day of infamy squared

Nation Aghast As Obama Daughters Eat Asian Food on Pearl Harbor Day

WOULD YOU EAT COUSCOUS ON 9/11?Before “Pearl Harbor” was reduced to a three-hour reel of explosions starring overpriced wooden puppet Ben Affleck, it was a place where a bunch of American soldiers were attacked by a bunch of Japanese soldiers these seventy years ago today. A Day of Infamy, if you will. You may remember from every commemorative evening news broadcast since then that Americans generally avoid doing anything Asian-sounding on this day, to honor the fallen and to keep our wounds fresh. This year, though, you can count out those Obama daughters and their fancy-schmancy private school to have other plans. America-hating plans!

You can thank some local CBS affiliate “WUSA9″ for keeping it so VERY eyewitness-y today, allowing the right-wing blogs to suffer a complete meltdown.

BREAKING HARD:

What are President Obama’s kids eating at school on Pearl Harbor day? Japanese food, of course!

Sidwell Friends School’s website shows the menu for Wednesday December 7th, 2011, the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day, as an Asian food day.
[...]
It was the bloodiest foreign attack on U.S. soil in the modern war era, until the September 11th attacks in 2001.
Here are the options for Malia Obama and her sister, Sasha on the “Day that will live in Infamy: December 7, 2011.
Asian Mushroom Soup
Oriental Noodle Salad
Classic Spinach Salad
Teriyaki Marinated Chicken Strips
Szechuan Tofu and Veggies
Garlic Roasted Edamame
Vegetable Fried Rice
Fortune Cookies

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Is the Szechuan cuisine of southwestern China native to Japan now? Eh, DETAILS. And oh, look, the kids also managed to get the Pearl Harbor Day Ceremony cancelled, too, probably as part of their training in Kenyan voodoo. [WUSA9]

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384 comments

    1. ph7

      I saw our Commander n Chief with a Chinese menu in his hand
      Walking through the streets of Adams Morgan in the rain
      He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
      Gonna get Malia a big dish of beef chow mein

      Aaoooooo!
      Werewolves of Kenya!

  1. Ruhe

    "Friends" school? Let me guess. Pacifists, right? My kids will be eating a appropriately commemorative dinner of saltwater and diesel-fuel soup with a side of burnt pineapple. And that meal will be served under the dinner table so my family can imagine we're eating in the galley of the Arizona. Nobody "never forgets" harder than me.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I was always amused that the GOP Culture Warriors came out against Eminem, considering this, from The Slim Shady LP:

        Hillary Clinton tried to slap me & call me a pervert
        I ripped her fucking tonsils out & fed her Sherbert

        What's not to love about that, if you're Lynne Cheney or Rush Limbsugh?

    1. chicken_thief

      Do the kids take turns tapping on the table for days afterward, just to remain in the spirit of the occasion?

  2. paris biltong

    Yeah, just like Merkel and Sarkozy being all mushimushi (to borrow a term from the Japanese) on Armistice Day. Peace treaties? You can stuff them. Nevah forget!

  3. sbj1964

    Well we know why the Japanese became a world economic power house. Pearl Harbor proves they don't mind getting up early on a Sunday morning.

  4. Callyson

    Perhaps the wingnuts would be happier if the Obama girls were eating Japanese people. In honor of wartime sacrifices and everything.
    Morans.

  5. justkillmenow

    So those two plan the school menu now? Big step for little girls. Oh, and wingtards are….tards!

      1. Chet Kincaid

        No, this is clearly the work of the First Lady's Deputy Chief Of Staff For Winding Up The Teatards For Lulz. The Obamas have a good old time reading offended Wingnut Blog Posts in "King Of The Hill" accents around the dinner table every evening.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Hey, Chet! My copy of Flash of the Spirit arrived today. I look forward to perusing it at the surgeon's in a week!

          Edited to add: I can see Bamz enjoying that, but Michelle is just too nice of a lady. I'll bet she doesn't make fun of anybody, but she can cut her eyes at them something wicked.

    1. Chichikovovich

      If you eat pizza on this day you're supporting Mussolini, and Hitler and Pétain and Quisling….

      'Cause all those guys were, like, European.

