Many of you were probably under the impression that Michele Bachmann’s rapid flame-out in the GOP presidential field was due to her manifest mental illness, but our pals over at World Nut Daily have an as-always important alternate interpretation of the obvious, ready for it?: the fringe end of the American Jesus people spectrum that make up her base realized, after some initial excitement, that it was much too sinful to support someone with lady parts for President. BUT WAIT. Now that Great Wingnut Hope Herman Cain has exiled himself from the race in shame over his megalomaniac sex creep proclivities and all of the other male candidates basically suck, our WND Bible scholar has officially ruled it permissible for evangelicals to tap into humanity’s reserve of second-string players, “women.”
Let us begin our journey down the gauntlet of twisted logic:
She appealed to secular conservatives due to positions espousing smaller government and low taxes. Evangelical Christians loved her unashamed positions on issues of faith.
Sounds good for a wingnut, right?
But somewhere along the way, “buyer’s remorse” set in. Some evangelicals questioned the biblical teachings on women submitting to their husbands, wondering if they might be sinning by supporting and voting for a woman president.
It’s 2011! Or is it? For the purposes of this WND column, it is now the year 1211. Maybe this is the time to note that the column’s author is Jerry McGlothlin, CEO of Special Guests Inc., “a leading supplier of expert guests to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage and other popular talk shows.”
Okay now onward:
The book of Judges, in Chapters 4 and 5, explains an eerily similar pattern to today’s political and economic state of America. Ancient Israel had fallen on tough times. They had rejected Yahweh God and embraced the ways of the world. They were surrounded by their enemies, and their men didn’t have the moral fortitude to do what was necessary to survive. Enter Deborah, a prophetess, a righteous judge and a “Mother in Israel” (read: Rep. Bachmann with five biological children and 23 foster kids).
A man named Barak – really, we’re not making this stuff up – was supposed to lead the Israelites to fight evil Jabin’s Canaanite army commander, Sisera. But Barak wimped out, refusing to go unless Deborah went with him. So Deborah stepped up to the plate and led the charge, but prophesized that the glory of the battle would go to a woman.
(Wasn’t the word here “prophesied?” Anyway.) Our five-second Google Search and even this graf indicate that Deborah and Barak were on the same team in this bedtime story, so Michele Bachmann is… a socialist Muslim warrior set for world domination? LET’S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES. Think of her more as a “temp fill-in.”
The conclusion: There is a biblical precedent set for God sending a woman to do a man’s job when a man isn’t willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done.
COME ON, “in conclusion?!?!” But our columnist hasn’t even gotten to our main question yet, “why the fuck do you sound like you have been mainlining heroin in some Taliban cave for a hundred straight days?” But, eh, we do not really want to know the answer to that question, given the apparent answer. [WND via Wonkette operative "chascates"]
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Stone the bitch.
NO one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle!
No need to. For she hath already turned into a pillar of salt for looking sideways off camera.
She's already stoned. Those are some heavy-duty meds she's taking!
Say, you know who else "appealed to secular conservatives due to positions espousing smaller government and low taxes"… ?
all of them, katie.
No, who?
Hitler?
Hell, it's worth a shot.
I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was "Cardinal Richelieu." But we have a lovely consolation prize… Don Pardo, tell 'em what they've won!
Burlesconi? I'm totally not even kidding here.
Lived/live in Italy? You are spot on.
Jeroboam? Ahitophel? Jephthah?
Grover?
Ayn Rand?
Barry Goldwater, but they didn't love his "unashamed positions" as much as they do a woman's.
Does she eat shellfish?
I suspect she's had the "eating Oysters" and "eating snails" talk with Marcus*
*See Spartacus
Hello ladies!
I've heard Marcus likes pork.
No, no, no. Marcus just looks like pork.
No…he's just the other white meat.
No, it's only those shellfish farts she tootles.
I bet she wears a TON of polyester.
Polyester is fine. It's the cotton/Dacron blends that doom her to hell.
I'm not surprised. Isn't that why Marcus Bachmann married her?
It's because she's a machine with the strap-on.
