Uh-oh, guys, no one wants to pay money to yapping imbecile Sarah Palin for her job of “doing nothing” anymore! RLY SAD BUT TRUE: her insipid, publicly-funded reality teevee show about naked grizzly bear hunting in Alaska or whatever was not renewed for a second season, so she is apparently trying to shop around a new show starring Todd Palin pissing moose figurines into the snow. Absolutely none of the networks want to buy it, though!
Your prayers to Satan finally got through:
The Hollywood Reporter has learned that Palin and [TV producer Mark] Burnett are pitching another reality series, this one more focused on Palin’s husband Todd and his career as a championship snowmobile racer. But for now, TLC owner Discovery Communications has passed, say sources. And A&E Networks, which entered into a bidding war with Discovery for Sarah Palin’s Alaska, also is not interested.
So far, networks have balked at the steep asking price – Palin’s Alaska went for north of $1 million an episode and sources say Burnett and Palin are asking for a similar payday for the follow-up. Mark Burnett Productions did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
In other news, programming executives from TLC reportedly asked Mark Burnett what they wanted to call this new show. And they said, “The Aristocrats.” [The Hollywood Reporter]
{ 258 comments }
Did she try Comedy Central?
Svejk!
CHAM:
She has the same problem as Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity. Sen. Al Franken's wife used to ask him "Why does the USO invite you and not Hannity?"
"Well, honey," Franken would reply, "Hannity has a problem. He doesn't have any talent."
With commentary by Jon Stewart. Now, I would pay to watch that.
ION.
Yeah, but the first time she got Aasif Mandvi to eat yellow snow, it would all be over.
This is why she had to run for president!
Even Kim Kardashian is bright enough to know that to remain a famewhore, you have to have at least some inkling of a reason, no matter how daft, why the public should care about you….
Kim's grift is marriage, Sarah's is politics….
Kim married a basketball player (and got a 2 million dollar ring out of it!). Is what's-his-name the b-ball player that Sarah boinked available?
I'm not sure, but that there's Reality Show gold: Sarah Palin's Iceberg of Love.
Much more entertaining than watching some in-bred, barely-verbal fuckstick tooting around on a metal icicle.
VH1 would order a half-a-season of that shit sight unseen, if she sold it as Iceberg of Love, let me tell you.
I am both drunk and an afficionado if of big asses (I can spell chek that aff word in the morning when IO
, m sober, righT?) and just want to say: Kim Kardashian has an incredible ass. I haenvt looked up from there in the few fpotos I've seen of her. Palein has nothing but moose wringlkes and a penchant for being a complete fucking idiot. God, I love Dark and Stormys with hommemade ginger beer. Umm, did I mention I might be drunk? I swith the wife and ikid s or the mistress would get the fuck home.
Who is Sarah Palin?
Tim Pawlenty's first wife?
First beard, you mean?
That Cunt.
She was on that first season of Foxworthy's "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader". The 5th grader won.
I care as much about Sarah Palin's family as she does, not at all.
Ouch!
Seriously, it may look beneath her, now, but she could make some marginal coin off of selling out Bristol to Maury of getting the whole clan on the Jerry Springer Show.
Dude, that's brilliant! Did you ever see the Jerry Springer Movie? Palins would be perfect for the sequel.
I sorta remember her… Wasn't she a hunter or something?
I think she was some kind of amazing crosseyed beauty queen a long time ago.
A hunter who couldn't properly handle a gun.
…Palin’s husband Todd and his career as a championship snowmobile racer.
Championship snowmobile racer.
Championship snowmobile racer.
Kenny Powers on his jet ski enters my mind for some reason.
Fuckers. That's snopwmachine reacers yop!
Fuck. How much rum is to muc h?
That much, it seems.
YOU LIE!!!!!! I'm mixing 151, some sort of regular nd wshate er the fuck the wife boughgt to make dark and stormy.s. Lice if soog. fuck
Whatever it is you're drinking, I want lots of it for the next Rethug debate. Better yet, make the debaters drink it before the debate.