  6. SheriffRoscoe

    In similar news, hundreds of traitorous American businessmen were seen checking in for Japan-bound flights, to transact business on enemy soil.

  7. memzilla

    Jeebus H. Tap Dancing Christ on a Broad Noodle.

    Szechuan Tofu and Veggies, Garlic Roasted Edamame, Vegetable Fried Rice, Fortune Cookies — are all CHINESE.

    You dis-(ahem)-oriented asshats.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Edamame is Japanese. At least the word is, and I'm not familiar with the use of steamed salted green soybeans in Chinese cuisine, although, given how much that term encompasses, I could be wrong (and if I am, for mercy's sake tell me instead of leaving me to twist here in the wind like some pompous, inaccurate ass). Also, fortune cookies are not traditional — probably invented by those clever early Chinese immigrants.

      But yes, most Americans seem to be unable to tell one Asian from another. Pretty fucking insulting, but what can ya do?

      1. anniegetyerfun

        In China, edamame are called mao dou (hairy beans; yeah, it's funny), and they are served approximately the same way. Boiled, with some flavor like star anise, tons of salt, and maybe some garlic. Common as a street food at night markets.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Zhen-de ma? Northern Chinese street food? I've never seen or heard of in Southern Chinese cuisine, but like I said, there's plenty I don't know, so, please to educating me!

          Your real name isn't Fuchsia Dunlop, by any chance, is it?

          Edited to add: Hao chi ma? I'm used to all the snacky things from Southern Chinese cuisine, mostly Hakka (Khek), Teochew, Hokkien, Cantonese, Hainanese, some Szechuanese, some Shanghainese. Melon seeds of different kinds, salted peanuts, dried salted fish and shrimp and all the horrible/tasty pickled stuff. This one, ah, not so have seen the before, lor.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            我不会骗你! Yes, Northern cuisine. I saw it most in Beijing, hardly at all in Urumqi. If only I had a totally awesome name, but alas. My parents were boring.

          2. PalinzADummy

            Thought so. I've always wanted to go to Urumqi. Did you like it there?

            I have a (in my parents' opinion) totally awesome name. No one ever remembers it, pronounces or spells it correctly, or even takes my repeated and somewhat curmudgeonly hints to quit trying already.

            I wouldn't have minded being Fuchsia Dunlop, though. She's had a fascinating life and has more knowledge about Szechwanese food than the Kitchen God (灶君). But boring parents tend to ensure long and happy lives for their offspring. Children of exciting parents end up being addicted to harmful, if interesting, behaviours.

          3. anniegetyerfun

            Eh, I'm still an alcoholic. I mean, my parents are boring, but Scottish and Russian. So there's that. But now I'm jealous and want to know what your name is.You know, Urumqi is a fantastic place to visit – living there is a bit tough. Like all places in China, it's easier if you're a man than if you're a woman. I had high hopes for learning Uighur and going to grad school, but they were pretty much dashed when I realized how all of Western China is still embroiled in the kind of petty corruption and dishonesty that I expect in, say, India. I mean, it's not like you won't come across that kind of thing in Beijing's universities, but I feel like it's less over there, at least for foreigners. Also, the Uighur culture is highly sexist. Having majored in Islamic Studies, I thought I was ready to deal with it, but I wasn't.That said, the food is good (everything from noodles to insanely tasty fruit to a dish called da pan ji (big plate chicken, best enjoyed in Urumqi) to greasy, spicy kebabs) and the summertime weather is great, if you like bone-drying white-hot heat. The scenery is mind-blowing, especially around the Tian Shan mountains.

  8. MLite

    Yes, because every right-wing blogger knows that China (Communist and Nationalist) was allied with Japan within the great "Co-Prosperity Sphere" and intimately involved with the attack on Pearl Harbor.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Are you serious? The RWNJ morons actually think that Dai Toa Senso was something the Chinese wanted?

      Sweet Suffering Christ on a stick. With bells on and a hat.

      At what point does their joint and collective stupidity extinguish the rest of the sentience in the universe?

