JUST LIKE MARCUS BACHMANN DID  11:10 am December 2, 2011

Michele Bachmann Kindly Offers To Let Gays Get Straight Married

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Just to clarify: Michele Bachmann isn’t offering to let gays get married in the same way straight people do, she’s offering to let gays marry people of the opposite sex if they feel the need to be able to get hitched so badly. This is how “civil rights” works, according to someone with a mail-order law degree. “[Gay people] can get married,” she says, “But they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.” So many options!

After Bachmann delivered a pandering sermon about tolerance and government protection of civil rights to a group of high school students, one thoughtful youngster managed to ask the obvious:

JANE SCHMIDT: Why can’t a man marry a man?

BACHMANN: Because that’s not the law of the land.

JANE SCHMIDT: So heterosexual couples have a privilege.

BACHMANN: No, they have the same opportunity under the law. There is no right to same-sex marriage.

God, we are too tired of this woman to even try to solve that Rubix blob of illogic except to point out that gay marriage is lawful in Iowa, where she was speaking. But not in Minnesota, which makes a pretty good legal theory for how she ended up married to Marcus Bachmann! [HuffPo]

 

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{ 231 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] December 2, 2011 at 11:11 am

She also suggested that said weddings take place at the US Embassy in Tehran.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

GT[R]:

If they want to get married in Miami, they better learn to speak Cuban. Just ask Herman Cain for details.

OneDollarJuana December 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm

More good news: Perry agrees that gays can vote at age 21.

Baconzgood December 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm

John Wayne Casey can do it for less than Min. Wage.

prommie December 2, 2011 at 11:13 am

She was just pointing out the law's majestic equality.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

prommie:

We don't get enough Anatole France snark here on Wonkette.

Well played!

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 11:48 am

And her plan works fine for me; a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Tommmcattt December 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

So THAT"S it! I was wondering what the Birkenstocks and plaid shirts were all about!

prommie December 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Don't forget the Subaru!

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Yeah, I figured the Subaru wagon would have been the more obvious giveaway.

But then if you go by that criterion, fully half the people in my Pacific NW region would be lesbians (of either gender).

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm

That means that pretty much everybody in Boulder, Colorado is a lesbian. No wonder I can't get a date.

But then I've often wondered if I myself were a lesbian trapped in a man's body, too. What'sja doing after work today, caveman?

Terry December 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

If a Subaru is a tell, then Fairbanks would have a bigger rainbow parade than San Francisco.

yrbmegr December 2, 2011 at 3:15 pm

"Because that's the law" is no answer. We make our own damn laws.

hagajim December 2, 2011 at 11:14 am

What part of equal does this dipshit not get? Idiot!

JustPixelz December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

She doesn't get the part where federal taxes are lower for man-woman marriages. She loves high taxes for non-heterosexuals.

LettucePrey December 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

See, all rights are equal. But some rights are more equal than others.

YasserArraFeck December 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

One Dick Good, Two Dicks Bad!!

ProgressiveInga December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

Two Dicks 2012!

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 12:07 pm

That's (gonna be) the ticket.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Two Dicks, one cup?

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Animal Farm snark is also highly appreciated.

emmelemm December 2, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Agreed.

OneDollarJuana December 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Apparently you haven't seen "Behind the Green Door". Four Dicks Good!

slithytoves December 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm

The student challenging her has more logic circuits in two brain cells than Bachman has in her entire head.

kissawookiee December 2, 2011 at 2:32 pm

"What part of [ _______ ] does this dipshit not get? Idiot! "

This is the Acme Products All-Purpose gizmo of questions posed about Michele Bachman.

donner_froh December 2, 2011 at 11:14 am

Michele is a couple of months past "stick a fork in her, she's done". Someone should tell her.

skaboomizzy December 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

It's not like Marcus has stuck anything in her the last few years…

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

Don't you stick a fork in something to find out whether it's done? Whatever: fork Miche1e Bachmann!

user-of-owls December 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Maybe she's like an Oxtail soup or a Boeuf Bourguinon and just needs to cook for a really long time before she gets tender.

Nah, more like this.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

She's starting to smell funny. Someone should have a look at her "use by" date.

