THE SCUM ALSO RISES  11:47 am December 6, 2011

Fox News Dingbats Using Up Oxygen To Intensify War Against Puppets

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh look, a new children’s film starring Muppets with the controversial theme “greed is bad” is the scandal-du-jour over at used dildo recycling plant Fox News? Sure. Last Friday the Fox News business channel presumably had some airtime to fill to avoid any lengthy discussion of the Labor Department’s positive jobs report, so actual tumor Eric Bolling randomly freaked out about the name of the fictional villain of the new Muppets movie, “Tex Richman.” It’s an anti-capitalist message for the childruns, see! Bolling is back again with another panel of venal idiots to belabor his confused non-point, as underscored by the fact that for most of the segment they appear to be discussing the mind terrorism of Sesame Street interchangeably with that of the Muppets. A five-year-old knows the difference, but these Fox News rejects are condemned to struggle with such lofty perceptions.

They also struggle with English! Our favorite is the jabbering fool at 2:49 who declares that children “get impressionized” by these things, whatever that SAT word is that we have never heard. The segment concludes with the lady panelist telling the three male panelists that she feels like they are just beating her up, for not letting her speak.

Come now, parents, wouldn’t you rather have our youth watching the children’s programming on Fox News, to learn rudeness, illiteracy and greed? [Media Matters]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 299 comments }

chascates December 6, 2011 at 11:48 am

But who's controlling the puppets' strings? Maybe, SATAN?

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 11:56 am

We just saw Dana Carvey last weekend… so that is who I heard…
Thank you!

GOPCrusher December 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I always thought Jon Lovitz made a great Satan.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm

My favorite was his dandy fop from Tales of Ribaldry:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/19301/saturday-night-li

RavenRant December 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm

My favorite was when he punched Andy Dick for making stupid jokes about Phil Hartman's murder.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:30 am

There IS no better Satan than Our Very Own Biel_ze_Bubba.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I always thought it was George Soros.

Sorry, my mistake, same person apparently.

El Pinche December 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

SOROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Hey, I like the Muppets as much as anybody … but I certainly don't pull the strings. Admittedly, it's close to my job description, so I can understand the confusion, but it should be obvious whose idle hands are doing my work here.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 6, 2011 at 11:50 am

so actual tumor Eric Bolling randomly freaked out

People said, "You can't hire a stupider asshole than Glenn Beck."

And Roger Ailes was like, "Oh yeah? Here's Eric Bolling!"
~

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Say what you will about Ailes, but he does like a challenge.

dr_giraud December 6, 2011 at 11:50 am

"The dang chillns' are supposed to be learnin' that GREED is good, not GREEN is good."

KathrynSane December 6, 2011 at 11:50 am

Fox News is just trying to protect their target demographic of dim-witted (wo)manchildren who never learned how to share.

Chillwaver December 6, 2011 at 11:52 am

Fux Snooze just hates puppets they can't control.

Sue4466 December 6, 2011 at 11:52 am

When reached for comment, SpongeBob SquarePants (I-Fictional) issued the following statement "Makes you wonder what puppetmaster has their hand up the asses of the folks at Fox, doesn't it?"

lefty74 December 6, 2011 at 11:52 am

But they were OK with Mr. McFeely (David Newell) on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood?

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Oh, they've attacked Mr. Rogers before as well:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/04/30/862248/-

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I'm from Pittsburgh and Mr Rogers is a hero here. He did so much for children and this town. They hate Mr. Rogers because he saved Public TV.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q

BAM! Fred with the throw down!!!!!!!

Callyson December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

For a while, after Mr Rogers' death, there was a hipster T – shirt store here in Los Angeles that sold a T – shirt with Mr Rogers' image and the words "Never Forget." Guess they'll have to do "Stand up for the Muppets" now…

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I was at one of The Great George Carlin's shows and the opening act made a joke about Mr. Rogers being a pedophile and you would have thought that the comic was going to get lynched. This is Mr. Rogers neighborhood and we got his back yo! Someone actually broke into his house once and when it hit the news the thief turned himself in and returned all the stolen property.

lefty74 December 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm

That was freaking uncanny! It's like I just read my horoscope!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Your name, Satan, gives you a desire to please and a friendly nature that could draw you into the sales field.

You appear quite confident outwardly, but you do suffer with lack of confidence at times and draw upon the support and encouragement of others.

Although you desire to create harmony in your associations, you can be too candid in your expression, especially if you are challenged by others.

Then you can be quietly stubborn and resist taking advice.

You want to be more expressive, diplomatic, and easy-going, but you feel the limitation in your communication with others and it creates frustration within you.

The name Satan creates the desire for harmony with others, but we point out that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, and tension or accidents to the head.
————
I'm going to have a word with whoever created that algorithm.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Your first name of Adolf makes you a quick thinker, both philosophical and creative.
 
You appreciate music, art, and drama and, if given training, could excel in those fields.
 
Self-consciousness may prevent you from feeling at ease in positions of impromptu expression.
 
Desiring to be free from detail and monotony, you find it difficult to finish what you start if it does not hold your interest.
 
You enjoy reading and the beauties of nature, experiencing peace and relaxation in outdoor activities.
 
