FEAR WINS AGAIN  3:07 pm December 12, 2011

Crappy Retail Chain Lowe’s Sorry If Anyone Is Upset They Hate Muslims

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Here's a good slogan for the next Lowe's ad campaign, hey!Recently a group of American Jesus fans in, yes, Florida became upset during the course of their hundred-plus hours of television viewing each week when they discovered some new reality teevee show with the controversial premise “American Muslims are regular family people,” because why should some Muslims get to be normal when evangelical Christians have to be so insane all the time? NOT FAIR. So… maybe just “change the channel to one of four hundred other concurrently running programs,” if you insist on being a weepy bigot? Ha ha, NO. These turds, the “Florida Family Association,” immediately protested, and incredibly enough one of the program’s advertisers, awful retail chain Lowe’s, decided that it, too, was so “pro-family” that they needed to get rid of its ads on this show, about families. But they apologize, on Facebook, if anyone somehow got the weird impression that their company is run by spineless assholes!

Bet they are very glad Facebook hasn’t yet gotten around to adding a “phuck you” button to their platform yet! Here’s their awkward statement:

It appears that we managed to step into a hotly contested debate with strong views from virtually every angle and perspective – social, political and otherwise – and we’ve managed to make some people very unhappy. We are sincerely sorry. We have a strong commitment to diversity and inclusion, across our workforce and our customers, and we’re proud of that longstanding commitment.

Lowe’s has received a significant amount of communication on this program, from every perspective possible. Individuals and groups have strong political and societal views on this topic, and this program became a lighting rod for many of those views. As a result we did pull our advertising on this program. We believe it is best to respectfully defer to communities, individuals and groups to discuss and consider such issues of importance.

Thanks, Lowe’s PR person who hates his/her life right now! Except the statement is missing the sentence where they say they will run the ads again, because fear, always fear. And now a California Senator is calling for a boycott, hooray!

Buzzfeed has also helpfully culled a collection of the batshit Facebook comments for the masochistically-inclined.

Oh well, Lowe’s is sure to enjoy a bump in wingnut business in Florida, on all those foreclosed homes no one owns anymore! [AP/ Facebook]

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 183 comments }

nounverb911 December 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I've always hated Lowe's. Do I get extra credit?

CommieLibunatic December 12, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Me too! I was always angry that they never carried pre-cut lengths of PVC pipe like Home Depot. I spit on them as a spud gunsmith and PVC… uh, artisan? Yeah, let's go with that.

Generation[redacted] December 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I have to admit I have never spent money out of my local credit union checking account there.

Dudleydidwrong December 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I have spent a lot–lot–of money at the goddamn place, but will spend no more. Home Depot may not be any better and they are a little farther away but dagnabbit I'll go there before I drag another fucking nail, screw, or bolt from the fucking assholes. The local hardware stores are going to be the first choice but don't have much lumber. I'll just borrow from my neighbor's stash…

TanzbodenKoenig December 12, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Hipster.

bagofmice December 15, 2011 at 2:23 am
PuckStopsHere December 12, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Let's build something together" Yeah, something made out of hate.

anniegetyerfun December 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

A hatebread house for the holidays!

Redrighthand December 13, 2011 at 12:14 pm

How about a new reich?

Chillwaver December 12, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I always thought Wingnuts preferred Home Deport over (Sharia)Lowe's.

(Ironically enough, Wingnuts also love the cheap Messican labor found in the parking lots of these chains)

Jukesgrrl December 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

The so-called American Family Association has been running a longtime and heated nationwide boycott of Home Depot for several years. HD got the message that gay people are big on home improvement, so they've been donating to local gay pride parades. Which according to the AFA means they are trying to ruin heterosexual marriage and turn children gay. On the other hand, Home Depot's chairman is very anti-labor unions — supposedly the reason they build shelters for undocumented workers outside their stores and allow them to solicit business). Also he's said to be anti-Palestinian, so it's really hard to decide whether HD or Lowe's is worse. They both contribute to conservative candidates.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Anti-Palestinian? Naturally. Arthur Blank is an AIPAC-American.

