should've said 'madonna'

Bland Humanoid Romney Unsure Even of His Stance on Music He Likes

Here is some hilarious archaeological evidence of hair gel-powered mannequin Mitt Romney’s lifelong struggle to convey a basic sense of humanity courtesy of the year 1994 when he was campaigning for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat: an energetic high school nerd interviewer lets candidate Romney rattle off his talking points before asking him whether he likes the music playing in the background, but Mittens looks like he’s just been asked a trick question: “Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.” Good save! How well did Mitt’s “think of me as an oversize blob of flavorless Jell-O” tactic work for him in 1994? (Hint: the answer is, Ted Kennedy won the race even in a year that overwhelmingly favored Republicans.)

Are we being a little unfair to Mittens? Why should we ask him to have convictions about music when we know he actually has no convictions about anything at all? Here’s from a delightful little piece the LA Times ran this weekend discussing Mitt Romney’s history of destroying jobs and bankrupting businesses to enrich himself and his investors:

Bain expanded many of the companies it acquired. But like other leveraged-buyout firms, Romney and his team also maximized returns by firing workers, seeking government subsidies, and flipping companies quickly for large profits. Sometimes Bain investors gained even when companies slid into bankruptcy.

Romney himself became wealthy at Bain. He is now worth between $190 million and $250 million, much of it derived from his time running the investment firm, his campaign staffers have said.

Bain managers said their mission was clear. “I never thought of what I do for a living as job creation,” said Marc B. Walpow, a former managing partner at Bain who worked closely with Romney for nine years before forming his own firm. “The primary goal of private equity is to create wealth for your investors.”

Maybe Mitt Romney likes when people take note that he does not seem human? It is more useful than all of them noticing he is actually just an awful human. [LA Times/YouTube via Wonkette video super-operative “Andrew K.”]

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  1. paris biltong

    In an attempt to attract Cain supporters, he's probably now going to say he loves the Pokemon soundtrack.

  2. BklynIlluminati

    Wait he totally said he liked death metal and dressed up as Juggalo on the weekends! But sometimes he can chill to 80's rap especially Public enemy. 911 is a joke in my town YO!

    1. tcaalaw

      As someone with "Ultimate Manilow," on his MP3 player most-played-albums list, I feel confident in saying that Mitt couldn't handle the intensity.

  3. chicken_thief

    “Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.”

    Oh, fucking great. So Common and Fifty Cent will become regulars at the White House if Mittens wins in '12?

  4. ManchuCandidate

    I am the Mittens Man

    I've got a secret (not really)
    I've been hiding
    Under tan skin

    My heart is golden
    My blood is money
    My brain 1%er

    So if you see me
    Talking strangely
    Don't be surprised

    I'm just a man who
    Needs to be in charge
    And axe lots of jobs
    To keep me alive
    Just keep me alive

  5. Pragmatist2

    I ask myself this: Would I be better off if I knew what music Mitt Romney liked? And I answer myself: Shit, no.

  6. DaRooster

    "Hi Mitt, would you like a cup of coffee?"
    "No thanks."
    "How about a shot of whiskey?"
    "Uh, No."
    "Care for a cigarette?"
    "I don't smoke. But I do have more money than I could ever spend… probably 10-20 times more… and I have some magic underwear on."
    "Umm… OK… so tell me why I should back you in this election."
    "Because I am an 'Every Man' kind of guy."

  7. SorosBot

    Well, duh; calling business executives "job creators" is just a bullshit talking point that the right-wing pundits came up when they found people had a negative opinion of "rich douchebags". It's a move they pull all the time, changing the name of anything they support that proves unpopular, or anything liberals support that proves popular.

    And speaking of rich douchebags – according to Fox News, The Muppets is liberal propaganda brainwashing your kids because the villain is a businessman. Really:

    1. Master Janitor V572

      It's great when one of the jerks in that article says, "Hollywood hates oil companies, they hate America," as if oil companies were America. While that is true in a functional sense, you're not supposed to say it out loud.

      1. SorosBot

        They basically admit that it's all about the corporations to them; the welfare of average Americans doesn't matter, only big business.

  8. Joshua Norton

    “Well, I like music of almost any kind, including this.”

    Could you push the 14th floor for me please?

  9. memzilla

    Mittens — like all of the GOP candidates — has more skeletons in his closet than Harvard Medical School. (h/t to PBS Newshour's Mark Shields)

  10. prommie

    I feel sorry for the Mittster. In the end, he looks and sounds mushy because he just can't bring himself to go Full Teatard. He just cannot do it, he actually seems to have some basic core of integrity that won't let him go all the way and pandern properly to the racist retards.

    Now the guy that is handling things perfectly is Newty Gingrich. Sure, Newt might have just as "liberal" a past as Mitt ("Liberal" by Teatard standards) but the Teatards seem to forgive him for it because of his complete insanity. Mitt tries to span both sides of the conservative road (that spectrum of conservative thought that goes from fascist to batshit insane), but he never strays far from the middle. Newt, he might often be too far to the left for the comfort of the 'Tards, but when he veers right, whew, he goes right into the ditch, through it, and into the woods to the far right of the road. Child labor, Boys Town, whatever. And he plays it cool, hey these are just "ideas" he's throwing out, he's an "idea man," so he gets to throw meat to the right without totally alienating the middle.

    1. freakishlywrong

      I saw a clip this a.m of MTP, (which is unwatchable), and it had that wingtarded editor of that wingnutty NH paper that the wingbillies mistook for a UNION endorsing Gingrich, and this wingass agreed with Newt about the child labor stuff/be a janitor, boy; saying it was very popular with the conservative base. You'd think at least one of the pundits would've have maybe asked him "what the fuck is wrong with the conservative base then?" But, sadly, no.

      1. chicken_thief

        "You'd think at least one of the pundits would've have maybe asked him…."

        I admire your optimism.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Was she in charge of monitoring Wonkette for new posts when you went out for a McRib or went to the bathroom?

      1. Baconzgood

        I provided her a snark template a la Mad Libs

        Michele Bachmann is such (Adj.) (Noun) that she (Verb) with a (Noun) and (Sexual Device).

        1. Chichikovovich

          Ah, so that explains this one from two weeks ago:

          Michele Bachmann is such vascular toothbrush that she subscribed with paradox and chastity belt.

          I was scratching my head over that for hours.

  11. donner_froh

    Bain managers said their mission was clear. “I never thought of what I do for a living as job creation,”
    How shocking. And now you will try to convince us that prostitutes don't enjoy having sex a few times a day with men they don't know and are only in it for the money.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Of course they're in it for the money. How else would they be able to pay their way through university and afford the life saving operations for her special needs child and chemotherapy for her mother.

  12. Master Janitor V572

    Hard to understand why Ken Cole didn't get that job at Fox News he was angling for, even before there was Fox News.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Considering what's become of State College, Syracuse, C Street House, & Mary Kay Letourneau, GG seems positively progressive. I would much rather have him to my house for a family dinner, as opposed to Bernie Fine or John Ensign.

  13. Chichikovovich

    "Sometimes Bain investors gained even when companies slid into bankruptcy."

    Of course they did!!! Bankruptcy is a tactic, not a bug, for corporations like Bain. It allows them to break contracts, loot pension funds, etc.

    True story: A paper mill close to where I grew up was run by a huge international firm. You would recognize their name, and you almost surely have some of their products in your house. The paper mill was old, and rather than renovate it, they decided to shut it down. This would require breaking contracts with the union, since in the last negotiations they had committed to the mill staying open X years in exchange for wage concessions.
    Labor law is far more labor friendly in Canada, so this would be a hard pledge to break.

    I'm not sure of all the legal footnotes and manoevres, but the following story is accurate in its essentials. So they got what they wanted as follows: 1) Sell the plant to another company – call it PseudoBain – with no history of papermaking, but lots of history of shutting down factories, and toss in some debt too. 2) The PseudoBain pledges to keep the factory open at least for X years "if possible". 3) The key fact is that the guarantees to stay open (and the rather inflated pension fund) both have out clauses that require two things: a) bankruptcy b) a worker's strike. 3) PseudoBain waits two years until the next contract negotiation, and then does everything they can to provoke a strike, including laughable offers such as wages less than half of what the workers were receiving before. They could say: look, we have to cut this, look at all the debt we have! 4) The workers, rather naïvely in retrospect, go on strike. 5) Before you can say "Mitt Romney", PseudoBain declares bankrupcy, loots the pension fund to pay off the debts (including those from the original company that came with the original sale) shuts the plant, dissolves the subsidiary whose sole task was to be responsible for the plant, and goodbye. A good bit of business by everyone except for the isolated bush town (which will be a ghost town in 30 years with the sole employer gone) and the now unemployed pension-less workers.

    So yes, companies can flourish via bankruptcy and that's why many companies aim for it.

    1. James Michael Curley

      True story – Where I work. Our company sold a well known builidng products company to a willing buyer and withing four years the new company filed bankruptcy. As we still had more than a casual interest (our money was one the line in the form of non-collateralized debt advanced to the buyers so they could buy the company) I had to review every filing. Less than two months after the Master permitted the pension system to be sacked he authorized gigantic payouts to the principal executives as contracted for separation agreements. Just before the final Order was filed the same group of executives formed a new company and bought out the assets of the company they just got finished pushing through bankruptcy. Our money was never received, of course.

      1. GOPCrusher

        If I had a dollar for every company that I've worked for that the same thing happened, well, I would have a few dollars.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      With fewer burdensome regulations, jobs will be created everywhere and unicorns will dance.

  14. mrblifil

    I don't know what Mittens Willard Excelsior the III listens to, but I'm about to stoke up "Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight" in his honor (Rezillos, not Fleetwood Mac).

  15. James Michael Curley

    For reasons nobody could figure at the time, Bain Capital decided to acquire the Guitar Center chain of stores. I don't exactly recall how I ended up on the ground floor of what turned out to be share price bonanza but it was nice. However what survived, including the store closest to me, my music friends now refer to as the Wal-Mart of music. The chain is still owned by Bain but what kind of guitar store would you expect it to be where you can't go in and buy a Martin?

  16. Boehneriffic

    I work for a company owned by Bain. I've been here 17 years. Bain, about 5. Their financial frippery makes me nervous as I don't want to look for a new job at 54 years of age. Maybe I should drop the booze budget and put it in my retirement fund.


  17. Neoyorquino

    In other archival video footage, Romney went on to say "I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Chris Christie, take off your robe."

  18. SaintRond

    Romney was never suited to be President. He's not a leader. He's more like those guys that used to work for Howard Hughes' Mormon Mafia in Las Vegas. Sometimes Howie's catheter would slip out and heroin would squirt all over the sheets and a guy looking just like Mittens (they're all fucking clones) would hurry in going, "Aww, gee whiz and shucks to boot, Mr. Hughes," and start dabbing up all the infection with some cotton and alcohol and stick it back in where it was supposed to go. And that natural talent is why the GOP establishment wants him so badly – he's a perfect bag man, which is exactly what Republicans in office are supposed to be.

  19. DahBoner


    Creating wealth for yourself is different than creating jobs?


  20. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt Romney is a man of principle, taste and convictions — any principle, taste and convictions you want.

  21. rickmaci

    Among many other things, one item that really stands out on this tape is Mitt is still using the same failed recycled talking points he used in 1994. F***, Mitt, you really need to get some new material.

  22. ttommyunger

    If Newt is a shit sandwich, and he is; Mittens is a bread and butter sandwich…A void within a vacuum in an empty vessel, zip, nada, nothing. The light is on, but nobody's home. He could be President for twenty years and nobody would know who he really was. He makes Vanilla Ice Cream look dicey. I could go on……

  23. James Michael Curley

    Who you shoot to get that? ’74 is the year a friend and I wandered down to the Martin Factory to pick up his ‘Dreadnaught’. I’m sure he still has it. Late April, Nazareth to Pgh. in a 1947 MG-TC (I wish I still had that) , two guys with long hair, top down to accommodate the D-28 with case. How many times you think we got stopped.I’m more into early Western Protest Folk music e.g., That Hearst Weasel Lied.

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