GIFZETTE DAILY BRIEFING  9:35 am December 8, 2011

Plan-B Access Denied by Incorrigible Twits, GOP Very Upset Obama Trying to Appoint Cabinet Secretary

by Matt Langer

HE MAY NOT AFRAID TO SAY HE'S A CHRISTIAN BUT HE IS VERY VERY AFRAID OF THE GAYSFor the first time in the 105-year history of the Food and Drug Administration an FDA directive has been publicly overruled by the department of Health and Human Services. About what? About teenagers doing it! That’s right, FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg released a statement yesterday declaring that Plan-B, an emergency contraceptive long known to anyone paying attention to be even safer than aspirin, should be available over the counter to people of all ages (read: all people doing it with other people). HHS director Kathleen Sebelius, however, swiftly responded and publicly vetoed Hamburg, declaring that the drug could only be sold over the counter to sexually active girls age seventeen and older. And for those under the age of seventeen? Well, they’re just going to have to get a doctor’s note.

Make no mistake: Sebelius didn’t go rogue here; there is no doubt in our minds that she was carrying out marching orders from an administration now fully in re-election mode and—for reasons we’re trying and utterly failing to wrap our heads around—fearing backlash from a conservative bloc that regularly sends people like Mark Foley to Congress and Ted Haggard to the pulpit and would sooner undergo voluntary waterboarding than vote for a Democrat anyway.

Now: this is just astonishingly dumb. Appallingly! Acrobatically, even, given the idiotic contortions and sheer heights of stupidity the administration has achieved with this directive. Because first of all: Plan-B (again, as anyone with a pulse will know) is most effective within a 72-hour window of doing it, and demanding a doctor’s note from a teenage girl who now a) has to go to the doctor, but (even more problematically) b) has to tell her parents she needs to go to the doctor to get permission to use an emergency contraceptive because she’s been doing it, i.e. a requirement which likely ranks among the most terrifying things a teenage girl will ever have to do, i.e. talk to her parents about doing it, i.e. arguably the single most difficult subject to broach in this insufferably puritanical culture of ours, and therefore, THEREFORE, honestly, really, could the administration even if it had been trying have done any greater disservice to combating the already devastating rates of teen pregnancy in this country?

But we’ll let Amanda Marcotte have the last word here, who—as always—says it better than we ever could.

But before we get to the funny let’s instead just try to get all the morning’s outrage out of the way at once: it turns out that this story the Washington Post reported on last month about the Air Force cremating the unidentifiable body parts coming back from overseas wars and dumping them in a Virginia landfill is actually far, far worse than originally thought.

Previously, the Post had a single report of a soldier’s remains ending up in a landfill, but as of last night that tally has increased to two hundred and seventy four, all of whom left behind loved ones who were promised by the Air Force that their loved ones’ remains would be handled in “a dignified and respectful manner.” We will leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide where to properly target their outrage by simply pointing out that this practice, which began in 2003, halted, curiously enough, in 2008.

Ok, moving on!

As we all likely know by now, former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is headed to the can for fourteen years. Fourteen! For those who enjoy relishing in schadenfreude as much as we do, dig this: Blago “will have to share a cell with other inmates and work a menial job, possibly scrubbing toilets or mopping floors, at just 12 cents an hour,” says the Washington Post.

Gird yourselves for today’s showdown on the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, as the administration and Senate leadership are preparing a full court press for an up-or-down vote today on the (second) nominee to head the consumer watchdog agency, former Ohio attorney general Richard Cordray. Senate Republicans are set to filibuster the nomination (surprise!), but because they dislike the nominee per se, but because, as Ohio senator Sherrod Brown pointed out in a Tuesday column on Politico, “their opposition is unprecedented. This is the first time, according to the Senate historian, that a party has blocked a qualified nominee solely because it does not like the existence of the agency the nominee was selected to lead.” Republicans, of course, are saying they’re just outraged by the idea of a whole new cabinet agency being set up that’ll be managed by an unelected official who reports only to the President. Which: so they’re outraged by the State Department, and the Defense Department, and literally every single other cabinet-level agency for which the president appoints secretaries with Congressional approval. We actually had a fun time yesterday Googling around and not finding a single instance of Republican outrage during the genesis of the Department of Homeland Security. Shocking, we know.

[READ MORE AT GIFZETTE.]

