REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS  5:09 pm December 5, 2011

Joe Arpaio Fine With Sex-Crimes As Long As They’re Against Illegals

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The only person in America who could give pink underwear a bad name.

GAH. When we pleaded with the universe last week for leading insane racist and pink panty queen Joe Arpaio to be the next high-profile Republican sheriff to become embroiled in a “ghey sex for meth” scandal, we made our offhanded Xmas wish sort of figuring that was the worst the universe could do on the sex crimes scale even where Joe Arpaio is concerned. How naïve of us, forgetting that we are talking about one of the most awful individuals in America today: the Associated Press turned up four hundred sex crimes reported to Arpaio’s office that he… eh, didn’t really bother to investigate, including “dozens of child molestations” that met with a delete key for minor victims with the wrong skin color.

From the AP story:

In El Mirage alone, where Arpaio’s office was providing contract police services, officials discovered at least 32 reported child molestations — with victims as young as 2 — in which the sheriff’s office failed to follow through, even though suspects were known in all but six cases.

Many of the victims were children of undocumented immigrants, said a retired El Mirage police official who reviewed the files.

Forcing grown prisoners to parade around in front of him in rosy-colored bloomers is apparently Joe’s only area of interest in terms of creepy sex crimes. [AP]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 202 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] December 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Well, some of the offenders must also be brown, you'd think he'd investigate SOME of these.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Apparently, brown VICTIMS trumps brown offenders ANY DAY, you foolish, naive, gun-toting [REDACTED], you.

CainTrain December 5, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Arizona state law says if the victim's melanin count is too high, no crime was actually committed.

Gratuitous World December 5, 2011 at 5:12 pm

He must've taken the same online course as the PSU campus police.

s.c.u.m

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I thought that was Valerie Solanas' group. Besides, the PSU campus pigs seemed much more into oppressing the already-oppressed, unlike Solanas.

finallyhappy December 5, 2011 at 5:12 pm

what a dirtbag!

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I'm sorry, that's a terrible insult to dirt, which grows those tasty veggies Kortney LOVES so much.

Chillwaver December 5, 2011 at 5:12 pm

No snark here. I hope this asshole gets kidnapped by a Mexican Drug Cartel.

user-of-owls December 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Those guys tend to be less interested in "storage" and more into "deconstruction" when it comes to their victims.

Which would make the snatch you describe even more appropriate in a karmic sort of way.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I kinda would prefer Hannibal Lecter, but since he's not a REAL person, and Mess'can drug cartels are …

Not_So_Much December 5, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Maybe just his head?

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:27 pm

I like the way you think. Sick. Twisted. There's a lot to be said for that.

Barb December 5, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I bet his underwear has a dick hole in both the front and back, if you know what I mean.

weejee December 5, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Looks like those bloomers he's holding are sagging certified.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Looks like that pair could use a better (elastic) broad band.

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Barb, that is assuming he wears underwear. He might not; just to be able to get to biznezz faster.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:43 pm

So does Sheriff Joe, Barb.

Mumbly_Occupado December 5, 2011 at 6:29 pm

His sheriff's hat, also too.

Tommy1733 December 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I get it – so if he is gay then would be a good slam against him because, um what? I don't agree with using gayness as an insult.

ProgressiveInga December 5, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Jerry Sandusky (R-Pennsylvania) approved this message.

hollywooddood December 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Isn't he the ex-coach from Penn-etration State?

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Oh, hollywooddood, U so KREWEL!

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I b'leev Jerry might have even been the offender in a few of those cases.

horsedreamer_1 December 5, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Cannot speak to Ol'Jerry's politics, but his onetime boss, Paterno, has spoken at the RNC.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Wow. All along, I've sort of given Joe Paterno a bit of a break, in that he did what he was supposed to do, and is being excoriated for doing no more. But then, I thought he was just a regular guy. A Featured Speaker at the RNC? That explains his complete lack of interest in the fate of poor, at-risk BLACK pre-adolescent CHILDREN. What a fucking prick.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Just for the record, I've been watching that case very closely and I have yet to see a victim of any color other than white. There are very few African-Americans living in rural central Pennsylvania where the victims came from. Most were the children of poor, white, usually single mothers who were thrilled at getting their kids in an after-school program associated with PSU. Some others were the children of people mired in drug and alcohol abuse, many of whom were in and out of child "protective" services. Not to say there aren't any non-white victims, many survivors have requested anonymity and others no doubt have yet to come forward — so we may never know. But I think it's safe to say that in Central Pennsylvania, at least, Republicans just disregard the safety and well-being of ALL poor people, not just black ones.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:28 am

Really? I could have sworn that at least TWO of the victims — the kid seen by the janitor being forcibly subjected to oral sex, and the kid seen by the assistant coach being forcibly raped in a shower stall — were both identified as black in the news account. Of course, in this country that means they could be biracial, since even one remote ancestor who contributed African-looking features = black kid, as far as most white people are concerned (as I found out when I briefly became a step-parent to a child with a skin whiter than paper but with nappy hair, who invariably got followed around Macy's by the store detectives when his darker-skinned brother with "good" hair did not). I'm trying to remember whether I read that in a sports paper/mag or in some PA paper online. Not that it matters, ultimately — they were children lacking protectors, and this made them targets in the eyes of these monstrous sick men, and that's all that really matters.

Edited to add: Thanks for letting me know that, though. It's greatly appreciated.

edgydrifter December 5, 2011 at 5:16 pm

In Sheriff Joe's world, committing a crime against an "illegal" is a legal double-negative. It's so right it's actually kind of heroic. Raping an undocumented Mexican child is morally equivalent to beating Pol Pot with a crowbar.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Especially if that child is under FIVE! (Years, not pounds, geez.)

ifthethunderdontgetya December 5, 2011 at 5:16 pm

That seals it.

Joe Arpaio will be the next hot not-Romney pretzeldential candidate of the moment. Soon as the newtster slimes off to where he came from.
~

Mumbletypeg December 5, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Men will never be free Justice will never be served until the morally decrepit sheriffs are strangled with the pink bloomers of their last most recently humiliated inmates.

Beowoof December 5, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Arpaio, that sounds Mexican, can I see your birth certificate?

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I bet he has a Long John Birth Certificate.

Chillwaver December 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Arpaio in Cuban is short for "cabeza de caca."

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I thought it was "caca de vaca."

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Be sure to ask for Tom Tancredo's while you're about it. That guy is BROWN! For a not-Messican, anyway.

Spurning Beer December 5, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Doesn't this seem like a federal civil rights case waiting to happen?

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2011 at 5:33 pm

In a perfect world, absolutely. But remember, Arpaio's got this little–erm–ace in the hole, to wit:

Many of the victims were children of undocumented immigrants, said a retired El Mirage police official who reviewed the files.

If the Feds get involved, Joe will merely start braying about states' rights and Obama being soft on immigration and blah dee fucking blah.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Disgusting, but unfortunately, probably correct. And Jan Brewer will be right behind him.

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm

And Jan Brewer will be right behind him.

With a stainless steel strap-on, no less.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Let's hope it has little — or maybe NOT so little — sharpened tungsten spikes. I've never met a man who deserved an anal laceration more than Sheriff Joe.

Negropolis December 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm

It does, but it's taking a whole helluva long time with the other one they've filed against him. Honestly, what the fuck is going on with that one?

user-of-owls December 5, 2011 at 5:20 pm

First against the wall come the Reconquista.

Extemporanus December 5, 2011 at 5:21 pm

"Show me on the electrified fence where the illegal illegally touched you, illegal."

weejee December 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm

shocking…

as always

CapnFatback December 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

It's not like these were crimes committed against humans; these illegals are aliens, after all. Let the Space Cops handle it.

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I get this visual of the rest of the universe peering over a cordon with a sign on it that reads "Cross this line; interact with this species and you will be immediately detained and thermoized by order of the Galactic Zoo Management."

mourningnmerica December 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I'm shooting a new movie, "Cowboys and Aliens" as we speak. It stars Steven Segall as Sheriff Joe, and Michelle Malkin as his Deputy. We are shooting it in Mexico, not because it is cheaper, but because it is safer, what with all the headless bodies being found in Arizona.

After that, we have scheduled a remake of "Gator", starring Herman Cain.

iburl December 5, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Have you thought about remaking "Brave Little Toaster" with Mitt? Nevermind, that toaster had a personality.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Sheesh, even the *toast* that came out of it has more personality than Mittens.

memzilla December 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Not investigating pedophilia, even though the identities of the pederasts are known? What's he running for after Sheriff — Cardinal?

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Right state…

ShitFilledExistence December 5, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Nah–a simple in route would probably give him a heart attack.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Well, that sounds like a good idea! Sign right here, Heart Attacks for Arpaio campaign.

mourningnmerica December 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Cardinal "Law".

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:08 pm

And that's our winner for this thread. Shut it down.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:34 pm

It was either that or Cardinal Sin. Heh heh.

imissopus December 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm

PSU football coach.

Mumbly_Occupado December 5, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Nope. The Cards are a pro team, and that's really more of a college football thing.

Schmannnity December 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm

In Arizona, the law only protects "persons," not "illegal immigrants," and besides, weren't they asking for it by having their law-breaking parents bring or birth them here?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Those 6-year olds, always running around in shorts … I mean, what to you expect, right?

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I've often pointed out that the pre-adolescent children among us are far too smutty in their ways, and a temptation to the God-fearing and righteous … nah, I can't do it. It makes me vomit. I'll try again in a century, maybe it will have worn off by then.

Callyson December 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Google "Joe Arpaio corruption" for lots more…
And as I was typing that, I almost typed "Hoe Arpaio corruption." Which brings up many of the same stories.
I hope this jerk ends up as an oldster, stuck in a nursing home, dependent on the kindnesses of "illegal immigrants" for his daily care…

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I'm hoping he leaves us LONG before that possibility.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:12 pm

I'm sure he's hoping for the same. If Rosita, the nursing home orderly, recognizes him, he's going to have a really hard time enjoying his meals.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Well, in this one area at least, my hopes and wishes coincide with Sheriff Joe's.

I want him publicly crucified for this, though. 26 little children abused is too much for even my usually unflagging snarkiness. THIS is the kind of crime for which lynching seems an acceptable remedy, and the law be damned. Our laws fail to provide penalties inhumane enough to satisfy our thirst for the proverbial and biblical "eye for an eye." These children can *never* be made whole, no matter what is done to the offender. Therefore, let us do away with them altogether, simply to eliminate the possibility of their ever claiming another victim.

I know it's not "right" or "reasonable," but this is an issue that eliminates any tatters of reasonability.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2011 at 3:33 am

I'm trying to imagine how a child molester AND ex-sheriff would be treated by his fellow inmates. Naturally, I'm succeeding, and, well … let's just say you'd approve.

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm

"Fuck the prisoners… and while you're at it… same goes for the kids too."

-Sherf Jo

SayItWithWookies December 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm

The man thrives on cheap stunts and humiliating people who are already confined — why should he bother doing actual police work when he gets all the publicity he wants the easy way?
Oh, and another thought — how many of those molestation suspects were described as "a squat, fat, elderly, pompous, loudmouthed jackass with his own camera crew?"

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:13 pm

The man thrives on cheap stunts and humiliating people who are already confined — why should he bother doing actual police work when he gets all the publicity fun he wants the easy way?

Fixed.

ShitFilledExistence December 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm

MCSO Motto: Victim brown? Turn it down.

bumfug December 5, 2011 at 5:25 pm

"Have you met my new assistant, Deputy Sandusky?"

weejee December 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

How's 'bout taking Arpaio on a wrong turn in Juarez, scream out "La Línea chupa la polla de burro" three times real loud, kick Joe out the back door and turn around and skedaddle north of the border.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 5:28 pm

El Mirage Detective Jerry Laird, who reviewed some the investigations, learned from a summary of 50 to 75 cases files he picked up from Arpaio’s office that an overwhelming majority of them hadn’t been worked.

Sounds like R-piehole needs to be worked over.

Extemporanus December 5, 2011 at 5:31 pm

♫♪ Oh my god, it's El Mirage! ♫♪

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I'm beyond disgusted by this. They KNEW who the perp was in 26 out of 32 cases, and some of those cases involved children as young as TWO.

What kind of monster wreaks pain and suffering on a two-year-old INFANT?

Sheriff Joe better pray every single day for the rest of his life that he and I never meet anyplace where I could get away with killing him. I would consider it a well-deserved tribute to those poor kids.

unclejeems December 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Good for you. But I wouldn't let him off so lightly.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I have no intention of making it a clean kill, if that's any help.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Sherrif is an elected office … and you can't go around arresting your strongest supporters, now, can you?

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:26 pm

I've always believed that's ONE reason why we haven't cracked down on child molesters as thoroughly as we could have. Psychopaths tend to gravitate towards law enforcement work because it's the best possible protection any aspiring criminal could possibly have (no offense to our many fine LEOs who get their asses shot off on a regular basis trying to Do The Right Thing).

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I suppose there is an upside. I can send him all my undies that I washed with the dogs red blankie. I have tons of them. (damn that vodka shots night at the singles washateria).

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm

What the fuck is wrong with you, Arizona?

ProgressiveInga December 5, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Old, drunk and deluded is no way to go through life, grandpa.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

You got ten years?

unclejeems December 5, 2011 at 7:25 pm

It's just out of a relationship with South Carolina that went way bad.

CapnFatback December 5, 2011 at 5:30 pm

And why should the police follow up? Those illegals are just taking all the molestation victim jobs away from good ol' American kids.

mavenmaven December 5, 2011 at 5:30 pm

All this dirtbag is really interested in now is selling his approval to the highest repub bidder. I imagine there will be a book eventually, you know, the whole palin.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Wait a minute — didn't he endorse Rick Purreh? Or was it Herman Cainwreck?

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2011 at 11:05 pm

It's Rick Perry. They enjoy admiring each other's gun collections and exchanging ideas about prison reform.

ThundercatHo December 5, 2011 at 5:31 pm

IOIYABC (It's ok if you're a brown child)

Chillwaver December 5, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Just remember: this fucker is the GOP's go-to guy on Immigration. Every single GOP presidential candidate sought his endorsement (which eventually went to Perry).

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Geezus. Sick.

fartknocker December 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

And no one has mentioned that little factoid on any of the major news networks. Rick likes executing innocents so 32 cases of sex crimes agains some brown pigmented children in Arizona is literally childs play for Governor Goat Fucker. The old hoverround riders in Sun City love AARPiehole but he is nothing but a puss filled anal polyp.

32 young children. Everytime I see that number I think of my daughter when she was 7 years old. Rage is a dangerous emotion.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I know. How can anybody who HAS a kid or has EVER liked or loved a kid, read this and not have the top of their head go FOOM! I don't even have my own bio-spawn, not to mention not liking human spawn too much on the whole. But this type of crime against children is simply unacceptable. Unforgiveable. And Sheriff Joe should thank the LAW that he so inadequately enforces for saving his skanky old ass from the infuriated parents of those children. I would happily go to jail for killing anybody who laid a hand on my favourite girl.

BarackMyWorld December 5, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Your move, South Carolina.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I don't supposed Arizona has any prisons named after the sheriff that they could house him in at state expense?

Chet Kincaid December 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Whole lot of "wrong" there: Not investigating disgusting crimes; De facto refusing to acknowledge a crime has occurred if the victim is brown; Assuming all browns are "illegals" ; Thinking that not investigating crimes committed by or upon "illegals" doesn't put "legals" at risk too.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Thank you. Whole fucking SHITload of wrong going on.

Rotundo_ December 5, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Yet another Heee-Row of the fascist, oops make that Republican, party in action, only in this case it's more like inaction.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:47 pm

I don't understand these ancient skanks. What the FUCK is wrong with them? Arpaio HAS kids, just like Paterno has kids. How can they justify their self-imposed and willing blindness and let this sort of shit go on? Every molester abuses around 100 children in their lifetime. And a significant number of the children that they abuse go on to either become abusers themselves, or to perpetuate their own abuse by failing to teach their children right. Those 26 known offenders that the Sheriff didn't stop — how many MORE victims did they abuse?

Sparky_McGruff December 6, 2011 at 7:48 am

Two "wrongs" don't make a "right". But pile on enough "wrong" and you get a REPUBLICAN HERO!

CapnFatback December 5, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Poetry Corner
Brought to you by the El Mirage Police Department

Your Uncle Jorge touched your wanker? Maybe
You shouldn't have been born an anchor baby

WhatTheHolyHeck December 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

It's a real pity the Internet is monitored so closely by The Authorities, otherwise I'd make free to let loose with a string of invective, threats of violence and creative torture possibilities that would help me let off the steam of outrage without actually meaning to harm another human being physically I swear officer I'd never do it please don't pepper spray me.

Biff December 5, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Is "don't pepper spray me" the new "don't tase me, Bro"?

Thurman Munster IV December 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Put the bastard's head on a tortoise

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Nah. A pike. (No, not the fish.)

Generation[redacted] December 5, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Thanks for the head's-up, Tortuga.

LettucePrey December 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Breaking Bad reference FTW!

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm

WTH is Breaking Bad, another TV/movie/popculture icon of the week that I missed out on?

Any year now, you'll have me buying a TV and getting cable or something.

Groupshrug December 5, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Will this make Ricky Perry back away from Arpaio's support? Probably not.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:21 pm

If Arpaio had been a Texas sheriff, Perry might have been annoyed at the interference with his supply of condemned prisoners. But Joe operates in Arizona, so I'm sure Ricky's cool with it.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Like it makes any difference now, when Perry is polling lower than Bachmann. How embarrassing is that?

ShitFilledExistence December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I never rant but I'm gonna.
Honestly, there should be a Westside Sheriff that actually gives a shit about Maryvale, Glendale, Tolleson, Avondale, El Mirage, etc.
I've lived in many places in Maricopa County over the past 15 years– mostly north Phoenix. I've had brief stints in Tent City/Estrella/Madison (sticky fingers in my early 20's–even stole some pink thermals I still have). Right now, I'm pretty much a 'blanca' in Tolleson which is 80% Hispanic. I've never had any problems here. The city is run extremely well. The people are fucking awesome– I love going to the carniceria down the road for fresh cheese, veggies and beer. But I gotta say–the most largely ignored, snubbed, condescended-to, bitched about, discriminated against region in the valley is Phoenix's west side for no other reason than the overwhelming Hispanic population. The distrust of cops is well known here for good reason and I don't blame these people one fucking bit…
Joe's gonna be eighty years old soon. There's some comfort in that.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Say it Ain't So Joe !

iburl December 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

But, but, but this guy is the epitome of Arizona Morality!

I'm sure that it was just a clerical error, like maybe Steven Segal ran over the reports with his chicken/dog/mexican squishing tank.

MaxNeanderthal December 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

"Arizona Morality"?
Oxymoron libel…!

donner_froh December 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Dante would have to invent a new circle of hell to accommodate this asshole.

MaxNeanderthal December 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Interesting looking photo- that haircut + those glasses+little short-arsed twat with authoritarian views = closeted kiddie fiddler? Place ya bets for the inevitable expose…..

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:52 pm

You know … when you put it that way …

Fuck me, I believe you're right.

DahBoner December 5, 2011 at 5:48 pm

This guy loves cameras so much, everytime he enters a store with a camera aimed right down at the entrance, he stops and gives an interview about how tough he is…

glamourdammerung December 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm

So, someone needs to get one camera and him, McCain, Lieberman, and Graham in a sealed room?

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:52 pm

There's gonna be three dead people in there in ten seconds flat, and I'm takin' bets on names.

OneYieldRegular December 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Isn't there a jail named after him in which he can start serving time?

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Being a lite skinned Irishmen Tanned people suck ! I spend 15 minutes in the sun ,and I will look like one of the Nazi's who tried to open the Ark of the Covenant.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Here's a little anecdote to keep you happy. Back when I was young and foolish, I took a hot-bodied young Irish-American Marine to the beaches of Bali for a little frolic 'n fling. He kept slathering on suntan lotion, and generously offered me some. I laughed in his face. "HAHA!" I said. "We brown people TAN. It's you miserable red-hair-gene-carrying benighted Irish sots that have to worry about BURNING."

He was very kind while peeling off sheets of burned skin off me the subsequent weeks. Never said a mean word. Even shared his body lotion.

We ALL burn. Some of us just take longer than others.

Negligently_Joe December 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

It's weird for me; being multi, I sometimes feel like my white genes and my brown genes have a timeshare in my epidermis. I can literally spend hours out in the sun and merely come back a duskier, more-alarming-to-white-grandmothers-and-politicians-named-Joe hue, or I can come back with my shoulders peeling and smarting for a couple of days. Total toss-up, and it never seems related to sun conditions or anything else, as far as i can tell.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Hey, there, Joe. How fascinating. Normally, when I go out in the sun, I just get a deeper shade of brown. Although (for reasons not entirely clear to me) my FACE gets red and boiled-looking. But since that spectacular burn-'n-peel, I haven't dared stay out in the direct sun for more than a couple of hours at most, and even then, I make sure to wear long-sleeved shirts, long pants, and a hat. That was a VERY painful lesson.

How interesting that you should manifest *different* reactions! I think the white genes might be responsible. I notice Our Very Own Prez'dent Bamz tans up to a certain point only. He just doesn't seem to get any browner beyond that point. Whereas I can keep on browning to a pretty nice shade of black, if I don't burn first.

glamourdammerung December 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Why is this criminal not in jail? Oh yeah, forgot about that whole "it is fine if Republicans do it" nonsense.

/sighs

El Pinche December 5, 2011 at 6:02 pm

If my Karma Kalendar is correct, prostate or colon cancer should be kicking in any day now. Yeah, I'm a vile nasty liberal, and I don't care. I hate that ass fuck.

Rotundo_ December 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Colon metasticizing to the liver is a bit too quick. Lung, with a general spread across the body would be better. Either will do quite nicely. You're not alone good sir, many folks feel the same way about him.

RadioYKWE December 5, 2011 at 6:19 pm

I'll pay for the useless radiation treatments.

emmelemm December 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Pancreatic. More painful, less treatable.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Penis cancer, requiring amputation.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Colon cancers, like Sheriff Joe, tend to be indolent, i.e., slow-growing, treatable, etc.

We want something that will wipe the fucker out with maximum suffering. Prostate cancer won't do it, either, surgical intervention usually takes care of it quite nicely and at his age, he probably already has a prostate problem.

chascates December 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm

With 'kingmakers' such as Joe Arpaio, Donald Trump, and Sarah Palin America has more to fear internally than from all of the external Islamists and other terrorists combined.

Chet Kincaid December 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Joke's on you, Sheriff Joe! There's a state-of-the-art meth lab with high-end German precision equipment right underneath that dryer full of pink bloomers. I hear this "Heisenberg" might not even be brown!

weejee December 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Is that Heisenberg a principled uncertainty?

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Maybe.

Wilcoxyz December 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm

In other news, Rush Limbaugh cancelled his holiday travel plans in Thailand and scheduled a series of speeches at Arizona State.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Joe Arpaio, really hates Greasy,wet back,spics,and lazy illegal alien beaners . The one thing I will not condone is a racist !

onemoretime79 December 5, 2011 at 6:15 pm

The biggah they are, the harder they fall.

I won't hold my breath but this does make me wonder just how far the citizens of AZ near his tiny fiefdom can be pushed. And maybe I'm wrong but that don't stop me from knowing this self-righteous poor excuse for humanity will meet his maker sooner than he wants.

And no deathbed confessions in overlarge pink panties allowed.

RadioYKWE December 5, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Pink is the new brown, which used to be the old black.

YouBetcha December 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm

I'm sorry but fuck this dumb fuck to fucking hell. Apparently being a douchecanoe because you hate Mexicans isn't enough, you have to also twiddle your goddamn thumbs while brown children are molested. Fuck you, Arpaio. I have no snark for you. Only contempt, you sad piece of shit, you vile fuck.

glamourdammerung December 5, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Maybe we are being too harsh and Arpaio is just creating an environment of hassle-free child raping in order to try to snag the Republican convention.

owhatever December 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm

In religious news, the Catholic church today opened ten new parishes in El Mirage.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Unfortunately, that's not far from the truth.

DerrickWildcat December 5, 2011 at 6:46 pm

It's also a pretty safe bet that the salivating Pro-Life screamers are rather ambivalent when it comes to brown babies.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:59 pm

You've noticed.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Yes, because it's a well-known fact they can't be the next Mozart.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:42 am

Well, they can't. But they COULD be the next Pablo Neruda, or Diego Rivera, or Luis Alvarez, or Gabriel Garcia Marquez, which would be just as fine with me.

lulzmonger December 6, 2011 at 2:09 am

+1

It's a real pity they can't spontaneously grow a tail & secrete a uterus around themselves with which to attract the concern or attention of Operation Rescue,

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Brilliant idea, lulzmonger. How to implement, though? Technical details, most annoying.

littlebigdaddy December 5, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Show me on the doll where he stuck his burrito.

glamourdammerung December 5, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Q. What does a conservative call ignoring the rape of a two year old while wasting time and resources "investigating" Obama's birth certificate in a transparent attempt to impeach him over nothing?

A. Acceptable.

johnnyzhivago December 5, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Ok, he's a miserable bastard, but he does support better broadband.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I live in Arizona and I can assure you Sheriff Joe thinks broadband is a musical group of the lady gender.

Dok-cupy Everything December 5, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Nah, he thinks it's a wide stripe on his big ol' manly cowboy hat.

Blueb4sunrise December 5, 2011 at 7:20 pm

That it was goddam AP that investigated the story, and that no local law, or media was screaming about this, that happened , at least since 2004….fuck , I dunno, I got nuthin……..

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I just don't get it. What happens to a person to make them like this? What can possibly make someone hate hispanics so much that they don't care about molested 2 year olds? Gurg.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I know. A child is a child is a child. Its colour ought to be completely irrelevant to its need to be protected from this type of crime.

Dear god, how can anybody in their right mind possibly justify closing their eyes to the RAPE OF A CHILD? How?

Guppy December 5, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Today, we learn that one can molest brown children in Arizona with no repercussions.

Tomorrow, Rush Limbaugh buys a plane ticket.

Redhead December 5, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Arpaio/Sandusky/Pedobear 2012?

weejee December 5, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Now that is a hell of a ménage à trois.

/ staggers to the brain bleach and starts pouring same in his ear

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Save some for me!

El Pinche December 5, 2011 at 7:33 pm

As a Beaner Shnitzel, I'm only half offended.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 11:19 pm

That was a Satire heavy joke. and only meant to half offend.

Dok-cupy Everything December 5, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Telling Mexicans that we will prosecute people who rape their kids is just another of those magnets for illegal immigration.

not that Dewey December 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

They should have to go to the back of the line!

grandinquisitor December 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Human decency, how does it work?

Steverino247 December 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Glad I sent this one in when I saw it last night. The guy's shirking of his duty to protect the weakest of his charges is inexcusable.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:44 am

Thank you.

Antispandex December 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

What Joe Pendejo knows, that the rest of you bleeding heart hippies don't know, is that it is in the constitution that if you are in this country illegally, nothing illegal can happen to you. Also, if your parents dragged you here, it's still your fault for not running away from home…you know, to live in poverty like an honest citizen.

JackDempsey1 December 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Maybe they're screening case files using the State College, PA system—–
they run the whole thing past an octagenarian wearing coke-bottle glasses, and see what he has to say.
A "jeez" or lower, and the case gets circular-filed.
A "for the love of Mike" warrants further investigation.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 8:21 pm

!2 million illegal Mexicans is not an immigration problem.It's an invasion problem.No country can be expected to absorb so many people at a cost of Billions of dollars.Joe might not be doing the best job ,but our government is doing nothing .

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:56 am

Nobody knows just how many people are in this country illegally. SOME people have come up with an estimate of UP TO 12 million, but please remember that this includes people who came here up to 30 years ago as well as people who arrived last week. So, no, it's not invasion. Invasion sort of requires that a bunch of people coordinate their actions of rushing across the border. Many of those people are children under the age of 12 (older children are more likely to be left behind if at all possible, since they already have a life of their own separate from their parents, and are either in school or more likely to be looking for work within a few years). What do you want these people to do with their young children, leave them behind? They have no way of knowing if they will be able to return and it seems excessively cruel to espouse separating people from their young children at a time when children most need their parents. MOST of the people who are in this country illegally came here to work. If there were no jobs for them, they would not come, and, indeed, since the downturn in the American economy, more of those who came here illegally have left the country, and fewer have arrived. However, if we were realistic, we would admit that we NEED the labour that these people provide. Even with our current unemployment figures, we need their labour, because our economy — and especially our agricultural sector — is based thereon. In parts of Europe you pay much more for food than in most of America. At least, when I was in Ireland, I remember considering shopping at the supermarket incredibly expensive compared to my (relatively upscale) local grocers'/farmers' market. Most Americans do not want to pay more for their food. Most Americans also do not want to perform farm labour. Regrettably, those are our choices. If America wants its own citizens to do farm labour, we can institute a price/wage structure for food that takes into account things like workers' compensation, paid sick leave, overtime pay, eight-hour days, mandated breaks, and other such benefits. If we're not willing to pay more for food, we can't complain that farmers want to employ undocumented labour which is cheaper and make a slightly higher profit by failing to implement the fairer working conditions and benefits that Americans expect from their jobs. Before you complain about people coming here illegally, go look at the crops rotting in the fields in Alabama, Georgia, and Arizona. And don't blame your fellow Americans, either. If you have $60K in school loans, or young children, or aged parents needing care, you can't *afford* a career as a farm labourer.

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 6:50 am

Not to mention that at this point, economics are an increasingly small part of what's driving immigration, relative to the fact that there's effectively a state of anarchy and/or civil war in Northern Mexico. Referring to many of these immigrants as an "invasion" is roughly the same sort of classy as applying the same label to Tutsis living in 1994 Zaire

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

That's exactly why, under international law, we do NOT classify those escaping violence, strife, or persecution in their native country as "immigrants," but as "refugees," deserving of humanitarian assistance. If we were honest, not driven by racial prejudice and fear, we would admit that there is a problem on our southern border, and we would attempt a bilateral solution that would include humanitarian assistance for refugees who can demonstrate that they are fleeing strife (which should not be difficult at all, given the hysterical panting of the Nativists about violence spilling over the borders).

glamourdammerung December 6, 2011 at 2:40 am

Joe might not be doing the best job ,but our government is doing nothing .

You are either a liar, a moron, or both.

Blueb4sunrise December 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Breaking: Arpaio says, "Oops." .
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2011

Also, my bad, local paper was asking questions in 2008.
http://www.pulitzer.org/archives/8377

Negligently_Joe December 5, 2011 at 8:57 pm

And Sheriff Joe's response, in several cases, was to harass and try to arrest and/or prosecute the local press. Because in addition to being a thoroughly despicable man, he's also transparently a fascist.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:11 am

After looking through the East Valley Tribune, I'm simply astounded that this asshole continues to hold office.

x111e7thst December 5, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Greasy little fuck has "Wish I had the guts for some sex tourism in Thailand" stamped all over his greasy little face..

Negligently_Joe December 5, 2011 at 8:30 pm

"America's Toughest Sheriff", except when it comes to violent crimes.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:15 am

Pretty tough of him to harass undocumented uneducated migrant workers who have no money or power, don't you think? Whereas pedophiles, or at least those running things, tend to be wealthy and powerful individuals.

Negligently_Joe December 6, 2011 at 6:55 am

Right, because being tough on crime means subjecting (overwhelmingly non-violent, not that it should matter) prisoners to degrading and inhumane conditions, none of this actually enforcing criminal statues bullshit.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Copy and paste that to the BrightFart site, and you could collect 300 upfists.

(Not that this story would ever see the light of day over there.)

Barrelhse December 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Any possibility that the GOP will simply out-buffoon itself and become too extreme for all but the 23% or so of the electorate they're playing to? I can't imagine any rational, intelligent person feeling comfortable about voting for these clowns; maybe those Republicans just won't vote.

mourningnmerica December 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

But Obama, he's still black, right? They'll vote.

Barrelhse December 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Oh, yeah. Shit.

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Oh jeezus. I'm'a having BAD nightmares tonight. Thank you so much, horsedreamer.

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

"Toughest Sheriff?" This old windbag couldn't pull a sick whore off the piss-pot. I doubt there was ever a time in his miserable life he could go three minutes in the ring. I'd love to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth; I'd be a gazillionaire. I've known some tough Sheriffs; I've worked for and with them, Joe R. Piehole would have to stand on his momma's shoulders to look any of them in the eye.

a_pink_poodle December 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I'm sort of cool with the pink prison garb but that other stuff is like no.

HobbesEvilTwin December 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Herman Cain, Sarah Palin, Joe Arpaio, Joe Walsh, Joe the Plumber ….

My crutch is that I continue to convince myself that these are all products of the Yes Men or some other incredibly funny performance artists. Otherwise, I would need copious amounts of single malt scotch, LSD and pillows to cry into.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:37 am

After reading Dok's post, below, I'm tempted to break out the drugs and booze and take ALL of them in one sitting. How utterly vile these people are, and the people they support must be even viler — and if they're not, now, they soon will be if they hope to keep the support of these monsters.

Dok-cupy Everything December 5, 2011 at 10:54 pm

A Child's Garden of Free Republic comments on this story:

The problem here is the rampant epidemic of child sex abuse among illegal aliens, not how the cases are investigated. Mexican men come here from a country where you can freely have sex with a 12 year old girl, incest is tolerated, and rape penalities are among the most lax in the world. THIS is the decrepit culture we are importing, via our virtual amnesty policies. To blame Arpaio for all this is comical.

Maybe the Sheriffs getting too close to the truth regarding Obamas citizenship? They weren’t bothering with him much, right up until now. It tells me he’s on to something. Go Joe, Go!!!!!!

"Many of the victims, said a retired El Mirage police official who reviewed the files, were children of illegal immigrants."
Which means the perps probably were too.

Which means that Joe was solving the problem by shipping illegals back to where they came from.

which makes this smear very easy to answer for the sheriff- if obama was doing his job securing the border as well as enforcing immigration laws on the books- nevermind the fact he’s arming mexicans with guns that have killed Americans- then the sheriff would have the necessary resources to stop the sexual abuse by illegal immigrants rather than focus on trying to curb the number of illegal immigrants that are causing these crimes..

Fixers for the administration are in full swing.

[the] Open Border LibTurds love any AP story throwing stones at Sheriff Joe.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 12:34 am

I hope these are from multiple different commenters. Because if any ONE person were responsible for ALL this swill, we might have to put them down for rabies, or something.

What awful, ugly people these are! In all my years on this planet, I have seldom met people willing to openly say such vile and scabrous things. They must all be wealthy and powerful individuals, because I have spent a good part of my life living among poor individuals, and failed to encounter such vileness.

Chet Kincaid December 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

They're not "openly" saying it on Free Repubic, my friend. The great gift of the Internet is exposing the inner dialog of Everyperson to the world, so that we have no illusions about what our neighbors really think.

El Pinche December 6, 2011 at 1:39 am

OMG….the stupid….it's too much…grammar breakdown….IQ drops by 20. GAGRRGHGG!!

Negropolis December 5, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Not sure how this fits in, but an interesting piece of information El Mirage, a little old suburb that went from a population of about 7,600 in 2000 to nearly 32,000 as of 2010:

El Mirage is near Luke U.S. Air Force Base, the largest Fighter Pilot Training Base in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), and can boast that it has the highest paid city manager per capita in the Phoenix, Arizona metropolitan area

PalinzADummy December 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Sure, if Eric Holder could ever be bothered to cease hounding elderly cancer patients for smoking marijuana.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Only my unflagging faith in you as the most appropriate and cruel Final Arbiter keeps me going past this story.

Thank you.

PalinzADummy December 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Damn, that boy's got a whole lotta not-busy goin' on.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: