OOPSIES  7:33 pm December 7, 2011

Stephen Colbert Tricks Money-Loving Whores of South Carolina GOP

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Wasn’t this whole “conservatives don’t get that Stephen Colbert is a teevee satirist” sort of a 2009 thing? OH WAIT, we are talking about South Carolina, so maybe we have to factor in some kind of years-long time delay? The state’s Republican party is hard up for cash to hold their primary, so they agreed to allow Colbert’s Super PAC to add a humorous question to the GOP presidential primary ballot asking voters to decide whether “corporations are people” or “people are people” in exchange for a giant dump truck full of cash. Someone eventually got the memo, but not before the question made it onto the sample ballots and the state Supreme Court was forced to tell the cheap floozies in the Republican party to leave the ballot alone. NOPHAIR!

The other possibility, of course, is that they are just that desperate that they will take even the funny munnies. But no, because who has ever even heard of some politicians selling their souls for a couple bucks?

From the Columbia Free-Times:

The Comedy Central satirist — and South Carolina native — approached state Republican Party officials a few months ago about making a significant contribution to the party through his Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow super PAC.

In return, Colbert requested the party place a ballot question on the state’s first-in-the-South GOP presidential primary set for Jan. 21, that dealt with corporate personhood. The party agreed and on Nov. 11 asked state election officials to add a ballot referendum that asked voters to decide whether “corporations are people” or “only people are people.”

Colbert also wanted to sponsor a debate, but the state Republican Party eventually decided that a partnership with the Comedy Central star’s super PAC wasn’t going to work.

BOO.

The corporate personhood question, however, still ended up being printed on sample primary ballots, according to State Elections Commission spokesman Chris Whitmire. But it will not end up in front of voters on Jan. 21, he says, because a recent state Supreme Court ruling struck all questions from being allowed on the ballot.

Since when was America so serious about letting millionaire personalities screw around with elections? [Columbia Free-Times]

 

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{ 171 comments }

Plowmon December 7, 2011 at 7:36 pm

I love getting in touch with my corporateness…

Barrelhse December 7, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I'm going public.

Callyson December 7, 2011 at 8:13 pm

That's what got Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, Christopher Lee et al in trouble…

littlebigdaddy December 7, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I thought that was going *pubic*?

sbj1964 December 7, 2011 at 8:27 pm

I thought SOILENT GREEN is people?

bagofmice December 7, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I pack my PAC in Caaaarolina!

Angry_Marmot December 7, 2011 at 10:57 pm

It's the limited liability that I love.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I love getting touched on my Super PAC.

memzilla December 7, 2011 at 7:37 pm

The South Caroline GOP's confusination is easily explained. Rethuglicans don't get irony or satire. When they hear Colbert's audience laughing. they think "They're laughing because it's true," not "They're laughing because it's batsh*t crazy enough to be a John Boehner talking point."

If Newt "Child Labor Brigade" Gingrich were to update and plagiarize Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal," don't you think Faux News would endorse it as a good plan?

"I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation."

Callyson December 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"
Also known as "The Republican Jobs Plan." Just as "don't get sick" is their health care policy, "don't get old" is their employment policy…

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Don't get caught in the machinery or blowed up is their Occupational Safety plan.

HogeyeGrex December 7, 2011 at 11:11 pm

*Sigh*

I miss Jon Swift.

dadanarchist December 7, 2011 at 11:39 pm

"Rethuglicans don't get irony or satire."

This is exactly right, and that's because modern Rethuglican/Conservatives don't get subtlety. They don't understand nuance. Everything for them is either/or, black/white, good/evil Manichean thinking, a product of their Christo-fascist ideology. In fact, they attack liberals precisely for subtlety, which they mistake as weakness.

That's why they don't get irony or satire – it requires subtlety and nuance. And that's why they can't imitate the Daily Show/Colbert model – it requires a scalpel, not a meat cleaver.

banana_bread December 8, 2011 at 12:29 am

I am so willing to take you up on this idea. Then I can email it to Newt!

HempDogbane December 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm

It's hard to choose between money-loving whores and the other kind.

Tundra Grifter December 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm

HDB:

The ones who are really in the business just for love?

