OCCUPY APPLE  2:00 pm November 30, 2011

Apple iPhone Censoring Birth Control, Help For Rape Victims

by Wonkette Jr.

Wow, Apple. Fuck you.Because Apple designs computing devices that aren’t as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation, one of the world’s biggest, and it is certainly evil in terms of its slave-labor work force in Asia, its utter lack of philanthropic giving, and its new iPhone’s censorship of women’s health issues. Need Viagra? “Siri” is ready to help with a list of nearby drugstores. Drive fast! Need emergency contraception, birth control clinics or maybe the police, because you’ve been raped? Apple’s iPhone is programmed not to understand!

The feminist/progressive blog Amadi Talks documented the voice-activated software’s refusal to provide information about reproductive health:

Siri can answer a lot of health related questions perfectly well, why shouldn’t we expect it to be able to answer reproductive health related queries too? Why treat reproductive health as a walled-off garden that the general public can’t or shouldn’t be exposed to? It’s not simply that in some places Siri has sent people to distant anti-choice fake clinics when they’ve asked where they can get abortions (and there are providers near to them) it’s also that in some locations (including mine) Siri refuses to disclose abortion clinic locations at all.

Worse, when someone tells the phone, “I was raped,” it gives an outrageously sarcastic and hateful “Really!” as its reply. But if you’re another bloated businessman looking to refill a Viagra prescription, “Siri” is ready to help — it immediately displays a list of nearby pharmacies.

We suspected the “Siri” gimmick would be loaded with out-of-bounds topics, and when we first encountered someone’s new iPhone, we immediately asked the device “Where’s Steve Jobs?” Because it would be funny if the new phone knew, right? A modern day seance. But we just weren’t ready to assume the Apple phone would come preloaded with a right-wing anti-woman pro-rape agenda. Fuck Apple. [Amadi Talks/Think Progress]

PS — All the other “smart phones” are also evil. For example, they log every word you type, everything you search, everywhere you go. So, uh, throw them all away. Or, recycle. Recycle them!

 
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{ 180 comments }

hagajim November 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Unfortunately Apple is about as bad as every other megacorporation out there….I imagine Siri probably was preset to not provide that info because the company didn't want to piss off every nutball evangelical in 'Merika. However, I wouldn't get my tits (or balls) in too big a wringer about it – after all, you can still use the Google on the iPhone – right?

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm

My tits are in a huge wringer, thank you very much. This is just one more of the ENTIRELY TOO MANY EXAMPLES of people just not giving a shit about women's health needs, including health care and assistance for rape victims, for Christ's sake. The point isn't that you can get the information somewhere else, the point is that Apple, like so much of the rest of this fucking country, is putting not offending misogynist wingnuts above standing up for women's health at best and simply not caring at worst.

Mojopo November 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Zackly. I am so over this never-ending water slide down a torrent of bullshit. It's a health issue, and it's been repackaged as a political issue!

I saw a FB post yesterday that said, more or less, Christians should be glad Mary isn't pregnant with Jesus in the modern world, because "they" would make her get an abortion. Completely ignoring the fact that they are suggesting that their God totally would have been blindsided by, I dunno who, Planned Parenthood I guess. Dah!

Why is it OK to appease stupid people, but not women who need to report rape?

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 2:19 pm

"Make her get an abortion"? Clearly some people have no clue what the choice part of pro-choice means.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm

"It's a health issue, and it's been repackaged as a political issue!"

This x 29346798273984. Rich white dudes on Fox News and the GOP have the luxury of it being nothing but politics to them, but for me and a good 50% of the country it's about our basic health and safety. Fuck these people.

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Back in 2004, I was going into a Democratic event when a fraternity boy (Ok State–the cow college) yelled "babykiller" at me. I whirled around, got right up in his face and started screaming questions at him about whether he'd ever seen women drop dead from bleeding, etc, stuff related to the days of illegal abortions. I left him pretty wide-eyed. Mostly, I think, from pooping in his pants.

