THE WAR ON XMASWEEN  2:50 pm December 6, 2011

‘Crucified Santa’ Holiday Display Goes Over As Well As You’d Expect

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The kids will love it!

Is it Xmasween time already, kids? Not if the furious Christians of Loudoun County, Virginia have anything to say about it! A holiday display on the courthouse lawn featuring a crucified Santa skeleton was reduced to ruins thanks to a bilious outpouring of fury from the Jesus people, and more specifically because one enraged woman stopped by to personally tear it apart. The point of the display according to the artist was to “depict society’s materialistic obsessions and addictions and how it is killing the peace, love, joy and kindness that is supposed to be prevalent during the holiday season,” which is naturally a sentiment deeply offensive to Christians, because of Santa being one of the original twelve apostles and, uh… what else, mall shopping being a holy sacrament? Anyway, more importantly, WHO IS TO BLAME FOR ALLOWING THIS ABOMINATION IN THE FIRST PLACE???

Hahahaha, it’s the easy answer: Christians did!

Leesburg Today reports on this hilarious “whoops” move by the nutters:

The debate over the courthouse displays began in November 2009, when the county’s Courthouse Grounds Facility Committee decided to no longer allow any displays–including the manger scene that usually was displayed at the corner of King and Market streets–on the grounds during the holiday season. Public outcry ensued, including calls that the decision was infringing on residents’ religious freedom, and the Board of Supervisors a few days later overturned the committee decision, saying all displays were welcome on the courthouse grounds. County Attorney John R. Roberts advised the board its options were to allow all displays, or none, and that they could not limit displays based on content.

Under rules adopted by the Board of Supervisors, 10 displays have been allowed in 10 specific locations on the courthouse grounds, with applications accepted on a first-come, first-served basis until all the spots are taken. This year, all of the applications were submitted by March and a majority of them came from atheists or those promoting “reason over religion” this holiday season. Two displays will promote the “Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

The Xmasween Santa may not have survived, but residents will still be able to enjoy some of these fine displays that also made the list by virtue of being submitted on time:

• A sign showing a picture of the Easter Bunny, Santa and Jesus Christ with text that states, “Myths for Young and Old,” a quote from Thomas Edison and information about the Loudoun Atheists, submitted by Leesburg resident Emmert Elsea.

• A banner with the text “Celebrating our Constitution” and language about keeping church and state separate, submitted by Leesburg resident Rick Wingrove. The banner comes from American Atheists and NOVA Atheists.

• A banner promoting “reason in the holiday season,” submitted by Lansdowne resident Larry Mendoza.

• A holiday display that will either be a Tree of Knowledge or a holiday message sign, from Sterling resident Lydia Rice.

Sneaky atheists, thinking about Christmas back in March before all those holiday ads go up to remind everyone to buy more shit. It’s almost like cheating! [Leesburg Today/The Friendly Atheist]

 
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{ 342 comments }

jdoleman December 6, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Crucified Santa rises from the dead just in time for Christmas? I think I've seen that movie.

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Looks like the Fat man has lost a few pounds! I heard the Reindeer were going to charge him a higher ticket rate for being over weight

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 3:19 pm

and no more than 3 ounces of hooch in his hip flask, or it'll be "Ho Ho Ho JESUS!! – TAKE YOUR FUCKING RINGS OFF BEFORE YOU STICJ YOUR HAND UP THERE!!!, courtesy of the TSA (aka the Probey Elves)

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Goatse? Is that you, dood?

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Silent Night, Deadly Night is always a holiday favorite

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

You should check out Santa's Slay. Goldberg burns off Fran Drescher's face with scalding soup and then decapitates her.

Fun for the whole family!

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 11:54 pm

And, the "red" on Rudolph's nose? Human blood.

YouBetcha December 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Weekend at Bernie's: Holiday Special

Pat_Pending December 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

…then he sees his shadow and goes back into his cave for another six weeks…

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm

He gave you presents; now he WANTS YOUR BLOOD!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Seems like a fair trade.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Maye Skeletal Santa can be Jeff Dunham's new puppet, and have hilarious conversations with Achmed the Dead Terrorist while we try to ignore Dunhams moving lips.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:25 pm

I thought Dunham was the joke.

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2011 at 2:53 pm

If I want to see a crucified Santa, I'll go to Japan, thank you very much.
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/cross.as

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Which will it be, dood? Great minds think alike? Or small minds seldom differ?

Or COMMENTERS SHOULD FUCKING READ EVERY COMMENT BEFORE COMMENTING!!!!!

Sorry. I'll be OK. Breathe. Breathe deep.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

The point of the display according to the artist was to “depict society’s materialistic obsessions and addictions and how it is killing the peace, love, joy and kindness that is supposed to be prevalent during the holiday season…"

WALMART AMURKINS R NOT AMUSED!

This is central to my point. Also, this. Furthermore, and such as.
~

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

That second one must be great to dance with.

FlownOver December 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

BackRack, FTW!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Those back boobs have haunted my nightmares since I first saw them.

I mean, WHO the FUCK ties those things together to make them stand out more?

jodyleek December 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Those aren't back boobs. Those are the wings of a Teatard angel.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Oh, jodyleek, you so BAD.

At least I'll be laughing through my nightmares, now.

(She tied them together! With blue string!)

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Is the second one Newt?

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 11:56 pm

The back-boobs are hypnotizing. They are so perfectly symmetrical.

comrad_darkness December 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Am I a bad person because I really want a reddish brown marker to put proper nipples on those?

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Bah. On my daily walks I see hundreds of "flat Santas", and snowmen and probably even Jebuses, lighten up frothers. It's the holidays.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

They frighten my dog on our walks. The nerve horror

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Maybe the Christians were just angry because the display of the Roman murder instrument that they believe was used to torture and execute their savior is supposed to be a symbol for happy celebrations of Easter, not Christmas.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 8:47 pm

So you're saying that a crucified Easter Bunny would be OK with the Xtards? I look forward to testing this theory.

