VOTE THEM OFF THE PLANET  2:55 pm December 2, 2011

Donald Trump To Moderate Holiday Republican Debate

by Ken Layne

It's time to put on makeup, it's time to light the lights ....Remember a few months ago when the Republicans were excited about … right, Donald Trump? And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was “no longer a viable candidate.” His multi-million ill-gotten fortune couldn’t have been the problem, because Mitt’s still in. The serial adultery and divorces and tacky new wives? Nope, Newt’s still around. Being mentally ill? Hasn’t stopped Bachmann! What about the basic ignorance and stupidity? Rick Perry hasn’t quit the race, and it’s not what’s making Herman Cain quit, either. Maybe it was his national joke of a hairpiece? Whatever the reason, Donald Trump was at least as qualified as all the other GOP candidates combined, so now he gets the consolation prize of moderating a Republican debate, presumably because Kermit the Frog had a prior commitment (and some morals).

The NYT reports on this latest slip down the GOP’s evolutionary ladder:

Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax, the conservative magazine and news Web site, to moderate a presidential debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27.

“Our readers and the grass roots really love Trump,” said Christopher Ruddy, chief executive of Newsmax Media. “They may not agree with him on everything, but they don’t see him as owned by the Washington establishment, the media establishment.”

Mr. Trump’s role in the debate, which will be broadcast on the cable network Ion Television, is sure to be one of the more memorable moments in a primary season that has already delivered its fair share of circus-like spectacle.

Oh come on, liberal New York Times! You are insulting circus-like spectacles and the reputation of professional clowns and freaks.

So, on December 27 when lonely old GOP primary voters are starting to realize their kids really aren’t coming for Christmas this year, Donald Trump and the senior-citizen webzine Newsmax will finally provide some top-notch holiday entertainment. We are hoping that whole Internet censorship thing is finished and enacted by then, so we don’t have to liveblog this pathetic bullshit. [NYT]

 
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{ 315 comments }

Barb December 2, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Oh Jesus, that's like allowing Mrs Buttersworth to moderate the fucking Pancake channel.
"Newt, we hear that you have some very, very, very good ideas for the economy, most of which I own……"

RadioYKWE December 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm

It's like trying to measure a toothache with a protractor.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I assumed it would be "Newt, we hear you have some very, very, very good ideas for dumping your wife, most of which I follow…."

starfanglednut December 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and the thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and it belongs to me, and I own it, and what it is, too.

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm

SAUROPOD LIBEL!!!1!

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

That's not true!

There was no such thing as a brontosaurus; the fossil given that name was just an apatosaurus with the wrong head.

RadioYKWE December 2, 2011 at 5:28 pm

My Ditherhead brother once said that we were winning in Iraq because there were like ten new Catholic churches opened in Baghdad.
That's not opinion, that's fact!

TeaNuts December 2, 2011 at 6:33 pm

I just watched the Flintstones and they clearly said Brontosaurus! Now whom should I believe!

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Then it clearly should have been called a Trumposaurus.

FraAnima December 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Thank you, Anne Elk. That's A-N-N-E Elk, not A-N elk.

Ahem. Ahem. A-Hem.

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I'm going to watch this one. You know about 5 minutes into it, The Donald is going to remember he much prefers to listen to the sound of his own voice and spend the rest of the show shouting down those other clowns. He may even fire a few of them.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:07 pm

That's my hope: let Trump fire the lot of 'em.

Grief_Lessons December 2, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Late at night I fapp to the Pancake Channel, crying my tiny sick tears, leaving a few small drops of maple syrup on the couch.

Barb December 3, 2011 at 12:06 am

I know what you mean. On some snowy, horny nights I've been known to have Log Cabin fever.

KathrynSane December 2, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I'm calling it: America's time of death, 12/2/2011, 2:55 pm.

coolhandnuke December 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Stick a fork in our pizza…we're done.

Gratuitous World December 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm

"Mr. Trump, this next question is for you…"

"Thank you, Mr. Trump…"

ShitFilledExistence December 2, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Yes–it'll turn into one big Formidable Opponent segment with the candidates being completely ignored.

Come here a minute December 2, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Donald Trump does not know the meaning of "moderate".

weejee December 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm

You don't think he can let his hair down?

CrunchyKnee December 2, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Hair today gone tomorrow.

swordfis December 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

He'd better get his wig cleaned or there will be hell toupée.

memzilla December 2, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Combining one of America's least watched teevee channels, with one of America's wingtardiest websites, with the most hilariously-coiffed poster boy of the .001%?

I do not think "ratings win" means what you think it means.

chascates December 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm

It will be like the Doge of Venice selecting which lunatic town-crier gets to be Pope and held during Mardi Gras.

bagofmice December 2, 2011 at 9:39 pm

So you played Assassins creed as well?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:15 pm

They're only a step away from late-night paid programming on one of those cable channels way up over 300. Which is where they should have started in the first place.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:02 pm

..It's time to get things started, on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational…

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm

This is really only worth it if Donald Trump ends the debate by declaring himself the Republican nominee.

SenileAgitation December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Sorry, all I can think about is wanting better broadband with David Brooks…

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I keep thinking… What would David Brooks look like deep-throating a vegetable?

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

And I thought I was sick.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Leave Trig out of this.

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Leave Trig Rick Parry out of this.

finallyhappy December 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I was at a religious "event" recently – and Brooks was there. unfortunately, he did not attend the lunch afterwards. I do not think there were any large vegetables but there was salad

flamingpdog December 3, 2011 at 1:55 am

For those missing our beloved Kortney

RadioYKWE December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

This debate could get a little hairy.

