Let’s see, what super crazy stuff has rusty robot Mitt Romney learned today about these other weird things “humans” that he so desperately wants to rule? Ooh, it’s a tricky one: gay people look just like non-gay people! Take, for instance, Bob Garon, a kindly senior citizen Mitt Romney accosted while he was lurking around a diner in New Hampshire trying to shake hands and make friends like the real humans do, because Garon was wearing a Vietnam Veterans baseball cap. Pretty safe bet, right? Garon asks Romney if he supports efforts to repeal same-sex marriage in the state, to which Mittens happily responds that boy, does he ever. Except…hm, why doesn’t Garon look appropriately impressed?

Here’s the rest of the cringe-inducing exchange, via WaPo:

Garon, who lives in Epsom, N.H., and was eating breakfast with his husband, turned to Romney and said: “If two men get married, apparently a veteran’s spouse would not be entitled to any burial benefits or medical benefits or anything that the serviceman has devoted his time and effort to his country, and you just don’t support equality in terms of same-sex marriage?”

“I believe that marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman,” Romney replied, adding, “and we apparently disagree.”

At that, a Romney aide called for him to wrap up the conversation: “Governor, we’ve got to get on with Fox News right now.”

“Oh, I guess the question was too hot,” Garon told Romney.

“No, I gave you the answer,” Romney replied. “You said you had a yes-or-no [question]. I gave you the answer.”

“You did,” Garon said. “And I appreciate your answer. And you know, I also learned something, and New Hampshire is right: You have to look a man in the eye to get a good answer. And you know what, governor? Good luck…. You’re going to need it.”

“You are right about that,” Romney said, as he stood up from the booth and headed into a side room for his interview.

Uh, admitting that you are a weird loser is not exactly how apologies work, Mittens. Pretending to be human is such hard work! [WaPo]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    "Mitt Romney Tricks Himself Into Talking To Gay Person"
    This isn't new, Mitt talks to Rick Perry all the time.

  • smitallica

    Talk to him? He just bet him ten grand!

  • memzilla

    So Mittens wants to repeal a state law allowing gay marriage? WTF about all this "States' Rights" bloviation the right wingtards continually spew?

    It's once again clear that the Rethuglicans only want "States' Rights" when it supports racial discrimination. Anything having to do with sperm and ova… well… that's when States Rights end, and we need the Federal gummint to tell us how to live.

    • Negligently_Joe

      States' Rights is just an abbreviation, duh. It stands for (Southern) States' Rights (to discriminate against any and everybody they want to, and to impose any of their public policy on unwilling other states whenever they want to).

      • nounverb911

        Needs more Texans seceding.

      • memzilla

        Ya know, I'm straight, I don't have a horse in this race, but when I see this kind of blatant discrimination, it takes me right back to Selma (Alabama, that is, not Bouvier).

        • Negropolis

          Isn't Selma (Bouvier) the lesbian?

      • Millennial Malaise

        Also too, their right to insult those same "unwilling" states until it's time for us to pay for tornado damages or Medicare.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      They believe in States' Rights, except in matters where they think that a state is Wrong.

  • mull_man

    Homosexuals aren't people, my friend

    • memzilla

      Yeah! If gays were people, there'd be a Homosexuals Inc. corporation.


      • ProgressiveInga

        Homosexuals, Inc., dba Glee.

      • dadanarchist

        Reminds me of the Bill Maher bit that GLBT folks should declare homosexuality a religion.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          Wow. That man is brilliant.

        • neiltheblaze

          Yeah – imagine the sacraments!

        • vtxmcrider

          Why not? I spend more time on my knees than them "real Christians."

    • RadioYKWE

      They were just invented in the last few decades.

      • They were Andy Warhol's first art project after the Campbell's soup cans.

      • Negropolis

        I hear they are an import of France.

    • Callyson

      If they want to be people, they should just incorporate.

    • OhNoGuy

      When some guy starts calling me "my friend" and "pal" and such like, I keep my hands a little higher. Because the sucker punch isn't far behind.

      • user-of-owls

        Or the invitation to a nice little game of Three Card Monte.

  • Barb

    "And you know what, governor? Good luck…. You’re going to need it.”"
    Yeah, in 2016, when Mitt runs for his first term. (again)

    • AlterNewt

      And he'll look EXACTLY the same because, you know, he's made of Space-Age Polymers.

      • Fare la Volpe

        My dad had a polymer, but the proctologist got it out.

        We named it "Mitt."

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Poor Mitt. He boarded the train to Loserville again.

    • And it's a coal fired steam locomotive, thanks to the Repubican Infrastructure Devitalization Act.

      • Negropolis

        And, it can't go faster than 35 MPH since the GOP stopped funding track maintenance.

    • OhNoGuy

      Let's hope it's the express.

  • ProgressiveInga

    MittSpeak Translation – "Corporations are people, Mr. Garon. Homos? Not so much."

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Mitt does favor the marriage between a human and a corporation, though, so the corporation can have all the benefits of marriage too.

      • I want to marry Google.
        Google Grumpe!
        It has a nice ring to it.

  • Marriage should be between a Man and a Woman! Or maybe a Man and another Woman if the first Women gets cancer. Or a Man and a new Women if the the first Woman gets a little saggy.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Between a man and a new woman. (Mitt's very modern.)

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Given Mitt's background, I'm sure he favors marriage between a man and a women and another women, and another women, and another women…….

      • This is a myth. Mormons don't do that anymore very much.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          in the open.

        • mormos

          Fun fact: Mormons no longer practice polygamy, but they never altered their religious doctrine to match that change. So in the Mormon religion, you still have to be a polygamist to go to the best heaven, a practice that will get you excommunicated.

          (there is a nifty little trick to get around this though)

          • Sounds as complicated as Catholicism.

    • arihaya

      according to Newt: marriage is between a Man (with a truck load of Tiffany's diamond), and a Woman (who has been botoxed heavily until her face is so stiff it cannot properly smile)

    • heathenette

      Or a man and several women, Mormon style.

  • sbj1964

    Mittens needs a life coach.

  • orygoon

    …or, possibly, a man and several women, right, Mittens?

  • Nostrildamus

    I don't think that uncomfortable look Mittens has is because he's talking to a homo. It's the same look he has when he interacts with any sort of organic being.

    • MrFizzy

      Then what happens when he's around Michele Bachmann?

  • MrFizzy

    I support gay marriage between Mitt Romney's hair and Lindsey Graham.

  • How dare those gays looking like ordinary citizens and wanting to be treated like them too.

    • I know right. Worst Gay Pride Parades ever!

      • And it's extra annoying when you can't tell a gay pride celebration from a Veteran's Day parade.

        • MzNicky

          That Vietnam veteran hat faked him out. No fair! Everybody knows there weren't any gays in the military back then.

    • spends2much

      Mittens is confused; since he wears Magic Underwear, he thought gay fellas all had to wear feather boas. Simple mistake. Any bigoted moron could make it.

  • sbj1964

    Mormons at the door?No Mitt it's a couple of gay guys knocking at your back door.

  • In the WaPo pic, Garon looks like he doesn't want any of Mitt's conservative cooties. I don't blame him!

  • Negligently_Joe

    The worst part for Mitt was that he got the gay cooties all over him! I bet he wishes we could make them all wear something, so that we can tell them apart. Badges, or pieces of flair, or something.

    • What do you think Magic Underwear is for? Wicks Away The Gay.™

    • PubOption

      Badges such as pink triangles?

  • sbj1964

    I had a Co-worker come out of the closet at work .I asked him if it was difficult being gay? He said "No,you just have to push a little harder."

  • PrimlyStable

    The fact that his "get away from awkward conversation with a gay person" excuse was "I need to talk to Fox News" says much about 21st century America.

  • Mojopo

    BOOM! Hats off to Mr. Garon. May he and his husband celebrate the end of marriage inequality someday soon.

    • Rotundo_

      May they celebrate it with the secure knowledge that the veterans benefits he earned are there for his survivors, especially his husband.