 
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{ 182 comments }

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2011 at 9:39 am

Shorter conservatives-to-teenagers message: Stop fucking!!!!

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 9:52 am

My neighbor gave that message to his teenage daughter. But y'know what? (looks around, whispers:) I have a sneaking suspicion from the way they act together that she and her boyfriend are still fucking.

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

"Shorter conservatives-to-teenagers message: Stop fucking (opposite-sex partners). "

:fixed

mayor_quimby December 8, 2011 at 10:48 am

Exactly, I think the repubs have missed a line from the script – this decision doesn't do nearly enough to suppress The Gays. Huge oversight on their part.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 8:54 pm

"Stop fucking (opposite-sex partners). "

One of my former co-workers, an out of the closet gay woman, told me that when she was a teenager, she used to fib to her parents and tell them she was going to the library, but actually meet girls.
Me: No kidding. I used to fib to my parents and tell them I was going to the library, but actually meet *boys*.
Co-worker: So, you were… a closet… heterosexual?

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:05 am

OMG! Becky is having sex with (insert name of high school athlete)?

Chichikovovich December 9, 2011 at 10:59 am

Well, at least she's not sleeping with [insert name of high school A+ student nerd].—

paris biltong December 8, 2011 at 10:08 am

In those Biblical times conservatives care so much about, a girl's virginity belonged to her dad.

Spurning Beer December 8, 2011 at 10:53 am

It was a valuable fucking thing. You didn't just fucking give it away.

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:06 am

Blago 3:16

Guppy December 8, 2011 at 10:38 am

More like "Stop fucking anyone but us!"

Dashboard Buddha December 8, 2011 at 10:40 am

Message to conservatives: Stop fucking with us!

CommieLibunatic December 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Yeah, stop doing that one thing every cell in your body is screaming at you to do.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 9:41 am

Sex is evil and dirty dirty dirty, so dirty.

goondogger December 8, 2011 at 9:54 am

Sure, when done properly. That's why we need to band together and ensure teens never progress past the awkward, shameful, ow ow less teeth stage. To the barricades!

Oblios_Cap December 8, 2011 at 10:00 am

You gotta love it!

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:02 am

Ooooo, so dirty and evil. Mmmmmm!

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:13 am

Nice. Reminds me of a sketch I saw on an otherwise forgettable vanished MTV sketch comedy show some years ago. Setup: Cigarette company is ordered by the government to make anti-smoking ads. Ad rolls: a half dozen attractive young women wearing fishnet stockings, revealing clothes, etc. and tart-ed up makeup look at the camera and say (coquettishly): "Smoking is bad. (Pause) We're bad. (giggles)."

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:07 am

OMG. You just used "coquettishly" in an actual sentence. What are you, some kind of ferriner or something?

Chichikovovich December 9, 2011 at 11:05 am

Pourquoi pas? “Coquette” is un perfectly normal mot Franglish—

Limeylizzie December 8, 2011 at 10:19 am

and sweaty, moist, tight, slippery…

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:00 am

I see what you have done there. Its painfully apparent.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:18 am

And you forgot "warm."

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:31 am

I like to get dirty…the dirtier the better. Guess I'm going to hell.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard December 8, 2011 at 11:05 am

Only when it's done right!

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:36 am

Finally, the winner!

sbj1964 December 8, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Time for PLAN C ! Vote every scumbag Politician out of office.Clean slate DO OVER!

slithytoves December 8, 2011 at 9:41 am

She blinded me with science!

ManchuCandidate December 8, 2011 at 9:42 am

This post once again shows why US America can't have nice things.

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2011 at 9:43 am

Our Air Force slogan is "Aim High – Fly, Fight, Win". Guess we should change it to "Aim High – Die, Fry, Dustbin."

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:32 am

Or – "Aim High – Die, Fry, Landfill"

WunkRocker December 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm
V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

Thus the difference between military services that exist to serve expensive weapons systems (USAF, USN, USCG*) and those that exist to do stuff (USA, USMC). "This unit is no longer serviceable. Please dispose of it."
___________________
*We'll let them in just this once, cuz they look so cute in their whites.

ManchuCandidate December 8, 2011 at 9:44 am

Oh way to go Sky Blue Boys. Dumping ashes of the honored war dead? I hope you guys will take it like men when the Preznit decides to cancel another gold plated overpriced hunk of junk.