A very individual, independent person, you live within your own thoughts.
Although the name Adolf creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes procrastination, lack of confidence, and the inability to realize your goals and ambitions.
 
This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, and fluid systems.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2011 at 12:22 am

Hmm… I just typed in "Oedipus." It hasn't returned an answer yet. I think I may have broken it.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:48 am

Honestly. It's almost as if they don't realize that the devil makes a much better lawyer than salesman. (Is that true, though?)

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Hm…

The name of Newt creates a very aggressive and independent nature, one with big ambitions, giving you original, progressive, large-scale ideas, salesmanship and promotional ability as well as the excellent business judgment which enables you to gain the financial accumulation to which you feel entitled.

You have a versatile, restless nature, and could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks.

You are seldom satisfied and are always seeking something new.

Although the name Newt causes an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it causes an unscrupulous, materialistic approach that frustrates higher humanitarian qualities.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 6, 2011 at 11:53 am

children “get impressionized” by these things, whatever that means.

It's not what the Newster has in mind for our children, for sure.

That's impressment.
~

V572 Tebow = Jeebus December 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

You're quite the impressive impressario. I'm impressed!

DeathOfIrony December 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

Actually, they'd be impresii or something

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2011 at 11:53 am

“Suckle at the public teat.”
That boob went dry years ago which explains why Newt left for the private sector (Industrial Teat).

Gratuitous World December 6, 2011 at 11:54 am

Not really Gonzo journalism

ManchuCandidate December 6, 2011 at 11:54 am

How can you tell the difference between any Faux Newz angry bot and a Muppet?

The hand up the Muppet's ass isn't there 24/7.

Guppy December 6, 2011 at 12:23 pm

The Muppet isn't paying good money for the treatment.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

The Muppets make more life-like expressions.

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm

The muppet might have something interesting to say.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm

The Muppets have a higher IQ.

HogeyeGrex December 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm

The Muppet isn't WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

paris biltong December 6, 2011 at 11:54 am

Tex's name was originally Ebenezer Humbug but it was too hard to spell.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 11:54 am

Don't they realize all they are is puppets?

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

If they did, they might have second thoughts about working at Fox News.

OH WAIT, you mean in the movie.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Nope… not the movie… Fox Jackals.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

That actually was what I was saying… but more coffee is in order.

James Michael Curley December 6, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I had nightmares for weeks when Uncle Jerry Sandusky took me to see Pinnoccio.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm

That wasn't his nose growing, either.

Oh dear, teh wonkette has made me into a pervert.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 12:36 pm

can't remember which wonketteer used to have an avatar with an image of one of the Fox twats, I'm guessing Gretchen Carlson, caught with her eyes crossed not unlike many muppets tend to look, like that new one "Lily whose appearance got a good ribbing here some pages ago.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:46 pm

"All they are is puppets"? Nonono, you lie, the Muppets are real!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

FOX News personalities, however, are not.

Terry December 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

No, but they do know that the Muppets are puppets.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 11:54 am

Children "get impressionized" by the Muppets because it makes them turn blurry, with visible broad strokes, instead of looking like traditional, photo-realistic children.

chicken_thief December 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm

VAN GOGH LIBEL!!!

jus_wonderin December 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Ear, ear!

Chichikovovich December 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm

While Fox News make them "get surrealized".

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Dali libel!!!

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 11:56 am

It's the War on (A) Christmas (Carol).

GorzoTheMighty December 6, 2011 at 11:56 am

I don't know. They might be on to something. I like muppets and I am a socialist. Coincidence or fetish for green frogs?

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:00 pm

You just like your women with some ham on their bones.

WhatTheHeck December 6, 2011 at 11:56 am

Well, Fox News analysts/puppets, its hard to say something intelligent when Rupert has his hands up your ass. Talk about control!

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Murdoc ? I thought Ann Coulter was shagging everyone at Fox News? Nasty little HO! no telling where her hands have been. Wearing a Little black Skank dress at 6am on the Today show.For Christmas I think Bill O'reilly should get her some glass heels !

edgydrifter December 6, 2011 at 11:57 am

Kermit is the new Murphy Brown.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Kermie is pregnant? Piggie libel!

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Edgar Bergen controlled Kermit?

Chichikovovich December 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Wow – great connection there. You know your ventriloquists and their families.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

He actually did cameo in the original Muppet Movie, which came out after his death and was his final appearance.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Kermit's dead?

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm

No, actually he's alive and in the cafe business in Idaho Springs, CO.

BerkeleyBear December 6, 2011 at 11:57 am

I saw one piece of this as the sign off for the Daily Show last night and was floored. I mean, they are so ignorant that they think WIC (and even more bizarrely, S-Chip) somehow means there's no food insecurity for children in this country. The demonizing of the poor is complete – even the cute urchins are fair game!

Oh, and calling a purely capitalistic piece of entertainment in which the entire premise is that a group has to try and get a network gig to raise money is somehow anti-capitalism is just hilarious. My kids sure know that it cost money to go to see it, and that we only have that money because of income, so I'm not sure how well any anti-capitalist message would take hold.

GhostBuggy December 6, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Well, as we all know, Walt Disney is always trying to bring down the economy.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Everyone knows that "Mickey's Christmas Carol" caused the Great Recession of 1983-1984.

