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Serial-divorcing creep Newt Gingrich just can’t stop taking advantage of the women who work for him — it’s the only way a toad like Newt can get any tail! — but this is apparently a problem with the conservative Family Values crowd. What to do? Well, this time, during his third marriage and after two divorces he instigated while carrying on affairs, old fatso the clown has sworn on a stack of bibles (literally, we’re sure) that he will stop fucking all these staffer women, and that he will stay married to that latest staffer woman he was schtupping while married to somebody else. Well these sound like excellent scruples, don’t they?

Gingrich Pledges Not To Commit Infidelity A Third Time, Reaffirms Opposition To Marriage Equality

As Iowa’s FAMiLY Leader prepares to endorse a presidential candidate ahead of the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses, Newt Gingrich has issued a statement affirming the Leader’s pledge to oppose marriage equality for gays and lesbians, deny women access to abortion, and reduce the debt.

The “debt,” in this case, is neither his moral debt nor his whore-trinket quarter-million tab at Tiffany’s; this sperm whale is apparently discussing the Federal Debt. UPDATE: And here’s one of his old mistresses ratting him out in the new National Enquirer. [Think Progress via Wonkette operative Monsieur Grumpe]

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