"Hmmmmm, the Navy's near worthless Littoral Coast Ship Program? Nah. Army's new tank? Nah. Hmmm authorization for funding the F-35's for the USAF? Done and Done."

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:32 am

I wonder what the contract value of landfilling cremains is?

V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 10:48 am

Remember when Jimmy Carter cancelled the B-1 bomber? That worked out great!

The B-1B is expected to continue to serve into the 2020s, when it is to be supplemented by the Next Generation Bomber.

Oh, and the obsolete, unstealthy B-52 "Stratofortress" that the B-1 was supposed to replace? Still flying.

The B-52 has been in active service with the USAF since 1955. The bombers flew under the Strategic Air Command (SAC) until it was disestablished in 1992 and its aircraft absorbed into the Air Combat Command (ACC); in 2010 all B-52 Stratofortreses were transferred from the ACC to the new Air Force Global Strike Command (AFGSC). Superior performance at high subsonic speeds and relatively low operating costs have kept the B-52 in service despite the advent of later aircraft, including the Mach 3 North American XB-70 Valkyrie, the variable-geometry Rockwell B-1B Lancer, and the stealthy Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit. The B-52 marked its 50th anniversary of continuous service with its original operator in 2005.

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2011 at 11:11 am

From the same wiki article: Still flying, and it is anticipated that they will continue to remain in the AF inventory until 2045. 90 years is probably some kind of record for that kind of weapons system.

V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

New wings, new engines, new avionics…kinda like George Washington’s hatchet:  we put a new head on it a couple of years back, and had to replace the handle a coupla times, but this is the one he used to chop down that cherry tree! The ones you see on static display are all wrinkly, literally.

ManchuCandidate December 8, 2011 at 11:58 am

The Bone (b-1, get it?) is boner. Hanger Queen. This is why it is getting killed in 2020 while the B-52 will be around for a lot longer.

V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 12:09 pm

The important thing is that the USAF managed to humiliate a Democratic president.

ManchuCandidate December 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Wasn't the first time. Won't be the last time.

Biff December 8, 2011 at 11:12 am

I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that da shrub prohibited cameras at Dover, wouldn't want anyone to see that transfer taking place…

Tundra Grifter December 8, 2011 at 9:45 am

Once again, the GNoPee'rs confirm they don't understand how the Federal government is supposed to work. At best, they have a limited comprehension of how they want it to not work.

We saw this from the T-Baggers, who failed to grasp the basic fact that the US Constitution was written to provide a strong Federal government. The Colonists tried the Articles of Confederation – the states consistently acted in their selfish perceived self-interest – and little if anything could be accomplished.

But you can't learn that listening to Off-the-Mark Levin and his ilk.

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2011 at 9:45 am

Maybe Blago will be befriended by a nice black man who will get him a rock hammer and a poster of Farrah Fawcett.

Nah, ass-rape is what's happening, with that pretty hair.

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:33 am

They'll be using that hair for leverage.

cheetojeebus December 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

I wonder what Rod's new prison bitch name will be?
" 3 Dollar Bill" http://www.prisonbitchname.com/

Limeylizzie December 8, 2011 at 10:20 am

Mine is The One-Eyed Ogre.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard December 8, 2011 at 11:06 am

What's wrong with just 'Rod'?

bureaucrap December 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

"this practice, which began in 2003, halted, curiously enough, in 2008."

The Repubs decided that turning our kids in uniform into fertilizer was creating too much competition with the private fertilizer industry.

Or in the alternative, the Repubs were just so full of fertilizer that they realized that they didn't need any more.

Millennial Malaise December 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Alternative-alternative answer. Dumb ass GWB never gave a shit about the soldiers and hired some incompetent family friend to oversee this program and they were fired/quit

paris biltong December 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

"We actually had a fun time yesterday Googling around and not finding a single instance of Republican outrage during the genesis of the Department of Homeland Security."

What's worse, though, is that Democrats failed to express such outrage. Can we ask for a bit of outrage against Sebelius? Sheep.

