GAY OLD PARTY  12:50 pm November 30, 2011

And Now This Week’s ‘Republican Caught In Gay Sex 4 Meth Sting’ Story

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

A timeless photo for a timeless story.You were so sure this headline was finally at long last going to be referring to Rick Perry, but still no dice. (Seriously, though, WHEN???) This time it’s America’s one-time Sheriff of the Year Patrick Sullivan, the Republican former top law enforcement official of Arapahoe County, Colorado, who is in trouble for “the usual” with these closeted old right-wing queens, trying to get hold of some hottt peen action in exchange for meth. And now everyone in Arapahoe County will pretend to be shocked that somehow a staunch Republican hater of even banal measures like medical marijuana legalization is secretly about as committed to upholding drug laws when there’s a gay hooker in the vicinity as Ted Haggard is to his straight Jesus.

From the Denver Post:

Drug task-force officers were “visually monitoring” the deal when the 68-year-old former national Sheriff of the Year delivered methamphetamine to an Aurora home and sought sex in return, said current Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson.

“This shows that no one is above the law, particularly a current or a former peace officer,” Robinson said.

Robinson said Sullivan had an ongoing relationship with the man as well as other men he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region.

Aaaand the hilarious kicker:

Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility. He was sheriff from 1984 until his retirement in 2002.

Ah, sweet irony. And now here’s hoping the next “Republican sheriff loves meth and gay hookers” headline we read is about Joe Arpaio. [Denver Post; thanks to Wonkette operative "Steve L."]

 
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{ 175 comments }

Barb November 30, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Now they can change the name of the city to ACrackaHoe County, Colorado.

JustPixelz November 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I used to live next door in Boulder County. But I don't remember much because of Boulder's second hand smoke, if you know what I mean.

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:54 pm

A veritable people's republic, I hear.

catchtheflava November 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Sheriff Joe did have that thing for pink underwear.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I believe the shade he favoured is known in trade circles as "flaming pink."

chascates November 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm

This is good news for Herman Cain.

GregComlish November 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I heard there was a bar of soap at the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility that also has Patrick's name on it

ManchuCandidate November 30, 2011 at 12:55 pm

"I Fucked the Sheriff, but I Did Not Bang the Deputy."

LettucePrey November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

“Just because I bond random man out of jail to massage my sac and fill me out like an application means I’m GAY? The founding fathers are CRYING!”

Biff November 30, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Fondling Fathers, in this case.

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Spooge Washington et al.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm

"Fill me out like an application"? Girl, I am SO stealing that!

Swampgas_Man November 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Bondage Libelz, also.

weejee November 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Jacob Marley's nephew Bob weeps.

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Kudos. My first laugh out loud comment of the day, and I just watched the Daily Show I DVR'ed from last night.

GhostBuggy November 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Oh, well fucking done,sir.

justkillmenow November 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

These stories are kind of "dog bites man" material, but they never lose the funny. And this with the detention facility name….classic. I hope when it's Joe they make him wear pink undies – for the perp walk.

OneYieldRegular November 30, 2011 at 1:31 pm

What do you want to bet that he already carries the jail nickname "Junior"?

Captain_Quark November 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

In the immortal words of the Vibrators:

"He drives a black Cadillac,
Whips and furs in the back"

starfanglednut November 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Great, great song.

Gunner Asch November 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Now I have Ode to Schadenfreude running around in my head, thanks.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I hope the chord is minor. You know, like the guy Sullivan propositioned.

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Quick–download "Schadenfreude" from "Avenue Q."

offbrandboobs November 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

"…everyone in Arapahoe County will pretend to be shocked that somehow a staunch Republican hater of even banal measures like medical marijuana legalization …"

But anal measures are a-ok!

Swampgas_Man November 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm

It's just a matter of where you put the joint, innit?

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

And just before Dickember begins.

freakishlywrong November 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Alas, though, lucky for us, Sorosbot, it's still Blowvember..

prommie November 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Those damn 'coons will fuck anything. The poor beagle, it looks so humiliated.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence. Dogs are incapable of feeling humiliated as they lack even the most rudimentary capacity for self-respect.