RadioYKWE December 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The sixteenth minute of fame is the most tiresome.

fuflans December 2, 2011 at 4:28 pm

pwnd by a teen is today's 'jumping the shark'.

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

BACHMANN: No, they have the same opportunity under the law. There is no right to same-sex marriage.*

*Except where it is a right, like in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, and Vermont.

JustPixelz December 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

Right! I didn't hear her object to those laws. She supports same-sex marriage where it is the law of the land.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 11:35 am

I'm sure she'll be finding an exception to the states' rights doctrine real soon concerning that, just like Rick Perry did.

Tommmcattt December 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Heheh. Suck on THAT, Bachmann! Coming to a state near you!

memzilla December 2, 2011 at 12:34 pm

How come her head doesn't assplode from ignoring states' rights on this one?

OneYieldRegular December 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Oh, you and your facts.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 1:27 pm

According to the Taliban here in Iowa, same-sex marriage will be Constitutionally abolished , just as soon as they can take over the Democratic Controlled Senate and get it on a ballot to be voted on, because the majority of Iowans demand it.
Of course, polls show that the majority of Iowans don't care if gays want to get married or not, and they recently lost a special election for a Senate seat running on the pledge to abolish same-sex marriage.
These people have already endorsed Michele Bachmann.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I heartily endorse their policy of running on that pledge, every election for the next several decades.

Trannysurprise December 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

And DC.

Terry December 2, 2011 at 1:34 pm

and Maine. Don't forget that L.L. Bean now sells ass-less chinos.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Well it's about time … makes getting a good fit a whole lot easier.

Terry December 2, 2011 at 1:44 pm

For most men, removing fabric from the front to accommodate a gut would be a better idea. Men tend to lose their arses as they age and gain real estate around the midsection.

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Men tend to lose their arses as they age and gain real estate around the midsection.

It's… it's like you know me.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:03 pm

You know, you're just going to *confuse* the poor, idiotic bitch. Lookit, this is someone who can't tell the difference between John Wayne (whose REAL name wasn't EVEN John OR Wayne) and John Wayne Gacy (whose real name was BOTH John AND Wayne). She can't tell the difference between the anniversary of someone's death and their birth. And you want her to know that ALL THOSE STATES have gay marriage laws?

Oy!

memzilla December 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

Liberté, égalité, retardité!

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

Quit usin' all them 50-franc words! (Sorry, 5-Euro words!)

Biel_ze_Bubba December 2, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Spent extra Euros for the accent aigu option package, too. Memzilla's living the high life, no question about it.

kissawookiee December 2, 2011 at 2:34 pm

En Gardasil!

SheriffRoscoe December 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Best laugh I've had all week.

Veritas78 December 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm

STOP PICKING ON TRIG!!! Or whichever moran is in the rotation, also.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:10 pm

The way they do, you'd think he was their nose.

coolhandnuke December 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

Bachmann added; "The day when an Adam and Steve can marry and pollute the institution of marriage, is the day when we send a man to the moon."

ChernobylSoup December 2, 2011 at 12:58 pm

And we'll close our embassy in Iran before either one of those things happen.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:11 pm

We'll end ties with the Soviet Union, also. Too.

EatsBabyDingos December 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

So, if Marcus married Ann Coulter, would that violate the space-time continuum?

A manly woman for every womanly man. The rest of you just get porn.

El Pinche December 2, 2011 at 11:22 am

Something's getting violated considering Coulter's 9 inch cock and Marcus' poop-vagina. I'll download and watch that shit.

GunToting[Redacted] December 2, 2011 at 11:24 am

do not want

Tommmcattt December 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Look, I'm not saying Ann Coulter has a penis, but if she does we're not talking about any nine inches. The way she overcompensates we're talking three, maybe four inches at best.

elviouslyqueer December 2, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Ann and the Angry Inch.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 3:08 pm

No wonder why he's angry all the time.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Anybody with Javier Bardem for their av has NO business talking about Marcus' cloaca like that.

yrbmegr December 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm

mAnn is a womanly man trapped inside the body of a manly woman.