Yeh, I saw Pretty Woman. But I don't think it was a documentary.

HempDogbane December 7, 2011 at 8:17 pm

per RavenRant below, the other kind is monkey-loving whores, though there is likely some overlap.

iburl December 7, 2011 at 9:16 pm

What's the other kind? Pimp lovin'?

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 9:39 pm

There are whores out there who *hate* munniez?

HogeyeGrex December 7, 2011 at 11:07 pm

To quote William S. Burroughs,

"Avoid whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want mooooooore money much more these are the most expensive whores what can be bought."

V572 the Merciless December 7, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Ol' Bill — is there any topic on which he didn't have the definitive statement?

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 11:57 pm

There's another kind and variety of whore? What fresh hell is this?!

dadanarchist December 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm

The best aspect of this story is that Colbert's comedic irony would significantly raise the level of discourse in the South Carolina GOP.

Terry December 8, 2011 at 8:03 am

Set the bar a little lower. This is the GOP we're talking about. It would be nice if Colbert's comedic irony distracted them from taking hookers to cemeteries quite so often.

byepluto December 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm

I want the truthiness. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTHINESS!

arihaya December 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm

I don't blame the SC GOPs too much.. Stephen Colbert presented more facts than any host on Fox News, so maybe they thought he's a real deal

Spurning Beer December 7, 2011 at 8:18 pm

More people get their news from The Colbert Report than any other species!

(Yes, that was a Daily Show blurb from a decade ago, but I still love it.)

Rotundo_ December 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm

So how many laps past satire does reality have to lap before the checkered flag drops and the flippin' race is over? Satire at this point is pretty much stationary isn't it?

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Oh, hon, satire long since curled up her toes and DIED.

HempDogbane December 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

What do you think?
How trustworthy do you consider your corporation/elected official to be?

Very Trustworthy

Somewhat Trustworthy

Neutral

Somewhat Untrustworthy

Very Untrustworthy

Callyson December 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Trustworthy to robbing and stealing? Very Trustworthy (for both.)

HateMachine December 7, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Colbert should just keep his filthy money if he isn't going to take buying political clout seriously.

sbj1964 December 7, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Corporations are NOT People !

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Shhh, don't let Mittens hear you.

HedonismBot December 8, 2011 at 12:10 am

If a corporation were a person, it would be Mitt Romney.

heathenette December 8, 2011 at 12:55 am

WIN!

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 12:59 am

Or SCOTUS.

HogeyeGrex December 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm

What, just because you can't make Soylent Green out of corporations?

Meh. Pipe down and eat your rat-on-a-stick.

fuflans December 7, 2011 at 11:43 pm

the fuck?

paris biltong December 8, 2011 at 4:41 am

The unfortunate use of the term "person" in "legal person" or "artificial person" causes confusion.The terms are probably inherited from Britain, but "legal entities and individuals" is a lot clearer than "legal and natural persons" IMO. It is worse in French, where the distinction is between "personne morale" and "personne physique" and suggests that corporations are moral persons.

Thurman Munster IV December 8, 2011 at 9:34 am

Time to bring this out again: I'll believe corporations are people after Texas executes one of them

JustPixelz December 7, 2011 at 7:49 pm

If he can (almost) buy space on the primary ballot, how much longer before candidates just include their corporate sponsors as well.

Newt Gingrich, a unit of Allied Pharmaceuticals
Microsoft® Mitt Romney 8.0
Rick Santorum, brought to you by KY

memzilla December 7, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Actually, I'm in favor of having Congresspeople wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers, with corporate logos stitched on, in the same relative size as their campaign donations griftings.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 11:59 pm

It's so much easier to spot whores when they are in their uniforms.

Bezoar December 8, 2011 at 9:09 am

This is the best idea I've ever heard today, or even all week. My wife is great with Photoshop, I'm going to get her right on this. The rest of you too, get busy!!

Dashboard_Jesus December 14, 2011 at 11:44 pm

ya mean somethin' like this? http://www.slaw.ca/2010/02/04/us-supremes-meet-na

sezme December 7, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Ron Paul, from the acclaimed director Peter Jackson!

valgal2342 December 7, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Make that KY Jelly.

