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It's like Vitamin Water, except it makes you more stupid.

What’s this? Oh no, everyone grab hold of your weeping tissues this minute: Donald Trump is reportedly reconsidering his GOP debate comedy special after even Michele Bachmann suffered a rare fit of inspiration and declined the chance to be humiliated by one of her fellow cartoon characters. This leaves only Ol’ Frothy and Ol’ Flakey, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, to join Trump for the debate, but mechanically speaking a three-person circle jerk is just sort of difficult.

AP reports:

“I have to look into it,” Trump told Fox Business Network when asked whether he would host a two-candidate debate.

Trump was most indignant about Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann skipping out.

“She came up to see me four times. She would call me and ask me for advice,” Trump said. “She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency. Most importantly, I did a two-hour phone call for her with her people. … And after all that, she announced she was not going to do the debate. It’s called loyalty. How do you do that? It’s amazing to me.”

That’s some serious wizardry right there, Donald Trump, magically making Michele Bachmann appear to have a little bit of dignity. [AP]

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  • nounverb911

    Donald Trump: Morally, follicaly and fiscally bankrupt.

    • But not phallically. Thanks to Viagra.

      Ew, I think I just barfed.

    • prommie

      You forgot "intellectually."

  • DaveJ

    "“She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency. "

    "Fapfapfapfapfapfapfap." –every comedian currently alive

    • Generation[redacted]

      Then it will be definitely time to invest in canned food and small calibre firearms.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Except comedians Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh

    • V572 the Merciless

      At Bachmann for President HQ, this revelation is know as "the throat shot."

    • iburl

      Let's add that to the mega-list of reasons that Michele Bachman is eminently unqualified for the most important job in the world.

    • The comedians are already all-fapped-out this cycle.

    • dadanarchist

      If that happens, buy Viacom stock.

  • orygoon

    What? We will have to drink alone, without our cherished prompts?

  • tihond

    This will end with the debate being replaced by 2 hours of Trump interviewing himself, explaining why he should be the President.

    • MrFizzy

      His favorite form of masturbation, as long as he knows someone's watching.

    • user-of-owls

      Hey, I'd watch that, if you modified it slightly by replacing, "explaining why he should be the President," with "begging between pathetic sobs that he not be the first against the wall."

    • horsedreamer_1

      I liked it better the first time, when Perot did it.

    • Negropolis

      Aaaaand, the evil plan comes full circle. Bwahahahahaha….!!!

    • tessiee

      "Why are you so awesome, Eric?"
      "I don't know; I just am."
      — Eric Cartman

  • Schmannnity

    This could be good. Two hours one-on-one with Newt and Rick might reconsider his position on very late term abortions.

    • Biff

      Beck wants us to take another look at santorum, perfect opportunity.

      • tessiee

        "Beck wants us to take another look at santorum"

        If it's all the same to everyone, I don't want to take any looks whatsoever at Santorum *or* santorum.

  • littlebigdaddy

    This is a tragedy for American satirists!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I did a two-hour phone call for her with her people…

    A two hour phone call with Michele Bachman's people?

    What did they do, read the Old Testament to him?

    • Generation[redacted]

      The llama was also on the call.

    • chicken_thief

      Two hours with "her people"? And now he's shocked that she's blowing him off live?

    • Oh, like they can read. Knowing sTrumpet, it was two hours of him bloviating about himself.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I assumed that meant that they passed the phone around to each of her foster kids, and they got five minutes a piece with the Donald.

    • paris biltong

      Two hours of phone sex. Cost them a pretty penny.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Marcus isn't cheap, y'know!

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Bachmann's campaign still has people?

      • Negropolis

        Well, corporations are people (according to the Supreme Court), my friend.

    • tessiee

      "A two hour phone call with Michele Bachman's people?

      What did they do, read the Old Testament to him?"

      Count up to 50?

  • sbj1964

    That debate would have fed Donald Trumps EGO for months !

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Personally, I would love to see The Donald explain just what it is exactly, that the Vice President does every day. . .

  • chascates

    He could always ask Sarah Palin to be a pretend-candidate.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      But that is so 2008.

      • DaRooster

        Thank God!

  • spends2much

    President Bachmann, Vice President Trump.
    If that happens, it is proof that the Creator of the Universe is in fact Stephen Colbert.

    • Geminisunmars

      I was thinking more along the lines of Steven Wright.

      • tessiee

        Certainly not Stephen Hawking.

  • CarnyTrash

    Bachmann/Trump 2012. There's a ticket that's bound to go places.

    • Sue4466

      Like the nine levels of hell.

      • RavenRant

        Correction: Rick Perry assures us there are only eight levels of hell.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          and the ninth one is … wait … oops.

    • LesBontemps

      Batshit/Bullshit 2012!!!!111!!!1!1!

    • tihond

      Bachmann Trump Overdrive: You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet!

      • bikerlaureate

        It Keeps You Running.

    • snackypants

      That's a one-way ticket to Hell!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Over a cliff.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Bellevue Hospital comes to mind.

    • fuflans

      go straight to hell boys.

    • Negligently_Joe

      Over some sort of large sea animal, perhaps?

  • Donald Trump sounds like that loser on the Gawker thread yesterday, about why the babe wouldn't date him again.

    • Tundra Grifter

      That Mike sounds like quite a catch. At the very least, the king of the KlingOn tribe.

      • SorosBot

        There's a lesson in here: don't date anyone in the financial industry, not even once.

        • Tundra Grifter

          SB:

          And if you do, don't lead the other party on by being "nice." Hey, they must be big kids to make a living in the rough and tumble.

          Get 'em young, treat 'em bad, teach 'em to dance.

          • RavenRant

            If you don't plan on a second date, don't confuse him. Poke him in the eye with a cocktail straw, throw your drink in his face, and empty all the cash out of his wallet for having the nerve to waste your time.

            (There's a reason I'm single. Actually, a lot of reasons.)

          • Biff

            Hey, I'm single too, and you sound delightful.

          • RavenRant

            Delightful is not a comment I hear very often. Of course, I don't always understand all of the words they are shrieking. "Delightful' could be one of them…

            Biff, do you really look like Megs McCain 'dancing'?

          • Tundra Grifter

            R2:

            You forgot to slide the side of your shoe down his shin. When he's doubled over in pain, give 'me a quick knee to the tepee. Just for luck.

          • RavenRant

            A trick to to add to my repertoire.

          • SorosBot

            I guess if you go on a first date and find you don't like the person, you're supposed to end it with an emphatic "you suck and are big douchebag"; no being polite.

          • beavertank

            Subtlety is overrated.

          • tessiee

            There's a cartoon by the always awesome Mimi Pond where a sort of… Meat Loaf kinda guy is asking a girl, "But WHY won't you go out with me?" She answers, "Because I find you physically repulsive and an intellectual void".

    • Generation[redacted]

      This guy has some smooth moves. I'm stealing his technique:

      I hereby formally submit my request for feedback regarding our date. You may submit feedback by filling in the attached survey form. Please note the essay questions have a 1,000 word minimum. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

      • Tundra Grifter

        G[r]:

        Reminds me (in a bad way) of the Craig's List room mate who wanted the new guy to keep a log of his poops.

    • An_Outhouse

      "By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your email."

      Translation: I'm an enormous dick, in case you didn't realize it yet.

      • Further translation: I'm a total fucking stalker and will interrogate every member of your family about you in depth, should you ever be such a fool as to introduce me to them; I will also follow you on every social medium known to humanity, wait outside your apartment, and tag your car.

      • Tundra Grifter

        AO:

        An "e.d." with quite a bit of time on his hands. Guess it's going to be a while before he gets another date. With anyone.

        Just how many emails and text messages do you suppose this guy sent and left? I'm putting the over/under at 100.

