A long time ago, when amoral sperm whale Newt Gingrich was simultaneously banging another extramarital bimbo and prosecuting Bill Clinton for an extramarital sexytime, Newt was also deeply in love with Palestinian heartthrob Yasser Arafat.
In this newly rediscovered Facebook iPhone photo from the 1990s, Newt is seen tenderly holding Arafat’s hands and (we’re pretty sure) trying in vain to slip a Tiffany silver whore ring on Arafat’s pinky– Gingrich never goes anywhere without a pocket full of layaway Tiffany silver whore rings, in case he meets anybody he wants to suck him off while he’s married to someone else.
But Arafat, being a man of some convictions and standards, said no to the pear-shaped American hair bear. And ever since, Gingrich has been tearfully insisting that the entire Palestinian nation doesn’t exist, because it is dead to him now. (Also, Newt Gingrich is a wingnut shit-for-brains who would literally level the United States with nuclear bombs if Israel and/or Iowa told him to.) [The Economist]
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Gotta admit. They do make a cute couple.
Not as cute as Donny Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein.
DOUBLE DATE!!!
But nobody is hotter than these two: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_JIxtZ0JeqqU/TTevci_KLjI...
BBT:
Tell 'em to get a room!
(Languid bossa nova trumpet plays "The Look Of Love")
More jowls than a puppy convention…
They must have met at the annual Palestinian Bear Convention–where Newt was going to speak as a "historian".
When I was but a wee bairn, I had an imaginary friend named Alfie. I treated it pretty well. No pictures exist, unfortunately. I just hope that Newt treats his imaginary friends well.
Enough with the foreplay, kiss him already! Than go pick out something nice for him at Lowe's.
i've long held the same opinion regarding the legendary "compassionate conservative"
Does this mean Newt does or does not have AIDS?
(I always was surprised the stories about Arafat's love of the menfolk never got traction on Wonkette.)
I dunno…just by looking at the sites in the google search, I can maybe understand why
https://www.google.com/search?q=arafat+was+gay&am...
The story was promulgated by a defector from the Romanian Securitatea. That's all I know. Heard about it from a friend from my Peace Corps stint in Romania, after he had read from the defector as part of a graduate school curriculum (that followed my friend's own time in PC-Ro).
Woo Woo!
Thats the picture of sessy right there. I'm off to fap now!
I believe Newt Gingrich is an invented person who doesn't really exist.
Invented people are people, my friend.
The most important invented person in Newt's life is Callista. Amalgamated Robotics has many valuable patents on her almost life-like appearance.
Newt is an invented person. LIke the Pillsbury Doughboy. Exactly like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
"Callista. Amalgamated Robotics has many valuable patents on her almost life-like appearance"
I understand they're made in a basement in Stepford, CT.
Invented person? Cripes, if only his parents had had the foresight to use a condom and make him a prevented person.
If only.
Until he incorporated, so now we're stuck with the person Newt.
But, then, how do you explain all the pain and suffering in the world?
Arafat is definitely the better looking of the two.
Even now.
In defiance to all the principles of logic and mathematics, neither one of them is the better looking of the two.
I smell a Manchurian Candidate, how do we know he’s not a sleeper agent. The whole adoption thing might just be a cover for his radical birth parents.
More like a "Feeder/Adulterer/Grifter Agent"
If they ever introduce democracy to Manchuria the voters will have a hard time deciding who to vote for,
What does a Manchurian Candidate smell like? If it's Newty, probably flatulence and Calista's post-blow job breath.
If you or your people want to be written into history, well, that involves strategic consulting worth about $25K-$30K per month on retainer. Or $1.6 million over roughly 8 years.
When Newt looks at that photo, he sees himself just standing there with his hand extended and thinks, "what the hell was this photo op even for?".
Newt's double-chin has a double-chin in that pic. It's like his cheeks are trying to escape his skull by fleeing downward.
PALESTINIANS ISREAL!
Amar'e Libel!
And Sasquatch!
Arafat was always, "1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war" *all-the-time*, which would usually set the peace process back 6 months.
"Really? You screwed a camel?"
"It was an unforgettable experience, Yassir."
Newt might be on to something here. If those you disagree with or dislike don't exist…poof…problem solved. I, for one, don't think Newt exists.
to be fair, arafat DID make him sit in the back of the plane.
"…who would literally level the United States with nuclear bombs if Israel and/or Iowa told him to"
He's going to use the "Newt-Ron Bomb"
Snark off: apparently one of Newtron Bomb's weird apocalyptic fascinations is the electromagnetic pulse attack:
http://gizmodo.com/5867205/newt-gingrich-is-bizar...