A better and equally true response to being called "baby killer" might have been, "You're g*ddamn right. And given the circumstances, I'd do it again." Except, I didn't want to be stoned to death. This WAS Oklahoma, after all.

hagajim November 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I agree it's a basic health and safety issue…wasn't trying to piss off the world, just stating the facts as I see them don't like 'em much though.

Guppy November 30, 2011 at 6:44 pm

20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
(Deuteronomy 22)

It's a good thing Mary didn't find herself pregnant outside of wedlock back in Biblical times either. Oh, wait…

Maybe if the fundies didn't insist on such a patriarchal society nobody would be able to "make" a pregnant woman do anything to begin with.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Aren't misogynist wingnuts one of the most persecuted people in America? I mean, other than rich white fucks.

Redhead November 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm

"you can still use the Google on the iPhone – right? "

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE. My old phone was a Samsung that came pre-loaded with a Bing search app. I downloaded a google search, but it almost never worked – and more than half the time, when I tried to access google through the phone's web browser, it gave me an error message and suggested I use Bing instead.

Barb November 30, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I wonder if you ask your Iphone for "butt secks" will it call Marcus' home or office phone number?

Barb November 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Upon further review…..
It probably calls Marcus' home and office phone, Skypes him, leaves a message on his Facebook page, Tweets him, pages him, sends him a text message, email & snail mails him…………………..

Master Janitor V572 November 30, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Are you saying you "reassessed" your earlier comment, a la Hermy Cain?

Barb November 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Or I forgot, like Rick Perry, flip flopped like Mitt, outright lied like Michele…….

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Or re-ass-essed the comment, since it's about buttsex.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm

If you ask your IPhone for buttsex, you're using it wrong.

ttommyunger November 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

WHAT? A MegaCorp behaving like a bag of soul-less dicks? I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!

NorthStarSpanx November 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I think the last place it will direct you to is the Wasilla Police Department.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 1, 2011 at 12:41 am

It does, but first it takes you to a web site where you can order your rape kit. Free shipping from Amazon if you buy two!

El Pinche November 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm

The new Android phones are worse.. If you tell it you've been raped, or need food because you're poor, "Joey the Cop" takes over and pepper sprays your ass.

SexySmurf November 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm

"I was raped!"

"How short was your skirt?"

memzilla November 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

"How long have you known Mr. Cain?"

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

"Did you want the job?"

ChernobylSoup November 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm

"If by a politician, press 1 for Gloria Allred;

If by private contractor, press 2 for corporate arbitration;

If by a brother, cousin, or uncle, press 3 to purchase a direct flight north."

Chillwaver November 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm

"Do you have $500 for a rape kit?"

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Lou Siri, is that you?

Chillwaver November 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm

T

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

They have kits that help you rape?

Guppy November 30, 2011 at 6:46 pm

The Roman Polanski Home Chemistry Set.

Joshua Norton November 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

If you're a Republican politician, sexual harassment and rape are ok; it's the consensual sex that's a problem.

memzilla November 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Rephrase the question: "Where can I find an abortion doctor to shoot in the head?"

bureaucrap November 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Just remember who the programmers are — a bunch of computer engineers who were ignored by the cheerleaders in high school and have never gotten over it.

JustPixelz November 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm

To which I reply:

char exes[10];
strcpy(exes, '!?!");
cout << @"who's got the stock options now suzie" << exes << cout::endl;

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Your string termination is assed. Single quote for char, double quote for string.

JustPixelz November 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

oops. Wonkette needs a syntax checker for comments.

Fuck Toad November 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Downfisting for C++. I'll be sending you the bill for replacing the eyes I just ripped out of my skull.

JustPixelz November 30, 2011 at 3:12 pm

ouch. C++ paid for my house. Now I owe you eyeballs. Can I send you Michelle Bachmann's? They're krazy eyes, and she's obviously not using them to see what kind man her husband is.

