dwarf dictators

Power-Crazed Twerp Bloomberg: ‘I Have My Own Army’

#heblowsalotSociopathic kleptocrat billionaire Micheal Bloomberg came back from his castle on Bermuda to announce that buying three terms as New York’s mayor is the bestest present he could buy someone as awesome as himself, because he has “the seventh biggest army in the world” in the form of the NYPD, his own personal military force. You know who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?

PolitickerNY reports:

“I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world. I have my own State Department, much to Foggy Bottom’s annoyance. We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have,” Mayor Bloomberg said.

Well isn’t that special, Mikey.

As revolutions rage across the Western Industrialized World — from the millions on strike in the UK today, to the moral victory of the raided occupiers in Los Angeles and Philadelphia, to the coming shutdown of America’s entire West Coast — the power-mad lunatics like Bloomberg can be expected to make increasingly crazy pronouncements and command their forces to increasingly crazy violence against the citizens. But one day, the forces turn on the castle itself. [PolitickerNY]

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      1. DaRooster

        At least if I get involved I may not get put down for not putting up (peacefully) with shit like being pepper sprayed… Hell, I wanted to beat the shit out of someone just watching others get sprayed.

    1. GhostBuggy

      As a journalist, I'm looking forward to covering this and receiving clubbings, beatings and sprayings for my "safety."

      1. LesPaultard

        He's going the other way. Once he takes Connecticut, he's gonna roll all the way to Newfoundland before his supply lines get too thin.

    1. Ruhe

      Isn't there an inverse square law describing this sort of thing that could give us an actual size estimate?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I think that Bloomie was there a long time ago but he kept his "power-hungry pseudo-despot" flag somewhat hidden as a way of trying to be all things to all New Yorkers. Now it is shit-or-get-off-pot time that is approaching and he is letting it fly so his winged monkeys will do his bidding. "Now go do that voodoo that you do so well.." (I know; it's a mixed metaphor but what the hell)

    2. Numbat_Dundee

      I think there's something about being a Republican that turns them into power-hungry pseudo-despots. Non-moderate Republicans simply drop the "pseudo" bit. It's so hard to spell!

    1. Ruhe

      Actually I think he's running for President. I remember Bush II making similar claims about his experience given the size of Texas. "It's like I already been president of a big country and stuff!"

      1. SorosBot

        Well that would make the "bipartisan" authoritarians over at the Washington Post spontaneously orgasm.

    1. Negropolis

      Hey, his army is just catching up with the national circumstance. We need a Third Wolrd army to match a Third World nation.

      You know who else used their country's third iteration of government to supress his people with a brutal police presence?

  1. Captain_Quark

    Y'know, Benito Mussoilini had his own army. And look where that ultimately got him: shot full of holes and strung up along with his mistress. The good people of New York could take an example from this and brighten up the holidays by making Mikey the leading ornament on the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Who knows, maybe some creative genius will offer a "lynched tyrant" line of tree ornaments this year. I know I'd buy one.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      More recently, Saddam Hussein had his own army and he wound up hanging by his neck while the audience tweeted his execution, or Muammar Gaddafi, who wound up raped in the ass and shot full of holes.

  2. BarackMyWorld

    You know who else asked "who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket"?

    1. mereoblivion

      BarackMyWorld? (No wait, he(?)'s the answer to "You know who *else* asked 'You know who *else* asked "You know who *else* had their own . . ." ' ")
      My brain hurts.

    2. Chichikovovich

      I think you mean "You know who else had their own huge army and asked "You know who else had their own huge army, and asked the question in italics before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?" before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?"

    3. RadiosTyrone

      I think the problem here is that the "ykwe?" meme was invoked by an overlord editor. What used to be the domain of the commentariat has become hijacked by the high and mighty. Hence the confusion, merciless.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      I can change the sense of that line entirely with one hyphen.

      "A Jew-channeling Hermann Goering, how nice. "

      Or maybe it's not so different, after all.

    1. poncho_pilot

      it sounds more like he wants to see the Russian soldiers from an opposing trench. in the middle of winter, of course.

      1. Negropolis

        Things ultimately didn't work out for Germany so well either, in all of that, if I remember correctly. lol

  3. lefty74

    Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor ? Hell no! And it ain't over now!
    Neidermeyer, Bloomberg!

    1. emmelemm

      That was my question as well. I'm not exactly "well informed", but I'm unclear as to who or what Foggy Bottom is.

      1. Sparky_McGruff

        It's the neighborhood of DC where the State Department is located. Or, it's the result of eating the empanadas from the food truck. Your choice.

    2. HuddledMass

      Former diplobrat to the rescue! Foggy Bottom = "United States Department of State, which is housed in a building in a low-lying area of Washington near the Potomac River"

      1. WunkRocker

        But srsly. It is an army of fat-assed crooks. The rest of 'merica has bigger guns and more time on their hands due to you rich fucks fucking the economy so hard. Remember when Barry talked about the BITTERS in 2008? Yeah, they haven't exactly sweetened.

