GODFATHER OF LOVE  12:23 pm November 29, 2011

Herman Cain About To Quit Because of Practicing His Love Too Much

by Wonkette Jr.

'I'll catch you ladies in a few days.'Briefly popular ignoramus Herman Cain was already sinking in the GOP primary polls like every other random dingbat the party has puked up for consideration during this long, long 2012 campaign season. But the latest scandal, that he carried on a 13-year-long affair with a lady who was not his wife, seems to be enough to finish him off. In the “next several days,” Cain will decide whether he wants to go back to being a simple millionaire riding around in limos with all his ladies, promoting his books.

CBS News reports:

The Herman Cain campaign is “reassessing” its strategy in the wake of a woman’s claim that she and Cain had engaged in a 13-year extramarital relationship, a senior staffer to the campaign told CBS News. The staffer made the statement following reports that Cain told supporters Tuesday morning that he is reassessing whether to remain in the Republican presidential race.

On a conference call, Cain told his senior staff that he would make a decision on staying in the race “over the next several days.”

Now let’s all hold our breath for the Republican primary voters to also force Newt Gingrich out of the race, for his two decades of philandering and multiple divorces and gross affairs with literally every woman he could convince to hump on his toadlike physique (two women, total). Certainly the GOP wouldn’t hold a black candidate to a different standard, right? [CBS News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 205 comments }

nounverb911 November 29, 2011 at 12:24 pm

When does Gloria Cain hire Gloria Allred?

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 12:31 pm

I hope she already has.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Glorias in excess, today-oh!

smitallica November 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Adeste infidelis?

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Oh, well played.! Well played, sir!

:::Polite golf clap:::

OneYieldRegular November 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I think you've got to slow down
Before you start to blow it
I think you're headin' for a breakdown
So be careful not to show it
You really don't remember
Was it somethin' that he said?
All that stuff twistin' around in your head
Calling Gloria…

MittsHairHelmet November 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Can a man drop out of the race if he was never actually running for president?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

He was more like a pace car anyhow.

Barb November 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Spermin' Cain is really trying to sell us on his 69-9-9 plan, isn't he? He's certainly "reaching out to Americans" as long as the Americans are chesty white women.

JustPixelz November 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Chesty white women are people too, my friend.

Barb November 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

You are correct, Parton me, please.

snackypants November 29, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Thanks for making food come out of my nose with this one, Barb!

MozakiBlocks November 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

As a chesty white woman myself, let me just say that I wouldn't let Herman Cain within spitting distance.

jus_wonderin November 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm

There is a joke in there, just waiting to erupt. I can't seem to form a solid funny from it though.

Swampgas_Man November 29, 2011 at 10:23 pm

As a chesty white man (that damn gravity!) may I say that I would happily spit on Spermin' Herman for you.

BarackMyWorld November 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

"Spermin' Cain" FTW.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Lex Steel and Lisa Ann will be filming shortly.

actor212 November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Dammit! I had Christmas in the office pool! Someone convince him to stay. Give him a blow job or something!

edgydrifter November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Maybe the Cain Train should have skipped a few stations.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

All politics is local…

prommie November 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Well, the Cain elevator certainly doesn't make it to the upper floors. Is that the same thing?

justkillmenow November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

As a female can I just say….ew.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Oh, just admit it, when you first heard him singing his pizza-fied version of John Lennon's "Imagine," you got soooo wet.

justkillmenow November 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

From the vomit.

DahBoner November 29, 2011 at 3:44 pm

So, do you go after homeless guys with no money, or do you prefer guys with "some" money?

The rest of this conversation is just about how much "some" is…

Baconzgood November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Dick goes in alot of women, political careers dives. You can't explain it.

datateday November 29, 2011 at 12:39 pm

This is an issue of hypocrisy, not mere sexual encounters. Cain's motto always was: "Stuff the crust with cheese, not semen!"

Mumbletypeg November 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

You can't explain it.