WABishop December 7, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Santorum is a bottom,
alphabetically.

Nostrildamus December 8, 2011 at 12:19 am

also intellectually.

mavenmaven December 7, 2011 at 7:49 pm

But all voters who answer the question will receive a six pack of refreshing Bud Lite Lime!

Rotundo_ December 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

And it tastes like carbonated ass!

sbj1964 December 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Once again the Supreme Court got it wrong. People are people. Corporations are businesses,not the same thing no matter what they're Lap dogs of the GOP say !

coolhandnuke December 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I have donated $50 to the Human Fund in the name of the South Carolina GOP Inc.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I first read that as the Herman Fund. Somebody please hit me over the head with cain.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Jesus, no! He smells like sweaty Old Ballz.

chicken_thief December 7, 2011 at 11:11 pm

No wonder he didn't have much luck with the ladies. Except Ginger "Perpetual Sinus Blockage" White, that is.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 11:22 pm

She said she cried after having sex with him once. Maybe her sinuses finally cleared.

Indiepalin December 8, 2011 at 12:05 am

And when Kruger found out what the Human Fund really was, he had to fire George Costanza. So much for Kruger Industrial Smoothing.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:00 pm

I initially read this headline as 'Monkey-Loving Whores'. 'Money-Loving Whores' is pretty pedestrian in contrast.

Tundra Grifter December 7, 2011 at 9:23 pm

I heard on the radio Pakistan has banned some 1,700 words and phrases from Twitter.

One was "monkey crotch."

not that Dewey December 8, 2011 at 8:43 am

I guess there's no point in my even opening a twitter account, now. "Monkey crotch" was about 70% of what I had planned to tweet, and it would have totally raised the level of discourse on the twitter.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Monkey-Loving Whores and Their Chimp Pimps – NEXT on the Jerry Springer Show.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Or at the Trump debate.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Slightly OT, but it appears that ol' Crazy-Eyes would not approve of Monkey-Loving Whores.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Pearl Harbor libel and bestiality. These are the GOP hot topics now.

I swear their is a virus or parasite eating their already meager brains.

DahBoner December 8, 2011 at 8:12 am

Most Republicans starve that virus…

reliefsinn December 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Don't forget the Muppet Conspiracy.
Piggy libel!

RavenRant December 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

That particular dimwitted 'controversy' had momentarily slipped my mind. We are living in a carnival sideshow. And it's not nearly as fun as it should be.

Negligently_Joe December 8, 2011 at 9:09 am

I'm so tired of these Monkey-Loving whores on this this Monday-thru-Friday plane!

Actually no wait that sounds kinda awesome.

BarackMyWorld December 7, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Except for Ron Paul and the three invisible Republicans they won't let debate, you know and I know every single other one of the candidates will standup for corporate rights faster than they would individual rights. Maybe it's time the media realized that it wasn't so much the candidates that are terrible but what the candidates believe that makes them terrible?

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Nah – the candidates are pretty terrible too.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 11:33 pm

the three invisible Republicans?
WHAT'SHISNAME LIBEL!!!1!

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 12:02 am

I hope you aren't including Jon Huntsman among the invisible three, because that guy is the quintessential corporate prostitute. Hell, his fucking family name is the name of his family's corporation.

BarackMyWorld December 8, 2011 at 1:40 am

Fred Karger, Gary Johnson, and Buddy Roemer.

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 3:20 am

Thanks. I'd totally forgot about Karger. I thought he'd dropped out.

Negligently_Joe December 8, 2011 at 9:10 am

Give or take a Ron Paul, maybe.

Bonghits4Jesus December 7, 2011 at 8:02 pm

No, no, no. Soylent Green is People!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Trump can host a debate, but someone like Colbert, that actually knows what is going on, can't? What is wrong with this picture.

On the other hand, the Trump debate will be far funnier.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Especially when it turns out to be Newt <strike?>playing with debating himself.

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 1:08 am

He's their master debater who can stand toe to pod with Obamao.

Negligently_Joe December 8, 2011 at 7:48 am

He is, at very least, an intellectual master debater.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Shouldn't the question have been:

Corporations: People? Or the Best People?

spends2much December 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm

South Carolina is the saddest and dumbest Carolina. And that's saying a lot.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I would love to see Colbert moderating a GOP debate. Or Lewis Black.

Spurning Beer December 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm

I nominate Chris Rock, or Gilbert Gottfried.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Chris Rock would probably do a damn good job. Gilbert Gottfried would give them what they deserve – humiliation.

I counter-nominate DL Hughely. Or for extra surrealism, a tag team of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.

finallyhappy December 7, 2011 at 8:39 pm

no one can moderate Lewis Black!

fitley December 7, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Colbert would be a great moderator. He has such a dry delivery. Honestly, I think Comedy Central should have Lewis Black do the after the debate
commentary. I'm sure it would have great ratings and it would be a scream.

Jukesgrrl December 8, 2011 at 9:08 pm

I'd watch … with popcorn and booze.

dadanarchist December 7, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I would love to see Lewis Black host a GOP debate, but I'm afraid that he would stroke out in the middle of the inanity, stupidity, depravity and amorality.

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 11:47 pm

You're right – the risk is too high. How about Larry David?

Nostrildamus December 8, 2011 at 12:23 am

Too bad Sweeney Todd's not still around. He'd be perfect.

Tundra Grifter December 7, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Having to choose between Stephen Colbert and Donald Chump as a debate moderator isn't exactly a close call.

In fact, I'm not sure it's really a choice at all.

ttommyunger December 7, 2011 at 8:09 pm

"Stephen Colbert for President." No, wait, he's way too smart to go for that. BTW; every person can prove Citizenship, even Barack Obama. Since corporations are active in American Politics and they're people, I want them to declare and prove their citizenship. Orly Taitz and company should get behind this with me, right?

ThundercatHo December 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm

I really don't think you should let her get behind you.

ttommyunger December 8, 2011 at 10:49 am

Ewwww. What was I thinking?

V572 the Merciless December 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Show us your birf certificate, AT&T!

ttommyunger December 8, 2011 at 10:50 am

No shit!

Callyson December 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm

A. “corporations are people”
B. “only people are people.”
C. "Republicans are not people."
D. Both B. and C. are correct
E. What's the ROI on people?

Antispandex December 7, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Corporations – Not people.
Soilent Green – People.

Bluestatelibel December 7, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I will give the South Carolina GOP $50,000.00 if they put up this ballot referendum : "The Republican Party is run by corporate bootlickers who would sell their own mothers to the Chinese for blow and hookers" or "The Republican Party is full of nitwits with the brains of gnats who routinely vote against their own interests." Deal?

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Only if there is an 'all of the above' option.

Also, "The Republican Party is for a government that is very, very small, but paradoxically big enough to have its tentacles up the cooch of every woman and girl in the country."

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2011 at 8:15 pm

At this point aren't the GOPers providing more (unintentional) comedy than Colbert does intentionally?

GeorgiaBurning December 7, 2011 at 8:21 pm

I hope we're all still laughing on Nov 7th

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Colbert's jerb is so easy.

Jukesgrrl December 8, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I've noticed that much of current Sat. Night Live script is not even written but is rather just quotes from the current week's newspapers. Even the celebrity skits. They just report some absurd thing a celebrity did — no extra jokes added.

Tommmcattt December 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

At this point the debate is becoming whether or not actual people are "people" as defined by the constitution. Pretty soon, ONLY corporations will be people…

Dudleydidwrong December 7, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Yes. Corporations are realer people than are real people. It's a matter of "realness." And corporations, having all the money, are realer than the people. Each less-than-realer person now is second class and shall be counted as 3/5 of a person for determining the proportion of representatives. Less-than-realer people shall also be available for janitorial duties in all schools between the hours of 8 AM and 3 PM. And their less-than-realer children shall be available to work as janitors in schools between the hours of 3 PM and 6 AM. S/ The Supremes and The Newt, PhD.

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 1:11 am

They've been people since conception.

KathrynSane December 7, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Goddamn I love Stephen Colbert.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm

The referendum was stricken from the ballot as Depeche Mode is not allowed in South Carolina on suspicion of being French.

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 12:12 am

And, Bon Jovi is banned from the state for sounding too foreign…and also for being Bon Jovi.

Jukesgrrl December 8, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Also for Jon Bongiovi being a Democrat who actually spends some of his vast wealth do-gooding for the poor. That, and the fact he's from Jersey.

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 1:14 am

And they need to burn their flags.

DaRooster December 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Corporations are NOT people… http://www.movetoamend.org

Due to a court allowing the language of Santa Clara vs Southern Pacific in 1886… that is why we need to do this. Damn judges not paying attention…

sbj1964 December 7, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Corporations being given people status? Sounds Like a big Steaming pile of 1984.

littlebigdaddy December 7, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Colbert is only the most obvious satirist. Apart from the truly idiotic (Perry, Bachman, Palin) I think almost all of the prominent gooper-wingnut politicians and media types are performance artists. (Ann Coulter nude and covered in chocolate, anyone?) It's as American as Elmer Gantry.

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:39 pm

mAnn Coulter covered in chocolate? She's already full of something brown, although I don't think it's chocolate.

HempDogbane December 8, 2011 at 12:55 am

Here's the recipe: Fire Bar Chocolate Coulter

175 .5 oz. Vosges Chocolate Red Fire Bars (Mexican ancho y chipotle chillies, Ceylon cinnamon, 55% dark chocolate)

Melt chocolate bars in double boiler.
Rinse Coulter in lukewarm water and pat dry with paper towel.
Dip Coulter slowly and carefully in chocolate. USE TONGS !
Place chocolate dipped Coulter on wax paper in freezer for 15 minutes.
Serve with ice cream

Dudleydidwrong December 7, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Ann Coulter nude and covered in fire ants…I like that better.

chicken_thief December 7, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Caramel coating would go better with her Adam's apple.

chascates December 7, 2011 at 8:30 pm

But are South Carolinian Republicans people?

Redhead December 7, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Wait, you mean they decided NOT to hold a debate hosted by a comedian getting involved with politics (though no one takes him seriously) with way too much money? But… I was looking forward to watching toupe guy right after Christmas.

rocktonsam December 7, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Blue Collar Comedy tour needz to get a PAC. Them Republicans would love Larry the Cable Guy to MC a debate.

seems about right

RavenRant December 7, 2011 at 8:45 pm

"You might be a Republican if…"

Dok-cupy Everything December 7, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Do corporations become people at the moment the partners conceive of them, or only when the articles of incorporation are filed?

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Neither, unless we're free to abuse, discriminate against, and execute them once the state accepts the articles of incorporation.

owhatever December 7, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Should gay corporations be allowed to marry in South Carolina?

littlebigdaddy December 7, 2011 at 8:47 pm

And are they persons from the moment when the articles of incorporation are drawn up or when they are approved by the secretary of state?

Jukesgrrl December 8, 2011 at 9:18 pm

They should only be allowed to be persons in Delaware.

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Mergers should only be allowed between corporations of opposite investors.

valgal2342 December 7, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Can corporations be executed?

cheetojeebus December 8, 2011 at 7:10 am

Cut out the middle man, corporations should just hold public office. BP for president!

LettucePrey December 7, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully?

bagofmice December 7, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Obama should just blow Republican minds by incorporating himself as a privately held company. Corporations are people too, my friend.

It's a corporate birther combo!

Birth certificate / corporate charter.

x111e7thst December 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Silly Stephen Soylent Green is people.

rocktonsam December 7, 2011 at 9:04 pm

noted dingbat $arha Palin is on FOX NEWZ with her pants on fire

iburl December 7, 2011 at 9:13 pm

As much as I want to be a snarky curmudgeon about everything… COLBERT RULES :)

LettucePrey December 7, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Colbert/Greene 2016!

(Try chanting that. It works.)

flamingpdog December 7, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Soylent/Greene 2016!

ifthethunderdontgetya December 7, 2011 at 9:36 pm

There was a GOOPER debate today?

USA Today published a story claiming that Newt Gingrich broke the law when he said during the Republican Jewish Coalition GOP debate on Wednesday that he would appoint John Bolton, the former ambassador to the UN, as Secretary of State.

The clause that spares Newt is “for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy.” As TPM reported, Bolton will not indicate if he would accept such a position, nor has he even endorsed a candidate.

~

arihaya December 7, 2011 at 10:02 pm

are there diamond mines in Iran?

if so no wonder Newt nominated John "Let's Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran" Bolton

banana_bread December 8, 2011 at 12:38 am

Newt should be more careful, seeing as how we upstanding Illinoisans just put another governor in the pen for that.

Wait, now that I think about it… Newt, any other nominations you'd like to solicit?

donner_froh December 7, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Colbert is from South Carolina? I don't think so–he speaks intelligible English and has a sense of humor that doesn't (necessarily) involve stories about killing people.

BelleSC December 8, 2011 at 6:50 am

Colbert grew up near Charleston, SC. His late father was a prominent physician. He, like many, chose to lose his accent. We are not all knuckle-dragging, cousin-marrying Neanderthals down here.

DerrickWildcat December 7, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Pfffft. Their big School has a Gamecock as their mascot.
That's right, Their big big institute of higher learning is named after Chicken Fighting.
A, "sport" where they tie razor blades to the feet of chickens and bet on which one will kill the other.

BelleSC December 8, 2011 at 6:52 am

Jealous ;-)
You're just mad because you can't have a bumper sticker that says, "You can't lick our cocks!"
No, I did not go to USC or to Clemson.

chicken_thief December 7, 2011 at 11:24 pm

"But it will not end up in front of voters on Jan. 21, he says, because a recent state Supreme Court ruling struck all questions from being allowed on the ballot."

So, but for the radical judiciary pushing their left wing agenda, the question would have been on the ballot. Fuck me to tears.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 11:26 pm

I spot an error on that GOP primary ballot question. This is South Carolina, it should read:

- Corporations are people

- Only white people are people

"Only people are people" is still a bridge too far and asking too much of a state still waging war against the United States.

Jukesgrrl December 8, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Only straight white people are people, and straight men get two votes.

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 11:02 pm

What would that make a gay, black, Mexican Muslin, then? Chopped liver?

Jukesgrrl December 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Well, certainly not an Amurican!!!1!1! Besides chopped livers are Jewish.Also not Amurican!!

gullywompr December 7, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Somewhere in South Carolina
And gravity don't mean a thing…

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 12:18 am

Elsewhere in South Carolina

It don't mean a thing
If it don't have a peen…

DahBoner December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am

Unfortunately, there are no skyscraper BBQ shacks in SC to test out that non-theory…

V572 the Merciless December 7, 2011 at 11:42 pm

It's great that Colbert has found something vicious, funny and demonstrative to do with his Super-PAC money. This is way better than the "Rick Parry" stuff.

fuflans December 7, 2011 at 11:48 pm

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

RadioYKWE December 8, 2011 at 1:18 am

Hicks are people.

Rosie_Scenario December 8, 2011 at 9:38 am

Great trick ballot question, or the greatest trick ballot question?

DahBoner December 8, 2011 at 10:41 am

Super Moran PAC!!!

NickDanger007 December 8, 2011 at 2:11 pm

If only Soylent Green was this sort of people.

WeHaveIssues December 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Republicans, we do "it" for money. The more money the bigger the happy ending!

MzNicky December 8, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I want to fuck Stephen Colbert's brains out. No wait, strike that, his brain's too valuable. I want to fuck Stephen Colbert until he's blind. No, that's not right, either. Um … if I were still fertile I would beg Stephen Colbert to implant me with his seed. Okay, that works.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 9:39 pm

I dunno. A lot of their avoirdupois is gonna melt right off once you get them on those roasting spits.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Have you seen the size of South Carolinians, these days?

banana_bread December 8, 2011 at 12:31 am

Woah, I can comment now! Santa Ken heard my pleas and my Christmas wish is fulfilled! THANK YOU WONKETTE

banana_bread December 8, 2011 at 12:32 am

And I start off my commenting career by vpcommenting on the wrong thread. Clearly I need less alcohol.

DahBoner December 8, 2011 at 8:08 am

C'mon.

If Herman Cain just finished screwing you, you'd cry too…

teebob2000 December 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

>>"less alcohol"

You ain't from around here, is you…

PalinzADummy December 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Now that you mention it (pulls up pants, shuffles away crying)

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