FLOTUS FILES  12:44 pm December 5, 2011

Michelle Obama Reads Christmas Stories With Kermit, Malia Acts Bored

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you... ‘Twas the Christmas Tree-Lighting Time at the White House last Thursday night, and this year’s theme was “Controversy and Nostalgia.” Controversy, because for the first time since the debut of Dallas, there was a new tree at the White House. (The old one got knocked down by winds or Katrina or something, and the new tree is a gay terrorist tree, from New Jersey.) Americans like their traditions, so this was a risky move, but luckily the Olds were entertained by Muppets and that Carson character from the MTV Total Request Live. Our lovely FLOTUS was the star performer, of course. She read a story with Kermit the Frog, which delighted everyone, except Malia Obama, whose life is now ruined.

Michelle Obama sat down with Kermit to read Christmas classic, “A Visit From St. Nicholas” for the children on Thursday night, and there was of course the regular dose of charming banter that we have come to expect from our FLOTUS.

“You can call me Michelle,” President Barack Obama’s better half told her new felt friend.

“That’s really nice of you,” replied Kermit. “I have to call Miss Piggy ‘Your Majesty.’”

But one member of the Obama family was apparently VERY ANNOYED by this whole thing. Hint: It was not Barack Obama. Barack Obama was very amused.

Her dad might be the leader of the free world, but 13-year-old Malia is like any other teenager and squirmed with embarrassment when her mother took to the stage with Kermit the Frog.

The President watched his wife and muppet with obvious delight, but Malia, looked frankly unimpressed at her mother’s stage appearance, even though there were performances from Black Eyed Peas and Ellie Goulding.

More likely, Malia was unimpressed by her father’s “obvious delight” with story time. Or the lack of Justin Bieber. [MSNBC/Irish Independent]

 
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{ 106 comments }

Barb December 5, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Barack was heard muttering, "So we might as well do it now; pull off the Band-aid, eat our black eyed peas" much to Fergie's delight.

Buckminster December 5, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Teenagers, even when they have a president for a dad, will be teenagers. I'm surprised she didn't roll her eyes and say, "whatever."

justkillmenow December 5, 2011 at 12:52 pm

That is exactly what I was picturing! My experience with teens is limited to my neice and nephew – either bored by everything or eating everything.

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Barry was remembering when they played "Puppets"…

(I'll be back in a bit…)

paris biltong December 5, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Malia's comments on MyLifeIsAverage are borderline disrespectful.

danadevin74 December 5, 2011 at 12:52 pm

There are plenty of pictures of Malia having a good time
Do you really expect her to smile 24/7?

Fare la Volpe December 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Hun, this is the conversatard media, so of course.

Then again if she smiled all the time they'd attack her for mocking the plight of the unemployed in our nation.

Mahousu December 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm

No, not once the unbearable pressures of teh socialisms has gotten to her.

JustPixelz December 5, 2011 at 1:38 pm

If I were her, I'd keep it all bottled up inside with a tight cork. So this doesn't happen again:

Beck … mockingly affected Malia’s voice, asking “Daddy” why he “hates black people so much.” Then Beck attacked Malia’s intelligence, saying: “That’s the level of their education, that they’re coming to – they’re coming to daddy and saying ‘Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?’ “

Or this from Limbaugh:

Now, why, since Obama just described this wonderful system where his two daughters — his two fat daughters — came down with some sort of a disease and had to rush them to the emergency room….

Extemporanus December 5, 2011 at 12:52 pm

It's not easy being teen…

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Very punny!

Extemporanus December 5, 2011 at 2:16 pm

BARACK-A WOCKA!

Maman December 5, 2011 at 2:43 pm

My teens are barely surviving their adolescence out of the public eye. In it must be excruciating.

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm

So now the President has endorsed frog-on-pig marriage? Santorum was right!

MildMidwesterner December 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Q: What's green and smells like pork?

A: Kermit's fingers.

he he he….

Fare la Volpe December 5, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Q: What's green and smells like shitty pork?

A: His dick.

Chillwaver December 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

“That’s really nice of you,” replied Kermit. “I have to call Miss Piggy ‘Your Majesty.’”

Kermit, look, you can put lipstick on a pig…

Blueb4sunrise December 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

€17 for a Wash, Blow Dry & Conditioning Treatment at Salon 19, Dublin 2 (value €35)

I am so THERE!!!

justkillmenow December 5, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Are those the Muslin Christmas colors on that tree?

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

nope. Socialist.

LesBontemps December 5, 2011 at 1:29 pm

No, Kenyan.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:23 am

Nope. All of them, Katie.

freakishlywrong December 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Once again, the conservatives have proved right when they call Michelle an uppity Ameriduh hater. They have empirical evidence that the Muppets are pinkos out to destroy our freedumbs with tyranny. Faux is all over it.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 1:22 pm

No question about it … Miss Piggy is shamelessly pink.