Sue4466 December 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Santa H. Christ on a cross, you can't make those Christians happy.

Onward Christmas Soldiers.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Extemporanus December 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

♫♪ …And I was 'round when Santa Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Prancer
Licked his hands and pulled his sleigh…
♫♪

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Shouldn't that be "pulled his slain"?

To, you know, rhyme and stuff.

Extemporanus December 6, 2011 at 6:44 pm

If the Stones can rhyme "pain" with "fate", then I can sure as hell rhyme "pain" with "sleigh".

'MURICAN EXCEPSHUNALIZM!!

GregComlish December 6, 2011 at 6:04 pm

little known fact:

The "H" in "Santa H. Christ" actually stands for "Hanukkah"

hagajim December 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm

So Jeebus became Santa when he retired?

Ruhe December 6, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I like that idea…a wiser, kinder, less angry Jeebus, seasoned by age.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Jeebus was mostly OK and not-angry, except at the truly disgusting people like money changers (I'm looking at you, Republicans) and stuff. But, yeah, I like the idea of Santa Jeebus.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2011 at 5:52 pm

So Big J fattened up, and decided to work with the money-changers; a Xmas lesson for everyone!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Wow! Bonus points for creativity, Swampgas_Man!

After all, Santa gets us to buy all those gifts the capitalists profit from, RIGHT?

MrFizzy December 6, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Jeebus is Hebrew for Rudolph.

Texan_Bulldog December 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Ha ha! These folks SO need to see the Santa vs. Jesus South Park episode.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Hooray for the internets! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSQczYEeB2w

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2011 at 2:28 am

oh thanks so much for that, it's a tradition that we watch this episode every holiday season, at Kwanzika (Dad always ends up snortin' eggnog out his nose, good times!)

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Santa died for your gifts ,and came back 3 days later with a crew of Zombie Reindeer,and were seen by many.

Ruhe December 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Brilliant.

elviouslyqueer December 6, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Oh great. You've given away the season 2 ending for "The Walking Dead." SPOILER.

SexySmurf December 6, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Every fucking year with this shit. If these hillbillies want to put up Crimbo decorations so badly, they should move some of the broken down cars off their lawns and put the nativity scenes there.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Baby Jesus… in the ass end of a rusty, up on blocks 67 Chevy Pick up… With the 3 wise Racoons gathered around… I like it.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

3 wise racoons… I know a taxidermist who will give you a good deal on that.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 8:50 pm

If they were all that wise, they wouldn't have ended up stuffed. But who's gonna know, right?

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 3:28 pm

It would look nice next to the truck tire planter.

YouBetcha December 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Absolutely no joke: my Texass relatives have a defunct toilet in the back yard, which they merrily string up with Christmas lights in December. Actually, the lights are on it all year. They just turn them on in December. In Jesus's name we pray, Amen.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm

"Hey look at the calendar… it's December already! Jimmy Joe Bob… time to duct tape that cord together again."

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Sweet Christ. Nobody ever gets overly drunk and pukes down that thing, do they? Or a sudden attack of alcohol-inspired diarrhoea?

YouBetcha December 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Sure they do, but the twice-yearly rain seems to clean it out real purrty.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I was going to say "Oh, Jesus," like I usually do, but somehow that just sounds so … wrong.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Gives "worship the porcelain god" a new gloss, doesn't it?

MrFizzy December 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Oh, I don't know, I think those filthy plastic wise men with the 15-watt light bulbs look good intermingled with '79 Monte Carlos.

Douché December 6, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Hillbillies???? We here in LOCO ( Loudoun County) are full of HOA's, I can't even put a goddamn pink flamingo in my front yard without getting fined. But these bitches can hang a cross in front of the court house without setting it on fire and all they do is rip the skeleton santa off it? Christ, I mean what would Jesus do, holy shit, did I just type all of that. What an imbecile.

LabRodent December 6, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Remember this date people 12/06/2011. The War of Christmas, the first shot his been fired.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

One day before the remembrance of the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor.

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Which is a good time to consider buying Newt Gingrich's book!

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I've considered it.

Nah.

Sparky_McGruff December 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Wait a minute. Papa Bush said Pearl Harbor was on September 7th.

"Today, you remember. I wonder how many Americans remember. Today is Pearl Harbor Day. Forty-seven years ago to this very day, we were hit and hit hard at Pearl Harbor and we were not ready," Bush said.

"Freedom is on the march… Did I say Sept. 7? Sorry about that–Dec. 7, 1941, 47 years."

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 2:59 pm

all religious freedom is equal but some religious freedom is more equal than others.

natoslug December 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

This is Christmas! Whaddya think yer doin', letting atheists, muzzies, Jews and other commie socialist godless nazi heathens ram their rights to free speech down our throats???!!!!!????f11?

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

From the comments; The Santa on the cross seems to qualify as a Hate Crime, not Free Speech to be protected.

I shit you not.

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Elf Libel!!

natoslug December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

I hope the same moron is cataloging his local churches for similar hate crimes.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Someone needs to learn exactly what a hate crime is.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I will cite the Wingnut to English Dictionary for this one:

Hate Crime

n. Anything that makes a white Christian heterosexual male uncomfortable.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

So is it a hate crime to point out that Tim Teabow is a shitty quarterback who's very lucky to be on a team with a great defense?

FlownOver December 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Oh, God, we humbly beseech Thee… of all the supplications addressing the world's many needs, please grant the request of a handful of oversized millionaires and give us a FIELD GOAL!

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

But the real kick in the nuts, is he keeps winning games.
I have to believe that John Elway has put a bounty out on him.