Swampgas_Man December 2, 2011 at 11:05 pm

As a man who lurks and drools over women's bodybuilding and hardcore butch lesbian sites, I endorse this idea.

edgydrifter December 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

According to the Constitution, Michele is free to go fuck herself.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:13 pm

And don't we ALL wish she would, most especially Marcus who was praying he'd never have to "do duty" again.

Barb December 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Michele then went on to tell this brave teen, " Founding Fathers worked tirelessly until homosexuality was no more."

freakishlywrong December 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

One wonders if she would allow Jebus to marry his dinosaur?

Barb December 2, 2011 at 11:46 am

Only is Jesus isn't gay or the dino isn't one of those gay Assosaures.

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Even worse, a Triassic dinosaur!

paris biltong December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

So that's why they used to ask you if you were a homosexual or a communist on US visa applications. Kept America free from both.

Negropolis December 3, 2011 at 1:02 am

The Founding Fathers were a bunch of drag queens, what with their lace and powdered wigs and what-not. Where were ye, olde white wimmenz at? Hengh?

Wonderthing December 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

"If you are a cat you can marry a dog. If you are a pig you can marry a frog. I am a witch and I married a warlock. I'm trapped in my car cause I can't work the door lock." MB

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm

If Che1y gets trapped in the car because she can't work the door lock, then she needs BlondeStar.

BaldarTFlagass December 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

Rick Santorum wants to know if the law allows you to gay-marry a dog, or if the dog has to be of the opposite sex.

Callyson December 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm

My dog wants to know if the law allows him to bitch – slap Rick Santorum, or if the dog has to restrain himself to endless barking and growling at him.

Dudleydidwrong December 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Tell little Ricky to ask our legal espurt Clarence Thom-ass. He knows all about those things like man-on-dog stuff.

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Tell him to get the hell outa the dog and THEN we'll answer his question.

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Outside of a dog, Rick Santorum is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, Rick Santorum is too hard to … EWWWW!!

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

"…not the law of the land…"?

Given all of the rules and regulations that you are going to change… this could be one of 'em… no?

FlownOver December 2, 2011 at 11:21 am

Now, now… everyone has the right to free speech. Even hideous, hypocritical, bigoted morans who should be fed into the nearest wood chipper.

DaRooster December 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

Just don't be a gay hideous, hypocritical, bigoted moran…

FatalServerErrorFace December 2, 2011 at 11:25 am

… flash frozen first for maximum chippage…

YasserArraFeck December 2, 2011 at 11:41 am

Kindling Libel!!!

memzilla December 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

Someone, please, for her own good, kidnap Ol' Crazy Eyes and have a "Pray Away The Stupid" intervention.

Dudleydidwrong December 2, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Does that "intervention" involve putting a bag over her head?

donner_froh December 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

This idiot must be campaigning to make sure that no one votes for her, ever.

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Whoever's doing oppo for the next Dem candidate in her district isn't going to have to work very hard, that's for sure.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 1:34 pm

She did an Q & A session at the University of Northern Iowa this week, focusing on education.
The answer to every question was to abolish the Department of Education, lower taxes, and return control of the schools back to local governments.
The University of Northern Iowa was formerly known as The Iowa State Teacher's College and the majority of graduates major in Education and go on to the teaching vocation.
She was largely met with boos from the audience, except for the attendees that were shipped in by the Black Hawk County Republiklan Party.

Chichikovovich December 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

I think we should close down all Christian churches immediately. This is not religious discrimination against Christians, because we're also prohibiting Jews, Moslems, Hindus, Athiests, Agnostics, Pastafarians, Buddhists, etc. from worshiping at Christian churches.

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 11:28 am

LOL

JohnyEdge December 2, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I used to be a Pastafarian, but then I got excommunicated for eating rice.

flamingpdog December 2, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Gary Hart? Is that you?

El Pinche December 2, 2011 at 11:25 am

Good lord..will this illogical wombat disappear already???

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

You have to wonder who would give money to her campaign. Even in Iowa people are smart enough to say, "Well, yes she was born here, but that doesn't mean I have to vote for her. We've suffered enough with Steve King."

Angry_Marmot December 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm
El Pinche December 2, 2011 at 12:32 pm

The Wombat, the honeybadger's r3t4rded little brother.

MildMidwesterner December 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

In Bachmann's world, the little plastic bride on top of the wedding cake will wear a beard.