        • I think the originating article said something like 78 in 3 days.

          • Tundra Grifter

            a212:

            Less than 100 isn't stalking – it's just showing that he really, really cared.

          • SorosBot

            If he left that many messages at once, it could be she was leaning towards a second date until he unleashed the crazy.

          • Tundra Grifter

            SB:

            This turbo didn't have a chance. When she said "You're nice" that was the big kissoff of 2011.

            If it's true, she doesn't have to say it.

    • Sweet Christ! That guy is seriously, um, whatever.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Well put!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Holy shit

    • Of all people, its' Marilyn vos Savant's column from ages-ago in which I read the most sensible advice ever in response to a reader's inquiry of the #1 thing you can do for emotional health. Answer: "Don't take things so personally."

      But, we're in a country whose inhabitants are as addicted to 'issues' to build neuroses around as they are to obsessively discussing ways to resolve them — so it's no surprise such advice falls on deaf ears.

    • Negropolis

      – You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

      – We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

      – You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said—that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

      – We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement.

      That whole letter was ridiculous, but this is some serious neuroses, right here. A neurotic, New York investment banker? You don't say!

      BTW, in typical Gawker fashion, some of the comments are just plain precious. Instead of just making the plain observation that the guiy is nutz, you have some of the fools trying to really think it out to see if there is someway that they can make him redeemable.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Build it, and they won't come.

  • justkillmenow

    I'm guessing that water tastes like sweat and failure.

    • Douché

      Just bankruptcy.

  • spends2much

    Anyone remember Spy magazine, back in the 80s, and it's endless mocking of Trump? They referred to him either as "Queens Born Casino Operator Donald Trump" or "Arrogant Philistine Cheeseball Donald Trump." It's been almost 30 years, and those epithets are as timely now as ever!

    • No love for "short-fingered vulgarian"?

      • That's the one I most remember.
        (Didn't really know what it meant, but it fit him like a glove.)

        • spends2much

          I can't believe I forgot that one- his arrogance is always top of mind, I guess.

          That one does indeed fit him like a short-fingered glove!

    • Negropolis

      Queens County Libel!

    • horsedreamer_1

      I thought The Donald is a Jamaica-born illegal immigrant-slash-anchor baby for a Scottsh female illegal.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I try not to mention Jon Stewart here, but his writers recently came up with "Circus Peanut wearing a badger." That was as apt as anything I have ever read.

  • mavenmaven

    True GOP, a real quitter, just like his pizza pals Cain and Palin…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Loyalty — nice angle for Trump to take, especially since he was considering screwing all the GOP candidates and running as an independent. "Where's the loyalty?" is the last weeping cry of con men and several of my former employers who mistakenly think it's a one-way street.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bachmann bids 4 NT and the crowd goes wild!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Mmmm. Trump's embarrassment has the sweet taste of unicorn tears.

  • MrFizzy

    Too bad, I was looking forward to the National Hair-Off. It certainly had potential to be amusing, and now Don has gone and ruined things.

    • tessiee

      "I was looking forward to the National Hair-Off"

      But who could even begin to compete against The Donald in a National Hair-Off? The Newt? The Mitt?

  • memzilla

    Looks like Jon Stewart's writers can leave early today.

  • Beowoof

    Sort of like taking a casino into Bankruptcy, it's easy. Trump companies have been driven into bankruptcy by Donald 4 times. I see he is bringing his business talent to political debates.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Whenever a candidate is touted as having "business experience" there's usually at least one bankruptcy buried in it, usually after said candidate unloaded the POS onto someone else.

    • RavenRant

      Any ideas on how to find out how much public money was poured into various Trump ventures?

      I really want to see a database with the total Fed, state, and local government $$$ all of these wannabe Galts have sucked up.

  • Antispandex

    When Michelle thinks your idea is dumb, it should say alot to you about your idea. Even if you are a Trump.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    What's the difference between a drawing of Lassie made out of poop and Donald Trump?

    One is a fecal collie form, and the other is a sack of shit.

  • fartknocker

    I pity the people who find the Ion Network the most wholesome TV network on cable. I'm sure they will be disappointed not spending 2-hours with these dimwits.

    On the plus side, maybe the Discovery Channel can have Mike Rowe moderate a debate and make each of the candidates do a dirty job with the 99% and explain how they would help return jobless Americans to work. I would love watching Rick Perry shoveling shit off a sewage lift pump at a water treatment plant.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Won't work, as Newt has enjoyed wallowing in shit for decades.

      As for Santorum……

      • Ruhe

        As for Santorum….the camera would certainly catch his lingering glances at Rowe's backside.

    • The Ion channel on my TV mostly shows re-runs of Criminal Minds. I don't suspect most of the viewers would have noticed much difference between Joe Mantegna trying to get into the heads of serial killers and Trump's debate — except that Joe Mantegna is much more qualified to be president than Donald Trump.

    • Negropolis

      I'd consider having to moderate a GOP debate to be dirty work enough.

  • UnholyMoses

    He already got what he wanted anyway: publicity. 'Cause that's what Publicity Whores do: anything for publicity, even if it winds up backfiring. Hell, especially when it winds up backfiring, as they get even more coverage about the implosion.

    Trump might be The Most Epic Dickface Ever, and have something resembling a cross between a Farah Faucet (Now with More Feathering!)® wig and a dead ground hog resting upon his melon, but dude knows how to work the media …

    • … which certainly doesn't say much for the media.

      • UnholyMoses

        It says quite a bit, actually.

        Just none of it good.

  • Barb

    Donald announced that Bachmann said he would be her Veep. Wouldn't that make Donald even more of a snake for hosting this event?

    • Geminisunmars

      Donald never met a conflict-of-interest he didn't like.

      • Negropolis

        ROTFLMAO! I don't know why that was so funny to me, but it was, and I don't apologize for it. lol

        • Geminisunmars

          And the truth will set your laugh free.

          • Negropolis

            Free at last; free at last; thank God Almighty I'm free at last!

    • Not to mention accusing Bachmann of violating the same law for which Newt is being pilloried.

  • Mahousu

    Donald, don't worry. It's not you; it's her.

    Well, actually, it's both of you.

    • flamingpdog

      Donald, she's not a witch, she's you.

  • It's hard to understand how several GOP candidates actually avoided walking into a train wreck.

    • Oblios_Cap

      God must be too busy determining the outcome of all of the upcoming college bowl games to pay attention to this sort of thing.

      • chicken_thief

        Figuring out how Tebow can win without any NFL skills has also occupied a considerable amount of his time lately.

        • It's easy this week: God already took out 2/3rds of the Bears. I'm sure Julius Pepper's knee will just fall off untouched as Tebow high-steps to the endzone praising Jesus.

    • prommie

      Newt was drawn to it like a fly to shit, though; he flew to New York and made his meeting with Dump public, like he was winning the Nobel Prize or something.

  • Callyson

    It’s called loyalty. How do you do that?
    Oh, I don't know, Donald…why don't you ask one of your ex – wives?

    • RavenRant

      Alternately, he could ask one of Newt's ex-wives.

  • bagofmice

    There is a way to gain power from a three person circle jerk. It is hilariously named the Wankel engine.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wankel_engine

    • BarackMyWorld

      Thanks…for that… um…

    • prommie

      I heartily approve of this comment and/or service.

    • Oh you won my *heart* with that link. Let me return the favor.. (see it cranked around 0:48 mark)

      • Geminisunmars

        Too cool! Want!

    • Thank you … I think.

    • Biff

      Which brings to mind ♫♪Hmmmmmmmmmmm♫♪

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Hilariously-named or not, I had a double rotor 1984 RX-7 that was, hands down, the best car I ever owned.

  • Goonemeritus

    The bold face cheek of these back stabbing candidates, you know what would teach them a lesson Donald? A well financed independent run for the very office they seek. TRUMP/BUSEY 2012!

    • Great idea but where would they get the money? I doubt either one of them has any assets a bank couldn't seize at will.

  • Trump as Veep??!!
    I'm going to be sick!
    GET OUT OF MY WAY!
    (runs to toilet)

  • BarackMyWorld

    Trump was most indignant about Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann skipping out.

    Translation: He wants to bang her.

    • chicken_thief

      He noticed the way she so comfortably tossed her body over that table (on the pretext of not being able to hear that little goober with the lez ma). When the backdoor is open, you gotta make a run for it!

  • e_z

    "… And after all that, she announced she was not going to do the debate. It’s called loyalty. How do you do that? "

    How? Even the blind squirrel will find an acorn now and again.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    You know, Dan Savage should promote the definition of newt as: "Verb – to cheat on spouse and then divorce when that spouse develops a chronic illness." As in, "He newted her good and kept the house in the Hamptons!" Could be a noun as well, along the lines of "After she developed MS, he split. He is such a newt!"

    Oh, I prefer that Gingrich go by the name "Ol' Philanderey" rather than "Ol' Flakey."

    • Ruhe

      Could it be "Ol' Filo-anderey" so your sort of get both senses? Too cumbersome?

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        I like baklava too much to use that.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one….

  • Newt's still in? Considering how cancerous Trump has become to the GOP I figured he'd have left long ago.

    • He's just like Trump. He never met any publicity he didn't like. And all things considered it's a tactic that's worked well for him so far.

  • Being given the high hat ain't what it used to be, eh Donald? Don't let the backlash hit you muss your hair on your way out under the bus wheels!

  • Now where will I go for my daily dose of huckster yahoo dogmatism?

    • cletar

      Does Huckabee still have that show on Fox?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Obviously, it wouldn't cross Donald Chump's mind in a million years that anyone on the face of the earth would turn down the chance to be on tv with him.

    Had the people of this very successful business man made a few phone calls prior to announcing the event, he would have learned ahead of time how it was going to turn out.

    When you tell people "My way or the highway," Chump, make sure you're driving the car.

  • CapeClod

    "I did a two-hour phone call for her with her people."

    Now we know why her entire New Hampshire primary staff quit on her.

  • prommie

    Might make for an awkward circle-jerk, but they would be perfect as a 3-segment human centipede.

  • Joshua Norton

    If they have the "debate", does Newt get 2 bathrooms?

    In fact, he should have a permanent entourage of 2 port-a-potties following him around.

    • Tundra Grifter

      That would create more jobs for the ten-year-old janitors.

  • I just don't really understand it, I'm still wanting to do this debate. Newsmax…one of the finest and most established Newspapers in the world is telling me they are having second thoughts on doing this because some of the candidates were not manly enough to face me. And look, I really can't blame them. I'm a tough guy. Probably the toughest in the world You have to be tough to be worth than 20 Billion Dollars. I didn't make my 50 Billion dollars being soft. I've made deals with all the Kings and Queens in the world. You just ask them how tough I am. have you watched my show, of course you have. Everybody in the world has watched my show. It's the highest rated show in the world. Here, smell my cologne. Smell that? Well I personally inspect every bottle before i put my name on it. You can bet it's the best in the world. The highest of quality. The absolute best. Just like my Vodka and smoking jackets. They are all the best….

    • Fare la Volpe

      11/10 – Dead-on!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Damn…that was spooky.

    • (Whistles Old Spice Theme to end the spot)

    • Tundra Grifter

      Big. Very big. Actually, this will be the most successful presidential debate the Republicans have ever had. Ever.

      And it will be classy. Very, very classy.

      Personally, if they want to take my advice, those candidates would be much more successful if they would join my debate. I don't care, of course. It means nothing to me. I've made my billions.

      But for them it would be best. A world-class debate. Hey – we're not going to bring a moderator from China. They are making much too much money off us right now.

      • RavenRant

        When Trump says "classy" I always hear "klassy".

    • Negligently_Joe

      NEEDS MOAR "THE BLACKS".

  • SorosBot

    When you're too much of a clown for even Bachmann, that's just pathetic.

  • "Humps dump chump Trump"

    It just doesn't SING, dammit.

    • tessiee

      How about:
      "Bachman to Trump: Drop Dead"

  • RadioYKWE

    Hey Donald, they're just not that into you.

  • Joshua Norton

    She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency

    She obviously thought about it. Should have written her a bigger check, Donnie.

  • x111e7thst

    Today Michele Bachmann is Ron Paul.

  • sbj1964

    Having Donald Trump hosting a debate FREE.Nobody willing to show up for debate other than Newt ,and Santorum Priceless!

  • Extemporanus

    WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: Leaked photo of the revised debate format!

    (L-R: Donald Trump; Newt Gingrich; Rick Santorum; Unkown Moderator)

    • Reservoir Douchebags.

    • RadioYKWE

      Stuck in the middle with you again.

  • El Pinche

    lulz! No Donald, YOU'RE FIRED!

  • DaRooster

    I truly enjoy the fact that a two hour phone cal with her people is "more important" than the four visits he had with her… I guess she is orally aurally out of practice.

  • Millennial Malaise

    Sigh. It's probably for the best. Any drinking game associated with this train wreck would end up with me getting my stomach pumped in the ER.

  • Maybe "I'll have to look into it" is some kind oblique reference to One-L's twat.

  • raygotaway

    I swear, Trump only listens to his hair.
    Michele said she'd make him rice krispie treats, not treat
    him to the vice presidency.

  • Sassomatic

    "She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency"

    Aww Donald. That's all right. You're still a bucket of warm piss in my book.

  • Generation[redacted]

    The Donald still has a shot at being President of The Seasteading Institute

    • RavenRant

      His hair wouldn't hold up to the wind and weather. And without that glorious mane…

    • cletar

      Seamalia?

      I didn't think it was going to have a president. I thought it was going to be ruled by the disembodied heads of Milton Friedman and Ayn Rand, like the floating heads that ruled Krypton at the beginning of Superman.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh, Christmas came early! Thank you, Jeebus!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Bachmann dropped out because she doesn't want to go to a debate where someone has more interesting hair than she does.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      of course, in this case interesting does not mean attractive. Like when my ex-wife cooked.

      How is it honey?

      It's errr, interesting.

    • RavenRant

      I thought her sleek updo at one of the debates was professional and becoming. Far better than the Snowbilly Grifter's endless Bumpit variations on obsolete prom hair.

      Too bad the nicely styled hair bedecked an empty cranium.

  • MzNicky

    So now we've got a two-way Gangrenich/Sanitorium debate, hosted by Donald Trump? Well hey, I say let's do this thing! Lincoln-Douglas redux! Live-blog, live-blog! I've got a hit of mescaline I've been saving from the 70s for just this moment.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    mechanically speaking a three-person circle jerk is just sort of difficult.

    Clearly, KBJ, you are not trying hard enough.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Such a shame. Now when will we have 30 minutes of a debated dedicated to which country Obama was really born in, and whether this Hawaii thing is even a state?

  • Barrelhse

    "difficult" needs to be a link.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Trump, Newt and Santorum….. Worse threesome ever? Or just the natural result of Trump and Newt gettin together?

  • BornInATrailer

    "a three-person circle jerk is just sort of difficult"

    Trump will make that cracker classy.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

    "I spent two hours with her people…" Demonstrates Donald's intellectual capacity, I think.

  • DocChaos

    What T-Rump knows about loyalty could be etched on a piece of rat poop with room left over for the runic translation of "Art of the Deal"

  • Nostrildamus

    Debate: The Gingrich's attempt to steal Christmas foiled by Frothy the Snowman.

  • user-of-owls

    Kirsten, just a minor editorial suggestion. Perhaps in future references, you might consider replacing the "t" in debate with an "s" any time the name Trump appears in proximity to the word. Just a thought.

    • RavenRant

      Or maybe replace the 'b' with 'fl'?

    • RadioYKWE

      Or "cl" instead of "t."

      • RavenRant

        Nice one. Better than mine. *seethes with envy*

        • user-of-owls

          Now, now. Everyone did a good job. You both deserve a nice shiny star sticker for your foreheads and an "I'm Special" plaque. Great job children!

          [Fucking retards. Christ, how long til I get to retire again Agnes?]

          • RavenRant

            With that, a cookie, and a juice box, I'm good. Well, maybe a gin-and-juice box.

            And stop flaunting your magical ability to use the r-word without getting disciplined by the moderator, Ken Layne's pet!

          • RadioYKWE

            He will NEVER reveal the secret. Even to his teacher's pets. I'm not giving up though. His Kwanza present is in the mail.

          • RavenRant

            Does it involve some sort of cloaking device?

            It doesn't really matter. I avoid the r-word most of the time myself. If they start banning 'fuckwit' I might have a problem.

            It's just the mystery that's tantalizing.

          • bagofmice

            Unicode, some REST, and cookies are how we build the Internet these days. Welcome to the future. Yer welcome.

          • RavenRant

            As always, my fellow Wonketteers are edjumicational.

            I'm not quite ready for the future. I think I need a remedial course on 'the present' first.

          • flamingpdog

            the Kwanzaa present?

          • RavenRant

            No, I'm familiar with Kwaanza.

            The Unicode and REST. I am shamefaced to admit, i had to look it up. I used to be an assembly language programmer. Now, i am a marginally competent computer user.

            Damn good Avid editor, though.

  • RavenRant

    They could round out the group with basilmarceaux.com and the "Makes sense to me… Does it to you?" guy.

    Or maybe someone could talk Alvin Greene into switching parties, since the Republicans are so 'eager' to nominate a black candidate.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Alan Keyes, a man ahead of his time… Now, right on time.

      • RavenRant

        Actually, he's not fringe at all compared to these guys. And Mitt, who is considered 'not fringe' has endorsed every fringe position Keyes every dreamed of.

        Let's start a 'Draft Alan Keyes' movement. he deserves a second chance at Obama.

  • The Trump has been snubbed! Snap!
    Of course this couldn’t possibly be because Donald is the human equivalent of clown car filled with fart shoed drunken Bozos.

    • flamingpdog

      So you're saying we'd have a debate within a debate?

  • meatlofer

    Some people can throw a debate.Some can't.

  • barto

    If he's serious about making a decision on this, he should proabaly talk to Sarah Palin.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I'll tell the kids, there will be no Christmas this year.

  • Jerri

    "She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency."

    Some people get all the good drugs.

  • Well, ol' crazy eyes can't make it, but if all they need is a fourth for the CJ, Marcus might be willing to sit in.

  • hunnybee

    not only that. he got knock-knees. he got pidgeon- toes. his feets stink and he don't love Jesus.

  • Indiepalin

    Headline of the day (YahooNews):

    "Jennifer Aniston Voted Hottest Woman of All Time"

    • Jerri

      In other news, "Ecru Voted Perfect Color for Mud Room"

      • Nostrildamus

        Also "Palin Babies Conceived Out of Wedlock File Class Action Lawsuit".

        • Walrus blubber libel.

    • Negropolis

      I don't get Aniston. I mean, she's attractive enough, but not even close to the hottest woman, and probably not even in this year, let alone of "all time". Stick that with her rumored lack of personality, and I totally don't get it.

    • bagofmice

      Is there a word for the phrase "I believe that I have five minutes to edit this comment"?

  • DahBoner

    Ding dang it!

