• May 26, 2012
GROSS PICTURES

December 14, 2011

Rick Santorum Pleads With Voters To Call Him ‘Intelligent’ Just For Once

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson  

Still no 'sign' of 'intelligent' life, folks

Laughingstock wingnut Rick Santorum is still running for President? Really? Well according to the filthy sign he is holding up in this photo, he is! No one really knows why, since the cabal of nuthatch Iowa evangelical pastors who might have supported him have officially formed a groupie mob and run away on tour with equally insane person Michele Bachmann to help her shill her book or something, and all Rick now has left is… what, his collection of fetus jars? But while Rick apparently hasn’t clued into the hilarious/disgusting joke of the sign he is clutching so enthusiastically, he has managed to come to the glum conclusion that people think he is a moron. So he will tackle the problem by begging voters to call him “intelligent,” based on his, uh, brilliant new plan to prevent terrorism by harassing brown people at airports.

From the Des Moines Register:

In taking questions, Santorum defended his past remarks in support of profiling people as potential terrorists at airports, saying “Of course not” when asked by a woman whether everyone who looks different from him should be profiled.

“This is common sense. You have to look at what the profile is,” Santorum said, suggesting that if a certain group of people were blowing up buildings they should be subject to profiling.

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent,” he added, explaining he wants to protect the United States of America.

Oh who are we kidding, we do not care about Rick Santorum’s self-esteem problems. We mostly wanted to post the fun photo going around the message boards, weeee! [Des Moines Register/ Democratic Underground via Wonkette operative "Monsieur Grumpe"]

{ 225 comments }

Barb December 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Snark aside, I hate this man for leaving his 3 year-old sick daughter, whose life is measured in "days and weeks" so that he can campaign, knowing that he has NO chance of winning.

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Wait, what's this?

Preferred Customer December 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/gop...

"“I have a little girl who’s 3 1 / 2 years old,” the Republican presidential hopeful said in his dinner speech at the annual “Defenders of Freedom” event, hosted by Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa). “I don’t know whether her life is going to be measured — it’s always been measured — in days and weeks. Yet here I am” — on the road so often, he was the first of the current GOP contenders to visit all 99 Iowa counties. Why? “Because I feel like I wouldn’t be a good dad if I wasn’t out here fighting for a country that would see the dignity in her and every other child.”"

Barb December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Thanks for the link, PC.

MzNicky December 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

According to the WaPo link, Santorum has also "given up all paid employment, including his work for Fox News, to make the run" for president.

Uh … and he brings this heartbreak up at a dinner speech, why? To talk about the evils of health-care reform? or what?

uggh.

WootInTarnation December 15, 2011 at 6:46 am

That little lady's doing her job. Providing Daddy with talking points and grabbing some sympathy votes. What's wrong with her anyway? They seem to have more breeding disasters than the Hapsburgs.

As to his choice of leaving his child on death's door to traipse fecklessly along the campaign trail a la Don Quixote sans Sancho Panza, I get the sense that the Santorums, like good corporate managers, added a few kids to their child budget in case of losses, natural disasters or down-sizing. That's evidence of sound financial management right there. And a sign of experience. First I've seen from him. Oh, except for Mrs. Santorum's shrewd creation of "Sound of Music" style family outfits cut from one or two bargain bolts.

Does he actually keep little zombie fetus in a jar? I wonder what color dye they use to bring out the stunning blue highlights in its eyelid veins? This one's bound to be bigger, so I think they should go with something more American Museum of Natural History… a stunning diorama depicting little Roseasharn in her Sunday Best kneeling at a re-creation of the family pew? Or perhaps a cunningly crafted underwater scene with river weeds and minnows… and a large, toothy pike in the background for dramatic tension.

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Ugh; and he was specifically campaigning on repealing health care reform, which is fighting for a country that doesn't see dignity in every child, but would go back to refusing treatment for kids like her; the swine.

Barb December 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Remember the mom who left her kids at home to join OWS? Fox said she should be "investigated" Why does Rick not get the same scorn from them?

pdiddycornchips December 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

WTF???

Republicans use the term "family values" but I'm pretty sure they have no idea what it means.

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Sure they do; Ricky-Rick values his daughter as a campaign prop; like a fetus-in-a-bottle, but slightly older.