The NY Times also had a good article about this yesterday. Why do I imagine him masturbating to images of mushroom clouds and fallout?
Ewwww. Such horrifying imagery. Not the nuclear stuff, just the Newt masturbating thing. Ewwwww.
So we had frontrunning candidate that mined Pokemon for inspirational quotes and SimCity for tax policy? and now we have a frontrunning candidate that mines Call of Duty for defense policy positions?
Well, on the bright side, we've at least graduated to video games that are rated at voting demographics.
Also: what video games would Mitt Romney have to steal what policy positions from, in order to finally win the hearts of the Republican base? Any suggestions?
Grand Theft Auto?
That would be every Republican's economic policy, basically, wouldn't it?
I guess the only way Newt can mend his broken heart is to bomb the hell outta those invented peoples.
USA! USA! Holyland!
Nice try, Wonkette! Arafat was photoshopped into this picture. Newt can prove that he was cheating on wife #49 at the time.
That guy in the back sure thinks Arafat is dreamy.
The guy in the back looks like he could give "tanning" tips to John Boner.
Hey, who doesn't?
also, 'pair shaped american hair bear' deserves to be a cocktail.
Fucking Sleaze Bag Maggot… Go away.
Yassir, he's my baby.
Nassir, I don't mean maybe…
Tiffany's was so last week.
Ahh, it never goes out of style. And that's where the line of credit is!
I'll give Newtie credit any day for giving the American people a line of bullshit.
All the "intellectual" Repubs here in lower, slower DE LOVE the Newt – so well-spoken, so well-educated, so hard on the poor, a perfect candidate.
An amoral bully really is the essence of the modern Republican party, isn't it?
Throw in 'hypocritical' and that covers it.
Sadly, yes.
Yeah, Arafat fucked Newt but he said it was the worst fuck he ever had. Gingrich's wives have all said the same.
What you libs don't understand is that Gingrich says the Palestinians are an "invented people" because he invented them. Check it out; they're from his alternate-history Civil War novel. (He also invented Thailand while he was at it, by the way.)
That's why he's so happy to see Arafat – just the pride of an inventor in his newest creation.
"He also invented Thailand"
I wonder if he invented the "basket job" too.
That's a funky thai he's wearing in the picture of him and Arafat.
I really hope Newt wins the RNC nomination. He's fun!
It would be enjoyable to watch Barry kick Newt's fat ass down a peg or five in a debate.
this just in: Comedy Writers Guild of America endorses Newt Gingrich
Newt & Arafat sit'in in a tree! They made a nice couple. A couple of @ssholes.
To steal from Robin Williams, they are both ass-halfs.
Because together they make …
Since then, Newt now calls Yasser "The greatest food stamp terrorist ever."
I don't believe any of you exist; you're all just figments of my imagination.
"So, in your culture, it is perfectly fine for you to have more than one wife? But doesn't that take away the fun of banging an intern?"
Ringo forever!
Peace and love, peace and love…
You know it don't come easy!
Hell hath no fury like a shiftless hypocrite scorned
Yasser is saying "Ask me about my Nobel Peace Prize!!!"
Fatah libel
Newt had imaginary friends? Do we really want a president with imaginary friends?
Drop dead, Fred…
Better than one with imaginary ability
We survived President Cheney, didn't we?
But many times it seemed like such a near thing…
Is that Saddam Hussain or Go-Go Gonzales in the middle?
In Newt's defense, who among us didn't have a corrupt, Jew-fighting, Nobel Peace Prize-winning imaginary terrorist friend when they were younger?
I sort of had one. Only mine hated Bulgarians.
A Palestinian lives forever but not so little Newts
Campaigns and Tiffany rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Newt Gingrich came no more
And Yasser that mighty Arab, he ceased his fearless roar.
I'm pretty sure that's the late, great Charlie Wilson (of his eponymous War) between the two.
SE:
Great call!
Anybody who likes hookers in the hottub with lines of coke can't be all bad.
Well, I guess there is Charlie Sheen, isn't there…?
Imagine what Wonkette would be like if we had more Charlie Wilsons around today.
SE:
We'd all be sitting on a barren mountaintop in Afghanistan, trying to shoot down a Soviet helicopter with a shoulder-fired missle.
Hey, I've seen Rambo III, and I know you can do that with a bow and arrow.
"I just can't quit the West Bank, Newt."
Oh!
Hairy love!
We would shave each other for hours on end!
Oh!
Hairy Love!