(Has to atone for his love of Michael Vick.)

Barb December 12, 2011 at 3:10 pm

What a bunch of Lowe Lives they are.

ManchuCandidate December 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm

That's a Lowe blow.

nounverb911 December 12, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Rob Lowe?

FlownOver December 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

#Lowesblowsalot

Mumbletypeg December 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

As if acknowledging how low the working life there gets — I've heard more than one employee acquaintance refer to them with contempt as "Blowe's."

nounverb911 December 12, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Has the “Florida Family Association" discovered Wonkette's Olivia Munn ads yet?

Chillwaver December 12, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Just imagine how many New Zealand Lesbians you could impregnate using that ad!

chicken_thief December 12, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Hand me another jar – QUICK!!!

~ Bill Johnson

Callyson December 12, 2011 at 3:14 pm

FFS, first Home Depot funds a bunch of wingnuts, then this. Is there *any* store where a person can shop in peace? Or should I learn how to chop wood and take shop classes next time I want to do some work on the place I live in?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Manards is a kind of local very large box hardware store in the Midwest. I found out the owners hang out with the Kochs.
http://www.menards.com/main/home.html

Where will I get my foam insulation now?

Extemporanus December 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm

TRUE STORY: My high school social studies teacher was busted at the Menard's (or, as we called it, "Maynerd's") behind my house for stealing three 69 cent wingnuts (seriously!), which he claimed to have absentmindedly stuck in his pocket whilst shopping and forgotten about.

Fucking wingnuts!

Monsieur_Grumpe December 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Did they cut off his hands?

Extemporanus December 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Worse.

They posted a black & white photocopy blow-up of his driver license — emblazoned with a big ol' scarlet red "THIEF!" — on the employee break room "Wall of Shame". At the time, almost every single person working there was a current or former student of his.

Needless to say, he went into real estate and is dead now.

OneDollarJuana December 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

As far as I can tell, every big box store chain is mostly evil, with the possible exception of Costco, which is only a little bit evil.

Jukesgrrl December 12, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Unfortunately, one can't buy lumber or bricks at Costco. They are, however, a reasonable alternative for the purchase of such things as window treatments, flooring, and kitchen remodeling — reasons many go to HD and Lowe's. Personally, I get most of that stuff at IKEA because they are godless, sex-obsessed Scandinavians. IKEA also depicts gay couples, the elderly, and the disabled in their catalogs — who knew THEY had houses? As for wingnuts and loose screws, there are enough of them on TV — who needs 'em?

OneDollarJuana December 13, 2011 at 10:31 am
JustPixelz December 12, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Think globally. Shop for home improvement goods locally..

Extemporanus December 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Fuck Home Despot — Ace is the place with the halal hardware man!

Biff December 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm

My local Ace is now closed on Sunday. wtf…

glamourdammerung December 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Local Ace/True Value stores if you got them. They are a chain, but they are also independently owned and operated as a co-op. Also depending on the location (since they are all independent), they may have a shop there that does odd stuff like fix lamps and things like that.

Jukesgrrl December 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm

But again, you can't buy lumber, stonemason stuff, etc. at Ace/True Value. You couldn't possibly build furniture, patios, etc., with stuff you buy there. I always go to Ace for repair stuff, but even in garden items they are very limited — at least where I live.

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Good news for me is, if I weren't a broke renter, I could just buy local; with the added bonus that in El Barrio, that means really making wingnuts fume, by going to a local construction store owned by brown people.

And, given the neighborhood, there's even odds that the guys who work there are documented immigrants, and yet (horror of horrors!) being small business owners and employees, they still earn a fair wage for their work!

glamourdammerung December 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

You can usually either get things through them (though it might require special ordering) or they can point you to a local source though.

ManchuCandidate December 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

How Lowe can they Go?

ttommyunger December 13, 2011 at 7:46 am

A man can't shilly-shally around if he's going to beat you to the punch, M.C.

Nostrildamus December 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

This show now definitely wins the award for revealing what it's like to be Muslim in America.

Texan_Bulldog December 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Yeah, well that fucking show about the Duggars offends every sensibility I have, but you don't see me whining about it.

ManchuCandidate December 12, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Maybe you should… assuming life has no meaning or purpose for you.

That wacky family. needs a TV show to pay for all those kids.

Texan_Bulldog December 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Basically, it's just too painful to watch to figure out advertisers to boycott. But I'm going to go out on a limb and assume lots of baby products and junk food producers, which I avoid anyway.

Steverino247 December 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

The uterus is not a clown car.

Biff December 12, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Neither should be the debates, but there we are.

Steverino247 December 12, 2011 at 9:21 pm

She needs better jizz. Get that creep back from New Zealand…

GOPCrusher December 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I guess the number 19th Duggar ended in a miscarriage. I can only imagine that the whole clan will soon be under arrest as accessories to murder.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 4:25 pm

God's sending her twins next time, to make up for this one…

slithytoves December 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I have whined about it, constantly and to everyone who will listen. To no avail, they just keep on fucking.

MrFizzy December 12, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Michelle's cooter echoes at this point, so not whining is good. And I know that doesn't make any sense.

ShitFilledExistence December 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I just bought a heat gun there yesterday. If it wasn't already used, I'd return it. Fuckers.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Throw it in a bathtub full of water, then take it back and tell them it fucked up your fuse box and they owe you a new circuit breaker to boot.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I say poor some gas on it and burn it. When you return it threaten to sue.

OzoneTom December 12, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I know, this sucks — I just bought 3 $50 gift cards to send to nephews.

SorosBot December 12, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Will this endless persecution of small-minded Christian bigots by people who are not them insisting they actually have rights that should be respected never end?

mereoblivion December 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I call a boycott of you till I can figure out what you just said.

Spurning Beer December 12, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I hear that all the lumber at Lowe's is halal.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Well, Lowe's is pretty big into the NASCAR, too, so it's not like this comes as a great surprise.

mayor_quimby December 12, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Very good point, can't have the Jesus people picketing at the big ol' Lowes Speedway.
Plus, how much hardware do muslins buy anyway? Tents don't need a lotta building material.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Yeah, they can get all their home accessories at Cabela's.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 12, 2011 at 5:19 pm

NASCAR is run by Muslims?

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Worse. Juan Pablo Montoya is MESSICAN*.

*Colombian.

Biff December 12, 2011 at 6:35 pm

So is Home Despot, so is Menard's. Can't escape it.

sbj1964 December 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I have always been a HomeDepot fan.Jimmy Johnson drives for team HATE.

SorosBot December 12, 2011 at 3:21 pm

This news makes me sad; I mean, I love Parks and Recreation, to hear that Rob Lowe's a bigot is very disappointing.

chicken_thief December 12, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I always thought he was a douche, but then I saw him on Californication and he (his character) was pretty cool. Go figure.

Mumbletypeg December 12, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Isn't L-O-W-E-S some kind of anagram for "We slow."? (Damn you, Scrabble!)

memzilla December 12, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Your move, Arizona.

[Geez, it's like watching a ping-pong ball of wingnuttery bouncing back and forth between these two alleged "states"]

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

On the buttery side of the bread, though, they will continue to advertise on COPS.

MzNicky December 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

The straightness of priorities must always be maintained.

SorosBot December 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

And their customers will continue to star on COPS.

Antispandex December 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I think it shows the kind of strength I've come to expect from corporate America.

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Corporations are people too, my friend, they're just also complete assholes.

Not_So_Much December 12, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I got nothin'. This is my favorite local store with great people on staff there. But their HQ is in the middle of dingle-berry, shitkicker, inbred, redneck North Carolina and it sure shows here. I'm shedding Rustoleum™ tears of sadness.

FakaktaSouth December 12, 2011 at 3:25 pm

This gives me a headache. The REASON this show exists is to make people stop being such ignorant intolerant buttholes. Buttholes don't WANT to stop being buttholes and now people who sell lumber are cow-towing TO THE BUTTHOLES and then defending THEIR RIGHT TO BE BUTTHOLES, because, tolerance.

DaRooster December 12, 2011 at 3:27 pm

They have no problem with Ahmed Hassan hanging out at their store trying to find folks for Yard Crashers… sounds Muslin.

mayor_quimby December 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

That shit is going to be awkward!

Tommmcattt December 12, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Expecting the American Family Association to behave rationally is the exact logical conjugate to expecting your dog not to eat good-smelling poo.

And a hearty "Hear-Hear" to the good senator from Redondo Beach.

poncho_pilot December 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

i'd boycott them but i already save big money at Menard's.

memzilla December 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Rest easy, wingtards! Lowe's will continue to stock many of the materials you need to build and operate your meth labs.

Come to think of it, Oxycontin and methamphetamine do explain a lot of what's going on in Red State America: paranoia and dain bramage.

ManchuCandidate December 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Actually, consuming too much fat and crappy food makes you crazy too.

Alzheimer's Disease is to the brain as heart disease is to the heart.

Blueb4sunrise December 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Hey, I just had an idea for TV Show

First Hindu chaplain in US military is 'groundbreaking'

[auto play video]
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16099481

anniegetyerfun December 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I kept trying to post that to FB last night, and then I realized that there was nothing I could say about it that didn't make me incredibly sad.

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Bigots aren't happy until everyone else is a bigot too — and by force if necessary. It's a good think that Jawohl's (or however you spell the store's name) understands this is part of what made America great.

GOPCrusher December 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Sadly, these Xtians wingnuts don't see themselves as bigots. They're just having a mature discussion on the ever present threat of creeping Sharia.

chicken_thief December 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I hate people like that.

LabRodent December 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Somewhere Arthur Blank is smiling his ass off.

OkieDokieDog December 12, 2011 at 3:32 pm

“American Muslims are regular family people” hahaha. Very funny, Mr. Teevee Exec. Not in white Xtian America they ain't.

sbj1964 December 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I don't understand Muslims are so warm,and friendly a people wouldn't hurt a fly.A wonderful open minded group of peaceful folk.

CommieLibunatic December 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

God, the comments in that Buzz Feed article!

Re No.3: Those are some pretty nice, uh, "rags" they're wearing. Nice colors.
Re No.4: I love this whole "go home" argument pitched at natural-born citizens.
Re No.9: First Amendment say WHAAAAAAT

poncho_pilot December 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

you gays need to understand the number of muslins is raising. okay, gays?

coron4 December 12, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I'm wondering how genuine those Facebook comment's are, though. Theres a distressing shortage of apostrophe's, to say nothing of comment's in ALL CAP'S.

CommieLibunatic December 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I think that's Poe's Law in action, wherein sarcasm becomes indistinguishable from batshit fanaticism without obvious indicators like smilies.

Mort_Sinclair December 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Actually, this is a disappointment. As a home moaner with a money pit house, I make frequent trips to Lowe's instead of going to crazy right-wing evangelical bullshit donating Home Depot, which is closer. Thought I was doing the right thing, shopping "blue" and all. Now what? Sucks, that's what.

anniegetyerfun December 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

All I can say is that life in a yurt isn't that bad.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

♫Ace is the Place with the Helpful Hardware Man♪

Mojopo December 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

No local stores? Like a Mom and Pop place? I found one. In case anyone is in Chicagoland, shoot me, but Imma plug Schauer's Hardware in Forest Park, IL. They treat me like a nice lady.

Lucidamente1 December 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I mean, come on, Muslims are an invented people.

qwerty42 December 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Geeze, these nuts just live for the hysteria. I suppose this so-called “Florida Family Association" is just promoting traditional values. Like hate and stupidity. As for Lowe's, can't really imagine what they thought caving the nuts would get them.

slowhansolo December 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I mean, seriously now. Is it really necessary, in our Neo-American society, to have to stretch this hard to find something to be outraged about?

Mojopo December 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I really hope this stupidity costs them money. They sold me an out-of-stock dishwasher, and when it finally came the installation was a nightmare. Their installer actually busted a valve and TOOK OFF without completing the jerb. I had to get another plumber to fix it, and he said (pretty much), "Anyone who DID NOT learn plumbing in prison should have been able to figure this out." Since then I made a point of inspiring people to avoid Lowe's as much as possible. I had no idea they were racists, too.

GOPCrusher December 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I guess the fact that they have their name plastered all over the hood of a NECKCAR, didn't clue you in?
Or are you one of the fortunate ones that don't own a television?

Mojopo December 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I had to look up Neckcar.

Indiepalin December 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Lowe's in Albuquerque is also being boycotted by Chem Teacher / Meth Cooker Walter White in response to their taking the Muriatic Acid off the shelves.

poncho_pilot December 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

but i was going to get a new bath tub from Lowe's after i…umm…dissolved a hole in mine…

Baconzgood December 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

So Jesus message about loving thy fellow man is lost on the carpentry industry…..

anniegetyerfun December 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Oh, well done.

slowhansolo December 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Plumb on the level!

Barrelhse December 12, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Even though his father, Joseph, was in the union.

bagofmice December 15, 2011 at 2:36 am

Hung like a missing apostrophe.

imissopus December 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

This morning for no reason at all I felt a tiny sliver of compassion and even love for humanity. Then I took a look at that Buzzfeed page and now I hate everyone again. Thanks, Lowes! I'll lift a hemlock martini in your honor at Happy Hour.

actor212 December 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Lowe's: Let's Build Something Together….How about a mosque?

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

It doesn't really count as a boycott if I don't shop there because I'm a penniless renter and therefore never actually need to do home improvement work, does it? I kinda really wish it did.

Dudleydidwrong December 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I'll not-shop for you.

JustPixelz December 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Lowes' slogan is "Never stop improving". FAIL. Also, my kitchen suddenly looks great. Avocado is the new stainless steel.

actor212 December 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

The color or the smeared vegetable?

bagofmice December 15, 2011 at 2:37 am

You let it dry out?

Goonemeritus December 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

From a pure business prospective it’s best not to damage your brand by involving it in an unrelated issue. Once you find your company in that position the cowardly approach goes out the window and the choice you make defines you. Lowes chose to side with a vocal bigoted minority and hence deserves to be regarded with contempt.

MzNicky December 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Eh, the Lowe's store here has rude salespeople who never know anything anyway. Fuck 'em.

JustPixelz December 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

It makes me actually insane when I see people on teevee cavalierly ordering up $50,000 kitchen remodels "because they entertain a lot" and (apparently) can't cook without granite counter tops. Besides the environmental impact of sending the old appliances, cabinets, countertops, flooring and tile into the landfill, there's the conspicuous consumption (on teevee!) of spending the median American income on remodeling masturbation. (Like I said, insane.)

starfanglednut December 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

They're remodeling masturbation? I haven't heard anything about it.

Salacious Crumb December 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"It appears that we managed to step into a hotly contested debate with strong views from virtually every angle and perspective – social, political and otherwise – and we’ve managed to make some people very unhappy."

Attn Lowe's: DO NOT put out flaming bag of dogdoo with your foot.

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Of course, they could have ignored the wingnut hatemail and not "stepped into the debate", rather than weaselly suggesting that it's the fault of people who are criticizing you for bucking to overt, completely over-the top lunatic bigotry right now. But, expecting a major retail chain to handle (literal!) hate mail with the aplomb of a random blog or small-circulation newspaper is apparently too fucking much to ask.

Seriously, I love the equivelancy-drawing in that sentence, between neofascists angry at a documentary that depicts muslims as not particularly different than any other recent-generation-American family, rather than the insidious terrorists trying to spread terrorism and sharia that the wingnuts just *know* really they are; and those of us who are saying, "Hey, maybe you shouldn't cave to paranoid fascists quite that quickly and doesn't it kinda say something meangingful that you did?". THOSE POSITIONS ARE CLEARLY EQUIVALENT TO EACH OTHER.

"Strong views from virtually every angle and perspective," indeed. Ugh.

meatlofer December 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Great! Now where am I going to get my fertilizer.

Nostrildamus December 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Any GOP debate.

Generation[redacted] December 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

It was a tough choice. If they drop their adds from the show, they lose customers who buy shelves and picture hangers. If they don't, they lose customers who buy fertilizer and diesel fuel in bulk.

Extemporanus December 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Haha, joke's on you, Lowe's!

All Muslims are terrorists who live in fucking caves, so they don't even need your stupid overpriced home improvement shit!

Barrelhse December 12, 2011 at 6:30 pm

And watch out, Lowe's- they're all suicide bombers, too! Ha ha.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 8:04 pm

"Camel jockeys do it in caves. I've got a dope-ass garage workshop, in America".

CapnFatback December 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Those propane tanks and bags of fertilizer ain't just gonna buy themselves.

CountryClubJihadi December 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

This BLOWES.

GregComlish December 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Has anybody else noticed the similarities between American Christian hegemony and the hegemony of Greco-Roman Paganism? I'm referring to how their spirituality was bankrupted by materialism and collusion with the political elite. In the case of the Romans, they were ultimately incapable of defending against a competing religious philosophy more grounded (for the time being) in genuine community and good works. And I think that the hollowness of the Consumer-Christian experience will also prove fertile ground for religious converts, especially during the ensuing period of severe economic stress. We are faced with the signs of incipient religious upheaval.

Some might dismiss overheated Christian rhetoric about not "bowing down and not taking a stand", but I actually do think Islam could present a real challenge to the Evangelical community's pursuit of religious hegemony.

Barrelhse December 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm

I've often noticed that.

Negropolis December 12, 2011 at 11:38 pm

I agree that the American brand of Consumer Christianity may be in trouble, but I don't think it's going to be replaced by Islam. Islam still very much has PR issues of its own, and will continue to do so until it undergoes a wholesale Rennaisance-like reformation.

I think the beneficiary of Consumer Christianity overplaying its hand and watering itself down will be agnostic theists and atheists, to be honest. I think we may be at the beginning of time where the idea of organized religion becomes largely obsolete due to our technological advancements, particularly in communications.

GregComlish December 13, 2011 at 8:44 am

I think that among the educated and comfortable, variants of principled atheism are will continue to thrive. This includes some hard-core Richard Dawkins type atheism, but also amalgamated Eastern philosophies, plus adogmatic, atheist-friendly New Age writers like Ekhart Tolle.

But during a time of economic desperation, I don't think the masses are going to go big for variants of atheism. It's just my opinion, but given a choice between accepting a shit-reality and a God who can do anything if only you truly believe, 9 out of 10 people are going to go straight to church. The three groups that stand to benefit from economic collapse are the ones with the most effective missionary outreach: Mormons, Muslims, and Evangelical Christians. They each have their strengths and challenges. I think when we're talking about the most desperate members of society, the broad PR problems of these religions (which are considerable) matter less than the skill and dedication of the outreach community.

LesBontemps December 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I knew I should have protested when Sarah Palin was showing us all them moose-limbs on the tee-vee, too, also.

OneYieldRegular December 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

That's pretty wretchedly tortured writing, even from a PR professional.

I'm reminded of the time a friend in PR called me up and said, "You're good at this kind of thing. I need to write something positive about this crappy client's commitment to the greater good to go in a press release." Me, entirely jokingly: "Oh, you mean, something like 'Such&Such Corporation is committed to making a better world for our children and for our children's children?'" Friend: "Hey, that's perfect! Thanks!" *click*

ingloriousbytch December 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

The last time most of these ignorant redneck hicks went into Lowe's was to buy lumber for crossburning.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Good thing TLC didn't make a show about a family of Jews or something. That would have been a fucking PR disaster.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Last night's Simpsons X-mas special has some pretty good gags about Sharia Law in Michigan. Good times.

crybabyboehner December 12, 2011 at 4:19 pm

That Dolores Del Rio is a real tomato!

DerrickWildcat December 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Oh look, David Caton, Executive Director of the, Florida Family Association wrote a book:
http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-addiction-pornog

He's a serial masturbator.

Rotundo_ December 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Better serial than cereal or surreal.

Extemporanus December 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm

BOYCOCK FLORIDA FAMILY ASS!!

RadioYKWE December 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

At least Christianity has advanced beyond witch burnings. But now we need to advance beyond Christianity.

real_dc_native December 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Makes me wish I had something to advertise (and the money to do it) on the Muslim family show. The when the bigots complain I could just tell them "Fuck you! I don't need your bigot money!"

Rotundo_ December 12, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I won't defend *any* "reality" television show, no matter how lofty the ideals, but my oh my has the Lowe's crew lost their balls on this one. So no one in corporate was thinking about the possibility of the bubbas getting indignant about a show portraying muslims as human beings with good qualities instead of the "Achmed the dead terrorist" shit that makes them laugh? Being that Lowe's is a good southern company, I would expect a little (perhaps even a load of?) ingrained racism, but the amateurish PR moves here are almost a bigger disappointment. Are they Fortune 500? If so, how?

Biff December 12, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Silence! I kill you!

smitallica December 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Once again proving my theory that if the organization has the word "Family" in its name, you can count on some bona fide batshit wingnuttery.

Generation[redacted] December 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Manson libel!

Negropolis December 12, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Addams Libel!

TheMightyHaltor December 13, 2011 at 12:18 am

Sly Stone Libel!

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Corleone Libel!

GOPCrusher December 12, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Wow. Dean Wormer must of put me on double secret probation. My comments are disappearing as fast as I put them in.

spends2much December 12, 2011 at 5:17 pm

What's more atheist than atheist? Cuz I'm that. Seriously, religion just looks as cute as a box of babies, sometimes.

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 5:20 pm

One comment on Buzzfeed pretty much clinched my reaction to this entire past week:

Rick Perry might not be too ashamed to call himself a Christian, but stuff like that and this is precisely why I am. (I paraphrase)

BigDumbRedDog December 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm

I don't understand why they don't just do what I do when faced with all of the stupid and/or disgusting shows on TLC. Change the channel and STFU. Oh right, because they are self rightous blowholes who literally are physically unable to STFU even if their lives depended on it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 12, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Just another case of creeping Sharia Inquisition Law.

BigDumbRedDog December 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Now where will I go to buy my fertilizer and propane?

Katydid December 12, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Just got off the phone with a very nice, probably very harrassed young man at the Lowe's corporate office in NC. 1-704-758-1000. Fax 1-336-658-4766.

I told him – very politely – what I think of their miserable spineless move, and asked him to reconsider. I was on hold for 10 minutes…they're getting lots of calls, apparently. I gave the numbers if anyone wants to join me in expressing their opinion.

Wonderthing December 12, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Aren't the Mooslums an invented people? What's the big deal? It's not as if they have rights or anything. Cause evahboddy nose only whites have rights. Mah trailer trash neighbor sez: "You start letting those people breathe, next thing they want is clean air. Pretty soon you got yer socialists killin' jobs, and marrying dogs. Then they start eating dirt just to prove something. What does Lowe's have to hide? Plenty I'll bet."

RadioYKWE December 12, 2011 at 5:37 pm

O/T, but why isn't the nation in mourning over the Duggar's losing their 20th kid person??!?

Barrelhse December 12, 2011 at 6:46 pm

YOU"RE NOT??!1!?

Katydid December 12, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Oh, and this is rich. According to the Wikipedia, the AFA and other evangelical assholes don't practice what they preach – they can boycott, when we do it we're politically correct homofascists, they want us to stay "neutral" in their culture wars- quelle surprise. Also.

Home Depot has been the subject of an American Family Association-led boycott because it has sponsored gay pride festivals.[47] AFA director of special projects Randy Sharp said, "Home Depot should be like a lot of Fortune 500 companies and simply remain neutral in the culture war — don't give money, don't give vehicles, don't lend employee support to homosexual activities on Main Street USA."

Sorry no snark, some of my best friends are Muslim, & etc.