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

that this practice, which began in 2003, halted, curiously enough, in 2008.

begin{wingnut}
Don't try to confuse the issue, which is respect for the troops. We all know Bush supported the troops, so it doesn't matter if his administration dumped their remains in landfills. They were troop supporters, so whatever they did is by definition respectful. Walter Reed, cutting veterans benefits, millions in inflated contracts to Haliburton but insufficient armor and IED resistant vehicles ("you go to war with the army you have, not the one you wish you had…"). That's a fact. Bush was commander in chief and he supported the troops. Obama doesn't support the troops, because he's a Democrat and we all know they don't support the troops. So it doesn't matter what his administration does with soldiers' remains – it's disrespectful.

Corpsemen! 57 states!
end{wingnut}

paris biltong December 8, 2011 at 9:58 am

Bush and his gang respected the troops as much as they respected the Geneva conventions, the rules of engagement and other principles: only when convenient.

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

"because he's a Democrat and we all know they don't support the troops."

Which is really odd, since more military veterans that go into politics are Democrats, while those who dodge or otherwise forgo military service tend to be Republican.

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:19 am

Yeah, yeah. They're cut-and-runners, not real veterans like Bush, Cheney, Gingrich etc. Just ask Jean Schmidt and her Marine buddy.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 9:15 pm

"real veterans like Bush, Cheney"

I suppose one could stretch a point and say those two did our country more of a favor (however unintentionally) by evading the military than they would have by actually serving. Since Cheney is a loose cannon psycho like the Joe Pesci character in "Goodfellas" and Bush is a giggling retard, we would have had My-Lai-type incidents every week or so.

Oblios_Cap December 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

There's a lot of stupid in that list. Now I need to start drinking.

Indiepalin December 8, 2011 at 9:50 am

Welcome to Federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

SorosBot December 8, 2011 at 9:50 am

Well the Constitution does mandate that no executive official can take office without at least a 60% supermajority of the Senate.

..oh wait, it doesn't? The filibuster only exists because the Senate procedural rules are completely fucked up and stupid and any rational legislative body would have tossed that bullshit out a century ago? Fuck.

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:37 am

I don't mind the filibuster per se – I just think its use has become too prevalent. It should only be used to stop a bill from passing and the fuckers ought to have to actually stand up there and read the fucking phonebook or whatever.

Tommmcattt December 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I'd pay good money to watch Lindsey Grahm attempt to piss in a bucket…

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:24 am

They shouldn't be allowed to use it to block cloture, as as you said, they should actually have to do it.

justkillmenow December 8, 2011 at 9:52 am

It used to be that just the GOP hated women. Now I find out that the liberals also hate women, even the teenage ones. WTF is wrong with these people? What did we ever do to piss you all off so much? Is it that apple thing? Still? GET OVER IT!

NeonTrotsky December 8, 2011 at 9:56 am

Thank you, Barack Obama! You're awesome!

mereoblivion December 8, 2011 at 10:00 am

How are men supposed to get over the apple thing when men *made up* the apple thing, on purpose, for the cause of dumbness?

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:05 am

Sebelius isn't a real liberal, she's one of those Midwestern Liberals, more of a religious centrist type, IIRC.

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:40 am

And I believe she's from Kansas which has a terrific record on womens rights – amiright?

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:39 am

Y'all probably ought to stop pissing us off and just start pissing on us…men are a bunch of dickholes in general, especially the old fucks that run the country. I mean, really, how tolerant is John McCain.

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:29 am

Sebilwhatever is from Kansas. I'd hardly call her a liberal. Being a liberal in Kansas simply means that you don't support the burning or drowning of "witches."

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 9:18 pm

"Being a liberal in Kansas simply means that you don't support the burning or drowning of "witches.''

Only because they can kill them more easily by having Dorothy throw a bucket of water on them.

MrFizzy December 8, 2011 at 9:52 am

I am in favor of dumping tons of Plan B into the Texas water supply.

Steverino247 December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

Make that Zyklon B and I'm good.

MildMidwesterner December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

How will Plan B help fracking?

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:05 am

The problem is that kids keep fracking, against God's Will.

MrFizzy December 8, 2011 at 10:09 am

I think all the ignorant Texan fetuses will improve the underground geological structure of the state. Just a theory at this point.

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:03 am

I think I saw a movie about that. Plan B from Outer Space.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

CRAPTASTIC!

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:41 am

Hear Hear!

WABishop December 8, 2011 at 9:57 am

When you're blown up and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the corporals come out to collect what remains,
Jest think of the cost of distant campaigns,
An' go to the dump like a soldier.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 10:07 am

Kipling for the Win!

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:16 am

Billy Bishop reading Kipling for the Double-win!

L188188 December 8, 2011 at 10:51 am

Ja dats good.

Not_So_Much December 8, 2011 at 9:57 am

The Plan B thing makes sense. If we run out of poor children from single mothers, who will clean our school toilets?

mereoblivion December 8, 2011 at 9:57 am

What is this curious "doing it" to which you refer so curiously?

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:09 am

You know, it. Wink, wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more.

EatsBabyDingos December 8, 2011 at 9:58 am

Vlad "The Impalla" Putin says Hillary is causing all those Russian mobs to care about democracy.

As if.

Goonemeritus December 8, 2011 at 9:58 am

I know most conservative parents dream of their minor daughter’s first unwanted pregnancy.

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:08 am

Hence all the "What Would Bristol Do?" necklaces and bracelets on sale at Christian bookstores.

MildMidwesterner December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

I think we should make the teenage boys buy the Plan B pills for their girlfriends. Why must all the problems be given to our daughters? If the boy is man enough to put his penis in someone, he should be man enough to ask for a pill at a pharmacy.

If we stopped treating our boys like incapable idiots, maybe they would stop being 28 year old, x-box playing adolescents.

Sorry… soapbox….

prommie December 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

I apologize for being male, on behalf of all males. Please accept my testicles as a token of my sincere remorse for my crimes.

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:08 am

Extension of your thought: if we stopped treating our men like incapable idiots, maybe they would stand up to the oligarchs.

justkillmenow December 8, 2011 at 10:46 am

Is this a loophole? Seriously, wouldn't it be just like the idiots in Washington to actually write it up as "females under 17" being banned from asking for Plan B. That would make me so happy.

natoslug December 8, 2011 at 11:09 am

Excuse me, but I've never played x-box! Mario Kart Wii, OTOH . . .

MathIsHard December 8, 2011 at 10:01 am

"So let us work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions. Let's reduce unintended pregnancies." – Barack Obama at Notre Dame in 2009

And denying access to Plan B helps to accomplish this how?

Chichikovovich December 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

Well, when the girl goes to her parents and asks for permission to get plan B, and they refuse, in full knowledge of what that entails, it becomes an intended pregnancy. Though not necessarily by the girl.

MathIsHard December 8, 2011 at 10:27 am

Ah. Thanks. For a second there I thought I might maybe be losing a little more faith in the man, but I see now that that would be silly of me.

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:09 am

Fact: countries that outlaw abortions have the highest abortion rates.

MathIsHard December 8, 2011 at 10:31 am

Except possibly China…but I get what your saying. All other things being equal, legalizing abortion certainly does not increase abortion rates.

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2011 at 10:03 am

Then there's what my (ex) girlfriend said, "Ok, cowboy, I didn't come. What's your Plan B?"

prommie December 8, 2011 at 12:16 pm

My "plan B" in those circumstances is to order a pizza.

donner_froh December 8, 2011 at 10:03 am

The filibuster is a great labor saving device for lazy senators. A few of them say they will block votes on legislation or nominations and no one has to show up to work.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 10:03 am

Hey, where would Bristol Palin be today, if not for her teen pregnancy and bastard child? Anyone ever think about that? This little strumpet would be just another 22 year old Wassilla meth whore if she didn't just happen to get knocked up while she was in high school. If there had been this "Plan B" back then, she would never have found her path to grifting success as the slut-queen of abstinence. You have to think through the consequences of these things, you know.

Rosie_Scenario December 8, 2011 at 11:22 am

Which reminds me of the wonderful silence lately re: the entire Palin clan. Kind of like life before McCain inflicted them on us in a desperate bid to win the presidency.