I'm sure Newt got something for this (favors, money, access) meeting. Shit, for enough money Newt would dig up [insert horrible dead dictator here] & kiss his ass for a picture.
Newt's supporters are on WikiBible changing The Philistines to The Democrats as we speak.
Newt wouldn't stop talking the whole way through – very distracting
… about himself.
"I'm dead sexy!"
Hey, look who's palling around with terrorists. It doesn't do much for Newt's reputation either.
"Newt Gingrich is a wingnut shit-for-brains who would literally level the United States with nuclear bombs if Israel and/or Iowa told him to."
Your comment suggests he has principle. In reality, Newt just says stuff that he thinks will get him ahead/head.
trying in vain to slip a Tiffany silver whore ring on Arafat’s pinky
Actually, I think that they are merely exchanging long protein strands. If you know a simpler way, I would like to hear it.
… shaking hands and smiling with Mr Arafat. As to how politicians are supposed to handle that interaction given the more unsavoury aspects of Mr Arafat's history, …
They probably handle it the same way they do when they get caught shaking hands and smiling with Newt.
Yeah, hard to come off as a "man of the people" when you're carrying a a six figure debt at the jeweler of the uber rich. Then again, do the uber rich shop at Tiffany's?
Not the uber, probably not the 1%. But a whole lot of noveau and some old money still go there.
I think they might send the help to pick up a bauble or two there.
Oh please … Tiffany's is just a notch above Zale's. The 0.01% shop at Harry Winston.
Zales? Pah! If he really cared he'd go to Jared.
Looks rather soft on terrorism to me.
and remember what Newt did when he had to sit at the back of the plane
"So the Arabic word for toupee is keffiyah? Interesting."
"Yassir, youbetcha!"
Maybe that's just Callista pre-Botox/facial planing? With a dish towel on her head?
So, a bunch of limeys, micks, polacks, and whatevers came over to this continent and invented themselves, as "Americans". Whaddaya know'bout dat?
Newt originally picked Ol' Yassar up in the Minneapolis Airport with the old Tap-the-foot under-the- stall- move.
OT, but did anyone else notice that Admiral McRaven, leader of the operation that took out bin Laden, said President Obama, "was really everything the American public would expect from their national leadership. The President was at all times presidential," he says. "I would contend he was the smartest guy in the room. He had leadership skills we'd expect from a guy who had 35 years in the military."
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/articl...
Spin that, Repugs.
McRaven, eh? Hmmmm. And now that I think of it, I don't remember any posts from you in the weeks leading up to May 1, 2011. Busy time, I imagine.
Yes, the name caught my eye. But, no matter what anyone says, we're not the same person. Or even related.
I am not cut out for military life, being obedience
impairedchallenged.I still contend that Admiral McRaven is easily the most badass name in the US Military. I sincerely hope the guy has an eye-patch that he wears, just because.
'McRaven' does have a certain graphic novel flair.
Does this mean 'RavenRant' is the most badass name on Wonkette? Should it have been McRavenRant? Or RavenMcRant?
"Admiral McRaven, leader of the operation that took out bin Laden"
A gratuitous plug for one of your family members, Raven?
Nope. Just a coincidence. Completely innocent coincidence.
"Just a coincidence. Completely innocent coincidence."
*walks away whistling*
I can see it, already, McCraven.
Also, he name sounds a little Muslin/Gay/Black…
Where did they meet, at an excessive chins competition?
More chins than the Chinese phonebook.
So which of Newt's "wives" was Arafat? Guess they had to order a barrel of lube for that honeymoon (does Tiffany's make lube?)
SPERM WHALE LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good lord, he looks exactly the same as today! Was he fucking born with that fat curtain under his chin?!
Who that's guy on the left? He looks like Rachel Ray.
For fun, read this post in your head using Tom Brokaw's voice.
Also, go fuck yourself Newt, you ethically-challenged endomorph douche.
wonder which imaginary person Callista thinks about when Newt's fat ass crawls on top of her for sexytime?
Whichever technician services her electrodes?
Jabba the Hut?
Keep up, man Its his tongue she craves.
All of them, Katie!
Word bubble over Newt's head: "Don't give me that sly smile, Yasser; I want to hear it out loud: next time I get a reach-around, OK?"
Pear infused vodka, with a splash of Courvoisier (because Newt is such a ladies' man), and a gummi bear.
QUOTE "You don't hire me to 'lobby' for you, you don't exist [PERIOD]" UNQUOTE
Newt Gingrich "palling around with terrorists."
Toad Gingrich cheated with Israel on the Palestinians, next he will cheat with Hezbollah on the Israelis
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