That was the best bit of advice my dear old grandfather ever gave me. "Son," he said, "Lice if soog."
He races championship snowmobiles.
They don't race themselves, you know. Unfortunately.
Dare we hope she invested her griftalicious million$ in MF Global, too?
I think she invested in MILF Global.
a million seems low
finally, tits or gtfo!
Or gtmo. I'd be okay with gtmo.
GTFO. I don't want to see πalin tits. I can look at my own moobs If I want to see that traged¥.
Fuck snowboarding – make a show with Todd banging the massage parlor chick.
"Bang the Dumb Snowly"
Man, I'm a straight dude and I'm ready to have your baby after that comment.
ftw!
Dude, have you seen the massage parlor chick? I'd have to be in a real strange part of my head to dig that….
In the ass. Hence the show's title, "I Did Her Odd".
Sounds like ION Television is about to have a new prime time series!
"Negatively Entertaining."
There's at least one open time slot.
Let's not talk about Increasingly Desperate Snowbilly and "open slot" in the same sentence. I really don't want to see my breakfast again.
What is prime time for ION? Like 3AM?
After her documentary "Triumph of the Shill" was released to a smashing 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes last year, I don't know why Sarah even keeps trying anymore.
Can't wait for the sequel, "Triumph of the Shrill".
Not a surprise to me. The alternative is getting a job.
She's always got that meth lab option …
"Breaking Tawd"?
No WalMart in Wasilla, sorry.
Todd would like that — she'd finally learn how to cook.
If it gets really bad, Bristol will have to cut off her momma's hands to prove to the sheriff that she's really dead, so she and her boys don't lose the house to no bail bond. She's a Palin, bred and buttered.
Awww…all those silk boxers for Tawd and chin lifts for Bristol cutting into the finances a little? She's like one of those lottery winners who spends all their money on clown figurines and then wonders where all the money went.
{insert gratuitious sexual innuendo on the word "Hummel" here]
You think she's buying Hummel? Chick has QVC written all over her!
Most likely as a tramp stamp on Bristol.
To alleviate the boredom of work, I crusied yourporn today. I cuoud have swaorn. I saw a bristol vieodeo in the creampies section. Fiuck. I eed to sober oup.
Joe Dirt's parents collected clown figurines…
Exactly. I predicted this after everyone freaked out about how she got 12 million 2 years ago.
She let everything else she ran into the financial red. Wasilla… Alaska… so why not her family?
There's always Ustream, Caribou-Barbie.
I dunno, she can't even squirt a 'tard out of that dry gulch nowadays, I'll bet.
Oh, you meant like a video! Oh. Also.
"In other news, programming executives from TLC reportedly asked Mark Burnett what they wanted to call this new show. And they said, “The Aristocrats.”
I swear I misread that as "The Aristocunts."
“The Aristocrats.”
Nah.
"Todd Palin's Clubbing the Halibut" would more likely seal the deal.
.
"Clubbing the halibut" – is that what the kids are calling it these days?
bf:
Only if they are up in their rooms (or down in their basements) alone.
From Wikipedia; "The Aristocrats" is an exceptionally transgressive (taboo-defying) dirty joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Throughout its long history, it has evolved from a clichéd staple of vaudevillian humor into a postmodern anti-joke.
Postmodern anti-joke is a good definition of the Palins. Maybe that's how the joke should end……… "The Palins"……
SnowGrift
Not only that, but we are done with her too. Those were the longest 15 minutes evah.
Todd and Levi are stranded in the middle of nowhere in a tent with a blizzard raging outside. Annnnnnddddd……..action!
"Brokeback Glacier"
Is this like when you lick a flagpole and your tongue gets stuck to it?
"I wish I could grift you."
Is it gay if their sum total IQ barely gets to three digits?
"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr Palin?"
As with Christopher & Paulie on the Sopanos, they would be reduced to eating ketchup packets.
And frozen beer.
I hope to hell you're suggesting cannibalism there, because the alternative is so horrible as to defy human comprehension.
don't be homophobic!
It'll be just like 127 Hours, except they're not trapped under a boulder. They just elect to chew each other's arms off.
