SHOULD'VE SAID 'MADONNA'  10:18 am December 5, 2011

Bland Humanoid Romney Unsure Even of His Stance on Music He Likes

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Here is some hilarious archaeological evidence of hair gel-powered mannequin Mitt Romney’s lifelong struggle to convey a basic sense of humanity courtesy of the year 1994 when he was campaigning for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat: an energetic high school nerd interviewer lets candidate Romney rattle off his talking points before asking him whether he likes the music playing in the background, but Mittens looks like he’s just been asked a trick question: “Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.” Good save! How well did Mitt’s “think of me as an oversize blob of flavorless Jell-O” tactic work for him in 1994? (Hint: the answer is, Ted Kennedy won the race even in a year that overwhelmingly favored Republicans.)

Are we being a little unfair to Mittens? Why should we ask him to have convictions about music when we know he actually has no convictions about anything at all? Here’s from a delightful little piece the LA Times ran this weekend discussing Mitt Romney’s history of destroying jobs and bankrupting businesses to enrich himself and his investors:

Bain expanded many of the companies it acquired. But like other leveraged-buyout firms, Romney and his team also maximized returns by firing workers, seeking government subsidies, and flipping companies quickly for large profits. Sometimes Bain investors gained even when companies slid into bankruptcy.

Romney himself became wealthy at Bain. He is now worth between $190 million and $250 million, much of it derived from his time running the investment firm, his campaign staffers have said.

Bain managers said their mission was clear. “I never thought of what I do for a living as job creation,” said Marc B. Walpow, a former managing partner at Bain who worked closely with Romney for nine years before forming his own firm. “The primary goal of private equity is to create wealth for your investors.”

Maybe Mitt Romney likes when people take note that he does not seem human? It is more useful than all of them noticing he is actually just an awful human. [LA Times/YouTube via Wonkette video super-operative "Andrew K."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 112 comments }

paris biltong December 5, 2011 at 10:22 am

In an attempt to attract Cain supporters, he's probably now going to say he loves the Pokemon soundtrack.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Mitt needs to have Al Gore give him tips on how to loosen up.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Or Tipper Gore can introduce him to Dee Snider.

BklynIlluminati December 5, 2011 at 10:24 am

Wait he totally said he liked death metal and dressed up as Juggalo on the weekends! But sometimes he can chill to 80's rap especially Public enemy. 911 is a joke in my town YO!

Chichikovovich December 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

Kewl. Who would have guessed that Mitt Romney is down with the clown.

memzilla December 5, 2011 at 10:25 am

Here's another of Mittens' favorite tunes.

paris biltong December 5, 2011 at 10:31 am
Monsieur_Grumpe December 5, 2011 at 10:25 am

The only presidency that Mittens is qualified for is the Barry Manilow Fan Club.

Pragmatist2 December 5, 2011 at 10:30 am

You tread on thin ice when you snark Barry Manilow, my friend.

MildMidwesterner December 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

The Copacabana is kind of like a beach front White House.

tcaalaw December 5, 2011 at 7:01 pm

As someone with "Ultimate Manilow," on his MP3 player most-played-albums list, I feel confident in saying that Mitt couldn't handle the intensity.

Joshua Norton December 5, 2011 at 10:26 am

He's gonna improve his street cred by holding rap sessions at local Olive Gardens.

chicken_thief December 5, 2011 at 10:26 am

“Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.”

Oh, fucking great. So Common and Fifty Cent will become regulars at the White House if Mittens wins in '12?

freakishlywrong December 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

And strangely, the brass band that is "conservative media" will have no problem with this.

Biff December 5, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Common libel!

freakishlywrong December 5, 2011 at 10:27 am

Mitt Romney isn't people, my friends.

neiltheblaze December 5, 2011 at 10:27 am

I'll just bet he and the missus were stone headbangers back in the day.

chicken_thief December 5, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I believe Herm is the head banger of the current GOP crop.

Biff December 5, 2011 at 3:01 pm

They ALL make me bang MY head.

ManchuCandidate December 5, 2011 at 10:27 am

I am the Mittens Man

I've got a secret (not really)
I've been hiding
Under tan skin

My heart is golden
My blood is money
My brain 1%er

So if you see me
Talking strangely
Don't be surprised

I'm just a man who
Needs to be in charge
And axe lots of jobs
To keep me alive
Just keep me alive

DerrickWildcat December 5, 2011 at 10:28 am

I also like all of the musics. I really like the popular musics that you kids are all listening to now.

snackypants December 5, 2011 at 1:17 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

Pragmatist2 December 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

I ask myself this: Would I be better off if I knew what music Mitt Romney liked? And I answer myself: Shit, no.

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

"Hi Mitt, would you like a cup of coffee?"
"No thanks."
"How about a shot of whiskey?"
"Uh, No."
"Care for a cigarette?"
"I don't smoke. But I do have more money than I could ever spend… probably 10-20 times more… and I have some magic underwear on."
"Umm… OK… so tell me why I should back you in this election."
"Because I am an 'Every Man' kind of guy."

weejee December 5, 2011 at 10:30 am

Mittens has more ducks than the Horicon Marsh in Wisconsin.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Mississippi Flyway Libel!

mavenmaven December 5, 2011 at 10:30 am

"you'd be one of the top choices, definitely": a great title for a biography of Mitt Romney

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 10:31 am

Well, duh; calling business executives "job creators" is just a bullshit talking point that the right-wing pundits came up when they found people had a negative opinion of "rich douchebags". It's a move they pull all the time, changing the name of anything they support that proves unpopular, or anything liberals support that proves popular.

And speaking of rich douchebags – according to Fox News, The Muppets is liberal propaganda brainwashing your kids because the villain is a businessman. Really:
http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201112020036

chascates December 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Those two cranky old Muppet guys in the balcony are supposed to be Marx and Engels.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

I saw the Muppet Movie and I came out of the theater a Liberal. FOX News is right!!!!

paris biltong December 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Bah, humbug.

Master Janitor V572 December 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

It's great when one of the jerks in that article says, "Hollywood hates oil companies, they hate America," as if oil companies were America. While that is true in a functional sense, you're not supposed to say it out loud.

SorosBot December 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

They basically admit that it's all about the corporations to them; the welfare of average Americans doesn't matter, only big business.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Oil companies are people too, my friend.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

But the villian was one heck of a rapper!

jqheywood December 5, 2011 at 11:25 am

Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!

Joshua Norton December 5, 2011 at 10:31 am

“Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.”

Could you push the 14th floor for me please?

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Could you push me off the 14th floor, please?

/fixed

memzilla December 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

Mittens — like all of the GOP candidates — has more skeletons in his closet than Harvard Medical School. (h/t to PBS Newshour's Mark Shields)

jus_wonderin December 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

Anything by the Morman Tabernacle Choir.

DaRooster December 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

Romney's absolute favorite music?
Hair Metal… of course.

prommie December 5, 2011 at 10:34 am

I feel sorry for the Mittster. In the end, he looks and sounds mushy because he just can't bring himself to go Full Teatard. He just cannot do it, he actually seems to have some basic core of integrity that won't let him go all the way and pandern properly to the racist retards.

Now the guy that is handling things perfectly is Newty Gingrich. Sure, Newt might have just as "liberal" a past as Mitt ("Liberal" by Teatard standards) but the Teatards seem to forgive him for it because of his complete insanity. Mitt tries to span both sides of the conservative road (that spectrum of conservative thought that goes from fascist to batshit insane), but he never strays far from the middle. Newt, he might often be too far to the left for the comfort of the 'Tards, but when he veers right, whew, he goes right into the ditch, through it, and into the woods to the far right of the road. Child labor, Boys Town, whatever. And he plays it cool, hey these are just "ideas" he's throwing out, he's an "idea man," so he gets to throw meat to the right without totally alienating the middle.

freakishlywrong December 5, 2011 at 10:48 am

I saw a clip this a.m of MTP, (which is unwatchable), and it had that wingtarded editor of that wingnutty NH paper that the wingbillies mistook for a UNION endorsing Gingrich, and this wingass agreed with Newt about the child labor stuff/be a janitor, boy; saying it was very popular with the conservative base. You'd think at least one of the pundits would've have maybe asked him "what the fuck is wrong with the conservative base then?" But, sadly, no.

chicken_thief December 5, 2011 at 12:44 pm

"You'd think at least one of the pundits would've have maybe asked him…."