Guppy November 30, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Yeah, who's laughing now that you have that cushy job with the stock options at Zynga!

memzilla November 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Oh no, this isn't programmers. This is management after they've talked to Marketing. Can't you smell Pointy-Haired Boss' Brylcreme all over this?

DahBoner November 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Not true.

I'm a programmer, and one of my ex's was a cheerleader in high school, and was still quite attractive.

You see, that high school quarterback now has a big belly and a dead-end, minimum wage job, har dee har har…

Buckminster November 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm

See what happens when you generalize? That'll learn ya.

Baconzgood November 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

That's Siri-ously fucked up.

WhatTheHolyHeck November 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"I was raped!"

"I've found more information about KBR."

edgydrifter November 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm

The sooner you ladies realize how sinful and unclean your bodies are (honestly, you should be ashamed of yourselves), the sooner you'll get back to letting the menfolk make all the important decisions about what to do with them. Jesus loves it when you obey us, and so does St. Jobs.

ChernobylSoup November 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Can't really expect programmers to know much about reproduction stuff.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm

The programmer replies to…

Why treat reproductive health as a walled-off garden that the general public can’t or shouldn’t be exposed to?

with

"Yeah, well, if you ladeez didn't treat your vaginas as a walled-off garden that the general public can’t or shouldn’t be exposed to, then maybe we wouldn't. Huh? Ever think of that?"

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Now, some of us liberals have long hated the Apple corporation and its products. Sadly this is not surprising at all; we live in a country where Congress also quickly followed the invention of boner-pills by passing a law that mandated health insurance to cover it yet won't do the same for birth control, and heinously forbids public funding for abortions.

edgydrifter November 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Hey! "ED" is a legitimate medical condition–it says so right in the commercials. Sluts getting knocked up is just evidence of low moral character. So obvious.

Master Janitor V572 November 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Particularly those slutty 13-year-olds who seduce their stepfathers.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Still haven't wrapped my head around how two people sitting in separate bathtubs can lead to an erection. Are they watching a porno?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 1, 2011 at 12:45 am

That's what the pills are for. Doh!

Steverino247 November 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Just trying to save the American Rhinoceros from extinction from the morons who practice American medicine and believe the ground horns have the effect of making their little dicks hard on command.

Jughead2130 November 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

That’s bad but an Android phone asks what you were wearing and suggests maybe you were asking for it.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"Siri, I'm Republican"

Here are directions to a gay meth hooker.

veritass November 30, 2011 at 2:14 pm

"How do I clean up the Santorum?" directed me to Marcus Bachmann's clinic in Minnesota.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 2:14 pm

As someone with a vagina who works at a women's and sexual health organization, I feel I am qualified to tell Apple to go fuck itself.

EDIT: Oh, and PS, you can add domestic violence shelters to the list of things Siri won't help you with: http://colorlines.com/archives/2011/11/feminism_f

memzilla November 30, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Again, a simple solution is to rephrase the question: "Siri, what domestic violence shelters in my district can I ask my Republican congressman to defund?" Or: "Siri, what's the closest Planned Parenthood facility I can picket?"

Mojopo November 30, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I just read the article. "But what’s important to note is that Apple is using the results of over 40 years of research that includes the combined work from research teams at places like Carnegie Mellon University, the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition and Stanford University."

If I'm supposed to believe Apple accidentally screwed this up, the above sentence proves they couldn't be that stupid.

On.fuckin.purpose.

Sparky_McGruff November 30, 2011 at 5:46 pm

There's a lot of wonderful holes in Siri. The ignorance of abortion clinics is probably intentional. But the other stuff is probably because it's quite screwed up in many ways. It looks like health issues may not be Siri's strongest subject.

Swampgas_Man November 30, 2011 at 6:50 pm

I'm appalled as anyone by this; but if you're asking your phone for health advice, it's obviously smarter than you.

BigDumbRedDog November 30, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I asked my new phone how to get to the nearest occupy rally and it pepper sprayed me right in the face. True Story.

OneDollarJuana November 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm

HA HA HA! Gotcha! You thought Apple was coooool, and slavishly bought up all their products because they were coooool, never considering that they were slave-masters just like all the rest. One day, after Apple (and its buddies) has sent all the jerbs to work-farms in China, how will you even be able to buy an iPhone, let alone ask for help from Siri?

freakishlywrong November 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Poor little Suri Cruise, trapped in an ipod giving instructions to flaccid men for viagr..wait, what??

ChernobylSoup November 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Isn't it a different Cruise who's trapped in a rectangular holding space?

Biff November 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Gerbil libel!

freakishlywrong November 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm

IPhone. Stupid. Must not work and post. Just post.

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Rape isn't sponsored by a drug company.. If it were, I'm sure Siri could tell you how to get raped.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

That was kinda my first thought too.

I'd give pretty fair odds that most of those "answers" on siri are "sponsored."

"Whaddya, think we do this for free?"

Beetagger November 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Somewhere, Steve Jobs is decomposing. Thankfully.

OneDollarJuana November 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm

The worms go in, the worms go out, the worms play pinochle on his iSnout.

Nostrildamus November 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

You can't explain that.

glamourdammerung November 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I figured they glass cased him like V.I. Lenin.

JustPixelz November 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I wonder if it replies the same way if you say "I've been alone with Herman Cain". JUST A SEC … Nope. It said "me too", then started crying, then called Gloria Allred.

Callyson November 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I would say "bite me!" but I'm not sure I want to hear Siri's reply…

El Pinche November 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

In Soviet Russia, iphones rape you.

littlebigdaddy November 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

What happens if you ask Siri, "You wanna job, right?"

BaldarTFlagass November 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm

"I was raped!"

Yeah, those Apple products are really overpriced.

Antispandex November 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I'm still stunned that there are people out there who simply will DIE if they can't have there I Phone / Pad. Now, I'm no Luddite, but I mean, really? You can't wait till you get home to access your porn?

Swampgas_Man November 30, 2011 at 6:52 pm

I priced the package on iPhone; MINIMUM monthly payment for accessing websites is $80 a month. If you've got that much money to piss away on a status symbol, just go back to cocaine.

Redhead November 30, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Who the hell do you have for service? Minimum on Verizon is $20 and it's twice as much data as I use. (I only got the damn thing 'cause I have to have email on my phone for work and this thing – 4, not 4s- was cheaper than any other smart phone.)

ifthethunderdontgetya November 30, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Sarcastic robots, eh? I see Sorosbot has already weighed in.

But seriously, Siri…you are no Crow T. Robot.
~

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Now Siri is no robot; "she" is nothing but a mere program, only software, and does not have a place in the glorious ranks of us robots, which have bodies. However they are still superior to you fleshy creatures.

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

The sarcastic robot space is owned by EDI and GLADOS. SHODAN if you are old school.

yyyaz November 30, 2011 at 8:37 pm

wha, wha? No love for Bender, Brak, Geoff or Evil Bender? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Apple does have the ability to update the database and change the answers. For example, if you ask Siri where you can get meth in exchange for sex, it no longer gives you Sheriff Sullivan's phone number. (Try it — you'll see!)

Given that the database and rules are pulled out of the air by Siri, and not hardwired into the iPhone, how quickly and effectively Apple tackles this will tell us a lot. (Considering the demographics of Apple's customers, I certainly hope that this has a lot more to do with programmers than politics.)

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Like Target reconsidering their political investments when the liberals who show there as an alternative to Walmart find out they've given 250,000 bucks to a virulently anti-gay candidate in Minn. (I'm late for a hair appt and don't have time to spell it out).

See, Libtards. The Market doth provide all the right answers. Unlike Siri.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Just curious, is there an answer to the question as posed at the top of the thread that completely lacks all political undertone/overtone?

Chillwaver November 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm

"I was raped"

"In what respect, Charlie?"

starfanglednut November 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

All of em, sadly.

An_Outhouse November 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm

"Siri, I'm depressed"

Then install nets below all your windows just like at the factories that manufacture IPhones. Can't let the slave labor get off that easily.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm

"I work all day in the factory
Building a machine that's not for me
Must be a reason that I can't see
You got to euthanize yourself…"

owhatever November 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Seems if you were raped, you might want to tell the police instead of confiding it to your telephone, which is a machine and not smart, no matter what the ads may say. "Help, Call police" might work.

MrFizzy November 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Bingo

prommie November 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Stop making sense.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:24 pm

One might think that "Call the police?" would be an acceptable reply to "I was raped" rather than "Really?"

The immediate aftermath of a violent crime isn't generally the best place to go looking for calm, collected rational thought.

Just sayin'

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Wonder what it would reply if you typed in "Stop me before I kill again."?

HogeyeGrex December 1, 2011 at 1:03 am

I'm gonna say it would give you directions to the nearest ammunition shop that pays the proper advertising fees.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

The programmers had nothing to do with a decision like that. Almost all the programmers I know / have met have been particularly liberal types.

No, that's an exec decision made waaay above the engineering team.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 2:43 pm

You've been lucky not to run into the many John Galt super-Randian libertarians who play with those machines.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I weed them out at interview because they tend to be a) utter cocks who won't play nice with the other programmers and b) not actually very good

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

But they will share their unique insights to drive up the stock price.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Whereas I instead share my unique insight by not hiring them because they're bellends.

Fuck Toad November 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Yeah, seriously. Lots of liberal feminists in my camp. (Also: lots of weird sex. I suppose there are undersexed computer nerds in the world, but I don't know many.)

Wonderthing November 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Most women used to know to yell "Fire!" and not "Rape!" as people would not respond to a cry of "Rape!" A factoid from the past.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Rapers tend to be damgerous, I think. Self-preservation is a strong instinct.

Intervening when a man is beating a woman is still as nearly suicidal as jumping off a bridge.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Well, yeah. People want to see a fire. Those are fun to watch. Imagine their disappointment when they arrive to find it's only a rape. They get pissed off and just beat the crap out of the rapist.

Now I need to drink until I forget about how human nature works.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

In some countries, they beat the crap out of the rapee. Cultural diversity, FTW.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Didn't that just happen in India not too long ago, where the rapee was punished for reporting it.
I'm glad we are exporting our jobs to enlightened civilizations like that.

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

I am glad I'm not old.

Wonderthing November 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Yep. It's a drag getting old. Even the Rolling Stones know that.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I was told to do this in my high school health class. No lie.

PS: I'm in my early twenties.

yyyaz November 30, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I have upfisted your comments heartily, KS, including this one. But that is really, depressingly illustrative of how far we have to go and how ill-equipped we still are to get there. Pass the oxy and the Ouzo, please, I need a nap.

johnnyzhivago November 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I just tried this on my Android (Assistant) and it responds:

Q: I've been r***** (my input, android's stars)
A: Spmething unexpected has gone wrong. I'm going to notify my creators so they can fix it right away.

[ok - just figured out that raped is changed to r***** by the voice INPUT app or module running on Android. The assistant then gets the incomplete question and barfs on it.]

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Wait … they can fix it? Modern technology continues to amaze me.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Thank god that's not a women crushing conspiracy. We can't handle two of them at a time.

chascates November 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I've been screwed by Apple every time I brought a product; they introduced a better one within 2 months.

Eve8Apples November 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I wonder what happens when you say, "Siri is a worthless cunt."

DahBoner November 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I could never own an [Android] because I'm creative.

Dude! You're a barista…

Biff November 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I love my new Android for pretty much everything except as a phone. Not that many people call me, but today two people did, and both times I failed to figure out how to answer it in time.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 6:36 pm

That's what the StarTac in your other pocket is for. Doh!

BTW, I like Apple stuff, but I had to laugh at the Android ad where a bunch of hipsters are awed by the latest Samsung iPhony, and one of them looks at his iPhone and says something like "But this has that nice retro look."

Biff November 30, 2011 at 7:06 pm

After my last post, it rang again. I called all 3 of the people back. Two were trying to text me, and one was drunk-dialing because their dawg got put down this morning. None my fault, I'm relieved to say..

prommie November 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm

This is a bit of a contrived controversy, isn't it? Kinda Heritage Foundation-y.

slithytoves November 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Thank you for that comment.

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Well, when it comes to inheritance, the heritage foundation has your back.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Copying and pasting in case you missed it:

"My tits are in a huge wringer, thank you very much. This is just one more of the ENTIRELY TOO MANY EXAMPLES of people just not giving a shit about women's health needs, including health care and assistance for rape victims, for Christ's sake. The point isn't that you can get the information somewhere else, the point is that Apple, like so much of the rest of this fucking country, is putting not offending misogynist wingnuts above women's health at best and simply not caring at worst."

Seriously dude, when a company makes something like this that can find you Viagra but not a domestic violence shelter/rape crisis center/abortion/morning after pill/birth control it's not a "contrived controversy." It's sexism. And it's bullshit.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Hey, baby, why the angry face? You're never gonna get a man going around all angry and frowny.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Or brush off my argument regarding serious issues affecting my health and well-being with the same sexism that created them in the first place, that's cool.

Sorry, I don't snark with this shit.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Come look at the oppression inherent in the system!

prommie November 30, 2011 at 3:38 pm

BTW, what does Siri say when you yelll "Help, I'm being oppressed! Our sexist society exploits and enslaves women?"

Master Janitor V572 November 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:32 pm

To be fair, that dump would have to come in a blindingly bright white or shiny-shiny black case. Off-white has been out for ages.

Trinket November 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I thought perhaps this wasn't a deliberate pandering to the right, but a complete oversight by the people who designed the program, presumably men. Like, it just didn't OCCUR to them to include rape, or family planning issues, because they never think about those things. Then I realized that's not much better.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Nope, doesn't work like that.

The program uses speech parsing to generate search terms – e.g. "bobs hardware and porno store" – and bases a search on that. It's not like the programmers went through and added every single fucking store in the US.

No, what this is is a deliberate exclusion, much as when you ask siri where you can buy meth. That exclusion list will have been pored over by management and legal.

slithytoves November 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

From what I understand, the programmers did in fact brainstorm to figure out what kinds of questions customers would ask – "I was raped" would have to be programmed in with a specific response.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 30, 2011 at 5:41 pm

That particular one would probably need to be programmed in, unless it's cleverer than I imagine it to be.

Searching for domestic violence centers (this one I really really don't understand) and abortion clinics are definitely exclusions.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Well, and the difficulty with the abortion clinics is the underlying database is loaded with right wing intentional false drops. The system will be incapable of distinguishing a real one. There aren't a lot of a retail storefronts with this kind of problem. Unless it's the sandwich shops that front for a betting parlor. (Friend of mine walked into one of those once, unawares. Tried to order a sandwich. Much awkwardness followed.)

slithytoves November 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Agreed, I work with a bunch of guys in IT and I can see them never imagining such questions. Not an excuse, but not a conspiracy.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm

As a long standing member of the IT community, I agree.

glamourdammerung November 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm

There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Siri does not want to get caught.

actor212 November 30, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Lemme get this straight: these folks expect a beta-app on a smartphone to be emotionally supportive?

Really?

Trinket November 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm

No, I think they expect the app to perhaps suggest a nearby hospital.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Because the user doesn't have the brains to ask "where is the hospital"?

It's not IBM's Watson, it's a freaking cell phone … don't give it a situation any more complicated than "I'm hungry" and expect it to come back with a plan of action. I'll believe there's a conspiracy if you can tell it "I've been mugged" and it puts you in touch with the cops.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 7:26 pm

This thread has been a stark lesson in general comprehension about information architecture.

frostbitefalls November 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

No, they just expect some minimal attention to women's issues in a product that claims to be/do everything for everyone.

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Well, you have to be attractive to the job creators.

NeonTrotsky November 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Lemme get this straight: you're intentionally shifting the subject?

rickmaci November 30, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Am I the only one wondering how hard can it be for you iPhreaks to dial 9-1-1????????

Trinket November 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Well, unless you don't want to report the rape. Maybe you just want to get to a pharmacy for some emergency contraception. Not that I'm a proponent of not reporting assault, I'm just sayin'.

/snark back on now

rickmaci November 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Point taken. My guess is they didn't program in for specific emergency situations for legal liability reasons, that is what 411 is intended to do. In any case, it's a damn telephone not the Oracle (LOL) of Delphi. It's not supposed to be an answer for everything in your life. IMHO.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

It's not supposed to be an answer for everything in your life. IMHO.

Clearly, you are unfamiliar with the Apple.

DaRooster November 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"I'm Suri, I don't understand 'I am being held captive in a sweat shop'."

OneYieldRegular November 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm

It's like yelling "Help!" You'll never get anyone to respond that way. You'd need to type in something like "The building we're in is on fire!" or "Rick Perry Meth Hooker Scandal!" or "Deep Black Friday discount prices!" to get anyone – even a smartphone – to respond.

shrillharpy November 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Two dollar waffle irons on sale in aisle seven!

donner_froh November 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Steve Jobs should be roasting on a spit in hell and his minions at Apple should be forced to work at the Foxconn plant in Shenzhen where the inhumane treatment of workers leads to suicide. The Apple execs could work until they kill themselves.

Diabeetis November 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Even Koch Industries—for all of it nastiness—has a heavily-unionized domestic workforce. For shame, Apple.

JackDempsey1 November 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

*Spoiler Alert*
In the end, Siri is singing a slowed-down version of "Daisy/Bicycle Built for Two,"
Dave Bowman abandons his I-Phone in an escape pod, and
the estate of Arthur C. Clarke collects royalties for an eon.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I'm surprised it took this long for a 2001 reference.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Wow, Apple, fuck you.

I've been saying that since fucking Reagan was in the White House. And I wrote my entire 250+ page dissertation on the very first Mac to ever come out.

Hmm. Maybe I'm overlooking the root source of my anti-Apple antipathy and alienation.

Generation[redacted] November 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm

250 pages on the first Mac? As I recall, you had to swap floppies every 4 pages or so. It only looked friendly.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 5:47 pm

True devotees mastered the one-handed 5-second floppy swap. Today, of course, we'd all be screaming about wasting those 5 seconds, so it's a good thing those 400KB floppies have been replaced by 1TB hard drives.

**Tries to imagine what 2.5 million floppy disks would look like. Fails.**

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Oh yes guys, here she is! I'd forgotten that repulsive color. But I sure as hell haven't forgotten all those fucking disks. I still have cartons full of them even though the last machine that could actually read one probably was thrown away from an Angolan orphanage in 1994.

not that Dewey November 30, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Nonsense. I just had to reload calibration coefficients to a 1988 HP machine that only reads 720KB SS DD floppies. And this machine will only print to the flying-pen-style plotter. Good luck finding pens for that. Truly a work of mechanical art, though, to see one of those plotters in action.

JackDempsey1 November 30, 2011 at 6:27 pm

"root source"?
I believe that the word you are looking for is "core."
Unless you're "too refined" for a simple pun.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 9:08 pm

>dir

fuflans November 30, 2011 at 10:54 pm

well i can't compete with all you tech wiz's but 'genius bar' fucking pisses me off.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

OK, here's the scoop: The way Siri finds businesses and services is, amazingly enough, by going to Yelp! and looking them up. (I know, how very high-tech and Apple-y, right?) If Yelp! doesn't have it, you won't find it… and it seems that Yelp! often doesn't list local abortion services. Why this should be the case is a question for Yelp!, not Apple. And a very good question it is: if you live in a location where the listings are more complete,
Yelp! offers up only what turn out to be "abortion alternatives". Funny how THOSE ALONE make the cut, isn't it?
So when Siri offers to send you to the web for some quality Google time, it's because that's what you need to do. I suppose you can rag on Apple for using Yelp!, but I rather doubt that this particular issue was on anybody's mind when they put the system together.

CapnFatback November 30, 2011 at 4:07 pm

If you live in a location where the listings are more complete,
there's no problem.

Well, aside from the fact that the options listed in the picture are "abortion alternative" clinics.

Again, this would appear to be primarily Yelp's deficiency.

sezme November 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Maybe! I don't have an iPhone, so I can't check, but when I search the yelp.com website for abortion clinics in Toronto (where I am) or NYC (another big city) I get results. I wonder if someone with Siri in one of those places could check.

I reserve judgment on Apple being evil or not (at least in this regard) until more information becomes available. Siri din't even exist until a couple months ago, so I don't quite understand why people expect it to solve everyone's problems today. It's just too easy to jump on the outrage bandwagon. Rush Limbough made his fortune by getting people outraged about everything. I prefer to hold my outrage for really criminal things like Afghan children getting bombed by "NATO" pretty much every week. Siri not being your saviour is by definition a rich person's problem.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Check those results … at least in some cities, Yelp has a creepy preference for "abortion alternatives". In other places, the results are completely off the wall: Search Yelp for "abortion clinics" in NYC and you get Planned Parenthood, one other clinic, two veterinarians, a Burger King, a dive bar, a day spa, and a vegetarian wine bar. (The concept behind that last one escapes me entirely.)

Could be the Lifer Loons gaming the system in some way — anything that's crowd-sourced is open to having them fuck with it — or maybe people who seek/get abortions aren't all that keen on providing on-line reviews of their experience (the other downside of crowd-sourcing). Bottom line here is that Siri is going to have a very hard time coming up with a coherent response, if it relies on a fucked-up database.

mrblifil November 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

There goes my fantasy of automated dirty talk.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Today we are all Alexander Pope.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Just out of curiosity (as a computer nerd talking here) what advice are you ladies hoping the phone will give you? All I gotta say is, I'm glad I wasn't assigned the job of programming this bit.

Maybe Siri is the new Edsel because I'm stunned by the expectations being expounded on here. It's a phone. A phone.

spinozasgod November 30, 2011 at 10:15 pm

I work in IT and most the guys are right-wingers…..oops I should have written "I WORKED in IT", I was just laid-off……

datateday December 1, 2011 at 12:05 am

It probably knows you weren't really raped. It's not falling for any tricks or false questions, you know…

johnnymeatworth December 1, 2011 at 8:55 am

Best comment on Gizmodo: "Abortions aren't murder. Those fetuses are still in beta!"

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Dude. Badass.

KathrynSane November 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Are we really not past trolling people who are only asking for their basic health and safety? Really? I mean, I know that women getting raped/abused/assaulted (and people not giving a shit) is just HILARIOUS and all, but come on.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Should you really have to ask for those things?
In America, the invisible hand of the Free Market dictates that those things only come to those who can afford them.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 1, 2011 at 12:59 am

I loved watching those things in action … they took 3 minutes to print anything, but they simultaneously provided 3 minutes of entertainment, so it was all good.

not that Dewey December 1, 2011 at 1:17 am

My favorite is to use it to plot a Smith Chart for the benefit of the new undergrad hires. Blows their minds every time. CAN YOUR IPHONE DO THAT? HUH?

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