justice only exists in cartoons

Jackass NYPD Pigs Throw Protesters In Jail And Eat All Their Food

Ha ha, it still takes four fat, sweaty Sheriffs of Nottingham to subdue every Robin Hood.

New York City cops arrested eight protesters dressed in Robin Hood garb during a joint OWS-World Aids Day march demanding a Financial Transaction Tax on Wall Street to help restore the $10 million in HIV/AIDS services funding that Michael “I eat ground up poor people for breakfast” Bloomberg cut last year, but it wasn’t the Robin Hoods who got to do any stealing! Supporters sent the protesters a couple large pizzas to tide them over in jail, which the greedy precinct officers of Nottingham promptly confiscated and gobbled up for themselves. As any four-year-old who has seen the Disney version of Robin Hood can tell you, that is not how the movie is supposed to go.

In real life, here in America, it goes more like this: cops steal food from people representing AIDS advocacy organizations and then laugh at them.

NYMag’s Daily Intel interviewed some of the protesters after they were released:

[Protester David] Thorpe said the group was denied food and drink entirely for the twenty-plus hours they were detained, and that the cops drank the soda sent along, too, before telling the protesters that the vending machine was all out. (This isn’t the first time the NYPD has been charged with helping themselves to pizza not meant for them.)

“We confronted the officers at the precinct about stealing the pizzas and they just smiled and laughed at us and didn’t deny it,” said [Housing Works CEO Charles] King in a lighthearted, but still semi-outraged press release. Eventually, the cops offered to replace the pizzas, but the activists said “no thanks”. “We weren’t touching their dirty pizza,” King said.

Meanwhile, the United Nations has officially noticed in their usual “oh so some stuff happened a few months ago?” way that it’s a weeeee hypocritical for the United States government to be issuing morose commands to Egypt and Syria ordering them to ease up on their dissidents in the name of democracy when the government continues to evict and beat the shit out of protesters back home.

From HuffPo:

The United Nations envoy for freedom of expression is drafting an official communication to the U.S. government demanding to know why federal officials are not protecting the rights of Occupy demonstrators whose protests are being disbanded — sometimes violently — by local authorities.

Frank La Rue, who serves as the U.N. “special rapporteur” for the protection of free expression, told HuffPost in an interview that the crackdowns against Occupy protesters appear to be violating their human and constitutional rights.

Yes, that “appears” to be the case. Absolutely no government on Earth listens to the queries and recommendations of the United Nations, but congratulations to the United States for joining the ranks of oppressive governments that the grownups have to lecture for acting like violent bullies. [Daily Intel/HuffPo; Photo via Housing Works Flickr]

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  1. Callyson

    "Any way you slice it, it was an honest mistake," said NYPD spokesman Paul Browne, like some kind of wiseguy. Browne said the cops thought the pizzas were for them
    No, it was the *donuts* that were for you cops.

      1. chicken_thief

        Prolly that lying ass bitch, Ginger White. No putting something like that past anyone who could make up shit like that against poor Mr. Cain.

  2. Callyson

    "Did the people in Tahrir Square have a permit?"
    Good question. Mayor Bloomberg, do you know the answer to that one?

  3. datateday

    Reminds me of the episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers where they defeated the giant pig by using very spicy food hidden inside the normal kind. I suggest the Protesting Class do the same.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      I suggest that the protesters order a special batch of "ghost pepper" pizza. A little pepper never hurt anyone, right?

      1. datateday

        Yes! It's that sort of ingenious thinking that merits you your very own Megazord! Which sort of prehistoric animal would you like it to be? We can go up to the White Ranger…

        1. SorosBot

          Tommy's full title then was the White Power Ranger. Brought to you by the same people who made (among the original cast) the black guy the Black Ranger and the Asian girl the Yellow Ranger (and RIP Thuy Trang), They… didn't exactly think about the implications very well.

  4. Master Janitor V572

    Housing Works CEO Charles King must be a master prose stylist if he can issue "a lighthearted, but still semi-outraged press release."

    And, hey, NYPD: Do you even care what the world thinks of you? Did you walk up and down in front of the cells stuffing your faces with it? That's semi-outrageous.

    Just checked the on-line NYT, and in the estimation of their editors, this is not news. Plenty of horse-race stories about the 2012 election, though!

  5. Mojopo

    I wouldn't suggesting shitting on the next batch of pizzas before they are delivered, because someone could get sick.

  6. OneYieldRegular

    "Your pizza tastes funny? I'm terribly sorry about that, officer. You did ask for the Zuccotti Park Port-O-Potty special, right? No? My bad."

    1. Mojopo

      All manner of things could go wrong. Anyone could accidentally drop it on the subway platform, with bits of trash and rat hairs sticking to the cheese, and hardly anyone would notice.

  7. dyedwool

    NYC precincts everywhere are about to learn the subtle differences between deep DISH and deep SHIT pizzas, maybe, please.

  8. BarackMyWorld

    You know, Newt kind of reminds me of Disney's version of the Sheriff of Nottingham. Did you see how he treated the poor forest animals? Jeez…that's Newt in a nutshell.

  9. mavenmaven

    I'm serious now, where is our president and why is he not saying anything? These are the good guys that need defending, no less than the Egyptian protesters.

    1. Guppy

      His administration is already helping to coordinate all the crackdowns and giving advice on minimizing bad press, what more do you want?

      1. Geminisunmars

        Yes, I still somehow believe that Obama is not an enemy of the people. I think it is more complex than that.

        1. Sharkey

          I think he has power that he could exercise that would ameliorate, or even put a near-halt to, the abuses of the cops and (especially?) their higher-ups. OBAMA IS THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OF LAW ENFORCEMENT. ALL COPS IN THEORY ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO THE PRESIDENT. The legislative branch makes the laws, the executive branch enforces them, and the judicial branch resolves disputes that arise. Let me repeat, the executive branch enforces the laws, and the president is head of the executive branch. I know from experience because I worked there, people in the executive branch often do not realize the power they possess, and this extends even to the president.

          As Maven said, the president could at least say something about this. AT LEAST.

          Seriously people, that pepper spray thing at UC convinced me:

          And the president could stop this from happening. I don't think he will.

          Your response, Gemini?

          1. Negropolis

            What happened at Ohio State besides Michigan and Michigan State beating their asses, this year?

          2. Geminisunmars

            You do have a point, Sharkey, that he could probably ameliorate things. But I don't think it is as easy as him making a proclamation "Okay you pigs stop being so piggish." I don't pretend to understand the structure of the Law Enforcers, but it does seem like there are various jurisdictions that the President doesn't have direct control over, unless you want him to declare martial law, and I don't think we want that.

            Also, there have been legitimate grievances about some actions the police have taken, and they have done shitty and illegal things, no doubt, but they haven't gone full out bananas en masse. Not the way they did in the good ole days of Union head bashing and other police actions.

            I just want to say cool the inflammatory rhetoric. I'm not buying in to it. You might get a few others to jump onto the adrenaline trampoline, but I'm conserving mine for when the real action starts.

          3. Sharkey

            Behind the scenes:
            He could surely stop Homeland Security from strategizing against protestors. He could surely talk to (republican?) governors about the importance of showing restraint with regard to peaceful protestors – arguably they were the source of the Kent State deaths. As well as any underlings who might actually hold more power. He could mention that the nation still remembers Kent State and reiterate that it must never happen again – and acknowledge the sacrifice of REAL HEROES like SCOTT OLSEN in the present day! Another somewhat different option would be to prosecute/demonize those who have committed these breaches of (constitutional) civil rights that he was sworn to defend. Single people out for a change! None of this would hurt what he cares about, his family and his re-election.

            What he could do in public is take up the issues that OWS is raising. That simply goes without saying. OWS has good ideas but Obama is more concerned about whatever crazy ideas the republicans have this week. He's gotta stay mainstream, doesn't he.

            It would set a "tone at the top" that is something other than NOTHING!

            But maybe you are correct and the real action hasn't started yet.

            Ugh. I give him points for FINALLY winding down the Iraq / Afghanistan Wars, the health care bill – if it survives SCOTUS, and a bunch of other relatively minor achievements. But this is a man that already has a Nobel Peace Prize in his hands and withers in the face of tyranny. Tyranny by people he can, if he wishes, DIRECTLY CONTROL.

            So I guess there will just be a lot more Scott Olsens to come. That will be yummy.

          4. Negropolis

            While I do think there is stuff he could do paritcularly behind the scenes and up top at the national level, I don't see why anyone would expect or want him to insert and lower himself directly into the minutiae of local government on this particular issue. Hell, even governors are often reticient to directly meddle in the affairs of a local government. It doesn't even make sense, politically, to get behind the physical OWS, whose ideas are wildly popular, but whose tactics have shown to be a wash, at best, according to multiple polls.

            I honestly don't get all of this consternation over the president's role (or lack of) in this. The people we should be holding to account are the so-called Democratic mayors and city councils across this country who've been directly perpetuating this bullshit by either actively persecuting the protestors or being so passive about police behavior that they might as well be actively persecuting them.

            Now, if this show ever reached DC is bigger numbers than it has to date, and demands were being made directly to the White House, then I'd expect some kind of response by the government. So long as this is concentrated only at the private sector, OWS isn't going to get much of a public hearing and definitely not an official presidential response.

            So, yeah, he could (and should) definitely address some of the individual issues being put out there by OWS, and he most definitely should remove any kind of alleged coordination his administration may have offered law enforcement during the original raids. But, a leaderless movement, which has to this point not been solely directed at the government certainly shouldn't be expecting an official government response, let alone formal and personal support from the president.

            I've supported OWS from the beginning; I've even bittertly argued against some liberals who've been dissmissive of their tactics. However, I think a bridge is built too far when someone makes the argument or the demand that the president needs jump in feet first to own this loose, diffuse confederation. I've said it before, but I wouldn't even want him to co-opt the movement. As far as I'm concerned, this is an extra-political (outside of politics) movement whose legitimacy stems from them not being part of regular politics. I don't want OWS to be a defined group whose demands could conceivably be placated with a simple manifesto and list of demands. I want this group to be perpetual; a watch-dog group of sorts.

            Now, if some other group of folks want to use the spirit of OWS to formally get political, I'm in complete support of this. In fact, it'll be completely necessary in the coming months if we want this thing to continue. But, OWS doesn't dervive its legitimacy, power, and reason for being from this president or any politician, for that matter, and nor should it ever.

            OWS doesn't belong to the Democrats, or the liberals, or the Republicans, or the conservatives, or Congress, or the president…they are not responsible for maintaing and cultivating OWS. OWS doesn't belong to the government; OWS belongs to us. Period.

          5. imissopus

            Exactly. If Barry offered public support, OWS would run away from him as fast as possible (they ran away from Elizabeth Warren for cryin' out loud.)

          6. Guppy


            National Guard, yes. State and local law enforcement, no. And even then, without an explicit request of the state government for federal assistance, all Obama could do is federalize some state's NG and take them away from some modern-day George Wallace.

            Right now, the only assistance the states are asking for are "Can you help us crack these skulls, please?" He could say "Nah dude," but instead the Obama administration is providing logistics.

            Help is not forthcoming. Save yourselves.

  10. SorosBot

    The NY police chief then said of the lead protester, "I'll cut his heart out with a spoon?" to which his deputy replied, "Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?" and the chief responded, "Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more."

      1. Dok-cupy Everything

        My kid and I have decided that, in the Ideal Movie Adaptation of Terry Pratchett's novels, Lord Vetinari would have to be played by Alan Rickman

        1. Tommmcattt

          Not to bum you and your kid out, but I have it on very good authority that Disney, who made Prattchet's handlers an offer on the Franchise, couldn't work out terms, so "Mort", which was to be the first film out, was cancelled. This all happened about 7 months ago…

          So back to the drawing board on that one. Sorry. Maybe another studio will try.

        2. HistoriCat

          Hmm … does Rickman have that ice-water in his veins quality so necessary to be Vetinari? I can't think of anyone better off the top of my but I"m not convinced.

          1. Dok-cupy Everything

            Simply imagine Rickman saying, quietly, "Don't let me detain you." There's your answer.

            Sadly, Pete Postlethwhaite, who Pratchett had in mind as the visual model for Sam Vimes, is no longer available to play that role…

          2. tessiee

            "Simply imagine Rickman saying, quietly, "Don't let me detain you." There's your answer. "

            Um, if it's OK with everyone, I would like to go upstairs to my room, close the door, and *then* imagine that. See ya later, guys.

          3. Chichikovovich

            Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard. Rickman as Severus Snape. Those two roles help me see him as Vetinari.

      2. SorosBot

        I had to look up the exact wording, but man he is great in that movie; which helps make up for how Costner is just awful.

  11. Chichikovovich

    Apart from the smashing and spraying and kicking and dragging stories, the only NYPD news I've come across in the last few days concerned the row of NYPD off-duty officers jamming the halls of the courthouse giving a hard time to and intimidating the lawyers and court officials of a case in which several officers were being tried for corruption ("fixing" parking tickets, etc.). What was chilling was not so much the fixing – one expects that in any organization that big there will be a few crooked members – but rather that an enormous crowd of fellow officers would come out to display open hostility to the people who were enforcing the law.

    NYPD: Ten years ago you were heroes. In the intervening time, you've reached the point where the *least bad* news about you for months has been that you stuffed your faces with pizza you stole, and then laughed about it when challenged.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Ten and a half years ago they were sodomizing prisoners with broom handles and putting 30+ bullets in an unarmed man.

      There was no reason to assume they NYPD would not revert to form.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Giuliani wasn't America's Mayor, nor even particularly popular in NYC, pre-9/11. He and his "army" (to use Bloomie's recent formulation) simply used the actual suffering at Ground Zero to paper over their own "hey, at least we're not bin Laden" sins.

      1. Chichikovovich

        The original version of the line was "all the heroes I know are either dead, in prison, or eating somebody else's pizza." But I think yours is snappier.

    2. imissopus

      I've read about that case. Supposedly "fixing" tickets is such an ingrained part of the cop culture that they have come to see it as a right or a privilege, and thus are pissed off that someone is now cracking down. I know only a few cops are being prosecuted, but one gets the sense the activity is as common as breathing.

  12. Mojopo

    That's how you know you have real friends. They try to get pizzas delivered to the jail for you.

    Next time try a singing telegram.

    1. tessiee

      "That's how you know you have real friends. They try to get pizzas delivered to the jail for you."

      I thought that was what the one phone call was for.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Lets keep some perspective here. At here worse, the over reaction of the cops here is nothing close to the number of dead related to the Egyptian or Syrian rallies.

    Heck, Cops stomping hippies is as American as Apple Pie. Getting stomped by a cop is how you get street cred in the revolution. And, generally speaking, for all the OWS encampments, and all the hanger-ons and others that have been attracted, the pols and the cops have generally been pretty reserved (Saying that all the cops are fascist pigs is no better than saying all the OWS types are pothead rapist or that All the GOP presidential candidates are philandering tools of big business).

    OWS has done a great job at changing the conversation, and getting a majority in this country to start paying attention to the problems we face with income inequality, lax regulation, and unfair distribution of capital, along with a whole bunch of other issues. But camping out and hitting bongos won't in the end get anything done. Time to move on to another tactic, and make a happening into a movement, if you really want to effect change.

      1. RadioYKWE

        At 12:30 p.m. CST, as Kennedy's uncovered limousine entered Dealey Plaza, Nellie Connally, then the First Lady of Texas, turned around to Kennedy, who was sitting behind her, and commented, "Mr. President, you can't say Dallas doesn't love you," which President Kennedy acknowledged.

    1. Buckminster

      What's wrong with Canadian Bacon and red ants? They're organic and many people of the world eat them.

    1. tessiee

      I'm no expert on chemistry, or poisons, or psychoactive drugs; but I bet there's a great many things that would pass unnoticed if sprinkled on a pizza.
      I'm just sayin'.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Plus, what the hell do you think is going to happen to pizza you send anywhere near NY's finest? Dear God, imagine if it has been donuts and beer?

  15. KathrynSane

    I hope these assholes know that their police state tactics are doing nothing but radicalizing people who would otherwise probably not give a shit. I grew up in a small town where all of my interactions with police officers were pleasant and helpful, so even though I knew that the cops weren't always the good guys, I never really shared the "fuck the police" sentiments of a lot of people on the left. Now I do.

    My only hope is that it comes back and bites them in the ass so I can laugh and laugh and laugh.

  16. Dok-cupy Everything

    U.N. “special rapporteur”

    That's gotta be some kind of mega dog-whistle to Wingnut-Americans– you got yer UN, yer "special needs," yer rap, and yer French suffix all in 7 syllables. If they played Scrabble, that'd be a quadruple bingo.

    EDIT: What I'm implying there is that wingnuts don't play Scrabble. Because they're too dumb. That's what I'm getting at, basically.

  17. sbj1964

    Wait the cops ate the pizza of the 99%ers who are protesting because they want 99% of the people to have a piece of the pie not just the rich? Irony is a bitch !

  18. RedneckMuslin

    The pizza the cops were going to give them was from a vice raid on an apartment filming one of those Big Sausage Pizza pornos. Or Herman Cain's Godfather pizza. Same thing. Wise choice they made.

  19. ttommyunger

    Word to the wise: No one, I repeat, NO ONE in America has more real authority than a city cop, on duty, in his own jurisdiction; not a judge, not an FBI Agent, not a US Attorney. He can take your property, your freedom and your very life. Underestimate their power at your peril. they are not to be trifled with.

      1. ttommyunger

        I'm not saying that. I am saying they are dangerous to the extreme and to think or act otherwise is foolhardy and dangerous.