I admire your optimism.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:34 am

unrelated to this post:

Mizz Baconzgood Jr. (the intern), you will be missed.

Chichikovovich December 5, 2011 at 10:48 am

Was she in charge of monitoring Wonkette for new posts when you went out for a McRib or went to the bathroom?

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:56 am

I provided her a snark template a la Mad Libs

Michele Bachmann is such (Adj.) (Noun) that she (Verb) with a (Noun) and (Sexual Device).

Chichikovovich December 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

Ah, so that explains this one from two weeks ago:

Michele Bachmann is such vascular toothbrush that she subscribed with paradox and chastity belt.

I was scratching my head over that for hours.

Buzz Feedback December 5, 2011 at 10:36 am

This is not a bug in the RomneyTron 5000, it's a feature.

paris biltong December 5, 2011 at 10:36 am

Private equity firms want to create jobs as much as hedge funds do.

Joshua Norton December 5, 2011 at 10:37 am

He likes to get down and funky to "The Mormon Tabernacle Choir Sings Iggy Pop".

jqheywood December 5, 2011 at 11:30 am

Okay….the week is off to a wonderful start….I just snorted coffee all over my monitor & desk.

LesBontemps December 5, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Yeah, you should hear them do "Now I Wanna Be Your Dog(ma)."

donner_froh December 5, 2011 at 10:37 am

Bain managers said their mission was clear. “I never thought of what I do for a living as job creation,”
How shocking. And now you will try to convince us that prostitutes don't enjoy having sex a few times a day with men they don't know and are only in it for the money.

Chichikovovich December 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

Of course they're in it for the money. How else would they be able to pay their way through university and afford the life saving operations for her special needs child and chemotherapy for her mother.

neiltheblaze December 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

His favorite song is "Carbona, Not Glue"

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

Poor Willard Romney ,can't even decide what his own name is.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

Nice shirt dork!

Monsieur_Grumpe December 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

That is his Common Man™ shirt. He buys 365 of them every year.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:57 am

No that putz shirt on the kid.

Master Janitor V572 December 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

Hard to understand why Ken Cole didn't get that job at Fox News he was angling for, even before there was Fox News.

johnnymeatworth December 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

"Die When You Die" by GG Allin?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JatK7XKAKN8&fe

starfanglednut December 5, 2011 at 11:05 am

Will. Not. Watch.

johnnymeatworth December 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

Can't say as i blame you….

mookwrthwilson December 5, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I think for Willard his song "Assface" is more fitting.

horsedreamer_1 December 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Considering what's become of State College, Syracuse, C Street House, & Mary Kay Letourneau, GG seems positively progressive. I would much rather have him to my house for a family dinner, as opposed to Bernie Fine or John Ensign.

Baconzgood December 5, 2011 at 10:43 am

I couldn't hear the music, but I'm really hoping it was a G.G. Allen tribute band.

iburl December 5, 2011 at 10:43 am

Who Let The Dogs Out? Am I right, black kids? Woof! Woof! Woof!

Chichikovovich December 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

"Sometimes Bain investors gained even when companies slid into bankruptcy."

Of course they did!!! Bankruptcy is a tactic, not a bug, for corporations like Bain. It allows them to break contracts, loot pension funds, etc.

