A FOOL AND HIS FOOLPROOF PLAN  1:01 pm December 1, 2011

Unliked Racist Weirdo George Allen Inventing All His Endorsements

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Now he's an equal opportunity offender!

Used condom George “Macaca” Allen has given humanity so many reasons to find him revolting that he is of course currently leading the pack of Republican primary candidates for the Virginia Senate race. But just to be extra sure to maintain his overall lead in tireless lifelong buffoonery, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that he has been going around awarding himself endorsements from teabagger nuts who have not actually endorsed him and teabagger organizations that do not actually exist. Was he really afraid Virginians weren’t already associating him enough with the Crazy Old Southern Racist brand?

The whole article is a hilarious litany of Allen’s fictional endorsements that his campaign put out in a list on his website, much to the extreme fury of the state’s teatard population:

“They aligned me with NOVA Tea Party, which doesn’t even exist,” ea Party activist Kerry Scott] said. “To me, it was just very sloppy, and that made me a little suspicious.”

(Don’t you love how it takes subtlety like “something being entirely made up” to arouse the first hint of this teabagger’s suspicion?)

And other bickerings:

The [Roanoke Tea Party] blog also criticizes the Allen campaign’s choice of the term “Virginia Tea Party Patriots” in the release, noting that the state’s tea party federation is named the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation.

“So the Allen people have craftily stolen the moniker from this group to give the appearance of wider support which they do not enjoy,” the blog post says, demanding an apology from “the perpetrators of this fraud against all tea party groups.”

The Northern Virginia Tea Party has also called for an apology from Allen, saying that the endorsement announcement was “misleading at best, dishonest at worst” and calling it a “deplorable campaign tactic.”

All of which makes us think: come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor? [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 179 comments }

Buzz Feedback December 1, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I'd like Macaca to seek Cracker Barrel's Endorsement/Sponsorship.

BarackMyWorld December 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I hope everyone appreciates the fact that if he hadn't lost re-election in 2006, he'd probably being running for president right now (though that obviously didn't stop Santorum).

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Now? Before the macaca incident, pundits were talking him up as one of the 2008 front-runners.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that when you compare George Allen with the current crop of poo-flingers, he isn't mentioned as the leading candidate for the nomination.

YasserArraFeck December 1, 2011 at 3:51 pm

It's better not get into a poo-flinging contest with other Repugs – David Vitter's sitting on the arsenal that will win that fight

GunToting[Redacted] December 1, 2011 at 1:47 pm

You can't stop the Santorum!

bagofmice December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

This is how it spreads.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

"Macaca" isn't any worse than a family retreat named "Niggerhead" and, though Perry's fun ride is coming to an end, and also too he is about ready to drop out of the GOP primary race, it isn't because of his racial insensitivity. In short, Allen would be the lib, along with whats-his-name the other Mormon, in this circus group.

Generation[redacted] December 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

It's not "something entirely made up" that starts to arouse a hint of suspicion in a teabagger, it's "something entirely made up about ME"

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Allen has also been endorsed by every one of Newt's twitter followers.

Fukui_sanYesOta December 1, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Also Rick Santorum's nearly-baby, Gabriel.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 2:50 pm

As well as all the homeschoolers in Iowa – thanks, Shelz!!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Let's not forget Lou Palin.

EatsBabyDingos December 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

More disgusting than Ken Cuccinelli? Hmmmmmm. That's a tuff one.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 1:53 am

The Cooch is one smug, little bastard, let me tell you. McDonnell and Cantor are also disgusting. You got some smug politicians, Virginy.

EatsBabyDingos December 2, 2011 at 8:33 am

True Story: Cooch's last Senate campaign headquarters was in the basement of my crappy Fairfax City office building. His staff could not understand what "reserved parking" meant, and had to post numerous signs in their office to remind the little drones not to park in my office's spot. After weeks of sign illiteracy, I approached the "KEN4SEN" Buick that kept parking in my spot. It was his. When I confronted him in the lot, his reply was "Oh, does that apply to me? I'm Ken Cuchinelli" Dingleberry.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 10:31 pm

A lot of politicians seem to have this problem. My mom worked at a residential complex with a community center, so local candidates used to come by all the time to hold events. Anyway, she had to tell more than one of them that you don't park in the fire lane; and they'd always get pissed with her.

ManchuCandidate December 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Poor Charlie Brown never really got over Lucy pulling the football away, did he?

ifthethunderdontgetya December 1, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Used condom George “Macaca” Allen

"The Coney Island Whitefishof racist douchebag Senate candidates"

Dudleydidwrong December 1, 2011 at 3:00 pm

The League of Coney Island Whitefish Fishermen heartily endorses George Allen.

MARCdMan December 1, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Bet he wins, how revolting.

Biff December 1, 2011 at 1:39 pm

For real, no way they don't vote for him anyway.

Advn2rgirl December 1, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I think Tim Kaine's going to pull it off and beat Allen. He's begun to poll ahead of him, as people remember all the good reasons they despised him last time. But no worries: Cuccinelli, our attorney general and Fundie in Chief, is in today's paper as planning a run for governor. This has angered the current Lt. Governor, who thought it was His Turn.

Blueb4sunrise December 1, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Endorsed by Wonkette Federation of Federated Tea Patriots Party of Freedom and Fucknuts!!!

DerrickWildcat December 1, 2011 at 1:08 pm

he got their individual colors and gang signs all mixed up too.

paris biltong December 1, 2011 at 1:08 pm

But he HAS been endorsed by the Yes Virginia There Is A Santa Claus chapter of the Christian Soldiers for Christmas right?

Fukui_sanYesOta December 1, 2011 at 1:08 pm

How many of these wingnut tea party grift-machines are there?

"Allen said I was a member of the People's Tea Party Front of Virginia, whereas I'm actually a member of the Popular Tea Party Front of Virginia."

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Splitters!

freakishlywrong December 1, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Outside of Northern VA, you could throw a rock in any direction and hit a teatard. I get the feeling though, that the People's Tea Party Front of Virginia maybe has two members.

jodyleek December 1, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Which makes me wonder, why aren't we all throwing more rocks and hitting tea 'tards in Virginia?

freakishlywrong December 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Why not indeed?

Not_So_Much December 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm

That would all be more convincing if he admitted he were a 'bottom' instead of a 'front'.

DemmeFatale December 1, 2011 at 2:25 pm

People's Front of Judea or Judean People's Front?

SoBeach December 1, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Beat me to it.

ifthethunderdontgetya December 1, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Cue teatard fury!

This is the top google image search for "teatard furry".
~

Dashboard Buddha December 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Jesus wept.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Pat, in that photo, looks like he could be Tawd's pa. Maybe his ma was a local news anchor when Pat did concert up that way?!

memzilla December 1, 2011 at 1:10 pm

The spectacle of a "truth-challenged" racist organization bitching about a racist telling a lie is more fun than a barrel of… well… you know. Don't monkey around with the Tea Klux Klan, George.

Chillwaver December 1, 2011 at 1:10 pm

“Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation."

Great. Now Teatards now have their own Wrestling federation (or is it con-federation?)

Generation[redacted] December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

When this goes to court they'll have to change their name to "Virginia Tea Party Patriots Entertainment"

poncho_pilot December 1, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Virginia Backyard Wrasslin' League?

EatsBabyDingos December 1, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I saw a picture of him last week, and he's doing the Ginger hair thing, like we might think he is Sonny Jurgenson, but without the intellect.

lefty74 December 1, 2011 at 2:02 pm

"He is not a smart guy. Smart guys are guys like Norman Einstein"

Quote Joe Theisman

LetUsBray December 1, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Hey, if you'd ever had the corned beef sandwich at Norm's Deli, you'd know what he was talking about.

franco_pinyon December 2, 2011 at 10:57 am

Sonny Jurgenson? You must be about my age.

KobayashiMaru December 1, 2011 at 1:11 pm

the Allen people have craftily stolen the moniker from this group to give the appearance of wider support which they do not enjoy

FUCK OFF! We are NOT the Judean People's Front! We are the People's Front of Judea!

Generation[redacted] December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Splitter!

NickDanger007 December 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Not the Popular Front?

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Not to be confused with my new group – The Front of Judean People. You can easily recognize our members as we are all sporting helmets.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2011 at 1:13 pm

But the endorsement from the Virginia chapter of Macacas, Hottentots, Slopes and Fuzzy-Wuzzies for Freedom is legit, right?

comrad_darkness December 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear\ Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair\ Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy was he?

Why the hell do I still have that in my head? And also, I think it was soap…

I didn't spend childhood stoned; I know I didn't.

Mahousu December 1, 2011 at 1:14 pm

The NAMBLA endorsement, though, was entirely real. Why won't the MSM report that?

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Also the claimed Second Mile cross endorsement is actually still pending awaiting final word from Jerry, who could not be reached for comment.

Dr_Zoidberg December 1, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I would like to announce that I have been endorsed by the United People's Front for Unity Among the People United for Unity!

Please feel free to send me monetary donations.

Ruhe December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Last week he was robocalling for campaign donations as "Happy Guy". Next week he'll be calling as "Sorry Guy".

Jukesgrrl December 1, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Candidate Zoidberg accepts cash, checks, Ameros, whore diamonds, and Glenn Beck Gold®.

Callyson December 1, 2011 at 1:15 pm

From the Wikipedia page on this clown:
On May 25, 2010, Regnery Press published Allen's first book, "What Washington Can Learn From the World of Sports", in which he draws parallels and contrasts between two of the nation’s favorite passions. Allen suggests that government need look no further than the football field, baseball diamond, or basketball court to solve today’s pressing problems because, in sports, teamwork is essential, cheating is frowned upon and the rules don’t change.
Oh, how I would love to see James Harrison tackle this jackass…or maybe that Suh guy…

paris biltong December 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

One of those pressing problems being pedophilia.

DaRooster December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Then he could get "accidentally" stomped on too… seems a whole bunch of these douche-bags need a good stompin'.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

What?! We need to have black athletes solve all of our problems? I thought they WERE the problem – living off our welfare, stealin' our wimmenz, and terrorizing our kids. Takin' all the good drugs and buyin' up all the Cadillacs.

I haz a confuse now….

SudsMcKenzie December 1, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Did we not Love our Veggies enough?
Come back Courtney!, please
COURTNEYYYYyyy…..

donner_froh December 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Indeed. Until PETA can get a picture of Olivia Munn deep throating a zucchini and looking like she loves it, I want Kourtney.

SudsMcKenzie December 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I'm going to spend the evening drinking and making a mix tape.

bagofmice December 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Snake? Snake!? SNAAAAAKE!!!!!!

dijetlo December 1, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Well, it don't seem like that there feller is much of a real American, whining to the Lie-brul media and such. In my day, when a real American thunk his honor had been besmirched, he'd hide out behind the offenders outhouse and fill him with lead as he was taken his morning massive, like a real man.
THAT's the American way. This tear stained press release BS stinks of Nancy Pelosiism and Obamafication and I, for one, aint havin' none of it.

SmutBoffin December 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?

NO WAIT DONT ANSWER THAT

donner_froh December 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Come on, Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?

To ask is to answer.

Edit: SmutBoffin's is funnier.

bumfug December 1, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Cuccinelli is at least AS disgusting and he's running for governor.

bumfug December 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Since when did something entirely made up start to arouse suspicion in teabaggers?

LetUsBray December 1, 2011 at 2:25 pm

When there was nothing in it about Kenyan Islamofascist soshulist Death Panels?

neiltheblaze December 1, 2011 at 3:18 pm

When someone is lying about them.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I'm sorry… what were you saying? Whenever "arouse" and "teabagger" appear in the same sentence my brain starts going "lalalalalalalalala" until the vision passes to prevent a cranial explosion.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 1, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Obama's birth certificate?

Poindexter718 December 1, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Doesn't he realize that accusing a Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation member of belonging to Virginia Tea Party Patriots is the Old Dominion equivalent of accusing a Pennsylvanian who belongs to The Second Mile of belonging to NAMBLA?
These groups freaking hate each other.

