattractive woman in the photo (middle right)? I seem to recall seeing her somewhere, but I can't recall where. How fleeting fame is I guess.

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

On the upside, it appears irony has come back from the dead. Just above a Ken-pocalyptica-post, our cute petro-rapist friends are inviting me to, "Find out more about Shell's plans in Alaska."

Honestly, Shell? Unless your plans in Alaska include recreating a famous pre-Thanksgiving news clip, but reversing the roles of doomed turkey and half-term grifter, well, your "Let's Go!" rings hollow to me.

Blueb4sunrise December 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm

not totally worthless….a 12 y.o. named a ship……they have animation of how awesomely they will respond to a spill ….AND a fun way to send Shell a holiday present:

Next week, U.S. Dept of the Interior (DOI) officials will be in cities across the Gulf Coast & Alaska, as well as Washington, DC, to accept comments on the Draft Programmatic Environmental Impact Statement for the Proposed 2012-2017 OCS Oil & Gas Leasing Plan. Your attendance and participation is needed!

Your participation is strongly encouraged.

Biff December 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Worst name for a ship ever!

user-of-owls December 15, 2011 at 8:40 pm

No Turkey Grinder, No Peeks!

chascates December 15, 2011 at 7:09 pm

I'm assuming some of those 54,000 jobs created will include removing oil from seabirds, cleaning up pipeline spills, and delivering money to congresspersons.

DerrickWildcat December 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

2012 will be a pretty good year.

Soylent Green December 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Can you save just a little Cheney-shaped spot on that graphic for me? The years not over yet.

finallyhappy December 15, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Another debate? didn't we just have a debate? I will not watch. And maybe I will bake gingerbread while watching Miracle on 34th Street- and YES, I am Jewish. And I cry every single time Kris Kringle speaks Dutch(but not when the stupid commercial for Rosetta stone Santa speaks German)

Walkinwiddaking December 15, 2011 at 6:57 pm

"and now we’re just doing vodka shots and eating oysters with some hot USO gal we met at Penn Station,"

Hey man, this is 2011, you're in the shower at Happy Valley with Jerry Sandusky at Penn State.

Tundra Grifter December 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm

"…now we’re just doing vodka shots and eating oysters with some hot USO gal we met at Penn Station, or whatever people are supposed to do when wars are won."

VJ day in San Francisco turned out to be a major riot. Not a laff riot – a real riot. Worst between the General Strike in the 1930's (when the police attacked the longshoremen) and the early 1980's when the 9'ers beat the Cowboys.

Not the recommended way to celebrate the end of war.

ttommyunger December 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm

I blame our facile, corporate-owned Media for not only the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but for enabling our progression into full blown Fascism. You know who you are.

tribbzthesquidz December 15, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Operation Shock and Dismay

fuflans December 15, 2011 at 11:43 pm

for me, the ricks and the scotts are the things that must go.

and i'm thinking they will too.

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 4:09 am

I like your optimism! Optimism – rarely encountered on Wonkette in these times.

There are indications that America is not entirely brain dead, and may actually be noticing obvious things. Yay!?!

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:35 am

I am so anticipating next year. 2010 was the Empire Strikes back, and 2012 is going to be Return of the Jedi if I have anything to say about it.

/nerd

GOPCrusher December 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Oh, I'm sure the Tea Baggers will claim that Sheriff Joe is just an Obama political prisoner.

Blueb4sunrise December 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's too horrible !!!!!!!!!!!!
Dog help us all!!!!!!!

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 1:07 am

But, Sarah has never denied it, so…and nor has Tom Tancredo denied that he is a warlock. So many choices; so much time.

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 4:04 am

Sarah did have the power of witchcraft exorcised from her in a Wasilla church ceremony.

This is one of the incidents that made me fear the end of the enlightenment was upon us.

Negropolis December 16, 2011 at 7:19 am

I sure hope they do/did, or my joke doesn't work as literally as I'd like it to.

RavenRant December 16, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Got it! Finally. I'm a little slow, sometimes.

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