Biff December 14, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Of course he understands family values. There's a monetary angle in this, isn't there? Also-when this one shuffles off, he'll just make another one…

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"I'm pretty sure they have no idea what it means."

Punishing women for having sex, duh!

Sue4466 December 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

So, not only did he leave her at home, he's willing to trade on her illness to advance his (pointless) campaign.

That's exactly how you observe the dignity of her life.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

"That's exactly how you observe the dignity of her life."

Well, shit, it's not like she's a fetus or anything.

fuflans December 14, 2011 at 3:45 pm

In a heartbreaking situation, and running near the back of the pack in the polls, Santorum said the campaign has been “incredibly hard” on his family —

you arrogant, ignorant bigot: WE DON'T WANT YOU!! EVEN YOUR WINGNUT BASE DOESN'T WANT YOU!! GO HOME AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR SICK CHILD!!

it's not a heartbreaking situation, it's self-righteous ego run amok.

god.

Chichikovovich December 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Santorum continued: "And I don't want to be called a despicable talibangelist hypocrite who showed more affection for the lifeless corpse of a 20-week old fetus shoved in the faces of children of 6, 4, and 1 1/2 to `kiss and cuddle' than he does for a real, living child who is steps away from a lonely death without the father who is kissing Steve King's ass for a handful of Iowa votes in a contemptible effort to impose his lunatic, hateful worldview on every American, I want to be called intelligent."

Biff December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

My guess, he's gonna need a bigger jar for this one.

And Slowhansolo beat me by 2 hours. Why do I bother?

natoslug December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

In his defense, she already passed through the birth canal, so what she makes of her life at this point is really up to her. If she had wanted compassion, she shouldn't have been born to a conservative household. Bootstraps, people! But yeah, he's a complete shit, and if his kids were more to him than soul vessels or whatever the hardcore goddites consider us, he should be home, at least pretending to care about his daughter.

WootInTarnation December 15, 2011 at 6:30 am

Damn right! Cain's right where he wanted to be when he decided to enter the race: out of it safely before things get too ugly (closer shave than he'd of liked, granted), selling more books, increasing future speaking fees and improving the odds of a FauxNews gig. Aside from the crazytrain pseudo-success run that came upon him and the unfiltered Pall Mall Man for a month or so, everything's going just as planned.

Desperately crawling back to a position from which I can logically respond to your comment: Cain would tell that cute little bundle of Santorum that if she lives or dies, she's only got her self to blame. Bootstrap it just like the hundreds of other babies forced into precarious living situations because their mothers couldn't afford, or were bullied out of having, abortions, or had no access to birth control.

Once you take that first breath kid, yer on yer own. Don't come crawlin' to us with all yer cries for special privileges. Special privileges are meted out to those who've been grandfathered in, or who can afford the $500k/annum club fee. Now get to work! I know yer small, but a baby can lick a floor clean just as well as an adult or an 8-year-old tenured janitor.

HarryButtle December 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Never even heard this story. I didn't think I could have a lower opinion of Rick Santorum than I already had…guess I was wrong about that.

slowhansolo December 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Wow. I guess they're going to need a bigger jar this time.

Tommmcattt December 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Vile. Absolutely vile.

Guppy December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Meh, if he loses one kid he'll just make more, just like Catholic Jesus wants.

Biff December 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm

It might be easier to hate him more if he'd bring the child out on the campaign trail, like another grifter you might've heard of…

chicken_thief December 14, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Shouldn't that kid be cleaning the shitter in a school somewhere by now? WTF, get a job, you little malingerer!!!

nounverb911 December 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Needs more Gabriel Santorum.

Pragmatist2 December 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I wanted to be called "Super Stud of the Year" but it ain't going to happen

slowhansolo December 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

"And hillbillies want to be called 'Sons of the Soil,' but it ain't gonna happen."

Tommmcattt December 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

My bid to be called "Swingin' 12" didn't go over either.

Reality can be more insistent than gravity sometimes.

LetUsBray December 14, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Just once I'd like someone to call me "Sir" without adding "You're making a scene."

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

That Santorum For President sign looks like it was drawn with santorum.

WunkRocker December 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

You know when I saw that yesterday I wondered how long that would stay off of Wonkette. Looks like about 12 hours. Another thing, Ricky would like someone to fix the Google Search for his name. Also.

SheriffRoscoe December 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

OK. Who let Rick into the finger paint?