Ruhe December 6, 2011 at 4:55 pm

No, no. The hate crime, i.e., "anything that makes a white Christian heterosexual male uncomfortable", is the erection said male gets whenever he watches Timothy Richard take the field.

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Really? How do get Hate crime from that display? This should be Interesting!

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Maybe he never got any good presents and so he hates the Claus.

littlebigdaddy December 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

But if the cross were burning, no probs.

Dashboard Buddha December 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I have hated Santa since the fucker didn't bring me the Hot Wheels racing set like I wanted.

WhatTheHolyHeck December 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Fucker hasn't ever brought me a single thing, and that's a hate crime. It's not like he couldn't find the house either; you could see the menorah in our window from three blocks away.

ChernobylSoup December 6, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Perfect.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Maybe the Chanukah Bush was blocking it.

WhatTheHolyHeck December 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Funny, it doesn't look Yewish.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Oy, and for that you want Christmas presents? What, you didn't get enough gelt at Hanukah?

hagajim December 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Hanging an imaginary character on a cross depicting another likely imaginary character is a hate crime?…Jesus save me!

datateday December 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

12 days – OF TERROR!

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

silent night, deadly night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph2qpWw7nZI

datateday December 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Santa Kills!

Dashboard Buddha December 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

On the first day of terror my bagger brought to me…

a cartridge in a bare tree.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Brilliant. Would steal again.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

On the second day of terror my gyno brought to me…

two fertile loves

and a cartridge in a bare tree.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:30 pm

ZOMG. I can't even dip a toe in. Carry on, fellas, you're doing FINE!

datateday December 7, 2011 at 12:22 am

On the third day of terror my— Oh no, Santa! What are you doing in here? Oh no, what are you doing– Santa! Help! Nooo!!! Why are you–?! Aaaaaaackk!!!!!

DaSandman December 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

It would have all been fine if the artist had the foresight to have the skelly Santa carry a big honking .50 cal machine gun while he was buggering a tender Senate page. Then the Jeebus folks would have understood it was a display sponsored by Virginia Republicans

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

When the fundie conservatives* put up their little imaginary fetus-graveyard with the little white crosses and such on the lawn of our local Catholic Church, somebody came and messed that shit up, too.

But I'm pretty sure it was just kids on BMX bikes, thinking it would make a rad slalom course.

(*Same assholes who just got Harry Potter banned from my kid's school library.)

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Have your kid bring in a copy of "Naked Lunch" and watch the zany antics.

JK, of course. I would never endanger a child.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I don't know how old Lascaux' kids are, but I read Naked Lunch when I was 13. My parents thought it was "science fiction" and the nuns didn't even notice.

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 6:36 pm

My kid is 11. She just really wants read harry Potter is all.

Oddly enough, one of the Harry Potter books was her most recent majorly overdue dad-is-getting-pissed-just-find-the-damn-book-and-return-it-OR-NO-MORE-LIBRARY-PRIVILEGES-book! (We go through this scene about 5 times every school year.) The really dumb part is we have all the Harry Potter books at home already.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:53 pm

That's funny. I don't know why kids do what they do, and I know that most parents don't find it terribly amusing at the time, but I know I did stuff very similar to that when I was a kid. My parents had an entire house full of books, shelves in every room crammed floor to ceiling with books. And, being the weird people they were, they exercised no parental guidance or control whatsoever, so that most of us had read Lady Chatterly's Lover, Naked Lunch, and the like, long before we had any understanding of what they meant. Nevertheless, we HAD to drag poor Dad to the library every weekend without fail to get books that we had at home.

I think it's the way kids exercize some control over their environment, however pitifully small and inadequate and illusory that control is. Poor you. All I can say is, someday you'll be laughing your ass off as your kid goes through this exact same scenario with HER kid. I suspect it's the main reason people want their kids to have kids: revenge for all the suffering they went through as parents.

finallyhappy December 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I'm guessing that The Hunger Games would get burned in your area then. Harry Potter is nothing compared to those books.

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Happy Santa Ween, everyone!

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

"God Cruci-Santa bless us, every one!"

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

And Smelly Newt's Ears to you, Negligently_Joe!

MrsBiggTime December 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Three days after He was crucified, Santa rises from the dead.
He sees His shadow, signalling six more weeks of Holiday shopping.

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Black Friday……Good Friday………I haz a confuz….

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

"We're gonna need more shipping containers."

-Wal Mart worker

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 3:34 pm

"And safety goggles."

-Wal Mart customer

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

"And a new ventilation system."

-Wal Mart security guard

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

And MOAR pepper-spray!

Wut? It's a vegetable, essentially!

Troglodeity December 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

The Loudoun Atheists … a.k.a. The Optimists.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Uh-Oh. I better rethink my crucified Easter Bunny display this Spring.

Biff December 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I usually go wigh the spatchcocked rabbit myself.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:48 pm

The ex-who-is-a-chef used to think it was very amusing to serve bunnies made out of duck liver pate (with little currants for eyes) at Easter. When I complained, the response was "Wut? How else will they know there's a Jew in the kitchen?"

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Look, conservative assholes, you demanded fiscal austerity and government cutbacks, so Loudon County had to 'go Galt' on the traditional Jebus-Donkey Stall and all it can afford is crucified skeleton Santa.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Santa's goin' hungry this year, no government cash for venison.

Troglodeity December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Something tells me that if the "Loudoun Atheists," "American Atheists" and "NOVA Atheists" held a joint meeting in Leesburg, they could have it in a McDonald's booth with a couple seats to spare.

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

they need to combine and form a paraplegic Voltron.

OneDollarJuana December 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Just goes to show how few people actually have the ability for critical thought.

delaney_blom December 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

The congregation was much larger before the Loudoun Atheists splintered off because they do not recognize the supremacy of PBS. That's when the "Atheists" added NOVA to the name of their organization, denoting the source of their dogma.

Biff December 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Splitters!