      1. PalinzADummy

        Why you bringing that bastard into this? He was getting all his guns and money from the fucking ColdWarCrazies at the CIA. Thanks to him, millions lost their lives, the sick fuck. And America can't praise him enough.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Why am I hearing the Clash's "English Civil War" playing in the background…?
      "The new party army, came marching right over our heads"….

  4. prommie

    Just for history, the Bloomberg used to be a democrat, and supposedly still is, but when he couldn't buy the democratic nomination for mayor, he found that the republicans were willing to sell, so he bought that one. He is, literally, a RINO. He stands zero chance of winning the GOP nomination, if thats what he's after. But I do wonder if he is thinking 3rd party.

  5. Joshua Norton

    You know who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?

    Always a pleasure to meet someone who appreciates the classics.

  6. OneYieldRegular

    Perhaps he could serve as Prime Minister when Putin becomes President again?

    But seriously, wow, on the other hand, that's sort of awesome. To quote my assigned seat mate on a LA to NY flight a few years ago, who, as we were landing at JFK, raised both of her thumbs high in the air: "New York! NEW York! Woo!"

      1. PalinzADummy

        Stevie Wonder. He was "Little Stevie Wonder" when I was a kid, and damn, when I heard that number I was so like "I ain't NEVAH goin' to New York. Or hold no packages for NOBODY, neither." (I was younger then, and not as alert to the finer points of double negatives.)

  7. DaRooster

    "…we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have."

    You use this word "diplomatic" as if you know what it means…

  8. Beowoof

    Shorty has himself a Napoleon complex. I think the Zuccotti eviction could lead to his Waterloo. One can still have hope.

    1. schvitzatura

      Remains of the 1er Regiment de Grenadiers-à-Pied will be guarding Emperor Bloomie, at the last.

  9. Trannysurprise

    Bloomy may have his own army, but we here in Washington have THE FUCKING ARMY.

    So suck it, asshole.

    1. Beowoof

      He seemed to miss the fact he doesn't have an air force or navy. His island nation state could run into some supply line issues.

  10. Lucidamente1

    Yeah, but nothing will ever top Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo's boast that his police force "could take on Cuba and win."

    1. slowhansolo

      "Just wait until after November, you'll have a front row seat because I'm going to make Attila the Hun look like a faggot." – Rizzo, during 1975 reelection campaign

      But interestingly enough, it was Wilson Goode in 1985 who bombed the MOVE house and burned down 65 others.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Michele BatShitKrayKrayMann aside, I don't think us short people have much of a prayer of even getting in the running for that position. Ask Dennis Kucinich.

  11. Lucidamente1

    Paging Mr. Sandburg, Mr. Sandburg, stat:

    "The czar has eight million men with guns and bayonets
    Nothing can happen to the czar.
    The czar is the voice of God and shall live forever.
    Turn and look at the forest of steel and cannon
    Where the czar is guarded by eight million soldiers.
    Nothing can happen to the czar."

    They said that for years and in the summer of 1914,
    As a portent and an assurance they said with owl faces:
    "Nothing can happen to the czar,"
    Yet the czar and his bodyguard of eight million vanished
    And the czar stood in a cellar before a little firing squad
    And the command of fire was given
    And the czar stepped into regions of mist and ice
    The czar traveled into an ethereal uncharted Siberia.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Hey Bloomberg, you dumbass one-percenter — it's not yours. You're just borrowing it from the people for a while. Longer than you deserve, but just a while.

  13. Joshua Norton

    We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have,

    I have no idea what point he's trying to make here. New York has no more say in what happens at the UN than Virginia has any say about what happens at the Pentagon.

    If it wasn't for tilting at windmills, this guy wouldn't get any exercise at all.

  14. Not_So_Much

    All that shit is his very own? Not for the people of NYC?

    It's a bummer you're so short and have spent your life compensating for that and your tiny dick. But, seriously, fuck you Mike.

    1. Rotundo_

      A Home Depot orange 5 gallon bucket. Or if someone working at McDonalds can spare one, a green pickle slice bucket.

  15. DaRooster

    Are "Hand-Crafted French Baskets" made in China yet… or is France truer to their citizens than we are?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, if you want the geniune Lous Vuitton Hand Crafted French Basket, it's $2,850.00 at their Madison Avenue shop. The knockoffs down in Chinatown are only $19.99, but they're good enough to catch a dozen heads before the cardboard parts get mushy.

      1. DaRooster

        For $19.99 I would volunteer for about 8 or nine heads at this point… as long as I get to choose-
        Paul Ryan
        Michele (1 fucking L… really?)