Geminisunmars November 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Where is my down-fister.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 3:42 pm

You've been brainwashed by Big Dog. Wake up!

Dogs Playing Poker is a more insidious piece of propaganda than the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Geminisunmars November 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Yah, well I like and trust most dogs more than I do most people. And as for eating shit — have you been noticing what us humans been consuming these last few decades?

SorosBot November 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Anything that finds shit to be a tasty treat has rather untrustworthy taste.

BigDumbRedDog November 30, 2011 at 2:47 pm

How do you know? Have you ever tried it? Cat poop rolled in litter might be delicious. All crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle. Ooh look! It's still warm!

DemmeFatale November 30, 2011 at 3:22 pm

What are you?
A cat lover?

I like cats, (if they act like dogs).

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 3:43 pm

If a cat did that, it's own entrails would crawl up its throat and strangle him.

widestanceshakedown November 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Looks more like an "oh, yeah, baby, you're killing me, so how much longer you gonna take back there?" expression to me

Buckminster November 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

"It was that or turn over all my Alpo to him."

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Only a dog would consider assfuckin' an acceptable price to pay for a bowl of industrial waste.

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

That's so cool to be jailed in your own jail. How many people can say that?

Biff November 30, 2011 at 1:12 pm

There's an Xzibit meme continuation in there somewhere, no doubt.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Didn't Walnuts crash something into something named after his Grand daddy?

Spurning Beer November 30, 2011 at 1:32 pm

SFExistence, allow me to rephrase:

You know who else was locked up in his own jail?

LesPaultard November 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Ronald Reagan

widestanceshakedown November 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Barney Fife (sp?)?

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

a male iPhone?

chicken_thief November 30, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Houdini, there for a second?

CthuNHu November 30, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Rudolf Hess?

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2011 at 7:37 am

Staind?

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I wonder what ensues when he's asked his name by other inmates?

Inmate #1: So, uh, what's yer name?
Patrick: Patrick Sullivan.
#1: Really? Wow. Funny thing. This is the Patrick J. Sullivan hoosegow.
So, what's your middle name?
Patrick: James.
#1: No shit? How'd'ja like that?
Say … You wouldn't happen to be the …

Yeah. Fill in the rest yo' own self.

Rosie_Scenario November 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Bernie Kerik, until the place was renamed.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Straight Jesus. hahahaha Straight. Jesus. You kill me Wonkette. Unfortunately Joe Arpaioioio will only get to stayin tent #73B somewhere in the f*ckin' desert. Also.

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 12:58 pm

i can't believe we had to wait until Wednesday. Thanksgiving ruins everything.

owhatever November 30, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Sheriff Robinson admits meeting those men, but only to offer them financial advice, and friendship in the Lord. Its the Liberal Cops who are at fault for arresting him for spreading the Word, and the Liberal Press for reporting the incident. He also adamantly denies screwing the dog.

Geminisunmars November 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Screwing the pooch, however, is another matter.

Troglodeity November 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Actually, he is waiting to "get more information" before he can deny the dog stuff.

Baconzgood November 30, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Ahhhh. Don't ya love Blowvember.

Sparky_McGruff November 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm

I think this is more like Meth-member.

WunkRocker November 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Oh holy crap:
"Sullivan had retired from law enforcement to become director of safety and security for Cherry Creek Schools in 2002, retiring from there in 2008. He was hired in the aftermath of security concerns following the deadly Columbine rampage of 1999."
Like those kids didn't have enough problems?

TeaNuts November 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Boy I guess if us fun lovin Libruls want to spice things up we is just going to have to go over to the dark side, now they know how to have fun. Ewwww!

johnnymeatworth November 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

"Drug task-force officers were 'visually monitoring' the deal."

We can only hope that a one-way mirror was involved and that they each coughed up a twenty, at least.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

More likely they coughed up their lunch.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

For christ's sake Patrick, act your age.

Mumbletypeg November 30, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I was gonna say… He's same age as Newt Gingrich, at 68.
One's a pilfering doughboy, the other a dope-luring philanderer.