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Christmas Myth #14:
That guy at the mall isn't Santa. He's really just a Defensive Coordinator.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I thought he was Officer Pike.

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

♫ ♪ He's makin' a list,
Checkin' it twice.
'Gonna find out who's naughty and nice,
And then pepper-spray them all indiscriminately anyway. ♪ ♫

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 12:17 am

Sandusky Libel!

James Michael Curley December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Always in the south – the deep south, not Long Branch, NJ. There they have a festive Christmas Eve display of Santa and his workshop staged live. Ol' Sam Browne combs the fall folliage out of his beard, dresses in red and brings along his eight teen aged 'daughters' dressed as naughty elves.

Captain_Quark December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Dear Faithful,

It's high time that we take Christ out of Christmas. The whole thing is a magnificent pagan holiday rooted in the feasts of the winter solstice. Let's spend this Yule getting back to the basics: eating, drinking, fucking, and having a grand ol' time. I'll see you 'neath the mistletoe, awaiting my blowjob.
Yours in the name of Odin,
Captain Quark.

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 3:10 pm

HAPPY SATURNALIA!

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm

We need to put the Saturn back in Saturnalia!

OneDollarJuana December 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I know Herman Cain is getting back to those things that matter.

And meeting with his wife's attorneys.

TeaNuts December 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Not sure I agree with the order. ….basics: eating, drinking, fucking, and having a grand ol' time.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Herman? Herman Cain, is that you?

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Where in this day in age are we going to find a virgin to Sacrifice?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:17 pm

I had the cats spayed and neutered before they ever got to taste the delights of unbridled sex, so I suppose you could have one of THEM, in a pinch.

ManchuCandidate December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Imagine that. A Fundie over extending themselves and it all blowing up in their face.

HogeyeGrex December 6, 2011 at 3:31 pm

The preceding blowjob comment changes your imagery somewhat.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Where's the Festivus pole?

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm

And shouldn't we include Hanukkah Harry?

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Mine is but a Viagra away…

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Yasser, you slut.

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Yeah, well, I'm hoping to get nailed at Christmas, so to speak

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I'll drink to that.

I wonder if I'll get lucky this Xmas? Maybe I'll try using your line.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Feats of Strength Libel!

Pat_Pending December 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Well, we've had quite a lot of Airing Of The Grievances…

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 12:19 am

That's what she said.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

one enraged woman stopped by to personally tear it [the display] apart

This reminds me of my friend who loves to tell how he & his cousins, growing up along the mountainous Blue Ridge, would take stiffened, not-yet-rotten deer carcasses and prop them up near the roadways (ones w/ intact antlers worked best, obvs) then lay back and watch (this was during hunting season, duh) as motorists drunk from hunting would spy'em a 'live' one in the dim twilight and fire at their latest game sighting through the rolled-down window without bothering to pull over. Occasionally their vehicles slowed as passengers gawked at their fired-upon specimen, frozen-still yet so lifelike.

So yeah, are we sure this isn't Loudoun Heights, WEST Virginia? cause I'm thinking the only thing more furious than a punk'd hunts-hick would be a rabid Christian onlooker with a martyr complex and zero sense of humor.

FlownOver December 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

"…a rabid Christian onlooker with a martyr complex and zero sense of humor?"

A triple from the Department of Tautological Redundancy Department! Well played, sir/ma'am/entity.

BlackRhino December 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Every time I hear of the Flying Spaghetti Monster this time of year it makes me laugh.

Oh Great Flying Spaghetti Monster, you are here but once a year and you bring joy and laughter.

FNMA December 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

And meatballs.

Pat_Pending December 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I count myself as a Pastafarian.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I just want to EAT spaghetti and meatballs 24/7/365.

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Mmm…..body and blood of Jeebus….vs Spaghetti & Meatballs……decisions, decisions….

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Go with the meatballs. Less clean-up, and it's easier to manage. Plus, blood is an emetic (really).

BelleSC December 6, 2011 at 7:25 pm

"I count myself as a Pastafarian."

As do I. For I have been touched by the noodly appendage.

GunToting[Redacted] December 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

And Parmesan. Don't forget the fucking cheese.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Oh, NEVER. Cheese is what holds our Pasta fari together.

OneYieldRegular December 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I can't wait for the Easter displays.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I'm already at work on my new series called, "Alternate execution methods for Jesus." Where do I file for the permit?

OneYieldRegular December 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Try calling the Perry campaign.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

They'll hang a live bunny on the cross.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Not one, but two displays by the Pastafarians. They are a force to be reckoned with!

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Christmas is not about sharing, giving or being kind to fellow humans… It is solely about spending, pepper spraying and Mega-Stores! Get with it!"
"I HATE YOU!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Fuckers!"

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Mom?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm

She was the excitable sort, was she? (I know, crazy, you said.)

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"Jingle Bells, Go to Hell!"

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm

I seem to remember something from my wildly misspent yoof:

Jingle Bells, Batman smells …

I forget the rest.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm

… Robin laid an egg …

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Well, robins tend to.

Oh, you said Robin. Right.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Why is it that I'm sure a crucified Santa will give Bill O'Reilly the biggest orgasm he has had since the last time he walked by a Falafel stand?

YouBetcha December 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Santa goes in, Santa pulls out. You can't explain it.

SoBeach December 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

His bony, fleshless fingers are on your bedroom doorknob right now, and he's starting to turn it.

Now go to sleep, kids, or you won't get any presents.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Don't forget his fun time happy jolly friend, The Krampus!

SoBeach December 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm

We need to bring that cuddly guy back. Kids would wake up xmas morning happy just to be alive.

Meanwhile all that money I would have spent on xboxes and hollister clothes can be better spent on booze, smokes, and bail.

Goonemeritus December 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Why can’t we all just get behind Freemasonry as our founders intended?

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

The All-Seeing Eye…. there's an ornament I would buy….