    I was thirsty for the taste of Donald Trump's brand of bottle water!

    After seeing that picture of Trump in front of fire (?) and the word "Ice", it made me crave that luxury product of pure Vermont spring water, bottled in New Yawk in a real nice plastic bottle, that Snooki would be proud to throw away on any beach on the Shore, but NOOOOOOOOOOO!

    No longer available! Harumph!
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/05/17/

    Who pissed in Trump's water?

    Why none other than The Donald, himself:

  • Nesnora

    so now it's just two pigs wallowing around in santorum?

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Don't we have laws where morally bankrupt individuals spend some time in the slammer? Well…..?

  • Negligently_Joe

    Honestly, more than the fact that he's a self-aggrandizing moronic birther buffoon with bad hair (because let's be honest, given that last debate with Wolfowitz, Thiessen, it's clear that that alone wouldn't disqualify him) it's probably the fact that he keeps threatening to run as an Independent. Nobody who isn't also a self-aggrandizing moronic buffoon is going to go to a debate hosted by a potential opponent, even if the odds are Sno-Cones-in-Hell remote.

    Trump should know better than that, and it's even possible that he does, but, as I said, self-aggrandizing moronic birther buffoon with bad hair.

  • Negligently_Joe

    Man, I really hope this debate doesn't get canceled. I had grand plans, to tape the Newsmax GOP Debate hosted by Donald Trump and attended by Mudkipz Gingrich and Frothy Mix, and then hold onto it for posterity. The way I see it, if I hold onto it for 60-70 years, then I can either play it for my children for an easy laugh, or sell it to whatever the 2080s-equivalent is of The History Channel as archival footage of "the early days".

  • horsedreamer_1

    Idea: replace the Donald with James Lipton & repurpose the debate as "Inside the Defecteds's Studio".

  • fuflans

    Trump was most indignant about Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann…

    to be fair, so am i.

  • Negropolis

    I love how when someone so much as even appears to slight Trump, he goes on a total, petty, personal rampage against said person. lol It's always totally disproportionate to the believed offense.

    • bagofmice

      Hey, I just wanted to say it was nothing personal on a sex joke related blog. It was just grammar and syntax. Just saying that we should use our best grammar on these internets.

  • ttommyunger

    The Trumpster will never grasp the fact that loyalty is earned, not given.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      The two-way aspect of it, sadly, eludes a lot of folks.

      • ttommyunger

        And they say the poor have a sense of entitlement…

    • Negropolis

      Seeing as how he's earned very little of what he's accumulated in life, that's not surprised.

      • ttommyunger

        Giving credit where credit is due, he has earned a reputation as an ego- bloated gas-bag; I give him that much.

  • Negropolis

    Damn. Seven hours too late. lol

  • Negropolis

    Wil there still be lions let loose amongst these "Christians" at this colosseum? I was told that there would be ample amounts of lions at this debate.

    • tessiee

      *a la Dale Gribble*
      Why was I not informed?

  • Bachmann/Trump: there are at least a dozen PhD psychiatric thesis' in those two words.

  • cletar

    Poor Ricky Santorum will cry himself to sleep in the Des Moines Motel Six if he misses a chance to go mano-a-mano with Frontrunner Newt. Poor luckless bastard.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Funny how Chump keeps claiming various candidates called him "to ask for his advise."

    A few may have called to ask for money – and he's probably tighter than your uncle at Thanksgiving.

    Advice? I've heard a great deal more of him that I really care to, and it's quite obvious one doesn't ever have to ask for his advice.

    He's convinced everyone is entitled to his opinion.

  • BZ1

    Trump-Busey 2012

  • bebecca2298

    What if Donald Trump gave a debate and no one came?

  • anniegetyerfun

    You know, I never thought anything could make me say this, but I don't think that Bachmann is that stupid.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, I'm sure Michele is utterly unaware that anyone else is running for the GOP candidacy at all. But considering Trump for VP would be even stupider.

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