The media seems to be reporting again that pissy jaundiced toddler Donald Trump has “announced” he is still considering a presidential bid as an independent, a thing he has been doing every couple of weeks ever since he dropped out of the Republican race in order to keep his awful teevee show. Why have the droll rantings of a vile charlatan once more been plucked from the ocean of political background noise to become “headline worthy?” Ha ha, the answer to that is probably a depressing doctoral thesis on American media, but for the moment let’s just say it’s because Donald Trump, cheap talking wig stand, is bizarrely accusing Ron Paul of being a “joke candidate” for possessing enough dignity to refuse to participate in Trump’s joke Republican debate.
There’s also a nice bit of tragicomedy in the idea that most of the GOP field is stacked sloppy with dupes who are so desperate that they would allow a potential rival third-party candidate to leverage a free commercial for himself as the mocking moderator of yet another one of their pointless debates, but any rate here is Donald Trump’s yammering on Fox and Friends via the Hill as he so earnestly works to fill the Herman Cain comedy void:
“Ron Paul’s not going to win. He’s got no chance…. He’s a joke candidate.
Here’s a man who doesn’t care if Iran has a nuclear weapon that can wipe out Israel. He doesn’t care. He says ‘Let them do whatever they want. They can make their own nuclear weapons’.
It’s ridiculous, so he’s not going to win, he’s not going anywhere, he’s cutesy, he’s got some nice, little slogans.”
So Ron Paul will not get Donald Trump’s endorsement! Which is good for Ron Paul, since today’s NBC News/Marist poll shows that a Trump endorsement is more likely to make Americans hate you more than ever. [The Hill]
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"It’s ridiculous, so he’s not going to win, he’s not going anywhere, he’s cutesy, he’s got some nice, little slogans.”
Just like you but sans the nice slogans then Donald?
And a fucking dirigible, don't dis the blimp, bitches!
The last time such a gathering of intellect occurred in this country was when Thomas Jefferson's horse dined alone.
You sure the gathering of intellect wasn't shoveled out of the stable the next day by one of Jeffersons stable hands (slaves)?
HORSE LIBEL!1!!
ROTFLMAO!
'Show us the birth certificate' is kind of a slogan, albeit a bit more 'lynchey' than 'cutesy'.
Oh that's rich.
But classy. Very, very classy.
ouch.
Newt is meeting with Donald right now. What an Algonquin round table that must be.
Is there an over/under on how many
strippersnew wife candidates are in attendance?"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows – marriage does."
I'm sure both Newt and the Hair can testify to that fact.
Which one's Dorothy Parker?
Olivia Munn?
Neither has anything remotely approaching Parker's legendary wit.
Dorothy Parker weeps.
Needz moar Harpo (honk honk)
That is Oprah spelled backwards, you know.
WIN
With everyone trying to piss in the corner.
He had better not be eating pizza with a f*ckin' fork!
I'm kind of worried about their meeting. Those two massive egos that close together may exceed some sort of critical mass of drama and self-attention generation.
Some kind of time-warp-continuum thingy could erupt.
"Tonstant Weader fwowed up"
"Algonquin roundtable". Brilliant and perfect!
More like the Algonquin J. Calhoun Roundtable, Chowder and Marching Society.
Or, the Knights of the Mystic Sea.
Every fly on those walls is going to need therapy for life, or 4 days, whichever comes first.
Oh, you think the flies are that stupid?
Tomorrow's the day, right, Barb? (Squeezes Barb)
I'll be watching for Jeffers' post.
he’s not going anywhere, he’s cutesy, he’s got some nice, little slogans
All of which can be summarized for The Donald:
You're fired!
Pot, meet Kettle. I do like the fact that he's going to piss off a lot of Paultards, thought.
Pot, meet Kettle.
Wouldn't Herman have to be in the mix somewhere for that saying to work?
Hell hath no fury like a Paultard scorned.
I think they're glad that someone mentioned Ron Paul.
