gay old party

And Now This Week’s ‘Republican Caught In Gay Sex 4 Meth Sting’ Story

A timeless photo for a timeless story.You were so sure this headline was finally at long last going to be referring to Rick Perry, but still no dice. (Seriously, though, WHEN???) This time it’s America’s one-time Sheriff of the Year Patrick Sullivan, the Republican former top law enforcement official of Arapahoe County, Colorado, who is in trouble for “the usual” with these closeted old right-wing queens, trying to get hold of some hottt peen action in exchange for meth. And now everyone in Arapahoe County will pretend to be shocked that somehow a staunch Republican hater of even banal measures like medical marijuana legalization is secretly about as committed to upholding drug laws when there’s a gay hooker in the vicinity as Ted Haggard is to his straight Jesus.

From the Denver Post:

Drug task-force officers were “visually monitoring” the deal when the 68-year-old former national Sheriff of the Year delivered methamphetamine to an Aurora home and sought sex in return, said current Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson.

“This shows that no one is above the law, particularly a current or a former peace officer,” Robinson said.

Robinson said Sullivan had an ongoing relationship with the man as well as other men he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region.

Aaaand the hilarious kicker:

Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility. He was sheriff from 1984 until his retirement in 2002.

Ah, sweet irony. And now here’s hoping the next “Republican sheriff loves meth and gay hookers” headline we read is about Joe Arpaio. [Denver Post; thanks to Wonkette operative "Steve L."]

What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

175 comments

  1. GregComlish

    I heard there was a bar of soap at the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility that also has Patrick's name on it

    1. LettucePrey

      “Just because I bond random man out of jail to massage my sac and fill me out like an application means I’m GAY? The founding fathers are CRYING!”

    2. DustBowlBlues

      Kudos. My first laugh out loud comment of the day, and I just watched the Daily Show I DVR'ed from last night.

  2. justkillmenow

    These stories are kind of "dog bites man" material, but they never lose the funny. And this with the detention facility name….classic. I hope when it's Joe they make him wear pink undies – for the perp walk.

  3. offbrandboobs

    "…everyone in Arapahoe County will pretend to be shocked that somehow a staunch Republican hater of even banal measures like medical marijuana legalization …"

    But anal measures are a-ok!

    1. user-of-owls

      Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence. Dogs are incapable of feeling humiliated as they lack even the most rudimentary capacity for self-respect.

        1. user-of-owls

          You've been brainwashed by Big Dog. Wake up!

          Dogs Playing Poker is a more insidious piece of propaganda than the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

          1. Geminisunmars

            Yah, well I like and trust most dogs more than I do most people. And as for eating shit — have you been noticing what us humans been consuming these last few decades?

          2. PalinzADummy

            Dogs are loyal to the very end of their loving little lives. I don't have dogs anymore. Too gimpy to give them the exercise they need. But if humans could be genetically modified to be as loyal and loving as dogs, we would greatly improve the species.

        1. BigDumbRedDog

          How do you know? Have you ever tried it? Cat poop rolled in litter might be delicious. All crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle. Ooh look! It's still warm!

    2. widestanceshakedown

      Looks more like an "oh, yeah, baby, you're killing me, so how much longer you gonna take back there?" expression to me

    1. PalinzADummy

      I wonder what ensues when he's asked his name by other inmates?

      Inmate #1: So, uh, what's yer name?
      Patrick: Patrick Sullivan.
      #1: Really? Wow. Funny thing. This is the Patrick J. Sullivan hoosegow.
      So, what's your middle name?
      Patrick: James.
      #1: No shit? How'd'ja like that?
      Say … You wouldn't happen to be the …

      Yeah. Fill in the rest yo' own self.

  4. WunkRocker

    Straight Jesus. hahahaha Straight. Jesus. You kill me Wonkette. Unfortunately Joe Arpaioioio will only get to stayin tent #73B somewhere in the f*ckin' desert. Also.

  5. owhatever

    Sheriff Robinson admits meeting those men, but only to offer them financial advice, and friendship in the Lord. Its the Liberal Cops who are at fault for arresting him for spreading the Word, and the Liberal Press for reporting the incident. He also adamantly denies screwing the dog.

  6. WunkRocker

    Oh holy crap:
    "Sullivan had retired from law enforcement to become director of safety and security for Cherry Creek Schools in 2002, retiring from there in 2008. He was hired in the aftermath of security concerns following the deadly Columbine rampage of 1999."
    Like those kids didn't have enough problems?

  7. TeaNuts

    Boy I guess if us fun lovin Libruls want to spice things up we is just going to have to go over to the dark side, now they know how to have fun. Ewwww!

  8. johnnymeatworth

    "Drug task-force officers were 'visually monitoring' the deal."

    We can only hope that a one-way mirror was involved and that they each coughed up a twenty, at least.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I was gonna say… He's same age as Newt Gingrich, at 68.
      One's a pilfering doughboy, the other a dope-luring philanderer.

      (whether or not the comparison's accurately drawn — neither of them much good for public service in that their current vices trump any past accomplishments)..

    2. Puffperney

      Almost all males stop fantasizing at age 60 (real fact). Yet, these pervs apparently keep at it into their late 60's; it ain't fair!

  9. LettucePrey

    Don't worry, Sherriff, there's a cure for The Gay. Just get together with a bunch of other sex-starved homos in a secluded camp for a few weeks, talk about how you’re totally not gay at all and are 100% pussy loving, God-fearing breeders, throw on your baptizin’ robes and aggressively “hug” the cross until you feel the Spirit move through you. Problem solved.

    1. PalinzADummy

      I know you mean well, Lettuce, but I'm here to report that that shit don't work. You can be as gawd-fearing as you wanna, but if you're gay, you're gay. All the cross-hugging does is remind you you've got a boner from the presence of all those sweaty-buttocked fellow sufferers.

  10. PhilippePetain

    “This shows that no one is above sucking dick for meth, particularly a current or a former peace officer,” Robinson said.

  11. IncenseDebate

    I like how he tries to "anonymously" screw the dog while wearing one of the comic book crook masks!

  12. Master Janitor V572

    Arapahoe County is one giant sprawl from the east side of Denver almost down to Colorado Springs, an empty, soulless expanse of starter homes and pickup trucks. Nice views of the Rockies, though.

    And Rick Perry is not gay. All the cute young men at A&M (and many other state U's with mandatory ROTC) had to wear those uniforms, although the boots are a bit kinky, it must be admitted.

    Well okay, Rick Perry doesn't know he's gay. Yet. Like Larry Craig, only stupider. Compassion for cheap immigrant labor, sure, but guys on death row are out of luck.

  13. ThundercatHo

    Which evangelical megachurch did you say he was a deacon/asst. pastor/in charge of Sunday school?

  14. ttommyunger

    This has to send a shiver down Sheriff Joe R. Piehole's flabby spine; you just know he a J. Edgar Hoover style closet queen.

    1. GOPCrusher

      "meth and gay hookers" needs to be amended to say "meth and gay MEXICAN hookers" as the downfall of Sheriff Joe R. Piehole.

  15. Papa_Uniform

    Another HolierthanChristhimself Republithug caught in a meth for buttsects scandal? I'm too bored to yawn.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      This is clearly an opportunity for Keith O to do that montage of stories about Republiqueens being caught in gay scandals. If, given how many there are already, I'm not sure they can be called scandals anymore.

  16. Biel_ze_Bubba

    It's going to get much more interesting, once they find out where a retired cop gets his meth. (On the bright side, where he's going, the gay sex is free.)

    1. PalinzADummy

      I wouldn't call it "gay sex," since buttsechs appears to have MANY more straight participants than gay. And in prison, every guy is either screwing some ass or getting his ass screwed. The minute they get out, though, most of them are straighter than y'all outside, and never want to see anything but pussy for the rest of their lives.

  17. Callyson

    Former Arapahoe County District Attorney Jim Peters, who worked with Sullivan, said the allegations against the former sheriff are "totally out of character" for the man he knew and are "hard to believe."
    "He was completely ethical, upright and honest," Peters said. "He just oozed honesty and integrity. He was an outstanding sheriff."
    No, actually, that ooze was the santorum…

    1. poncho_pilot

      ooze is not a word most normal people would use to describe someone in a positive way. i'm confused why Peters (ha. peters!) would choose that word.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    This is really going to upset a bunch of people in Sheriff Robinson's church — he was their connection.

  19. donner_froh

    "Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

    When your name is on the door,
    Don't get caught with a whore.

        1. PalinzADummy

          I had to turn your name into one word, sob! But it's linked to the story, so maybe the eager will find you anyway. Either that or a lot of links to Der Ring des Nibelungen.

  20. subsum

    "Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

    Fucking surreal yet thoroughly amusing. It made my day.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Here's what annoys ME no end, though: When Sandusky was first arrested on charges of having sexually abused MULTIPLE minor children — disadvantaged children, at that — the judge released him on UNSECURED bail. That means he didn't pay a penny and was allowed to walk out of court a free man. IF he fails to appear for his court hearings, he or his family will THEN have to pay bail.

      Now here's Sullivan, a first-time drug offender with a lifelong record of service in a consensual homosexual relationship, who happened to deal drugs THIS ONE TIME as far as we all know. Yet he goes to jail immediately, no unsecured bail for him. Why is that? Why is it OK to release, basically on his own recognizance, an adult who has a history of raping defenseless little boys (the kids were all around 10-12 when he started on them), but NOT OK to release on OR a former sheriff in a consensual homosexual relationship?

      1. subsum

        Because Sandusky is associated with a high-profile college football team and Sullivan is not. This is America: nothing is more important than sports.

        Congress will wake up from their high-fructose corn syrup-induced coma to hold hearings on the use of steroids in professional baseball but they won't even look at a bill that would create jobs for unemployed Americans.

        Now Congress is considering also holding hearings about the abuses at Penn State only and only because it involves the school's football team. If Sandusky was a tenured professor from any Humanities-related discipline he would be in jail and Fox would be ranting about liberal faculty members being perverts and whatnot.

        Even liberal commentators like Lawrence O'Donnell and Ed Schultz have spent hours going on and on about Paterno and Sandusky. That only goes to show that nothing is more important than sports in this country.

        Since I don't give a flying fuck about sports I couldn't care less about what happens with the Penn State football program. Now, as for this guy, the only reason I find the story amusing is because this dude is famous for being a staunch conservative Republican and I'm always happy when conservatives fall from grace.

  21. paris biltong

    Hey, man, I remember being 68. I wouldn't have gone there then. Dope, hookers, when I was younger, maybe, but not then.

  22. donner_froh

    Sullivan trolls the jail records, which he controls, for twinks who like to tweak, gets them released and gives them meth that was confiscated in drug raids.

    A great deal for a low-life scumsucker who should spend the rest of his life in unrelenting agony.

  23. Mahousu

    he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region.

    I had to look up "bonding" in the (urban) dictionary. Pullquote: "Bonding leaves the user with a cooling sensation, a feeling of complete satisfaction as if the user has accomplished something of great magnitude, AND prevents chafing." He may need that in jail.

  24. Antispandex

    Thank god SOMEONE has returned to real Teapublican values. With the whole Herman Cain thing in the news, I was thinking the Party had lost it's compass.

  25. OurHoboSenator

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

  26. HobbesEvilTwin

    Thank you Jeebus for giving this to us just in time to close out Blovember!

    I think Dickcember has Rick Perry written all over it.

    1. Buckminster

      Are you sure Rick Perry hasn't been writing in crayon all over Dickcember? He's been known to do that.

  27. SaintRond

    Republicans apparently have this thing for snorting meth off boners.

    Eat your heart out, Santorum. If you had an ounce of guts you'd be doing the same thing.

  28. Mojopo

    At the message board for the first link, the high and mighty-ers are talking about the meth problem with gays, completely ignoring the fact that addiction doesn't discriminate and leading a closeted life often turns people into train wrecks.

    I'm a little sad for the sheriff, but not a lot because he could have had a much better life. He didn't choose to like peen, he chose to hide it and to be a hypocrite. How'd that work out for you, bro?

  29. Terry

    "Robinson said Sullivan had an ongoing relationship with the man as well as other men he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region."

    So, this was really an open secret amongst Arizona law enforcement for years.

    1. HarryButtle

      COLORADO law enforcement. We Arizonans have enough baggage to carry without y'all dumpin' other states' shit on us, thank you very much.

  30. x111e7thst

    If you are a mega-church pastor and you get caught with a rentboy and some meth you can just pray that nasty ghey away. What does a sheriff do, hire someone to beat it out of him with a rubber hose?

  31. Chichikovovich

    "Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

    Soon to be renamed the "That Old Geezer in Cell 12-3A Detention Facility"

  32. littlebigdaddy

    Outspoken right-wing Repub politician and law-enforcement type, Front Range suburbs….I would almost be surprised if he WEREN'T snorting meth off some guy's dick. Hey, at least it wasn't little boys!

  33. PuckStopsHere

    I think I saw this episode of Reno 911. Besides, isn't he just going to get in jail that which he was seeking in exchange for Meth? I.E., a good ass-fucking?

  34. Eve8Apples

    " the 68-year-old former national Sheriff of the Year delivered methamphetamine to an Aurora home and sought sex in return"

    Well, no wonder they named him "National Sheriff of the Year." It's thoughtful of him to deliver drugs and sex to a constituent's home. Very customer service oriented. My local sheriff just delivers arrest warrants, search warrants, summons and subpoenas. I've tried to get the bastard to bring me a pizza, but he just told me to go fuck myself. He'll never get my vote for "National Sheriff of the Year."

    1. tessiee

      "I've tried to get the bastard to bring me a pizza, but he just told me to go fuck myself."

      So, your sheriff is Dick Cheney?

  35. bureaucrap

    Denver Post: "He just oozed honesty and integrity."

    Never heard that as a euphemism for spooge before.

  36. BornInATrailer

    Um.. held in a jail named after him.

    If you wrote that into a screenplay, people would tell you to remove it so you don't destroy your audiences suspension of disbelief. That is just great.

  37. Diabeetis

    Aside from the closet-gay Republican thing, it's also worth noting how these "law and order" types often turn out to be corrupt lawbreakers themselves.

  38. Troglodeity

    The local conservative talk show host Mike Rosen is now saying that Sullivan was actually a closet … DEMOCRAT! Rosen points to Sullivan supporting additional funding for jails, etc. and restrictions on assault weapons.

    Which just goes to show that if you support raising taxes on the wealthy and any restrictions whatsoever on weapons, your next step will be to sell meth for gay sex.

  39. Rotundo_

    Republicans just don't do the discretion thing do they? Every criminal and most non-criminal in the county had to know the guy. Still, he walks in and sets up a deal and is no doubt stunned when he gets busted. I would love to hear the "Don't you know who I am!" conversation recorded when they busted his sorry ass.

    1. tessiee

      "Hello Siri"

      Tom Cruise's kid?
      "Raped by a raccoon" is probably not the weirdest thing she's ever heard.

  40. teebob2000

    >>"“Republican sheriff loves meth and gay hookers”

    Make that: “Republican sheriff loves meth and gay illegal alien cock”

  41. Tommmcattt

    At a certain point Wonkette will have to start reporting when a Republican is found in a tryst with a woman whilst sober…because the boy/meth/dildosuit thing is getting to be a daily occurrence.

  42. Negropolis

    Come on, you guys. He was obviously working undercover. And, he only took one for the team so he could find the drugs up the guy's ass.

  43. FlipOffResearch

    Imagine being stuck in a jail, named after the active sheriff, who also has a taste for man ass. It was the longest 6 months …

    This whole closeted gay Republican thing, at some point has got to stop being funny and start being sad. For right now, the Republicans are making it a cliche'.

  44. cpiacono

    Wow! What are the odds of Patrick J. Sullivan being held IN the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility?!?!! I mean, that's right up there with Lou Gehrig DYING of Lou Gehrig's disease!!!

Comments are closed.