      1. MLite

        I was being sarcastic, but that doesn't mean it isn't true ;). You can see their "logic": "We don't like Commie China, Japan was evil and hated our freedom, therefore they were allies (and also, too, Al-Qaeda, Saddam Hussein, North Korea, Iran, and THE ILLEGALS…orchestrated of course by the Librul Atheist Muslins and their Kenyan overlord BARACK HUSSEIN NOBAMA). I mean, when have facts or changing time lines ever gotten in the way of their theories? It's all the same Axis of Evil who want to kill Jesus (i.e. The Jews). But we can't say Glenn Beck didn't warn us!"

        1. PalinzADummy

          Right, right. I don't interact with these people regularly, and my periodic forays into their swamps always see me running desperately away screaming. Cognitive dissonance overload. Sheesh.

  9. SorosBot

    So they mixed up Chinese and Japanese food ; it's not like the Chinese had already been fighting the Japanese for almost a decade before Pearl Harbor, it's the same thing.

    1. PalinzADummy

      A DECADE? The Japanese began attacking China in one manner or another around 1905, shortly after the Russo-Japanese war ended. From 1905 on, it was one military action after another until the Kwangtung Army engineered the Mukden Incident of 1931 that led to open war. Japan was only too happy to join with the Western powers after 1860 to chop up China like a watermelon: http://kalimao.blogspot.com/2008/03/world-colonia

    1. mayor_quimby

      That place had excellent hot dogs when I was a kid. Although I had the tastebuds of a 10 year old.

  10. SexySmurf

    In honor of Pearl Harbor Day, I refrained from buying my usual pair of used schoolgirl panties from a vending machine.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I ordered Japanese porn today, just to remind us of who won the war and who's culture reigns supreme.

  11. chascates

    What? In Texas most schools still have 'Bash the Jap' ceremonies on December 7th!

    Also. Remember the Maine. And the Alamo.

      1. chascates

        On Maine Day lobsters would be best, probably celebrated on a cold payday. Alamo Day calls for cheap Tex-Mex enchiladas celebrated every time I'm near a good cocina.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Armadillos can give you leprosy.

          Speaker One: How was that armadillo?
          Speaker Two: Great! Just great.
          Speaker One: You can take your hand out of the plate now.
          Speaker Two: OMG! OMFG! MY HAAAAND! It fell off! AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!

    1. gurukalehuru

      The thing about the Maine is, with modern technology and all, divers have gone done there and forensicalized it and everything, and it really was just a boiler that exploded, which happened all the time on those old boats.
      We should give Cuba and the Philippines back to Spain.

  12. Mumbletypeg

    As a kid I'd have taken the Sidwell diet over my public school regimen of canned potatoes, swamp gravy and pink applesauce any day.

    Then again maybe not — I was a picky eater, but I outgrew it. And as someone on another thread here has conjectured recently: what of the adults we come across who have yet to try dining at an Asian restaurant or ordering Chinese takeout? I have one co-worker in her late 50s who says the only thing "oriental" she's ever had comes in a Stouffer's heat-&-eat.

    1. OurHoboSenator

      Back in the late 90s when I frequently drove Hwy. 401 east of Toronto, I used to tune in this insane right wing Xtian radio station from Rochester, NY (sample commentary: "People think England is our ally. But did you know they had TWO wars against us?").

      They used to run this ad for some no-doubt horrible Chinese buffet where a woman with a thick Western NY accent would ask "Have you always wanted to try Oriental food but were afraid?"

      1. PalinzADummy

        Afraid! This from people who think PEPPER is a fucking spice to be used sparingly!

        WTF are they so "afraid" of? It's food, fer chrisake, it's not like it's gonna jump up off the plate and eat PEOPLE.

    2. mayor_quimby

      I feel your pain, having refused to eat with my coworkers more than once because their ideas were 'you wanna order Domino's subs online' and 'We have a coupon for Olive Garden'
      I had Domino's in college, but goddammit, I will go to my grave without setting foot in that fauxtalian shithole. Once even told my best friend and his wife that I would just go home and cook when they suggested it one evening.
      That is a good damn menu, though. I've been inside Sidwell, and it was nicer than my uppity private college, Michelle O should accept no less.

    3. PalinzADummy

      I've finally converted some of the eejits in my end of the swamp and taught them what good fresh REAL Asian food IS. None of this "cumin-scented" shit and "Thai-inspired" crap. La Casa de Los Gatos prides itself on making everything from scratch in a WIDE variety of cuisines. From Adobo to Tom Ka Gai to Babi Kecap to Arroz Caldo, this establishment serves it all.

      Geezus, Stouffer's heat-&-eat. Wouldn't I like to fetch her a solid clip across the ear.

    1. Steverino247

      We aren't talking about the people who buill the railroads here. These guys peed on my carpet, man!

  13. CommieLibunatic

    Someone ate something vaguely Asian today?

    D̅ͥ̽͏̺o͔̫̮̻͕̿ͪ̊ͭ̾̍ͅn̠̳̫̼̱͚ͨ̊͐ͩ'͔͎͓͖̑̑̅̽t̎̓̔
    ̶̠̣͙̪͚̔
    ̮̫̝̱̝̗ͫͭͦ͂̐̌C͓̹͓͎̗̥̑̈̔͑͜a̴̲̺̳ͫr͇̠̩̜̙̘e̦̯̙̥͐̈͗ͧ͠

    1. Chichikovovich

      It's nice to know that someone will be in a worse circle of hell even than me come the afterlife. That was inspired.

    2. chicken_thief

      Commonly referred to as "eight-six-forty-fiving it". Or they can request it "Okinawan style" where you have to fight for the food for 82 days.

    3. bagofmice

      Hey, we nuked them (Hiroshima, Nagasaki) so hard they learned how to nuke themselves(Fukushima). This earns my whiny north American ass in December a spot in hell, no?

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        Probably the vague Greenwich-centrism and the generic clumping together of a third of the world's population.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Good point. The more I read about the history of those parts, the more amazed I am at the diversity of cultures and languages. It's insulting to lump them all together because their skin is similarly-coloured or their eyes have epicantic folds.

    1. eaglewon

      no it's not, my girlfriend is Asian, she has no problem with it. I've discussed it with some of our other friends, they're all ok with "oriental". Of course people don't use it as much as they used to, but it's not a bad word or demeaning in any way.

  14. Baconzgood

    Can you help a brother out here 'cause I haz the confuzed K?

    How does the menu that the school that his daughters attend reflect the white house? Seriously do those people at the New Republic think that the POTUS orders the lunch ladies what to slop on the tray?

      1. Chichikovovich

        It's all part of the plan. The tried and tested blueprint. Lots of people know that the Gleichschaltung ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gleichschaltung ) that resulted in every institution in Germany being under the total control of the Führer was instituted gradually, so that it would be harder to resist. But not so many people know that the first institution to be brought into line was a private school lunchroom in Lübeck.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Of course not. Because if POTUS were doing the ordering, then the lunch ladies would serve nothing but watermelon, fried chicken, chitlins, and cornbread. Oh, and mac and cheese.

      1. mayor_quimby

        Do NOT forget the GOT-damned mac and cheese! No quicker way to start gunplay at the cookout. That's what was behind all the violence in Boyz N Tha Hood, if I recall.

    2. kissawookiee

      I have it on good authority from Rushbo that Obama's uppity wife is trying to tell everyone else on this planet and possibly others what to eat, so why should she stop at the schoolhouse doors?

  15. hagajim

    Nothing like throwing a blanket over entire races of people because you are too stupid to realize it. Gotta love American Exceptionalism.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      And on the very same day, Rick Santorum says the "Arab Spring" should have started in (non-Arab) Iran. Coincidence…or just the usual cone of idiocy?

        1. PalinzADummy

          Exactly. Do these people just forget each thing that happens immediately afterwards, or are they just wandering around in a cloud of permanent stupid, where nothing seems real?

      1. hagajim

        And the Irans and Iraqs and the school children who don't have maps…seems like the GOP is larnin' from the Miss USA contestant who just mumbled gibberish.

  16. SorosBot

    Oh god, the comments at the Post are just ridiculous (some of them I mean, others correct the idiocy). Not only is this somehow important, but the Obamas created this menu (of mostly Chinese food, once again) and ordered Sidwell Friends to run it, as an intentional slap in the face to the troops. Gah people are stupid.

    And for fuck's sake, Pearl Harbor was seventy fucking years ago. I guess, out of respect for the troops, we should refuse to eat Mexican food on the anniversary of the day Mexican troops stepped into a part of Mexico that we decided to say should be ours, thus allowing the US to falsely claim the Mexicans had invaded us and launch a war to steal their land?