  • Rotundo_

    Mitt, like most most game animals, was fooled by the camoflage and scent before being taken down by this expert hunter. The appearance of conservative foliage in the background along with Old Spice covering his scent lured him into the perfect position and it was all over with before Mitt knew it was happening. All of the Occupy folks should take note, a John Deere or Cat Diesel Power cap will get you in close for the video take down shot*. Get them comfortable being the fucking pigs they are and get it on tape!

    *Alternately a nicely tailored suit, Republicans like bubbas, Robber Barons like weasly little shits in suits.

  • arihaya

    $10000 bet Mitten thought that all Vets are raging jingoistic, Jesus-freak wingnuts

    • Guppy

      Because those are the only people who got drafted.

    • grex1949

      Don't ever try to pigeon-hole a vet, if you don't want to make a serious mistake.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Now cornholing a vet, that I've done quite a few times.

        • vtxmcrider

          You look like a dedicated patriot. Good job!

  • veence69

    f*cking SNAP!

  • RadioYKWE

    He didn't seem to have this problem in Gay Paree during the Vietnam War.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It was also pretty clear at the time the Constitution was written that a person who played the flute was called a flautist, that women wore petticoats under their bustles, that tomatoes were poisonous, and that barnacles grew into geese. None of those things is true today, Mitt, and I have no freakin' idea why invoking a document in which the definition of marriage does not appear somehow enshrines that or any of the other foolish ideas I just mentioned.

    • Guppy

      There were also no Mormons at the signing.

    • OhNoGuy

      Foolish ideas are all he has, don't take that away from him!! <sob>

  • Tommmcattt

    This should totally be a sitcom.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      "Ones a Mormon Politician, who desperately wants to be president, except no one in his party likes him.

      "The other is a married Vietnam vet, but he is married to another dude!

      "Tonight on CBS, find out if these two can ever get along when a blizzard in New Hampshire forces them to spend a weekend in a cabin together

      Hey! You're the Freak!, at 9:30 after Two and a Half Men.

      • Geminisunmars

        Nah – this is too well written and conceptualized.

      • Tommmcattt

        Oh my god YES!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Which part does Charlie Sheen play?

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I was figuring Alex Baldwin as Mitt Romney, so I guess Charlie would play Newt Gingrich?

          • RadioYKWE

            For some reason I've got Steve Guttenberg as the vet and Richard Dreyfus as the politico.

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I think we have the next must seeTV!

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          All of them, Katie.

      • I would so watch that.

      • vtxmcrider

        The Magic Underwear gets put to the test.

  • El Pinche

    “Governor, we’ve got to get on with Fox News right now.”

    That's code for. "Snfff. Uh oh. Time to change the magic underwear, again. *clap* WIPERS!"

  • arihaya

    isn't Mitten also a Vietnam Veteran?

    he bravely fought a Vietcong incursion in a French countryside isn't he

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Everyone knows that real action in Vietnam was at the Paris Peace talks. And in honor of their father, all of Mitt's sons refused to serve in the military despite our continuous wars, so that they could serve him first.

    • His own private Dien Bien Phu.

    • OhNoGuy

      The next in a long, proud line of Republican chicken hawks. Who are way too dim to be ashamed.

  • Extemporanus

    You know what makes Mitt's "Get A BRAIN!! GORAN" hauxmaux pas all the more moranically oblivious?

    The name of the goddamn diner is Chez Vachon!

    (From their website:

    "It's Holiday Pie Time!"

     "Chez Vachon has great gifts.  Food and jewelry one stop shopping!!"

    "Our Fruit Puffs are divine!! Try them for yourself.")

    • Biff

      OMG, fruit puffs!

      • Extemporanus

        "Chez Vachon…where you are always home [oh]!"


    • bagofmice

      It is music. I think.

      Although to be truthful, my definition of music includes Merzbow.

      • Extemporanus

        Yo, Mitt Romney…YOU GOT SERB'D!

  • Troglodeity

    Mitt has a haunted, ashamed look in his eyes as he's talking with this veteran. A look that says: "I used to support gay rights, but I've had to sell my soul to try to win this damn election – and now I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself."

    • Mitt has a haunted, ashamed look in his eyes as he's talking with this veteran.

      Agreed… except I detect this same look in his expression every time he opens his trap, no matter the occasion or the context.

    • vtxmcrider

      Robots don't feel such emotions. They also don't think.

  • Biff

    This is bullshit. Everyone knows there were no gays in the military until Bill Clinton put them there.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Mitt's campaign just bought all the Purell in Epsom.

  • salt_bagel

    "I believe marriage is between a man and/or corporation and a woman and/or corporation."

  • JackObin

    I want to force Mitt to drink alcohol while reading "God is Not Great." Maybe then he'll know what it is to be human.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      All the Tin Man needed was a watch shaped like a heart.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The good thing about having to do the FOX News thing is that most of their ghayez are closeted and self-loathing (cf. Andrew Breitbart, Dick Morris, Ann Coulter).

  • owhatever


  • OneYieldRegular

    This? Now? When I'm not yet over wanting to rip the toupee off Rick Perry's head for his having insulted ALL veterans in his Brokeback Mountain Christmas commercial?

  • Callyson

    "No, actually, I think at the time the Constituti­on was written it was pretty clear that marriage is between a man and a woman"
    Um, really, you want to go there, Mittens? Because there were a few other things that were pretty clear at the time the Constituti­on was written…­the acceptance of slavery and the rejection of women's right to vote among them…

    • Fare la Volpe

      Yeah, Mitt, and how many of the Founding Fathers were Mormon?

      I thought so…

  • “Governor, we’ve got to get on with Fox News right now.”

    Lamest. Excuse. Ever.

  • dadanarchist

    “I believe that marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman"

    In that case, shouldn't Mitt's marriage be annulled on the grounds that robots aren't men, and only men and women can get married?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey Mitt, you touched a gay guy. You know that shit's contagious, right, and it's transmitted by handshakes and casual conversation? Ha ha, fag-to-be!! Betcher gonna be changing your anti-gay tune! Oh, wait, yer a Republican, you'll just hide it and keep hatin'.

  • sbj1964

    The GOP ,should change it's name to the ICP. ( Insane Clown Posse)

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Would that make the GOP's fan club the Teabagalos?

      • sbj1964

        Well we know it ain't NWA !

        • HistoriCat

          How about HWA or CWA?

    • Negligently_Joe

      Violent J/Shaggy 2 Dope 2012!

      "Immigration Magnets: how do they work?"

  • Callyson

    Also, speaking of Vietnam…a little history about the person lecturing the veteran:
    As the Vietnam War raged in the 1960s, Mitt Romney received a deferment from the draft as a Mormon "minister of religion" for the duration of his missionary work in France, which lasted two and a half years.
    Before and after his missionary deferment, Romney also received nearly three years of deferments for his academic studies. When his deferments ended and he became eligible for military service in 1970, he drew a high number in the annual lottery that determined which young men were drafted. His high number ensured he was not drafted into the military.

    • He got that high number the same way Tebow wins football games. THAT'S THE WAY GOD WANTS IT!!1!

  • Not_So_Much

    So, this means Mitt is gay now, right? Because he made a choice to talk to that guy?

  • DemonicRage

    This interview shows the 10 million mile gap between the current Administration and the would-be Romney Administration. Romney wants to go back to the way that people in 1776 viewed gay people (sodomites/ hang them). Obama, on the other hand, just last week, directed the State Department to link Foreign Aid to how Foreign governments treated Gays, Lesbians and Transsexuals. If Romney is elected, you will never hear him mention the last three, just as Reagan never acknowledged that AIDS was decimating the gay population during his reign.

  • rocktonsam

    gotcha question.
    Mittens was thrown off by the flannel shirt

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Three Laws of Romney:

    1. A Romney may not injure a corporation or, through inaction, allow a corporation to come to harm.

    2. A Romney must obey the orders given to it by human beings or corporations, except where such orders are from homos.

    3. A Romney must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

    • Isaac asimov ftw.

    • 4. A Romney shall not travel inside a wheeled-conveyance with a canine species.

    • Come here a minute

      5. You do not talk about Romney Club.

  • A lovely situation for Mitt and his handlers–trailing a bunch of press, he decides to do some handshaking, walks up to a table with a gay couple and asks to join them. It isn't that things went downhill for Mitt from there–it is that the floor opened up and dropped him into GOP hell.

    Ha, ha, fuck you Mitt and many happy returns.

  • Come here a minute

    That was weak, Mitt Romney! Rick Perry would have fought this old queer for preventing our kids from openly celebrating Christmas or praying in school.

    • vtxmcrider

      Rick Perry would have slipped the vet his phone number while shaking his hand.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I thought the R's knew better than to interact with the public.

  • Bluestatelibel

    I hear the new Mitt Romney 3.0 promises to be far more lifelike and will be able to engage in life-like banter with the humans. Eh, probably will be just a piece of shit like the current one.

  • DaRooster

    (Psst… Mitt… All gay people talk with a lithp… thath how you tellth…)

  • neiltheblaze

    Poor Mittens. The guy should have been wearing a hot pink jogging suit with hair like Richard Simmons. Then Mitt would have clued in.

  • Mittens is gettig worn down by reality.

  • Soylent Green

    Oooo burn! Must've been a Gingrich plant. Just like that little kid and Bachmann.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    No fair! They tricked mittens by not being all femmy and lispy and wearing purple and rainbows and having non-limp wrists. NO FAIR!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Marriage is between a man and a woman? Then how do you explain Michele and Marcus, smartypants?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Somebody needs to put the software patch into the Mitt-bot tonight, his human emulations still aren't quite right. Is that "gaydar" subroutine ready yet?

  • user-of-owls


    And here I was led to believe that the word, "moment" referred to isolated segments of time rather than, say, all of it.

  • OhNoGuy

    And ineligible to be a Mormon. (After we found the golden plates and all, of course.)

  • Negropolis

    Can I just say that when someone complains about their not being differences between the two parties, it's videos like this that remind us that there are? For whatever their issues, this would never happen to a Democrat. They might not agree with you, but they'd never look visibly uncomfortable as if they'd seen as ghost just by finding out the person they are talking to is gay or whatever.

    Republicans always look so guilty when they talk to minorities of any kind, and it's because they are. It remains a blemish on them that the so-called party of freedom and liberty is only for freedom and liberty within the very narrowest of confines as to the people those ideals applies to.

    How they are able to keep up the appearance that they represent enough people to be a national party is beyond me. If our politics was more accurately structured, they'd be competitive only regionally or at the state level at best.

    “You did,” Garon said. “And I appreciate your answer. And you know, I also learned something, and New Hampshire is right: You have to look a man in the eye to get a good answer. And you know what, governor? Good luck…. You’re going to need it.”

    Get on with your bad self, Mr. Garon. And, in typical Romeny fashion, he gives a really weird, awkward and non-human reply back to him.

    • fuflans

      If our politics was more accurately structured, they'd be competitive only regionally or at the state level at best.

      also: nascar. they will always be popular at nascar.

  • fuflans

    you know, i'm actually thinking there's a chance mittens may lose this. been a bad week.


  • Negropolis

    Mitt Romney interacting with a real, live gay in the wild is pretty awesome, but it doesn't have anything on the time that Peggy Nonnon saw a Mexican.

  • ttommyunger

    Mitt just can't seem to catch a break. A gay guy with a VNam cap on? Did not compute in the Mittster's brain. Total asshole.

  • BornInATrailer

    FINALLY. My state on Wonkette where a native isn't making me cringe with shame.

  • vtxmcrider

    Nah, gay guys would not want Mittens' back door. It is full of Santorum.

  • BZ1

    I liked the Mitt who strapped his dog to the roof of his car for a 12-hour (yes, 12-hour) trip with the family. The brown stuff leaked on the window at one point, and he stopped to flush out the dog.. oh, I can't go on …

  • vtxmcrider

    Needs moar Fudge.

  • randomsausage

    I guess when Mittens was assembled they forgot to install the gay-dar!

Previous articleNewt Gingrich Promises To Stop Cheating On His Wives & Stop Getting Divorces All the Time
Next articleNobody Wants To Buy Sarah Palin’s Dumb New Reality Teevee Show