I loved how they would descend on the comments here in 2008 whenever there was a post on Mr. Paul; it looks like they're all too lazy to register for IntenseDebate this time around there. There are other blogs where any mention of him still draws them like a moth to a flame.
They certainly do have the free time to undertake campaigns of internet posting.
Release the
KrakenBlimp!I think it's safe to say that Ron can rise above Trump. Because that's how blimps work. This is basic physics people.
Lot of Doritos going to go down!
Everything pisses off Paultards.
Ooooh. Scary.
Me too. Those guyz do not mess. I made a relatively innocuous comment about their Dear Leader in some forum recently, and was hounded for DAYZ. I'm hoping Donald earned himself a year of Libertarianutards screaming and crying outside his penthouse door.
Going into Starbucks just now, saw a Toyota Rav4 with a Galt-Reardon 2012 sticker. If any car deserves the IRA treatment, it's that.
"
…Donald Trump has “announced” he is still considering a presidential bid…"Donald Trump has “announced” he is still considering selling another reality show whose existing episodes have garnered zero syndication interest from teevee stations, and selling more books which will be immediately remaindered and pulped, and selling more courses at a "university" whose first incarnation has been sued into oblivion by the NYS Dept. of Education, and selling more real estate deals which have a long history of bankrupting investors and pauperizing vendors.
Yes, the Founding Fathers would heartily approve of yet another regressive Rethuglican wingtard using the sanctity of the highest office in the land for nothing more substantive than a merchandising campaign.
Palin. Trump. Gingrich. Cain. Have all been motivated not by a desire to serve, not by a desire to lead, not by a desire to unite the country, not by a desire to inspire the national discourse, but simply a desire to grift, and grift more, and continue to grift, in a national spotlight provided free of charge by the media.
If your sole desire is to grift, and get free traction for your grifting, you don't need ideas that make sense, you just need a publicist.
Sorry for ranting the obvious — wait! no I'm not!
"Palin. Trump. Romney. Gingrich. Cain. Bachmann. Have all been motivated not by a desire to serve, not by a desire to lead, not by a desire to unite the country, not by a desire to inspire the national discourse, but simply a desire to grift, and grift more, and continue to grift, in a national spotlight provided free of charge by the media. "
Which makes them fine and apt representatives of the GOP.
How do you have the psychic energy to be coherent about them? The mandrill in me just wants to fling shit.
Exactly. Memz is absolutely right, though. Well put!
Eventually, even a mandrill runs out of shit to fling, yaknow?
Truer words, memz, truer words.
Amen, Mem!
The Wigstand vs. The Paultards
This is going to end badly. Wait, I take that back. This is going to end nicely.
The Eyebrows vs. The Toupee. Only on Pay-per-view.
As evil war dwarf Henry Kissinger said about the Iran-Iraq war, the only regret is that one of them must lose.
As with everything else, Kissinger was wrong about that too.
Trump/Palin 2012!
Xtine OD for Secretary of Witchcraft
What has three boobs and two bad wigs, Alex?
Newt Gingrich.
I can see the three boobs part, but you can't convince me that ANY creature gave its life just so its pelt could wind up on either of those two fat heads.
"The Donald" – shit, they ought to just change his nickname to "The Dumbass"
I think Drew Carey should host the next debate in the "Price Is Right" format.
Whose Line Is It Anyway? might be more appropriate.
Wayne Grady playing the part of Herb Cain!
That's the title to Rick Perry's entire life, thus far.
I do NOT wanna see Newt's moobs bouncing as he is told to, "Come on down!".
People, please spay and neuter your GOP candidates.
win!
As I once said of a relatives cat, you oughta neuter the bastard twice considering his attitude. That would apply here as well.
ALL cats have attitude. It's what makes them so desirable as pets for people who hate the very notion of pettery. (Ask me, I have four, and they're ALL complete assholes.)
Just as well that Hermie has dropped outta the race then. He might get really confused when Drew yells, "Come on down!"
"Hey, that's my line, Drew-baby!"
When is Drew Carey going to join the GOP lineup as a candidate. He has just as much credibility as what they have now.