Nope. You just shrug, shake your head and mutter, "I does not know…"

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 10:24 am

I can't even explain the part where a lot of women let his dick go in them.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Never a premature ejaculation.

KathrynSane November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Oh, so you can run for president if you sexually harass/assault a bunch of women, but not if you've had consensual sex with someone who isn't your wife? Good to know what your priorities are, America.

OneDollarJuana November 29, 2011 at 12:45 pm

IOKIYAR

GhostBuggy November 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

It's probably more that it was one pepperoni over the line for the insipid GOP voters. The same thing would probably be going on if the new revelation was that he assaulted her like the others, instead of it being an affair.

Also, he's a black guy, so, you know.

PalinzADummy November 30, 2011 at 3:33 am

Or if you've emailed pix of your dix. (Democrats only, offer void where prohibited.)

BklynIlluminati November 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm

You see, gentlemen, a pimp's love is very different than a square's It is 9 9 9 times better

ChurchofRealism November 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm

They have now changed Herman Cain's theme song from Rock You Like a Hurricane to Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe by Barry White.

HistoriCat November 29, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Great going Hermie. Maybe you should have packed it in before this latest information broke … maybe you could have spared your family a little bit.

Douche.

hagajim November 29, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Apparently ol' Hermie likes his pizza with extra squeeze. Actually – what happened to "We're gonna address these charges one at a time as they come up" – Bitch prolly has a few pix of Hermie offering up his sausage.

WunkRocker November 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

No blue dress. No crime.

Eve8Apples November 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

If they had a 13 year affair, there is certainly some undeniable evidence — pictures, videos, emails, text messages, letters, cards, voice mails, gifts, receipts, Cain's DNA in her panties. The Cain Train got derailed.

L188188 November 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

You know it hard out here for a pimp
When he tryin to get this money for the rent
For the cadillac and gas money spent
Will cause whole lot of bitches jumping ship

Or "train" in Herman's case, and they're jumping on, not off.

WhatTheHeck November 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

He's dropping out of the race because he let the baton slip a few times.

Pookums November 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I have to admit, in an era where staying married for 13 years would be seen as a proud accomplishment, having a 13 year affair is pretty amazing.

Ruhe November 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

It's a veritable Hepburn/Tracy movie.

Ducksworthy November 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Well. He was trying to help her out financially. Until he stopped.

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

That poor thing must have very, very low self esteem.

DahBoner November 29, 2011 at 3:41 pm

According to recent research, women are interested in tall, wealthy men.

And Herb don't look very tall to me…

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 10:27 am

Unfortunately, Hermie has very, very high self esteem.

SorosBot November 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

How long do people think we'll have between Cain dropping out of the race and the announcement he has signed up for a spot at Fox "News", the job he's actually been running for anyway?

SenileAgitation November 29, 2011 at 12:39 pm

He'll be an "analyst" by Spring. If he knows what's good for him (besides constant in and out), he'll announce on Fox to ingratiate with Roger Ailes and avoid Lou Sarah's Fox Pas.

YasserArraFeck November 29, 2011 at 3:15 pm

he never managed to be an anal-ist with any of his ladies, but Herman's hoping that one day he'll get to deliver a 12" hot'n'spicy to the back door…

Swampgas_Man November 29, 2011 at 10:30 pm

4½ inches tops, I suspect.

Ruhe November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

No doubt it's headed that way. But as good a job as that is it's still got to be hard to give up the "run-a-political-campaign-so-you-can-raise-money-and-use-it-to-buy-copies-of-your-own-crappy-book" scam. I mean that is like printing cash, right?

SorosBot November 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm

As Cain showed, the big risk is that somehow, despite not trying, you might accidentally find yourself the front runner, at which point people will start digging into your past.

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 1:05 pm

The question is, why didn't he expect that from the beginning? arrogance? stupidity? I just don't get it.

GunToting[Redacted] November 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

C'MON, nobody had the slightest inkling that Hermie would be anything other than comic relief.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 10:31 am

"why didn't he expect that from the beginning?"