ChernobylSoup December 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

An event for children and Jack Black didn't show up and shove his annoying mug in every frame? Secret Service gets a bonus this year.

BarackMyWorld December 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm

He's still mad at the Muppets for kidnapping him and making him do their telethon.

SayItWithWookies December 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Hell, if the Black-Eyed Peas aren't mortified at their own performances, nobody should be mortified at anything. Or maybe she was just peeved because, like many 13-year-olds, she was trying not to be noticed, which would be pretty damn hard to do when a possel of reporters were taking your picture and pretending they knew what you were thinking.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:28 am

The Black-Eyed Peas are that group you want to do well because they are so incredibly earnest and serious about their work, but who, try as they might, only produce mediocre, feel-good, safe party anthems.

mavenmaven December 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm

"Aww dad… muppets are for LITTLE kids of boomer parents with annoying nostalgia issues…"

ChernobylSoup December 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Funny, I thought the Muppets were for little kids of Gen X parents with annoying nostalgia issues.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Muppets are for everybody who's not aged 13-16.

BerkeleyBear December 5, 2011 at 1:46 pm

And some people who are.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 2:27 pm

True … even the most jaded teener has to laugh at this routine..

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Considering that "kids" with boomer parents are mostly in our 30s, that's not really the case.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Malia's problem is that she's not old enough to appreciate what the effects of hallucigens and watching The Muppet Show.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:29 am

I would think the Muppets are for the ADULT kids of boomer parents.

edgydrifter December 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Malia should try heavy substance abuse. The Bush girls always looked like they were having a grand time. Yelling "WOOOOO!!!" at state funerals might have been a bit much, but they are spirited young ladies full of spirits.

Generation[redacted] December 5, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Why hasn't Kermit been invited to moderate a GOP debate yet? Are they saving the best for last?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Kermit has his dignity.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 1:49 pm

There's not enough "green" in the whole US of A to entice Kermit to moderate a GOP debate.

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Oh please. Animal would be so much more fitting.

finallyhappy December 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Why is there another debate this weekend???? And how idiotic does George Will sound about Rick Perry- even admitting his wife is paid to be an advisor(And she must be one crappy advisor given his performances). Admit it, Will, Perry is a moron!

Mumbly_Occupado December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Because he's a commie, haven't you heard?

Note that by this definition, A Christmas Carol -both Muppet and Dickens versions-are now *literally* the same thing as the Communist Manifesto. Also too the Superman comics.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:30 am

'Cause Kermit, like most of the other muppets, is a filthy liberal?

mavenmaven December 5, 2011 at 1:01 pm

On the other hand, Herman Cain asked Miss Piggy if she needs some money to uh pay the rent?

BarackMyWorld December 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm

13 Year Old Embarrassed by Parents.

In other news: Chargers Plan to Win Game by Scoring More Points than Jaguars.

Fare la Volpe December 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Why are we letting cars and jaguars on the football field?!

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Its Car v. Car in this one…
(Like the Revolutionary War… British v. American)

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Is water still wet, too?

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:33 am

In other news: Lions plan to lose game by physically stomping out all other players.

Lede: Suh crashes another car into another tree.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I'd love to meet Kermit. Kids these days don't know entertainment OR music. Now get off my lawn before I call your parents!

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 1:23 pm

And I'm not gonna give you back the baseball you accidentally threw over my fence!

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 1:33 pm

It's MY baseball NOW!

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:33 am

**turns on the sprinklers**

DahBoner December 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

A little girl yawns during a Xmas story?

THE WAR AGAINST CHRISTMAS HAS GONE NU-CLEAR!!!!

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Muppets, all that inner species dating. I don't care what frogs ,and pigs do in private I just don't want the kids to see it.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 1:27 pm

One-L says Kermit is free to marry any (female) frog he wants to. That's what makes America so exceptional.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 1:43 pm

If frogs, and pigs are allowed to marry it will mean the down fall of the west.Whats next Frog/Pig Adoption? Special rights for Frog/Pig couples?

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 1:57 pm

But Bert and Ernie still can't marry.

El Pinche December 5, 2011 at 1:54 pm

There are no rules in the muppet kingdom.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 2:11 pm

So your saying Frog/Pig couples are not a choice they're born that way?

Goonemeritus December 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

The tree came from New Jersey, I spent four years living in Hoboken and from my memory they don’t have a lot of trees to spare. This seems like a radical redistribution of trees to me.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 1:28 pm

It's OK … they promised not to take the other one.

James Michael Curley December 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I told you those Muppets were liberal, socialist loving toadies.

PhilippePetain December 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Aw, I sympathize with Malia. It's rough when you finally realize everything around you seems to be a happy facade slapped on top of a reality underpinned with want, despair, and hopelessness. Luckily, it's justa phase and she'll soon grow out o…… oh wait no, everything's fucked, even Kermit.