(whether or not the comparison's accurately drawn — neither of them much good for public service in that their current vices trump any past accomplishments)..

Puffperney November 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Almost all males stop fantasizing at age 60 (real fact). Yet, these pervs apparently keep at it into their late 60's; it ain't fair!

Snarkfest November 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I wonder if they let him pick his cellmate.

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

kinda like asking someone to the prom.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Seems only fair, since the jail is named after him.

widestanceshakedown November 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Or at least his cellmate's nose.

HogeyeGrex November 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"Nose" will be the least of it.

LettucePrey November 30, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Don't worry, Sherriff, there's a cure for The Gay. Just get together with a bunch of other sex-starved homos in a secluded camp for a few weeks, talk about how you’re totally not gay at all and are 100% pussy loving, God-fearing breeders, throw on your baptizin’ robes and aggressively “hug” the cross until you feel the Spirit move through you. Problem solved.

user-of-owls November 30, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Thanks for that imagery. I had a boner and was afraid to stand up. Not now!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Wait 'til Marcus finds out about this place!

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I know you mean well, Lettuce, but I'm here to report that that shit don't work. You can be as gawd-fearing as you wanna, but if you're gay, you're gay. All the cross-hugging does is remind you you've got a boner from the presence of all those sweaty-buttocked fellow sufferers.

Schmannnity November 30, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Santorum was right. First gay marriage and then a beagle and coon are doing it coony style.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I was assured by my gay marriage-partner that *that* is BEAGLE-style.

Puffperney November 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Definitely Beagle style, check out Sullivan's column at Vanity Fair.

PhilippePetain November 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

“This shows that no one is above sucking dick for meth, particularly a current or a former peace officer,” Robinson said.

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm

it's job training for the new economy.

PhilippePetain November 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Beats desk work.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Would that be before or after the meth made his teeth fall out?

IncenseDebate November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I like how he tries to "anonymously" screw the dog while wearing one of the comic book crook masks!

EatsBabyDingos November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

"In God We Trust; All Others Pay Meth" or "Venie, Vedi, Butttsects"

LettucePrey November 30, 2011 at 1:04 pm

"E Pluribus Anum"

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

reductio ad santorum.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm

They only need three things to be happy; a tight beagle, loose shoes, and a warm place to do meth.

Schmannnity November 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Earl Butz libel!

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

With a name like "Butz," you'd think the motherfucker woulda had the good sense to lie low and not attract attention to hisself.

ShitFilledExistence November 30, 2011 at 1:04 pm

He's got budding clown hair. How cute.

chicken_thief November 30, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Update: Marion Barry has agreed to defend the sheriff, pro bono.

DahBoner November 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

You said "pro boner", huh huh huh…

Master Janitor V572 November 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Arapahoe County is one giant sprawl from the east side of Denver almost down to Colorado Springs, an empty, soulless expanse of starter homes and pickup trucks. Nice views of the Rockies, though.

And Rick Perry is not gay. All the cute young men at A&M (and many other state U's with mandatory ROTC) had to wear those uniforms, although the boots are a bit kinky, it must be admitted.

Well okay, Rick Perry doesn't know he's gay. Yet. Like Larry Craig, only stupider. Compassion for cheap immigrant labor, sure, but guys on death row are out of luck.

Chillwaver November 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Oh, man…so much schauden in this freude…

Snarkfest November 30, 2011 at 1:09 pm

From that pic I first thought this was a story about Her..

No no no no don't go there! Aaaahhh!

ThundercatHo November 30, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Which evangelical megachurch did you say he was a deacon/asst. pastor/in charge of Sunday school?

ttommyunger November 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm

This has to send a shiver down Sheriff Joe R. Piehole's flabby spine; you just know he a J. Edgar Hoover style closet queen.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

"meth and gay hookers" needs to be amended to say "meth and gay MEXICAN hookers" as the downfall of Sheriff Joe R. Piehole.

ttommyunger November 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Are you saying he's “in the mood for a little Mexican” from time to time?

MaxNeanderthal November 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

He likes some jalapeno on his scotch bonnet, apparently….

ttommyunger November 30, 2011 at 8:16 pm

…or up the arse.

Papa_Uniform November 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Another HolierthanChristhimself Republithug caught in a meth for buttsects scandal? I'm too bored to yawn.

GOPCrusher November 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I know. I hear the words "meth and gay sex", the first thing I say is "Meh, Republiklan.".

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm

This is clearly an opportunity for Keith O to do that montage of stories about Republiqueens being caught in gay scandals. If, given how many there are already, I'm not sure they can be called scandals anymore.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm

It's going to get much more interesting, once they find out where a retired cop gets his meth. (On the bright side, where he's going, the gay sex is free.)

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I wouldn't call it "gay sex," since buttsechs appears to have MANY more straight participants than gay. And in prison, every guy is either screwing some ass or getting his ass screwed. The minute they get out, though, most of them are straighter than y'all outside, and never want to see anything but pussy for the rest of their lives.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Anyone interested in joining my new band, Tedious Pedant and the Tight Beagles?

Chillwaver November 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

No, thanks – it sounds like an Eagles tribute band.

prommie November 30, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I see what you mean, how can you not think of Don Henley when you see the words "tedious pedant."

Callyson November 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Former Arapahoe County District Attorney Jim Peters, who worked with Sullivan, said the allegations against the former sheriff are "totally out of character" for the man he knew and are "hard to believe."
"He was completely ethical, upright and honest," Peters said. "He just oozed honesty and integrity. He was an outstanding sheriff."
No, actually, that ooze was the santorum…

poncho_pilot November 30, 2011 at 1:31 pm

ooze is not a word most normal people would use to describe someone in a positive way. i'm confused why Peters (ha. peters!) would choose that word.

SayItWithWookies November 30, 2011 at 1:20 pm

This is really going to upset a bunch of people in Sheriff Robinson's church — he was their connection.

DustBowlBlues November 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

To the meth? The sex? Oh, of course {gives forehead a dope slap}. All of them, Katie.

donner_froh November 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

When your name is on the door,
Don't get caught with a whore.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Can I tweet that? I'll attribute, and everything.

donner_froh November 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Hey, this is the internet–anything you find is yours.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I had to turn your name into one word, sob! But it's linked to the story, so maybe the eager will find you anyway. Either that or a lot of links to Der Ring des Nibelungen.

subsum November 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

Fucking surreal yet thoroughly amusing. It made my day.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Here's what annoys ME no end, though: When Sandusky was first arrested on charges of having sexually abused MULTIPLE minor children — disadvantaged children, at that — the judge released him on UNSECURED bail. That means he didn't pay a penny and was allowed to walk out of court a free man. IF he fails to appear for his court hearings, he or his family will THEN have to pay bail.

Now here's Sullivan, a first-time drug offender with a lifelong record of service in a consensual homosexual relationship, who happened to deal drugs THIS ONE TIME as far as we all know. Yet he goes to jail immediately, no unsecured bail for him. Why is that? Why is it OK to release, basically on his own recognizance, an adult who has a history of raping defenseless little boys (the kids were all around 10-12 when he started on them), but NOT OK to release on OR a former sheriff in a consensual homosexual relationship?

subsum November 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Because Sandusky is associated with a high-profile college football team and Sullivan is not. This is America: nothing is more important than sports.

Congress will wake up from their high-fructose corn syrup-induced coma to hold hearings on the use of steroids in professional baseball but they won't even look at a bill that would create jobs for unemployed Americans.

Now Congress is considering also holding hearings about the abuses at Penn State only and only because it involves the school's football team. If Sandusky was a tenured professor from any Humanities-related discipline he would be in jail and Fox would be ranting about liberal faculty members being perverts and whatnot.

Even liberal commentators like Lawrence O'Donnell and Ed Schultz have spent hours going on and on about Paterno and Sandusky. That only goes to show that nothing is more important than sports in this country.