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Idea for a sitcom: Lesbian couple and gay-guy couple, frustrated over the lack of benefits etc., agree to marry each other's partner, and of course they all live in the same house, none of their parents/neighbors/co-workers know they're gay, etc. etc.

This would work.

Biff December 2, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Isn't that the premise that got the new "Playboy Club" show canceled?

GOPCrusher December 2, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Sounds like a Will And Grace spin off.

Lascauxcaveman December 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm

…and since this is an American sitcom, both the guys are fat and schlumpy, and both the gals are hawt. Lipstick lesbians being far more marketable, of course.

So maybe more of a spinoff of Sara Silverman's show.

CrankyLttlCamperette December 2, 2011 at 4:39 pm

In the days of DADT, I knew of a pair of gay couples who did exactly this to keep their partners and benefits. Sadly, wacky hijinks did not ensue…

WootInTarnation December 3, 2011 at 4:58 am

It does work! knew 2-3 couples in the late 80s-early 90s who set up households like that. A couple of the spouses were military and every partner wanted the rights and financial benefits automatically gained through marriage.

These are just people I knew. I'm sure this solution has been practiced many, many times in the previous decades and centuries. The one gay woman/one gay man solution has been put into practice tens of thousands of times.

Chillwaver December 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

This is essentially the definition of "Compassionate Conservatism."

weejee December 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

Mmmmm, if Marcus had been a fur-trapping Froggie, would we have Grosse Bite National Park in Wyoming instead of Grand Teton?

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

My wingnut relatives complain that the left is always trying to tell people how to live their lives, while these busybody loons on the right happily tell people who their allowed to fucking LOVE.

Jesus Christ on an ice cream cone.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 12:13 pm

That's because conservatives believe freedom only applies to straight white Christian men.

Steverino247 December 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm

What kind of nails do you use on an ice cream cone?

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Dip 'em in liquid nitrogen first, they'll stick just fine.

(fixed)

Steverino247 December 2, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Thanks, buddy! See you at the robe auction…

Naked_Bunny December 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Yeah, but, c'mon, the government might regulate incandescent light bulbs, and you just know it's liberals behind that infringement on my freedom.

JustPixelz December 2, 2011 at 11:28 am

I assume she'll be telling the right-to-lifers to shut the fuck up because Roe v Wade is the law of the land too. Just like minimum wage laws. And the Affordable Care Act (aka "Obamacare").

Joshua Norton December 2, 2011 at 11:28 am

Hell, if it's good enough for Michele and Marcus, it's damned well good enough for everybody else!!1!11!!1

(I also understand they can't have anymore children – the way they do it.)

BigDumbRedDog December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

She just wants to make sure everyone else is trapped into a loveless, miserable sham of a marriage, just like her. That's only fair.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 11:37 am

Hey, at least she's practicing what she preaches for a change.

snackypants December 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Just practicing her love!

BarackMyWorld December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

Gay men can and do marry the opposite sex. Example.

paris biltong December 2, 2011 at 11:57 am

Call that sex?

LettucePrey December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

I guess they didn't teach Loving v. Virginia or Zablocki v. Redhail at that fancy unaccredited Jesus law school.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 11:30 am

So she basically just admitted to being a beard; either that or she's just too stupid to realize how her statement feeds into the common perception of Marcus.

El Pinche December 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

I'm leaning toward the latter. I think she's too stupid to realize those young hot rentboys are not Marcus' golf caddies.

widestanceshakedown December 2, 2011 at 11:54 am

Hey, now, he has a bad back, but not from getting reamed on car hoods, and lifting his own luggage requires way more personal responsibility than even a Republican can be expected to have.

Isyaignert December 3, 2011 at 1:18 am

All of the 23 foster children Michelle and Marcus had were girls. Hmmmm.

Goonemeritus December 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

Intelligent design isn’t the backed up by the scientific community yet she has found room in her heart to celebrating diversity there. I suggest Michele lets the free market work and lets gays of legal age choose who they would rather marry. Judging from her husbands choices some gay men may indeed chose the beard route.

SheriffRoscoe December 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

Michele has the lawful right to do many things as well: marry Marcus, run for wingnut president, kiss my ass…..

tihond December 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

Michele then went on to say "If man were meant to lay with another man, god would have given them a penis-sized hole."

tihond December 2, 2011 at 11:39 am

Marcus then tapped her on the shoulder and said "I can name three."

thebeatgoeson December 2, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Three? I haz a confuzed.

johnnyzhivago December 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

Gay marriage LEGAL in Iowa???? I say close our embassy there RIGHT AWAY!!!!

horsedreamer_1 December 2, 2011 at 4:42 pm

At least, end the ethanol subsidies. No corporate welfare for Sodomites.

bebecca2298 December 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

Thank you Captainess Obvious.

What if you had been prohibited from marryin Marcus, the man of your dreams? Oh wait, that argument probably doesn't work here….

Biff December 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

Subliminally I saw that as Captainess Oblivious, which would make too much sense.

bebecca2298 December 2, 2011 at 12:22 pm

wish I'd thought of that…

ifthethunderdontgetya December 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

So John Cornyn can get gay-married to a box turtle, as long as it's a lady turtle?

(Too bad for you, Mitch!)
~

Biff December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

Well that gives snapper a whole new <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snapping turtle">meaning, doesn't it?

Damned intense debate, anyway…

Thurman Munster IV December 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

Shelly's pretzel logic deserves a Steely Dan. But she won't do it again without a fez on.

prommie December 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

And we thought that band was somehow "cool." Until "hey 19," at least. "The fine co-lum-bian, makes tonight a wonderful thing." Gives me douche-chills.

Isyaignert December 3, 2011 at 1:20 am

Hey 19 – My favorite fukkin' song evah!

Mumbletypeg December 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm

"No married gays in the promised land
There's no holey ground, if you let them show;
Any mandate in this Ego Grande
Tells her "Queen of the World — as far as I know!"

flamingpdog December 3, 2011 at 12:06 am

♫ Oh, no, William and Mary won't do now. ♫

WootInTarnation December 3, 2011 at 5:47 am

And she might want to keep in mind, since she's "RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES!," that something will have to be done about Marcus:

Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the Custerdome

mereoblivion December 2, 2011 at 11:35 am

In the alternate universe where I unfortunately get to spend far too little of my time (especially on weekdays), cameras and microphones are sentient beings who long ago ceased to acknowledge the existence of Mrs Marcus B.

hagajim December 2, 2011 at 11:37 am

Maybe Michelle was just trying to tell the little high schooler how she and Marcus have worked the system. Get married straight and then assfuck away on the side.

Biff December 2, 2011 at 12:02 pm

And this is why she will flip her support to Newt when she finally realizes she's going nowhere in her campaign.

Joshua Norton December 2, 2011 at 11:37 am

It's kind of obvious that God now realizes he should have given Adam more options. Especially since observing how badly the wingnutter fundies have fucked everything up.

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

If gay folks could get married, then they would be able to take care of foster children.

The Baby Farmer doesn't want the competition.

snackypants December 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Gay foster parents don't deserve the tax credits!

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

BACHMANN: No, they have the same opportunity under the law. There is no right to same-sex marriage.

Could a tenther please fucking explain to me how, if they don't find a right specifically enumerated in the Constitution, it doesn't exist? Because that's exactly what the Tenth Amendment covers — unless it comes to gay marriage or abortion or the right to protest the banks stealing your house, apparently.

SorosBot December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

(Psst: I think you mean the Ninth Amendment).

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Dammit, there I go again, shooting my keyboard off before I make sure of what I'm saying. Thanks.

Mumbletypeg December 2, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Ninth, Ninth, Ninth!

Crowe2011 December 2, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Putting on my retard hat for a moment, it's because certain concepts are presumed to not require formal definitions. So the words 'freely to assemble' aren't defined because their meaning is clear and unambiguous; freely to assemble not in parks, not with tents and for only a 3 hour period in parts of Texas. Similarly 'marriage' doesn't require definition because it clearly means the union of a man and a woman; the only people who dispute that are LBGT folks and as we all know they don't count.

Seriously though, Marcus Bachmann availed himself of the right the law gives men to marry women, why can't other gay men do likewise?

SheriffRoscoe December 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

So once a thing is the "law of the land" it should be forevermore set in stone, never to be altered? BREAKING: MICHELE BACHMANN IS PRO-ABORTION RIGHTS.

notgross December 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

"They" can marry? Is Michelle encouraging plural marriage? I guess 2 guys could marry a girl and the 2 guys can go off an do whatever they want together…

FidoMcCokefiend December 2, 2011 at 11:48 am

This is where my invention the "Clapper Taser" would have come in handy, when the retards clap each time to support their stupidity, they'd be tazed. Bro.

cjlyc December 4, 2011 at 11:19 am

I would like to ask all those clappers how happy they would be when THEIR daughter marries a gay man. Or, like everything else in Fundyville, that only happens to other people.

widestanceshakedown December 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

Because those sham marriages have a track record no one can dispute, right?

Baconzgood December 2, 2011 at 11:52 am

I love this woman. I hope she never leaves the news. Every time she talks it makes me laugh and cry at the same time. God did tell her to run. The God of snark.

slithytoves December 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

God did tell her to run. Because God loves me.

ShaveTheWhales December 2, 2011 at 7:39 pm

AND, it keeps her out of the House.

Negropolis December 3, 2011 at 1:07 am

And, truly, that god is an awesome, giving god. The snark god rarely taketh awayeth, let me tell you.

anniegetyerfun December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

I would love to see her eyes explode out of her head if someone actually kept pushing One L on this topic. "Oh, really? There was a time when Christians like you believed that interracial marriage was not the law of the land. Do you believe that?"

I'm aware that there are people in Kentucky who still believe this.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Well we all know the Bible supersedes the Constitution, and since Michele is a Christian first and an American second, the LORD specifically informs her what the real law of the land is.

Neat trick: substitute Qur'an/Muslim/Allah for Bible/Christian/LORD above and you turn instantly from a patriot to a traitor.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 3, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Obviously, you have to pay attention to which God we're one nation under.

Steverino247 December 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm

There are people in Kentucky, but they're from someplace else and only working/stationed there.

smitallica December 2, 2011 at 11:53 am

"All of us as Americans have the same rights. We have the same civil rights."

NO WE FUCKING DON'T, YOU CUNT!! THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!!!!

WootInTarnation December 3, 2011 at 5:59 am

Psst, pass it on: I think she's trying to call us "un-American." There are Dominionists who believe that we queers should be transported to inhospitable places, much like the English did to criminals, the Irish, the Scots and the Roma,

While England did a pretty good job, they've really got to give it up for STALIN! When he wasn't making some damn fine omelettes, he was chucking ethnic groups into cattle cars and sending them thousands of miles from their historical lands, usually to Siberia, but if you were lucky, you could get Kazahkstan. Or a gulag.

paris biltong December 2, 2011 at 12:02 pm

For a minute there I thought it was Jean Schmidt asking her those questions.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

It wasn't long ago in the South, interracial couples were also free to marry, just not to each other. What was MLK complaining about, anyway?

aguacatero December 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Gutsy student, and her questions were perfectly framed.

Blueb4sunrise December 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm

David Brooks is giving me 'the look of love'. I need to send him an email politely telling him that it can never be.

dadanarchist December 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm

The only way to describe his face: punchable.

LiveToServeYa December 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm

OT: Look, Wonkette, I didn't object too much to Kortney's vegetables, but when you invite me to get IN DEPTH WITH DAVID BROOKS, you're approaching camel-back-breaking-straw level. What next, bedtime chatter novels from Ann Coulter?

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm

The Adams Apple of our Eye

Baconzgood December 2, 2011 at 12:09 pm

This woman is a crap sandwich of words.

flamingpdog December 3, 2011 at 12:14 am

Crap Sandwich/Word Salad 2012!

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm

OT but christ this is funny:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/herman-cain-la

The picture screams for a Wonkette caption.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 12:17 pm

"Women for Cain." He has perfected the self-snarking campaign.

ProgressiveInga December 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

There are too many thumbs in that picture.

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

They're just happy that Mrs. Cain is finally putting a chasity sock on Mister's willy. "We don't have to have sex with the Herman? ALRIGHT!!!"

johnnyzhivago December 2, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Should have been called "Dames for Cain"

ProgressiveInga December 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Ho's for Bro's.