ThundercatHo December 5, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Malia, honey, if you think your parents are embarrasing just thank your lucky stars that Dog The Bounty Hunter is not your dad and (what's her name, boob n' nails) your mom.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:35 am

Beth. I'm amazed that she can stand upright without tipping over, let alone run after crooks.

DerrickWildcat December 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm

The Black Eyed Peas are a very good band. They make the kinds of musics that everybody likes. It's all about having fun and doing fun things. They do not make music about bad things that people who want to have fun do not want to hear. Like if Doritos makes a commercial with people having a fun time eating Doritos, The Black Eyed Peas would write a special song for the commercial about people having a good time eating Doritos.

Fare la Volpe December 5, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I want to lick your brain.

DerrickWildcat December 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Thank you…I think.

finallyhappy December 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I just heard the expression "lama lickers"- people who come from the West(US/Europe) to visit Asian gurus

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:36 am

When I feel that humanity is failed, you make me smile, with your little cat on your little head.

Callyson December 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Here's hoping she looks just as bored on November 6, 2012. "Oh great, four more years in the same room…"

widestanceshakedown December 5, 2011 at 1:51 pm

She should cheer up, because if Newt wins, she's gonna have to sleep in the janitor's closet and learn to work.

freakishlywrong December 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Ugh. Wake me when Malia makes a sangwich outta Kermie and puts Dijon mustard on it. I mean, who does that?

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm

The bagtards can say what they want about Obama, but he's faithful to his wife, his kids, even when being sullen, are adorable, and he pays his fucking taxes godammit.

LesBontemps December 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm

What kind of Eid celebration is this?

owhatever December 5, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Malia is a silent commando in the war against Christmas.

YouBetcha December 5, 2011 at 1:41 pm

These people have too much class. It makes me a little uncomfortable. Someone bring back the dry drunk, his Stepford wife, and trashy daughters, please. Thanks.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I'm beginning to see where that whole "Not real Americans" thing is coming from.

donner_froh December 5, 2011 at 1:42 pm

I wonder how the Secret Service deals with the foot stomping, door slamming, storming out exits that happen so often at that age.

YouBetcha December 5, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Taser.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I wish those were around when mine was that age.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Aw, look, Malia and the other one may be bored, but ol' Hopey's still a li'l kid at heart!

Sharkey December 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm

So they could only afford the one Muppet because of budget cutbacks or something?

finallyhappy December 5, 2011 at 3:46 pm

yeah, they had Elmo at the Kennedy Center Honors last night. They have to parcel out the big bucks that Muppets get!

Ducksworthy December 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I'm looking forward to President Newtie being entertained by the muppets and then being mistaken for one of the cast when the entertainment's over.

Dudleydidwrong December 5, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Yeah. That stick up his ass is a dead giveaway.

johnnyzhivago December 5, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Was there a mac and cheese buffet?

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Full disclosure, I will be having dinner with Frank Oz and MrLimeyLizzie in NYC in a few weeks,I am very excited, he is also a Limey.

James Michael Curley December 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Be forewarned Frank Oz is the only known survivor of "The World's Funniest Joke".

finallyhappy December 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Truly awesome- I do love the Muppets!

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 3:52 pm

I've met him before and he is such a lovely man.

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm

If this is the Dr. Oz with the daytime TV know-it-all Show, I am unimpressed. If it isn't, nevermind. In fact, nevermind anyway, I'm just a cranky old man, enjoy your luncheon.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm

No, Frank Oz of Muppets fame.

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Thanks! Being an uninformed doofus, I'm only slightly more informed than earlier, but I appreciate the effort; I need all the help I can get.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm

I would spit in the soup of that Dr.Oz person, so I am glad it's not him.

LionHeartSoyDog December 5, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"…the leader of the free world…"

What is this free world they speak of, and how much does it cost to get in?

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Thirteen years old? Have you no memory, Blair? We're lucky she wasn't popping her gum or chewing her nails, fer Chrissakes.

DemonicRage December 5, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Newt won't have any children at the White House Christmas Party. Calista will line up her cotton candy wigs on porcelain head wig stands, and the two of them will just drink booze straight out of the bottle.

not that Dewey December 5, 2011 at 7:43 pm

They don't look like Presbyterians to me.

FlownOver December 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Not to worry, Malia – the network offers should be starting to roll in any day now.

horsedreamer_1 December 5, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Menomana.

Negropolis December 6, 2011 at 1:20 am

Oh, Malia. You do not even know how cool Kermit the Frog is, and how cool it is that your mother gets to read with him and irreverently banter with him. You have to be an Old or Wannabe-Old to "get" the koolness of Kermit the Frog.

YouBetcha December 5, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Kids these days are hard to impress.

MozakiBlocks December 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I think I may have hurt something from laughing.

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