      1. ttommyunger

        High-minded legalities don't trump nightstick in the ribs in real time. I'm only preaching reality here, not taking sides. I'd love to live in a society where all the legal niceties were adhered to, in the meantime, when I'm confronted by a cop I'm going to keep my hands in sight and my tongue curbed; you do otherwise at your peril.

        1. slowhansolo

          C'mon now, it's not they don't face consequences for their behavior. For example, after they kill your ass, they might very well be sent home without pay for a few weeks.


    1. Negropolis

      Underestimate their power at your peril. they are not to be trifled with.

      If most of the folks out in the parks didn't already know this, they wouldn't be there. Among many other things about this movement, one of the obvious purposes is to confront morally decayed power, to speak truth to it, to physically confront it head-on, and make it show its decayed underbelly. When they get the business end of a wrongfully wielded baton, that's what you're doing. Not only are they within their right to complain about forcing these goons to over-react, they damned well better complain about it. This is how protest against power work. You know that.

      Black folks didn't sit-in at lunch counters and not move on the bus not knowing the consequences; the illegal police response was the whole point of the spectacle. "The bitch set me up!" She sure had damned well better have.

      It's unfortunate that police usually are on the front lines of confrontation, the proxy; it's also unfortunate that people are beaten and killed by them to make a point. This is what happens when a police force is taken from its mission by its mayor to protect and serve, to protecting and serving the personal whims of said mayor.

      The protestors are more than willing to risk the negative consequences of their First Amendment exercize or they wouldn't be out there. Sometimes, that consquence has been their very health. Still remains to be seen if police are willing to risk and accept the negative consequences for their response. We won't know that until we see someone prosecuted, and then we'll see how willing they are to continue their side of the game.

      If a protestor is willing to take the risk of being hospitalized from the business end of an an illegally wielded, industrial strength pepper spray can, a cop better be willing to face a possible indictment for such an action.

      1. ttommyunger

        I'm talking to the “curious kid” out there, not the Lion Tamer. The latter goes in with his eyes wide open, weighing and accepting the consequences. The former think life is a wonderful game full of adventures. My statement is merely a cynical but realistic statement of fact, not an endorsement of police brutality or child-like innocence.

      2. slowhansolo

        These cops do not face much risk, I think is the point. And all that hero first responder claptrap is empty without it. They'd have to slaughter dozens in a kill-crazy orgy in order to even risk their pensions, let alone their freedom.

  20. ugodOH

    I hate to be the asshole to point out the obvious, but what were those people thinking sending a pizza to the jail? Since when are prisoners allowed outside food to be brought in? I mean, they never should have been arrested in the first place, but it should be no surprise that they didn't get their pizza.

  21. Negropolis

    That'll do, pigs; that'll do.

    Hell, even Marie Antoinette allowed her subjects cake. Mmmmm…yellow cake uranium…mmmm…..

  22. El Pinche

    I say we really give the NYPD what they deserve. Vote Republican , make those pigs work for gruel or put them out of work .

    1. RadioYKWE

      Instead of the pesky, high priced pensions, they can work as security guards for the gated communities until they're 80 years old.

    1. tessiee

      "I thought it was the Chinese that were going to eat our lunch."

      I think they're going to eat *us* for lunch.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      You could always go Angry Birds on 'em …but that will require resources to build the slingshots, and will probably stain the façade.

  23. Beowoof

    Bloomberg's Army trying to get provisions in for the fight ahead. Too bad they are planning a fight against the citizens they promised to protect.

  24. JackDempsey1

    Idea: Send the cops an order of pizzas that were sliced by a blindfolded oven-man.
    I like the concept of mixing guns with an unequal food distribution.

  25. user-of-owls

    You know, coppers, one of these days when a protester says he'll give you a slice, it's gonna mean something very different.

        1. not that Dewey

          I read that Drew Carey is going to take up the subject during the spinning of The Big Wheel on The Price is Right

          1. user-of-owls

            Word is that Dr. Oz will feature a discussion on the pros and cons of genocide as a population control policy with Suharto's ghost.

            And then Oz will give him a endoscopy on live TV.

          2. not that Dewey

            In a bizarre sub-sub-plot on All My Children, Erika Kane hands Suharto a list of 5,000 known or suspected communists, who all simultaneously drive their cars off cliffs and/or crash their Cessnas into a tree, suffer amnesia, and later discover that they were all married in a previous life.

          3. user-of-owls

            PBS executives are scrambling to do damage control today after a Wikileaks document revealed that the popular Teletubbies counting game was originally developed by Suharto's secret police for keeping a tally of murdered dissidents.

          4. not that Dewey

            Next, Sean Hannity starts questioning whether the US leaders responsible for abetting the Suharto regime should be brought before the Human Rights Commission.

            Wait — that's just silly!

    1. not that Dewey

      Company Xmas party tonight. We got a sitter for Little Suzie. We'll arrive right after the cocktail reception, give away our free drink tickets, stay for dinner, and VAMOOSE

      Wish me luck. It'll be good for my development.

      1. user-of-owls

        You'll own it, I know you will. It's funny, I did exactly the same thing last Monday, though it was a cash bar so I didn't have any tickets to dump. In fact, it was a banquet wherein Owls was the centerpiece, of sorts. I won a University-wide teaching award and (via a completely different nomination/selection process) was one of six inductees into the Teaching Academy! Means a helluva lot more to me than any publication and, a new experience for someone who was well-trained from childhood to feel worthless, I'm proud of myself.

        I think your event will be more challenging than mine, in part cuz everyone vamoosed after dinner. But I'm really glad you feel strong enough to go, and that Mrs. D feels the same way. I bet you feel like it isn't so daunting after all when it's over with. I still have my first such challenge ahead of me. Anyway, have (or, hope you had) great fun in a way we're unaccustomed to but have worked hard to be able to experience. Feliz y paz.

        1. not that Dewey

          Happy New Year.

          First, I never properly congratulated you on the award and the Teaching Academy gig — I guess I was too self-absorbed at the time. But then I saw your post today and it reminded me what a bad friend I was. Congratulations. : )

          Second, thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for letting me be there for you. Thank you for the three-legged sack race. Six month ago, today, I was drunk. Six months ago tomorrow, I was sober. Of course, it hasn't been all puppies and flowers since then, but it's certainly better than it was, or would have been. I came to Wonkette for the laughs; I stayed for the incredible human insight and range of talents and community that I found lurking beneath that vile humor. It was already a life- and consciousness-altering experience, even before this summer. Troll wars, pun contests, history and political science lessons; I can't imagine how I would spend these hours otherwise. Be safe if you're going out tonight. Have fun regardless.

          1. user-of-owls

            Ah, I've been looking for you, Sr. Dewey. Looking so I could send a proper abrazo your way. Your words, as always, go deep in my heart. I share all the sentiments that you do. Things are, and will be, very, very hard for me in the coming year marriage-wise. While I've been able to (mostly) shed the emotional shackles that pulled me down, Mrs. Owls has not. Seems she's heading toward the bottom…the place we all must visit in order to reach the ladder heading back up. She's a seething ball of anger and resentment right now and cannot (or will not) support me in any meaningful way. To the contrary, she either consciously or unconsciously tears me down at seemingly every opportunity. Maybe it's good for me in the long run, reinforcing my ability to be self-sustaining emotionally. But it is hard, friend. It is very hard.

            Despite this moroseness, I feel happy and excited about the year to come. I will be traveling quite a bit, which I love. I'll be teaching, which I love. And I'll be sober, which I love. Oh, and I'll be snarking and supporting you. Which I love very much. Take care, my dear amigo. Be well. Be peaceful. Do small things this year to make yourself and our world better for Susie-Q. One last thing: I TOLD you you'd make it through the holidays, didn't I?! Never underestimate the prognostication powers of Don Bujo. ;)

          2. not that Dewey

            Yes, you were right about the holidays, wise-ass old Owl. When will I learn?

            Yes, this year will be good, because I'm going to allow it to be good. I've deferred graduation until December, to take some pressure off, but no big deal. What's the hurry, at my age? I'm looking forward to my sister's wedding (she's remarrying) this summer, despite the fact that it will be in Florida in August. Ugh. Maybe I won't ruin this one.

            It will be a good year because Susie will start kindergarten this year, and hopefully she will come to love atheist commie public education as much as you and I do, as much as her grandfather does, as much as my 12-year-old niece does. A good student can get a good education anywhere, if she loves learning. And she does. She's already realizing that she is smart, and that this confers on her a special power. When she gets to school, she'll realize that she can already read, count, sing, dance, and the incredible advantage that this will give her.

            Our marriages may be one of the last areas that recover. I'm having a similarly difficult time with mine. Mrs D is pretty unhappy these days, hates herself, hates her present life, and punishes everyone around her for the consequences of bad decisions that she has made. She used to take meds for this, but she pulled herself off them last year. I can't control her behavior, and one thing I see now, with sober eyes, is that I shouldn't try to. I can't control her behavior, but I can now control my reaction to it. I don't have to win every argument. Hell, I don't have to win ANY arguments. There don't even have to be arguments. We were all psychologically unhealthy people, probably always have been — you, me, Mrs Owls, Mrs D, and we still are. We were probably originally attracted to each other precisely because of our various mental instabilities, which, when we were younger, we probably thought were cool. Now they don't seem so cool. But that's not the point. That's not why we're doing this. We're here now so that we can salvage what we can of our botched lives and make the best of these unfortunate situations that we find ourselves in now.

  26. johnnyzhivago

    Of course they arrested them – they were dressed as British Europeans! Why don't these protesters invest in some Revolutionary War garb to look like real mericans!!!

  27. chascates

    It must be a new trend. Via C&L:
    Yesterday morning, an Occupy Boston member told me a city official said they had to have a proper way to clean their dishes. So, a donor gave them a sink. Great, right? Well, last night, the Boston Police – in riot gear – showed up and forcibly removed the kitchen sink, much to the dismay and over protests from the occupiers. This also seems to be in violation of a restraining order issued to protect the protesters. Three protesters were arrested, and one reportedly taken away on a stretcher with injuries.

  28. Geminisunmars

    The important question here is whether the police ate the pizza with forks, a la Donald Trump, or au naturel a la Jon Stewart?

  29. MiniMencken

    Right now, somewhere in the Hollywood Hills, a writer is working on a pitch to Dick Wolf for a new Law & Order spinoff, "Law & Order E(xtra) T(oppings) U(nit)."

  30. chascates

    “This is the best food stamp president in history. So more Americans now get food stamps therefore and we now give it away as cash,” Gingrich said of President Obama. “You don’t get food stamps. You get a credit card and the credit card can be used for anything. We’ve had people take their food stamp money and use it to go to Hawaii.”

    1. schvitzatura

      Ramen diet for two years and an around-the-world cruise on the Cunard Line can be mine?


    2. not that Dewey

      Newsbusters is having an apoplectic fit because one time a food stamp recipient won the lottery, so clearly the entire enterprise is fraudulent. The scope and scale of this problem is almost worse than voter fraud.

    3. Biff

      Years ago, while recovering from back surgery, I got food stamps. I knew it was short-term relief, so I filled a footlocker with ramen and hobo beans, all purchased with food stamps. Sadly, I acquired a taste for ramen and hobo beans, and still dine on them regularly.

    4. Jerri

      Newt went on to add, "And then some other people on food stamps used their food stamp credit card to buy 10 Cadillacs!"

    5. Jukesgrrl

      As if we didn't already know Newtie is a fucking liar, that's a fucking lie. You can't even buy toilet paper or soap with food stamps. Those states that issue food stamps in the form of (what appear to be credit) cards have them set up (by Morgan Stanley in my state) so they only work in places that have scanners. The card is set up to pay only for items indentified on their barcodes as FOOD. Not even take out food applies. For example, if you buy a prepared sandwich at Safeway's deli that can be consumed immediately, the food stamp card cannot be used to pay for it. Jesus that pig makes me mad. He spends his money on diamonds at Tiffanys, then he tries to make people think their fellow citizens on food stamps are immoral.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        PolitifactWisconsin at JSOnline.com has condemned this apostasy by the FINOS (fact checkers in name only) in St. Petersburg, & Dave Umhoefer has vowed to right this grievous libel against Speaker Gingrich.

  31. Goonemeritus

    I'm guessing members of the NYPD are more likely Rush Limbaugh listeners than Wonkette readers but I will offer some advice regardless. Every mass populist movement ends up electing leaders to local and federal offices. Some of these politicians will be sitting across the table when it comes to collective barraging time.

    1. tessiee

      "sitting across the table when it comes to collective barraging time. "

      I'm not sure whether you meant "collective bargaining time", but I like your sentence as is.

  32. kinisonkhan

    I found this funny and entertaining. Please post more sad stories about OWS. It tickles my fancy!

    I AM THE 1%!!

  33. KeepFnThatChicken

    Occupy will soon be forgotten. Remember that Barry couldn't give a shit about the movement, and we know Republican ads won't highlight the injustice.

  34. AddHomonym

    Pizza pizza pizza, why is it always pizza that gets sent to the OWS people? How about some nice pad kee mao? Or a big tub of chicken tikka? Switch it up a little bit.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Wealth redistribution upward today. Wealth redistribution upward tomorrow. Wealth redistribution upward forever.

  35. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, Cain's out due to his philandering. And now the Conservatives are all going to support…. Newt Gingrich? Must be because they both love pizza so much.

  36. rocktonsam

    ever since Herb's announcement, Fox News has trotted out every black on staff to comment, and even foxy Pattie Ann Brown.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I've been trying to think of the guy on there I can't stand more than all the others, but the Fox News website was no help, and Googling "black man fox news" just gets you a bunch of articles about the racist shit people on the network have said over the years.

  37. Mojopo

    I never meant to cause you any sorrow
    I never meant to cause you any pain
    I only wanted one time to see you laughing
    at the Herman Cain

    Herman Cain, Herman Cain
    Herman Cain, Herman Cain
    Herman Cain, Herman Cain
    I only wanted to see you bathing in the Herman Cain

  38. Bluestatelibel

    The worst has come to pass: Herman Cain says he "won't go away," despite suspending campaign.

    1. RadioYKWE

      He "won't go away" because there are still plenty of suckers who will send him $9.99 — to help defeat Obama.

    2. Rotundo_

      You know he will be on the radio before or after Rush and Hannity and all the others in the GOP noise generation department. I suspect half the reason he was running was for a little more street cred prior to negotiating those Clear Channel contracts. He had to know that every woman he ever groped was going to come out of the woodwork and share their stories with the media. In the end, he got a whole shit load of publicity, sold a lot of books, and set himself up as "The African-American voice of the republican party. I don't think he ever in his most fevered dreams thought he was going to get the nomination, just a juicy contract on radio, and maybe on FAUX. He still wins folks.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        The Oliver North Plan: break the law, then become a mouthpiece for the "law n' order" Right.

    1. not that Dewey

      Not a chance.

      "It hurts my wife, it hurts my family, it hurts me and it hurts the American people because you have been denied solutions to our problems," [Cain] said.

      Classic teabagger deflection. It's our fault that he got caught having all that sexytime, so he's going to punish us by denying us his "solutions".

  39. user-of-owls

    How sweet. Under a demented op-ed arguing that Herm should stay in the race (oops), one can find these charming comments:

    THIS CERTAINLY HAS BEEN THE YEAR for funny n e g r o e s !!!

    IF, you cannot keep your Dark Chocolate Anaconda in your pants, blame yourself" !

    One african destroying America is enough.

    Remind me again why I quit drinking?

    1. weejee

      So when you're driving through suburban Fordyce you won't miss the guy in the white robes. Not all speedbumps are are made of asphalt.

    2. Fukui_sanYesOta

      WHEN, in the Afro Community, you are to lazy, and to ignorant to get a real Graduate Degree, from a real University, you go and pay to get your degree from some fraudulent Simian diploma mill !

      Right, "Dr" King ?


      I think I'm going to go and look at youtube videos of kittens.

      edit: oh, and this is the article.

          1. not that Dewey

            There's some selection bias at work. Clinically depressed masochists are preferentially drawn towards Wonket in the first place.

  40. Jukesgrrl

    Cain: “I am not going to be silenced and I’m not going away.” Running for president had been “Plan A,” he said. “Plan B” will be to “continue to be a voice for the people.”

    "The people" being oil company executives who are yachtsmen in their spare time?

  41. SheriffRoscoe

    When can we the taxpayers expect primary season quitter Herman Cain to relinquish his secret service detail? How soon can we pry this self-proclaimed DC outsider and tea party darling from the government teat?

  42. HistoriCat

    Cain didn't divorce his wife and marry the woman he was cheating with. It's OK if you end up marrying the woman.

  43. Reader11722

    Useless, obese cops, yet another violation of our rights. The gov’t constantly violates our rights.
    They violate the 1st Amendment by caging protesters and banning books like “America Deceived II”.
    They violate the 4th and 5th Amendment by allowing TSA to grope you.
    They violate the entire Constitution by starting undeclared wars.
    Impeach Obama, support Ron Paul.
    Last link of “America Deceived II” before it is completely banned: http://www.amazon.com/America-Deceived-II-Possess

      1. user-of-owls

        Wow, a Paultard! How delightfully retro!

        I thought they went out with spats and afternoon newspapers.

        1. Suck My Balls

          I wish! I went to one of the Occupy San Antonio events and ended up spending the day out in the brutal Texas sun trying to explain to a platoon of these idiots that less regulation was not the answer to anything except for how to make the fat cats cum in their pants.

  44. Sassomatic

    I'm going to be disappointed if the teatards don't start frothing at the mouth about the UN thing.

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