YouBetcha December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Will there be a laugh track?

Geminisunmars December 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Won't need one.

Major Thom December 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Yes, when they talk about letting the guy in the gutter die b/c his socialist health insurance is gone.

bumfug December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

"This will be the largest, costliest and most luxurious debate in history!"

Not_So_Much December 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Faux marble pillars, fake gold leaf — it'll be hyooj.

FraAnima December 2, 2011 at 5:47 pm

It'll be HUGE!

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Trump is class, I tells ya. Class out the ass!

Needz moar tacky, gold plating.

Flat_Earther December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Will he release that squirrel that is trapped on his head?

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

He took the pelt as a trophy after "rescuing" it from Richard Gere.

starfanglednut December 2, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Actually, I think he stole it from Huckabee.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The human Muppets have more realistic hair than Trump.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

"[The debate] will be broadcast on the cable network Ion Television…"

Remember in 2008 when SNL had Palin and McCain on the home shopping network? How prescient was that??!

ifthethunderdontgetya December 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm

This will be best liver-blog yet.

Send in the clowns!

P.S. I left that comment at the NYT, and they have (thus far) refused to publish it, the rat bastards.
~

bureaucrap December 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

That's only because the phrase "send in the clowns" has been copyrighted by Stephen Sondheim.

Joshua Norton December 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm

His first question – How much do you like my hair and why?

Who will emerge as the latest "We hate you less than Mitch Romney" candidate of the week? The world awaits with bated breath.

James Michael Curley December 2, 2011 at 3:15 pm

After a long morning fishing off the pier, I, too, have baited breath.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Pack a lunch next time.

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm

What was that old TV show, "Sing Along With Mitt"?

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Follow the bouncing balls–wait, that's Cain . . .

ShitFilledExistence December 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm

He can moderate it like the Miss USA Pageant! Perfect.

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm
flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm
An_Outhouse December 2, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Whirled peas!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:24 pm

World piece of ass!

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Will he buy boob jobs for the candidates?

ShitFilledExistence December 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Everyone except Newt.

TeaNuts December 2, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Two words Swimsuit Contest!

Nostrildamus December 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm

My money's on Newt in the ankle length red-and-white-striped Victorian one-piece.

ThundercatHo December 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

Everyone in flag inspired Speedos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HistoriCat December 3, 2011 at 11:14 am

Do. Not. Want!

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm

"Newt, can you give us your feelings about your third wife? Mine, shes terrific, really, really classy, tremendous."

DahBoner December 4, 2011 at 9:25 pm

You don't meet classy dames like that at East German rest stops every day!

chascates December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

This will be awesome! Good looking girls parading around the stage in fancy costumes, probably a steam calliope with a fife and drum band, maybe even the Rockettes.

The Donald knows how to wow a crowd.

weejee December 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Will he get Marcus & Newt to show their titz?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:33 pm

There will be a crowd?

Preferred Customer December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

This should seamlessly blur the candidates' transition from "presidential hopeful" to "celebrity game show participant."

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 11:45 pm

This should seamlessly blur complete the candidates' transition from "presidential hopeful" to "celebrity game show participant."

Fixed.

fartknocker December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

$100 says he's going to bring up the President's birth certificate.

The debate is on the Ion Network. Shit, when are the going to debate on QVC and Animal Planet.

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm

After all, it's only a matter of time before Michelle shows up on TruTV.

UnholyMoses December 2, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Please don't bash Animal Planet that much — they have some good shows.

Granted, those shows are re-runs from other channels that have good shows, but still

Biff December 2, 2011 at 7:28 pm

I heard AP did a series on Heidi Fleiss and her parrots. That's ass with class!

DahBoner December 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Polly wants more than a cracker…

Biff December 4, 2011 at 10:34 pm

To a parrot, she may appear attractive. To most primates, or even most mammals, not so much.

Poindexter718 December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

It will begin with a presentation of birth certificates and end with Trump firing one candidate.
It will, in other words, be riveting television.

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 6:47 pm

If by riveting, you mean driving hot bolts of iron into our heads, then yes.

SexySmurf December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I'm going to tune in just to see how Rick Santorum reacts to Gary Busey stealing his glitter glue.

Flat_Earther December 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Will he use the air time to release the findings that his investigation has uncovered about Obama’s birth? I have been anxiously awaiting that blockbuster news.

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Last time Trump messed with Obama, Bin Laden ended up dead. Trump: American Hero?

SexySmurf December 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Ion Television? Is that the fuzzy channel between public access and Telemundo?

weejee December 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Probably should be on Anion TeeVee, since all these campaigning kleptocrats have collected far more Ameros, and electrons, than the law should allow, and singularly or collectively they are so acidic.

Chichikovovich December 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No, I think it's the one that shows the Aurora Borealis 24/7 when it's not showing negatively charged Republican candidates in an excited state.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 2, 2011 at 4:19 pm

It's next to Qubo, if you must know. The home of The Magic School Bus, Rescue Rangers, and the closeted homer-sexuals of the Zula Patrol!

HistoriCat December 3, 2011 at 11:17 am

Oooh – and the Book of Virtues! Nothing like having Bill Bennett moralize. I wonder if they get into frittering your money away on gambling?

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I surprised Newt didn't get in on that gig!

HistoriCat December 5, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Chump change. Newt only goes for the big money.

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I was deeply, deeply in love with Ms. Frizzle. I wondered where she'd run off to.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Still doing her thing, in syndication forever!!!