  17. chascates

    From our friend Wikipedia it seems many of these are from Japan's arch foe China:
    Edamame bean is a preparation of immature soybeans in the pod commonly found in Japan, China, and Hawaii.
    Fried rice is a popular component of Asian cuisine, especially Chinese food.
    Fortune cookies are often served as a dessert in Chinese restaurants in the United States and some other countries, but are absent in China.

    I doubt Asian Mushroom Soup is called so in Asia. Worst of all Classic Spinach Salad is probably French.

      1. PalinzADummy

        If you know anything at all about Chinese cuisine, the various soups that have mushrooms in them generally also have names along the lines of "The General's Foot Breaks The Back Of The Mounted Troops," or "Pearls Among The Jade," or "Spring Snow Overflows The Riverbanks."

        Chinese cuisine is delightfully poetic (and sometimes amazingly coarse, but always entertaining) in terms of names. None of this "Duck cooked in Orange Juice" descriptive business. When they say descriptive, they MEAN descriptive.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Edamame bean is a preparation of immature soybeans in the pod commonly found in Japan, China, and Hawaii.

      So, now it all begins to make sense. I expect an extra special Glenn Beck Black Board rant on Edamame and the coming Communist revolution in the next day or two. Didn't Bill Ayers once try to blow up a cop using only Edamame and Soy Sause?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Which, as I remember from Alton's show and my Grandmother, is German in origin.

        And now the conspiracy is compete.

      2. PalinzADummy

        Oh god I gained 20 lb and a layer of fat around my heart just from reading the recipe.

        Sweet christ. 8 oz. spinach and 1 lb bacon. Why not call it "bacon-and-egg salad in grease"?

  18. coolhandnuke

    Newt is in such a lather over Menugate that he had breakfast at Tiffany's. Just his and Callista's way of commemorating Pearl Necklace Day.

  19. Baconzgood

    OH MY GOD! I just realized that I ate Libyan food for lunch!!!! FUCK THAT MAKES ME A MOOSLUM TERRIST.

  20. littlebigdaddy

    Hmmm…let's see…Pearl Harbor is in HAWAII….which is where Obama was planted after being born in KENYA. He went to OCCIDENTAL college, and now is forcing schoolkids to eat ORIENTAL food on PEARL HARBOR day. Connect the dots, sheeple!!!!!1111111111!!!!

    1. MrFizzy

      And most of those terms have at least six letters, and guess what else has six letters: MUSLIN, that's what, morans!

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Cokie Roberts will never live that sycophancy to the GOP "elitist" talking point down. Nor should she.

      CR's just another case of who you know, or from whose loins you sprang, not what you know.

  21. Eve8Apples

    Many Americans eat ham on Christmas and Easter to celebrate the life of a Jew. Does that make any fuckin' sense?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      We used to eat lamb at Easter. Like the lamb of God. Oh, fuck, WE ATE JESUS.

      Wait, weren't we supposed to?

    2. schvitzatura

      Tammuz, a Sumerian shepherd-god of the dying-and-rising deity school of deities, was killed by a wild pig…we consumeth the flesh of the offending animal, so let it be written, so let it be done.

      In the name of Iesus…

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    However, you have to give the Right Wing Pundocracy credit. After all, didn't FDR remind us "December 7th, 1941, a day that I got food poisoning from some bad tofu!"

    From Freedom Fries to this, apparently all Conservative foreign policy comes down to what you eat (or, in the case of Bill O'Reilly, spread on the women you want to fuck). Which probably explains why they support Chis Christie and Newt Gingrich.

  23. Baconzgood

    I clicked to the link to the free rethuglic (I feel dirty now) and read the comments. It's like looking into Glenn Becks head.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Totally empty except for a creepy little man in the corner rocking back and forth going "They are all out to get me, they are all out to get me"?

  24. OneYieldRegular

    What kind of creep goes onto the Sidwell Friends school web site to see what the kids are eating for lunch?

    PS: the "Day that will live in Infamy" is not December 7, 2011, but December 7, 1941. Cretin.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    It could have been a lot worse. The First Daughters could have been getting bombed on kamikazes while listening to Pearl Harbor and The Explosions.