Negligently_Joe December 12, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I can only assume that next up, Lowes is going to pull its advertising from TV shows with African-American casts, too, for not depecting Black people as violent, crude drug-addicted welfare queens and intransigently criminal baby daddies with a predeliction for violence -sexual and otherwise- against white folks who were really happier and much better off under slavery. If not now, than once they get that email from Stormfront or Breitbart asking them to.

Because that's what we're doing now, right? If you can't depict minorities in an unreasonably negative manner, don't support their depictions at all?

Troglodeity December 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I can't imagine any company in a major democratic country that would cravenly bow to bigoted threats and discriminate against adherents of a major world religion.

Oh wait, I can: In WEIMAR GERMANY.

rickmaci December 12, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Lowe's Blows!!!!

owhatever December 12, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Cleanup in aisle twelve.

fitley December 12, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I'm glad Lowes is behind the Fake Hate-Mongering Christians. They make such an annoying sound compared to real Christians who, you know like understand the Bible and it's teachings. God, a few more minutes of the Fake Hate- Mongering Christians and I would have lost my mind.

TankGurl December 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Man, I really need to get out of Florida.

Redhead December 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Oh dear lord (allah?) those comments on buzz feed gave me a headache. The stupid hurts. Literally.

johnnyzhivago December 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Damn, I bet this means they're cancelling the "How to Build a Suicide Bomb" class next Sauturday!

johnnyzhivago December 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

THANK YOU LOWES FOR STANDING UP FOR TRADDISHIONAL AMURICAN VALUS!

LIKE RELIGIOUS TOLERINCE!

(You Dumb Fucks!!!)

CapnFatback December 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Dear Wonketeers,

Snark, as I understand it, is best employed to ridicule an action, position, or attitude by following through it to the point of absurdity. The problem is that for it to be effective, you have to believe that the person being mocked has the capacity to follow through the logic and feel shame or at least guilt for their strange or outlandish behavior. I've always resisted the idea that snark is at essence masturbatory.

Here's the thing, though: I'm fairly convinced that meaningful snark is no longer possible with this crowd. We may as well be snarking at a bunch of stuffed monkeys, for all the effect it has on the societal dialogue. But they're not stuffed monkeys, are they? These people vote and they parent children. With each passing Wonkette article, I find myself gaping at the screen weeping torrents on the inside, wondering what the use of it all is.

Yours in crisis of faith (in snark),

Cap'n Fatback

ttommyunger December 13, 2011 at 7:50 am

But at least we're doing SOMETHING!

Negropolis December 12, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Oh, if only they knew how much they are like Dearborn. Dearborn, to this day, is still one of the most stereotypically bland, American suburbs you'll find, anywhere, with the only difference being that some of the store signage is in Arabic. And, if only they knew that a large part of Dearborn's Arab population is actually Maronite Christian. Between the Polish and Lebanese, it's still a Christian-majority city of 100,000.

I really don't have any snark. This is just blind ignorance.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 8:08 pm

When Rick Snyder loses his bid for re-elect to a lesbian Maronite, shit will really hit th fan.

I can't wait.

BZ1 December 13, 2011 at 10:54 am

CBC in Canada has aired for two years, a comedy series called "Little Mosque on the Prairie", wait for it, heads exploding everywhere …

WeHaveIssues December 13, 2011 at 12:19 pm

They're doubling down on their ad buy for Ru Paul's Drag Race, all balances out.

dadanarchist December 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I hear the Inquisition also went through a lot of lumber – heretics, Jews and Mohamedans don't burn themselves!

sbj1964 December 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

They have classes to teach you how.

anniegetyerfun December 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Great, now you're telling me that my favorite Chinese food is part of creeping (swimming?) sharia law?

GOPCrusher December 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

When I read about this, this AM, the first thing I thought was with all the financial difficulties that Lowe's is already going through, they want to run the risk of alienating possible customers all over the United States to kowtow to a wingnut terrorist organization in Florida?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 12, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Real estate and dead. That is not a happy ending.
Menards sucks.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2011 at 7:56 pm

But the old white-haired man in their ads is an American treasure.

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