True story: A paper mill close to where I grew up was run by a huge international firm. You would recognize their name, and you almost surely have some of their products in your house. The paper mill was old, and rather than renovate it, they decided to shut it down. This would require breaking contracts with the union, since in the last negotiations they had committed to the mill staying open X years in exchange for wage concessions.
Labor law is far more labor friendly in Canada, so this would be a hard pledge to break.

I'm not sure of all the legal footnotes and manoevres, but the following story is accurate in its essentials. So they got what they wanted as follows: 1) Sell the plant to another company – call it PseudoBain – with no history of papermaking, but lots of history of shutting down factories, and toss in some debt too. 2) The PseudoBain pledges to keep the factory open at least for X years "if possible". 3) The key fact is that the guarantees to stay open (and the rather inflated pension fund) both have out clauses that require two things: a) bankruptcy b) a worker's strike. 3) PseudoBain waits two years until the next contract negotiation, and then does everything they can to provoke a strike, including laughable offers such as wages less than half of what the workers were receiving before. They could say: look, we have to cut this, look at all the debt we have! 4) The workers, rather naïvely in retrospect, go on strike. 5) Before you can say "Mitt Romney", PseudoBain declares bankrupcy, loots the pension fund to pay off the debts (including those from the original company that came with the original sale) shuts the plant, dissolves the subsidiary whose sole task was to be responsible for the plant, and goodbye. A good bit of business by everyone except for the isolated bush town (which will be a ghost town in 30 years with the sole employer gone) and the now unemployed pension-less workers.

So yes, companies can flourish via bankruptcy and that's why many companies aim for it.

V572 Tebow = Jeebus December 5, 2011 at 11:51 am

ABB FTW!

James Michael Curley December 5, 2011 at 12:05 pm

True story – Where I work. Our company sold a well known builidng products company to a willing buyer and withing four years the new company filed bankruptcy. As we still had more than a casual interest (our money was one the line in the form of non-collateralized debt advanced to the buyers so they could buy the company) I had to review every filing. Less than two months after the Master permitted the pension system to be sacked he authorized gigantic payouts to the principal executives as contracted for separation agreements. Just before the final Order was filed the same group of executives formed a new company and bought out the assets of the company they just got finished pushing through bankruptcy. Our money was never received, of course.

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 12:54 pm

If I had a dollar for every company that I've worked for that the same thing happened, well, I would have a few dollars.

glamourdammerung December 5, 2011 at 3:53 pm

But if you disagree with such unethical practices, you are worse than Hitler of course.

And teabaggers still can not get why normal folks at best pity them.

Nothingisamiss December 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

With fewer burdensome regulations, jobs will be created everywhere and unicorns will dance.

chascates December 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

Mittens was a big 'Up With People' fan, also hums along with the Swingle Singers.

LesBontemps December 5, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Donnie & Marie.

Pat_Pending December 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I think they were called "The Singing Swingles"

iburl December 5, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I think they changed their name recently to "Up With Corporations". Same deal.

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

Good grief. Mitt sounds like he's trying to give Tim Pawlenty a run for Sominex Queen.

mrblifil December 5, 2011 at 10:47 am

I don't know what Mittens Willard Excelsior the III listens to, but I'm about to stoke up "Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight" in his honor (Rezillos, not Fleetwood Mac).

ThundercatHo December 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

At Bain, fucking over the 99% is job 1.

prommie December 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

Okay, its time for a Wonkette Poll: Mitt Romney, beneath the human exterior, is he Kang or Kodos?

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2011 at 10:59 am

Yes.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 11:03 am

I have no idea what you are talking about, but he is such a big girl's blouse.

prommie December 5, 2011 at 11:04 am

Show us your Bristols.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2011 at 3:07 pm

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/

My breasts posed for these as Kim Kardashian wasn't around at the time and I was.

An_Outhouse December 5, 2011 at 11:45 am

definitely briefs. I mean boxers.

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

Mitt said his vice president would be Mormon Jesus.

PubOption December 5, 2011 at 3:25 pm

And wants to put the dollar back on the golden plate standard.

