Witch Endorses Cultist

Regretful teen-aged witch Christine O’Donnell has endorsed bland gazillionaire flip-flopper Mitt Romney — or, to the Newt Gingrich campaign, Mitt Romney the cultist. Why endorse Mitt? According to O’Donnell’s appearance on CNN this morning, it’s because “He’s been consistent since he changed his mind.” Uhh.

We are pretty sure this development means Mitt Romney is going to dump his longtime wife and marry Christine (“to be more like Newt”) and then be the goofy dullard businessman while unemployable housewife O’Donnell comically tries to “stop using witchcraft” (masturbating) while he’s at work. This is Romney’s “northeast strategy,” we think.

Anyway, super exciting news, on the endorsement front: Christine O’Donnell has thrown the full influence and power of her never-elected national-joke status behind poor little rich boy Mitt Romney. Obama probably doesn’t even have to campaign next year. [LAT/Think Progress]

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    1. TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

      It sure is, Mitt's mormon Ouija board is spelling something!

      N… O… H… O… P… E

      Hmm, must mean that Hopey Obama feller will lose next year! Huzzah! Crackers and water for all!

  1. bureaucrap

    Xtine O'Donnell influences how many other votes? 2? 3? Other than throw-away weeklies that have to fill up column-inches with SOMETHING, who even gives a c**p?

  2. Not_So_Much

    I'm sure Mr. Magic Underoos is fucking thrilled to be endorsed by Krazee Witch. Although, she might make a fun addition to his string of wives in the afterlife…

    1. Extemporanus

      It's a Christmas Miracle, Barb! For once, it appears that I may have actually beaten you to the punch.

      I can assure you that it won't happen again, for I shall now die a "rich" man.

      (Since IncenseDebate will fuck up the link, see replies to the first comment.)

      1. Barb

        You remember something you said 343 days ago? I mutter to myself, "tag in the back" as I dress myself each morning.

        1. Extemporanus

          That's why I prefer to comment in the glorious altogether — really helps air out the ol' synapses, and whatnot. A dynamically integrated Access database of everything that I've ever said catches anything else that might fall through the cracks.

          Bullshit aside, I actually do remember, pretty much word-for-word, every single dumb comment I've ever made here. I don't know why…because I'm a mentally unbalanced writer/artist, maybe?

          I tend not to use this "power" for evil, such as was the case with the "I said it first" douche move I just pulled on you. (Sorry!) However, in light of your status as our Wonkette's reigning "FIRST!!1" lady — and the fact that I'm regularly trumped by East Coasters, early risers, and quick wits capable of getting their RSS feed alerts to fucking work — I guess I just couldn't help myself.

          Typically, on this poop joke-strewn dog track, you're the fluffy stuffed bunny that zips by while the rest of us are busy chasin' tails, lickin' balls, and sniffin' asses. And yet, the race goes on.

          Woof woof, baby…

          1. Barb

            You are so cute, thanks!
            There is a guy over at Huffington Post who comes here and lurks and will cut, copy, and paste my comments here and take them over there as his own. He left a reference to Jeffery, my husband, in one once. One of these days I'm going to bust him for it.

          2. Extemporanus

            HA! Those purty little HuffPo merit badges don't come easy!

            I tried doing something similar a while back, only I copied BigGovernment comments and pasted them here.

            No one noticed.

          3. Extemporanus

            Poopy Montgomery, Crappy Bates, Shitty Carlisle…I'm whoever your little heart desires, scat man brother.

  3. Goonemeritus

    "Mitt Romney is going to dump his longtime wife and marry Christine"

    Fine but if Mitt suggests a nice car ride she needs to stipulate in the car not on the car.

    1. Goonemeritus

      The trick is to turn down the sound and tape a picture of Emma Peel dressed as the Queen of Sin over the screen.

        1. jus_wonderin

          The most recent time I had a last minute run, I almost didn't make it. Oh, Sarah. Yeah, she will be all about the cash.

        2. Callyson

          I was going to speculate over the possibility of a third party ticket with Saint Sarah and The Donald, but that will never happen. Neither of them would settle for the VP spot.

    1. GOPCrusher

      None of them.
      I think she fully expects to be see a brokered convention in which she will be begged to be the Republiklan nominee.

  4. Biel_ze_Bubba

    “He’s been consistent since he changed his mind.”

    If any of us had come up with that, we'd get 100 upfists.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Rick Perry plays that part, with Chris Christie as Little John (and Newt as Maid Marion's lady in waiting).

  5. goondogger

    Is this Christopher Nolan's gritty reboot of Bewitched? I'm assuming they'll change Darrins between each sequel (each act?).