BornInATrailer December 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Why would you assume he used his finger?

actor212 December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

It's too thick for any other appendage?

ShitFilledExistence December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

He used his assfinger.

BornInATrailer December 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Never get them mixed up. It's like dry hand/wet hand when you are battering something.

WunkRocker December 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Worst. Bond. Villain. Ever.

BornInATrailer December 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I dunno, Rim Job was pretty bad.

weejee December 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Actually looks like he used santorum.

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

He… um… found it in his… well… you know.

Gleem_McShineys December 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

"Campaign Speech Repository"?
Commonly known as an asshole

YasserArraFeck December 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

It's a somewhat literate Dirty Sanchez

SnarkoMarx December 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Amazing sphincter control on the person who made that sign.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I used to have trouble writing my name in the snow while taking a pee.

Extemporanus December 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

The artist's earlier work was not nearly so refined.

[NSFW!!]

Judith_Priest December 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Talk about somebody who just has Art shootin' out her ass!

Biff December 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Oh my gawd.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Are there kegel exercises for the butt?

Pat_Pending December 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

GODDAMN IT, I was just going to write that. Er, type that. With my fingers.

ShitFilledExistence December 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Wouldn't red santorum signify some kind of problem or something?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Could be colored lube.

donner_froh December 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Strawberry flavored.

donner_froh December 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Filthy sign indeed–looks like some blood along with the usual frothy mix. Might have cancer of the asshole, Rick.

Jerri December 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

He's the kind of guy that makes you sort of feel sorry for the cancer.

HogeyeGrex December 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

It would certainly be cancer of The Asshole Rick, anyhow.

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I was thinking,"Cancer of the Rick, Asshole."

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm

So, the P is silent?

vtxmcrider December 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Of course he has cancer of the asshole. Just listen to the uncontrollable nonsense that comes out of there.

Bonghits4Jesus December 15, 2011 at 3:20 am

"cancer of the asshole, Rick." Hmm, something circular about that.

ShitFilledExistence December 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

RedRum
For
President

edgydrifter December 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

OK, Rick. You call me "Viceroy" and I'll call you "intelligent."

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Uwwww, what's that sign written with?

Gleem_McShineys December 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I remember as a kid, giggling whenever we were told we had to use a "Number 2 Pencil" for tests.

I had no idea there really was such a thing.

boobookitteh December 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Well, stop saying stupid shit then.

You're welcome.

slowhansolo December 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Profiling also works for politicians. For example, if someone's running for president, it's mostly because they're grifting whores. LOOK AT THE PROFILE, PEOPLE!

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

"“This is common sense. You have to look at what the profile is,” Santorum said, suggesting that if a certain group of people were blowing up buildings they should be subject to profiling."

So we should be profiling white Christian veterans who love guns?

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Just the ones that are trying to purchase the products needed to make Ricin.

Chet Kincaid December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

TEBOW IS A TERRORIST!!!! Don't let him throw the Bomb!

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

You never know where it'll go.

YouBetcha December 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Yes, yes we should. I have a bad feeling that the next time something goes boom boom, it'll be from our own homegrown nutters.

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Hell, we've had several attacks and attempts since Obama became President; luckily none of them have managed to kill all that many people yet, with Loughner the worst so far.

Walkinwiddaking December 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Maybe if we did we could have averted Oklahoma City. Jesus, I'm sounding like Santorum.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

At the education forum stop at the University Of Northern Iowa, someone took the time to point out to Rick that in 2002, he awarded Jerry Sandusky the "Angels Of Adoption" award for the good works that he was doing with youth through the Second Mile program.
He then followed it up with the statement "You don't want us to trust our children to President Obama, but you want us to trust our children to you."
Hilarity ensued.

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Santorum is Catholic, so he should have some experience with authority figures who do "good works" with youth and their higher-ups who cover for them.

HarryButtle December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent,” he added, explaining he wants to protect the United States of America.

Yea, and I want to be perpetually 22 years old and obscenely wealthy, but…um…reality.

HistoriCat December 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Sure Fredo – you're smart.

Now who wants to take Ricky fishing?

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:12 pm

"I want to be perpetually 22 years old and obscenely wealthy"

If memory serves, being 22 years old was rather overrated, so I'll settle for being obscenely wealthy.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 10:13 am

Yeah … make it 29, and we'll talk.

actor212 December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

And I don't want to be called Actor212 but Nelson Rockefeller, but Rick? We can't all have nice things.

Beowoof December 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Intelligent doesn't apply here, asshole is the appropriate word for Rick.;

cheetojeebus December 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Oh dear god. You vindictive mother fucker, why are you subjecting us to this hideous 'trial' ?
Do we really deserve this frothy excretion! I'd much prefer locusts or frog rain.

Nice sign and also.

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe… I want to be called a homophobe."

Chet Kincaid December 14, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Consider the chase cut-to!

Jerri December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

And with that I have no choice but to believe a Wonketeer is managing his image.

Additionally:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Nostrildamus December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Rick Santorum: America's caganer.

Joshua Norton December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

“This is common sense. You have to look at what the profile is,” Santorum said, suggesting that if a certain group of people were blowing up buildings they should be subject to profiling.

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent,”

You know, he could just as easily have said, "I'm a Fox News educated moron" using far fewer words.

Chillwaver December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Sweet Baby Jeebus…that's one frothy sign, Rick! Oh, and don't even get me started with that turtleneck sweater…

StarsUponThars December 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Here's what I don't understand: Rick-with-a-Silent-P knows what "santorum" is because he asked Google to remove the link to the urban definition. Why in God's name would he allow himself to be photographed while holding a sign made of poopy diapers?

OurHoboSenator December 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Because he was thrilled to receive Senator Vitter's endorsement, that's why.

HogeyeGrex December 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Because he really is that fucking dim.

Sue4466 December 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Because he wants to be called "intelligent"?

Texan_Bulldog December 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Poor Rick. Seriously, what does this man do to earn money? He has about 20 kids & God knows his wife doesn't work (outside the home–she's probably always on her knees thanking God that Rick is gone), but I digress. Does this running for president gig earn you any money? If so, Texan Bulldog 2016! (Going to go with Barry this year.)

SorosBot December 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Before he officially started his campaign, the geniuses who run the Philadelphia Inquirer, in a very liberal city in the state that overwhelmingly rejected him in 2006, actually paid him to spew drivel on their editorial page once a week.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Probably for the lulz and irony, though.

Chet Kincaid December 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I used to love Bone Lulz-n-Irony! Their flow was melodic, yet rapid-fire and aggressive!

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Yeah!
That's those two guys with the car show on the radio, right?
"Don't drive like my brother!"

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Naw, it was for "Journamalistic Balance", like if you have an intelligent, well-written opinion, you balance it w/ Santorum's.

HogeyeGrex December 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

she's probably always on her knees thanking God…

Or, y'know, anybody else who walks through the door.

With or without twenty bucks.

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Egg Money… so to speak.

Jukesgrrl December 15, 2011 at 3:27 am

Seriously, he gets money funneled to him by some wingnut Christian group called the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He's also the recipient of cash from an insurance industry front called America's Foundation. And heaven knows how much conservative money came to him for inventing the term "Islamic Fascism" which was wildly popular for awhile. I would also guess that he's on some kind of Catholic payroll, too, given the dedication he applies to blaming the child sex scandals on "liberals from Boston." If nothing else, the Knights of Malta probably bought a million dollars worth of his wife's abortion-bad/home-schooling-good screeds. Not to mention, he'll be back on Ailes' payroll the minute his presidential "campaign" is declared over. What do you want to bet he's an "analyst" at their coverage of the Republican convention?

SexySmurf December 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I just Googled "intelligent," and you don't want to know what came up.

RadioYKWE December 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Savage.

taylormattd December 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Is it just me, or is that sign written in blood and feces?

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Menstrual blood.

Chillwaver December 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Writen in santorum, prolly.

BornInATrailer December 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

You know who else was a shitty painter?

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

The guy who did the pictures in my office? Looks like something you would see in a Motel 6 lobby.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

LeRoy Neiman?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 2:52 pm

We do not want to violate the Geneva Convention.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Famed DUI of light painter, Thomas Kinkade?

SheriffRoscoe December 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Beat me to it!

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Not sure where I read this, but the guy who works at the convenience store near Thomas Kincaide's summer home said that Kincaide used to come in all the time and buy the cheapest beer they had and porno mags that specialized in Gigantic Asses.

BornInATrailer December 15, 2011 at 11:17 am

And now I like him a little more.

SexySmurf December 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Chris Ofili?

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Thomas Kinkade?

Edit: Dang, there were zero replies to that when I clicked enter. Stupid slow government computer.

SheriffRoscoe December 14, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Thomas Kinkade Hitler?

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

David Hockney?

Chet Kincaid December 14, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Mumbletypeg December 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Sylvester Stallone?

Chet Kincaid December 14, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Wow, it looks like a moron tried to copy Jung's Red Book with watercolors.
http://www.rmanyc.org/theredbook

Gleem_McShineys December 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Piero Manzoni?

Well, he's more of a multimedia artist…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artist's_shit

Callyson December 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Jeff Koons?

snackypants December 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm

The monkey at this pet store I used to go to as a child that would fling its poo against the glass window?

Biff December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Yoko Ono?

Negropolis December 15, 2011 at 12:52 am

Koko the Gorilla?

Dashboard Buddha December 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Was that sign written by a caganer?

vtxmcrider December 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Yes, one that just had anal sex. Like Ricky himself.

Dashboard Buddha December 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Great…now I have an image of a fundy-teabagger butt scooting across the paper like a dog with ass worms.

Goonemeritus December 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent,”

Well I don’t want to be thought of as middle age white guy (MAWG)/ pear shaped corporate goon I would much rather be looked at as a potential Calvin Klein underwear model.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I want to be called Peter North.

YouBetcha December 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

How far can you spew Santorum?

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Men's underwear?

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Ask and ye shall receive, Rick:
"You're intelligent, dumbfuck."

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Poor Rick Santorum, " I am a pretty GIRL ! Why doesn't any body love me? Marsha,marsha,marsha !"

nonbeliever7 December 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Maybe he'll go away if we wave a box of kleenex at him.

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Sure, Rick — you're intelligent, Newt is a man of ideas, Mitt's a conservative, Jon Huntsman is electable, Ron Paul doesn't stay flat and Michele can find Africa on a map. It's fuckin' Christmastime, so don't say I never gave you anything.

Negligently_Joe December 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

A six-pack of LIES?

goondogger December 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

That stinks.

weejee December 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Profile, my ass. Rick is just lazy and is telling the peoplez to let their stereotypes run wild.

I was talking the other day with a friend who just came back from the Haj and he was complaining about the frickin' Saudis who own Mecca. Since the House of Saud still rules, it's the Wahhabi way or the highway. This Divine behavior includes the local coppers, as Ali said "the fucking assholes," whipping women if a lock of hair shows. Santorum and his ilk would love to bring similar controls, but conservetard Xtain horseshit, to the good ol' USA.

/ rant off

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

"the Wahhabi way or the highway"

Oh, I can't stand that stuff!
…although I do like the miso soup they give ya.

OneYieldRegular December 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

This really is brilliant. Why didn't anyone think of it before? Profiling people from every ethnic group that's ever blown up a building should yield astonishing results.

Spurning Beer December 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

That would RUIN St. Patrick's Day.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Bartender! I would like an Irish Car Bomb, please!

x111e7thst December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

If my potted geranium was only as intelligent as that creep Santorum I would shit-can the thing and get a box of rocks.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

When I first saw that picture I thought it had to photoshopped, how could he be that stupid but noooooooooo.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

The only thing that would make it better would be if he were wearing latex gloves.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

And a FUDGE sign behind him.

chicken_thief December 14, 2011 at 10:47 pm

It's clearly so deviously intelligent that we just don't get it. Like he's the zen master of 3D chess and we're still putting checkers in our mouth.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

He doesn't want to be called a xenophobe mainly because none of his followers can spell or pronounce that word.

SheriffRoscoe December 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

They know what it means though. It means a person who is afraid of xenos.

not that Dewey December 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Is he running as a write-in?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

You would think Santorum would be more careful about profiling, as there are many questions about what is up his own ass.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Admittedly, a bit of the pot calling the kettle Muslim:
http://www.americablog.com/2011/05/top-mccain-aid...

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

What does it say about Rick Santorum that a party that was perfectly happy to consider Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain finds him too stupid and foolish to rise above 10% in the poling?

Hell, the Paul rEVOLution crushes Santorum. Literally.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 3:12 pm

This just in. Only 17% of the likely Iowa Caucus voters polled say that they are firm in their support.
So there is still hope for Rick Santorum.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2011 at 5:00 pm

To get good Santorum, you need to be over 90% firm.

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Rick is rEVOLting.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm

"the Paul rEVOLution crushes Santorum. Literally."

Really? Do you have a link? Cause I'd sure enjoy watching a video of that.

mourningnmerica December 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

The Goddishness in this man should be a beacon to all of us.

mourningnmerica December 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

He's so Goddy.

BornInATrailer December 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

"“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent”

Talk about not understanding the GOP base.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Obviously, he's not pandering to the Tea Baggers.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Well, he didn't say he wanted to actually *be* intelligent, he just said he wanted to be *called* intelligent, and he didn't specify by whom.

It reminds me of an old Nicole Hollander comic where a woman is trying to make a deal with the Devil. She says she wants to look thin. The Devil says, "Sorry, we don't do weight loss. If we got into that, we wouldn't have time for anything else". She says no, she just wants to *look* thin. The Devil says, "Oh, clouding men's minds? Sure, that's one of our specialties. Sign right here."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

No need for my services, when beer will do .

PuckStopsHere December 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Using readily available–and free–anal leakage instead of expensive paints when producing your campaign signage just makes good economic sense in these tough times. Plus, anal leakage is better for the environment. (Okay, I made that last part up.)

BarackMyWorld December 14, 2011 at 2:49 pm

“I want to be called intelligent.”

And the Republican voters want better presidential candidates. Life's full of little disappointments.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

"And the Republican voters want better presidential candidates."

Really? Remarkable claims require remarkable proof.

mourningnmerica December 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Based on the previous fetus passing party he had with his family, I fear for the corpse of this poor child once she passes. He will probably take it on tour with him in the primaries. I mean, that's how much he loves Jesus.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"… and for a $5 campaign contribution, you can touch her!"

poncho_pilot December 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

fetus in a jar?

worst. ventriloquist act. ever.

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Fetus in a gottle-o'-geer.

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Fetus, don't fail me now!

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

I must say, that's a rather de-fetus attitude.

Nostrildamus December 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Rick Santorum: master of anal cursive.

poncho_pilot December 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Comic Sanstorum.

Sue4466 December 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

"I want to be called intelligent,” is not something intelligent people need to say Ricky.

Judith_Priest December 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm

It even happens to *me*, and I never wanted it to!

(I compensate by being one of the laziest human beings alive. If intelligence can't help you get out of work, what good is it?)

Extemporanus December 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

"Madam, how like you this sign?"

"The laddie froth protests too much, methinks."

elviouslyqueer December 14, 2011 at 3:01 pm

“We believe in bottom up… and people rising without being vilified for doing so."

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, RICK.

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Rickie needs to take a page from the right wing nutz' Playbook – just keep telling people over and over and over again how smart you are.

So far, at least with some of the people it's worked all of the time for Ole Newt, Off-the-Mark Levin, Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush, The Silly Savage, and the rest of their ilk.

Spurning Beer December 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm

What I want to know is, how did those people in the airports become brown?

not that Dewey December 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Ricky wants to be called "intelligent", and people in hell want icewater.

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:40 pm

I want a solid gold toilet, but that's not gonna happen, baby! — Austin Powers

Blueb4sunrise December 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Sigh, never mind.

widestanceshakedown December 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm

The voters will need to see you do or say something intelligent first, pooplube.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I want to be called "Baldar, Master of All He Surveys," but it ain't gonna happen, except maybe in my living room.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

And the wife isn't home.

proudgrampa December 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Hey, Master of the Living Room ain't so bad!

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Baldar, if you change your name to "Yertle" you might have a chance.

proudgrampa December 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

"“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent”

What does that even MEAN???

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm

It means that Ol' Frothy wants us to indulge in doublethink/doublespeak for his convenience. He wants to be a xenophobe without being called on his, er-uh, shit, and he wants to be called intelligent without having to actually having to think, do, or say anything above the intellectual level of a reasonably bright chimpanzee.

owhatever December 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Ricky, your party hates intelligent people. They think a xenophobe plays tinkling music with small drumsticks. Needs more Bush.

chicken_thief December 14, 2011 at 10:54 pm

There's your cue, Xtine!!!

Negligently_Joe December 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

“I don’t want to be called a xenophobe. I want to be called intelligent,”

How about, no?

Signed,
A former Pennsylvania resident.

proudgrampa December 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

The more I look at that picture, the more I realize that Rick is dumber than a doorknob.

elfgoldsackring December 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I want my money back. No matter how hard I beat it, this shit-log only shits shit. Runny blood-stained shit.

superdave December 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Please, voters! Rick begs you. Please stop calling him "That Fucking Douchebag"!

tessiee December 14, 2011 at 6:45 pm

???
I thought Santorum was "Frothy Mix" and Joe Walsh was "That fucking douchebag"?

El Pinche December 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I'm no John McNaughton but that sign is way too chunky… it looks more like 2 parts poop, 1 part semen.

finallyhappy December 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Surely he(or any of his "advisors") knows he is a lost cause. If this little girl is really sick(and he is not just claiming this for sympathy- I put nothing beyond these GOP scumbags), why is he not at home for the short time she has left? I guess this is another example of the fine family values for which the GOP is known.

Barrelhse December 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm

What a pompous little douchebag he is. He probably believes really hard that Jesus is his friend and God wants him to run (if I may use that word). His blind faith is more important than his youngest daughter, which brings into question his ability to fucking think. And if he doesn't believe he has been "called" then why is he wasting his time campaigning?
Silly son-of-a-bitch.

SpiderCrab December 14, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Rick, you tower over Rick Perry.

vtxmcrider December 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I can see the image of Perry on all fours here, begging for a little Santorum Santorum.

chicken_thief December 14, 2011 at 10:59 pm

"Don't call me daddy, call me Intelligent.!"

Callyson December 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm

" I want to be called intelligent"
Will this do?
The problem with the theory of intelligent design is that it cannot explain lifeforms such as Rick Santorum…

lochnessmonster December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

So the only thing missing from Sanitorums campaign is a book he can sell?

flamingpdog December 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm

“Like Lasch said, ‘We all get up every day and tell ourselves lies so we can live.’ We all do it; I’m not pointing the finger. . . .

I can live with the telling yourself lies so you can live part, douchebag – it's the telling us lies so you can be Prezdint that makes you such a a frothy fartsack.

Loaded_Pants December 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Poop on a sign–pretty much sums up Santorum completely.

Rotundo_ December 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

If he wasn't a horrible excuse for a human being, I would feel sorry for a man who has wasted uncounted hours treading the small towns of Iowa looking for kindred souls to launch his quixotic campaign for president. The fool has spent almost a year, and this away from a dying daughter he loves for what? He will have made it to the ballot and that is it. At what point is a candidacy just a symptom of a mental illness?

sbj1964 December 14, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Rick Santorum suffers from the Jan Syndrome" Mitts the pretty one ,Newts the smart one.Middle child woes.

ttommyunger December 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm

If Santorum wins will he have to give up his gig as Johnny Tambourine on "Saul of the Mole Men"?

ttommyunger December 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

BTW, I'd like to be called "The Grand Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack".

Walkinwiddaking December 14, 2011 at 8:59 pm

And Rick Santorum is latin for wussyoppurtunisticdouchebag?

Walkinwiddaking December 14, 2011 at 9:06 pm

You know, we as a country have a lot of faults. But, being able(so far) to call someone who is running for POTUS a wussyoppurtunisticdouchebag is still kinda cool.

fitley December 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm

What is the font on his sign? Turdettica Bold?

aklibtard December 15, 2011 at 2:15 am

Why did he write his sign in aborted gay anchor baby blood?

Bonghits4Jesus December 16, 2011 at 12:25 am

Santorum is as intelligent as Intelligent Design is.

DaRooster December 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Hey… they held their fetus in a blanket… not a jar/bottle/etc…

Sue4466 December 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Because he's a man and she's a woman.

GOPCrusher December 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Rick is running for the Republiklan nomination.
She's just a filthy hippie promoting Obama's Class War.

Judith_Priest December 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And those kids were teens! And she was leaving them with their *father*!

If she'd gone off to tour with the Tea Party, or with Ted Nugent, the RW wouldn't have said squat about it.

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Sorry, all clumps of dead cells look alike to me.

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm

OK if I just feel sorry for the child trapped in this hellish relationship? Hope to Whovever there's reincarnation, cause kid, you got ripped off BIG this time.

DaRooster December 15, 2011 at 9:30 am

Well, to be fair… holding fetai in any way (outside of a womb) is not all that attractive.

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