Chichikovovich December 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

That's why he was such a big supporter of labor unions.

Biff December 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Cenk Uygur did this last night too. Thanks go to Al Gore for hiring Cenk.

PalinzADummy December 7, 2011 at 1:56 am

'Deedy.

V572 the Merciless December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Make sure you buy all the McDonalds tie-in products, as well as the DVD, t-shirts, etc.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

And Tex Richmanisn't an idealized capitalist; he's a plutocrat who lies and cheats to get what he wants, getting the deed to the old Muppet theater by saying he plans to turn it into a museum and then trying to sabotage the telethon. That's whose side Fox is on; not the honest businessman but those who get ahead through fraud and rigging the system.

BerkeleyBear December 6, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Well, who needs protection against fraud – the market will control it. Right, family living in their car after the house they financed with the ARM they didn't really understand and shouldn't have gotten was foreclosed on? At least, that's what a Paulite told me.

Joshua Norton December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

children “get impressionized” by these things

When Fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in excess body fat & carrying a misspelled sign.

ChernobylSoup December 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I think "impressionized" is when you get the bends switching from PBS to Fox too quickly.

walterhwhite December 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Fascism has already come to the USA. I'm waiting for democracy to return. I keep listening to that Leonard Cohen song written so many years ago but still so timely: "Democracy is Coming to the USA."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

The poor stay poor, the rich get rich.
That's how it goes.
Everybody knows.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 1:18 am

Also, it'll have a thick Southern accent. Also.

LesBontemps December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

Wait, I grew up listening to Jonathan Richman — is that close enough?

Limeylizzie December 6, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I love you.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Me too.

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I've got the purple squirt gun back in my hand.

(Wait a sec, maybe Jon really was messing with us.)

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

LesBontemps was never called an asshole.

Allmighty_Manos December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

The archetype of the evil rich guy wrecking the holidays was pioneered by known Marxist propagandists Charles Dickens and Frank Capra. Even wonder why TV ran It's a Wonderful Life all the time around Christmas? Global Soviet conspiracy.

ChernobylSoup December 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

That Jimmy Stewart fella always seemed shady; he even made Johnny Carson cry that one time.

SheriffRoscoe December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Mr. Potter and Mr. Scrooge were job creators.

HarryButtle December 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

George Bailey is a whiny socialist, the Bailey Building and Loan is a collective that lends money to people who don't deserve it (and then practices loan modification/debt relief when the deadbeats can't pay it back), and Henry Potter is actually the job creating hero of the story.

Chichikovovich December 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

You can see that in the part of the story where Bedford Falls becomes Potterville. Potterville is just overflowing with jobs – jobs at the "nightclub" where the floozified Violet dances, jobs at the pawnshops, jobs at the dark satanic mills, and clearly by "broadening the tax base" they've been able to hire at least twice as many policemen. A capitalist triumph.

But it can easily be saved, by Fox News standards. Just chop off the implausible deus ex machina of all the friends rallying to George's aid. Let George jump back in the river and you've got yourself a Fox News happy ending.

joobajooba December 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Not to mention Daddy Warbucks

jetjaguar December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

Fox News, always fighting the good fight.

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

And ginning up their own outrage, which they somehow turn in to "news".

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

They do keep fighting (against) the good fight.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

They distort, you decide.

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

How dare these Muppets try to teach kids to treat each other with consideration and thoughtfulness. That is not the 'Merican way… screw thy neighbor.
Fucking Puppets!

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Ahhhh gawt mahn.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm
DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

America, Fuck Yeah!!

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

FACT!: There were 12 ladybugs at the ladybug picnic.

jqheywood December 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm

One, two, three,
Four, five, six,
Seven, eight, nine,
Ten, eleven, twelve,
Ladybugs came…

….to the Ladybug Picnic!

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Rule 34 never. Disappoints. http://www.bing.com/search?q=ladybug+porn&for

banana_bread December 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

They were clearly socialist ladybugs.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

Eric released his own fan script wherein the Muppets must fight off the conniving schemer "Parasite LePoor" and his nefarious plot to get a moldy bagel so he won't starve to death.

GhostBuggy December 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

Someday we'll find it,
That commie connection,
The wingnuts, the grifters and me.

forgracie December 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

Ha ha ha ha! They don't even realize it's a COMING OUT movie. Wait till someone tells them….

johnnyzhivago December 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

Could someone show me one place in the Bible (or any other world religious book) where God promotes the idea of "ownership" much less "greed".

memzilla December 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

It's either in First or Second Greedalonians, the Parable of the Galtites.

SheriffRoscoe December 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

"Do no store up for yourselves treasure on Earth." (Or maybe that's backwards. I could never remember!) But anyway, where your heart is, your treasure will be also. And right now your heart wants a new iPad. –Jesus

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm

The miracle of the loaves and the fishes was really a parable about being wary of moochers.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I'm pretty sure it's a parable about how giving more to the rich creates money for everybody.

HogeyeGrex December 6, 2011 at 2:56 pm

The proper wingnut answer to that is:

SHUT UP! THAT'S WHY!

See? Works every time.

Chet Kincaid December 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm

You don't know the Bible very well, do you?
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodu

And just in case you're unclear on what Jehovah allows you to own:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodu

elfgoldsackring December 6, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Well, I've never known what to maker of this: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matth

comrad_darkness December 6, 2011 at 7:54 pm
memzilla December 6, 2011 at 12:00 pm

I liked the part at :40, where Bolling sez the movie disrespects Kapitalism (when it "just tweaks greed") — and the stock ticker price comes up for Bank of America (owner of Countrywide Mortgage).

If an unintentional self-mocking satire falls in a Faux News studio, does it still make a sound?

carlgt1 December 6, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I guess they'll be screeching about Charles Dickens & Mark Twain next? Or would reading an actual book be beyond them?

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

"Book"? What's that? Can you get it on Kindle?

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

They already decided that Scrooge was a liberal who favored government programs for the poor.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:23 pm

"They should kill themselves so they can decrease the surplus population"

Fox Headline: SCROOGE CASTS SUPPORT FOR OBAMACARE

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Well, too much of their material has actually been made into movies and/or cartoons, so they aren't safe.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

They'll also attack Superman for his opposition to the heroic CEO Lex Luthor.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:53 pm

They have interns for that.

Goonemeritus December 6, 2011 at 12:02 pm

First the Bible demonized profit then Charles Dickens and now the Muppets. Why can’t you communist leave my people alone?

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Well, at least he didn't say "What's green and smells like pork? . . . Kermit's finger."

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Apparently, there was also a considerable amount of pearl clutching over Happy Feet 2. "Something something, indoctrination, think of the children, global warming hoax, gay, something"
I shit you not.

Biff December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Because all penguins are gay, duh.

imissopus December 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Not gay…faaaaaaabulous.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 8:58 pm

When you are born into formal-ware…

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2011 at 12:25 pm

And don't get them started on SpongeBob SquarePants.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:54 pm

And don't forget the purple tinky winky (Is that what they were called? I'm too lazy to google.) He carried a purse1111!!

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Teletubbies!

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I get the feeling I'll be ending all my posts until Nov of next year with "I shit you not".
I shit you not.

MildMidwesterner December 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Waldorf: They aren't half bad.
Statler: Nope, they're ALL bad!

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

At the 3 minute mark, the guy who says "impressionize" (btw I loved him as Rodney Dangerfield's bodyguard in Back to School) follows up by complaining that a teacher says there's no Santa Claus.

They should really invite Kermit on to defend himself against these allegations.

mavenmaven December 6, 2011 at 8:10 pm

That's Bo Dietl, the former cop who said that Julian Assange should be killed.

Redhead December 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"Tex Richman?" What does that say about Texas? (Nothing untrue, I'm sure…)

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

That was my first thought. It's not a statement against capitalism, it's against Texans.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Richman also has a photo in his office where he's shaking hands with W. Bush, so the film is not kind to Texans; and that seems to be the closest to actual liberal propaganda the movie has.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Ya, but, it is only two transposed letters away from another meaning. This message was brought to you by the letters E and A.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:03 pm

FB? Facebook? No, that's only off by one, like MS and NT. GC is a garbage collector unless we are setting a looping constraint and reverse cycling through the ordinality of the English alphabet.

PeaceWithHonor December 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"And another thing, that fucking Lorax. Bearded, eco-terrorist, socialist bastard!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I was reading The Lorax to my then three year old niece and she fell asleep half-way through it. I was afraid she would think it was a book about the wonders of Capitalism. Now I know that I just read her the FOX News approved version.

MosesInvests December 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

"Santa Claus wears a red suit-he's a Communist,
Has a beard and long hair-must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe he's smoking?"

"The Paws of Santa Claus"-
Arlo Guthrie

SheriffRoscoe December 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Is Tex Richman the same Richman that Jesus said wouldn't get into heaven, on account of his being a Richman?

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Picking on the Richmans sounds vaguely anti-Semitic.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

No, that's completely different. Jesus was talking about the dangers of socialism and how abortion should be outlawed. Then dern libruls took it out of context! I bet you lerned that on teh muppet show!

bureaucrap December 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Now that you mention it, I'm actually surprised that the wingnuts haven't already edited the bible to take out all the passages with which they disagree. Or have they, and I'm just behind the ball?

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:44 pm

They have indeed:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conserva

Weep, ye mortal men.

SheriffRoscoe December 6, 2011 at 12:49 pm

The bible is entirely literal. Except for the figurative parts. The camel and the eye of the needle is figurative, because to be rich is actually what God wants for His children. I know it's confusing, but this is why we have Baptist preachers.

Katydid December 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

If I were a Richman…

jqheywood December 6, 2011 at 12:58 pm

…all day long I'd ….

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

…bidda bidda bum….

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Bible Libel!

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Seeing that Fox is fair and balanced I’m sure they get some Muppets on the show for the counter view. I suggest the grumpy old hecklers, Mrs. Piggy, Gonzo and Animal.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Waldorf and Stadler would be great as panelists.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:39 pm

They have Ms. Piggy on all of the time…. no, wait, that was Dick Morris.

MildMidwesterner December 6, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Statler: Wake up you old fool. You slept through the show.
Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:12 pm

WALDORF: These Fox News hosts aren’t half bad.
STATLER: Nope, they’re ALL bad!