My guess would be both arrogance and stupidity. Just look at the picture of Hermie at the top of the article (if you can stand it) and tell me he's not thinking: "I see no way that this could possibly backfire" (or a greatly simplified version of that thought, anyway).

FlownOver November 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

That's one possibility. If the details about the latest – er, hobby – are too lurid, Fox will flip and start to identify him as Herman Cain, D-Pizza.

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

So what change in "strategy" is he thinking about? The strategy where all the women he's harassed and/or banged stop talking from now on?

Hermes! Your 15 minutes is up! Face it, dude.

LabRodent November 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

So he didn't harass this one, he just fucked her for 13 years. Herman needs to turn in his Player Card now.

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Of course, just because they carried on a 13 year affair doesn't mean he didn't harass her first. Maybe she thought it was charming.

Geminisunmars November 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

"He was so tender as he gently pushed my head into his crotch."

Callyson November 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

NO!!! Who will provide me with endless amusement now?!?
Oh wait, there's still Shelly, Gingrinch, the gay cowboy, the frothy mix, Mittens, and that other guy. OK then…

TheGyrus November 29, 2011 at 12:34 pm

You know who's to blame for this? The Liberals.

JustPixelz November 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

I thought it was The Media.
Or loving your country too much. (I love my country, but I've never gotten any sexytime for it.)

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Liberals…..media…..no diff.

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

And the media.

Chichikovovich November 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Yeah. Come on guys. We can lay off the high-tech lynching now. It looks like with our constant character assassination, we've managed to prevent the outcome we so desperately feared: Herman Cain – a better black than we have – as the Republican nominee. And furthermore….pfft…hhgh…And furthermore….

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……

Sorry, I can't say this with a straight face. I'll be expecting a notice of infraction from the Snarkestry Guild by noon tomorrow.

HAHAHA…

(Pssst: Herman – really, don't quit! That would be letting them win.

WunkRocker November 29, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I really wanted him to stay in it as long as possible.
1) Damn brother is funny.
2) Makes the other black guy look EVEN smarter.
3) Siphons off mojo from all the other GOPturds running.
4) When he lost it would make all the populist loving dipshits go back in their holes and likely not pay attention to politics again.
5) Heads exploding all over SC, AL, MS, NC, GA, etc… at having to vote for one black man or another. I mean if he doesn't have a football in his hand, what the hell use do crackers have with Herm? If he was Michael Vick, those assholes would vote for him just to piss off people who care about animals. (I don't watch sports, so if Vick's return is a non-event obviously only moreso for me).

Swampgas_Man November 29, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Chalk up another score for the Democrat machine!

KeepFnThatChicken November 29, 2011 at 12:34 pm

He's a quitter just like that the Alaska Double Stuf Ice Princess.

Man up, fuck an intern or something, and stay in that race, you echoer of nines!

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Prepare for the upcoming tweet-HERB CAIN, DON'T RETREAT, RELOAD!

KeepFnThatChicken November 29, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Re-publican.

Re-gurgitate.

Re-elect.

Mumbletypeg November 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Apparently no one informed Herman that when prospecting the, uh, "lay" of the land, should one's record of folly come bubbling to the surface, that incontrovertible truth abides: There will be blood mud.

sezme November 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Hermie, we hardly blew ye!

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Once Herman Fucky-Fucky-Cain-Stain has summoned enough humility to throw in the towel, The Salamander will follow his example, set his gigantic ego aside as well, and similarly withdraw from the race. Right?

YasserArraFeck November 29, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Let's just say, after the "Fucky-Fucky-Cain-Stain", I won't be picking up that towel……

BaldarTFlagass November 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Hoist by his own penis petard!

Bdupa November 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm

9- spoken length of his pecker
9- seconds to explode (+1 over rodeo standard)
9- on a scale of 1-10 how much he likes white women

Tundra Grifter November 29, 2011 at 12:37 pm

So after the previous bimbo eruptions, the staff must have sat down with Mr. Cain and asked The Question: " Herman – is there anything else out there we should know about? ANYTHING?"

Of course, like an employee caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Mr. Cain said "Oh, no – that's it. Promise."

Now those same staffers learn he had his fingers crossed.

They can't erase "Cain Campaign: 2011" from their resumes. But they can abandon this car wreck before another motorist plows into the ruin and there is blood on the highway.

Ducksworthy November 29, 2011 at 12:47 pm

The Koch brothers are the only (other) staff Hermie needs.

LabRodent November 29, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Dear Herman – you bang them once maybe twice but 13 years, thats like having another fucking wife.

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:17 pm

What a tool.

Schmannnity November 29, 2011 at 12:37 pm

He's tossing his pimp hat out of the ring.

KeepFnThatChicken November 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Speaking of tossing, he'll also be masturbating the rest of his life.

SmutBoffin November 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm

And we were singin':
Bye, bye Mr. Pepperoni pie.
Took the Cain Train to the Great Plains
but got taxed with a "9".
And the poor old girls
who were blond and all fine
Were singin'
"I don't want that job, you dumb guy…"

Lucidamente1 November 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm

How long will it be before Rick Perry "reassesses" his campaign, and why? ("Today, a waiter at an upscale Austin, Texas, bistro accused Gov. Perry of . . .")

NYNYNYjr November 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Pissing into the salad bar.

Ruhe November 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Don't back down, Herm! Film another web commercial, this time with you smoking the cigarette. Just look into the camera and say, "yeah, so?" Then blow smoke into the lens. I always figured Bill Clinton's off camera attitude during his "troubles" was a rakish "who isn't gettin' some strange?" to all those decrepit fucks in the congress.
Just own it Herm, then run on it.

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Would make for an awkward moment in the Republiklan Debates when Herb says "Yeah, but at least I was banging women!"

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 10:07 am

And of age, to boot.

DerrickWildcat November 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

He would totally take a lie detector test…if he felt like it.

Mort_Sinclair November 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Were it not for the inconvenient fact that Barry White is dead, he would have been perfect to play the Singing Herminator in the upcoming Oxygen network biopic, "You're the First, the Last, My Everything: The Life of Herman Cain."

Biff November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Likewise, Chef.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Samuel L. Jackson is alive and well, last I heard.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

You know how they are, they are over-sexed, they just can't control themselves around the white women.

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

But they have rhythm!

prommie November 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Afraid of dogs, and can't swim, heavy bones.

swordfis November 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

you mean to say that Newt Gingrich is ….?

Gleem_McShineys November 29, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Do you blame them? I mean, come on, chiffarobes.

fartknocker November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Herm, I hope your book sales drop as fast as your wife is about to drop you.

On your way down into the pile of obscure, useless shitbags, would you please grab Rick Perry and take him with you? The two of you are nothing more than pandering douchebags.

Adios you babbling goat fuckers. Pick up a job application for Political Strategist at Faux while the door hits you in the ass on the way out.

Biff November 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

And maybe the salamander can get a job right after he takes a bath.

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Though, to be fair, the entire Republican field is chock full of pandering douchebags. On this point, they are "one".

DemonicRage November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Yeah. Like the Republicans were going to nominate him. Who gives a F**k?! What a waste of time listening to anything he said or did!

chascates November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

The Right will counter that the Kennedys never got this attention because of their relationship with the media. And that a black conservative is targeted by all the liberalz.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Yeah, but you know that Cain was thinking to himself all along "I ain't got nothing in my past worse than Bill Clinton, and he got elected."

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm

ie. John Edwards.

datateday November 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Well, joke of the election season Herman Cain is out. Now, we'll have to fall back on the tried and true Plan B: good ol' Ron Paul, who was a itchin' to get us back to our pre-Civil War era roots and Wonkette was pretty lenient for a little too long on this frightening reconstitute prospect.

Tundra Grifter November 29, 2011 at 8:45 pm

What is it with the Paultards hating on Abraham Lincoln? I'm reading some of the book reviews and comments over at Amazon and they just can't stand Old Abe.

datateday November 29, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Well, I can't stand Abraham Lincoln, either, and I'm no Paultard. He really did start up the Civil War when the right thing to do was out-perform the Southern economy and once the South updates their economy with modern industrialization, renegotiate unionization talks and return the nation back to one body. This may have taken longer than a traditional presidential term, but it would have been A LOT less damaging and tyrannical.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 29, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Poor Hermie.

Bitchez keep settin' him up.
~

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I wouldn't think so many would be so proud/willing to admit they did the nasty with such a stupid, venal man. You'd think some would have the class to get an AIDS test, wash the coochie and move on with the life.

CountryClubJihadi November 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Newt just Caim.

JustPixelz November 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

If America wanted a Breeder not a Reader, the affair would be good news for him.

I guess Gloria Cain can't call Herman "her man" any more.

If Repubicans now think private sexual matters are off limits during the campaign, we'll be limited to talking about Newt's lobbying, flip-flops, weight, suspicious financial dealings, religious conversion, peculiar policy ideas, and sweetheart deals. Also, his weight.

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

And he's fat, too.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm

He sure is dying the death of a thousand sluts.

bagofmice November 30, 2011 at 10:09 am

What a way to go.

johnnyzhivago November 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm

What a shame. Was really looking forward to a Cain-Berlusconi-Sarkozy summit meeting in Amsterdam.

Toomush_Infer November 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

So, Cain was abel, now he ain't….

Geminisunmars November 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Now he's Enoch.

Toomush_Infer November 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

But enoch about cain…

smitallica November 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I am also "reassessing" my runs for Miss Mexico, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Primate of the Greek Orthodox Church. Mostly because I don't, and never have, had a fucking chance of winning those things.

Biff November 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Wait–the Greeks hire primates?

Master Janitor V572 November 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Reassessing has a rich history, going back to cynical opportunist Bobby Kennedy "reassessing" his decision not to run for prez in 1968 after anti-war Demo candidate McCarthy almost won the New Hampshire primary over LBJ.

Hard to believe it now but everybody was pretty mad at him about that.

Generation[redacted] November 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Please buy my new autobiography: "My Road to the Vatican"

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Nail. On. The. Head.

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I was going for "Queen of the Fucking Universe" but the spiky headress gave me a headache. Besides, as long as the dogs and my husband think I am then we are content.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 8:00 pm

If you're not a primate, I have to wonder why, and just how, you're reading Wonkette.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Its racism is what it is; whats the matter, can't a n***** get a table dance?

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Can't even get a-near.

Master Janitor V572 November 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

He probably put her out in Denver because she wouldn't suck his dick.

Funny how Cain's lawyer was issuing carefully crafted statements full of righteous anger about snooping into the affairs of consenting adults, almost at the same moment when Hermie was on Wolfie issuing flat-out denials.

Herm's really screwed this up, as his Koch-assigned mission (to terminate Romney) wasn't complete. Santorum and Bachmann aren't really up to the task.

weejee November 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Time for a squadron of blimps?

Smitros November 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm

That was Marion Barry and you know it.

Master Janitor V572 November 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Glory days of teh Wonket comments…

…the line appears to be (presumably, unintentionally) in iambic quadrameter, which puts Marion’s ladyfriend in league with Emily Dickinson (no pun intended, of course):

Two butterflies went out at noon
Some gentle flowers to lick
You put me out — in Denver — ’cause
I wouldn’t suck your dick.

http://wonkette.com/409728/marion-barrys-life-con

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm

So, it's safe to assume that Herb Cain's lawyer is not Ken Starr?

Master Janitor V572 November 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Ha ha! Not nearly that creepy!

Indiepalin November 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Well I don't know why I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm

"I love the sexy slither of a lady snake."

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I can't wait for Newt to publicly feign horror at Herman's fidelity problem.

Chichikovovich November 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

But won't Newtie be embarrassed when he's walking out of the press conference and a croupier hands him a woman: "Your bimbo, sir."

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

What does it say about today's America that a politician cannot run for office just because he has too much love to give.

Generation[redacted] November 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

This is all Obama's fault.

NorthStarSpanx November 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I don't believe any of this. . .Cain had a conference call with his staff?

Beowoof November 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Seems as if the Cain train spent too much time in the tunnel.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Announcement: I am changing my name to "Marx Marvelous." This is an internal name-change only, I will know that is my name, and I will be thinking of this name, when I think of my name, but I will not outwardly use this name in business, correspondence, or discourse. Carry on.

Toomush_Infer November 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

So, nose candy is ok anytime of the day?…

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 8:04 pm

"Announcement: I am changing my name to "Marx Marvelous." "

Was "Max Power" already taken?

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

That picture needs moar Starsky and Hutch.

Mort_Sinclair November 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

In a group hug with Huggy Bear.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Starting to look like he's got 99 problems, and bitches be ALL of them.

Antispandex November 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

So, I will NOT get to see Hermie debate the President? Well, that just killed the whole election for me…unless. What about the crazy Ms. Bachmann? Come on G.O.P'ers, you can still save the entertainment value here!

Toomush_Infer November 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Orly Taintz for Emperor!!!!…

ManchuCandidate November 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Cock blocked from the nom by his own cock.

tessiee November 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Please refrain from ever again using "nom" in a sentence about Hermie's cock. Thank you.

LiveToServeYa November 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

This is doing his speaking fees no good, so I guess he'll stop pretending to run.

Eve8Apples November 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Why buy the pizza when you can get the sausage for free.

bebecca2298 November 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Hey Herman, your family called. They want to spend more time with you!

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Somehow I think they need help moving…

Mojopo November 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Are women nothing but interchangeable toppings to this selfish whore monger?

Smitros November 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

It's no longer about you, Mr. Cain. Think of the comedy writers whose lives might get a lot harder without you.

SpiderCrab November 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Can't figure out why this isn't good news for Santorum. He's hetero–so's his wife; he's got a family of sniveling, entitled children; he's got the powerful fetal lobby in his corner, and yet he just can't seem to generate much interest out there in the hinterland. Must be because of Dan Savage. Thanks, Dan.

Dr_Zoidberg November 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm

My biggest concern is that, like Caribou Barbie, the Godfather of Pizza will hang around after he withdraws, becoming a paid 'expert' on Faux News.

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:15 pm

We can look forward to him being interviewed in front of a turkey beheading machine, next Thanksgiving?

YasserArraFeck November 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Keep fuckin' that turkey, Herm

Ducksworthy November 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I'm still hoping for pix of Herman doing the cock in a box with a Godfather's Pizza.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Does anyone really want to see Herman Cain drop out before he and Gingrich can through a Players Haters ball?

Puffperney November 29, 2011 at 1:37 pm

That (wannabe) pimp hat don't lie.

DaSandman November 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Where alla whit wimmins at? Hermie got them all, that's where they at!

anniegetyerfun November 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Is this Obama's Katrina?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Mr. Cain is a walking talking STD.

DaSandman November 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Yet on second thought lets give him some credit. He was hosing actual human being type people, not the usual rotting goat carcasses the rest of the GOP prefers.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 29, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Who knew that when Herman was talking about the "Cain Train" he wasn't speaking metaphorically.

slowhansolo November 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm

That human cum bubble absolutely should drop out of the race, preferably before Herman.

owhatever November 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Herman also announced today that he does not know his wife, never saw her before, and doesn't understand why the liberal media is making such a big deal of her whopping him up side the head with a frying pan.

e_z November 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm

You have to give credit to those shape shifting aliens from the starz. They travelled back in time to plant Obama's birth certificate AND they did the 13 year way back to set up Caine.

Simply amazing, got to hand it to them, they are gooooooooooood!

outragedcitizen November 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Vetting? We don't need no stinking vetting!

mourningnmerica November 29, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Herman, we barely knew ye.

mourningnmerica November 29, 2011 at 3:08 pm

No We Cain.

mourningnmerica November 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Next.

Bill_Mars November 29, 2011 at 3:18 pm

After this book tour is over, he can play Chef on South Park again.

ttommyunger November 29, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I've seen pictures of Hermie's wife. Fuck Hermie, somehow all this just makes me feel sorry for her. I know deep inside she knows he is a worthless asshole, but she looks like she still possesses a sense of shame, unlike her dickwad husband.

Troglodeity November 29, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I agree – I feel really sad that she was drawn through all this by her vain cheating scumbag of a husband.

Mojopo November 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm

As a woman, I don't have a shred of sympathy for her. If she has two brain cells in her head she has known about him all along and a) Doesn't give a crap, or b) Is glad to have nice things and doesn't have to fuck Herman Cain to get them.

ttommyunger November 29, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I also hold this view in part, but for a man to give it voice would incur the wrath of certain vagina-possessing types of people.

hunnybee November 29, 2011 at 6:09 pm

i agree Mojopo, i thinK A&B apply

102415 November 30, 2011 at 12:44 am

I also think the divorce settlement might have ripened nicely over the last few months of money bombing. I hope old Ginger gets a few bucks out of this too. Thirteen years is a long time to put up with his wife and all the random women he met who needed a job or stood within arms reach. I don't care who he screwed or whether he lied I just don't want any 999 shit on this country.

Troglodeity November 29, 2011 at 3:25 pm

How is David Block ever going to decide among all those job offers from the remaining candidates?

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 3:34 pm

So… he can't keep it up anymore?

DahBoner November 29, 2011 at 3:38 pm

HE'S GOING TO PULL OUT…NOW???

102415 November 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

No, he's not finnished …yet.

KennyCB November 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

"Ginger" and "winger" do not rhyme. Isn't there something rather suspicious about that?

Chet Kincaid November 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I'd hit it. If I wasn't married. And if I didn't know she'd willingly choose to ride Herman Cain for over a decade.

comrad_darkness November 29, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Seems racist as hell that Cain has to worry about screwing women who weren't his wife and Gingrich doesn't

Mojopo November 29, 2011 at 5:08 pm

"Fuck Herman Cain!"
"No, you!"
"I all ready did, it's your turn!"
"You better fuck Herman Cain right this instant or else! I told you I am done!"
"Somebody is going to fuck this guy, and it ain't gonna be me."

– A selection of women who no longer get free toppings

blogmomme November 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm

He always said "acqusation" too. That bothered me almost as much as the accusations.

lochnessmonster November 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Difference between Cain and Gingrich, Cain is a dandy…just look at that hat!

WordSaladNation November 29, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Is "reassessing his strategy" like when Bank of America says, of a complaint, that they're "taking it seriously"?

Tundra Grifter November 29, 2011 at 8:51 pm

The people have spoken, Mr. Cain:

"Nein.

"Nein.

"Nein."

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:13 pm

My thought is that he got into the Godfather's Pizza gig because he watched too much bad 70s porn.

Sharkey November 29, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I-thought-I-could! I-thought-I-could! I-thought-I-could!

Isyaignert November 29, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Well, we know he's not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.

102415 November 30, 2011 at 12:52 am

And yet Gingrich fucked and wed his High School math teacher. That's how we know he's smart.

stew1 November 30, 2011 at 2:14 am

The Santorum Surge is now underway. Just Google "Santorum Surge" and you'll see what I mean. He's off to a "frothy start", whatever that means.

shebeers November 30, 2011 at 10:53 pm

If Herman is elected president, will we have a First AND Second Lady?

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Maybe him and Marcus Bachmann get together for long in-depth discussions on how to defeat the Gay Agenda?

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