  16. PhilippePetain

    Yeah, my beleaguered hope for democratic change is wearing very thin. There's nothing I would like to see more than this man taken from his home, tarred and feathered, and driven from the city.

    Sorry. My sense of humor is apparently on the outs as well.

  17. Callyson

    “The difference between my level of government and other levels of government is that action takes place at the city level,” Mayor Bloomberg said. “The cities and mayors are where you deal with crime, you deal with real immigration problems, you deal with health problems, you deal with picking up the garbage.”
    OK, Mr Mayor, may I suggest you start dealing with your fine city's garbage that has run amok on Wall Street? Starting with the pile up at 200 West St?

  18. BlueStateLibel

    Yes, the NYPD facing off against mostly unarmed, untrained civilians instead of another opposing highly trained armed military is exactly what makes NYPD an "army." Mayor Mike sure is a dope, and way to go even envisioning the idea of a police force as a military force.

  19. actor212

    Well, the fact that in his official Gracie Mansion portrait, he wears a bicorne, a waistcoat and sticks his hand inside his shirt, should have been a clue the kind of mayor we elected.

  20. Eve8Apples

    Hey Bloomie – Why don't you use your big bad Army to march down to Wall Street and arrest the white collar crooks who brought the nation's and world's economies to near total collapse in the fall of 2008.

    I read that the 2008 financial meltdown resulted in a loss of 12 trillion dollars in assets (4 trillion dollars in lost real estate value lost and mutual and stock losses of 8 trillion dollars). I haven't seen how much total job income has been lost, but I'm pretty sure it exceeds a trillion dollars.

    You ain't man enough to use your Army to take on the real criminals in your city. Instead, you'll pick on some teenage African American kid who holds up a convenience store and gets away with a carton of cigarettes and a couple hundred bucks.

    An Army is worthless unless the general has enough hair on his nuts to use it.

    1. DaRooster

      Oh, He has the fuzz to use it against the peaceful protests… but I think/hope we iz about to get busy…

    2. PalinzADummy

      Whenever we children would get overly arrogant, my father would fix us with a kindly stare and say, "When the first hair sprouts on your arse, be sure to come back and announce it. After that, we'll let you give us your opinions about everything."

      It usually sent us slinking shamefacedly away.

  21. DaSandman

    Mayor Bloomberg, Madam Defarge…Madam DeFarge, Mayor Bloomberg.

    It's about to get really nasty. Hope Mikey's got a good speech ready for his ride in the tumbrel…

  22. hagajim

    What a complete dillhole. Fuck you Mikey and fuck your army. If New Yorkers (the regular ones) wanted to they'd just steamroll your ass – cops or not.

  23. DahBoner

    On the plus side, think of all the lawn chairs he had installed so fat tourists could take a load off…

  24. widestanceshakedown

    What's left for this man who has everything but enough testosterone to sound like a man when speaking on the phone?

  25. Ancient_Hacker

    You know, he's crazy. Wikipedia says the NYPD has 35,000 officers. Add in the school crossing guards, and it doesnt break 50,000. Also looking in wikipedia under army sizes, there must be 200 countries with larger armies.

  26. Rotundo_

    And when he finally crossed the line by declaring New York City a country the Marines invaded, finding not only no resistance whatsoever, but amazingly, all streets cleared with a series of signs with arrows leading them to the Mayor with the same caption: "This way to the little asshole"

    1. PalinzADummy

      He may a short little shrimp of a squirt, but I beg to differ with you on that caption. I'm sure our ever-innovative New Yorkers would insist on "This way to the GIANT fucking asshole."

  27. horsedreamer_1

    The first New Yorker to cite his own Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines?

    You guessed it… Ol' Dirty Bastard.

  28. RavenRant

    The 'New York is so-o-o-o much better/smarter/hipper/more sophisticated than Los Angeles' folks have to STFU.

    We had the sense to hand psycho billionaire Meg Whitman her ass, with an extra-large boot print on it. New Yorkers have elected this comic book villain pindick THREE TIMES!

    1. WunkRocker

      Yes, but as I told those assholes in Campaign California that were giving me grief about living in the Jesse Helms state; "you fuckers gave us Nixon and Reagan."

  29. Negropolis

    It must suck to have such a tiny dick, huh, Micro-Penis Mike? The Battle of Wall Street, eh? We have not yet begun to fight!

    BTW, anyone missing that NYPD is being cut, from what I hear? You can't fuck with your army, Bloomberg, and expect it to have your back when shit gets really real. You haven't even yet seen what's to come.

  30. Numbat_Dundee

    Why is there a picture of David Brooks on this page? What happened to Kortney and her vegetable?

  31. KennyCB

    When Jackboots Last in Door-yard Bloomberg'd: An Elegy

    Thus spake our Führer, Herr Mike:
    "Begins now my thousand-year Reich!
    I bought a third term
    Will make liberals burn.
    So, shut up — and ride your damn bike!"

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