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

I was thinking "Eye of Sauron" for the top of the tree this year.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Run away with me, Biely. We'll put the Eye of Sauron on the Xmas tree together.

Jezus, y'all are the biggest bunch of fucking sickos on the planet. No wonder I love it here.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm

The weather might be frightful, but I don't think you'd find the fire inside all that delightful. (Those aren't chestnuts roasting, for one thing…)

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

The Jedi religion is sorely underrepresented. Have we forgotten the spirit of Life Day?

natoslug December 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

No, but we're trying to.

MosesInvests December 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

These aren't the elves you're looking for….

Extemporanus December 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Dear Loudoun County Godless Heathen Heroes,

Should you run out of sufficiently offensive holiday display ideas, feel free to adapt mine from a couple years ago:

"Never Regift…"

You're welcome,
Extemporanus

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

ReGrifting, OTOH, is A-OK – scamming the conservitards a second time before they realize they were shafted the first time…..well, it's positively…. Christian

whiterabid December 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

WHO IS TO BLAME FOR ALLOWING THIS ABOMINATION IN THE FIRST PLACE???

The Muppets?

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocey and Brian Kilmeade (he's the smart one) are crying their eyes out and breaking things.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

How can you tell? (I mean, that he's the smart one)

Trannysurprise December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

How do they know that isn't Jebus? He is, after all, dead and is probably skeletonized by now.

What could be better than a dead suffering Jebus Santa on the cross so you can have an Xbox?

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Now I had Jesus for dinner last night; he looked like a cracker and a glass of red wine.

OurHoboSenator December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

How can I incorporate this into the Jesus/Santa slashfic I'm writing?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Very carefully.

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

That's my joke, Pristine.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Dammit, ntD! I never wake up early enough to get the good ones in.

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Turnabout is fair play.

weejee December 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Well is crucifying Santa really that outre? Some folks would like to crucify a certain alleged pedophile coach from PSU, so if ya crucify one pedo, should ya crucify 'em all?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I'm down wit' dat.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

"Courthouse Displays Go Up…"

Courthouse Displays Go Down. Never a Miscommunication.

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

How come Loudoun County has a dead Santa and Orange has none? You can't explain it.

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I think it is really important to also have the 10 Commandments posted on every building and city bus because sometimes I forget that stabbing people and stealing stuff is a bad thing to do.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

How about nailing the seventh commandment to Newtie's and Hermie's foreheads?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I know they spend all their time preening in front of the mirror, pdog, but I don't think either of them reads that well.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

You do? And here I was, thinking of you as a mild-mannered semi-professional birdwatcher!

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I'm more of a Bird Picture taker than a pure bird watcher. Bird watchers are pretty nerdy. But it is true that you do have to know a little about birds to know where to look for them because it would be dumb to look for Horned larks in a tree when everybody knows that they run around on the ground in Corn Field stubble LOL!11!!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I have a pair of good friends who are avid (heh) birdwatchers, schlepping over high country and low, binoculars in hand. I don't think they take any pitchers tho. Your pitchers are truly beautiful. But I can tell you don't live in the same part of the country I do, because I don't recognize most of your bird pitcher birds.

Have you ever been to Singapore? They have an immense, and beautiful, Bird Park there, I think it's the largest in the world, and it's filled with birds running (and flying) free. I saw a Secretary Bird, hornbills, toucans, Birds of Paradise, and the most bizarre collection of sparrows and pigeons. Also, clouds of those little bright-green parrots called tota in India/Pakistan, macaws, hawks, eagles, kestrels, sparrowhawks, and vultures. Fascinating.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

You are truly multifaceted, dearest Dummy.

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I have to assume that the woman that destroyed the display was charged for destruction of property?

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

She was charged with Ruining Christmas Forever.

SoBeach December 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

…she's pleading Noel Lo Contendre

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:25 pm

GROAN!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 9:34 pm

"Noel no comprende" would be more accurate.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Indeed, she has failed to comprehend the spirit of Noel altogether.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Her punishment is having to squat under the mistle-toad.

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I am not there yet, but there is a moment every Christmas season when I get overdosed to the fucking gills on goddamned red and green. But, I am not there…yet.

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Stay away from the BROWN acid-

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Not to mention the endless Xmas songs. I swear to god the first person who yells "Ho, ho, ho!" in my face this year is going to get nutpunched.

PubOption December 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I would make an exception for 'The Fairytale of New York'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwHyuraau4Q

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Ach, lad, it's the Pogues!

You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap-arsed faggot

That's the kind of thing I like to hear at christmas. Many thanks.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I was done Black Friday, and I didn't even leave the house.

PubOption December 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Red wine and Creme de menthe?

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Ewww.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Er? Barf?

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Some people actually think that a 3 headed God,Ghost,man cosmic Jew Came down to earth and raped a 13 yr old girl to impregnate her with himself,so that he could later sacrifice himself to himself for rules he himself put in place,and while down here told people they could live forever if they drink his blood ,and eat his flesh? And that they don't have to burn in hell forever just because some naked Tart got conned into eating a piece of fruit from a magical tree by a talking snake? The Bible story in a Nut Shell.

natoslug December 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

And that is why you should never trust women.

YasserArraFeck December 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Makes about as much sense as a Bachmann presidency….just fewer drugs.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

The "drink his blood and eat his flesh" part always seemed like, uh, overkill to me.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:31 pm

But that's the good part.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:41 pm

You're a very sick, if sweet, little lady, little lady.

Ruhe December 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Nice Job.

Douché December 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

What about the Scimitar and the watery tart?? Oh wait, that's Monty Python, that's probably true–er.

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 3:20 pm

This is tacky. Santa died for your sins ya know.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I thought Cardinal Sin did that.

Chichikovovich December 6, 2011 at 3:21 pm

society’s materialistic obsessions and addictions and how it is killing the peace, love, joy and kindness that is supposed to be prevalent during the holiday season

First: Crucify Santa. Second: Call Christmas "the holiday season". We're clearly dealing with the Baader-Meinhof gang of the War on Christmas.

FlownOver December 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Danny the Red and Green?

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

The War on Christmas has gone hot. From my hick facebook friend about an unrelated government nativity scene:

We as Christians need to stand up and say, "Enough is enough. We've been quiet for too long, and we're not going to take it any more."

Really, you Xtians have been quiet about this for how long? Pass the popcorn, this is going to be a good one.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Hey, I haven't heard a Christian obnoxiously whine about being persecuted for the past Plank time.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm

You SEE why I hang out on teh Wonketz? I actually went and looked up Planck time, and learned something.

Now, admittedly, MOST Of what I learn on teh Wonketz is in the UrbanDictionary(tm), but once in a while, SorosBot, once in a while …

littlebigdaddy December 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I hope you sent him a "happy holidays" message.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

A virtual fruitcake?

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Whatever happened to pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and personal responsibility?
Until I see the FEMA built concentration camps filled with Xtians and placed in forced labor, YOU ARE NOT BEING PERSECUTED.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm

They need to read a little early Japanese history. Now THAT was some persecutioning.

Tommmcattt December 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I'm surprised Disney isn't suing for infringement on The Nightmare Before Christmas".

Puffperney December 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Just wait, if it catches on they will.

donner_froh December 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Public outcry ensued, including calls that the decision was infringing on residents’ religious freedom

Translation: Civic authorities wouldn't allow me to display symbols of my religion while banning everything else.

Tundra Grifter December 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Exactly!

These right wing nutz need to learn a very important life lesson: "Be careful what you wish for!"

They are all for religious freedom. Except for everyone else.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Someone needs to sit these mindless bastards down and explain to them that the Law, in its majesty, will permit Moose Lumps to put their Moose Lump Satanz on the public square if these eejits want to see their Jeebus in there also, too.

Why are they so fucking DENSE?

owhatever December 6, 2011 at 3:26 pm

It's a great day in Loudon County! Set free the Dogs of the War on Christmas and cry Havoc in Aisle 45 at K-Mart.

poorgradstudent December 6, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Finally, a postmodern art project I can get behind, and the fundies destroy it.

Also, aren't these the same people who constantly whine about the "reason for the season"? So shouldn't they be agreeing with the point behind it, or is that giving their capacity for critical thinking way too much credit?

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

the commercialization of Xmas can't be blamed on liberals–yet–so a bell rings, an angel gets its wings, and butthurt "Christians" start salivating.

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I always thought the reason for the season was chocolate covered cherries.

poorgradstudent December 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

OMG YES.

Also vanilla-covered pretzels, which my grandmother liked making for the holidays.

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

WAY too much.

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

"Mommie, does this mean I won't get the pony I asked for at the Mall?"

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Puts the whole, "Santa won't come until you're fast asleep" thing in a whole new light, doesn't it?

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

How about the little urchin that tells Santa that all he wants for Xmas is for Daddy to get a job?

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I actually heard a story on NPR last evening to this effect. It was sad.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm

It is. It's hard enough for the little tykes to get through their childhoods as it is. When Daddy's out of work, and Momma doesn't have money, Christmas must be awfully bleak for the kiddies. I think I'll go give some money to Toys for Tots, or something now. I hate Christmas.

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm

What's "Christmas?"

GorzoTheMighty December 6, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Maybe they were celebrating Dia de los Muertos a little late this year.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Boy, am I glad I was raised a Unitarian.

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I always wondered- does that mean they all use the same bathroom?

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

We got to celebrate everything. Now I hate it all.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

On the PLUS side, think of how much money you'll save not having to buy people cheap shit that they'll break/throw away within three months.

littlebigdaddy December 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Begun, the wars on Xmas have!

GunToting[Redacted] December 6, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Hmm?

actor212 December 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

He died on the Cross for your chimney

Eve8Apples December 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Next year, would Wonkette please publish a link to the Loudoun County Courthouse Christmas display application?

I suspect the Wonkeeters would have some creative ideas to liven up the holidays in Loudoun County. I'm submitting the homage to South Park Hidee Ho Mr. Hanky Christmas poo idea. It involves my dog repeatedly crapping on the courthouse lawn and me covering up the deposits with little Santa hats. Next to the hats, I'll put little signs on the lawn that say, "Hidee Ho Holidays Loudoun County!"

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I'd love to enter a living tribute to my memories of the season. A reenactment of Uncle Ned, a WWII vet, crouched behind the Christmas tree screaming "Cut the red wire! Cut the red wire!".

Meanwhile Aunt Edna, a cigerette dangling from her overly lipsticked lips, whirling in an appliance box with her gin bottle and sloshing tumbler raised in joyously upstretched arms singing "Little Drummer Boy".

Repeat performances every 30 minutes.

Oh the memories.

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

That reminds of the DJ at a Davenport, IA radio station that snapped, barracaded himself in the booth and put "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" on a continuous loop.
Took them almost two hours to get him out.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:29 pm

If I had to play bad Xmas music endlessly for a fucking living, you can bet your ass I'd snap too.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Is that the one that goes "O, Tanenbaum, o tanenbaum …"?

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

i'm thinking "Santa Bathing In The Blood Of Virgins". that's how he achieves immortality. this would also include Bill O'Reilly dressed in fetish gear as a "sexy-elf".

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I like love this idea!

I'd like to do a nativity display with a water buffalo for Joseph and a rhino for Mary, and The Three Wise Cats surrounding the Baby Jeebus as represented by a syringe.

Anybody else hear that dreadful joke about the guy who had to shit while hiking through one of our public parks? Covered it up with his hat? Told a ranger it was a rare bird? No?

How come *I* get all the BAD jokes?

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Now don't you go winning me with the Baby Jeebus = syringe thing.

But, how would you represent the star that shown down upon him in the manger?

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

A giant dick wired to glow on/off in rhythm with the Xmas lights? It could shower a little shower of gold sprinkles on the syringe every so often, to keep things, you know, exciting.

Blueb4sunrise December 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Santa got wood.

Eve8Apples December 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Santa has really let himself go. Maybe he switched to one of those fad vegan, gluten-free diets. He could really use some beer and pizza.

actor212 December 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I think that's a zombie Santa, in which case based on your post he's looking for GRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

You need to give credit where credit is due. The Japanese thought of it first. Maybe. Aifinkso: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/cross.as

anniegetyerfun December 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Well, I have to admit that this is a bit of a bummer. I don't object to it in theory, but… you know, c'mon.

BarackMyWorld December 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Silly atheiodiots! The Bible says freedom of MY religion, not yours!

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

http://www.waronchristmas.com/a-win-for-christmas

sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

FlownOver December 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I don't care what happens as long as Jesus Claus brings me better broadband.

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Hey, I have to go the bathroom so none of you guys post anything until i get back ok?

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Hey Dude, we can't wait all night. Whaja doing in there?????

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Sheesh, it's been an hour. Must have real good magazines.

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Sorry about that. I fell asleep. So I'm not mad that you guys didn't wait for me.

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

This is good news for Jack Skellington.

RadioYKWE December 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

You should see what they did to the Kwanza display, oy vey.

Tundra Grifter December 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Why didn't Santa get into law school?

He got hung up on the Boards.

ShitFilledExistence December 6, 2011 at 4:43 pm

"Mommy, is Santa dead?"
"Dead? He doesn't even exist!"

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm

"No wire hangers! What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers, ever?! I work and I slave until I'm half dead, and all I hear people say is she's getting old. And what do I get? A daughter who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give her as she cares about me! What's wire hangers doing in this closet?!"

Rotundo_ December 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I'm not gettin' it here folks- The fundies from these parts hate Santa because the emphasis is on the jolly fat elf instead of the little baby Jesus. So you see a lot of "Keep Christ in Christmas" signs and stuff here. I thought Santa was the sworn enemy of the Christian types since he diminished THE LORD'S role in the holiday. You would think they would have a Santa hanging from a tree or something. I'm surprise they haven't done a little homework and banned trees and wreaths since they were "borrowed" from the Pagans. I suppose that that would require consistency and coherence which aren't usually big parts of Christianity as practiced.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Whaddya want — logic?

dinkybossetti December 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Yes! I will be visiting my parents in Loudoun Co for Christmas. Thanks for the tip about the county courthouse's beautiful Christmas displays! I am adding it to my holiday to-do list.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm

"Hey Gang. Let's go round the courthouse. Oh, no particular reason, just thought it would be fun."

Antispandex December 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm

There is no way these Santa haters can avoid a very stern scolding from Fox News! Imagine! Defacing the very symbol of holiday capitolism, during this season of outrageous consumerism! It is absolutely un-American!

V572 the Merciless December 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Apropos of nothing at all, please note that California Atty-Gen Kamala Harris is a major babe.

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Wow. Apropos us any time!!!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Um … you wouldn't happen to have a phone number or anything, wouldja?

Damn, she's stunning.

Redhead December 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

"Public outcry ensued, including calls that the decision was infringing on residents’ religious freedom"

Pssst, Virginia residents: Despite what Beck, et al say in their drug-addled states, religious freedom does not mean the freedom to impose your religion on everyone else.

gullywompr December 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

As a resident of LoCo, I just have to say that the frequency with which my county is featured on Wonkette is depressing.

And as an atheist, I'd like to say that that the Santa skeleton was needlessly provocative. I mean, we're atheists, right? What the fuck do we care?

voodooeconomics December 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Christians do the darnest. ( is this a word) They act violently so easily one would think the Biblia has something to do with it.
Has the Church of the Spaghetti Monster been sanctified by the Papa Benedito Uno

Fukui_sanYesOta December 6, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Somewhat OT, but this story just reminded me of a tale I once read (possibly on here?) where a poster worked for a publisher in New York where one of the other companies in the building insisted on having a nativity scene in the building foyer every year.

Whenever this person's (Jewish) boss was having a bad day, he'd head down to the lobby and try to drop-kick baby jebus into an elevator. Apparently it was an excellent stress reliever.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Drop-kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life!

True story: I went to a Catholic school, so we had the obligatory Nativity display. Fortunately, the display was at the shrine OUTSIDE the high walls and gates of the school itself. The kids took inordinate amounts of pleasure in torturing the poor Baby Jebus to the point where the school and its neighbouring church joined forces to patrol the Nativity display from the time it went up to the time it went down. (sniff!)

GregComlish December 6, 2011 at 6:11 pm

America is being crucified on the cross of atheism, just like William Jennings Bryant warned us.

glamourdammerung December 6, 2011 at 7:01 pm

If Christians could only manage to put half as much effort into doing all the red parts of their Babble that they do whining about how not being able to use the state to force their weak beliefs down everyone else's throats is somehow "just like what Hitler did".

Douché December 6, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I love that kind of hypocrisy, We want the freedom to express our ideas! But you better not express yours…

mavenmaven December 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm

298 comments and not a single reference to Festivus?
Kramer was crucified for our sins.

LibrulEleet December 6, 2011 at 8:38 pm

The baby Jebus on a baby-sized cross would be much more appropriate.

ttommyunger December 6, 2011 at 10:48 pm

On the other hand, my Jewish friends think this is way cool.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 11:36 pm

God, atheist can be some prigs. lol

BTW, can I just say that as an agnostic aetheist (i.e. someone who simply doesn't care whether there is a "god" or not), that I hate seeing fellow aetheist take the bait of the "War on Christmas"? The fact is that the holiday has almost completely lost the Christian meaning the early Catholic church tried to attatch to it. The fact is that someone wishing me a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah doesn't offend me in the least bit. So, let the Christians fight their one-sided "War on Christmas", already, and let's just stay out of the ploy, altogether. All of this provocative bullshit on courthouses lawns is just stupid.

DahBoner December 7, 2011 at 9:10 am

Actually, Winter Solstice is a pagan holiday.

That the Christian church tried to attach a Christian meaning to.

But the People, still practice it as a pagan holiday…

Negropolis December 8, 2011 at 12:44 am

To be clear, I meant the early meaning of Christmas, itself. I did know that before that it was a pagan winter solstice festival.

DahBoner December 7, 2011 at 9:07 am

Shinto?

Bless you! For you have sneezed the holy sacrament of mucus and upper-repiratory cold virus upon crucified Santa…

BZ1 December 7, 2011 at 9:32 am

Quote: "I'm 100% behind freedom of speech, but …" and the BUTT is a big one

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I'll bet that's one veggie Kortney don't like.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:16 pm

We should spray Megynne (however she spells it) Kelley with that. Being as she's a Foxtard and all, I'll bet she doesn't get her 5-7 servings of vegetables a day.

elviouslyqueer December 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Why 5-7? She only needs one gigantic vegetable to keep her satisfied.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

You can tell if you look at the root.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Christmas must DO something to you, girlfriend. You get all frisky and spritely. And I mean that in the best way.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Oh sweet Jebus on a stick!

You win the T-shirt.

To all who follow after: click the goddamn link already, you KNOW you want to, and it is SO satisfying.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 12:16 am

WTF? What's a used car salesman doing on Faux News?

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Nah, I'm this way all the time. I'm always having to get hosed down. (you can construe that any way you wish.)p.s. I'm enjoying my after glow.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:13 pm

You KNOW how I would construe that, don't you?

Throwing bones to alligators, I call it.

PS: So am I.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Just look at that face! He looks like half the Republican contenders. No *wonder* it never caught on over here!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

But they're ENGLISH!

Edited to add: That means they're allowed to do all that weird shit. I think.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

For just a fraction of a second there, my feelings wuz hurted, and I wondered what I had done for you to call me names.

Then I remembered my ID nym. I wonder if it's OK to change it to something else, now?

'Tain't me that's multifaceted, dear Geminisunmars, I just happen to know lots of fascinating wonderful people. Like you. (hug)

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 7:48 pm

That's priceless! Whom do I know with that fetish? Maybe I'll buy a friend some lacy panties for Xmas (he's a big hairy supermacho guy).

Thank you!

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

But how will I recognize you? (Truly, thought I was being intimate and affectionate calling you Dummy. At least that was how my family explained it to me.)

finallyhappy December 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Ramen, Brothers and Sisters!!!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Ricky Gervais FTW! (Or was it Thursday without Thor?)

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I could go back to PristinePantalones, which has the advantage of being instantly recognizable as well as a slam at that silly witch as well as, you know, flattering. I mean, better Pristine than Dummy, right?

And yeah, my family told me the same thing. You sure we're not related, now? Someone once gave me a copy of Franny and Zooey, saying "This reminds me of your family." I'm not sure it was intended entirely as a compliment.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Let me guess: hearts of Wall Streeters? Let it SNOW!

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 10:41 pm

There is only one reply to such a comment: :P

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 12:23 am

And, after all the money we're able to pilfer from them, we can make it rain, too!

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 12:35 am

You're one sick little puppy, but you probably know that already, don't you?

Fukui_sanYesOta December 7, 2011 at 1:56 am

On the fourth day of terror O'Reilly brought to me

Four Loofas Frotting

Three Santas Raping

Two Fertiles Loves

and a cartridge in a bare tree

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 12:48 am

I think it is time for a new tack for your name. One that doesn't associate you with grifting and/or idiotic behavior. So that leaves out most politicians. And religious leaders. How about a favorite writer, or dog star?I have to say that Franny & Zooey's family life was more like mine than that of Ozzie & Harriet's. Intellectual, bohemian, philandering, artistic, narcissistic, and largely dysfunctional would be an apt description of my parents. I had one older brother who drank himself to death by his early 50s. I think he saw us a Salinger characters.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:13 am

You know the whole name thing came about because of notthatDewey. He pointed out that every time I changed my name and av, the erstwhile candidate whose likeness I was mocking took a huge dive in the polls. So we decided to keep going through them, and I think I really DO have the reverse Midas touch! One by one, I've slain all the little bastids.

I wish I could say my parents were as interesting as yours, although Mother certainly earned her monicker: the Bitch of Bergen-Belsen. I'm sorry about your brother. It's all fun and games till someone stretches the metaphor a little too far. Although let's face it life was lot more fucking colourful (if painful) back when people were allowed to be crazy motherfuckers. I feel like the Nannies won the culture war and we must all be good now instead of the bunch of roistering drunkards and lotos-eaters we were meant to be. But there. It's just misplaced nostalgia for my bygone yoof, now half a century past.

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 1:30 am

Well, with that logic I guess it's time for NewtieCutie to emerge. Time to go to bed and astrally project myself to your embrace.

datateday December 7, 2011 at 1:36 am

No, I'm on the straight 'n' narrow, honestly. What REALLY corrupted me was poncho_pilot's Santa Slasher Movie Trailer. I blame that for any discrepancies in my personality, since seeing it, any way.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:41 am

Let's be crazy motherfuckers tonight, why not? I'll be NewtieCutie tomorrow. Good night, sweetie.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:42 am

That's right. Always blame the nearest person. Wink, wink, nudge.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 7, 2011 at 2:05 am

Ask what it'd take to get you to take home a muppet corpse TODAY!

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