It would have considerably more dignity than The Donald's version.
One thing nobody has brought up about the Trump debate is that it's being broadcast on fucking ION TV! I guess the day of the debate they'll be taking a break from their normal programming of airing shitty, nauseating infomercials and Walker Texas Ranger reruns to instead airing, oh wait…
I'll say it again– Average ION viewer: "Is this uh, gonna cut into Mama's Family?"
"taking a break from their normal programming of airing shitty, nauseating infomercials"
Not really.
Self-reference was unnecessary. The Donald is always talking about himself.
"…he’s cutesy, he’s got some nice, little slogans.”
"… and a Helluva calendar… but heck, it takes like 100 of his eyebrows to make up one of these things I have on my head… whatever it is."
Two thumbs up
Is that really a spray tan? I have always assumed he has his own tanning bed given that his eyelids are as pale as a ghost and shaped like those protective goggles.
Isn't he due for another bankruptcy?
His lenders are. "Other people's money" is the magic ingredient for legalized scamming.
How many bankruptcies has he endured, not counting his perpetual moral one?
Let's see: Moral, financial, intellectual, marital bankruptcies. What has he missed?
Thanks to Pfizer Corp, he's missed sexual bankruptcy.
Umm…all of them, Kat…
If the shoe fits, brother. If the shoe fits.
Newt, with his puggy, bloated fat head and inflated sense of self, vulgar, ostentatious thrice married and..wait..were they photographed together?
Turds of a feather schlock together.
Like gold inlay and diamond accounts.
A pair of stubby-fingered vulgarians.
Someone, not me, needs to stick their wanger in that hole.
If by "wanger" you mean "hot curling iron," I agree wholeheartedly.
If by "wanger" you mean "pepper spray-coated, predator drone dildo", I agree wholeheartedly.
I believe the story here pretty much answers this question of yours.
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/69705.h...
"he’s got some nice, little slogans"
like: "I want to see the birth certificate,"
"I have people that actually have been studying (Obama's birth certificate)"
"His grandmother in Kenya said, 'Oh no, he was born in Kenya'"
and
"Can I file bankruptcy again?"
…and of course, "You're fired!"
Wonder when he's going to announce the findings of the Obama Birth Certificate investigation?
He will tease it to get people to watch his shitty TV show. Then it will turn out to be something like Geraldo opening the safe.
I think the results will be announced on a subscription basis. "You pay for the show or you don't know."
"[Ron Paul] is cutesy".
"Watching a grown man's eyebrows peel off is cutesy, it's erotic, it gives me an erection and when I get an erection believe me, it's the biggest, hardest, grandest erection ever!!!"
It's YUUUUUUGE!!!!
Do tell!
Paul blimps start bombing Trump Tower in 3, 2, 1…
"Quick… while Newt is still there."
Quick. What has The Donald ever touched that has NOT turned into a gauche spectacle of bloated excess?
Trump/Vulgarity 2012!
His bankruptcy filings?
His penis?
Talk about the pot calling the kettle Kenyan.
Which one's the joke candidate?….all of them, Katie.
But he's right! Ron Paul IS a joke! So is Bachmann! So is Ging–
Hmmmmmm….
Hey, what have you got against Ging…er White?
Gawd, these self-promoting idiots have turned the United States into a three-ring circus clown car.
They are all an embarrassment.
The word is "exceptional".
My God- what if one of them should WIN?
Donald Trump the game show host is criticizing a libertarian obstetrician for not being serious? This is like Stan Lee criticizing the new Mission Impossible movie for defying the laws of physics and common sense.
What a thwipp!
Well someone's not gonna be invited for a ride on the blimp.
Not for a round trip…
no blimpkin for The Donald.
Hopefully, it'll be the Hindenberg.
Calling this a clown circus is disparaging to clowns. It's like Jon Stewart, Colbert, Letterman, Conan, et. al. are paying the Donald to keep opening his gigantic, stupid pie hole.
The problem with the Donut (big round head; empty in middle) is that he is like his name, tRUMP: 80% RUMP and 20% low-t. Emasculated ass.