I'd bet Rick P(h)erry has $10,000 for that.
Working title: Two douchbags – one tent.
Directed by Marcus Bachmann?
Grifter burned down the territory. The crowd has drifted away from the medicine show.
"Todd Palin pissing moose figurines into the snow."
Hey, it takes talent to piss anything more than a puddle from sitting down.
If I didn't know any better that Todd was really a thug and a dick, I'd mistake him for harmless and worthy of a tv show also too.
Hey, Sarah! I'm sure Newt could use another "campaign staffer."
Calista will NOT allow it. She actually thinks someone else might find N. Leroy attractive.
“I think it’s safe to say her time has passed.”
If only that were true!
Griftus fugit.
Like a bowlful of her moose chili, Sarah will not pass completely for years.
Carpe per diem.
Exactly. We said the same of Gingrich in '99.
Meanwhile, Sarah's only going to be 60 in 2024.
If I were Galtian job creator, I would start a "Grifter network" to hire the Palin brood, Newt, Herman Cain, Dick Morris, Jack Abramoff and…. Oh, who am I kidding? FAUX Newz would just sue me for copyright infringement…
Reality TV show? about Todd's "career" as a "championship snowmobile racer"? $1 million per episode? I'll say this for her — that Palin gal's got some spunk! Or, nerve. No: Gall. That's it, gall.
All the Palin gals' got some spunk.
Especially that little one who thinks WE ruined her summer vacation in New England.
Well, how else are they going to squirt out all those kids?
Boomp tsshhhhhh.
And bile. Also.
It's pronounced CHOOT-spa.
Sarah Palin: Alaska's favorite gall girl.
Sheesh, No one wants reality Sarah, and FOX News and Roger Ailes are tired of her fictional world. If it wasn't for Greta Van Susteren's need to feel five hours a week, our long national nightmare would be over.
you know what else Greta can feel five hours a week?
I'm sure Todd Palin is involved.
Her Bowtox?
Everything but her perpetually paralyzed face?
Ailes' nutsack on her chin?
Other story ideas pitched for her new show … Shootin' Illegals … Shootin' Democrat Socialists … Shootin' Network Executives … Shootin' Katie.
Nuthin' sez Trew Merkin Heeroh like "Methbilly Fucktards on Ice."
I thought Tanya Harding already had that demographic covered?
That was so-o-o-o long ago. But they'll have her on as a guest for their Classic Methbilly Fucktards Special featuring as MC Bret Michaels. Will Bret bang Bristol on the Rock of Love Bus or will he go for MILF Lou Sarah? A SuperSunday Program on E! where every Sunday is Super!
Both!
Did you check the picture of her at the link? The Tundra Twat's getting a little jowly herself. Gingrich/Palin 2012!
OK, I have looked at that bon-bon picture more than I ever want to admit. And no, no fap fap fap here. However, I noticed tonite there is something crawling out of her right labia majora. WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot? Is that a cancerous growth, blond bush, or worse yet, hookworms??
Oh no.
Sarah, thy name is lesion.
All of 'em, Katie.
a "career," as championship snowmobile racer.
Sorry $arah, i' ve moved on to Brandie on "Storage Wars."
Uh Oh. Looks like she's going to have to go to Plan B for marketing. The pilot's going to have to feature full frontal nudity.
And complimentary barf bags.
Sarah on Plan B would be an interesting show.
Willow on Plan B would be more likely.
It's a little late for that now!
Though, if Bristol got her uber-fertility from her mother (just once, and in spite of the pill), I'm wondering if Plan B would actually work on that full quiver.
Celebrity Wife Swap starring Todd Palin and Jack Stuef.
That's just re+arded!
Three Rules from Alaska:
#1 – Don't like the flagpole in the wintertime
#2 – Don't eat yellow snow
#3 – Don't buy Duh Gov'Nuh's dumb tv show.
Flagpole is what the kids are calling it these days?
Lick – sorry – "lick."
We all know everybody likes it.
That's tent pole you're thinking of.
