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The whole debate, in a minute! That’s as much time as anybody should really have to spend thinking about the latest Republican Dimbulb Derby, which was broadcast on Saturday night to an audience of people who were unable to find the remote. At least everybody piled on the fat crying amoral jewelry-debt baby Newt Gingrich, who was probably divorcing his latest wife via text message live on teevee. What else did the numbnuts say during Saturday’s GOP debate? The answers may repulse you!

How can Rick Perry prove that Newt Gingrich is “right” when it comes to the fact that the Palestinians were invented in Season Five of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Easy! He just needs to jabber incoherently about the Chinese and the Russians, in Iran.

What about Doctor Ron Paul? Could he maybe get out his magic libertarian scalpel and, say, dicing the fat slag Newt Gingrich into hundreds of tiny hypocritical pieces?

Who wants America to be destroyed, finally? WE DO, obviously. This country sucks. It’s ungovernable, it’s run by kleptocrats and war criminals, it really should be dismantled. Why not elect Ron Paul and let him dismantle the federal government? It is EVIL, after all. It’s not like it can be saved. (Haha, we tried that in 2008!) Then the smart people can move to the good states/nations, which will have nationalized health care and social welfare and wise environmental policies, etc., and the dumb people can stay where they are and all die of diabetes in their early teens, the end.

Sorry the Wonkette Team couldn’t “get it together” to live-blog this thing. But face it, nobody wants to sit at home on a Saturday night and watch these gross crooks for 90 minutes or even a single minute, right? And you didn’t watch it either, we bet! So here’s the whole thing, why not waste an hour or so “on the job” by cursing quietly at your computer?


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