    [Yes, I know this is quite similar to my 12/7/2010 post. Hey - I wrote 'em!]

  26. Antispandex

    "…it was a place where a bunch of American soldiers were attacked by a bunch of Japanese soldiers these seventy years ago today."

    I know history is not very important, I mean, compared to what you might be doing on your I-Thingy, or whatever, but really? Let's just say you watched a movie or something. You didn't notice that almost all of the dead were sailors? That most of them died on one ship, in a horrific explosion? Soldiers? Really? I wish I could snark, but I am a sailor, and I stood on that monument, and I just can't think of anything funny to say.

    1. Steverino247

      A retired Navy friend of mine reports that when asked by Japanese tourists for directions to the USS Arizona memorial, the correct answer is "It's out there in the harbor where you fuckers left it."

      Thanks for your service, Sailor. It's a team sport, defending the United States from its foreign policy mistakes. (That said, I hope Army kicks Navy's ass on Saturday.)

    2. ttommyunger

      I usually think it's kind of funny when a civilian doesn't know the difference between a Soldier, Marine, Sailor, Airman, etc. Ignorance doesn't anger me; constant nitpicking and carping as in this article sort of does.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      I saw one that compared the preparation of food in a microwave to the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima, and well, I didn't feel the need to read any further.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Umm… You might want to check a few posts back on teh wonkette, before you pass too harsh a judgment.

    1. PalinzADummy

      I'm willing to bet a pretty sizeable amount that John McCain would never eat tofu period, at least not if he knew what it was before he stuck it in his piehole.

  27. Mojopo

    OT: Occupy Chicago's supply carts have been confiscated and crushed – right on LaSalle. I just got an e-mail about it from the group.

  28. jus_wonderin

    I had Vienna Sausages and Snyder's Mini Pretzels for lunch. What does that make me? Other than an individual who has absolutely no discrimination as to what I put in my mouth?

    Actually, I did think about Asian when I was out at lunch but decided to save the cash.

    1. PalinzADummy

      What you need, young-feller-me-lad, is someone to pack your lunch, all fresh and home-cooked. You could do it yourself, I suppose, but I notice food always tastes better when someone else cooks it.

  29. flamingpdog

    Didn't Gary Hart get kicked out of the 1988 Presidential race for eating Donna Rice on Pearl Harbor Day?

  30. Generation[redacted]

    Conservatives are complaining about serving Chinese and American food on Pearl Harbor day? WHOSE SIDE ARE THEY ON??/?/????

  31. sbj1964

    Japanese food on pearl Harbor day, What's next ? Ham served on Easter day ! Because that is what Jesus who was a Jew would eat?

  32. arihaya

    by eating Chinese food (Szechuan Tofu and Veggies) isn't that means Obamas are honoring our steadfast WW2 Allies the Chinese under Chaing Kai Sek.

    or perhaps since Chinese are not white they don't count?

    1. Steverino247

      Ah, Generalissimo Chaing Kai-shek. About whom it was said, "He's a sonofabitch, but he's OUR sonofabitch."

  33. Guppy

    Obviously anybody who eats Japanese cuisine is a potential traitor. We'd best round them up and send them to a concentration internment camp in Arizona for the duration of the crisis.

    You'd think nobody in Hawaii ever eats Asian cuisine, before during or since. STFU, haole.

      1. Guppy

        A major part of it, but saying that nobody in Hawaii eats Asian is like saying nobody in Texas eats Mexican.

        1. Generation[redacted]

          Texas schools are serving tacos? While we are under an invasion of illegals? Sound the drudge siren!

  34. El Pinche

    Hahaha..well shit, I went to Mikados and had a dragon , hot tuna roll and some warm sake. I didn't even think about it. Maybe I should a got the Anusburger with cheese and a large corn syrup.

  35. Extemporanus

    I added "…in bed!" to everyone's fortune cookies, and it made them waaay funnier.

    ME FIST YOU LONG TIME!

      1. bagofmice

        I don't care what the ads say with their bowling balls and wine glasses, in bed you WILL feel the vending machine.

      2. bagofmice

        Can't argue there. Yeah, you're going to have to expand each branch in this thread to get relevant context for parsing these remarks.

      3. bagofmice

        If you can support Chris Christie AND Newt Gingrich, well, hats off to you. Seriously, the bed reaching the limit.

        1. Extemporanus

          Oh. My. God.

          I…I just…wow…did that…I really…man…I don't even…that was…holy shit…you…I…are…can't…what were…seriously…I mean…wow. WOW.

          Talk about "paste at volume" — I came, like, 50 fucking times tonight! I'm gonna go smoke a carton of cigarettes now…

          Your upfists are on the dresser. Your avatard is in my stalk box. And your p-ness is forever in my wet spot.

          You're the motherfuckin' bomb, B.O'M…

  36. Wonderthing

    Obama flew the planes into the Pearl Harbor Trade Center himself before parachuting out over a Pennsylvania cornfield where he played Chinese checkers with illegal Messicans in the back of a Toyota. It's true. I read it on the InnerNet.

  37. glamourdammerung

    Seeing G. Gordon Liddy bitching about someone not being patriotic enough and getting taken credibly pretty much sums up how completely stupid the conservatives are at this point.

    1. Steverino247

      The trick is not minding that he's a criminal sonofabitch now making a good living spouting his bullshit.

    2. ttommyunger

      G. Gordon Liddy, America's most flagrant fuck-up; next to Dubya….Tape over a lock to keep a door open, briefcase with WH phone numbers left in hotel room, WH phone #s in possession of his men at the time of arrest? What an ignorant dick, can't carry out a simple black-bag burglary without bringing an Administration down. I used his whole name in the hope that he sees this on his daily "google alerts". Dipshit!

  38. Guppy

    On this day 70 years ago, an expansionist empire attacked the world's biggest oil producer simply because they refused to play ball.

    Are we done yet?

  39. Mojopo

    I feel so dumb. I had Nilla cookies and some coconut water, when I should have had apple pan dowdy, apparently.

  40. CheeseNPear

    They should have eaten Hamburgers and Frankfurters. Nobody could possibly associate those names with any country other than the good old USA, could they? At least, not one with any WWII record worse than the Japanese, right?

  41. Hagop99

    Pearl Harbor was NOT an "attack on U.S. soil". Hawaii was not part of the U.S. in 1941.
    Just sayin'.

    1. user-of-owls

      They seem to be genetically engineered to endure endless bouts of self-induced hysterical stress.

      That's a shame.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      I think it's alright since they are breeding the Asian out of their line. Like Native Americans turning white when they convert to Mormony.

  42. user-of-owls

    True Story: Back in grad school I worked in the Japanese Consulate in Houston as a "speech writer." Can Owls hoot in Japanese? No, not a lick. What I did was take the feed from the Foreign Ministry in Tokyo, the same feed/words/speech that every single Japanese diplomat from Berlin to Ougadougou was giving, and transform the "English" they sent into something the East Bushy Rock Rotary Club could marginally understand.

    Anyway, every December 7, they dragged out either the lowliest schmuck on the totem pole or someone who'd been very, very bad and stuck him in front of a telephone from 7am until 6pm to exclusively answer all the calls that came in regarding Pearl Harbor from the locals. So for 11 hours straight, and the phone never stopped ringing, the poor bastard listened to an endless stream of expletives punctuated by Jap, Nip and, why not, Chink. Many a Japanese Foreign Service sarariman was broken on that day.

  43. a_pink_poodle

    I can't be bothered to come up with a smart ass comment about this so I'm just going to say the original author is stupid and, believe me, I know stupid. I have a masters in stupid as well as a minor in idiocy and buffoonery.

  44. Troglodeity

    Newt Gingrich, on the other hand, patriotically refused to pay child support for his two daughters from his first marriage – so as to avoid any possibility that he might be contributing to their eating Japanese food on Pearl Harbor Day.

  45. ttommyunger

    Is there no end to the nitpicking and carping from the fringe right? I jest…..of course there isn't.

  46. Negligently_Joe

    Just wait until these guys found out that roughly 1.2 million New Yorkers ate falafel or halal lamb for lunch, this past 9/11. NEVER FORGET, PEOPLE!

  47. a_pink_poodle

    Oh! I have a snarky comment now!

    Ahemhemhem… "It is rather insensitive for Asia to have been built so close to Japanese ground"

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