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:19 pm

"in sports … cheating is frowned upon"

Hahahhahahahhah! In sports, cheating is routine; and for whatever reason the only kind anyone cares about are steroids, and then only in baseball (like there's a single NFL player who isn't totally jacked up).

EatsBabyDingos December 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Very true. Getting caught is frowned upon. GOP Plank #327, known as the Cain is Able Plank..

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

One of the sports talk radio guys used to say, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying; and it's only cheating if you get caught."

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Hm; this was supposed to be a reply to Callyson's comment that included that quote from Allen's book; somehow I must have screwed that up; it would have made more sense in that context.

Mumbly_Occupado December 1, 2011 at 2:32 pm

But that's not all! Let's address the other two: how the "rules never change" in football, basketball, and baseball, except for all the many, many times they have that anyone who has even a passing familiarity with the sportsball is probably aware of (changes in bat and ball composition, introduction of a shot clock, etc etc etc), and also the part where everyone knows how important teamwork is, unless you've seen this Allen Iverson clip.

LettucePrey December 1, 2011 at 1:20 pm

You know who else doesn't exist?

SudsMcKenzie December 1, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Moderate Republicans?

Fukui_sanYesOta December 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Compassionate conservatives?

SexySmurf December 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Santa Claus?

DaRooster December 1, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Mohammed?

Oh yeah, show me a picture then…

proudgrampa December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

An Old Man with a long beard, wearing a robe, sitting on a throne in heaven?

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Keyser Soze?

Generation[redacted] December 1, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Hitler? Since 1945, anyway.

El Pinche December 1, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Kuato?

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

His base?

Nostrildamus December 1, 2011 at 1:31 pm

My girlfriend?

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Because she lives in Canada?

fartknocker December 1, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Mr. Rodgers?

SorosBot December 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Michael Knight?

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Marcus Bachmann's heterosexuality?

Lascauxcaveman December 1, 2011 at 2:01 pm

The Flying Spaghetti Monster?

(I've become a born-again atheist, yet again.)

bagofmice December 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Admit it, you were born again for the vag.

LetUsBray December 1, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The Barack Obama of Teabagger rhetoric?

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The Democrat who allegedly is smearing Cain, so Newt can win the nomination, so then they can smear Newt?

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2011 at 3:33 pm

The seven-foot tall doctor?

Gleem_McShineys December 1, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Okay, then. Would you believe that seven, foot-tall doctors told me that story?

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 2:00 am

A sober Irishman?

CthuNHu December 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

bin Laden?

Baconzgood December 1, 2011 at 1:21 pm

But he seems like someone the Tea-Baggers would endorse.

Allmighty_Manos December 1, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Other Allen Endorsements

National Geocentric Society (SE VA chapter)
Veterans of the Spainish-American War
National Association Against Ringworm
Gilmore Girls Fanclub (Arlington chapter)
The Gay, Left-Handed Jew Aliiance
VA Society of Invasion of Grenada Reenactors
NoVA Black Israelites

LettucePrey December 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

You forgot the Vin Diesel Fan Club.

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Shorter Tea Party/Macaca dustup: "It is a tale told by a idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Shakespeare gets more and more relevant by the day.

Chichikovovich December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

You said it. After every Repub. debate, I'm on the verge of putting my vile jelly out.
("where is thy lustre now?")

Ruhe December 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Aye, but when will their hour of strutting come to an end?

freakishlywrong December 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Sigh..He had to make up support from a fictional "populist" movement? Note to candidates; The "Tea Party" isn't real, it you want their support, get he Kochs behind you. Yessshhh.

DaRooster December 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I'm sure he'll lose the Washington Redskin's endorsement over this stuff…

OneYieldRegular December 1, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Macaca boudin.

johnnyzhivago December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I guess this puts Pocohontas's endorsement in question too?

MrFizzy December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I had a friend who used to see Allen a lot in DC, running around in thousand dollar suits wearing cowboy boots, which is better than a giant sign that says "I'm a dumbfuck".

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:30 pm

So how then is one able to distinguish him from Perrywinkle?!