    1. jus_wonderin

      "It is not at all unusual to find pustules and other hair follicle inflammation papules on shaved genitals."

      Which is no problem for a partner as they have already taken the train to…anywhere.

    2. Spurning Beer

      Lizzie, from your linked article:

      In fact, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists say that a clean vagina will have a mild stench, which is a why they do not recommend douching.
      Related: In Haiti, Death Toll From Cholera Tops 900

        1. finallyhappy

          one of my former bosses worked on cholera prevention in the thrid world- it involved straining water through saris- she never talked about this!!

        1. Steverino247

          You sure? I thought cunt-related cholera was, well, pretty fucking disgusting, but a great post nonetheless!

    1. chicken_thief

      Because they needed to hear from a batshit crazy fringe bitch of the party and whats-her-name and the First Douche are holed up in the frozen north?

  6. freakishlywrong

    That interview this a.m. I actually caught it, furiously trying to get away from Morning Doh. CNN is is seriously teatarded, all I could think was; "who gives a fuck what this twunt has to say about anything"? And "there is no tea party, it's a bunch of costumed, wingnut, know-nothing Birchers, you fools". This is not a good way to start the day.

  7. Mahousu

    Gingrich could have had her endorsement if he had covered her jewelry bill, but noooo. C'mon Newt, we're only talking Zales, not Tiffany's.

  8. memzilla

    You have to admit, it's a good counterintelligence play by Newt, having Xtine the Witch endorse Mitt the Mormon. Kicked him right in the Tabernacles.

  9. vtxmcrider

    Ever notice the witch's nose on Callista? She is going to make that amateur from Delaware regret forever that she ever dabbled in witchcraft.

  10. memzilla

    Watch this video with the sound off, and substitute Bullwinkle J. Moose's famous line: "Eeny Beeny Chili Beany, the spirits are about to speak."

  11. WhatTheHeck

    Ye gads! By what manner did she divine this endorsement?
    She must have looked into the boiling, republican cauldron and grabbed for anything ‘floating’ near the surface.

  12. Mumbletypeg

    It's a match made in syncretist heaven: your witch with a cat with nine lives to go with the serial-marryin' Mormon's nine wives. ( I assume with only one wife, Mitt's just "gettin' started.")

  13. Poindexter718

    I'm not a warlock, I'm you, America … a Moroni worshipping, strange undergarment wearing, multimillionaire, political shapeshifter …

  14. SayItWithWookies

    So I guess Delaware's electoral votes would be in play if Mitt wins the nomination. Or they would be, if the vice president wasn't from there. And the teabaggers weren't over as a political force. And if there were enough Christian ex-witch revirgins who voted. And if anybody cared what Christine O'Donnell had to say.

  15. thefrontpage

    Just curious: How many Wonkette readers have had "relations" with Christine O'Donnell, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachman?! Share your stories!

      1. Steverino247

        Not necessarily. I'll just assume that any male posting here has sufficient meat to gag Christine just fine, thank you.

        And don't forget, the worst thing about being an atheist is there's no one to talk to while getting a blow job.

        1. YasserArraFeck

          And don't forget, the worst thing about being an atheist is there's no one to talk to while getting a blow job.

          Really? You've never heard of the deity "Fuck Yeah!"?

  16. Slim_Pickins

    In comparison, that international figurine, Sarah Palin, can't even get time on IONTV these days. Christine must be doing something right.

  17. Steverino247

    She endorsed Mitt in exchange for a promise NOT to appoint her ambassador to Saudi Arabia should he win.

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When I saw this, all I could think was that Christine had been hitting the Mac and Cheese to help her depression after losing.

  19. LiveToServeYa

    This is obviously a cunning ploy by the Lush Pubic Hexer to extort money from Romney to switch her endorsement to Newt.

  20. Nostrildamus

    This is Romney’s “northeast strategy,” we think.

    I think of masturbation as a more of a South-Central strategy.

  21. HarryButtle

    Mitt Romney is going to dump his longtime wife and marry Christine (“to be more like Newt”) and then be the goofy dullard businessman while unemployable housewife O’Donnell comically tries to “stop using witchcraft” (masturbating) while he’s at work.

    And then Mitt's boss Larry Tate shows up for dinner and the hilarity ensues.

  22. ttommyunger

    Can we jus chip in and buy her a vacation in Saudi Arabia? I understand they have a special place for Witches there.

  23. user-of-owls

    Since most spells only call for the eyes, the old aphorism applies:

    In the kingdom of blind newts, the one-eyed Gingrich is still a dick.

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