Donald and Newt: the Siegfried and Roy of celebrity politicians.
Where's Manticore when you really need him?
Its a giant shame that Montecore won't be there.
That is some stone cold cockatrice right there.
let’s just say it’s because Donald Trump, cheap talking wig stand
You will be hearing from the C.T.W.S. Association lawyer, K.B. Johnson (IF that is your real name!).
P.S. This will be the drunkest liver blog yet.
~
Donald Trump hosting a Republican Debate.Just when you thought the GOP couldn't go any lower.Why not just throw in the towel now GOP? Save America the embarrassment. Newt,or Mitt? For Republicans that must be like deciding which Dildo is going to hurt the least.
They're buying up all the lube.
I thought they'd be stealing it. Much more their style.
Silly me, I think the whole republican field is a joke on America. Which of the Koch's will win the bet and get $1.
This is just more proof that hair spray causes brain damage.
I read somewhere that Trump called Patriotic Ron Paul supporters pussies and homos and that he could kick everyone of their asses in a fight.
I Lol'd
and then he puked, hugged the bartender, and passed out.
Every time I think this whole circus just can't get any better…
It's ALL YOUR FAULT, isn't it? STOP THINKING!
I'm hoping Sarah Palin gets the next moderator job. Or Tarzan. Or, as Voltaire said, the Best of All Possible Moderators, Basil Marceau.
Marcel.
No, I think s/he means BasilMarceaux.com
That one just tries to hijack your 'puter. But, yes, I figured the perennial candidate was the one meant. I just still think Marcel would make the better moderator. For the LULZ, if nothing else.
Still working that birth certificate to gain the admiration of inbred, racist, giant hydroencephalitic headed, shitheels, everywhere.
aka his viewers
AKA, his base.
/fixed
"Shitheels," I like that, you have won Marx Marvelous' seal of approval in the category "Use of antiquated epithet that is the kind of thing my father used to say."
okay you assholes; irony is already dead. please stop pissing on its grave.
Which one of you guys is the joke commentor?
All of us, Katie.
In what respect, Radio?
I think tragicomedy is defined by wonkette having to choose a winner betwixt the r3volution blimp and the Don.
Ron Paul has something that Donald Trump with all his money can never have: real hair.
Yeah, but Trump's eyebrows are real, so tie.
Yeah and they're combed over his entire head.
Trump is fun because he is a gigantic dumbfuck, but he is too dumb to know what a giant dumbfuck he is. As a result, he doesn't feel it necessary to think about or edit what he says, he just blurts out whatever idiocy occurs to him, and there is idiocy occurring to him all the time.
So he and Newt are both men of ideas, then.
Thats exactly what I was trying to say.
Well, I'm not so sure about the men part.
Or, come to think of it, the ideas part, either.
But other than that, we're in complete agreement.
You've just described every robber-baron, ever. It's not that they are dumb (though some of them are), but that they completely lack empathy and don't care about a single thing they do or say.
Every now and then it's good to remember that this crew of maniacs and imposters, the bunch of them; Bachman, Gingrich, Perry, Trump etc. are actually vying to run the country, this is not some spectacularly bad reality TV series ginned up to provide background for our collective oxycontin nod, but is in fact real: these freaks and mental dwarves are serious. If you took a handful of acid 10 years ago and never came down you couldn't make this shit up.
It sometimes makes me wonder if maybe there is a God, and He's got these assholes cued-up for some comic relief. He's probably wetting His pants while crying with laughter.
So that's what's trickling down on us. Godpiss.
You haven't been reading your Upanishads, Geminisunmars. It says so right there.
Also, mushrooms are the result of Brahma's sperm landing on the earth.
Bet YOU'LL never eat a mushroom again.
Oh, I guess I'll continue to eat mushrooms, and, uh, other things.
That depends on your definition of the word "serious". Seriously grifting? Yes. Seriously running for President of the United States of America? No.
This debate is gonna have the classiest podiums EVAR.
a Trump endorsement is more likely to make Americans hate you more than ever.
Close. Trump's endorsement is the gift that keeps on giving, like a scorching case of venereal warts.
You say venereal warts, I say "ribbed for her pleasure"
An oral argument to be sure
Ewww, just Ewww.
Yeah, you just sealed it. What the FUCK are you and EQ trying to do, anyway, ruin what's LEFT of my sex life?
A recent New Hampshire poll showed Republicans were twice as likely to not like a candidate Mr. Trump endorsed as they are to support one he ignored.
Boy, did that fact set him off over at MSNBC.
Thanks a LOT, eq. I NEVER want to have sex again, with ANYthing, now.
When I think of Donald, I think of Jamie Lee Curtis' lines directed at Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda: Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Subtlety is stupid.
That movie still cracks me up every time I watch it.
It is one of the greats.
"He's so stupid, he thinks the Gettysburgh Address is where Lincoln lived."
"…he thinks Grape Nuts is an STD."
Grape Nuts IS an STD. You ever have your balls turn purple and pop out all over?
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
There were zwei peanuts, walking down the straße, und one was assaulted … peanut
Ha.
Each journalist only read one word of the transcript of the debate, so as not to be killed by reading the whole transcript. One of them saw two words of the transcript of the debate and had to spend a few weeks in hospital.
Vere does der Fuhrer keep his armies?
In his sleevies!
I must be on the intellectual level of a kindergardener (inadvertant inappropriate German tie-in), because I laughed at that really, really hard.
It's important that we all retain a child-like perspective, or else we will surely go insane.
Hey, that's MY joke, ntD.
Sorry. It's not my fault! Teebob set me up!
Didn't understand a word, aber Gott in Himmel, it sure sounded dirty.
Totally OT, but had to share: a genius Alaskan hops in his truck and drives off to find out "how far north" a road he's never been on will take him — in a snowstorm . He avoided a Darwin award only by eating his frozen beer.
You can't make this stuff up. You just can't.
I bet he wanted a Snuggie in the midst of all that snow.
I lived in Alaska in the early 80's. Sadly, this is a normal occurence.
The peculiar thing is, there are still Alaskans alive to continue these wretched experiments.
When he going to declare his candidacy for the republican nomination?
Maybe for 2016. He has to serve as Alaska's governor for a half term to get some experience.
I'll be he was trying to jump over the moon.
OMFG He's too stupid to die.
Obviously, since he survived the experience.
Trig drives now.
That's what happens when you leave kids alone at home unattended with the car keys.
And even if you could, you wouldn't want to. Dear Jeebus on a stick.
Honestly, the best part about that is that he was eating frozen Coors Light, a light "beer" whose marketing campaign has since time immemorial hinged on the fact that, when you refrigerate it, it is then cold.
Which is of course still better than Bud Light, whose recent slogan translates as, "It's fit for human consumption."
I think you're overstating Bud Light's claim. "Drinkable" doesn't imply that it's fit for consumption. Just that it can be poured down the throat. By that standard, anti-freeze and toluene are also "drinkable".
I hope he had the new Coors Light, which tells you when it's really fucking cold.
Snark all you want, but thank God for beer is all I have to say.
{NRA logic} This episode shows why everyone should carry concealed beer at all times. {/NRA logic}
If Gingrich is the stupid man's idea of what a smart person sounds like (thx Krugman), than Trump is the poor man's idea of………….
… someone with class.
I have known some rich folks in my time, and they realized early on that they didn't need to be dicks to get what they wanted. One woman in particular was the sweetest person (customer at the time) I have known.
Trump is so much hot air I want to punch him repeatedly.
Orly Taintz?
Easy. A successful businessman.
something that resulted from millions of years of evolution. (Jezus, what a sorry result!)
A tied-off used condom.
(I scored in the 94th %ile on the Miller Analogy Test!)
It’s clearly past time for the President to bitch slap Trump again.
It’s clearly past time for the President to bitch slap Trump again.
Knowing Bams, he's saving it for delivery at a time when it will REALLY make Teh Donald squirm.