Lascauxcaveman December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Inventing fake organizations or businesses is so easy you can do it almost accidentally. Back in the early days of electronic publishing, I signed up for a free subscription to some trade journal on the subject that looked kind of interesting, and because I didn't actually have a publishing business I just wrote down "Seamonster Publishing Ltd" (because at that time I played bass in a band called The Seamonsters.)

One thing led to another, and soon I was getting free subscriptions to a couple of dozen various trade magazines, floppy disks with demo versions of various electronic publishing and business management software, tickets to trade shows, company fleet leasing offers, credit card offers, credit card offers, credit card offers…

What I'm saying here George, is go for it! Build your own imaginary little empire!

johnnyzhivago December 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm

He could also just forget about running for real and pretend he wins and then pretend to be a US Senator.

Maman December 1, 2011 at 1:52 pm

It has been working for Newt Gingrinch when he needs to give awards (fundraise) with/from strip clubs.

Ruhe December 1, 2011 at 2:07 pm

But if you actually achieve elective office you can take your imagination even further. Bloomberg is mayor of a great city but in his own mind he's the commander in chief of his own empire. As a senator from Virginia George could surely proclaim/imagine himself as the emperor of the Virginia territories as duly appointed by his great, great, great grand uncle George III.

Indiepalin December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

George Allen ought to fire his campaign manager, Garo Yepremian, over this.

DaRooster December 1, 2011 at 1:31 pm

“misleading at best, dishonest at worst”

Pretty bad when the fucking Tea Party says this about you…

GOPCrusher December 1, 2011 at 3:39 pm

You would almost think they are comparing him to President Obama.

el_donaldo December 1, 2011 at 1:32 pm

ah, Virgil Goode, how soon you're forgotten.

Master Janitor V572 December 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Soon the number of people who remember his Nixon-Döppelganger father's "success" as coach of the Chesapeake Bay Region Indigenous Persons football team will decline into an insignificant portion of the electorate, and his career will be over. The future was then! What is now?

Oh that's right, the present is this .

EatsBabyDingos December 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Admiral Stockdale, is that you?

Dudleydidwrong December 1, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Call me now
"Call me Stars and Moon and Plough
Call me Lord, call me Sire
Call me Earth and Wind and Fire
Call me Judge, call me Shah
Call me King, call me Tsar
CALL ME GOD …"
–Daedalus Allen

johnedens December 2, 2011 at 8:25 am

You know, I followed that link and the only cultural reference I recognized was the one about Battlestar Galactica, DS9 and Douglas MacArthur.

The cheerleader pics were nice, but I can find pics of naked women on the Internet just as easily.

Master Janitor V572 December 2, 2011 at 8:28 am

Didn’t read about current coach Shanahan and his amazing bio?

littlebigdaddy December 1, 2011 at 1:35 pm

He should run for coach of the Redskins…he might get that.

prommie December 1, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Department of Fractious Teatards. Like in Life of Brian, the bitter bickering between the Judean People's Front and the People's Front for Judea.

Goonemeritus December 1, 2011 at 1:38 pm

How do you legitimately get the endorsement of a group that doesn’t even know what their own membership is? I say George should just double down and continue to make shit up after all it’s the Republican way.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Delivering lies in an authoritative, pompous tone works for Newt. He sounds so authoritative, in fact, that the right thinks of him as their "intellectual."

anniegetyerfun December 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I can't get past the fact that his voice is about an octave higher than it should be. If you're a dude with a high voice, you gotta work it like Ira Glass, or GTFO.

I mean, technically, I can't get past the part where Newt is a walking shitstain, but if we're JUST talking about the voice, that's my main objection.

Dashboard Buddha December 1, 2011 at 1:39 pm
elviouslyqueer December 1, 2011 at 1:44 pm

while all members are welcome at the church, it does not "condone" interracial marriage, and that any interracial couples would not be received as members or allowed to participate in worship services. The only exception? Funerals.

Lovely. Nice to see that the old chestnut "The only good nigger is a dead nigger" is still alive and well and living in Kentucky.

Biff December 1, 2011 at 1:53 pm

NOT RACIST AT ALL.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2011 at 2:26 pm

My first clue was Primitive Baptist. I have relatives who attend none of those and, well, they make the new douchebag at the local Southern Baptist church look marginally reasonable. At least he's fully literate.

LetUsBray December 1, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Primitive Baptist? That's the same sect of which the Westboro Baptist Phred Felch klan are members.

chicken_thief December 1, 2011 at 3:34 pm

"Chikuni sang "I Surrender All," while Harville played the piano."

CORRECTION: Harville actually played the organ. With great zest.

Dashboard Buddha December 1, 2011 at 3:44 pm

You might be on to why the church fathers have their panties in a bunch. Damn black boy is stealin' our white wimmin! We can't compete with an organ like that!

GOPCrusher December 1, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Read this earlier.
They aren't even trying to be subtle anymore.

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 2:02 am

Come on, Dashboard. Everyone knows that in Kentucky you keep sex within the family. That woman is reserved for her brother; it's the Kentucky Way, y'all.

Tundra Grifter December 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm

The only trouble with this article is that the number and size of the T-Bagger organizations has been exaggerated from the beginning. Several times newspaper and radio reporters actually looked into these groups, and often they were one-person outfits existing only in Internets reality.

OneYieldRegular December 1, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Sssh. You're totally going to blow the cover on my Northern California Wonkette Patriots People's Collective.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Where can I sign up? I can get a 'scrip for my arthritis in a heartbeat.

anniegetyerfun December 1, 2011 at 4:06 pm

My guess, and this is an educated guess, is that 90% of teaparty groups consist of a single white man who is too fat to leave his MIL suite.

mavenmaven December 1, 2011 at 1:43 pm

"Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation" -that's pretty funny just like that. *snicker snicker*

Guppy December 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm

What about the football? Does at least it endorse him?

Jukesgrrl December 1, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I'm sure he's a lock with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Roanoke Tea Party

Strangely, the only thing this group left behind was the word "cretin" carved into a desk. This was, of course, construed by Allen to be that group's endorsement of his candidacy…

Tundra Grifter December 2, 2011 at 10:42 am

Oblios_Cap:

We just don't get enough 16th Century snark here on Wonkette.

Well played!

Redhead December 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

He just had to go and one-up Bachmann with the crazy.

valgal2342 December 1, 2011 at 2:08 pm

The Roanoke Tea Party? So the klan changed their name eh?

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Campaign Fail. Allen should have done his lying on Hate Radio and slipped a few endorsements to Faux News. Imagine the heads spinning on scooter-riding 'tards.

Ruhe December 1, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Didn't he also garner the endorsement of the John Cleves Symmes, Jr. Society for the Advancement of Science?

actor212 December 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm

"…and of course, I'm endorsed by my wife! Um, Morgan Fairchild!"

CapnFatback December 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm

(Don’t you love how it takes subtlety like “something being entirely made up” to arouse the first hint of this teabagger’s suspicion?)

Don't act so surprised. The entire premise of the Tea Party is based on chimeras and make-believe (see: "laissez-faire governance," "the invisible hand of the free market," "Sarah Palin").

chascates December 1, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Time to call on the Army of Northern Virginia!

donner_froh December 1, 2011 at 2:16 pm

If (or more accurately when) Allen makes the 2012 version of his macaca comment he will be anointed a folk hero by Faux News, Rush and the rest of the clown show.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2011 at 2:38 pm

OT, but I thought the Cheeseheads and their fans would appreciate this humorous tee-shirt slogan but the Old Man, who'll be home any minute and catch on to why I get so little done because of the wonkering instead of doing my part of the garage clean up so I can't wait for a topic where this fits:

Tee shirt–Logo of "We are Wisconsin" on one side, "The Cheese Doesn't Stand Alone" on the other.

Is it wrong that I am more excited about the Recall campaign than OWS? Not only did the Cheddars kick off the first real demonstrations the country's seen since we of the New Left helped Nixon beat Humphrey (you're welcome), but their head gear would be a perfect helmet to protect the Occupiers when Manhattan Bull Connor gets them in his sights.

bureaucrap December 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Surprisingly, nobody has yet taken the opportunity (as I'm about to) to invent some examples of fictitious additional endorsements from organizations with mildly amusing acronyms for this s**tstain (which of course he is free to utilize in future campaign materials):

VA Motherlovin' Pedophile Inbred Racist Entity (VAMPIRE)
Downstate Unwed Mothers Breeding Asinine Simplification Society (DUMBASS)
Charlottesville-Roanoke Association of Cretinous Kleptomaniacal Entitled Richfolks (CRACKERs).

All of which are very well respected in the Old Dominion. I'll leave further variants to my fellow wonketteers.

bagofmice December 1, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Modern Assembly of Crackers And Cheeseheads Anonymous?

What, I'm hungry.

Sharkey December 1, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Commonwealth United Nasty Teabaggers

sbj1964 December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Has anyone else noticed, the Hypocritical position of your right wing Republican voters lately? The GOP debates seem to be the best thing ever for the Democrats.The vile nature of these candidates, High-lites the Lying,cheating,misogynistic,hate filled,screw the middle class dogma of the party in general. Newt is so Toxic I am surprised anyone would vote for him Dog catcher.

bagofmice December 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Or what's known in The South as family values.

Generation[redacted] December 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm

As my white, southern parents would say, that may all be true, but I'm still not voting for the black guy.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Unfortunately, no one seems to be paying attention. If the American Public was paying attention to what is being said at the debates, the viewing public's collective jaws would drop in horror.
And the only Republiklan race would be, which candidate will be the first one to have their head paraded around town on the end of a pike.

Antispandex December 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm

No Virginia, there is not a Macaca…but we all figure that at least some of the Virginia Teapublicans will make Macaca a write in candidate in this election. Well, with the current crop to chose from, who could blame them?

Troglodeity December 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm

He has also now been officially endorsed by the "Teabaggers TruckNutz and Overly Enthusiastic Confederate Re-Enactors Guild."

Just now. As in this post.

not that Dewey December 1, 2011 at 2:59 pm

He should mail a decapitated deer head to Kerry Scott. That will shut her up.

KeepFnThatChicken December 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Kirsten,

I know it's all "for teh LULz", but I must admit that another outburst of laughter after reading "Used condom" may cost some demerits.

KeepFnThatChicken December 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm

This doesn't sound like the National Tea Party, but more like Eric Cartman's Tea Party.

"Would you like some tea, Clyde Frog?"
"Yes, Eric. Why are you so coo?"
"I don't know, Clyde Frog! I just am."

"You are so strong and smart, and everybody loves you!"
"Why thank you, Polly Prissy Pants! How nice of you!"

poncho_pilot December 1, 2011 at 3:53 pm

why does Virginia need two Tea Bagger groups? i mean i'm fine with these folks factioning themselves into oblivion but where does the split happen?

"i think we should sit down through the whole mass."
"well, i think we should stand up at the beginning and the end of mass."
"you are dead to me."

anniegetyerfun December 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm

"No va"? Sounds Messican to me. WHERE IS ITS BIRF CERTIFICATE?

Jukesgrrl December 1, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Why does he need endorsements? Given the recent choices of the Virginia electorate, he ought to be a shoo-in.

comrad_darkness December 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm

>the term “Virginia Tea Party Patriots” in the release, noting that the state’s tea party federation is named the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation.

You know who else couldn't keep the name of their political rabble-rousing group straight?

ttommyunger December 1, 2011 at 6:31 pm

"Virginia, do you really want to send back to Congress the only person in your state who is more disgusting than Eric Cantor?". Yes, yes they do!

Negropolis December 2, 2011 at 1:50 am

Everyone remembers "macaca", but what I remember about this toad was when it was revealed that he's of Jewish heritage, how he took it as if were some kind of slur against him, and then went on to be insensitive about it by saying something to the effect that he ate bacon every morning and went to church every sunday.

What a vile pig.

outragedcitizen December 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Calling for an apology from the Allan campaign, the Virginia Tea Party Patriots Federation and the Northern Virginia Tea Party did say that they agreed with his "Macaca" statement.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: