JUST LIKE HOW JESUS RUNS GRAVITY  5:40 pm December 14, 2011

Bill O’Reilly Not Sure Who Runs U.S. Military, Maybe Moon Monsters?

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Good god, this is what we get for having already posted something early-ish about the collective negative IQ of the radioactive mutant cow chips employed at Fox News and then figuring we were done hearing about them for the day. Ugh. So, Bill O’Reilly, who controls the U.S. military? (“Relevant” part starts at 1:20.) Is it possibly the United States government, as denoted by the initials “U.S.” right before the name of the military and Article Two of the Constitution? Nah, sayeth the loofah dragon, can’t be, more likely it’s the same guys who run the country “Pentagon.” Huh. Well, this at least explains why the government can cut billions of dollars from the social safety net without touching the defense budget, because apparently they aren’t even funding them!

Alan Colmes, surely there are other lucrative media jobs that do not involve arguing with a hot turd:

O’Reilly replied: “The [government] can’t run the military because it’s military controlled, not civilian.”

“That’s government run, it’s still the government doing it,” Colmes countered.

“But the Pentagon calls the shots,” he said.

“But the commander-in-chief is a civilian, the government runs the military well,” Colmes insisted.

“That is wrong,” O’Reilly said. “The Pentagon calls the shots on how the military operates. The Pentagon is military people.”

“That’s the government,” Colmes said. “It’s the government, it’s still the government.”

O’Reilly concluded: “They work for and the government running it are two different things.”

Speaking of the government “not running” the military, we hear Barack Obama finally agreed not to veto the Department of Defense authorization bill after lawmakers agreed to make changes, maybe to the batshit insane part that grants the U.S. military power to indefinitely and forever and ever detain without trial citizens who seem fishy? Let’s check the AP report:

“We took significant steps to address the administration’s concerns,” Rep. Adam Smith of Washington state, the top Democrat on the House panel, told reporters.

The legislation would deny suspected terrorists, even U.S. citizens seized within the nation’s borders, the right to trial and subject them to indefinite detention. The lawmakers made no changes to that language.

Nope! The administration’s “concerns” do not extend to its own citizens. Enjoy Gitmo, everybody! [Raw Story/ AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 189 comments }

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Bill dose not even know how the tides work!

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Really Bill? So the pentagon calls the shots and we all live in a military dictatorship?Dumb,Dumb,dumb.

LettucePrey December 14, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Um, they aren't tides, they are the rise and fall of sea levels caused by the gravitational forces exerted by the moon against the earth's rotation! Gah! Libruls!!!!

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Bill O, thinks it's the magic of the Lard.

PuckStopsHere December 15, 2011 at 8:18 am

Gravity is just a theory. Duh.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:27 pm

It's simple: the tides are ordered to roll in & out by the Pentagon & the Moon. Therefore, we must cut the Moon out of the federal budget. Why is the Moon relying on welfare paid for by the taxes from hard-working American'ts?

Salacious Crumb December 14, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Bill has been dosed. That explains everything.

Bonghits4Jesus December 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Even sadder, Loofah Boy does not know how to use a loofah or how to eat a falafel.

Pragmatist2 December 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm

"And," Bill continued "the crazy wingnuts don't run Fox News. It's the shareholders."

MrFizzy December 14, 2011 at 5:46 pm

All that makeup is good cover for his lobotomy scars.

MathIsHard December 14, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Drones go in, Pakistani civilians go safely out, never a miscommunication.

Wait, what?

jus_wonderin December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

If my history serves me, the Moon Monsters did a terrible job of running the military when they had control…control…control…….

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:29 pm

What I want to know is did the Moon Monsters give us our flag back? And did they help stage that first moon landing?

Sassomatic December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

The Pentagon is run by Lizard People.

horsedreamer_1 December 14, 2011 at 6:59 pm

V is real! Run for your life!

meatlofer December 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm

That is exactly why God invented Whiskey!!!!!! To keep the Irish from ruleing the World.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Whiskey & Irish Libel!

DaRooster December 15, 2011 at 9:33 am

So I'll never be Preznit?

JackObin December 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I'll bet fellow Harvard retard Georgie Bush knows the answer. Why, it's the baby jesus who runs the pentagon.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm

That's why you need to take all toys away from stupid, stupid babies.

Jukesgrrl December 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm

And his sons, Walker and Texas Ranger.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm

So, do we have to wait for someone to get disappeared before hauling this POS law to the Supreme Court for incineration? Even Scalia would rip these cretins a new asshole over this one.
Then again, it's sort of hard to challenge a law when you're locked up in Southern North Dakotastan without a lawyer, so maybe wer're just fucked.

FlownOver December 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm

First they came for the fucked, but I was not yet fucked, so I did nothing…

horsedreamer_1 December 14, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I can't wait for the joint Mexican-Brazilian-Cuban operation to dislodge the North American junta. It might take out Stephen Harper, too, since I am sure his Canadian Falange will be supporting ours.

dadanarchist December 14, 2011 at 7:06 pm

The truly ghoulish part is that unless you are one of the disappeared, you probably don't have "standing" to contest this law; and of course, if you've been disappeared into some FreedomGulag(TM), you aren't really going to be able to contact a lawyer and contest your detention, now are you.

OneDollarJuana December 14, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Look, it's my understanding that the DFA parts that allow the Army to lasso terrist Muslins at Wally World DO NOT APPLY to US citizens and legal residents on US soil. So I'm not too concerned that Obama will "ask" for me to be hauled off to the hoosegow by some pimply-faced Alabamian recruit with "Semper FI" and the cross tattooed on his dick. HOWEVER, I can surely understand the folks' trepidation at the passing of the DFA, because, legal or not (not) Bush had Jose Padilla locked up and convicted on mostly bogus charges, and allowed the Telecoms to listen in on every sweaty phone-sex call. Obama has taken the phone from W and, in between dirty talk and moans had an American citizen assassinated without trial. With the current occupant of the White House (who I mostly support) continuing and strengthening the Unconstitutional "Patriot" Act, it is perfectly normal that paranoid people (persons who pay a little attention to reality and can resist checking for tweets for more than five seconds) might get the idea that B.O.'s protection of individual freedoms is a bit lax.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 1:46 am

Wishful thinking.

"The requirement to detain a person in military custody under this section does not extend to citizens of the United States."

The REQUIREMENT doesn't apply… but they can still do it. That's no protection if you have an administration and DOJ run by paranoid right-wing assholes (I"m looking at you, Alberto Gonzales.)

Native_of_SL_UT December 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Oh, OK. Won't haul in American citizens then it's OK. Except that it may be terribly difficult to prove your a US citizen if you're locked away somewhere without access to the the proof.
I can see it now.
Terrorist: "But I'm a US citizen!"
Guard: "Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say."

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

What does GI stand for again?

Sassomatic December 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Gastro Intestinal

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm

In the immortal words of Tiny Tim, "God bless esophagus, every one."

jus_wonderin December 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Goes ung tyke!

horsedreamer_1 December 14, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Santorum, again?

Callyson December 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Gonna Implode

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Give In.

Guppy December 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Gross Incompetence.

Steverino247 December 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Government Issued. OK, so I'm pedantic. Sue me!

LiveToServeYa December 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

Gee – I dunno.

Native_of_SL_UT December 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Guantanamo Incarcerator?

ManchuCandidate December 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Moonites!

Wilcoxyz December 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Joint Chiefs? You mean Indians run that thing? Like a casino?

V572 the Merciless December 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm

In this respect: you always lose.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Native Americans sucking down weed.

horsedreamer_1 December 14, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Obama is a figurehead. Robert Parish is the black President.

mayor_quimby December 14, 2011 at 7:33 pm

He was the original Smoking Chief, how high do have to be to want to be the black guy in Boston? But he obviously was the man, since he never got busted by the sweet Bahston PD

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:15 pm

When the oldest player in the NBA is twisting a fatty, it tells you about all you need to know about that.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:15 pm

FTW! That's some great Celtics knowledge right there! And to think our Warriors coulda had him, along with Kevin McHale…

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Hey now! Hey now!

Iko, iko away,

I don't care what the Big Chief say…

RadioYKWE December 14, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Jack Abramoff wasn't in the government either.

JudasPeckerwood December 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Pentagons are people, my friend.

stopthemovie December 14, 2011 at 5:53 pm

" I'am the slime oozing out of your TV set"

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm

So that's why my $19 82" HDTV from Crap-Mart has been leaking pus?

trondant December 14, 2011 at 10:43 pm

"Mitt's 10 grand bet didn't matter no more / when Perry got naked and laid on the floor"

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 8:21 am

"don't call for help, no one will heed you."

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm

And what's more Bill, if you're not vigilant, someday the federal government's gonna be running the whole damn country.

jus_wonderin December 14, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I didn't watch the video but in the still/splash that dude looks like an aged David Cassidy. I can feel his heart beat and he didn't even say a word.

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

That's what happens to smart-but-foolish liberals on FOX News — they just waste away.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

He's been wasting away for a while. Like a slow-motion Nazi who opened the "Ark of the Covenant".

fartknocker December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

My head hurts after listening to that nonsense. He's not a Patriot – he is a Pinhead.

Generation[redacted] December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

The government can't possibly run the military, because everything the government does is bad! Military Good! Government Bad! Argle bargle!

jus_wonderin December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Argle bargle! for the win!!!

Generation[redacted] December 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Derp.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Derple Berple! as well.

ManchuCandidate December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Shhh… don't tell Bill that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus doesn't exist.

Geminisunmars December 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

They doesn't?

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Also, don't tell him Easter Claus and Santa Bunny don't exist. He's still not convinced they don't control the tides.

poncho_pilot December 14, 2011 at 9:09 pm

shit! he just promoted Santa to Field Marshal in The Christmas Wars.

Indiepalin December 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

O'Reilly's predilections make Newt look like Captain Kangaroo.

Nostrildamus December 14, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Newt already looks like Captain Kangaroo.
And Rick Santorum is Mr. Brown Jeans.

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

And Sarah Palin is Mrs. Moose. (Hey, women's rights and all that!)

imissopus December 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

The scariest part of that AP story to me is where the writer claims that Congress might have enough votes to override a veto. Really? Two-thirds of our representatives are okay with this thing? What douchebags.

EDIT: I see from Jr.'s piece on the Wonkwire that it passed the House 245-169. So, far short of two-thirds. That's still 169 douchebags too many, though.

Rotundo_ December 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Bill seems to be on his way to becoming America's goofy assed notional uncle who really has no clue of the workings of anything, but Uncle Bill has lots of "wisdom" to share with anyone who is in earshot, much to their dismay. Fox News is becoming the kids table of the news media.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:52 pm

To be fair, he got his major break back in the day when he was on one of those crappy "tabloid TV" shows. What was it: "Hard Copy" or "A Current Affair"? "A Current Crap" or "Hard Shittings"? Maybe it was the one where Deborah Norville had to blow someone to get a job after she got kicked off "The Today Show".

fuflans December 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm

this is why bill shouldn't do it live.

Geminisunmars December 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm

this is why bill shouldn't live.

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm

There would be a lot more truth if he did it dead.

Steverino247 December 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Nor should he "fuck it!"

Callyson December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

BillO telling people that "when you're having these debates, you've got to be reasonable" is like:
A. Newt Gingrinch giving marital advice
B. Sarah Palin naming her top five news sources
C. Rick Santorum speaking about the importance of diversity
D. Rick Perry remembering three cabinet departments
E. All of 'em, Katie…

Geminisunmars December 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Rush Lymphfat decrying drug use.
Herman Cain espousing fidelity.
Mitch McConnell giving beauty tips.

LettucePrey December 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Ben Affleck giving acting lessons.
Lady GaGa wearing a taupe pantsuit with sensible shoes.
The Dalai Lama saying "Eh, fuck it. I'm going shopping."

Crank_Tango December 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Hitler?

Tommmcattt December 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Win!

Also, where the fuck have you been lately?

RadioYKWE December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Must be part of his "umbrella policy."

Nostrildamus December 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

collective negative IQ of the radioactive mutant cow chips employed at Fox News

Radioactive cow chips are brighter.

TeaNuts December 14, 2011 at 6:28 pm

collective negative IQ of the radioactive mutant cow chips employed at Fox News

As a representative of the Cow Chip Collective, we resent this remark!

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Radioactive cow chips, like Fox News talking points reproduced on glossy paper, shine yet stink.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:59 pm

And contribute more to public discourse.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 9:38 pm

"Radioactive cow chips are brighter."

And more attractive, and better-smelling…

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 1:51 am

Of course radioactive cow chips are brighter — they glow in the dark.

Fawkdifiknow December 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

If the government isn't running the military, why the fuck are they giving so many of my tax dollars to them?

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 7:01 pm

To pay for all those fabulous colorful outfits that they wear when they're killing people!

DerrickWildcat December 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Bill certainly knew. The Liberals photoshopped the video to make it look like he was dumb. Bill will explain to everyone how he is right and the Liberals are wrong during his Talking Points memo tonight. I guarantee you.

Mahousu December 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Soldiers go in, body bags come out. You can't explain it.

Actually, he's right. Most of the time, I can't.

Generation[redacted] December 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

It's like Reagan said. The scariest thing is when a soldier walks up to you and says, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

Guppy December 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm

And then the black bag goes over your head.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Sheesh. Normal Liberals making fun of FOX News just because you can't handle the truth.

Anyone who watches FOX News knows that Dick Cheney folded the Military into Haliburton so that he could keep control of it after 2008. You don't really think our proud soldiers, sailors and Marines would continue to serve in a military run by a black Kenyan Muslim who wants them all to engage in the buttsex, do you?

DerrickWildcat December 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

By the way, I don't want any of you hippies disparaging Sergeant Major Bill O'Reilly's honorable service!
That's right. While you hippies were smoking your purple haze and snorting the brown acid at your weird little disgusting love-ins, Sgt Major "Howlin Mad" O'Reilly was was hip deep in snake infested swamps stringing Claymore Mines from Da Nang to Hanoi just so you could be free to giggle and blow bubbles with unicorns and daffodils. This country owes that man much more than we can ever repay!

TeaNuts December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Dude you lost me at "acid".

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Bill O'Reilly = war hero! He won the Vietnam War with nothing but a loofah & a leer on his face. All those other soldiers who got their limbs blown off were just cowardly pussies!

RadioYKWE December 14, 2011 at 7:34 pm

This must be a different Bill O'Reilly. Chickenhawks fly in and chickenhawks certainly fly out, you can't explain it.

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Didn't he get spit on?

OneYieldRegular December 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Silly me. I thought that Exxon-Mobil, Lockheed and GE ran the military.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Oil/Weapons Manufacturer/War Profiteers Libel! Hope you enjoy your cell in Git' Mo.

bflrtsplk December 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Hey Billo, howditgitdere?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

The even more interesting thing is that earlier in the segment, Bill complained about how the Government can't even run the Postal Service well. And the Postal Service is even more independent than the military.

All of which makes me suspect that Bill O' will demand that Alan Colmes be arrested.

Generation[redacted] December 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Alan Colmes arrested? The military can do that now. They don't even need a reason.

Guppy December 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

You know, if we could just mail cluster munitions to PakiAfghanistan, suddenly the Postal Service wouldn't have any financial problems at all.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Little known fact – we haven't had an inflation problem since 2008 because Mr. Obama turned it over to the US Postal Service.

It immediately slowed to a crawl.

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Bill O's mental development was arrested 60 years ago.

OneYieldRegular December 14, 2011 at 6:50 pm

It's like, you know, why do they call it FED-ex if it's not the government? Answer me that one, will ya? Hunh?

RadioYKWE December 14, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Just imagine if anyone with more backbone than Colmes mentioned that the Military is pure Socialism. He might open his umbrella in Colmes mouth.

randomsausage December 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

I know it's a bit off-topic but Fox News' endless supply of blond MILF Reichmaidens sure turn me on: Kinder, Kuche, Kirche, Kock!

Steverino247 December 14, 2011 at 6:45 pm

The less we know about how randomsausage gets laid, the better people will sleep at night.

e_z December 14, 2011 at 7:07 pm

what, no mention of the family surname, Kunt?

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Fem-dom fetish?

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 12:17 am

Reichmaidens

Oh boy. That was some top-shelf snark, right there.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Yes, Federal government health care can't work – even though between the US Military and medicare it currently operates over half of the health care industry.

The VA provides extraordinary medical care, we have the world's best military (and the coffee mugs to prove it) – yet the government can't get anything right.

Perhaps Bull O'Really? was in combat after all. He's beginning to exhibit signs of PTSD.

Geminisunmars December 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Only if PTSD = Alzheimers.

Steverino247 December 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm

The military and the VA do indeed provide extraordinary medical care. It will take years before your local ER can do for trauma what they can do now. And in hot, dusty places full of bad guys, no less.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm

STO247:

While people are literally (as Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity would say) taking pot shots at them.

dadanarchist December 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

He's beginning to exhibit signs of PTSD.

During the War on Christmas, Bill-O was in the shit. He saw things, man. Terrible things.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

DDAC:

You mean the time he saw that dude boiled in his own pudding, then buried with a stake of holly in his heart?

It was years before he could even talk about it.

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 12:18 am

I wouldn't recommend it.

Angry_Marmot December 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I think it's the spirochetes he picked up in Puntang.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 9:50 pm

"we have the world's best military … yet the government can't get anything right."

That's because, according to O'Falafel, the government doesn't run the military, the Pentagon does. This way, he can continue to fellate "the troops" without having to stop pretending that all the government does is give away tax dollars to lazy freeloaders. If he weren't such a thoroughly loathsome person, I'd almost have to admire his powers of rationalization.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 6:27 pm

The Pentagon is run by Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Cool eyepatch too, like the guy in the Hathaway shirt ads.

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Can't wait to see that clip on the Daily Show. Bill must write his own material.Happy Holidays John Stewart !

LettucePrey December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

"We here at Fox News aren't a propaganda machine, we're a one-note, overheated, fear-driven noise machine. That is completely different."

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm

OT, o leafy one, but every time you post and I see your avatar, I wanna go find a cash machine.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Next time, Bull, could you please pontificate a bit more?

Oh – you're right. Guess you couldn't. That time you were at 100%.

Geminisunmars December 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

He's at Faux, so he could go for 146%.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I've seen that graph on the tv and I must agree with you!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Looking over Media Matters, FOX News has finally explained why Mitt Romney is not doing well with the GOP: http://mediamatters.org/blog/201112140015?frontpa

Mort_Sinclair December 14, 2011 at 6:39 pm

How do you spell Bill O'Reilly's name? B-L-O-V-I-A-T-E

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I know that Booz Allen Hamilton (big throbbing mega-contractor) runs the part of the Air Force where I work.

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Is that his fucking name? He must be one solid asshole.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

What is the Department of Defense, anyway? Some lawyery thing, I suppose.

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Bill likes to kick back naked except for his Aluminum foil hat,denying the Moon Landing.

dadanarchist December 14, 2011 at 6:52 pm

The cognitive dissonance literally caused what was left of Bill O'Reilly's brain to melt-down on live TV.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Romney saying that men should only have one wife at a time?

FlownOver December 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Anyone else having "jumping around" problems with this post? Can't see the video (big white space) and every few seconds the page snaps back to the same portion.

[snark therefore deferred]

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

You ate the brown acid, didn't you?

horsedreamer_1 December 14, 2011 at 7:06 pm

David Letterman & Allen Ginsburg still want to know if the Pentagon will float.

rocktonsam December 14, 2011 at 7:11 pm

the moon monsters fought its enemies with umbrellas

Guppy December 14, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Oh, I see his problem now. He's conflating the DoD with Academi (or whatever Blackwater is calling themselves).

mavenmaven December 14, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Because who runs Fox news? Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal. So perhaps he actually does know who actually runs the military.

Bluestatelibel December 14, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Wow, old Loofah sponge REALLY made himself look like a moronic fool in that one. Yeah, I never knew civilians could just draft your ass whenever they felt like it into their army, think about it, dumbshit Bill.

owhatever December 14, 2011 at 7:28 pm

The Marine guard said to President Lyndon Johnson, "Your helicopter is ready, sir."

Lyndon Johnson replied, "They're ALL my helicopters, son."

Study that for a while, Brillo. You might get the point.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 10:01 pm

LBJ would crush Bill like the insect that he is.

BarackMyWorld December 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Bill probably thinks the Secretary of Defense gets the coffee and does the typing.

rocktonsam December 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm

and iron my shirt also

Millennial Malaise December 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

“They work for and the government running it are two different things.”

Ugh, the confidence of this douchebag. I wish I were as confident as BillO so I could say plainly contradictory statements, on the record, without a shred of hesitation, acknowledgement or shame.

Oh and when I go to work tomorrow, I'll be sure to remind my boss that I might work for her, but she doesn't run shit.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

M2:

Often wrong but, obviously, never in doubt.

smitallica December 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I love how she dismisses the Health Care bill as "Socialized Medicine" as a total knee-jerk talking-point regurgitation when O'Reilly mentions it.

It's not socialized medicine, no matter how many times you say it. You Nazi cunt.

johnnyzhivago December 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

OK, lets start arresting Republicans!!!

Jukesgrrl December 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I think it's a miracle someone with mad cow disease can speak as well BillO does.

ShitFilledExistence December 14, 2011 at 8:41 pm

G.I. stands for 'Gorgon Issue'.

Chillwaver December 14, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Just accept it, Bill-o: you just can't stand the fact that it's a Black guy the one who "calls the shots."

Walkinwiddaking December 14, 2011 at 9:13 pm

So, fill me in. Is he banging the sister-in-law or just a punching bag for Fox News?

Walkinwiddaking December 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Or, for him both and some kinda dream come true?

MiniMencken December 14, 2011 at 9:52 pm

The military iz run by the Chooz und the bicycle riders. I no this, and I dare you to print it in your Wonkette newspaper!

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 10:01 pm

He's wrong, obviously. The military is run by Chuck Norris.

littlebigdaddy December 14, 2011 at 10:57 pm

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!!!!

GregComlish December 14, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Dude, what if like the Pentagon was like just one government, but if you got outside of it you could see it was just part of another government?? And like even though the Pentagon is an unimaginably big government, this other government was like way bigger?? And sometimes shit happening in the big government would effect the Pentagon but we would have no way of knowing if it even existed

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 7:35 am

Snort!

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 7:46 am

Dude! You're, like, utterly blowing my mind! You're, like, all out in the ether and some shit.

**stares into the distance as eyes glaze over into euphoria…**

BaldarTFlagass December 15, 2011 at 8:17 am

You do a lot of acid, Greg, back in the hippie days?

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

Not much a fan of Alan, but the look on his face is priceless.

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 12:21 am

Well, he is kind of technically right. The Pentagon does act like it is its own government much of the time. That kind of happens when you give a single department of government a building that big on the other side of the river. Talk about isolation.

BarackMyWorld December 15, 2011 at 2:06 am

I think we need to examine your definition of "technically."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 7:36 am

Kind of like the Patent Office… yeah, I see what you mean.

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 7:42 am

It doesn't seem to matter who the president is, Defense and Justice, in particular, are a world onto themselves.

Oh, and yes, Bill O'Reilly is moron of epic proportions. If the word "technically" isn't clear enough and it's sticking in your craw, replace it with "unintentionally" and see if that works.

Warpde December 15, 2011 at 1:38 am

Well Bill, at least we know it's not the Moon.
Bill O’Reilly, = stupidity at it's finest.

BarackMyWorld December 15, 2011 at 2:04 am

In case we didn't already know…CONSERVATIVES BELIEVE A LOT OF REALLY DUMB THINGS.

bagofmice December 15, 2011 at 2:12 am

GI reporting for duty, sir!
What does the G stand for?
I don't know.

For reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_7yeUgXCfI&fe

mercianomad December 15, 2011 at 4:53 am

But, but…The military can't be run by the government because it's run by the military, which can't be run by the government because it's run by the military, which can't be run by the government because it's run by the military, which can't…etc

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 7:32 am

Dunno, but we should pick one, send Billo there, give him a radio show where he spouts his idiocy to the public, and see if he notices the difference.

El Pinche December 15, 2011 at 8:38 am

It's like watching Spock debating with Jeff Dunham's old guy puppet.

DaRooster December 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

He actually said, "… when you have these debates you have to be reasonable…"

When have you ever been reasonable… with any debate… ever?

LiveToServeYa December 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

Well, thank Plastic Jeebus we have a country whose military is totally in control of itself and not subject to the whims of lousy civilians.

Sacanagem December 15, 2011 at 11:29 am

The Aristrocrats!

spareme December 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Makes one wonder how these politicians faux news reporters ever graduated from law school, college, highschool, grade school, kindergarten anything.

ndisang67 December 15, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Wonders shall never end. Oreilly says he wants government to have government clinics are people are treated for free..enh?. Does he really want the hippies and hobos to get free treatment when they are done Occupying?

ttommyunger December 15, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Wasn't the blonde that Monica Crowley cunt? Man, the air in the studio that night must have been rank: her breath still smells like Nixon's dick, Alan's smelled like Sean Insanity's sack and of course, Bill-O's just smelled like ass.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

By Jove, I think you're right!! It's only been 40 years since I read those comics, things get a bit fuzzy.

Crank_Tango December 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm

ahh, my plan to head to Florida with a ring fell apart so I lost my mind and quit drinking and everything else fun for a little while or forever hahaha, headed to SF with the cats, hiding out in the tenderloin…thanks for asking tho!

Neilist_Returns December 14, 2011 at 11:56 pm

You need to keep up on your history. Accordingly to the last Iron Man movie, Nick Fury is a NEGRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SayItWithWookies December 15, 2011 at 3:04 am

Good to see you again — and here's a little something to brighten your day: Tom Waits doing Better off without a Wife.

Tommmcattt December 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm

OOOh, the tenderloin! Drop by the Eagle for me and say "hi" to the guys. Just don't wear a handkerchief in your left back pocket.

…And feel better, brother. The worst is not, So long as we can say, 'This is the worst."

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