Awesome! I've found the lead for the show I'm developing: Yukon Pawn Shop Dumpster Divas!
Wasilla Storage Whores
Featuring the Snowbilly Repo Queens … Comin' to Git Yer MACHINE!
New Character: House Marm on Jersey Shore!!!!
Wassilla Blogging Meth Moms?
Remember how she made her I'm-not-running-for-Prez announcement on another network, not Faux News? AHAHAHAHAHA!
if they just wait ten years they can get good roles on an "edgy" program on Showtime or HBO. if the world isn't over by then.
How many roles are there for people with no teeth who are covered in scabs?
from the producers of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Crank Wankers, a new show about goin' down for go fast.
Your show is definitely more creative than WWTBAM.Who DOESN'T want to be a millionaire?
Not many. Breaking Bad is done filming, and as such, won't be requiring any more extras.
America will miss Sarah Palin like a case of herpes.
Now if she would only take FAUX Nooze with her…
~
What? You mean to tell me that fickle TV execs don't want a show about a half-term governor who's stopped teasing a run for the presidency? Really?!
Cue the new jewelry line on QVC or HSN or something a little less "classy". You know the drill, gold flash over "sterling" silver with the latest euphemistic term for cubic zirconia accents (first item up-Flag Pin-natch) followed by salmon, snow machines, etc. Add in a "designer scent" and a line of natural makeups and she could hawk crap to the bubbettes forever while waving the ol' red white and blue (and that's just her vericose veined legs).
It'll be the Mooselini-Suzanne Somers-Joan Rivers trifecta.
What, no Celebrity Apprentice for Saint Sarah? Is she afraid of the competition now?
I'm pretty sure Meat Loaf, Brett Michaels & Gary Busey would probably eat her lunch (no, that's not a euphemism)…and that's saying something!
You can't fire me, I quit!
How about a nice Palin Family Christmas Special?
They could shoot some rain deer from a helicopter, cook up some Christmas meth and burn a cross on someone's lawn. Special guests would be Ted Nugent, Bill O'Rilley and Toby Keith singing Fill the Halls with Dead Commies.
Festive no?!
THAT would sell. Demand a big fee.
Better yet, put the Palins out in their front yard and rain deer on them from a helicopter.
"As god is my witness, I thought reindeer could fly…"
"It's WKNT in Wa-a-sil-la."
Maybe they can follow Willow's quest to not get pregnant before graduating high school? Oh wait–she won't graduate. What am I thinking.
Newt: blow job.
Sarah: snow job.
America: no jobs.
Trig: menial jobs
Levi: rim jobs
the 1%: a bank job
Ah, the schadenfreude tastes especially piquant tonight. BTW Kirsten: Best final wrap line EVER.
A seasoned manager would be advising her that she has reached the point in her career were she will need to consider working blue.
Didn't they make a show on one of them cable networks a couple years ago about a family of grifters? I can't for the life of me remember who was in it or what it was called, so if it was that unmemorable the first time around, I guess it doesn't need to be remade.
Yeah, it was called Keeping up with the Kardashians, and it's still on television.
You rang?
Eddie Izzard. That's all I remember.
Minnie Driver also, too.
Nobody's ever remade The Reivers, have they?
You all know that this means, right?
Willow, you've been called up to take another one for the team.
Check if I'm wrong Sandy, but is that a FRENCH bottled water under that cute Dixie cup?
Typical 1%er Sarah is just about the money. Other than her last baby that show has to be the dumbest thing that has ever come out of her.
Why does she not just make a show about her race-baiting? Unless Fox owns the rights for it of course.
I' thinking I'd better not use my "magic word" on this post.
"Please"?
"Negro."
Did someone say "Negro"? My Negrosense is tingling…among other things.
How come the "N-Signal" uses a
crosshairssurveyor's mark instead of a bat silhouette?Unlike Sarah, at least Kim Kardashian had the courtesy to fuck her black guy on the internet, where we could all enjoy it.
Let me tell you, if the internet had been around and kicking ass like it was when she fucked Glenn Rice, she'd have been shilling "White on Rice" by Baked Alaska Productions for $5 a pop out the back of her mini-van.