So that's how you cure the gay. Also behind the OK marriage to Gays as long as they marry the opposite sex. Thank you dildo industry.
No one who breathes through his nose or can read without moving his lips pays any attention whatever to WND or its ilk. Taking any notice of their brain-droppings, even to laugh at them, gives them more attention than they deserve. In short, fuck-em; fuck-em very much.
lol! I'm going to have to remember this one.
Thank you, thankyouverymuch!
TAGGED: BIBLE BEDTIME STORIES
McGlothlin et al are clearly overlooking the real heroine of the story, "Jael," who drove a tent peg through the head of Deborah and Barak's enemy while he slept. Funny, the Song of Deborah celebrating her stealth-ally was included during these Sunday School storytimes; I just never understood why the gory bits didn't get its own rendering in the Illustrated Children's Bible.
Thanks, Jael, now there won't be a debate liveblog to drink to.
Haven't we already had enough Prezdints associated with Yael?
I thought Jael was Superman's unfortunate half-brother, who went down with the planet when Krypton was blasted into smithereens.
The correct pronunciation is "gayelle," which clearly prophesies the coming of Marcus.
In the film clip the text says the "glory of the batter will go to a woman," so guess that means it's time for She1ey to start cookin'. What with real 'Murica in love with $400/lb cat crap coffee, is it any surprise this litter of Rethug candidates is total shit?
Che1y will have to go the pancake route because Mitt has already cornered the market on waffles.
"I love this stuff!"
- Ren
This bit distracted me from coughing up a lung for a moment:
"each hand-harvested bean of Kopi Luwak has been artisanally shat out"
That's right ladies, don't forget the submission. It's in the fairy-tale book of the Hebrews.
Was that book First or Second Baloneyans?
Lovely. Deborah and Michele can't be hardass, righteous bitches but merely second stringers. Why do women buy this crap?
Sheesh, I know! I hardly have to spend any effort on oppression!
I've often wondered. Perhaps it's only the stupid and mentally ill women who buy it?
Raised since infancy being told they will burn in hell for all eternity if they question it. Backed up with regular beatings with belts or other objects for minor misdeeds 'for her own good.'
wow, that video is too crazy for snark. I hate to find out how their initial biblical support for Cain was justified (and watch the accompanying video if you are Abel).
You should be L'Chayimed of yourself for that pun.
I was trying to come up with a Jonah/Whale joke to follow that up, but I realized that we're talking about WND, not National Review.
I don't Noah, I thought it was pretty good.
"The book of Judges… explains an eerily similar pattern to today’s political and economic state of America."
Riiight… these were the chapters written by the Apostles Antonin, Clarence, and John. Who then ruled that Deborah could tell the Jews what to do, but had no right to decide what to do with her own body.
I agree with Maven. How do you even snark this? My mind, she boggles.
"There is a biblical precedent set for God sending a woman to do a man’s job when a man isn’t willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done." But if God is all powerful, why didn't he "step up to the plate and get the job done" himself? Or is God basically like a 11-year-old playing Battleship? Or maybe he just has a really good sense of humor and likes to play with the people at World Nut Daily?
If you go by what his followers say, God is one mean little fuck who can't DO anything FOR them, but is plenty happy to do things TO them as long as those things Aren't Nice At All.
Hey, God is VERY busy helping Tim Tebow win football games for the evangelical communities of Colorado, so SOMEONE else has to take care of his other responsibilities.
I have it, on good information, that God's administrative assistant is looking for another job. Of course, when this was fully disclosed, it was merely evidence for the lack of focus and slack ass job the assistant has been doing since making the decision to look outside of the organization.
I don't know how a book written in Aramaic by Jewish Shepherds based on stories stolen from Sumerian tales about Gilgamesh refer to a land unknown to the bible and people who
a) had nothing to do with the bible in any meaningful way
b) want to kill those living in the former Sumerian lands
My Invisible Friend can beat up your Invisible Friend.
Well, I have MOAR invisible friends than YOU, so there.
My all time favorite Richard Jeni quote, "Religious war, people fighting over who has the better imaginary friend".
But, can anyone defeat the invisible Fnord?.
I don't want to hear about your one god
I too, want to write a book about god giving me and my future generations, the land of Texas, so that I may rid the land of imbeciles forever. Amen.
I'll join your religion. Now you probably want me to donate…
I'd join you, but if it means living in Texas, even WITHOUT rednecks. . . .
Well, there is already a Palestine in Texas…you'll totally have to engage in a centuries-long, protracted guerilla war agains the natives, though.
But you have to pronounce it like the natives – "Palesteen"
Reality is intense. Reality is scary. Reality is hard work. Reality is often no fun at all. Reality is usually unfair. Reality frequently disables and kills the innocent. Reality is often impossible to change in a positive way. Much easier to merely hope for the best. Much easier to believe in fairy tales with happy endings for you, and bad endings for bad people in reality. Much easier to let someone else make some decisions. Much easier to let someone else make the hard decisions. Much easier to let someone make all the decisions. Much easier to avert your eyes and your mind even though believing in fairy tales and letting someone else run your life usually makes reality even harsher for you.
Sumerian … that's a suburb of Las Vegas, isn't it?
Hey, don't diss Sumeria – that's where the Good Sumeriatan came from!
Not to mention the Sermon on the Sumeria.
Summerlin, Sumer, same difference, I guess.
Even more to the point: How do they say "step up to the plate" in Aramaic and did they even know how to play baseball at the time? Or is this a reference to a collection plate?
Just as long as she obeys her husband Invisible Male Space Giant will be pleased.
Is it me, or are there alot of dopes in this country? Trillions of dollars spent on education, and people are still reading and believing fairy tales.
You can give 'em books, and give 'em books, and they'll just chew on the covers.
And mis- and re- interpreting them.
Stupid is as stupid does.
If you actually graduated school (any school) you will have been brainwashed to "Sochalizm" (a.k.a. Rational Thought). Which means that the folks that spent their school years drunk or huffing gasoline are the only true patriots.
It ain't just you, baby. It occurred to me only recently that until the fundies of every stripe are viewed as fringe lunatics, we are all still living in the Dark Ages.
Not only that, but THEY don't trust US! Fuckers.
It's not just you. There are a lot of dopes in this country.
wondering if they might be sinning by supporting and voting for a woman president.
Ha! See? It's from the Bible. Or the Necronomicon. Or the Charlie Sheen Roast.
Whatever.
She's a woman, but more importantly, she's not a Negro. Also. Also.
Now is the time. Now is Michele's time. She just needs to take a coupla-six pills first, just to take the edge off.
And by edge, I mean that stake through her brain.
Good advice, that. So here's hoping all the wingnut Jeebus freaks vote on their respective primary days for Bachmann. Who could ask for anything more? Life is good.
"There is a biblical precedent set for God sending a woman to do a man’s job when a man isn’t willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done."
I love that the God measures manliness by the baseball standard of stepping up to the plate. God wanted His Only Son to play first base for the Philistine Phillies, but the ingrate just said "if you build it they will come". Of course, Jesus was talking about a mega-church in Palestine Texas not a field of dreams. So his Dad got pissed and, well, the rest is history.
Hmm. Judging by the obesity epidemic in this country, boldly stepping up to the plate is one of American mens' strengths.
Hell, I don't need a plate. I can stuff my face standing by the open refrigerator.
Hmm, Adrian Peterson AKA Purple Jesus is from Palestine, so maybe the big guy just got his American sportz mixed up…
I wonder if he's referring to Ellen Degeneres?
so…does this mean Fidel Castro was impotent?
I didn't know Hand With String Tied Around Finger was female–or running. This is exciting!
It's no wonder WND supports Bachmann; 'Michele' is just a lesser version of Michael in biblical terms, so she's really nothing–just a female stand-in for a man.
Poor Marcus. Michele has a bigger one than he does, obvs.
"…a man isn’t willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done."
I think Perry would be passing the "get the job done" test if he wasn't such a mediocre Mexican hater.
Not just Mexicans.
If Perry tried to "step up to the plate", he'd stagger in the wrong direction.
"Prophesize" is what bible-thumpers do with their Big Macs to get the huge-ass fries and drink.