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

I think we've got a new meme…..

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

W: That was wonderful!
S: Bravo!
W: I loved it!
S: That was great!
W: Well, it was pretty good.
S: Well, It wasn't bad.
W: There were parts that weren't pretty good, though.
S: It could've been a lot better.
W: I didn't really like it.
S: It was pretty terrible.
W: It was bad.
S: It was awful!
S & W: Terrible! Eh, boo!

anniegetyerfun December 6, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Statler: Well, he has a point.
Waldorf: Yeah, on his head!

paris biltong December 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Let's face it, culture in general has been grossly unfair to the rich. Even fucking Jesus had something to bitch about and then it was more of the same up to Victor Hugo and John Steinbeck. Fox is more than justified in its attempts to give us a more balanced view.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I'd like to see how the Fox Business "journalists" would react to being heckled by Statlor and Waldorf.

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

I'd like to see them on the streets, sans bodyguards.

chicken_thief December 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

I'm surprised they didn't connect the dots from the gay Teletubby to these soshuliss muppets. Saving that for a Glenn Beck Special, with chalkboard illustrations, perhaps?

ChernobylSoup December 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

I took my 5 year old son to see the Muppets movie on Saturday. Now he's demanding universal booboo care, so Fox might be on to something here.

In related news, Amy Adams is going to love me once she gets to know me.

EatsBabyDingos December 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Wait til they find out the Mahna Mahna song came from an Italian porn movie.

"1% of the world's cookie monsters eat 99% of the world's cookies."

C. Monster.

JustPixelz December 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

The tag at the bottom of the screenshot says "Are liberals trying to brainwash your children against capitalism?" Nope. Capitalism is doing that all by itself — just ask the 99%.

I'm not clear on how Muppets equates to liberals except they are all people(?) of color.

The trouble with their argument that movies and teevee impressionize young minds, is that the young minds of the 1950s were immersed in conservative "Father Knows Best" messages. Then they came of age in the 1960s and upended more than a few things. (Of course today, they're all Tea Party olds.)

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

The Muppets teach children such values as tolerance and cooperation; you would think these are just universal, positive values, but no, to the Randian and fundamentalist Christian sociopaths on the far right these are somehow bad things; they think kids should be taught to be bigoted and selfish.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Literally true. Randians say "altruism" with a sneer.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Hey not all of us are Tea Partyists.

JustPixelz December 6, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Over the weekend, I went to see “Drumline Live” which is musical revue based on the film. It showcases African-American music from the past 50 years. The audience cheered enthusiastically for some songs I didn't even recognize. I figured I'm either too old or too white for that part of the show. I must be too white, because the alternative is unthinkable.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Statler and Waldorf laughed.

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I'm not clear on how Muppets equates to liberals except they are all people(?) of color.

The Muppets required creativity, cooperation, talent, intelligence and humor – ERGO, liberals were involved.

anniegetyerfun December 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

The guy who voices Elmo is black (and so awesome). Ergo, he must be Muslim.

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

How is our children ever going to learn to think if we don't tell what they're allowed to know?

Critical thinking is the enemy of the status quo.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

That was so nicely put. However, I've still got "Ladybugs Picnic" song from Sesame Street playing in my head, thanks to DerrickWildat upthread, so I can't tell if your quote also holds up to expectations of a great beat you can dance to.

memzilla December 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Actually. I would find Sesame Street Business Channel more credible than anything on Faux Business.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I'd like to see the Fox anchors get treated like The Muppet Show's anchorman:

Bill O'Reilly: "..and he is a pinhead"
[pin is thrown at his head, sticks in his eye]
"Aaah, my eye!"

YouBetcha December 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Fox News: For When You're Tired of Actual News

EatsBabyDingos December 6, 2011 at 12:12 pm

And what Muppet song do I always think of when I watch Fox, especially when Ken Hootchiecootchienelli is on?

"It ain't Easy Being Green." And then I barf.

Woodshedding December 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Well, I'm with Fox. Everybody knows Daddy Warbucks is kind, caring, and helps out orphans.

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

This Fox news segment is brought to you by the letters
C-R-A-Z- and Y

jqheywood December 6, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Yeah, but they sponsor EVERYTHING on Fox News.

dadanarchist December 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

To be fair, everybody knows that Dr. Honeydew is experimenting with stem cells, Rizzo the Rat is an SEIU union thug, the Swedish Chef is an illegal immigrant and Statler and Waldorf are tenured members of the Liberal Elite.

Indiepalin December 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Coming soon: "Mister Rogers: The Movie", with Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine.

LesBontemps December 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

ARE LIBERALS TRYING TO BRAINWASH YOUR KIDS AGAINST CAPITALISM?

Who needs to? All they have to do is look around them.

SoBeach December 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

God forbid children learn to treat our wealthy masters with anything but respect and adoration.

elviouslyqueer December 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Um, Chris? Repeat after me:

Movie.
With puppets.

Regards,

EQ

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

My next bumper sticker to inflame tender wingnut sensibilities: "Going Green Is The New Going Galt!"

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm

First Fox News invents the War on Christmas,now The war on Muppets?

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:14 pm

It ain't easy.