OneYieldRegular December 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I assume there will be mud wrestling?

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Nothing that classy.

SmutBoffin December 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Newsmax?! What kind of questions will they ask the candidates?
"What is your preferred brand of fallout shelter rations?"
"How does the testament of Jesus Christ influence your selection of concealed firearms?"
"HOW WILL YOU PURGE THE GOV'T OF FREEDOM-HATING SOCIALISTS – FIRE OR A HAIL OF BULLETS?"

Monsieur_Grumpe December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

How many pictures of Ronald Reagan do you carry in your wallet?

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Pretty sure the Newsmax folks consider Reagan a sell-out. Dealing with Tip! Arms for hostages!

An_Outhouse December 2, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Amnesty!

Biff December 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm

But just like raygun, they can't recall either.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm

"Would you like a copy of Sarah Palin's best selling book, Going Rogue?"

HarryButtle December 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Who's that hairy muppet behind Sam the Eagle? Looks awfully Muslin to me…

coolhandnuke December 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Here's how Obama can assure a landslide victory come November. Invite Donald Trump to the White House under the ruse to discuss economics or hair gels. Take him to a secluded spot–the Rose Garden works–then just pummel Trump with both Obama fists, knees, elbows, an Obama headbutt or two. This ass whupping will be filmed and sent live to every station and channel.

ThundercatHo December 3, 2011 at 9:52 am

Well, as long as we are engaging in fantasy. I would like to see our beloved FLOTUS, in some fierce leopard print outfit, slap the living shit out of Newt. I want to see him on the ground, his face covered in tears and blood-streaked snot crying like the pussy bitch he truly is.

weejee December 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm

We are hoping that whole Internet censorship thing is finished and enacted by then, so we don’t have to liveblog this pathetic bullshit.

Ken do you know yet where you will be renditioned? Gitmo, Lybia, Ubeckibeckstanstan, or did Hillz score you a cell in Burmashave Myanmar?

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Word on the street is that Ken's going to be renditioned here.

James Michael Curley December 2, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Somebody give me a location where Ion Television does not exist. I need a destination for my Christmas vacation.

Mumbletypeg December 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Alas, brave one — I will be returning to the workplace from the meager 'long weekend staycation' the day after this airs. My liver shudders to think.

natoslug December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I don't get Ion up here in the redwoods, but that may be due to my not having cable or an antenna. I'll have to re-enact the debate by getting as drunk and high as possible and arguing with the feces I plan on smearing on the walls. Those turds always have the worst rebuttals.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:38 pm

You can crash in my back room. I got only basic cable. This is why.

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:13 pm

"Mr. Romney, you've been accused of flip flopping more than my hair on a breezy day, how do you respond"?

mourningnmerica December 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

This reminds me that it would behoove Mitt to use Seger's "Like A Rock" as his campaign song. And not ironically. People are stupid. It might affect them, like subliminally.

Jukesgrrl December 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Please! Don't help him.

Mitt is less "like a rock" and more like the Diamoniques they sell on QVC. Manufactured to appear like a genuine article and sparkles with different color depending on which light it's under.

Callyson December 2, 2011 at 4:43 pm

"With all due respect, Mr Trump, that is not true. Your hair has not budged since 1987."

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I don't think it will be all that formal. He'll call Romney, Mitt and so on. Too bad we will not hear Donald say "You, the colored guy, what do you think?"

Texan_Bulldog December 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Oh boy, I believe the first person to utter a racial slur, threatens to shoot somebody or says they'll start a war with some poor unsuspecting brown-filled country wins this one hands down!

Jukesgrrl December 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Then it will be a very short "debate."

Barrelhse December 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Yeah, whoever goes first will probably utter them all as an opening run-on sentence.

teebob2000 December 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm

The "something" that happened to eliminate him as a viable candidate is that Obama figuratively cut off his balls then stuffed them in his mouth at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Exhibit A: http://bit.ly/vaRiPi please refer to the 9:30 mark

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Ouch. Might this explain why only morons are running for the GOP nomination?

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 9:29 pm

In his hands, a teleprompter is a lethal weapon.

ManchuCandidate December 2, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Compared to the rest of the GOP field minus the Invisible Huntsman, the short fingered vulgarian is almost sane.

Still, I think the world, humanity and even US America would be done a big favor if someone just rounded up all the Trumps, GOPers and Newsmax readers into a rocket and fired it into the sun.

Barrelhse December 2, 2011 at 5:31 pm

That would be a good solution, but don't sub it out to Russia.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Actually, so long as we loft them (and tons of rocket fuel) to any altitude, it's likely to end well. The Russians have that part down pretty well.

Biff December 2, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Icarus wept.

DemmeFatale December 4, 2011 at 11:49 am

Ha, ha!
Short fingered vulgarian!!
How great was "Spy?"
(Thank God for Wonkette!)

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

"Mr Hunstman, tell us how your experience as Ambassador to China will help you negotiate with China? Myself, I buy their drywall and flatscreens, I tell them this is America and I'm "The Donald" and the "games" are over."

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 4:09 pm

It would hilarious to see Jon Huntsman explain to The Donald why his plan to force China to pay taxes to the United States makes him the Stupidest Shit On The Planet.

mourningnmerica December 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

This just in: Coach Fine the new frontrunner in Republican Primary.

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 3:56 pm

He's still groping for a response.

Ancient_Hacker December 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Dang, now that doot doot do doot da do doot doot duh doot circus music refrain is going through my head and won't go away. Gee thanks, Wonkette, for that mental picture.

Barrelhse December 2, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Try playing it backwards- it really DOES say: tood hud tood tood od ad tood od tood tood.

prommie December 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

This is it, now, come on, this is just too fucking much. The short-fingered vulgarian hair-monster is going to turn the GOP primary into a Trump-branded Craptacular reality TV show, and the GOP clowns are going to allow it, hell, they are thrilled at the opportunity to perform beneath Trump's Big Top. No, no, no, no, this is not happening, this cannot be happening. Somebody must have put something in my drink. I am moving to the Languedoc, to the wilds of deepest, darkest France, if this is real. Look for me on my barge on the Canal du Midi.

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

The ringmaster is the biggest clown of all.

weejee December 2, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Taking a Locoboat Locaboat?

prommie December 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I want one of those dutch sailing barges.

DahBoner December 2, 2011 at 3:57 pm

By this logic, most decent Americans should have left during Japanese interment camps.

France wasn't an option back then…

Limeylizzie December 2, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I am all packed, mon ange.

finallyhappy December 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I'll bring the croissants

DemmeFatale December 4, 2011 at 11:52 am

At least the food will be better!

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Lousiest. Punk'd. Episode. EVER.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I will need to be really drunk to get through this debate… again.

Goonemeritus December 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

“Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax”

Who’s catching?

Baconzgood December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

It's been almost 2 hours since they had a debate. Time for another one.

DahBoner December 2, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Repetition creates desire. Oldest marketing trick, because it actually works.

See HP baby e-printer commercial…

Buckminster December 2, 2011 at 11:34 pm

God, it's not just me. Thank you, Bacon, thank you

mourningnmerica December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I'm going to skip that one and wait for the December 29th debate, which is being sponsored by NAMBLA, and moderated by Joe Paterno.

YouBetcha December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

My usual porn hasn't been doing it for me lately. This just might do the trick.

BarackMyWorld December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Only watching if he fires one of them at the end.

LesBontemps December 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No, he fires all of them and makes himself the GOP nominee.

Joshua Norton December 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Is it just me, or is The Donalde looking more and more like fat Elvis?

Jukesgrrl December 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm

With worse taste in clothing and interior design.

Buckminster December 2, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I heard he's installing a Jungle Room.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

The NewsMax questions should be precious: How many of you would favor impeaching President Obama for using a false Social Security number on his forged birth certificate? What will you do to reverse the influence of pro-Sharia organizations such as FOX News, the NRA and Butterball Turkeys? Should scientists be classified as cultists and shipped to the secret alien landing pad under Mt. Rushmore? And what are we going to do about the fluoride?!

Chillwaver December 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I can't wait to fire one of these assholes next November…

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

"Mrs Bachman, you have said you want to close the Embassy in Iran, why dont we just turn it into the most luxurious Embassy\Casino in the entire middle east?"

Walkinwiddaking December 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

" We let it go public and then declare bankruptcy." The Donald has a knack for generating wealth…. for himself.

Warpde December 4, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Well, he does have a way of Donald Ducking.
No disrespect to Walt.

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

"Mr Paul, you love gold, I really really love gold, on everything and anything, … no question really, we just both love gold".

Monsieur_Grumpe December 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

It'll be HUGE!

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm

"Yuge"..

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 6:40 pm

MG:

But classy. VERY classy.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Then there'll be the questions from the IonTV viewers:

"Oh, this isn't ESPN 4?"

ShitFilledExistence December 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm

"Is this gonna cut into Mama's Family?"

DemmeFatale December 4, 2011 at 11:55 am

Or ESPN "Ocho?"

BarackMyWorld December 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Newsmax? Really?

And when are the John Birch Society and the Michigan Militia debates being held?

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

And now the debate presented by C-SPAN and the Klu Klux Klan.

tihond December 2, 2011 at 3:58 pm

They'll be on Verses in January.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 4:12 pm

If they preempt hockey, I will be seriously pissed.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 6:40 pm

And the Roanoke TeaBagger Patriots' League and Chowder Society.

ShaveTheWhales December 2, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Federation.

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Jesus H. Tittyfucking Christ. I mean, really, what else can these rat fuckers do to embarrass this country?

Come here a minute December 2, 2011 at 3:28 pm

It's not easy
being green.

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I can't wait for Trump to start yelling at Ron Paul about his eyebrows… then Paul can point out that Trump should never criticize anything about anyone's hair.

Antispandex December 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Donald is the feel good example that the Teapublican's just love. I guy who fought and clawed his way to the top by hard work and his own resources. Just like the average American….who's dad is rich..and who never had to do a real days work in his whole life! Yep, just like you and me!

PhilippePetain December 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm

To be fair, Kermit's "Rainbow Connection" scandal all those years ago has probably excluded him from consideration in today's GOP.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Sam the Eagle is the only Real Amerikan among the bunch.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Sam the Eagle would have never ratted out Charlie Company in My Lai.

PhilippePetain December 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Sam the Eagle would have been too busy finking out those suspiciously semitic Libunatics, Statler and Waldorf.

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 6:34 pm

I'm afraid Kermit has fallen on hard times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57ta7mkgrOU

flamingpdog December 3, 2011 at 12:07 pm

But Miss Piggy has stood by her man all these years since.

Q: What's green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the Frog's middle finger.

DerrickWildcat December 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm

ION is a good channel that shows, "The Ghost Whisperer" all the time. It's a show about a girl that is a stripper (she might just dress like a stripper. This I am not totally clear on) that can see dead people and then she convinces them that they should just be happy being dead and then they go away.