Generation[redacted] December 2, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Sperm-dumpsters for the Herm-humpster.

BlueStateLibel December 2, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I believe the correct term among Cain's generation for women is "broads," as in "Broads for Cain."

Steverino247 December 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair.

Negropolis December 3, 2011 at 1:09 am

He just loves practicing his love on women. He loves sharing his sugar cane, with them.

James Michael Curley December 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Michele forgot that in the Great Plains Farming State of Iowa Kortney can finally marry that zuccini.

THE_BOFFIN December 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm

If Bachmann can marry a gay dude, why can't I? Not that I have anyone in mind but it would be nice to have the option.

Guppy December 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Once again, a Republican has been intellectually bested by a teenager.

meatlofer December 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I'd like to chop off( that fucker that keeps clapping 's) hands!

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Notice how Ole Crazy Eyes works in the "special rights" lie.

This makes as much sense as "the climate change science isn't settled," or "we need to teach all theories – grand design as well as evolution."

Gay folks aren't asking for "special rights," Bitch. They are quite properly demanding their rights – same as everyone else has.

If she actually knew anything about our nation's history – and I'm willing to grant that's quite a stretch – she'd know the ultimate cause of the American Revolution was the simple fact that Good King George would not recognize the Colonists as having the same rights as all other Englishmen.

If the T-Baggers understood this, they'd think twice about what they are pushing these days. Kind of like those Southern planters teaching the slaves Biblical stories like Moses leading his people to freedom from bondage in Egypt.

This shit can backfire on ya.

Blowback can be a bitch. Bitch.

Chichikovovich December 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Notice how Ole Crazy Eyes works in the "special rights" lie.

I wish the girl had answered – "The availability of same-sex marriage wouldn't create a special right. Straight people could marry someone of their own sex as much as gay people could."

OneYieldRegular December 2, 2011 at 12:41 pm

I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet this morning, but did I just hear Michele Bachmann admit that she's the beard?

Tommy1733 December 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

To me the most noteworthy part of this scene, aside from the courageous and well-spoken Jane Schmidt (three cheers for young heroes!!!) was the predictable "clap-clap-clap" that followed each of Bachmann's illogical talking points. Much as I do not respect her it is the ignorant stupidity of the people that is the problem. She only exists because of the people who support her and her brand of non-ideas. The real opposition to worthy causes like same-sex marraige are all around us, and each of us, if we believe in these things, needs to take it upon ourselves to find these neighbors friends and relatives and courteously lead them to the correct viewpoint.

Callyson December 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm

That high school girl asking her the questions is remarkably composed and mature. I don't think I could have resisted telling Shelly where she could shove her "same opportunity under the law" if she had fed me that crap of an answer…

Biff December 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Because she's a librul PLANT, OBVS!!11!!

ProgressiveInga December 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Jane Schmidt probably has 2 mommies.

Isyaignert December 3, 2011 at 1:26 am

Jesus had two daddies.

mookwrthwilson December 2, 2011 at 12:45 pm

She must have taken like 500 doses of that HPV vaccine.

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm

She got mad at the compact fluorescent lightbulbs in the house and sucked them all dry.

sbj1964 December 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm

If you put all of Michele Bachmann's supporters in one room they could split a Pizza.

zappadoo76 December 2, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Why is that nice young lesbian girl doing wearing a Russian aviator's hat?

An_Outhouse December 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I don't need better broadband but I do miss Courtney. Now when I visit the Wonkette, there is a wanted poster of a pedophile smirking at me. I wouldn't want to get 'In Depth' with him for any amount.

real_dc_native December 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Bachmann always reminds me of the Mark Twain quote: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

Ancient_Hacker December 2, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Yep, Mz M, the law, in its exact equality, forbids both rich and poor from sleeping under bridges.

Three cheeers for the law!

user-of-owls December 2, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Jane Schmidt? Isn't she the one of flag sweater notoriety?

dadanarchist December 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Is she speaking as a satisfied customer?

Antispandex December 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I honestly think I maybe understand this one. I think she means that it's sort of like how it's illegal to steal from a bank, but if congress gives your bank permission to steal, no problem! Really, if you don't understand it, you may not be a real American. Sorry.

