DWARF DICTATORS  2:56 pm November 30, 2011

Power-Crazed Twerp Bloomberg: ‘I Have My Own Army’

by Wonkette Jr.

#heblowsalotSociopathic kleptocrat billionaire Micheal Bloomberg came back from his castle on Bermuda to announce that buying three terms as New York’s mayor is the bestest present he could buy someone as awesome as himself, because he has “the seventh biggest army in the world” in the form of the NYPD, his own personal military force. You know who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?

PolitickerNY reports:

“I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world. I have my own State Department, much to Foggy Bottom’s annoyance. We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have,” Mayor Bloomberg said.

Well isn’t that special, Mikey.

As revolutions rage across the Western Industrialized World — from the millions on strike in the UK today, to the moral victory of the raided occupiers in Los Angeles and Philadelphia, to the coming shutdown of America’s entire West Coast — the power-mad lunatics like Bloomberg can be expected to make increasingly crazy pronouncements and command their forces to increasingly crazy violence against the citizens. But one day, the forces turn on the castle itself. [PolitickerNY]

 
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{ 212 comments }

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I think we're about to cross the "Peaceful Protest" threshold…

Beetagger November 30, 2011 at 3:42 pm

About damn time.

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:55 pm

At least if I get involved I may not get put down for not putting up (peacefully) with shit like being pepper sprayed… Hell, I wanted to beat the shit out of someone just watching others get sprayed.

GhostBuggy November 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm

As a journalist, I'm looking forward to covering this and receiving clubbings, beatings and sprayings for my "safety."

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:10 pm

The Rubicon has been crossed! I repeat, the Rubicon has been crossed!

Monsieur_Grumpe November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Uh, OK mike, who are you going to bomb?And if you're taking suggestions I have a few.

LesBontemps November 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm

He's making a big mistake if he declares war on New Jersey. Just sayin.'

LesPaultard November 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm

He's going the other way. Once he takes Connecticut, he's gonna roll all the way to Newfoundland before his supply lines get too thin.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Wrong. The invading horde will not get passed the Man from Nantucket.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Chris Christie will EATED HIM without mayonnaise.

Biff November 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

My guess? Albany is fucking toast.

gullywompr November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Talk about overcompensating…

Ruhe November 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Isn't there an inverse square law describing this sort of thing that could give us an actual size estimate?

gullywompr November 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Pretty sure nanotube measurements require electron scanning microscopes.

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

and nobody can afford them because their NIH funding was cut.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Ooooo.

Biff November 30, 2011 at 7:16 pm

No doubt the incriminating tweet is coming soon.

MrFizzy December 1, 2011 at 8:46 am

His army of one may be a platoon

Infrogmation December 1, 2011 at 8:56 am

But… How does your theory account for LBJ?

evan7257 November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Is there something about becoming mayor of NYC that turns moderate republicans into power-hungry pseduo-despots?

Dudleydidwrong November 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I think that Bloomie was there a long time ago but he kept his "power-hungry pseudo-despot" flag somewhat hidden as a way of trying to be all things to all New Yorkers. Now it is shit-or-get-off-pot time that is approaching and he is letting it fly so his winged monkeys will do his bidding. "Now go do that voodoo that you do so well.." (I know; it's a mixed metaphor but what the hell)

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Mixed movie metaphor, dood.

Guppy November 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm

"moderate republicans"

I'm sorry, what?

Numbat_Dundee December 1, 2011 at 6:50 am

I think there's something about being a Republican that turns them into power-hungry pseudo-despots. Non-moderate Republicans simply drop the "pseudo" bit. It's so hard to spell!

BarackMyWorld November 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

"Let me give you more reasons to call me a fascist asshole," said the New York mayor.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm

I don't want to CALL him that. I want to tattoo it on his face with red-hot needles. Blunt, dirty red-hot needles. Wiv my foot on his froat.

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

He's not even trying to hide his fascism anymore, is he?

Ruhe November 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Actually I think he's running for President. I remember Bush II making similar claims about his experience given the size of Texas. "It's like I already been president of a big country and stuff!"

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Well that would make the "bipartisan" authoritarians over at the Washington Post spontaneously orgasm.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Pffft, can he SEE Russia? STFU and you too Koch.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm

He can see Koch.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Bloomberg-Scarbourough lives.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Fortunately, fewer than 2% of the nation will buy that shit, so they'll just have to come all over themselves, as they usually do. Aim for the chin, boys!

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm

In this electoral climate, he'll be lucky if they don't drag him bodily into the public square for a burning and hanging.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Sounds like he's preparing to jump into the race.

ManchuCandidate November 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Uh, no. Beating up and pepper spraying unarmed protesters and/or shooting unarmed civillians does not an Army make unless you're a 3rd world dictator.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

unless you're a 3rd world dictator.

You're starting to catch on.

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Hey, his army is just catching up with the national circumstance. We need a Third Wolrd army to match a Third World nation.

You know who else used their country's third iteration of government to supress his people with a brutal police presence?

Captain_Quark November 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Y'know, Benito Mussoilini had his own army. And look where that ultimately got him: shot full of holes and strung up along with his mistress. The good people of New York could take an example from this and brighten up the holidays by making Mikey the leading ornament on the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Who knows, maybe some creative genius will offer a "lynched tyrant" line of tree ornaments this year. I know I'd buy one.

OneDollarJuana November 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm

More recently, Saddam Hussein had his own army and he wound up hanging by his neck while the audience tweeted his execution, or Muammar Gaddafi, who wound up raped in the ass and shot full of holes.

Ruhe November 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

"Take the Bloomberg-head-kick challenge. It's the new P-90X!"

BarackMyWorld November 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

You know who else asked "who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket"?

mereoblivion November 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

BarackMyWorld? (No wait, he(?)'s the answer to "You know who *else* asked 'You know who *else* asked "You know who *else* had their own . . ." ' ")
My brain hurts.

Mumbletypeg November 30, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Jacques Pepin?

Oh sorry.. I thought you said "handcrafted French baguette." Make it Porfirio Diaz, then.

gullywompr November 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

August Ferdinand Möbius?

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Charles I?

Chichikovovich November 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I think you mean "You know who else had their own huge army and asked "You know who else had their own huge army, and asked the question in italics before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?" before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?"

BarackMyWorld November 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Hitler?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Even *I* didn't try that, dood. This time.

BarackMyWorld December 1, 2011 at 1:27 am

I think we just killed the meme.

ShaveTheWhales November 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Quine?

Toomush_Infer November 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

It's the Redundancy Conundrum regain….

RadiosTyrone November 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I think the problem here is that the "ykwe?" meme was invoked by an overlord editor. What used to be the domain of the commentariat has become hijacked by the high and mighty. Hence the confusion, merciless.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

#OccupyYKWE

Angry_Marmot November 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Danton to Robespierre? To Tinker to Evers to Chance?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Le Roi Soleil? Wait, no, that was a different one.

yyyaz November 30, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Ron Popeil to Martha Stewart?

Numbat_Dundee December 1, 2011 at 6:53 am

Louis the Cliche

MrFizzy November 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

A Jew channeling Hermann Goering, how nice.

Beowoof November 30, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Sort of the Animal Farm angle.

OneDollarJuana November 30, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I can change the sense of that line entirely with one hyphen.

"A Jew-channeling Hermann Goering, how nice. "

Or maybe it's not so different, after all.

MrFizzy November 30, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Now that's a little frightening

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Yeah, Bloomberg sends my irony meter into a spinning tizzy most days. But then again, so does the fucking Israeli Government, the fascist shites.

yyyaz November 30, 2011 at 10:33 pm

I thought Henry the K had trademarked that role.

Thurman Munster IV November 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Plus, he could see the Russian Tea Room from his house

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

it sounds more like he wants to see the Russian soldiers from an opposing trench. in the middle of winter, of course.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Well, the time's certainly drawing nigh. Let's send his ass there!

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Things ultimately didn't work out for Germany so well either, in all of that, if I remember correctly. lol

fuflans November 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm

i hope sarah palin wasn't there.

owhatever November 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Don't call Hizzonor a power-mad lunatic. He is not power mad.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

He has not ze power. Everything else is true enough.

lefty74 November 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor ? Hell no! And it ain't over now!
Neidermeyer, Bloomberg!

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Was it over when the Japenese sacked the French in Paris? I think not!

GuanoFaucet November 30, 2011 at 3:06 pm

May Occupy Wall Street be your Waterloo, you Lilliputian emperor.

Biff November 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Has anyone 'shopped him wearing a bicorn hat?

SexySmurf November 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Who's Foggy Bottom? Bloomberg's favorite gay porn star? And why is he annoyed?

emmelemm November 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

That was my question as well. I'm not exactly "well informed", but I'm unclear as to who or what Foggy Bottom is.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

It's a metonym. (Don't thank me.)

Sparky_McGruff November 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm

It's the neighborhood of DC where the State Department is located. Or, it's the result of eating the empanadas from the food truck. Your choice.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I thought that was "Soggy Bottom." No?

HuddledMass December 2, 2011 at 10:54 am

Former diplobrat to the rescue! Foggy Bottom = "United States Department of State, which is housed in a building in a low-lying area of Washington near the Potomac River"

Ruhe November 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Who in the fuck describes their city's police force as an army?

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Unstable Fucks?

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Somebody who really wants to use their police force as an army, I suppose.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Someone who got a LOT of military equipment from DHS.

Callyson November 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Mayor Daley, 1968?

An_Outhouse November 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Hitler?

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

But srsly. It is an army of fat-assed crooks. The rest of 'merica has bigger guns and more time on their hands due to you rich fucks fucking the economy so hard. Remember when Barry talked about the BITTERS in 2008? Yeah, they haven't exactly sweetened.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Suharto?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Why you bringing that bastard into this? He was getting all his guns and money from the fucking ColdWarCrazies at the CIA. Thanks to him, millions lost their lives, the sick fuck. And America can't praise him enough.

MaxNeanderthal November 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Why am I hearing the Clash's "English Civil War" playing in the background…?
"The new party army, came marching right over our heads"….

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The Pope.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Deng Xiaopeng?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Xiao ping, le.

Numbat_Dundee December 1, 2011 at 6:56 am

Gongan shi tai pang. Tai duo donuts.

PalinzADummy December 1, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Shen me?

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Sarah Palin's Alaska National Guard?

Guppy December 1, 2011 at 10:16 am

She'd be more likely to include some secessionist militia groups as being on her side than the AKNG.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Just for history, the Bloomberg used to be a democrat, and supposedly still is, but when he couldn't buy the democratic nomination for mayor, he found that the republicans were willing to sell, so he bought that one. He is, literally, a RINO. He stands zero chance of winning the GOP nomination, if thats what he's after. But I do wonder if he is thinking 3rd party.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Combining the worst of the GOP and the Dems is not much of a formula for a third party.

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

"I am in control here."

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Alexander, how are you? How is hell?

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Bloomie is his own Fag Haig.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I thought that was Ozymandias.

Joshua Norton November 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

You know who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?

Always a pleasure to meet someone who appreciates the classics.

Geminisunmars November 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

And good crafts.

OneYieldRegular November 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Perhaps he could serve as Prime Minister when Putin becomes President again?

But seriously, wow, on the other hand, that's sort of awesome. To quote my assigned seat mate on a LA to NY flight a few years ago, who, as we were landing at JFK, raised both of her thumbs high in the air: "New York! NEW York! Woo!"

littlebigdaddy November 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm

New York City…just like I pictured it…skyscrapers and everything!

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Stevie Wonder. He was "Little Stevie Wonder" when I was a kid, and damn, when I heard that number I was so like "I ain't NEVAH goin' to New York. Or hold no packages for NOBODY, neither." (I was younger then, and not as alert to the finer points of double negatives.)

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm

To be fair, that could have been code for "Not Los Angeles! NOT Los Angeles! Woo!"

MrsBiggTime November 30, 2011 at 3:13 pm

With that large an army, friendly fire is always a possibility, Generalisimo Bloomberg.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

So is a coup d'etat.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:22 pm

He won't think it's so fucking friendly when it removes his left hind cheek.

DerrickWildcat November 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

When I was a little kid I had my own Army.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Where does General Sherman keep his armies?

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

"…we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have."

You use this word "diplomatic" as if you know what it means…

Barrelhse December 1, 2011 at 8:06 am

And entree is lunch.

Guppy December 1, 2011 at 10:16 am

It means "unenforceable parking tickets."

elviouslyqueer November 30, 2011 at 3:18 pm

#OccupyGracieMansion

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Be my guest … Bloomie ain't there. (Wasn't as nice as his own digs.)

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

No harm in getting the homeless to #Occupy it, then.

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:38 pm

You'll have to kick out all of Guiliani's mistresses, first. Yes, they are still holed up in there.

Beowoof November 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Shorty has himself a Napoleon complex. I think the Zuccotti eviction could lead to his Waterloo. One can still have hope.

Dudleydidwrong November 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I guess that Staten Island would be a rough parallel with Saint Helena.

schvitzatura December 1, 2011 at 3:42 am

Remains of the 1er Regiment de Grenadiers-à-Pied will be guarding Emperor Bloomie, at the last.

Trannysurprise November 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Bloomy may have his own army, but we here in Washington have THE FUCKING ARMY.

So suck it, asshole.

Beowoof November 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm

He seemed to miss the fact he doesn't have an air force or navy. His island nation state could run into some supply line issues.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Aaaaand someone's already proven he's extremely vulnerable to unarmed passenger aircraft.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Someone should point out to him that if Washington ever decides to cut the bridges to his city, he's gonna be singing a very different tune.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

George Washington had to retreat from New York.

OKthennext November 30, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Kurt Russell had to escape from New York.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 10:37 pm

I thought you were dead?

OKthennext November 30, 2011 at 11:07 pm

"You and everybody else."

Lucidamente1 November 30, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Yeah, but nothing will ever top Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo's boast that his police force "could take on Cuba and win."

ShaveTheWhales November 30, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Jesus. I had completely forgotten Frank Rizzo. Thanks a lot.

slowhansolo December 1, 2011 at 2:59 am

"Just wait until after November, you'll have a front row seat because I'm going to make Attila the Hun look like a faggot." – Rizzo, during 1975 reelection campaign

But interestingly enough, it was Wilson Goode in 1985 who bombed the MOVE house and burned down 65 others.

byepluto November 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I guess that's the closest Bloomberg can ever get to being the Commander in Chief, eh?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Michele BatShitKrayKrayMann aside, I don't think us short people have much of a prayer of even getting in the running for that position. Ask Dennis Kucinich.

Lucidamente1 November 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Paging Mr. Sandburg, Mr. Sandburg, stat:

"The czar has eight million men with guns and bayonets
Nothing can happen to the czar.
The czar is the voice of God and shall live forever.
Turn and look at the forest of steel and cannon
Where the czar is guarded by eight million soldiers.
Nothing can happen to the czar."

They said that for years and in the summer of 1914,
As a portent and an assurance they said with owl faces:
"Nothing can happen to the czar,"
Yet the czar and his bodyguard of eight million vanished
And the czar stood in a cellar before a little firing squad
And the command of fire was given
And the czar stepped into regions of mist and ice
The czar traveled into an ethereal uncharted Siberia.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 3:28 pm

And to think that people say he's not a real New Yorker.

Blueb4sunrise November 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Slogan: He kept us them SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Theme song. Jimmy Reed 'Bright Lights, Big City"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giGGK3Fk9co&fe

or 'Big Boss Man'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd-o_kLONVI&fe
or "Going to New York'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6MRdFjvjXw&fe

Barrelhse December 1, 2011 at 8:12 am
SayItWithWookies November 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Hey Bloomberg, you dumbass one-percenter — it's not yours. You're just borrowing it from the people for a while. Longer than you deserve, but just a while.

Joshua Norton November 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm

We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have,

I have no idea what point he's trying to make here. New York has no more say in what happens at the UN than Virginia has any say about what happens at the Pentagon.

If it wasn't for tilting at windmills, this guy wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Not_So_Much November 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm

All that shit is his very own? Not for the people of NYC?

It's a bummer you're so short and have spent your life compensating for that and your tiny dick. But, seriously, fuck you Mike.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm

…before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket?

Who among us peasants can afford such a thing?

Hizzoner's head can roll into a knockoff made in China, bought at Walmart.
~

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Just remarkable… see right below… crazy, man.

Rotundo_ November 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

A Home Depot orange 5 gallon bucket. Or if someone working at McDonalds can spare one, a green pickle slice bucket.

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Are "Hand-Crafted French Baskets" made in China yet… or is France truer to their citizens than we are?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Well, if you want the geniune Lous Vuitton Hand Crafted French Basket, it's $2,850.00 at their Madison Avenue shop. The knockoffs down in Chinatown are only $19.99, but they're good enough to catch a dozen heads before the cardboard parts get mushy.

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm

For $19.99 I would volunteer for about 8 or nine heads at this point… as long as I get to choose-
Boehner
Paul Ryan
Cantor
Douche
Newt
Michele (1 fucking L… really?)
Etc…

PhilippePetain November 30, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Yeah, my beleaguered hope for democratic change is wearing very thin. There's nothing I would like to see more than this man taken from his home, tarred and feathered, and driven from the city.

Sorry. My sense of humor is apparently on the outs as well.

CrunchyKnee November 30, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Awwww, Bloomie has a hard-on for himself.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Good — telling him to go fuck himself now has at least an air of plausibility.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:28 pm

He should live so long. His microweenie doesn't reach that far.

Callyson November 30, 2011 at 3:33 pm

“The difference between my level of government and other levels of government is that action takes place at the city level,” Mayor Bloomberg said. “The cities and mayors are where you deal with crime, you deal with real immigration problems, you deal with health problems, you deal with picking up the garbage.”
OK, Mr Mayor, may I suggest you start dealing with your fine city's garbage that has run amok on Wall Street? Starting with the pile up at 200 West St?

BlueStateLibel November 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Yes, the NYPD facing off against mostly unarmed, untrained civilians instead of another opposing highly trained armed military is exactly what makes NYPD an "army." Mayor Mike sure is a dope, and way to go even envisioning the idea of a police force as a military force.

smitallica November 30, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Suck my dick, Bloomberg. It shoots protein, which is really just a food product, essentially.

actor212 November 30, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Well, the fact that in his official Gracie Mansion portrait, he wears a bicorne, a waistcoat and sticks his hand inside his shirt, should have been a clue the kind of mayor we elected.

Eve8Apples November 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Hey Bloomie – Why don't you use your big bad Army to march down to Wall Street and arrest the white collar crooks who brought the nation's and world's economies to near total collapse in the fall of 2008.

I read that the 2008 financial meltdown resulted in a loss of 12 trillion dollars in assets (4 trillion dollars in lost real estate value lost and mutual and stock losses of 8 trillion dollars). I haven't seen how much total job income has been lost, but I'm pretty sure it exceeds a trillion dollars.

You ain't man enough to use your Army to take on the real criminals in your city. Instead, you'll pick on some teenage African American kid who holds up a convenience store and gets away with a carton of cigarettes and a couple hundred bucks.

An Army is worthless unless the general has enough hair on his nuts to use it.

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Oh, He has the fuzz to use it against the peaceful protests… but I think/hope we iz about to get busy…

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Whenever we children would get overly arrogant, my father would fix us with a kindly stare and say, "When the first hair sprouts on your arse, be sure to come back and announce it. After that, we'll let you give us your opinions about everything."

It usually sent us slinking shamefacedly away.

DaSandman November 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Mayor Bloomberg, Madam Defarge…Madam DeFarge, Mayor Bloomberg.

It's about to get really nasty. Hope Mikey's got a good speech ready for his ride in the tumbrel…

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:31 pm

A la lanterne!

hagajim November 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

What a complete dillhole. Fuck you Mikey and fuck your army. If New Yorkers (the regular ones) wanted to they'd just steamroll your ass – cops or not.

chascates November 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Then take on the Kochs and their army. Preferably in Utah or Nevada.

Biff November 30, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I think the CAVE people here in Nevada would welcome that, sadly.

littlebigdaddy November 30, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Maybe he's been working on a clone army? BTW that was the worst movie ever.

mavenmaven November 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

He's still no one until he performs in drag on SNL.

chascates November 30, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Now wait for Trump to up the ante by offering Rudy Giuliani a field marshal's baton.

DahBoner November 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

On the plus side, think of all the lawn chairs he had installed so fat tourists could take a load off…

meatlofer November 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Does your Army hold it's wars in New Jersey? Like your fucking football teams do?

widestanceshakedown November 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm

What's left for this man who has everything but enough testosterone to sound like a man when speaking on the phone?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm

A handcrafted French basket?

Ah ! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira

actor212 November 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm

My name is Michaew Bwoombeg, biwwionaire. I own a mansion and a awmy.

Chichikovovich November 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Shhhh… I'm hunting wascawy wadicals.

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Welease Woger!

Chichikovovich November 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm

No! Welease Wodewick!

Angry_Marmot November 30, 2011 at 7:11 pm

But he's a wapist and a wobber!

mrblifil November 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm

He also has his own Mandingo-sized black dildo.

Nostrildamus November 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Toomush_Infer November 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Shit, what's left to be said: start spreading the news….

Barrelhse November 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Blow, Mikey, blow! Suck is just a figure of speech.

El Pinche November 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm

What? Does he plan on invading Jersey or Syracuse? WHO THE FUCK CARES, ASSHOLE!

KeepFnThatChicken November 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm

That cut from the article made about as much sense as a chocolate cheese coffee pot.

Ancient_Hacker November 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

You know, he's crazy. Wikipedia says the NYPD has 35,000 officers. Add in the school crossing guards, and it doesnt break 50,000. Also looking in wikipedia under army sizes, there must be 200 countries with larger armies.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

He was talking about waist size.

Chichikovovich November 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Measuring armies by the size of their arsenal, though, he might have a point.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

You may have the goons, asshole, but we're the Dead Ráibéad

JackObin November 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm

A square Miles Davis.

Rotundo_ November 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

And when he finally crossed the line by declaring New York City a country the Marines invaded, finding not only no resistance whatsoever, but amazingly, all streets cleared with a series of signs with arrows leading them to the Mayor with the same caption: "This way to the little asshole"

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 7:54 pm

He may a short little shrimp of a squirt, but I beg to differ with you on that caption. I'm sure our ever-innovative New Yorkers would insist on "This way to the GIANT fucking asshole."

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:41 pm

The first New Yorker to cite his own Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines?

You guessed it… Ol' Dirty Bastard.

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:46 pm

May he rest in peace.

RavenRant November 30, 2011 at 9:14 pm

The 'New York is so-o-o-o much better/smarter/hipper/more sophisticated than Los Angeles' folks have to STFU.

We had the sense to hand psycho billionaire Meg Whitman her ass, with an extra-large boot print on it. New Yorkers have elected this comic book villain pindick THREE TIMES!

WunkRocker December 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Yes, but as I told those assholes in Campaign California that were giving me grief about living in the Jesse Helms state; "you fuckers gave us Nixon and Reagan."

Jukesgrrl November 30, 2011 at 9:46 pm

If the NYPD is his Army what are the Rockettes?

not that Dewey November 30, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Comfort women?

MilwaukeeKent November 30, 2011 at 9:54 pm

His "Ukrainian Nurse Bodyguards"?

MilwaukeeKent November 30, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Suggest he turn that personal army of his loose on Nassau County.

ttommyunger November 30, 2011 at 10:41 pm

"…….now if I only had a normal penis instead of this laughable little gherkin."

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:07 pm

It must suck to have such a tiny dick, huh, Micro-Penis Mike? The Battle of Wall Street, eh? We have not yet begun to fight!

BTW, anyone missing that NYPD is being cut, from what I hear? You can't fuck with your army, Bloomberg, and expect it to have your back when shit gets really real. You haven't even yet seen what's to come.

datateday December 1, 2011 at 12:11 am

One of the world's largest castles, that is.

Numbat_Dundee December 1, 2011 at 6:58 am

Why is there a picture of David Brooks on this page? What happened to Kortney and her vegetable?

lloydstool December 1, 2011 at 8:10 am

Tall, handsome, generous and smart. Gay-marry me, Mikey!

KennyCB December 1, 2011 at 3:55 pm

When Jackboots Last in Door-yard Bloomberg'd: An Elegy

Thus spake our Führer, Herr Mike:
"Begins now my thousand-year Reich!
I bought a third term
Will make liberals burn.
So, shut up — and ride your damn bike!"

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I saw him at a Memphis Blues Festival as lead in act for Muddy Waters.

actor212 November 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm

En francaise, c'est "calomnie". Repetez, s'il vous plait.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm

That band became… Deep Purple. And now you know the rest of the story.

Negropolis December 1, 2011 at 8:24 am

You know who else was known for killing memes?

OK, I think I just killed it with that one. lol

PalinzADummy December 1, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I'll split the blame with you, 50-50.

PalinzADummy December 1, 2011 at 12:25 pm

No, wait, that was MEEEE!

Sorry. For a moment, there, I was possessed by teh spirit of Joe Lieberman.

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