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Is that the one with the once-thought-to-be-hot brunette whose head is shaped like a giant Tylenol?

Come here a minute December 2, 2011 at 4:09 pm

That must be the theme of the channel, because the Trump debate will convince anyone that they would be happy being dead.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 4:16 pm

It's really gone downhill since they took WWE's Friday Night Smackdown off and put it on Syfy.

finallyhappy December 2, 2011 at 5:48 pm

My husband liked that show- and I don't think the ghosts had anything to do with it.

ShaveTheWhales December 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

So, Sixth Sense: The Series?

Fukui_sanYesOta December 2, 2011 at 11:37 pm

That's the best description of that show I've ever seen.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:43 pm

You could totally right humorous television reviews. That's the best one I've seen on the Ghost Whisperer. lol

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 2, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Given Trump's and Newsmax's involvement, I assume that all of the questions will revolve around birth certificates and Kenyan quislings?

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 3:32 pm

“Our readers and the grass roots really love Trump,” said Christopher Ruddy, "Well they're not readers per se… more like… well… special."

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm

So, the Republican Presidential Campaign is now officially reality show fodder?

johnnyzhivago December 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

This was my idea right here the other day. The GOP is apparently getting it's television ideas from Wonkette comments!

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Ooo, really? Ive got one;

Mudslinging with Meghan. A "Crossfire" clone in which Megs discusses how hard it is to be a "more smarter" young Republican while mud wrestling the guest(s).

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Grass roots love the Donald. Larger, more intelligent vegetables prefer Kourtney.

swordfis December 2, 2011 at 3:36 pm

You call this pathetic bullshit? You must be kidding – this is the greatest emetic ever devised by Western medicine.

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

The mere fact that Cox Cable carries ION in their basic cable channel indicates how desperate the GOPers are.

boobookitteh December 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

While I'm sad that this will apparently pre-empt the seemingly endless Criminal Minds marathon on Ion, I am kind of excited for this because it will be the ultimate Crazy Clusterfuck.

But then I'm sad again because The Daily Show will be on hiatus. And then I'm even sadder because this is real life.

jus_wonderin December 2, 2011 at 3:45 pm

"And then I'm even sadder because this is real life."

I have yet to be convinced. In my reality, I am merely taking a shower while Pam Ewing is sleeping.

bebecca2298 December 3, 2011 at 10:09 am

Criminal Minds? Then it's the perfect place for a Republican debate.

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

“Lol. We look forward to watching Mitt and Newt suck-up to The Donald with a big bowl of popcorn.”

Jon Huntsman's response.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm

FW: Not overly grammatical, but quite funny!

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Liked they'd invite him to their Newsmax gathering. That's what's "LOL." about this.

HarryButtle December 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Ion's the network that plays "Criminal Minds" 24/7, isn't it? Can't think of a more appropriate venue for this…

boobookitteh December 2, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I have been desperately trying to start a twitter game called GOPDebate or Criminal Minds? But no one seems to want to play. Or maybe they just really can't tell the difference between a parade of sociopaths and sexual deviants and the characters on the show.

HarryButtle December 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Ion's airwaves will be full of pedophiles, murderers, and psychopaths…after which we can watch Joe Montegna solve crimes!

El Pinche December 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I predict he bankrupts at least 4 things before this terrible shindig.

DemmeFatale December 4, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Now where am I going to get my Trejo fix?

SudsMcKenzie December 2, 2011 at 3:45 pm

" Mr Cain, were both businessman, me I'm a very very successful billionaire, you, … hey, where did Herman go?, why isn't he here? he's so Omorosa."

bureaucrap December 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Can it really even be considered a debate if the only question is "don't you agree?" and the moderator doesn't wait to hear the answer?

MissTaken December 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

This is exactly what the GOP Debate O' Week has been missing: gold, hair, and insanely inflated egos.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

But they haven't all missed that; a few have been moderated by Wolf Blitzer.

paris biltong December 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Anything you can think of that says more emphatically "grandeur and decadence of the American empire"?

Terry December 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

"And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was “no longer a viable candidate.”"

He crowed himself King of the Birthers, then Obama released his long form birth certificate and it was all downhill for Trump from there.

Wouldn't it be nice, though, if Trump decided to use a phrase like "You're fired" to any candidate who talked too long or who disagreed with Trump's own views?

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm

That and NBC told him they'd cancel his flailing TV show if he wouldn't knock it off.

Sassomatic December 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Letting one of the tards drive the shortbus. Awesome. Pray for cliffs.

bflrtsplk December 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Does he get to decide who is hired or fired?

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Of course not. His Wall Street employers do. They do let him say it, though.

HistoriCat December 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm

That picture – it's Muppet libel!

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

It's a riches of embarrassment.

DahBoner December 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Please tell me the Intertubes got crossed and this is really a story from The Onion???

Chichikovovich December 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

OK, so I've never heard of this Ion channel, so "Google away". And on their welcome page they have an enormous ad for all the UFC ultimate fighting matches they are broadcasting.

I'm seeing some major crossover potential here.

starfanglednut December 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

It's on ION? Will it displace Without a Trace reruns?

ahhhhhh, runs screaming into the night

Extemporanus December 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

This is good news for Ron Paul's eyebrow.

starfanglednut December 2, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Another live blog? I've already cashed in all my sobriety chips.

gingerland62 December 2, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Great first paragraph. At some point the horror of it all has become completely hilarious.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 3:58 pm

It's going to be fun watching all the candidates try to sell the most hot dogs on Times Square.