You're confusing it with profitize, which is what McDonald's is doing there.
Wing Nut Daily really missed the Analogy Boat on this one… because, for its core audience, the only time a woman "steps up to the plate" is to either wash it or put food on it.
"And if a woman have her monthly issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even." – Leviticus 15:19
Haha, fundies, this is why wimmins can't be president of anything!!
Leviticus is also why nobody in America should eat shrimp or touch lizards.
Or shave, or get a rounded haircut, or get a tattoo, or play football, or watch football on Sundays, or tell gossip, or get a tarot card reading, or eat ostrich, or wear polyester.
I didn't make any of that shit up; it's all in there. But it's cool, 'cause Christians never do any of these things.
Also, FWIW, the New Testament forbids women from wearing jewelry or braiding their hair.
No flag pins? Then they definitely can't win the presidency.
Leviticus! My favorite is 19:19 — no crop rotation, no Beefalo, no cotton-blend clothes.
Shit. If I interpret Lev. 19:19 broadly, I have to give up drinking Black and Tans.
Let's not get carried away here.
Just keep 'em in separate glasses, and Y…h won't smite you.
I am unable to get past this one…"Jerry McGlothlin, CEO of Special Guests Inc., “a leading supplier of expert guests to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage and other popular "
Sweet fucking gig for a shit heel.
The phrase "a leading supplier of expert guests" makes me think of the old Armour Meat Packing Plant. with hogs tied upside down, whizzing by on an overhead conveyor.
I was thinking more along the line of "leading supplier of hand towels" for some reason.
Oldest grandson, who is home sick from school, just asked what I was laughing at. I told him he was too young to understand. Although his snark and sarcasm gene seems to be kicking in early.
"expert guests" is code for underage boys.
Yes, apparently the talking heads are grown on a farm somewhere. Or made in the robotics factory. And supplied, en masse, to the right-wing blabbermouths.
Hey, finding a steady supply of almost-articulate rigght-wing nutters is not an easy job — even out in the Red Flyover States. I'm sure he has to scour Florida and Texas as well.
When's the last time "articulate" was a requirement for this gig? Hell, "comprehensible" sets the bar too high.
is this the party responsible for Sonny Bono appearances on Scooby Doo?
wondering if they might be sinning by supporting and voting for a woman president
Yeah, they're sinning. We know because that's what it says in Matthew 7.1…
Morans.
Well these conservatives realized if she were elected as president, every month, for a few days, she would have to sleep in a tent outside the White House encampment.
Yeah hahahaha it's hilarious how our President literally has a Bible Name, and yet wingnuts have spent the last three years using his name to imply that he's a Secret Muslim, because they really are completely unashamed of the fact that they're all ignorant idiot racists.
Not so much "ignorant" as "wilfully blind," since if they're reading their Babbles at all, they see that name on a fairly regular basis.
I'm honestly not sure many of them actually have taken the time to read their Bibbles in full and in sequence; some folks get good at quoting individual verses absent their context to support their own idiotic views, but my experience is, if you know your stuff and talk back to your average street preacher by asking, say, where exactly Jesus condemns homosexuality during his ministries -you know, in the Gospels, I don't mean the stuff Paul wrote afterwards, or the part of Leviticus right after not getting tattoos and right before not sitting next to women on their period- they're pretty quick to threaten you with Hell for "leading people astray".
Or possibly go all "the devil can quote scripture" on you. Not that there's anything wrong with Shakespeare …
"I was misquoted, by the lamestream media. Any ad that quotes the things I said in that day on the Temple Mount is false."
-Jesus
Ok, very clear now. In her heart of hearts Michele just couldn't submit to a real man who would get the job done. But, because she is crazy and/or fundamentalist xtian she married a closeted gay man that wouldn't boss her around, except in matters of decorating and she couldn't care less as long as the carpet matches the drapes.
Wonder how long they took in post-production to replace all of the references to Mooselini with Ol' Crazy Eyes?
Then took she seven times seven pills
Yea verily her eyes did bug out
and evenso her tongue was made loose
that gibberish might fall freely from her lips
Aaaaaaaameeeeeeeen.
It's nice to see the Bible freaks coming around to egalitarianism — after, of course, they have no other choices left. But to make it a really truly biblical phenomenon, they should honor Michele the same way the Bible honors That Woman on the Ark and That Woman Who Was Turned into Salt — as well as all the other nameless heroines in it — by giving her no other name than Marcus' Wife.
Though "Ofmarcus" has the biblical spirit with a contemporary literary feel.
Upfists from a Maggie fan.
What egalitarianism? Obviously, Deborah's husband told her to get off her lazy butt and go lead the frickin' troops. (He probably had a replacement lined up, a la Newt.) This was so obvious to the bible's writers that there was no need to mention it.
The problem, from a biblical perspective, with finding competent, qualified women to lead over men is that they're all whores. Bathsheba, Jezebel, Delilah; and then you've got your Marys and your Miriams.
If I may quote WND comments Terry Tramel here:
Michele is the most better choice than the Romney and Gingrich as they have theirs owns way of giving the Mexicans the dream bill act,and takeing the peoples rights away from them and makeing them take the government health care. I am sure she will be the one to lead us into a safe country with less government control and fewer taxes.
Any questions?
Both Romney and Gingrich are giving the Mexicans the dream bill act. T. Tramel must have seen it in a dream of his own.
Yeah – which of you Wonketteers wrote that?
Yes, could Terry please show us his long form birth certificate? I don't know what his native language is, but it's not the English.
Reading the comments on WND was creepy!
It flows much better in the original Klingon.
Yes, but which one?
Yea shall Barak cold ditcheth Jehosefat Bidneth and take for his second the whore of St. Cloud. Verily they will smite the Gardasil merchants, purveyors of private equities and Tiffany idolators. So it is written, so it shall be done. Hosanna, hosanna, santorum, santorum.
Every time a Man is brought down in the Bible it always a bitches fault.Who brought Adam down? EVE.Who bought Samson down? Delilah.Who asked for Johns the Baptist head on a plate ? The Queen. Same thing happens today! Who brought down Jim baker? Jessica Haun.Who brought down Bill Clinton? Monica Lewinski. Who brought down Ben Aflec? Matt Damon ! See every time !
I'd say noted man-eater Jennifer Lopez brought him to his knees, in more ways than one. Jus' sayin'.
Bur Herman likes to "bring down" the women, or at least their heads. Is he the AntiChrist?
Every damn thing in the world has been prophesied by that unwieldy stack of folklore, fables and outright lies called the Bible.
If Bachmann were the biblical Deborah, would she have shut ancient Israel's nonexistent embassy in Persia?
Watched the video, good God, so to speak, I forgot that people who go around actually thinking like this exist in the world, and in sizable numbers. I fear the home-schooled kids getting raised on this drivel. Now if we could only convince them that reproducing is irresponsible because of the end times and get them off this "full quiver" kick.
The narrator in that moronic video sounds like he finished last in the Brainerd, MN Elks Club Toastmaster's contest. Read much, pardner?
I think this opens the door for Sarah, right?
Short WND: Woman is always Judeo-Christian God's choice of last resort.
Stay classy, bastards. All that bullshit just to insult a full half of humanity…but in a different way.
Yesterday's Vikings outcome aside, Michele > Tebow.
In the country of Bangladesh, two women have been switching off as Prime Minister for the past few decades. Oh, sure, it's only because they are the daughters of very important men who founded/ruled the country, but we are talking about a nation where it is LEGAL for a man to have more than one wife.
Just throwing that out there: Muslim country, female prime ministers.
Don't forget former leaders of Pakistan and India.
Someday, maybe, the Xtards' social policies will catch up with those of more advanced nations.
Remember: other countries don't exist in Wingnutia. They think gays in the military will lead to radical social experimentation (Israel says hi), gay marriage will lead to a complete breakdown of the family (Canada says hi), marijuana is the seed of Satan and will drive our youth to the grave (The Netherlands say hi), socialism is the death knell of the Republic (the EU says hi), and environmentalism will enslave us to the animals (Japan says hi).
Now the one country they DO believe exists is China, because where else would they get all their notes for sound labor practices?
♪♫ Jebus hates us, this we know
As GOP candidates so sorely blow ♫♪
Oh man…! I just went to the WND site and read the comments on this article. It's like a fucking textbook case of a Teabagger cesspool. Those people do exist! Holy fuck!
Do not be afraid, if you don't make eye contact Christians will not think you are challenging them.Just snicker ,and walk away.
In 2009 I bought a bumper sticker reading "Palin Bachmann 2012: I Can't Wait!"
These wingnuts are touting that ticket UNIRONICALLY.
Who was that guy in the Bible who never messed with the ladies?Who walked around saying Amen,and Love your brother? Said he was not a fishermen ,but a Fisher of Men?Claimed he really liked Peter,said he liked to Lean on Peter? Had father issues,and was really close to his Mom?And in Mark 14:50-51 was arrested late at night in a garden with a young naked boy?Come on you know his name.
Hitler?
I've seen it suggested that "beloved disciple" was changed to "he" from "she" in the early Church to keep the uppity women in their place.
Thus demonstrating that they were more OK with homosexual undertones than with gender equality.
Shaft?
I can dig it.
"Is there a biblical precedent for electing a woman president?"
Is there a Biblical precedent for electing a President!?!
Fuckwad!
How bad must Huntsman feel that he's losing to these fuckers?
The funny thing is that Huntsman is not insane but is arguably the most conservative of the lot. R. Cohen's right…things are really breaking BO's way.
So, once again we see why religion and politics are always mixed: any political message can always be reinforced by someone with special knowledge of what the Magic Sky friend really wants us to do.
Some girls are ok.
Gotta say DW really bringing it lately.
"If a randy cocksman makes you stumble, cut him off and throw him from you; for it is better for you to lose your rod than for your political worldview to go to hell." – Matthew, 5:30
Special Guests, Inc.? Do they all get little medals after their appearances on those programs are over? Every Special Guest is a winner!
.. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you..
Exodus?
Clark Griswald in the book of Vacation Chapter 1.
If one is ever worried about the future of America, try watching this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgXMxhMhYm4
Thank you. Magnificent. Bernstein caught the essence of Voltaire (and maybe life itself) so well in that concluding duet, one of my favorites. It is a soul restorer. No snark, just awe and a few tears.
Verily, the Kardashian Sisterhood sprang forth to lead the country in its time of great need, and the true believers bought magazines in the supermarket checkout line so they could lose fifteen pounds in fifteen days and make delicious double-fudge cookies.
How did you discover Satan/Jesus's secret plan?Kim Kardashian will bare the 2nd Christ child as foretold in the book of Dego !
Wake me when we get to the part where Bruce offers to throw the girls to the mob if they'll only please stop banging on his door.
The false prophets! The Kardashian Sisterhood is the auntie-Christ!
Magazines? So that's what "monthly issues" refer to. Thanks.
Look… good chunks of Psalms and Wisdom can be summed up as "Women… amirite?" And Leviticus doesn't ban lesibanism because that would require at least one of the women being the active sex partner…
But amidst all the plagues and genocides, I don't recall Old Testament Jehova actually saying "Woman, stay in thy kitchen, and weareth shoes not."
Why, one could imagine the fundies are being a mite hypocritical, forming their own personal believes and then trying to claim their Bible backs it up, rather than the other way around…
That's splitting hairs. It is implied throughout much of that entire book, new and old testament, alike. I see a lot of liberal Christians try to twist that somehow conservative fundamentalist are twisting the central story of the Bible, and that's just wishful thinking on their part. The book is sexist and conservative all the way through, with women being delegated power only as a last resort and never as equals to men, and it should be no mystery why considering gray-bearded men of the time.
I'm not saying it's not sexist or misogynist, just that the vast majority of it seems to be happenstance rather than "God told us to," more a case of "God didn't tell us not to" if anything.
I agree that it is heavily implied, but you don't get to read between the lines and then call yourself a "strict constructionist."
"Submit, Michele!" cried the Mittmockman
Thumb up for Harlan ref.
"Submit, Michele!" cried the Mittmockman
But in spite of all that ambiguity, "The Law" pretty clearly denotes "Mosaic Law", not any old crap they read out of Judges. Not that Exodus and Leviticus are exactly the Geneva Convention, but Judges is some of the most violent and disturbing of all the Old Testament shit. Nail through the temple? That's nothing:
They also captured two of the Midianite leaders, Oreb and Zeeb. They killed Oreb at the rock of Oreb, and Zeeb at the winepress of Zeeb. They pursued the Midianites and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon, who was by the Jordan.
He took the elders of the town and taught the men of Sukkoth a lesson by punishing them with desert thorns and briers. 17 He also pulled down the tower of Peniel and killed the men of the town.
And in case mass-murder, savagery, and torture were not enough, here's some good, old-fashioned Biblical "one-man-one-woman" marriage morality:
Jerub-Baal son of Joash went back home to live. 30 He had seventy sons of his own, for he had many wives. 31 His concubine, who lived in Shechem, also bore him a son, whom he named Abimelek. (Judges 7 –
The one time recently that I agreed to attend church with the Mrs and little one, the fucking pastor read this crap, out loud, to a room full of children. I haven't been back. I'd rather she go godlessly through life without feel-good stories about bringing people heads and torturing them with thorns and adultery and polygamy. And Gideon was supposed to be one of the GOOD guys.
Verily I say unto thee; Matriarchy is upon us. Cringe thee now at the fiery temper of Maggie. Thou art but a worm and a bringer of shame upon the earth oh Jiggs. Submit thee now to women born into women's bodies, men born into women's bodies and women too born into the bodies of men. Jiggs thou art an outcast without hope of redemption.
Jeez, you're old.
Michele Bachmann has so many babies she has 400 BABIES
The world would be a better place if we just gave these jeebustards their own country. All we have to do is make sure they don’t have any nukes, sit back and watch the fun.
I would comment on this story, but reading the comments on the WND site just made me fucking kill myself.
"Herman Cain has exiled himself from the race in shame"
Well that's your first mistake. That man knows no shame.
As for this Bachmann crap… meh. It's WND. Do you think ANYONE there – staff or readers – has every actually read the Bible? It has big words! And small words! And words that you have to read yourself!
Women as second class citizens? Why can't the fundamentalists of the 3 major Abrahamic faiths get along again? They have so much in common.
Mark Twain told a story of an experiment: first teaching various animals to live together in a cage. Tigers, lions, bears, sheep, etc all were able to get along. Then, carrying the experiment one step further he took humans who were adherents of various religions and put them in a cage to see if the same could be accomplished. He came back in an hour and found them all dead–they had had a theological disagreement and "had taken the dispute to a higher power."
"So Deborah stepped up to the plate and led the charge…"
What the hell sport is that?
YWHWBall?
Just remember, from a little nut grows a hideous lopsided, ugly weed tree that you accidentally cut down one day with your lawnmower….
"They had rejected Yahweh God " – why so formal?
Also, if Deborah providing backbone to Barak sounds more like Nancy Pelosi steering the Healthcare Reform bill through after everybody freaked out when Scott Brown won the MA election.
so God was for women taking an active role in politics before he was against it? flip-flopper.
man (woman) proposes or plans , god giggles
Here's a little discussion of the section of the Sermon on the Mount that Negropolis mentions — basically it argues that since Jesus "came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it" and he subsequently redeemed the world by his sacrifice (even though he wasn't cooked on the altar like a proper lamb or bull would have been), he "fulfilled' the law, thus rendering it obsolete.
Of course many Christians are willing to forego such technicalities when they stand in the way of administering sadistic punishments to people they feel have broken some Old Testament rule or other.
http://www.gotquestions.org/abolish-fulfill-law.h...
OK, but I definitely won't have what she's having.
Sure does sound like it, huh? Jesus is actually and literally saying that he wants his followers to out-Pharisee the Pharisees. He wants his followers to follow all of them, Katie.
Go to Wonkette for the best in biblical hermeneutics and exegesis!
#notmeanttobeafactualsermon
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