That's MRS. Flotus to you... ‘Twas the Christmas Tree-Lighting Time at the White House last Thursday night, and this year’s theme was “Controversy and Nostalgia.” Controversy, because for the first time since the debut of Dallas, there was a new tree at the White House. (The old one got knocked down by winds or Katrina or something, and the new tree is a gay terrorist tree, from New Jersey.) Americans like their traditions, so this was a risky move, but luckily the Olds were entertained by Muppets and that Carson character from the MTV Total Request Live. Our lovely FLOTUS was the star performer, of course. She read a story with Kermit the Frog, which delighted everyone, except Malia Obama, whose life is now ruined.

Michelle Obama sat down with Kermit to read Christmas classic, “A Visit From St. Nicholas” for the children on Thursday night, and there was of course the regular dose of charming banter that we have come to expect from our FLOTUS.

“You can call me Michelle,” President Barack Obama’s better half told her new felt friend.

“That’s really nice of you,” replied Kermit. “I have to call Miss Piggy ‘Your Majesty.'”

But one member of the Obama family was apparently VERY ANNOYED by this whole thing. Hint: It was not Barack Obama. Barack Obama was very amused.

Her dad might be the leader of the free world, but 13-year-old Malia is like any other teenager and squirmed with embarrassment when her mother took to the stage with Kermit the Frog.

The President watched his wife and muppet with obvious delight, but Malia, looked frankly unimpressed at her mother’s stage appearance, even though there were performances from Black Eyed Peas and Ellie Goulding.

More likely, Malia was unimpressed by her father’s “obvious delight” with story time. Or the lack of Justin Bieber. [MSNBC/Irish Independent]

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  • Barb

    Barack was heard muttering, "So we might as well do it now; pull off the Band-aid, eat our black eyed peas" much to Fergie's delight.

  • Buckminster

    Teenagers, even when they have a president for a dad, will be teenagers. I'm surprised she didn't roll her eyes and say, "whatever."

    • justkillmenow

      That is exactly what I was picturing! My experience with teens is limited to my neice and nephew – either bored by everything or eating everything.

  • DaRooster

    Barry was remembering when they played "Puppets"…

    (I'll be back in a bit…)

  • paris biltong

    Malia's comments on MyLifeIsAverage are borderline disrespectful.

  • danadevin74

    There are plenty of pictures of Malia having a good time
    Do you really expect her to smile 24/7?

  • Extemporanus

    It's not easy being teen…

    • jus_wonderin

      Very punny!

      • Extemporanus


    • My teens are barely surviving their adolescence out of the public eye. In it must be excruciating.

  • SorosBot

    So now the President has endorsed frog-on-pig marriage? Santorum was right!

    • MildMidwesterner

      Q: What's green and smells like pork?

      A: Kermit's fingers.

      he he he….

      • Fare la Volpe

        Q: What's green and smells like shitty pork?

        A: His dick.

  • “That’s really nice of you,” replied Kermit. “I have to call Miss Piggy ‘Your Majesty.’”

    Kermit, look, you can put lipstick on a pig…

  • Blueb4sunrise

    €17 for a Wash, Blow Dry & Conditioning Treatment at Salon 19, Dublin 2 (value €35)

    I am so THERE!!!

  • justkillmenow

    Are those the Muslin Christmas colors on that tree?

    • nope. Socialist.

      • LesBontemps

        No, Kenyan.

        • Negropolis

          Nope. All of them, Katie.

  • freakishlywrong

    Once again, the conservatives have proved right when they call Michelle an uppity Ameriduh hater. They have empirical evidence that the Muppets are pinkos out to destroy our freedumbs with tyranny. Faux is all over it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      No question about it … Miss Piggy is shamelessly pink.

  • ChernobylSoup

    An event for children and Jack Black didn't show up and shove his annoying mug in every frame? Secret Service gets a bonus this year.

    • BarackMyWorld

      He's still mad at the Muppets for kidnapping him and making him do their telethon.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hell, if the Black-Eyed Peas aren't mortified at their own performances, nobody should be mortified at anything. Or maybe she was just peeved because, like many 13-year-olds, she was trying not to be noticed, which would be pretty damn hard to do when a possel of reporters were taking your picture and pretending they knew what you were thinking.

    • Negropolis

      The Black-Eyed Peas are that group you want to do well because they are so incredibly earnest and serious about their work, but who, try as they might, only produce mediocre, feel-good, safe party anthems.

  • mavenmaven

    "Aww dad… muppets are for LITTLE kids of boomer parents with annoying nostalgia issues…"

    • ChernobylSoup

      Funny, I thought the Muppets were for little kids of Gen X parents with annoying nostalgia issues.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Muppets are for everybody who's not aged 13-16.

        • BerkeleyBear

          And some people who are.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            True … even the most jaded teener has to laugh at this routine..

          • MozakiBlocks

            I think I may have hurt something from laughing.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that "kids" with boomer parents are mostly in our 30s, that's not really the case.

    • GOPCrusher

      Malia's problem is that she's not old enough to appreciate what the effects of hallucigens and watching The Muppet Show.

    • Negropolis

      I would think the Muppets are for the ADULT kids of boomer parents.

  • edgydrifter

    Malia should try heavy substance abuse. The Bush girls always looked like they were having a grand time. Yelling "WOOOOO!!!" at state funerals might have been a bit much, but they are spirited young ladies full of spirits.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Why hasn't Kermit been invited to moderate a GOP debate yet? Are they saving the best for last?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Kermit has his dignity.

      • flamingpdog

        There's not enough "green" in the whole US of A to entice Kermit to moderate a GOP debate.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. Animal would be so much more fitting.

    • finallyhappy

      Why is there another debate this weekend???? And how idiotic does George Will sound about Rick Perry- even admitting his wife is paid to be an advisor(And she must be one crappy advisor given his performances). Admit it, Will, Perry is a moron!

    • Mumbly_Occupado

      Because he's a commie, haven't you heard?

      Note that by this definition, A Christmas Carol -both Muppet and Dickens versions-are now *literally* the same thing as the Communist Manifesto. Also too the Superman comics.

    • Negropolis

      'Cause Kermit, like most of the other muppets, is a filthy liberal?

  • mavenmaven

    On the other hand, Herman Cain asked Miss Piggy if she needs some money to uh pay the rent?

  • BarackMyWorld

    13 Year Old Embarrassed by Parents.

    In other news: Chargers Plan to Win Game by Scoring More Points than Jaguars.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Why are we letting cars and jaguars on the football field?!

      • DaRooster

        Its Car v. Car in this one…
        (Like the Revolutionary War… British v. American)

    • SorosBot

      Is water still wet, too?

    • Negropolis

      In other news: Lions plan to lose game by physically stomping out all other players.

      Lede: Suh crashes another car into another tree.

  • Baconzgood

    I'd love to meet Kermit. Kids these days don't know entertainment OR music. Now get off my lawn before I call your parents!

    • And I'm not gonna give you back the baseball you accidentally threw over my fence!

      • Baconzgood

        It's MY baseball NOW!

    • Negropolis

      **turns on the sprinklers**

  • DahBoner

    A little girl yawns during a Xmas story?


  • sbj1964

    Muppets, all that inner species dating. I don't care what frogs ,and pigs do in private I just don't want the kids to see it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      One-L says Kermit is free to marry any (female) frog he wants to. That's what makes America so exceptional.

      • sbj1964

        If frogs, and pigs are allowed to marry it will mean the down fall of the west.Whats next Frog/Pig Adoption? Special rights for Frog/Pig couples?

      • SorosBot

        But Bert and Ernie still can't marry.

    • El Pinche

      There are no rules in the muppet kingdom.

      • sbj1964

        So your saying Frog/Pig couples are not a choice they're born that way?

  • Goonemeritus

    The tree came from New Jersey, I spent four years living in Hoboken and from my memory they don’t have a lot of trees to spare. This seems like a radical redistribution of trees to me.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's OK … they promised not to take the other one.

  • James Michael Curley

    I told you those Muppets were liberal, socialist loving toadies.

  • PhilippePetain

    Aw, I sympathize with Malia. It's rough when you finally realize everything around you seems to be a happy facade slapped on top of a reality underpinned with want, despair, and hopelessness. Luckily, it's justa phase and she'll soon grow out o…… oh wait no, everything's fucked, even Kermit.

  • ThundercatHo

    Malia, honey, if you think your parents are embarrasing just thank your lucky stars that Dog The Bounty Hunter is not your dad and (what's her name, boob n' nails) your mom.

    • Negropolis

      Beth. I'm amazed that she can stand upright without tipping over, let alone run after crooks.

  • The Black Eyed Peas are a very good band. They make the kinds of musics that everybody likes. It's all about having fun and doing fun things. They do not make music about bad things that people who want to have fun do not want to hear. Like if Doritos makes a commercial with people having a fun time eating Doritos, The Black Eyed Peas would write a special song for the commercial about people having a good time eating Doritos.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I want to lick your brain.

      • Thank you…I think.

      • finallyhappy

        I just heard the expression "lama lickers"- people who come from the West(US/Europe) to visit Asian gurus

    • Negropolis

      When I feel that humanity is failed, you make me smile, with your little cat on your little head.

  • Callyson

    Here's hoping she looks just as bored on November 6, 2012. "Oh great, four more years in the same room…"

    • widestanceshakedown

      She should cheer up, because if Newt wins, she's gonna have to sleep in the janitor's closet and learn to work.

  • freakishlywrong

    Ugh. Wake me when Malia makes a sangwich outta Kermie and puts Dijon mustard on it. I mean, who does that?

  • The bagtards can say what they want about Obama, but he's faithful to his wife, his kids, even when being sullen, are adorable, and he pays his fucking taxes godammit.

  • LesBontemps

    What kind of Eid celebration is this?

  • owhatever

    Malia is a silent commando in the war against Christmas.

  • YouBetcha

    These people have too much class. It makes me a little uncomfortable. Someone bring back the dry drunk, his Stepford wife, and trashy daughters, please. Thanks.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm beginning to see where that whole "Not real Americans" thing is coming from.

  • I wonder how the Secret Service deals with the foot stomping, door slamming, storming out exits that happen so often at that age.

    • YouBetcha


      • GOPCrusher

        I wish those were around when mine was that age.

  • flamingpdog

    Aw, look, Malia and the other one may be bored, but ol' Hopey's still a li'l kid at heart!

  • So they could only afford the one Muppet because of budget cutbacks or something?

    • finallyhappy

      yeah, they had Elmo at the Kennedy Center Honors last night. They have to parcel out the big bucks that Muppets get!

  • Ducksworthy

    I'm looking forward to President Newtie being entertained by the muppets and then being mistaken for one of the cast when the entertainment's over.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah. That stick up his ass is a dead giveaway.

  • Was there a mac and cheese buffet?

  • Limeylizzie

    Full disclosure, I will be having dinner with Frank Oz and MrLimeyLizzie in NYC in a few weeks,I am very excited, he is also a Limey.

    • James Michael Curley

      Be forewarned Frank Oz is the only known survivor of "The World's Funniest Joke".

    • finallyhappy

      Truly awesome- I do love the Muppets!

      • Limeylizzie

        I've met him before and he is such a lovely man.

    • ttommyunger

      If this is the Dr. Oz with the daytime TV know-it-all Show, I am unimpressed. If it isn't, nevermind. In fact, nevermind anyway, I'm just a cranky old man, enjoy your luncheon.

      • Limeylizzie

        No, Frank Oz of Muppets fame.

        • ttommyunger

          Thanks! Being an uninformed doofus, I'm only slightly more informed than earlier, but I appreciate the effort; I need all the help I can get.

          • Limeylizzie

            I would spit in the soup of that Dr.Oz person, so I am glad it's not him.

  • LionHeartSoyDog

    "…the leader of the free world…"

    What is this free world they speak of, and how much does it cost to get in?

  • ttommyunger

    Thirteen years old? Have you no memory, Blair? We're lucky she wasn't popping her gum or chewing her nails, fer Chrissakes.

  • DemonicRage

    Newt won't have any children at the White House Christmas Party. Calista will line up her cotton candy wigs on porcelain head wig stands, and the two of them will just drink booze straight out of the bottle.

  • not that Dewey

    They don't look like Presbyterians to me.

  • Not to worry, Malia – the network offers should be starting to roll in any day now.

  • horsedreamer_1


  • Negropolis

    Oh, Malia. You do not even know how cool Kermit the Frog is, and how cool it is that your mother gets to read with him and irreverently banter with him. You have to be an Old or Wannabe-Old to "get" the koolness of Kermit the Frog.

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