Tommmcattt December 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm

OMG, you are brilliant. I would actually watch "The Apprentice" if it were a competition between these idiots. Plus: "Newt Gingrich- You're Fired!"

Awesome.

Dumbedup December 2, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Reality just beats snark every day now, surely a sign that this whole thing is wrapping up. probably time to start over anyway.

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Ion Television, Youon Television, today Weallson Television.

BlueStateLibel December 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Between this and "Women for Cain" how is possible to make fun anymore of the GOP when they're writing the jokes themselves now?

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 4:32 pm

That's the best part. They don't realize it. It's kind of like when the Tea Party first started up and they called themselves Tea Baggers. Only once they noticed that people were openly mocking them did they discover what the term meant.
Then they tried to blame it on the liberals as another attempt to discredit the movement.

MissTaken December 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Oh how I look forward to watching all the candidates verbally fellate The Donald and then washing it all down with some Trump Ice Spring Water
http://www.trump.com/Merchandise/Trump_Ice.asp

Monsieur_Grumpe December 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Just when you think it can't get any more pointless and stupid, wham! They bring in Trump.

An_Outhouse December 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Its a CHRISTMAS debate, not a HOLIDAY debate.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 4:13 pm

What? They won't have the traditional Festivus feat of strength?

ShitFilledExistence December 2, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Yeah–wtf? Conservatives are suddenly gettin' all secular on our ass?

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 4:53 pm

DAMN YOU, CREEPING SHARIA!

Jukesgrrl December 2, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Sorry to go all serious on you, but when is the Democratic Party going to demand its 2,750 hours of free TV time, across the full spectrum of channels, to deliver its rainbow coalition of opinions? No one could seriously claim these are debates. They are a range of conservative opinions — from dull to wingnuttiest — on how the country should be run if and when the Kenyan usurper is dislodged from the WHITE House he has no business being in.

This non-stop Obama-bashing is being broadcast to the idiot electorate week after week at little or no cost to the GOP — AND these stations can report to the FCC they did "public affairs programming." I know the Democrats already have their candidate, but the Republicans will have theirs, too, as soon as Rupe, Rog, and Rove come to an agreement with the Kochs. These "debates" are yet another way the Corporation Called America® can be the only voice heard by people who are too fat and lazy to get up and turn the channel after Repo Mayhem is over or their two-year-old accidentally tunes in CNN with the remote he's not supposed to touch.

Sorry … I'll get off my soapbox now … resume drinking, Wonkeratti. I know it's Friday and football is about to start.

Come here a minute December 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm

These debates are Obama campaign ads.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm

This non-stop Obama-bashing is being broadcast to the idiot electorate week after week at little or no cost to the GOP…

And, yet, it's having almost zero effect on the numbers. The president shouldn't even be in the running with the unemployment rate it is and the constant beating about the head he's been getting from the media over it…and yet, he remains.

You used the right word for unelecting him. "Dislodge". That's what they are going to have to do to get him out of there, 'cause he ain't leaving without a fight.

Come here a minute December 2, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Drink when Newt says fundamentally.

Nostrildamus December 2, 2011 at 7:13 pm

When I think Newt, I think fundament.

mavenmaven December 2, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I think this debate should be on AMC as part of the midseason finale of The Walking Dead.

DonnyKerabotsos December 2, 2011 at 4:31 pm

They can hold the debate in Hershel's barn.

finallyhappy December 2, 2011 at 5:50 pm

The midseason finale already happened(not very finale if you ask me) but Hershel's barn has better candidates.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Not easy being green it is.

- Yoda

DerrickWildcat December 2, 2011 at 4:15 pm

"What is your exit strategy for the War on Christmas?"

usernameguy December 2, 2011 at 4:21 pm

There's an entire cable network devoted to charged particles?

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Hey — without charged particles, television itself would be impossible.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 4:58 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

mormos December 2, 2011 at 4:28 pm

trump belongs on meet the feebles, not the muppet show.

Slim_Pickins December 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Why fire just one when the Donald can fire them all?

Callyson December 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm

the debate, which will be broadcast on the cable network Ion Television
Um, has anyone even *heard* of this network?

Callyson December 2, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Found it! Channel 30 for those of you stuck with Time Warner Cable in Los Angeles. Freak show is on!

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 4:53 pm

And it's actually a broadcast network you can get with an antenna (I had to look it up, but it's channel 61 my area). Good reporting, NY Times!

finallyhappy December 2, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Fios has it here in the metro Dc area- I do get it but I also get 6 shopping channels that I don't watch .

mrblifil December 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Nobody in their right mind would set time out of their day to get comfy in their living room and watch this shit show. This has to be a double-psyche where the whole point of the exercise is to scare people away from watching.

LiveToServeYa December 2, 2011 at 4:38 pm

So … how can these things get more ludicrous? Jello wrestling would only lift them out of the depths.

NorbertsRevenge December 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I'm imaging the candidates each in a sort of phone booth filled to neck level with maggots and they have to eat their way to the bottom where there's a briefcase filled with 10 million TrumpBucks, with a picture of Donald's ugly grill on each one.

widestanceshakedown December 2, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Since I can't stomach another one of these gaffe generators, I'll be inserting multiple toothpicks into my eyes for relief.

ProgressiveInga December 2, 2011 at 4:50 pm

2 words:
Shame. Less.

fuflans December 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm

holiday republican debate

worst fucking holiday ever.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Remember when Lewis Black showed several photos and asked people to pick which interiors were Donald Trump hotels and which were Saddam Insane's palaces?