James Michael Curley December 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

For reasons nobody could figure at the time, Bain Capital decided to acquire the Guitar Center chain of stores. I don't exactly recall how I ended up on the ground floor of what turned out to be share price bonanza but it was nice. However what survived, including the store closest to me, my music friends now refer to as the Wal-Mart of music. The chain is still owned by Bain but what kind of guitar store would you expect it to be where you can't go in and buy a Martin?

An_Outhouse December 5, 2011 at 11:43 am

I've always envisioned Mittens as a Pat Boone kind of guy.

Boehneriffic December 5, 2011 at 11:43 am

I work for a company owned by Bain. I've been here 17 years. Bain, about 5. Their financial frippery makes me nervous as I don't want to look for a new job at 54 years of age. Maybe I should drop the booze budget and put it in my retirement fund.

Nah….

Neoyorquino December 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

In other archival video footage, Romney went on to say "I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Chris Christie, take off your robe."

joobajooba December 6, 2011 at 10:00 am

He just hasn't heard the right Frank Zappa album yet.

succalina December 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

Wait, I know that reporter! He is the autistic reporter from Onion News!
http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-c

SaintRond December 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Romney was never suited to be President. He's not a leader. He's more like those guys that used to work for Howard Hughes' Mormon Mafia in Las Vegas. Sometimes Howie's catheter would slip out and heroin would squirt all over the sheets and a guy looking just like Mittens (they're all fucking clones) would hurry in going, "Aww, gee whiz and shucks to boot, Mr. Hughes," and start dabbing up all the infection with some cotton and alcohol and stick it back in where it was supposed to go. And that natural talent is why the GOP establishment wants him so badly – he's a perfect bag man, which is exactly what Republicans in office are supposed to be.

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Spot-Fucking-On!

DahBoner December 5, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Whaaaaat?

Creating wealth for yourself is different than creating jobs?

HOLD UP! STOP THE PRESSES! THIS MY FRIENDS, IS NEWS..

SayItWithWookies December 5, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Mitt Romney is a man of principle, taste and convictions — any principle, taste and convictions you want.

flamingpdog December 5, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"Well, I like music of almost any kind."

Betcha he doesn't care much for this kind of music.

PhilippePetain December 5, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Lizard People/Automatons '12!

GOPCrusher December 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Was this Mitt's "All of them, Katie." moment?

rickmaci December 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Among many other things, one item that really stands out on this tape is Mitt is still using the same failed recycled talking points he used in 1994. F***, Mitt, you really need to get some new material.

ShitFilledExistence December 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm

It's a trip. It's got a funky beat and I can bug out to it!

sezme December 5, 2011 at 3:19 pm

You know who else seemed inhuman but was in fact just an awful human?

Pat_Pending December 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm

John Tesch?

iburl December 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

The Wizard of Oz?

Pat_Pending December 5, 2011 at 3:25 pm

"I like Einstürzende Neubauten, Doris Day, Edgard Varèse, and Richard Cheese…"

sbj1964 December 5, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Mitt Romney is such a Mormon Tight-ass;I bet when he farts only dogs can hear it !

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Mitt, fart? How dare you suggest such a thing! (clutches pearls, swoons onto fainting couch)

ttommyunger December 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

If Newt is a shit sandwich, and he is; Mittens is a bread and butter sandwich…A void within a vacuum in an empty vessel, zip, nada, nothing. The light is on, but nobody's home. He could be President for twenty years and nobody would know who he really was. He makes Vanilla Ice Cream look dicey. I could go on……

James Michael Curley December 6, 2011 at 5:51 am

Who you shoot to get that? ’74 is the year a friend and I wandered down to the Martin Factory to pick up his ‘Dreadnaught’. I’m sure he still has it. Late April, Nazareth to Pgh. in a 1947 MG-TC (I wish I still had that) , two guys with long hair, top down to accommodate the D-28 with case. How many times you think we got stopped.I’m more into early Western Protest Folk music e.g., That Hearst Weasel Lied.

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