Biff December 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

The whole human race, and most other creatures also too, would be better off having never heard of that entire clan. Looking at you, Walnuts.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Believe me, Johnny Walnuts is only too well aware that he'd have been better off if he'd never heard of $illy $arah.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Plan B is a job killer!

x111e7thst December 8, 2011 at 10:04 am

Ain't no doing it like teenage doing it.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:32 am

Thats total BS. There ain't no doing it like "I have absolutely no shyness or shame anymore, honey-badger don't give a shit" middle-aged frantic vocal rutting. Truly.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 8, 2011 at 10:04 am

Make no mistake: Sebelius didn’t go rogue here; there is no doubt in our minds that she was carrying out marching orders from an administration now fully in re-election mode

So that's why Obama gave that pretty speech about getting tough on banks (while his D.O.J. and S.E.C. actively oppose efforts by State Attorney Generals to actually get tough on banks).
~

NeonTrotsky December 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

Anybody who still thinks that Obama will do what he says in those speeches should be thrown in a boiling vat of shit.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Anybody who still thinks that any politician will do what they say in those speeches should be thrown in a boiling vat of shit.

paris biltong December 8, 2011 at 10:05 am

Are plan A pills those girls hold between their knees?

donner_froh December 8, 2011 at 10:05 am

Rick Perry isn't afraid to say he is a Christian but he is scared to death of anyone who identifies themselves as a Muslim.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 12:15 pm

He is really getting abused in state of Iowa for his latest commercial. " There is something wrong in this country when gays can openly serve in the Military, but children can't openly pray in public schools. And I'm going to stop the Obama War on Religion."

Even Republiklans are running away. I guess he wants his campaign to die a glorious red, white, and blue death on the sands of Iowa Jima.

SorosBot December 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm

But children can openly pray in public schools; the ban on school prayer the fundies keep getting angry over is a ban on schools forcing students to pray, they can pray on their own all they want. The stupid, it burns.

rocktonsam December 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

Piper, are you seeing this?

samsuncle December 8, 2011 at 10:07 am

I don't see a problem here. Underage girls will use the old tried and true method of getting their hands on Plan B just like they get smokes and booze…..get an older kid or one with a fake ID to buy it for them.

SorosBot December 8, 2011 at 10:10 am

Look, Obama; the evil woman-hating, pleasure-hating zealots of the forced birth movement will not vote for you, they will never vote for you, making a blatantly political move that counters common sense and human decency to appease them is just stupid. You are a Democrat who has acknowledged the basic truth that women have the right to control their own bodies; therefore they hate you and will not vote for you; they will only vote for people who agree with their horrifically evil view that government should force pregnant women to carry the pregnancy to term, restrict all access to birth control, and try and encourage transmission of STDs, because they think that people shouldn't have sex unless they've been through a silly ceremony, and should be punished for simple basic sex. They are purely evil people who will never, ever, ever vote for you; do not appease them.

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 10:52 am

Same with a 3% marginal tax hike.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 9:55 pm

"You are a Democrat who has acknowledged the basic truth that women have the right to control their own bodies; therefore they hate you and will not vote for you"

Also, that "urban" thing he's got goin' on.

SpiderCrab December 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

This pill brouhaha has Barry's fingerprints all over it. Barry, listen-up: Like it or not your teenage daughters are going to sample the wares of the world. Let it go–you're being a fool.

neiltheblaze December 8, 2011 at 10:19 am

In our sexually repressed, Christopathic society – girls who fuck around are common sluts, whereas boys who fuck around are red blooded American he-men.

Girls aren't supposed to get horny. It isn't ladylike.

GregComlish December 8, 2011 at 10:35 am

I recently had a sexual experience with a Christian girl who totally initiated it and then had a Christian freak-out. We talked it out a bit. In her backward recollection, I was the sexual aggressor, although she generously conceded that she was "a little bit attracted to [me]". She wasn't feeling guilty about the encounter because that is what Catholics feel and she is evangelical. And her freak-out wasn't religious it's just that she didn't think sex with me was part of living in accordance with God's grace.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Was there anal involved?

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:36 am

That sounds hot. well, minus all of the mind-fucking she tried to do to you apart from the actual fucking.

DaRooster December 8, 2011 at 10:59 am

A gal wrote a basic article about this "understanding" in our school paper in 82… she got in tons of hot water and had to apologize in the next issue…
Much like most in our society… people didn't actually read the whole thing and try to understand it. They took a couple of key phrases "Boys are Studs and Girls are Whores" and ran with their… confusion… I think that was the first time I realized, "Man, there sure are a bunch of stupid Fucks around here."

Mumbletypeg December 8, 2011 at 10:19 am

For the first time in the 105-year history of the Food and Drug Administration…

This is the first time, according to the Senate historian, that a party has blocked…

Congratulations America. Your Race to the Bottom is replete with "First's" of the highest 'merit,' as in when my mom used to threaten me with "That'll merit you a spanking!"