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Plucky teen should have said, "Gays should marry a member of the opposite sex? Like you and Marcus, you mean?"

DetectiveGrey December 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Somewhere out there, there's a conservative blog with the exact same headline as this post, word-for-word, 100% snark-free.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 2, 2011 at 1:35 pm

EARTH TO WONKETTE!

Breaking (like the wind) News!

Trump to Moderate Republican Debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27.
~

chascates December 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

VOTE HER OFF THE ISLAND!

chascates December 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Anything but let them get gay-married! Via RightWingWatch:
Buster Wilson, the General Manager of the American Family Association’s American Family Radio, yesterday on AFA Today told co-host Ed Vitagliano how marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples will ultimately lead to not just the legalization of polygamy but also legal approval of marriages to buildings, cars and dogs!

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Funny, back when it was against the law of the land for someone black to marry someone white, they only feared it would lead to them not being racist bitches around later generations of pale skinned people who were "actually" black.

Jerri December 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I'm gonna marry the Capitol building since I'm apparently already being fucked by its member(s).

Hey-O!

natoslug December 2, 2011 at 2:50 pm

So in the AFA's world, cars, buildings and dogs are capable of giving informed consent? Good to know. If I accidentally back over any of those fuckers 4 or 5 times, it wasn't me, it was my car — I had nothing to do with its well-reasoned choice to turn them into mangled shitstains.

WootInTarnation December 3, 2011 at 6:13 am

They've vilified so many groups over time that now they can only reach for the preposterous.

I love typing the word preposterous. I love saying it because it's just so fun to say it. I guess I have to be an upstanding person and say that I do appreciate the Republicans for their behavior, their current roster of candidates for Presidency, and vocal expressions that come out of their mouths. Expressions include Umms, Hyuks, Errs, Boos, recognized words and neologisms, and sometimes collections of words placed together in what could accurately be defined as a phrase or sentence if the words were clumped together in a structure that expressed a cohesive idea.

So far, I've heard very few Rethug word-clumps that could pass as sentences. And so I thank them again for giving me another opportunity to use the word preposterous every single day, at any time of day. Mighty generous of 'em.

WeHaveIssues December 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Bullshit! The outrage! The gays will marry straight-up the day Bachmann marries a gay guy, OK?!? Oops…. wait a minute…. she already has. Rats.

Sassomatic December 2, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Has it crossed her mind at all that, although she seems to benefit from the arrangement, not every woman wants to be a beard?

succalina December 2, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Was Trigg/Tug/Tank drolling on the Judge's robe during court? Where the hell is that kid, anyway?

fletc3her December 2, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Nobody's saying the blacks can't get married to other blacks, they just can't steal our white women. Nobody's saying the homos can't get married to other homos they just can't steal our … straight … guys. No, that doesn't quite work, they can't marry the other homos, but they can steal the women. Or, I don't know. What's the problem again?

ttommyunger December 2, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I just figured out the look on Shelly's face: she's sporting a vibrating butt-plug in back and Bin-Wah Balls in the front, at all times.

Negropolis December 3, 2011 at 12:56 am

Well, you know, this is something she has intimate knowledge of being in a straight marriage with a gay dude, and all. Really, won't someone, anyone ask her about her big, fat gay wedding, already?

We wouldn't even care if this bitch wasn't such a hypocrite. This has gone from being funny, to angering, to just plain sad.

FrenchTwist40 December 5, 2011 at 2:12 am

That is, as they say in my native state of Georgia, "mighty white of her."

Poindexter718 December 5, 2011 at 9:42 am

The Affordable Care Act is also the "law of the land" and I look forward to Rep. Bachmann-Crazy-Overdrive's unquestioning support of it when she returns to Congress full time (in about six weeks).

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm

What makes it such a brilliant book is that, in addition to the vicious satirical characterization of Soviet communism, it’s also a touching story that makes you care about the characters

emmelemm December 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Dude! Those women actually do look German. Look at it! You'll see I'm right!

(Weird.)

Dashboard Buddha December 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm

"nein nein nein"

LMAO

PalinzADummy December 2, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Slut.

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