Do she still have that sweet bus?
You mean Sarah Palin's Victory Vacation Bus or whateverthefuck?
Griftmobile.
My prayers will be answered when Sarah Palin goes Galt
How about a show where Little Sarah takes a calculus class at M.I.T.? That would most certainly end her belief in god.
The Palin Family Recipe for Success: when in doubt, get knocked up.
I can't wait until baby Mukluk arrives!
Doesn't the Recipe contain starter fluid, sudafed, and match tips?
And with that, the Deadest Person Who's Still Alive title finally passes from Abe Vigoda to Sarah Palin.
Isn't it about time for Conan to light him up for Xmas?
Okay, coupla things with the book ad thingy….
The Medium Next Door Maureen Hancock
1.) She has a documentary special TV show! "Psychic in Suburbia" Suck it Palin!!!!
2.) In an odd spell-check misspelling reversal , the ad says : you can't buy more PHYSIC Insights for less!
Sarah, try pitching the show on Redtube.
Sorry Sarah. The Kardashians beat you to the punch as the most useless people on TV.
Oh well, there's always the "leaked" amateur pron.
The more of such "leaked" videos I see, the more I'm convinced that porn should be left to the professionals.
And what of the Duggans? And the loss of their most precious 20th blastocyst person? This is worse than 9/11, Columbine and the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire combined.
Duggars. Why would I know that, you ask? Because the fucking idiot who provided the unfortunately viable sperm underlying the "It Takes A Couple To Breed A Village" phenomenon was actually an elected spewminant in the district next door to Owlsgarten.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that, Owls. Do you ever see them occupying Walmart or anything? To me, these people are the scariest thing on TV and that includes the GOP debates.
Won't be long before she is hosting web cam sessions.
No doubt, the price doubles if you want a mute button.
You know how powerful cognitive priming is? Every time I see Lou Sarah and First Dipshit's names followed by the word "snowmobile", I keep on reading it as "snowbilly". I know that the word is snowmobile, but no matter hard I try, I can't un-see snowbilly, in the context of Lou Sarah.
It's official!
Duh Gov'Nuh is the Tila Tequila of the North.
Fortunately, without the Playboy layout(s).
You know you want a peek at her Alaskan bush.. and floppy used Alaskan wizard's sleeve.
SFE:
I'll pass, thank you very much. I'll let Todd or his business partner or a random basketball player be the Alaskan bush pilot.
All she needs to do is get together with some of her neighbors/frenemies and sell to Bravo the "Real Methwives of Wasila" and her revenue issue is solved like that.
Cunt
Oh–c'mon! You got nothing else? Be creative.
Sorry. That's been my standard response to any Moosie Grifter post for the last several months. It really is all she deserves.
Dozy cunt.
That's right, my darling.
You bore me. Palin is to 'cunt' as some idiot forum is to 'first'.
Well if I'd known my lot in life was to please some shit shiner like you I would have tried harder.
Piss off.
Calm the fuck down chief. We've all had our hearts ripped out here. Well, except maybe Barb. If you can't take a joke, don't come to a joke site. Hell, you're lucky you even got a reply. And, yes Virginia, there is a "cunt" comment in most every one of the thousand or so Frozen Grifter posts of the last 2 years. After all, she, like no one on this planet, personifies the word.
p.s. whatever you do, don't try the You Know Who Else meme for a while.
Abrazos y bezos, Radio.
You know who else gave me advice…. kidding.
Point taken. Just didn't have enough alcohol last night. Apologies to all.
BEGGING TO DIFFER: with all y'all naysayers.
1.) Stating just plain old "cunt" — is like the equivalent of Palin's own tweet, "T."
A subliminal stroke of genius, Mr. Boehneriffiic.
2.) Commenter SaintRond issues a mere "that cunt" in response to a Palin / Angle/ Bachmann post all the time and it's funny esp. observed together with his avatar.
I couldn't decide whether to reply to you or to the stream of critics so they'd catch my point, but FFS just know I'm taking your side on this one.
the defeated.
The Poop Lady.
I must be drunk.
i know hollywood kicks everyone's ass, but this is kinda sweet.
Yeah. 'Everyone' includes 'people whose ass needs kicking'.
Sarah Palin is white trash,Alaska hillbilly. Her next show should be an appearance on (where are they Now),along with David Hasslehoff,FlavaFlave,and Leni from Lavern&Shirley.
Say what you want about David L. Lander -- in addition to being a Twin Peaks alumnus, he's esteemed way above the rest IMO on many levels. In his memoir about dealing w/ his multiple sclerosis, it caught me off-guard just this one little dedication to his wife and daughter: "To Kathy, for keeping me honest; and to Natalie, for just keeping me."
Well I don't know about you but that right there's just downright poignant, it is~
Hel-LOW! Lenny and Squiggy were the only reason to watch that show.
OT, but another " yapping imbecile" gets his due.
Maybe she can try to dance with a star.
"Toddities."
She'll always have the "Permanent Fund".
OT, but Mittens has done a big oops. http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/
Not as bad as his new theme song, the Horst Willard Lied.
Mittens, Mittens Uber Alles.
I thought his poor dog was uber alles, strapped down?
Some words in German and the phrase “strapped down”, I am weak with desire. Actually I am going to bed now…
As the belt buckles said: Gott mit uns. Or translated, "Got Mittens?"
Don't worry, he'll fliip floop tomorrow.
The lede is just the best:
Couldn't have said it better, myself. When you are as disingenuous as Romney, and when you pander as hard and often as he does, this is the shit that happens. I haven't a shred of sympathy for this clown.
I loved watching Mitt's face fall ever so slightly as he realized he was in the shit.
The follow-up is great! Obama should hire this guy!
Indeed.
Wait, wait, wait sweet Lizzie. Don't you have the patent on Alaskunt®??!?
Mama Grizzly has lost her grifting cubs. It's nice to see this twat fade into obscurity. I bet it sucks to live in Wasilla within one mile of these pustulated anal polyps.
Toddster in Tiaras
THAT, I would watch.
"The world needs more RE: Todd episodes, not fewer."
- Sarah Palin
If Mark Burnett couldn't get the networks to bite she must be radioactive–he is the producers of Survivor, Celebrity Apprentice and a bunch of other bags of garbage that get airtime and make money.
Oh well, it will find a home on ION, they'll buy anything.
Hopefully Bristol will be available. Then they can call it "Ice Road Fuckers"
The 7.2 million dollars originally paid to purchase Alaska somehow doesn't seem so little any more.
Next phase is obviously infomercials. No, I will not buy a Forever Lazy mu-mu from you, Saruh.
We saw that commercial the other night while watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 and it was hilarious, esp. the jump at the end. I think they GOP candidates should all have to wear a flag inspired one for the next debate.
Is porn not too far in the future for this clan?
Isn't she still getting royalties from 'Nailin' Palin?'
Those 15 minutes expired a long time ago …
This is scary! What if she reinvents her herself – and comes back as something worse? Like…like…
Even though 15 minutes can seem like a decade, it ends eventually.
I think she can still get a job as a stripper…in Wasilla. They looooove to see them some tig bitties there.
First: Ick, this clown again?
Second: Ick, can we PLEASE stop using that photo of her?
Third: ICK ICK ICK
All she has to do is feign running for prez again and BOOM! the world's your oyster, baby!
Pissing moose figurines in the snow is much more American than origami.
Too bad, MS3K would have had a ball with that one.
Rick Perry's already ahead of ya..
I'm in.
…Truly great guidance. My dad just always told me to yop.
The best bit of advice someone could have given me last night was "Hey dummy! Stop before finishing the bottle!" FUcking hangover.
I knew that would do it. Guten nacht und 'interrogation.'
Mine too, but I never boughgt it.
I feel mocked.
I'm sort of sober and feel mocked. It's rather mockful. I shall go yop/
Ew is correct. Please, not to use $arah and spread in the same paragraph!
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