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

There is another pretty good movie that is kind of like this. There is this guy named Ernest and he works at a camp where they send bad kids and his job is to make them good. Well there is this big company that wants to dig up the camp because there is some special kinds of rocks or whatever that are under the dirt of the camp. So Ernest and the bad kids shoot turtles and stuff at them and make them go away. The bad kids hug Ernest because they save the camp and the bad kids are good now.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:23 pm

happy happy happy happy boing boing boing boing

Extemporanus December 6, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Great, I try to post a simple comment with a YouTube link that IntenseDebate totally repeatedly mangles so I angrily delete it within thirty seconds of it going live and yet you somehow manage to reply to it like some fast-fingered sadist and now my day is totally ruined so I'm going to go drink a bottle of DayQuil and watch Sesame Street and cry, oh how I will cry.

"Yiiiiiiiip yip yip yipyipyyipyipyip!", indeed.

[EDIT: Oh, sure, NOW the fucking link fucking works. Ha fucking ha.]

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I was just waiting to pounce! hahaha hah! At least you brightened up the day for one person. Yip yip yip.I'm enjoying my NyQuil, myself, these last few days.

Extemporanus December 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

We are the Geefle and the Gonk, and this is our nectarine.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Shirley you jest.

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Fox News is to Journalism what KFC is to fine dining.

fletc3her December 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

I will not stand for this, sir. The KFC Double Down points the way to what all the finer restaurants will be serving in the coming years. Not since Wendy's Baconater Triple has a restaurant found a way to cram so much meat into a sandwich.

Baconzgood December 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Mmmmmmmmmm triple bacon. Gllllllaaaaagggggghhhhhh….

jqheywood December 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Somebody help that poor man! His arteries have clogged at the mere mention of triple bacon…

Blueb4sunrise December 6, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Just change the name to Faisal Richman or Weng Bao Richman and they'll be okay with demonizing them.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I do, however, want to thank Eric Bolling and friends for unintentionally giving me the world's third greatest gift, laughter.

Fare la Volpe December 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

What are the first two?

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

It's a reference to a bit from the movie; Kermit calls laughter the world's greatest gift, but then others interject that he forgot children and ice cream, so they name it the world's third greatest gift; and it gets called back later.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 3:22 pm

And, here, I thought a blow job was the second greatest gift…., although I guess that is a lot like ice cream.

LetUsBray December 6, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I was thinking of a line from another great film:

"As long as there's sex and drugs, I can do without rock & roll."

Zombie_Reagan December 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Thank goodness Faux News is covering the emerging threat of Puppet Sharia.

freakishlywrong December 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Well, Faux does know brainwashing, so there's that.

Spurning Beer December 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Linda Richman is getting ferklemt from all this fershtinkene chazzerai.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Miss Piggy takes exception to your statement, Sir!

GorzoTheMighty December 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

She we talk among ourselves? Topic?

BlueStateLibel December 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Stop complaining Fox! At least our children is learning!

imissopus December 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I highly recommend going over to The Daily Show's website and pulling up a couple of the interviews they have done with Bo Dietl over the years. He's one of my favorite dingbats.

LetUsBray December 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Gloriously potty-mouthed. For a long time I was resolved that if I ever achieved a major public office, he would be my press secretary.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Okay, this is OT, but I have to ask. Did anyone see the "60 Minutes" segments about why the Justice department has not brought any suits against some of the perpetrators that brought down our economy when there is plenty of evidence out there? Am I the only one who saw it? I was expecting lots of chatter about it (not necessarily here at Wonksters) and haven't heard a peep. I thought at least Faux would be screaming about CBS trying to give OWS credibility. Crickets? Really?

Eve8Apples December 6, 2011 at 12:49 pm

The big banks spend a lot of money on advertising trying to convince us they care about our financial well-being. The mainstream media probably doesn't want to bite the hands that are feeding them.

Dudleydidwrong December 6, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Yeah, Christ! I've had enough of the Prank of America ads which try to turn them into the next incarnation of Mother Theresa and the Three Wise Men. "Here's your hat back" (which we have just shit into) "and we wiped it off for you. You now owe us love."

Eve8Apples December 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Actually, the children are being turned against Capitalism by the Capitalists who are throwing the children out of their homes and cutting off their food stamps, public education funding, student loans and health care. The average 5 year old is a helluva lot smarter than anyone at Faux News.

spends2much December 6, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I guess soon they'll be complaining about the negative portrayal of Ebeneezer Scrooge in various works over the last century and a half. This fine Capitalist gentleman is put upon by his meek employee Bob Crachit, who expects to get PAID TIME OFF just to be with his poor family. Obviously, if Bob worked harder, they would have a bigger Christmas goose, and Tiny Tim would have better health care. The lazy Crachits brought it on themselves, right?
Congratulations, GOP, you have officially crossed into cartoonish supervillainy. Except you mean every word of it. Humbug.

not that Dewey December 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm

And don't even get me started on that mean old George Bailey. It's not like Mr Potter actually STOLE the money. He's just a hardworking, slumlord Job Creator who wanted what was best for the townspeople of Bedford Falls.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Why did George Bailey want to punish Mr Potter's success? And impressionize the whole town against him?

