a fool and his foolproof plan

Unliked Racist Weirdo George Allen Inventing All His Endorsements

Now he's an equal opportunity offender!

Used condom George “Macaca” Allen has given humanity so many reasons to find him revolting that he is of course currently leading the pack of Republican primary candidates for the Virginia Senate race. But just to be extra sure to maintain his overall lead in tireless lifelong buffoonery, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that he has been going around awarding himself endorsements from teabagger nuts who have not actually endorsed him and teabagger organizations that do not actually exist. Was he really afraid Virginians weren’t already associating him enough with the Crazy Old Southern Racist brand?

The whole article is a hilarious litany of Allen’s fictional endorsements that his campaign put out in a list on his website, much to the extreme fury of the state’s teatard population:

“They aligned me with NOVA Tea Party, which doesn’t even exist,” ea Party activist Kerry Scott] said. “To me, it was just very sloppy, and that made me a little suspicious.”

(Don’t you love how it takes subtlety like “something being entirely made up” to arouse the first hint of this teabagger’s suspicion?)

And other bickerings:

The [Roanoke Tea Party] blog also criticizes the Allen campaign’s choice of the term “Virginia Tea Party Patriots” in the release, noting that the state’s tea party federation is named the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation.

“So the Allen people have craftily stolen the moniker from this group to give the appearance of wider support which they do not enjoy,” the blog post says, demanding an apology from “the perpetrators of this fraud against all tea party groups.”

The Northern Virginia Tea Party has also called for an apology from Allen, saying that the endorsement announcement was “misleading at best, dishonest at worst” and calling it a “deplorable campaign tactic.”

All of which makes us think: come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor? [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

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  1. BarackMyWorld

    I hope everyone appreciates the fact that if he hadn't lost re-election in 2006, he'd probably being running for president right now (though that obviously didn't stop Santorum).

      1. GOPCrusher

        Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that when you compare George Allen with the current crop of poo-flingers, he isn't mentioned as the leading candidate for the nomination.

        1. YasserArraFeck

          It's better not get into a poo-flinging contest with other Repugs – David Vitter's sitting on the arsenal that will win that fight

    1. chicken_thief

      "Macaca" isn't any worse than a family retreat named "Niggerhead" and, though Perry's fun ride is coming to an end, and also too he is about ready to drop out of the GOP primary race, it isn't because of his racial insensitivity. In short, Allen would be the lib, along with whats-his-name the other Mormon, in this circus group.

  2. Generation[redacted]

    It's not "something entirely made up" that starts to arouse a hint of suspicion in a teabagger, it's "something entirely made up about ME"

    1. Negropolis

      The Cooch is one smug, little bastard, let me tell you. McDonnell and Cantor are also disgusting. You got some smug politicians, Virginy.

      1. EatsBabyDingos

        True Story: Cooch's last Senate campaign headquarters was in the basement of my crappy Fairfax City office building. His staff could not understand what "reserved parking" meant, and had to post numerous signs in their office to remind the little drones not to park in my office's spot. After weeks of sign illiteracy, I approached the "KEN4SEN" Buick that kept parking in my spot. It was his. When I confronted him in the lot, his reply was "Oh, does that apply to me? I'm Ken Cuchinelli" Dingleberry.

        1. Negropolis

          A lot of politicians seem to have this problem. My mom worked at a residential complex with a community center, so local candidates used to come by all the time to hold events. Anyway, she had to tell more than one of them that you don't park in the fire lane; and they'd always get pissed with her.

    1. Advn2rgirl

      I think Tim Kaine's going to pull it off and beat Allen. He's begun to poll ahead of him, as people remember all the good reasons they despised him last time. But no worries: Cuccinelli, our attorney general and Fundie in Chief, is in today's paper as planning a run for governor. This has angered the current Lt. Governor, who thought it was His Turn.

  3. paris biltong

    But he HAS been endorsed by the Yes Virginia There Is A Santa Claus chapter of the Christian Soldiers for Christmas right?

  4. Fukui_sanYesOta

    How many of these wingnut tea party grift-machines are there?

    "Allen said I was a member of the People's Tea Party Front of Virginia, whereas I'm actually a member of the Popular Tea Party Front of Virginia."

    1. freakishlywrong

      Outside of Northern VA, you could throw a rock in any direction and hit a teatard. I get the feeling though, that the People's Tea Party Front of Virginia maybe has two members.

    1. chicken_thief

      Pat, in that photo, looks like he could be Tawd's pa. Maybe his ma was a local news anchor when Pat did concert up that way?!

  5. memzilla

    The spectacle of a "truth-challenged" racist organization bitching about a racist telling a lie is more fun than a barrel of… well… you know. Don't monkey around with the Tea Klux Klan, George.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      When this goes to court they'll have to change their name to "Virginia Tea Party Patriots Entertainment"

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    I saw a picture of him last week, and he's doing the Ginger hair thing, like we might think he is Sonny Jurgenson, but without the intellect.

      1. LetUsBray

        Hey, if you'd ever had the corned beef sandwich at Norm's Deli, you'd know what he was talking about.

  7. KobayashiMaru

    the Allen people have craftily stolen the moniker from this group to give the appearance of wider support which they do not enjoy

    FUCK OFF! We are NOT the Judean People's Front! We are the People's Front of Judea!

    1. chicken_thief

      Not to be confused with my new group – The Front of Judean People. You can easily recognize our members as we are all sporting helmets.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    But the endorsement from the Virginia chapter of Macacas, Hottentots, Slopes and Fuzzy-Wuzzies for Freedom is legit, right?

    1. comrad_darkness

      Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear\ Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair\ Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy was he?

      Why the hell do I still have that in my head? And also, I think it was soap…

      I didn't spend childhood stoned; I know I didn't.

    1. chicken_thief

      Also the claimed Second Mile cross endorsement is actually still pending awaiting final word from Jerry, who could not be reached for comment.

  9. Dr_Zoidberg

    I would like to announce that I have been endorsed by the United People's Front for Unity Among the People United for Unity!

    Please feel free to send me monetary donations.

    1. Ruhe

      Last week he was robocalling for campaign donations as "Happy Guy". Next week he'll be calling as "Sorry Guy".

  10. Callyson

    From the Wikipedia page on this clown:
    On May 25, 2010, Regnery Press published Allen's first book, "What Washington Can Learn From the World of Sports", in which he draws parallels and contrasts between two of the nation’s favorite passions. Allen suggests that government need look no further than the football field, baseball diamond, or basketball court to solve today’s pressing problems because, in sports, teamwork is essential, cheating is frowned upon and the rules don’t change.
    Oh, how I would love to see James Harrison tackle this jackass…or maybe that Suh guy…

    1. DaRooster

      Then he could get "accidentally" stomped on too… seems a whole bunch of these douche-bags need a good stompin'.

    2. chicken_thief

      What?! We need to have black athletes solve all of our problems? I thought they WERE the problem – living off our welfare, stealin' our wimmenz, and terrorizing our kids. Takin' all the good drugs and buyin' up all the Cadillacs.

      I haz a confuse now….

  11. dijetlo

    Well, it don't seem like that there feller is much of a real American, whining to the Lie-brul media and such. In my day, when a real American thunk his honor had been besmirched, he'd hide out behind the offenders outhouse and fill him with lead as he was taken his morning massive, like a real man.
    THAT's the American way. This tear stained press release BS stinks of Nancy Pelosiism and Obamafication and I, for one, aint havin' none of it.

  12. SmutBoffin

    Come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?


  13. donner_froh

    Come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?

    To ask is to answer.

    Edit: SmutBoffin's is funnier.

    1. chicken_thief

      I'm sorry… what were you saying? Whenever "arouse" and "teabagger" appear in the same sentence my brain starts going "lalalalalalalalala" until the vision passes to prevent a cranial explosion.

  14. Poindexter718

    Doesn't he realize that accusing a Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation member of belonging to Virginia Tea Party Patriots is the Old Dominion equivalent of accusing a Pennsylvanian who belongs to The Second Mile of belonging to NAMBLA?
    These groups freaking hate each other.

  15. SorosBot

    "in sports … cheating is frowned upon"

    Hahahhahahahhah! In sports, cheating is routine; and for whatever reason the only kind anyone cares about are steroids, and then only in baseball (like there's a single NFL player who isn't totally jacked up).

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      Very true. Getting caught is frowned upon. GOP Plank #327, known as the Cain is Able Plank..

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      One of the sports talk radio guys used to say, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying; and it's only cheating if you get caught."

    3. Mumbly_Occupado

      But that's not all! Let's address the other two: how the "rules never change" in football, basketball, and baseball, except for all the many, many times they have that anyone who has even a passing familiarity with the sportsball is probably aware of (changes in bat and ball composition, introduction of a shot clock, etc etc etc), and also the part where everyone knows how important teamwork is, unless you've seen this Allen Iverson clip.

    1. chicken_thief

      The Democrat who allegedly is smearing Cain, so Newt can win the nomination, so then they can smear Newt?

  16. Allmighty_Manos

    Other Allen Endorsements

    National Geocentric Society (SE VA chapter)
    Veterans of the Spainish-American War
    National Association Against Ringworm
    Gilmore Girls Fanclub (Arlington chapter)
    The Gay, Left-Handed Jew Aliiance
    VA Society of Invasion of Grenada Reenactors
    NoVA Black Israelites

  17. elviouslyqueer

    Shorter Tea Party/Macaca dustup: "It is a tale told by a idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

      1. Chichikovovich

        You said it. After every Repub. debate, I'm on the verge of putting my vile jelly out.
        ("where is thy lustre now?")

  18. freakishlywrong

    Sigh..He had to make up support from a fictional "populist" movement? Note to candidates; The "Tea Party" isn't real, it you want their support, get he Kochs behind you. Yessshhh.

  19. MrFizzy

    I had a friend who used to see Allen a lot in DC, running around in thousand dollar suits wearing cowboy boots, which is better than a giant sign that says "I'm a dumbfuck".

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    Inventing fake organizations or businesses is so easy you can do it almost accidentally. Back in the early days of electronic publishing, I signed up for a free subscription to some trade journal on the subject that looked kind of interesting, and because I didn't actually have a publishing business I just wrote down "Seamonster Publishing Ltd" (because at that time I played bass in a band called The Seamonsters.)

    One thing led to another, and soon I was getting free subscriptions to a couple of dozen various trade magazines, floppy disks with demo versions of various electronic publishing and business management software, tickets to trade shows, company fleet leasing offers, credit card offers, credit card offers, credit card offers…

    What I'm saying here George, is go for it! Build your own imaginary little empire!

    1. Ruhe

      But if you actually achieve elective office you can take your imagination even further. Bloomberg is mayor of a great city but in his own mind he's the commander in chief of his own empire. As a senator from Virginia George could surely proclaim/imagine himself as the emperor of the Virginia territories as duly appointed by his great, great, great grand uncle George III.

  21. DaRooster

    “misleading at best, dishonest at worst”

    Pretty bad when the fucking Tea Party says this about you…

  22. Master Janitor V572

    Soon the number of people who remember his Nixon-Döppelganger father's "success" as coach of the Chesapeake Bay Region Indigenous Persons football team will decline into an insignificant portion of the electorate, and his career will be over. The future was then! What is now?

    Oh that's right, the present is this .

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Call me now
      "Call me Stars and Moon and Plough
      Call me Lord, call me Sire
      Call me Earth and Wind and Fire
      Call me Judge, call me Shah
      Call me King, call me Tsar
      CALL ME GOD …"
      –Daedalus Allen

    2. johnedens

      You know, I followed that link and the only cultural reference I recognized was the one about Battlestar Galactica, DS9 and Douglas MacArthur.

      The cheerleader pics were nice, but I can find pics of naked women on the Internet just as easily.

  23. prommie

    Department of Fractious Teatards. Like in Life of Brian, the bitter bickering between the Judean People's Front and the People's Front for Judea.

  24. Goonemeritus

    How do you legitimately get the endorsement of a group that doesn’t even know what their own membership is? I say George should just double down and continue to make shit up after all it’s the Republican way.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Delivering lies in an authoritative, pompous tone works for Newt. He sounds so authoritative, in fact, that the right thinks of him as their "intellectual."

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I can't get past the fact that his voice is about an octave higher than it should be. If you're a dude with a high voice, you gotta work it like Ira Glass, or GTFO.

        I mean, technically, I can't get past the part where Newt is a walking shitstain, but if we're JUST talking about the voice, that's my main objection.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      while all members are welcome at the church, it does not "condone" interracial marriage, and that any interracial couples would not be received as members or allowed to participate in worship services. The only exception? Funerals.

      Lovely. Nice to see that the old chestnut "The only good nigger is a dead nigger" is still alive and well and living in Kentucky.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      My first clue was Primitive Baptist. I have relatives who attend none of those and, well, they make the new douchebag at the local Southern Baptist church look marginally reasonable. At least he's fully literate.

      1. LetUsBray

        Primitive Baptist? That's the same sect of which the Westboro Baptist Phred Felch klan are members.

    3. chicken_thief

      "Chikuni sang "I Surrender All," while Harville played the piano."

      CORRECTION: Harville actually played the organ. With great zest.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        You might be on to why the church fathers have their panties in a bunch. Damn black boy is stealin' our white wimmin! We can't compete with an organ like that!

    4. Negropolis

      Come on, Dashboard. Everyone knows that in Kentucky you keep sex within the family. That woman is reserved for her brother; it's the Kentucky Way, y'all.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    The only trouble with this article is that the number and size of the T-Bagger organizations has been exaggerated from the beginning. Several times newspaper and radio reporters actually looked into these groups, and often they were one-person outfits existing only in Internets reality.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Sssh. You're totally going to blow the cover on my Northern California Wonkette Patriots People's Collective.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      My guess, and this is an educated guess, is that 90% of teaparty groups consist of a single white man who is too fat to leave his MIL suite.

  26. mavenmaven

    "Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation" -that's pretty funny just like that. *snicker snicker*

  27. Oblios_Cap

    The Roanoke Tea Party

    Strangely, the only thing this group left behind was the word "cretin" carved into a desk. This was, of course, construed by Allen to be that group's endorsement of his candidacy…

  28. DustBowlBlues

    Campaign Fail. Allen should have done his lying on Hate Radio and slipped a few endorsements to Faux News. Imagine the heads spinning on scooter-riding 'tards.

  29. Ruhe

    Didn't he also garner the endorsement of the John Cleves Symmes, Jr. Society for the Advancement of Science?

  30. CapnFatback

    (Don’t you love how it takes subtlety like “something being entirely made up” to arouse the first hint of this teabagger’s suspicion?)

    Don't act so surprised. The entire premise of the Tea Party is based on chimeras and make-believe (see: "laissez-faire governance," "the invisible hand of the free market," "Sarah Palin").

  31. donner_froh

    If (or more accurately when) Allen makes the 2012 version of his macaca comment he will be anointed a folk hero by Faux News, Rush and the rest of the clown show.

  32. DustBowlBlues

    OT, but I thought the Cheeseheads and their fans would appreciate this humorous tee-shirt slogan but the Old Man, who'll be home any minute and catch on to why I get so little done because of the wonkering instead of doing my part of the garage clean up so I can't wait for a topic where this fits:

    Tee shirt–Logo of "We are Wisconsin" on one side, "The Cheese Doesn't Stand Alone" on the other.

    Is it wrong that I am more excited about the Recall campaign than OWS? Not only did the Cheddars kick off the first real demonstrations the country's seen since we of the New Left helped Nixon beat Humphrey (you're welcome), but their head gear would be a perfect helmet to protect the Occupiers when Manhattan Bull Connor gets them in his sights.

  33. bureaucrap

    Surprisingly, nobody has yet taken the opportunity (as I'm about to) to invent some examples of fictitious additional endorsements from organizations with mildly amusing acronyms for this s**tstain (which of course he is free to utilize in future campaign materials):

    VA Motherlovin' Pedophile Inbred Racist Entity (VAMPIRE)
    Downstate Unwed Mothers Breeding Asinine Simplification Society (DUMBASS)
    Charlottesville-Roanoke Association of Cretinous Kleptomaniacal Entitled Richfolks (CRACKERs).

    All of which are very well respected in the Old Dominion. I'll leave further variants to my fellow wonketteers.

  34. sbj1964

    Has anyone else noticed, the Hypocritical position of your right wing Republican voters lately? The GOP debates seem to be the best thing ever for the Democrats.The vile nature of these candidates, High-lites the Lying,cheating,misogynistic,hate filled,screw the middle class dogma of the party in general. Newt is so Toxic I am surprised anyone would vote for him Dog catcher.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      As my white, southern parents would say, that may all be true, but I'm still not voting for the black guy.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Unfortunately, no one seems to be paying attention. If the American Public was paying attention to what is being said at the debates, the viewing public's collective jaws would drop in horror.
      And the only Republiklan race would be, which candidate will be the first one to have their head paraded around town on the end of a pike.

  35. Antispandex

    No Virginia, there is not a Macaca…but we all figure that at least some of the Virginia Teapublicans will make Macaca a write in candidate in this election. Well, with the current crop to chose from, who could blame them?

  36. Troglodeity

    He has also now been officially endorsed by the "Teabaggers TruckNutz and Overly Enthusiastic Confederate Re-Enactors Guild."

    Just now. As in this post.

  37. KeepFnThatChicken


    I know it's all "for teh LULz", but I must admit that another outburst of laughter after reading "Used condom" may cost some demerits.

  38. KeepFnThatChicken

    This doesn't sound like the National Tea Party, but more like Eric Cartman's Tea Party.

    "Would you like some tea, Clyde Frog?"
    "Yes, Eric. Why are you so coo?"
    "I don't know, Clyde Frog! I just am."

    "You are so strong and smart, and everybody loves you!"
    "Why thank you, Polly Prissy Pants! How nice of you!"

  39. poncho_pilot

    why does Virginia need two Tea Bagger groups? i mean i'm fine with these folks factioning themselves into oblivion but where does the split happen?

    "i think we should sit down through the whole mass."
    "well, i think we should stand up at the beginning and the end of mass."
    "you are dead to me."

  40. comrad_darkness

    >the term “Virginia Tea Party Patriots” in the release, noting that the state’s tea party federation is named the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation.

    You know who else couldn't keep the name of their political rabble-rousing group straight?

  41. ttommyunger

    "Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?". Yes, yes they do!

  42. Negropolis

    Everyone remembers "macaca", but what I remember about this toad was when it was revealed that he's of Jewish heritage, how he took it as if were some kind of slur against him, and then went on to be insensitive about it by saying something to the effect that he ate bacon every morning and went to church every sunday.

    What a vile pig.

  43. outragedcitizen

    Calling for an apology from the Allan campaign, the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation and the Northern Virginia Tea Party did say that they agreed with his "Macaca" statement.

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