Srsly, fuck this abysmal excuse for a country.

bagofmice December 8, 2011 at 10:56 am

A race to the bottom involving your mom might uhhh, raise some questions. yeah.

Just uhh, putting that out there.

Wait, no!

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:36 am

Really, fuck off, bagoshit.

bagofmice December 8, 2011 at 11:00 am

SO. MANY. ENTENDRES. MUST. NOT. SPANK.

GregComlish December 8, 2011 at 10:22 am

Why is Obama giving 18+ guys yet another advantage with highschool girls???

DahBoner December 8, 2011 at 10:26 am

Good God!

I looked up Kathlen Sebelius in Wiki under:

Stick Up The Butt Liberal

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am

Was it stick up the butt or stick IT up the butt?

Mumbletypeg December 8, 2011 at 10:35 am

Speaking of "doing it" — anyone know if Extemporanus has finished leapfrogging in & out of everyone's comments …bed! 's?

bagofmice December 8, 2011 at 10:54 am

Looked more like a bear to me. A bear with premature connotations. Hmmmmmmm.

Guppy December 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

"Republicans, of course, are saying they’re just outraged by the idea of a whole new cabinet agency being set up that’ll be managed by an unelected official who reports only to the President. "

I dunno, the unelected Secretary of Health and Human Services has worked out pretty well for them.

At any rate, looking forward to Obamacare getting gutted at the behest of Catholic bishops.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2011 at 12:21 pm

No problem. Under the President Paul Administration, every thing except the Department Of War will be abolished.

hagajim December 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

Hey teenagers! No Plan B for you – guess y'all better starting working on the oral and anal skills….that'll make Mom and Dad happy.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Anal copulation, the original "Plan B."

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 10:06 pm

"guess y'all better starting working on the oral and anal skills…."

As a college professor of mine used to say, "Virginity only refers to one position anyway".

Maman December 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

Girls under 17 will just get their mom, sister, cousin, aunt, friend or any high school junior to buy the pill for them. It is not like they make you take the pill in front of the pharmacist.

DaRooster December 8, 2011 at 11:00 am

… yet.

johnnyzhivago December 8, 2011 at 10:45 am

One bright spot…

After a lot of study, the FDA is not restricting the use of Plan B by gay couples.

V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 10:51 am

Imagine the horrible thing Blago did: he considered the political benefit to himself of making an appointment to an empty Senate seat. No one in the whole history of US America has ever done anything as horrible as that — while the FBI was listening, anyway.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

You and me, we must be the only ones who see this prosecution as utterly ridiculous.

V572 the Merciless December 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

If only he'd had better hair…

LiveToServeYa December 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

To be fair, he *did* commit the grave sin of being comically egotistical.

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:40 am

If it were really a sin, Tom Delay would have been struck down years ago.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 10:08 pm

And yet, Donald Trump is comically egotistical *and* has unbelievably bad hair. Where's the justice?

donner_froh December 8, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Being governor of Illinois means you will do time at some point. That's just how they roll.

bagofmice December 8, 2011 at 10:52 am

Texas. Minimizing the time between "oops" and oops since the Alamo.

DaRooster December 8, 2011 at 10:52 am

Hey, what's the record for filibustering?

Surpassed?

And yet I hear (way too often) "Obama isn't doing anything"… freakin' Tards.

BlueStateLibel December 8, 2011 at 10:54 am

The good news is that our tweens and gradeschoolers can still purchase all the assault weapons and handguns they want, so I'm OK with this.

chascates December 8, 2011 at 10:56 am

…scrubbing toilets or mopping floors, at just 12 cents an hour? That's Newt's idea!

Biff December 8, 2011 at 11:03 am

Jesus, life was so much easier 45 years ago when I was a teenager and girls just disappeared for awhile, came back to school the next year saying they'd spent the summer at their aunt's place upstate…

SorosBot December 8, 2011 at 11:12 am

Ah yes, the glorious days when teenage mothers were not just forced to go through with the pregnancy, but then also forced to put the kid up for adoption whether they wanted to or not. What the anti-choicers don't mention when they promote adoption is that they want to make it mandatory; it's not just the choice to have an abortion they oppose, but the choice to have a baby and raise it yourself.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 11:36 am

Those were the "fun" girls!

smitallica December 8, 2011 at 11:04 am

I call for a Constitutional amendment declaring that anyone who ever wears a phony cowboy-ish belt buckle like Rick is sporting, in public, is immediately disqualified from being President.

AddHomonym December 8, 2011 at 11:07 am

Blago gets 14 years and [fill in the blank] is still walking around free!

chascates December 8, 2011 at 11:13 am

And Rick Santorum begs for attention:
Santorum told the group he would cut the food stamp program, describing it as one of the fastest growing programs in Washington, D.C.
Forty-eight million people are on food stamps in a country with 300-million people, said Santorum.
“If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger program?” Santorum asked.

Negligently_Joe December 8, 2011 at 11:17 am

The one thing that angers me more than rhetorically-presented questions that actually have real answers is when those answers are actually really tragic and terrible and the person asking the question as though it's rhetorical is a smug, smirking asshole I already helped kick out of office once.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 10:13 pm

I personally know exactly one person on food stamps (or rather, one person that has told me about it, but anyway). She has a full-time day job and another job on evenings and weekends. Oh, and if it makes any difference, she's a Size 2. Santorum should be ass-raped by angry wolverines.

natoslug December 8, 2011 at 11:14 am

In Sebellius' defense, the pill wasn't tested on 11 year old girls, just 12-17 year old girls. And while perfectly safe for the 12-127 year old crowd, it could be dangerous for those slutty 11's. So really, her decision to be a complete twunt is perfectly reasonable in some alternate universe.

chascates December 8, 2011 at 11:26 am

Ha! A parody ad in response to Perry's 'Strong' ad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbrI3F7p6-o&fe

Nostrildamus December 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Or for the more intellectually inclined:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-eqpJYGtvk

ttommyunger December 8, 2011 at 11:36 am

I'm not going to hyperventilate over this. I simply can't believe that a kid who needs this item can't find a l7 year-old to buy it for them. It is probably a political sop thrown to the rabid Xtian Right, but I can't see much real harm here.

proudgrampa December 8, 2011 at 11:40 am

Where the fuck are Obama's balls?

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 10:15 pm

In the pocket of the GOP, apparently.

sbj1964 December 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

They first come for the rights of women,and minorities.What will you do when the government comes for you? A women's right to control her reproductive future must not be infringed.

Nostrildamus December 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

In other terrible news, France considers outlawing prostitution:
http://www.english.rfi.fr/france/20111206-prostit

LiveToServeYa December 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

If lawmakers criminalize prostitutes, then only lawmakers will have prostitutes.

prommie December 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Dear God No!

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:42 am

Mon Dieu!

LiveToServeYa December 8, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Well, Blago will probably write a book in prison: "Mein Herr" or something.

bebecca2298 December 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm

W don't trust you with contraptives but we do trust you to have a baby.

Antispandex December 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

No wonder the teens are all turning ghey! No need for messy pills and stuff.

sarjo December 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm

"…could only be sold over the counter to sexually active girls age seventeen and older." =SEXISM!!! Not legal for boys who is doin' it??

fletc3her December 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

If it's safe for the boys to do it with the girls then there will be fewer for the congress people and college coaches to prey on.

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 12:43 am

And for those under the age of seventeen?

Well, they'll just have to have babies that end up in some abandoned field or in some wilderness area because the young mother's brian isn't fully developed and the dad is also equally stupid an absent to know that you don't respond to the pressure of raising a young child by murdering it.

You want the truth, don't you? I've heard of far too many murdered babies around where I live, recently, born to teenage kids who didn't have the skills to raise them, and it gets me fuming.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Didn't that actually happen in Romania? They outlawed birth control and abortion, and the end result was many babies who nobody wanted, lying neglected in "orphanages" until they more or less starved to death.

Negropolis December 9, 2011 at 1:19 am

Support the Troops, indeed. If I ever hear anyone ever say that again as a slap against a liberal or Democrat I'm going to remind them of how a Republican administration "supported the troops." It "supported" them right into a Virginia landfill, is what it did.

If there is a god, I hope he dumps these fiends into the landfill of history. Forever.

tessiee December 10, 2011 at 9:31 pm

I sez it before, 'n' I'll sez it again: If women can have sex without it ruining their lives, how are they supposed to learn?

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