Wilcoxyz December 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Ernie and Bert = promoting gay lifestyle.

jqheywood December 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Hey, that works for both Sesame Street/Muppets AND It's a Wonderful Life…

Wilcoxyz December 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Gretchen is like the Oscar of Fox.

Put other people's junk in your hole, you become famous.

actor212 December 6, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Gulag Me Elmo

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Indoctrination falls under the "ticking time bomb" scenario and justifies waterboarding of any Muppet suspected of knowing something about sharing.

actor212 December 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Oscar the Bauer

finallyhappy December 6, 2011 at 5:43 pm

And do they know Elmo is actually a rather large black guy(Kevin Clash!)

Beowoof December 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I would watch the clip, but judging by the typical Fox commentator and viewer, it appears that watching Fox and being on a panel on Fox news causes acute stupidity, which for the Fox crew has become chronic. And I need some chronic after this story.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I'm sick of these whiners. Why don't they just stfu and make a children's version of Atlas Shrugged? I'm sure the Koch brothers would pay for it.

Generation[redacted] December 6, 2011 at 1:14 pm

They already tried that. It was called "Atlas Shrugged" and it flopped.

Maman December 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm

What is the conspiracy about Richie Rich?

bringmeanaxe December 6, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Montgomery Burns is rolling in his grave. Oh, wait….

BarackMyWorld December 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.

finallyhappy December 6, 2011 at 3:28 pm

wasn't that muppet from early SNL or the Dark Crystal?

BarackMyWorld December 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Antispandex December 6, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"…programming on Fox News, to learn rudeness, illiteracy and greed?"

Well, if you are one of these stupid red state hillbillies who believe that they (Fox) actually speak for Jesus, this is the message you want your kids to hear. After all, what's more important, money or morals?

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Bill O'Reilly , The curtains go up .The curtains go down ,and still the Muppets are there? You can't explain that sir.We don't know how that works!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

FOX News has a point. This is why I so much prefer the version of It's a Wonderful Life where Jimmy Stewart kills himself, A Christmas Carol where Scrooge fires Bob Cratchet, and The Lorax where the new Republican President gets rid of the EPA so that Mr. Wuncler can make a killing in the Sneed business.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

The the Lorax was banned in some California towns where the logging industry is big.

kingcocrazy December 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Great! Their pinhead, mouth-breathing viewers can launch another yee-haw-jahd!

GeorgiaBurning December 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

tomorrow, a discussion of "Comrade" Rudolph and that Red nose.

El Pinche December 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

With stories like these from the Fox "news" franchise, I always imagine the conversations at the table when the cromagnons and babyt4rds get together for dinner:

"AND NO WE AINT GONNA WATCH NO MUPPETS MOVEY! I SAW ON THE TV THAT SESAMAH AND MUPPETS ARE INDOCTRIMINATING OUR CHILDREN TO HATE FREEDOMS AND GOD . PASS THE LARD PLEEZ"

ShitFilledExistence December 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

sesamah and muppets
lolz

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

i really fucking can't stand these people. this segment is like reading the comments for the Atlas Shrugged trailer on youtube.

MLite December 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Fox news is really a lot like the Muppets and Sesame Street; a bunch of puppets whose content is aimed at intellectual children.

DerrickWildcat December 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

New story please. I can not post on that Broadband article.

whiterabid December 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

If an anti-capitalist movie creates jobs, is it really anti-capitalist? And how many jobs has Eric Bolling created? And if we aren't supposed to indoctinate our children to hate capitalism, is Eric Bolling actually anti-capitalistic because he is asking his viewers to hate a movie that is making money and creating jobs?

I'm not sure I understand my own questions, but it seems that Eric Bolling and Fox either hate capitalism, or they just want Obama to fail. What's the next movie to be ravaged? A Christmas Carol?

lochnessmonster December 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Would it be better if the character were Richie Rich?

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I want to see Michele Bachmann & Ron Paul in a UFC cage match.

Nostrildamus December 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Problem – I've always found the Muppets repellent. Now that Fox News hates them, do I have to start liking them to keep my liberal cred?

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 2:23 pm

yes. welcome to the hive mind.

ShitFilledExistence December 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I only interact with people who like muppets.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Exactly what a sock puppet would say.

SorosBot December 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm

You, sir or madam, have no joy in your heart.

Nostrildamus December 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

True enough. I always rooted for the cats in Mighty Mouse and for the Professor in Felix the Cat.

finallyhappy December 6, 2011 at 3:29 pm

If you hate the Muppets- You ARE communist!

anniegetyerfun December 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

"Impressionizing" is actually a kinky sex act that involves brand irons and a few lengths of copper wire. I'm not saying that anyone at Fox is a kiddie diddler, but I'm not saying that they AREN'T committing horrific acts of child molestation every day, either.

ShitFilledExistence December 6, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I never thought I'd hear a Muppet movie be referred to as "outrageous on so many levels".

poncho_pilot December 7, 2011 at 4:15 am

i never thought i'd live in a potential Iran-like Fascist Theocracy or hear about nukes again after 1990…

datateday December 6, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Small, Pox News.