Since I don't give a flying fuck about sports I couldn't care less about what happens with the Penn State football program. Now, as for this guy, the only reason I find the story amusing is because this dude is famous for being a staunch conservative Republican and I'm always happy when conservatives fall from grace.

paris biltong November 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Hey, man, I remember being 68. I wouldn't have gone there then. Dope, hookers, when I was younger, maybe, but not then.

chicken_thief November 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm

When I'm 68 – which isn't all THAT far off, I hope to be going for the dope and hookers.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 9:06 pm

For your 68th birthday present, I will a-wrapaho.

chicken_thief November 30, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Nicely done! I'll being waiting, spiff in hand.

donner_froh November 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Sullivan trolls the jail records, which he controls, for twinks who like to tweak, gets them released and gives them meth that was confiscated in drug raids.

A great deal for a low-life scumsucker who should spend the rest of his life in unrelenting agony.

CommieLibunatic November 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm

If this day ever comes for Nickle Bag Joe, I will shed a single black tear of liquid joy.

Mahousu November 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm

he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region.

I had to look up "bonding" in the (urban) dictionary. Pullquote: "Bonding leaves the user with a cooling sensation, a feeling of complete satisfaction as if the user has accomplished something of great magnitude, AND prevents chafing." He may need that in jail.

El Pinche November 30, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Ahem……HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Antispandex November 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Thank god SOMEONE has returned to real Teapublican values. With the whole Herman Cain thing in the news, I was thinking the Party had lost it's compass.

OurHoboSenator November 30, 2011 at 1:42 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

HobbesEvilTwin November 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Thank you Jeebus for giving this to us just in time to close out Blovember!

I think Dickcember has Rick Perry written all over it.

Buckminster November 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Are you sure Rick Perry hasn't been writing in crayon all over Dickcember? He's been known to do that.

SaintRond November 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Republicans apparently have this thing for snorting meth off boners.

Eat your heart out, Santorum. If you had an ounce of guts you'd be doing the same thing.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Dick–it's a helluva drug.

widestanceshakedown November 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

"might as well face it, it's the dick that you love. . ."

DahBoner November 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Arrapahoe?

No, that was a playful spank on her ass…

Mojopo November 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

At the message board for the first link, the high and mighty-ers are talking about the meth problem with gays, completely ignoring the fact that addiction doesn't discriminate and leading a closeted life often turns people into train wrecks.

I'm a little sad for the sheriff, but not a lot because he could have had a much better life. He didn't choose to like peen, he chose to hide it and to be a hypocrite. How'd that work out for you, bro?

franco_pinyon November 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

In the midst of all the hilarity and tomfoolery, a sensible comment. Wow!

Mojopo November 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I'm sorry. I'll get 'em next time, franco.

Terry November 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

"Robinson said Sullivan had an ongoing relationship with the man as well as other men he had a history of bonding out of jails in the metro region."

So, this was really an open secret amongst Arizona law enforcement for years.

HarryButtle November 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm

COLORADO law enforcement. We Arizonans have enough baggage to carry without y'all dumpin' other states' shit on us, thank you very much.

Terry November 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Sorry about that. You are absolutely right.

x111e7thst November 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm

If you are a mega-church pastor and you get caught with a rentboy and some meth you can just pray that nasty ghey away. What does a sheriff do, hire someone to beat it out of him with a rubber hose?

hagajim November 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

And the sherriff said "C'mere boy and I'll give you my love gun"

neiltheblaze November 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Ironically, now he might get all the man-on-man sex he can handle.

chicken_thief November 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm

And a steady supply of suitcased drugs!

Chichikovovich November 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

"Sullivan is being held on $250,000 bail in the jail that bears his name, the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility."

Soon to be renamed the "That Old Geezer in Cell 12-3A Detention Facility"

littlebigdaddy November 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Outspoken right-wing Repub politician and law-enforcement type, Front Range suburbs….I would almost be surprised if he WEREN'T snorting meth off some guy's dick. Hey, at least it wasn't little boys!

PuckStopsHere November 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I think I saw this episode of Reno 911. Besides, isn't he just going to get in jail that which he was seeking in exchange for Meth? I.E., a good ass-fucking?

Eve8Apples November 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

" the 68-year-old former national Sheriff of the Year delivered methamphetamine to an Aurora home and sought sex in return"

Well, no wonder they named him "National Sheriff of the Year." It's thoughtful of him to deliver drugs and sex to a constituent's home. Very customer service oriented. My local sheriff just delivers arrest warrants, search warrants, summons and subpoenas. I've tried to get the bastard to bring me a pizza, but he just told me to go fuck myself. He'll never get my vote for "National Sheriff of the Year."

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 9:12 pm

"I've tried to get the bastard to bring me a pizza, but he just told me to go fuck myself."

So, your sheriff is Dick Cheney?

bureaucrap November 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Denver Post: "He just oozed honesty and integrity."

Never heard that as a euphemism for spooge before.

BornInATrailer November 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Um.. held in a jail named after him.

If you wrote that into a screenplay, people would tell you to remove it so you don't destroy your audiences suspension of disbelief. That is just great.

mavenmaven November 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Well, Arpaio did endorse Rick Perry, which is pretty much the same thing.

meatlofer November 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

They did NOT have sex. They just jerked each other off,while wearing condoms.

MozakiBlocks November 30, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Have some reporter ask Rick Perry about his former aide and "body man" and see what happens…

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 9:13 pm

The reporter will get pepper sprayed?

Diabeetis November 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Aside from the closet-gay Republican thing, it's also worth noting how these "law and order" types often turn out to be corrupt lawbreakers themselves.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 3:31 pm

It would be much easier to count the republicans who are straight and not hooked on meth.

Troglodeity November 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

The local conservative talk show host Mike Rosen is now saying that Sullivan was actually a closet … DEMOCRAT! Rosen points to Sullivan supporting additional funding for jails, etc. and restrictions on assault weapons.

Which just goes to show that if you support raising taxes on the wealthy and any restrictions whatsoever on weapons, your next step will be to sell meth for gay sex.

franco_pinyon November 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

It is hard to think of anything funnier than the story itself.

Barrelhse November 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Let's see who bails out Sully, someone will post bondage.

Rotundo_ November 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Republicans just don't do the discretion thing do they? Every criminal and most non-criminal in the county had to know the guy. Still, he walks in and sets up a deal and is no doubt stunned when he gets busted. I would love to hear the "Don't you know who I am!" conversation recorded when they busted his sorry ass.

YouBetcha November 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

This is so gay.

Buckminster November 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

"Hello Siri, I've been raped by a raccoon. "
"Really!"

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 9:15 pm

"Hello Siri"

Tom Cruise's kid?
"Raped by a raccoon" is probably not the weirdest thing she's ever heard.

Buckminster November 30, 2011 at 11:54 pm

There be a lot of ways of WINNING

teebob2000 November 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

>>"“Republican sheriff loves meth and gay hookers”

Make that: “Republican sheriff loves meth and gay illegal alien cock”

Thedongsofwar November 30, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Ouch…

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Gives new meaning to "I shot the sheriff".

Tommmcattt November 30, 2011 at 9:50 pm

At a certain point Wonkette will have to start reporting when a Republican is found in a tryst with a woman whilst sober…because the boy/meth/dildosuit thing is getting to be a daily occurrence.

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Come on, you guys. He was obviously working undercover. And, he only took one for the team so he could find the drugs up the guy's ass.

FlipOffResearch December 1, 2011 at 1:40 am

Imagine being stuck in a jail, named after the active sheriff, who also has a taste for man ass. It was the longest 6 months …

This whole closeted gay Republican thing, at some point has got to stop being funny and start being sad. For right now, the Republicans are making it a cliche'.

cpiacono December 1, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Wow! What are the odds of Patrick J. Sullivan being held IN the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility?!?!! I mean, that's right up there with Lou Gehrig DYING of Lou Gehrig's disease!!!

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Dogs are loyal to the very end of their loving little lives. I don't have dogs anymore. Too gimpy to give them the exercise they need. But if humans could be genetically modified to be as loyal and loving as dogs, we would greatly improve the species.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Oh, I suspect the Sheriff prefers to play "bitch."

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