Mr Geminisunmars and I have often averred that we are living in an alternate (and bizarro) universe ever since the 2000s elections. Pretty much everything that has happened since is improbable. The Adjustment Bureau has pretty much gone off the rails.
Dammit! Is THAT what the problem is?
How do we get back to our OWN universe?
The Art of the Squeal.
I only hope that responsible parents everywhere, when confronted with one of their spawn throwing a walled-eyed tantrum as a result of being denied a pricey toy, will whip out a photo of Donald Trump and say, "AND THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL TURN INTO IF I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT, YOU LITTLE SHIT."
I'm proud of my thick, full head of hair. Lemme tell ya if my parents had tried that on me, I would have shut up right quick and behaved. NOBODY wants to end up looking like Teh Donald, not if they have any choice about it.
Holy shit — the idea factory at work: Trump and Newt want to start an apprentice program for poor, inner-city youth. Slogan, "Mop harder!"
“We need to work very hard to help poor children in poor neighborhoods acquire opportunities to work and I have asked him to take one of the poorer schools in new york and basically offer at least ten apprenticeships to kids from that school to get them into the world of work and get them into an opportunity to earn money and get them into the habit of showing up and realizing that effort gets rewarded and that America is all about the work ethic.”
Sure, why teach kids how to learn when you can add to the labor pool and make them miserable and beaten down instead? Fuck Newt and Donald both.
Recess is socialism!!
Shoot, just send the
budding slavespoor "urban" kids"apprentices" down to Alabama. Lord knows those crops aren't going to pick themselves.After the summit today, Gignrich and Trump announced a joint plan to select 10 “apprenti,” as Trump put it (the actual plural of “apprentice” is “apprentices”) from New York City’s schools to work for the reality TV star. “It was Newt’s idea and I thought it was a great idea,” Trump said at a joint press conference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RSDDRgUYYQ&fe...
If any advanced civilization has been paying attention to this planet I really doubt they'd care to contact us.
Are you fucking kidding me, they probably have something like the equivalent of one of those LOUD alarm-type thingies, you know, get within X lightyears of our solar system and a warning light/sign/blare equivalent goes off: WARNING! WARNING! DANGER. APPROACH ANY CLOSER AND YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE.
Something like that.
Who will teach the rich kids a work ethic- or ANY ethic, for that matter?
They got their work ethic right there in their pockets.
I got work ethic that jingle-jangle-jingles
As I go riding merrily along …
Ethic? We don't need no stinkin' ETHIC.
And the horse they rode in on.
Somebody needs to tell these egomaniacal bastards that the children of the poor are not their personal slaves to do with as they wish. What a pair of turds!
I am really getting tired of this. What bothers me is that there does need to be more vocational training. One of the biggest mistakes this nation has made with in primary schooling is telling every kid that they should go to college. Belive it or not, there is shit that needs to be made, and people shouldn't feel like failures for wanting to work with their hands. Too often, we treat VERY valuable jobs as fallback jobs, something that you have to fail and drop out of college or high school to get. That devalues the prestige of these jobs.
But, the thing that drives me crazy is that they promote this shit out of a cynical need to make poor people their slaves. It also assumes the lie that poor people (read: black and brow people) are inherently lazy. It just drives me fucking crazy. It's racist, it's cynical, and it cheapens a nugget of a good idea stuck in the pile of shit.
Many Mighty Upfists!
Merci, danke, gracias and thanks!
My pleasure, Brilliant Little Brother!
If Newt can get Donald Trumps endorsement, that will give him the Powerful Comb-over voting block !
All three of them.
Now that Trump is back in the news, I'd like to restart my campaign to bring back "Short fingered vulgarian" as a modifier for the noun/verb/adjective "Trump"
"Stubby-fingered." That sounds just as vulgarian as Trump.
Donald Chump has a new book out today. Over on Amazon, there are already nine 5- and 4-star reviews.
Eight from people who haven't posted on Amazon before today.
I guess Ole Newt's Twitter followers are also speed readers!
Or is this the work of Lou Sarah and her tribe?
I am and Author myself, a Business Man, hold two PhD's and a J.D, and have been involved in politics in one form or another and found that Trumps read on Obama, and what Obama has done to this Nation, is dead-on.
…
Trump has performed and outstanding job bringing the Obama/Liberal/Progressive/Democrat Record/Agenda to light and I am sorry that Liberal/Progressive/Democrats don't like there own record.
Might want to sue Cracker Jack for those multiple degrees.
Don't tell me, he invented Post-Its, right?
Romy/Michelle 2012!
Please tell me that you wrote these, in the spirit of irony. Or are you not an Author or Business Man?
That's "and Author or Business Man" to you, buddy.
Interesting that so few of the rave reviews are from "Real Name" reviewers…
Baconzgood will tell you that spelling skills are not necessarily correlated to acquisition of PhDs or JDs, for that matter.
Although I must confess that that particular fellow's turn of phrase borders on … memorable.
The Donald: Do you have a scandal in your past that might harm your candidacy? I personally have a whole bunch, but the Republican boneheads will never notice. I could buy and sell all of you.
The Newt: Just as Count von Bleiber owned a few slaves, all of us, even Jesus, occasionally did shameful things that the biased liberal media, as they did in 1823, can take out of context, being ignorant of the Ninth and Fifteenth Amendments, thus propelling the minor event like the Great Coal Miners Strike in Cardiff in 1914 into a Roman Catholic-Mormon bicycle.
Wow, Newt's grasp of history is amazing!
Tell me, which peer-reviwed history journals does he publish in?
Besides Backwater Georgia Community College Adjunct Professor Amateur Historian Journal and Fishwrap & Bird Cage Liner???
I hear they've rejected his last 436 submissions, though. So perhaps they're on the road to rehabilitation.
I do believe you done got Newtie's number. I have NEVER heard anyone use so many words to say so little.
Please let them keep this up right until the election. Please oh please…
Jon Stewart, is that you?
The irony bones in their heads were broken at birth.
They don't HAVE irony bones in their heads. Not enough room, with all the other bone taking up the space.
It comes as no surprise to this reporter that Ole Newt was the first candidate to say "Yes." The vanity candidate will go anywhere to speak to a crowd of one or more.
It would be hilarious if he's the only one to agree – he and Donald Chump could spend an hour interrupting each other.
"He’s a joke candidate."
To be fair to Donald, there are a LOT of people this applies to. Maybe he's just still going down the list and hasn't gotten to himself yet.
Donald Trump and Ron Paul in a pissing conteszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
So who besides Spewt and Frothy Mixture will show up for the Proctologist's Toll Booth Donald Trump's cyst side chat.
Miche1e will almost certainly be there flashing her crazy eyes.
Rick Perry will probably try to get there but instead end up confused and lost outside a Denny's in Nebraska.
You're assuming he can get out of his own state without getting lost. That's an unwarranted assumption, methinks.
Trump just said that Bill Ayers wrote Obama's first book — people have told him. And then he's having a pillow fight with Rove, because Rove allowed the End of Bush/Cheney to fall apart. What? I guess anything to sell a stupid book.
That would certainly explain why the style and turn of phrase is so very similar to all of Obama's previous and subsequent writings. Clearly, Bill Ayers is VERY underworked.
He is such a cunt of a man, with all due apologies to real, actual cunts.
Real, actual cunts are wonderful, warm, tasty, delicious things that can cause a person to experience several extreme states of delight, all at the same time. (sigh)
I'll be right back. Honest.
Donald Trump, cheap talking wig stand — best description ever!
Did Trump mention which candidate is the fake dog vomit joke?
Because that joke is frigging hilarious!
Actual cunts would agree with you. And, no insult taken. We're cool.
Welcome to the club, Ron Paul. Among the people The Donald has instigated feuds with just in recent years:
David Letterman
Jon Stewart
Jerry Seinfeld
Robert DeNiro
Lawrence O'Donnell
Rosie O'Donnell
Whoopi Goldberg
Bill Cosby
Jon Huntsman
An American Idol whose name escapes me
President Obama
Looking at the list, it contains only politicians and clowns, which is to say, only clowns. The short-fingered vugarian seems to have a narrow field of interest.
With the possible exception of Rosie, that's not bad company. I don't think Ron Paul's going to be all that offended
Maybe Krusty the Clown can host one next.
so a room was found and big enough to hold the world's two biggest assholes
Well, they did have to leave their egos double-parked outside.
Well, Trump's got one thing right: "The Jews" Control American Politics.
Oh, wait. I meant "The Israelis."
"The Jews" control the world's economy from that giant ice cave buried five miles beneath the polar ice cap.
SorrySorrySorrySorry.
Neilist Von Neilist
Racial Purity Desk
Wonkette Department of Eugenics
[P.S. NO IRISH NEED APPLY)
Yeah Donald Trump sure knows a lot about joke candidates!
Ron Paul is my favorite Republican (no, that's not really a compliment.)
Does Neut sing the high part at church?
This small-tent circus just won't go away.
Who better to class up the Republican nominee race than the Grand Champ of business investment fraud himself?
"SCAM VERSUS SCAM!
BUMBLE IN TEH GOP JUNGLE!
CLASH OF THE INANITY DELIVERY-SYSTEMS … ON 50 JUMBO PLASMA-SCREENS!
FIRST-LADY WANNABE MUD WRESTLING!
ANARCHO-CORPORATISTS! DEATH-CULT SNAKE-FONDLERS! RANDROIDS! STARCH!
SUNDAYSUNDAYSUNDAYSUNDAYSUNDAY! BE THERE! "
Yiss? Details, details.
I know you only have Li'l Suzie notthatDewey to practice on, so you don't get to see the incredible hilarity that ensues when parents (with all the weight of years of experience behind them) psych their kids out with guilt trips.
But that's one of the inevitable responses. First, the kids apologize. Then, they blame the nearest sibling.
How IS LSntD? Enjoyed her Fourth Txgiving?
Truffles, chanterelles, and maybe shitake. Sauteed in butter. Is that detailed enough?
5th thxgiving. We start counting at year 0.
jk. She loved it. She said "grace", which she copped from the cartoon Madeline, and insisted that everyone hold hands: "we love our bread, we love our butter. but most of all, we love each other."
We had a freak snowstorm today — no school, daddy didn't have to go to work. The snow was too dry to make snowmen, so we just ate some instead. My office mate had a couple saucer sleds; we drove up to the golf course and sledded until our feet fell off.
Tart. What YOU need, young woman, is some hot-and-frenzied chasing around the furniture.
Yummm. Mushroom tart. That sounds good. Eh, I'm too old for anything hot-and-frenzied on or near furniture. But thanks for the thought. It kind of perks me up.
Oh, c'mon. We'll amble around the furniture, then.
After all, it's the thought that counts, right?
I'm going to risk my curmudgeon street cred here and admit that they are VERY huggable when they're Li'l Suzie's age. They're so affectionate and uninhibited, and there is nothing sweeter than an armful of squealing little girl. I envy you, having such a wonderful little inspiration around. I used to take my best friend's daughter on walks and to the park while her Mom worked (from home), and she was a sweet, affectionate child, very huggy, and immensely entertaining. I think it's that grave air they have at that age. They take everything so very seriously, and are full of these strange and wonderful insights. Almost makes you wonder if they're channeling some sort of cosmic consciousness. I'm going to cherish the mental image of you and Li'l Suzie eating dry snow.
Thank goodness, no. What about Moby Dick?
Okay. I'm astrally projecting myself to some furniture near you. We can astrally amble and fumble together. (Don't tell my Mister – or he might whoop my asstral.)
What he don't know won't hurt him, my lovely.
Last night was wonderful. Let's do it again sometime.
ZOMG, is that an STD TOO?
What happens, your dick turns white and gets as big as a whale?
True. Big hugs to a certain Li'l Suzie, and to her Mom and Dad.
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