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

"Newsmax" and Donald Chump – there's a pair you can draw to!

voodooeconomics December 2, 2011 at 5:14 pm

God help them if they interfere with a bowl game.
Best thing that could happen would be for Beck to also get involved. Then this Messican/ Republican Soap Opera could pull some ratings.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I think everybody should wear Mexican wrestling masks.

Biff December 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

So says El Asso Wipo, so say we all!

Beowoof December 2, 2011 at 5:28 pm

It's gonna be HUGE

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm

But enough about Trump's ego….

That's what Gingrich told Callista … about his belly.

But, alas, The Undefeated did not sweep the nation.

mookwrthwilson December 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I guess ION had to fill up airtime after Harold Camping called it quits.

datateday December 2, 2011 at 5:55 pm

The biggest thing Donald Trump could ever do is reveal his hair to be an ambiguous dyed blonde critter plucked straight out of the dark forest of enmity and disdain…

littlebigdaddy December 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

If Newsmax can sponsor a debate, why not Wonkette? Of course, we would have some unusual groundrules, such as dunking candidates in vats of water every time they say something clinically insane.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 2, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Forcing all the other candidates to yell "DRINK!" each time Ron Paul mentions the Fed.

littlebigdaddy December 2, 2011 at 8:15 pm

They'd be fishing them out of the sewers every half an hour.

DustBowlBlues December 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

And the best part, instead of bitching about live blogging the next in the bottomless pit that are Repubtard debates, Ken can be moderator. The Onion would probably love to go in with us on it. Seriously, how hard must the writers at The Onion be pressed, trying to write stories more absurd than reality?

We and the few other sane people still living in this country are spectators trapped in the Freak Show of an infinite sideshow. Stop the World, I want to get off.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 2, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I'd pay good money to see Ken moderate one of these things.

It'd have to be in CA so he can smoke an enormous (medical) bifter and drink whiskey whilst excoriating these pigeon-chested fools for not even remotely addressing the question.

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 6:29 pm

but they don’t see him as owned by the Washington establishment, the media establishment

Are you fucking high? The reality show host…this attention whore by which all other attention whores are judged is not, what…fuck.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Newsmax and Donald Chump – talk about your LameStream Media!

witsendnj December 2, 2011 at 6:51 pm

You really haven't lived (vicariously) until you've seen this film, Born Rich, by J&J heir, Jamie Johnson – which includes interviews with other trust fund bunnies, like Ivanka, and Georgina Bloomberg. Enjoy, Wonketters! http://witsendnj.blogspot.com/2011/11/1.html

Biff December 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm

We are hoping that whole Internet censorship thing is finished and enacted by then, so we don’t have to liveblog this pathetic bullshit.

Jesus, Layne–you've forgotten whose side the censors will be are on.

Dok-cupy Everything December 2, 2011 at 7:39 pm

So it's a circus? Does this mean Olivia Munn will get nekkid to protest it?

MilwaukeeKent December 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Trump's fortune was not ill-gotten, he slid out of the womb into it like any other man. President Trump (but really, casino? Bankrupt? Run my country!). Has the Weekly World News sponsored a debate yet, maybe with Coast To Coast? Moderated by George Nouri if Ed Anger isn't available.

ttommyunger December 2, 2011 at 8:27 pm

ION? Let me guess: "Idiots Only Network".

sbj1964 December 2, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Trump is a Ass monkey ! Conan O'brian does his hair,and He did not mention God in his thanksgiving how too foreclose on homeowners speech?

DustBowlBlues December 2, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Buck up, Ken. I have a feeling that this one's going to be such a kooky mashup of talking points and ultra right-wing conspiracy (aka urban myths) theories that even the discerning intellectuals who are proud to be called the wonkeratti can't demand the editor makes his or her responses in full sentences. "Shit" "Fuck "Jesus" "Kill me now. No, kill that nutcase" etc. will be as much as anyone will be able to say.

Oops. Prophets of Science Fiction is on the teevee, and I need to get a Sunday School lesson ready.

cletar December 2, 2011 at 10:54 pm

America's Teensiest Cable Channel and a rightwing nutball website expect candidates to go to Des Moines right after Christmas to get berated by Donald Trump? That's crazy. Won't the candidates all want to spend the holidays with their wives and mistresses?

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax

Honestly, that's the end of the thread. Nothing else needed to be said.

Mr. Trump’s role in the debate, which will be broadcast on the cable network Ion Television, is sure to be one of the more memorable moments in a primary season that has already delivered its fair share of circus-like spectacle.

The NYT wiggled it's way partially back into my heart with that one. It's nice to see people call it like it is. It's terrible that it happens so infrequently.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 2, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Perhaps The Donald is gearing up to milk sweet cashola as a speaker on the next NewsMax cruise?

How's the computer btw?

Buckminster December 2, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Boy, this should beat the hell out of that MTV stooge's Rockin' New Year's Eve special in the ratings. Not.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 11:49 pm

It's a trap!

You know who else got all his rivals into a room?

Tundra Grifter December 3, 2011 at 10:15 am

Karl Rover?

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Tonya Harding?

DahBoner December 3, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Leon Redbone?

LiveToServeYa December 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

The Joker?

Barb December 3, 2011 at 12:25 am

Newt is now claiming that people are able to take their food stamps and go on a trip to Hawaii with them. Like Michele's claim that Gardacil causes mental retardation, I would like to know a SOLID example of this happening. You can't just throw this crap out there and have it sound credible.