Manhattan123 December 6, 2011 at 2:29 pm

After one of these ridiculous segments ends, I wonder if they all look at one another and burst out laughing. They surely don't believe this shit and are just doing it for the confused dimwits in red state America who do believe and make up the bulk of the Fox News audience and the base of the GOP.

El Pinche December 6, 2011 at 2:48 pm

.. I wonder if they all look at one another and burst out laughing.

I hope so. At least that would make some sense.

sbj1964 December 6, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Recent Studies have shown that watching Fox News Makes you stupid.I think they have the data backwards Your Stupid so you watch Fox News .Just a Theory.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Your syntax makes my brain hurt. Seriously, those are some RaNdoM ass caps, with highly "unconventional" period spacing. It sticks out like unnecessary quotation marks.

smitallica December 6, 2011 at 2:36 pm

It's funny that right wingers think that everyone is still clinging to what they learned as a child. You know, like they are.

poncho_pilot December 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

and this is one of many reasons why it sucks being a kid: people who grow up and become assholes like Bolling treat you as if you lack the same critical thinking skills and inability to question anything that they lack. they go out of their way to stifle you and force you into some kind of mold and then have to nerve to blame that being done on anyone else in their way.

actor212 December 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

It ain't easy being greed.

Troglodeity December 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Muppets bad. Pokemon good.

gurukalehuru December 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

And how come Richie Rich never gets to boink Betty and Veronica,huh? Socialist bitches.

owhatever December 6, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Fox show people would be well advised not to pick a fight with Kermit the Frog, even though the IQ of a Fox reporter is almost as high as that of a hand puppet.

Nostrildamus December 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Fox reporters are hand puppets.

RadioYKWE December 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I'm not sure what they are more afraid of: OWS or the Muppets. They sure seem to get riled up about both of them.

RadioYKWE December 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I'm glad to see you guys got to see that Chris Plante fuck. He is a right wing radio talk show host here in DC who is a pompous Obama/liberal/OWS basher devoid of any shame or humility.

La_Cieca December 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Like that guy would recognize a teat even it it slapped him in the face.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Malia Obama is bored by the whole thing.

WilliamHTaft December 6, 2011 at 5:47 pm

When your real-life heroes are indistinguishable from the evil-doers in childrens' books and movies, maybe it's time for some self reflection.

Rotundo_ December 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm

The sweet sweet irony of this folks is THE FUCKING MUPPETS ARE OWNED BY DISNEY! LOCK STOCK AND BARREL! Disney has never been, nor will it ever be a pro socialist kind of organization. How dumb do you have to be to get a FOX gig, or is it like some sort of 24/7 parody channel where they burst out laughing at one another and say "I can't believe we're saying this shit!" and have to pull it back together during commercial breaks. These assholes can't be remotely serious about this can they?

Barrelhse December 6, 2011 at 5:52 pm

OK. Time for the FCC to explain why FOX has a license above the grade of "AM Radio Band, Sunrise-Sunset Only."

Chet Kincaid December 6, 2011 at 6:04 pm

"George Soros: Master Of Muppets"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdOfUcEyWqk

comrad_darkness December 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

You know, this makes perfect sense. The right cares strictly about symbols. Reality can go fuck itself.

mavenmaven December 6, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Former cop Bo Dietl's "outrage" about Santa Claus in this context is illustrative. It is OK to teach children falsehoods about marketing-related mythical characters but not OK to teach them about resisting bad people.

ttommyunger December 6, 2011 at 11:02 pm

If ignorance were bliss, Faux and Friends would be in a perpetual state of ecstasy….Come to think of it, they all seem to have that blissffully ignorant look on their faces at all times.

Negropolis December 7, 2011 at 12:37 am

These fuckers are sick, just ill. Can they not hear themselves speaking?

NewtsUndies December 8, 2011 at 9:36 am

Bland, middle of the road positions seem radical left to those in the radical right.
Sorry if that was obvious or snarkless.

starfanglednut December 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Jesus hated America.

CommieLibunatic December 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Not to be a semantic jackass, but I heard somewhere that the "camel through a needle" is a mistranslation of "ROPE" through a needle" thanks to the two words being way too similar. Not that the meaning is lost, just something I heard on TV or the Internet (which makes it TROOF!!).

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Funny, before I started reading Wonkette I was a straight-faced citizen.

flamingpdog December 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

All of youse need to stop blaming Wonkette and start pulling yourself up by your buttboot straps!

DaRooster December 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I truly used to be far more angry… 'til the Wonkettes and the usefulness of snark.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Before wonkette I used to be a gay faced citizen. Or so I was told in school.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I always wondered how it was that Jesus (much less his audience) had ever seen a camel.

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm

You would think that rope as a macro-thread was integral to the physical constraints described in the parable.

Geminisunmars December 6, 2011 at 8:43 pm

And now, after Wonkette, are you still a gay faced citizen, only now more snark-filled?

bagofmice December 6, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Is numeracy required to describe the amount of of snark that might penetrate and regurgitate from my face-hole? This then turns into a question of enumerating snark, upon an in and out basis. At which percentage of in and out can the gender of snark be determined? Is that one time in college enough to flip the gay-face bit?

Geminisunmars December 7, 2011 at 12:29 am

Quantitative, or qualitative. Either, neither, or both. 'Sup to you.

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