"You don't get food stamps. You get a credit card and the credit card can be used for anything." Oh yeah? Once Tiffany's starts taking food stamp debit cards, I will believe that it is a "credit card."

Fukui_sanYesOta December 3, 2011 at 12:48 am

Politifact rated that bullshit as Pants On Fire, unsurprisingly.

Can food stamps "be used for anything"?

No. The food stamp program — which, we should point out, has officially been known as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or SNAP, since October 2008 — has very precise rules about what can and cannot be paid for.

Barb December 3, 2011 at 1:44 am

I have friends who will swear that they witness food stamp recipients buying porterhouse steaks and Alaskan King crab legs and then loading them into their Cadillac car.

Newt seems to be hostile toward poor people, even suggesting that kids should be put to work.

I was 1 of 9 children, the 3 youngest were girls. At age 12, I babysat 5 kids, did all of the housework and laundry for a DOLLAR an hour. I was paid by a post-dated check and didn't even have a freaking bank account to cash those checks with. At age 15, I got working papers and worked as a waitress five nights a week for 4 hours. The meal I got at work was the only time I was able to afford to eat all day and it was french fries (I DETEST french fries) and whatever could be grilled quickly. My tips got left on the counter at home every night for my sisters to be able to buy lunch at school and whatever endless school expense that came up. Then I went home and I would help my mom go to her job cleaning offices for most of the night.

My mom received food stamps and I remember that she couldn't buy pet food with them and I couldn't get the kitten/puppy that I really wanted. I shared Totino's-like shittified frozen pizzas with mystery meat with my sisters and I don't remember ever going to Hawaii. My "big thing" in life was getting that $2.65, per hour minimum wage check at age 15, and going to the Kroger store and getting Sprite soda, a magazine, Doritos and some tampons.

I expect that Newt's next lie is going to be that kids who receive free lunches at school can use their benefits to buy Omaha Steaks and have them delivered.

Making kids work adult jobs just makes them exhausted, poor students who, occasionally, have Doritos and tampons that I had to share with my two sisters.

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 9:10 am

WWJD? Someone should tell Newt what it actually says in the Bible:

James 2:8 Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord's command, "You must love and help your neighbors just as much as you love and take care of yourself."

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 9:25 am

Repubicans like to extol the family as the cornerstone of society. To them, that's just code meaning single mothers and non-heterosexuals are not part of society, barbarians, if you will.

But your story illustrates how families are that cornerstone. Because families have to face every problem society throws at them. They adapt and evolve. Some fail, but stronger families emerge. Families with same-sex parters who adopt otherwise unwanted children, older adults raising their grandchildren because their own children are unemployed, sisters working minimum wage so her siblings can have lunch money.

What angers me is the pride people like Newt take in pushing down those who exemplify those very American qualities of generosity, lending a hand, sharing. God, that pisses me off. Thank you for being their opposite Barb.

Barb December 3, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Aww, thanks JustPixels!
Jeff and I move in together during the month of May. For Mother's Day, he donated $500.00 to the Roadrunner Food Bank in my mother's name. My sister, Nancy told me that he should have gotten a gift for me instead. What a bitch!

Tundra Grifter December 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

Barb:

I was a grocery store cashier, and food stamps could only be used for food. You had to eat it to pay for it with food stamps.

Elderly folks would come through my line and try to purchase pet food with food stamps. I always let them do it, because I didn't want anyone telling me they planned to eat it themselves.

Tundra Grifter December 3, 2011 at 10:16 am

This is a replay of St. Ronnie Reagan's "Welfare Cadillac Mother" lie. Like so many of his favorite stories – just made up.

Tundra Grifter December 3, 2011 at 10:21 am

Barb:

The Heritage Foundation and its minions is pushing the lie that poor folks in America really aren't so poor. I mean, compared to people living in the slums of Rio or Bombay (just I know they changed the name – I can't spell Mumbi) the USofA poor have it made!

Then they add the lie poor people don't pay their fair share of taxes – basically they are freeloaders.

It really makes me look forward to November 2012, when the right wing nutz get shellacked. Again.

slowhansolo December 3, 2011 at 3:15 am

Whatever, just wake me when Chuck Norris teams up with Stormfront for a GOP "debate" on whatever network Vince McMahom is with that week.

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 8:57 am

I'm a little late to this party, but who did Jon Stewart have to suck-off to get Donald Trump to host a Repubican debate? I may not watch the event, but — as God is my witness — I WILL NOT MISS THE DAILY SHOW THE NEXT DAY.

DahBoner December 3, 2011 at 11:52 am

Donald Trump: Do you ever go shopping for "daddy butter" or "turtle mix"?
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl

Schmegeg December 4, 2011 at 1:07 am

Please have this at the Taj in Atlantic City. And please PLEASE comp me some tickets.

DustBowlBlues December 4, 2011 at 3:07 pm

When will this happen? Please tell me it will be televised.

Warpde December 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Maybe we will get lucky and he will just fire all their asses.

flamingpdog December 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Awesome story, Barb! The next time your bitch-sis wants to borrow a tampon, tell her you have a used one she can have.

P. S. "tampons that I had to share with my two sisters" might have been worded a little differently to save me an initial "ewwwww."

JustPixelz December 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Roadrunners have a food bank? You better check to see if it has an anvil hanging over it.

Barb December 3, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Have you ever seen a roadrunner in real life? That are amusing clown birds and fun to watch.

OhNoGuy December 4, 2011 at 8:45 pm

It's ALIVE!!!!!!!!

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