THANKSGIVING NEEDS MORE GUNS  11:33 am November 29, 2011

Arizona Gun Nuts Pose Children With Assault Rifles and Santa

by Wonkette Jr.

Can't wait 'til Easter!Have you somehow forgotten about Arizona these past few days? Let’s remember it all over again, for the holidays! Nothing says “mythology of the peaceful savior Jesus” like an Arizona gun club hosting a Guns ‘n Santa family foto event. “I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment and those who don’t,” a local gun nut tells the teevee news in Phoenix. We heartily agree!

Here, watch this, we guess:

Family Pictures Taken With Santa, Machine Guns: MyFoxPHOENIX.com

Delightful! Remember, if not for the power of massive guns, Jack Skellington might’ve stolen Christmas and given it to the Devil’s Army. [Fox Phoenix via Wonkette operative "Scott L."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 178 comments }

Barb November 29, 2011 at 11:34 am

Crow T. Robot, "Santa will cut ya, Santa's a blade man!"

GunToting[Redacted] November 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Just like an elf… Bringin' a knife to a gunfight!

Lucidamente1 November 29, 2011 at 11:36 am

"Golly, Santa, can you get me a Jared Loughner action figure for Christmas?"

prommie November 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

Golly gee, I want the Timothy McVeigh model, he could kick Jared Loughner's ass.

Generation[redacted] November 29, 2011 at 11:54 am

I want a Norwegian summer camp play set.

bagofmice November 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

The Kyle Huff Montanan model worked for me.

FlownOver November 29, 2011 at 11:37 am

I'm leaving a big plate of lightly salted poisoned rat dicks and a glass of santorum out on Jebusmas Eve for this particular Santa.

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 11:38 am

That whole video is practically an Onion piece, from the perky news reader gal to the machine-gun-totin' young'uns. Sweet Jesus.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

Ironically satire-proof.

LesBontemps November 29, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Irony and satire, murdered in their sleep by Gun Club Santa. I weep.

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Jesus?

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm

The Onion used to be humorous. Now, it's prophetic.

DerrickWildcat November 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

Santa blows away bad girls and boys.

Biff November 29, 2011 at 11:44 am

#heblowsalot

hagajim November 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Blows away – or blows ala Sandusky?

Callyson November 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I wish I didn't see what you did there…

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 2:02 am

So do Penn State coaches, apparently.

Mort_Sinclair November 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

Makes the ol' Red Rider BB Gun seem quaint in comparison, doesn't it?

BaldarTFlagass November 29, 2011 at 11:53 am

Ow! My eye!!

Generation[redacted] November 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

You'll shoot your eye out? No, your head will explode in a red mist and your mom will have to spend 3 hours with a bucket of bleach cleaning it up.

Mort_Sinclair November 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!

Generation[redacted] November 29, 2011 at 2:48 pm

With a compass in the stock!

Pat_Pending November 30, 2011 at 1:33 am

or to quote Jules in Pulp Fiction, 'you're the motherfucker who should be on brain detail!!!'

Chichikovovich November 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm

But with the Red Ruby Ridge "BB" Gun (wink – lots of different sizes of ball bearings, young patriots!) you can defend your tree house compound against the kids playing FBI next door.

paris biltong November 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

"In fun" means they don't start shooting. "Serious debate" is when they do.

DemmeFatale November 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

Awww…
Little kids with guns…
Makes me feel all warm inside.
(I hope Santa is wearing bullet-proof padding.)

jodyleek November 29, 2011 at 11:51 am

"Makes me feel all warm inside."

That's just the internal bleeding.

Sharkey November 29, 2011 at 10:14 pm

That gives me an idea! Bulletproof beards!

(runs to patent office…)

MrFizzy November 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

I'll bet Gabby Giffords will be first in line to sit on his lap.

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

"You'll blow yer brains out, kid!"

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Beat me to it!

BarackMyWorld November 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

I'm pretty sure this was a "Futurama" episode.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

So this is White N.R.A. Jesus' pal.
~

prommie November 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

See, below, my comment on Vermont birthers. Crazy head-asploded wingnut gun-fondling goatfuckers are crazy head-asploded wingnut gun-fondling goatfuckers who hate that the president is near.

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Tell us how you really feel, prommie.

GuanoFaucet November 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

Not to be outdone, Texas wingnuts will hold a "pose with Santa strapped into an electric chair" event.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

Arizona is planning a "deport Mexican Santa" event where they twang Pare Noel over the border fence with a trebuchet.

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

When Trebuchets Are Illegal, Only Mooslim Infidels Will Have Trecbuchets!"

[Bumper sticker last seen on an oxcart heading toward the Battle of Acre.]

Fukui_sanYesOta November 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Right next to the "Innocent III 1198" bumper sticker – tough on Mohammedans, tough on the causes of Mohammedans

bagofmice November 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

If there's any city that could use an assassin…

neiltheblaze November 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

Glocks make some smokin' stocking stuffers!

ManchuCandidate November 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

On the 12th day of Xmas my gun nut gave to me… 12 Glock 19s!
11 Colt .45s
10 Mac 10s
9 AR-15s
8 laser sights
7 7.62mm 100 round belts
6 M-60 machine guns
5 Automatic fire conversion kits
4 smoke grenades
3 silencers
2 flash bangs
And one Barrett .50 cal sniper rifle with AP ammo!

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 11:55 am

Send that into American Rifleman and it will be their xmas issue centerfold. All their pants will asplode.

x111e7thst November 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

Santa is bringing me a VSS "Vintorez" винтовка снайперская специальная
because I have been especially good about hand polishing my cartridges to reduce the possibility of a jam.

SwanSwanH November 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

Curiously, Jayson Williams was originally drafted by the Phoenix Suns.

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Maybe it's just me, but in that picture I find the fact that the child is wearing a Suns hat disturbing.

SwanSwanH November 29, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I thought that was Steve Kerr.

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

Now we're talking Competitive Shopping!

KeepFnThatChicken November 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

As long as I can return fire and use the end caps for defilade, I'm tight.

nounverb911 November 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

Don't shoot your eye out.

memzilla November 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm
OkieDokieDog November 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

It's okay, they're white people with guns!

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Too true. If black/brown people were holding this event, they'd call out the national guard.

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 11:44 am

What could go wrong?

Schmannnity November 29, 2011 at 11:44 am

Florida thanks you for taking the Wonkette spotlight, however briefly.

Texan_Bulldog November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

As does Texas!

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm

And New Hampshire.

elviouslyqueer November 29, 2011 at 11:44 am

Because nothing says "Merry Christmas" like the sight of Santa gunning down Rudolph's entire family with an AK-47, amirite?

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:57 am

Hmmmm. Venison!

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 11:57 am

Thanks for reminding me it is deer gun season here this week so dogs get no walkies due to poachers in the park. Assholes.

SorosBot November 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

MildMidwesterner November 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

Apparently the "X" in Xmas is actually a target.

Ken Layne November 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

No, it's a surveyor's mark!

starfanglednut November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Gah! Beat me to it!

donner_froh November 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

Just a surveyor's mark.

Barrelhse November 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Can we call it Surveyorsmarkmas?

LesBontemps November 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

That's a good effort, Arizona, but you're gonna need a bit more to catch Florida, and New Hampshire looks like it's coming on fast in the stretch.

nonbeliever7 November 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

So…. Santa’s also compensating for some inadequacy?

elviouslyqueer November 29, 2011 at 11:51 am

That's what Mrs. Claus said.

ThundercatHo November 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

Did Mrs. Claus complain about not getting her stocking stuffed properly?

BarackMyWorld November 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm

The North Pole just doesn't point north the way it used to.

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Needs more Sleigh Nuts

PubOption November 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I've heard he only comes once a year!

VaWyo November 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

Of course they are armed. How else are they going to fight the War on Christmas?

outragedcitizen November 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I hate to tell these dipshits but the war on Christmas was lost decades ago. Even though they blame it on the Liberals, it was actually won by these same dipshits' best friend, Corporate America.

Jesus? Jesus who? Where are the best discounts on Chinese crap?

WhatTheHeck November 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

I hope they were playing christmas glock-enspiel music in the background.

KeepFnThatChicken November 29, 2011 at 11:51 am

Just a warm-up before permanently becoming a member of the angels' choir.

jqheywood November 29, 2011 at 11:57 am

Is that like a Speak'n'spell, but German and with a gun as a pointer?

Fukui_sanYesOta November 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But that gun is so delightful,
And since we're all redneck choads,
Lock and Load! Lock and Load! Lock and Load!

DemmeFatale November 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Catchy!!
Do we have an official Wonkette X-mas song?

chascates November 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

Santa and the First Amendment just don't measure up.

Lock and load, kiddies!

donner_froh November 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment

Support the second amendment = give firearms and ammunition to psychos who want to shoot members of congress.

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

I'm confused.

You say "want to shoot members of congress [sic]" as if it's a BAD thing.

Or was the lower case intentionally, i.e., you were referring to people have sex, rather than elected officials failing to do their jobs?

donner_froh November 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Or was the lower case intentionally, i.e., you were referring to people have sex, rather than elected officials failing to do their jobs?

No, that would be members in congress.

memzilla November 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

I guess all the Jewish kids have to be content with the Guns 'N Moses concert next door.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

This comment deserves more notice and appreciation. It amused me greatly. Guns and MOSES, haha, I see what you have done there.

memzilla November 29, 2011 at 11:55 am

It's Old Shool.

BarackMyWorld November 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Actually, Old Testament.

bagofmice November 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

It makes a setting for some good slash, you must admit.

Lucidamente1 November 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

They do an awesome cover of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.

LesBontemps November 29, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Front man Axl Rosenberg?

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

… and the killer lead guitar of Shmear.

horsedreamer_1 November 30, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Slash is already Jewish.

Pat_Pending November 30, 2011 at 1:35 am

Shofar, so good…

JackDempsey1 November 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

"Lookyhere, mister, I don't much care whether you dropped yourself down my chimney or skedaddled out of my anal orifice. We don't take to crimson-clad fellers stealin' our vittles and whatnot left by the fireplace. What say you leave the way you came in, or my shootin' iron'll leave your cranial contents deposited on the mantle."

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I does one drop down the chimney of a double-wide?

DaRooster November 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

What is wrong with Salted Truffles?
Oh, Assault Rifles… never mind.

EatsBabyDingos November 29, 2011 at 11:49 am

"Santa, is that a gun in your pocket, or are you Jerry Sandusky in disguise?"

prommie November 29, 2011 at 11:49 am

Santa is socialist.

SorosBot November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

Nah, he gives very few presents to the kids from poor families; he definitely supports the one percent, as he gives all the toys . . . to the little rich boys.

prommie November 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Kinky!

LesBontemps November 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

Duh, he's always depicted in red and is known for redistributing wealth to non-productive members of society.

GeorgiaBurning November 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Santa is the dream of every state security-type organization. Sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, knows if you've been bad or good- all with no judicial meddling. Combine that with cheap, well-trained staff and unbelievably good PR. Be glad the old KGB or the CIA never figured out that passing out a pile of toys one day a year gives you a free pass on everything for the other 364.

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm

They tried it in Africa for years.

SorosBot November 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

Small children, who combine incredible curiosity with being really stupid, and automatic weapons. There's no way this can go horrifically wrong.

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:54 am

Liberal Communist Pinko SKum, and the right to vote. There's no way this can go horrifically wron. . . .

Oh, never mind.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

So when they grow up and lose their curiosity, things get better?

GOPCrusher November 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm

That and the daily drunken ramblings about how Daddy lost his job to the Messicans, so there might not be presents under the tree this year.

Biff November 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

I just had a spirited discussion with an 80 year-old palooka at the gym. He keeps waxing nostalgic about AZ. I bring up the governor, Sheriff Joe, Jared Loughner. He concedes Jan Brewer needs some work and Jared Loughner is crazy but could be from anywhere, but staunchly defends Arpaio's fascist ways. When I ask why he doesn't just move back there, he says his wife couldn't handle the elevation anymore. She's been dead almost 3 years. Like Barney Frank, I'm sick of debating with dining room tables, too.

Lascauxcaveman November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it."

Neilist_Returns November 29, 2011 at 11:53 am

I LOVE Xmas!!!

memzilla November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

We know how much you would enjoy a Christmas gift of a "magazine subscription."

Chichikovovich November 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

And if you eat all your vegetables and finish your homework without us having to tell you every night, it will be a Jared Loughner brand elongated open clip magazine.

chascates November 29, 2011 at 11:54 am

Chestnuts bursting from your open fire,
Jack Frost shooting at your nose,
Yuletide blasts being shot by a choir,
And folks turning white like Eskimos.

Ramon X November 29, 2011 at 11:54 am

Happiness is a warm gun.

BarackMyWorld November 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Bang bang, shoot shoot.

MzNicky November 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm

When I hold you in my arms, And I feel my finger on your trigger, I know, no one can do me no harm.

UnholyMoses November 29, 2011 at 11:55 am

Heston, Chapter .22, verse .38:

"An armed child is a polite child," sayeth the Lord, "and there is no better way to honor me, the Prince of Peace, then by reveling with [firearms] that, in similar look and fashion, have slain millions of innocents. So let it be loaded, so let it be shot."

Amen.

ndisang67 November 29, 2011 at 11:57 am

load up people…they are coming for ya…dem browns and muslims…

chascates November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

This year the 'baggers are going to fight back against the 'War on Christmas'.

Wonderthing November 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my underage, immature, hormone crazed fingers!"

Baconzgood November 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Santa Slay?

hagajim November 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm

What the people of Arizona discovered this week is that Santa's middle name is Uzi, as in "Do Uzi what Izi"

RadiosTyrone November 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

None of that pussy-ass pepper spray for these tough guys.

actor212 November 29, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Gramma got run over by a reindeer.

It's payback time.

Master Janitor V572 November 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm

People in Phoenix, a sprawlville megalopolis that has no right to exist, have two unbearable pretensions:

(1) They call themselves "Phoenecians," which is ridiculous; and
(2) They refer to the blasted desert plain over which they sprinkle unimaginable quantities of precious water as "The Valley of the Sun," when in fact it is in no meaningful sense of the word a "valley".

So they obviously turn to guns'n'Jeebus to seek meaning in their empty, desolate lives, as Obama pointed out back in '07 or whenever it was.

102415 November 30, 2011 at 1:05 am

Last time I drove by there it was a vast smog filled depression in the side of the earth.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 10:13 am

My suggestion for Phoenix is that they make the roads just one lane wider each, so there is no room for any people.

donner_froh November 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I'll bet Christina-Taylor Green would have been in line for gun toting Santa.

Indiepalin November 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm

It's beginning to look a lot like Libya…everywhere I go…

Callyson November 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I'm pretty sure the kid in the Suns cap is ignoring what NRA types call Rule One: The Gun is Always Loaded.
Christ, the wingnuts don't even pretend to teach gun safety these days…

Buzz Feedback November 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Gold, frankinsence, myrrh and a box of hollow points so Baby J can cap a pig.

Tommy1733 November 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Child abuse.

BigDumbRedDog November 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I think I will write a screenplay. It's going to be an wingnut assault rifle version of 'A Christmas Story' and it will be excellent. Things will take a violent turn when Ralphie pulls a glock on that mean redheaded kid and it will end with an exciting multiple murder/ suicide in which Ralphie shoots slightly more than his eye out. Other exciting interludes will include Ralphie's father beating the shit out of his mom for objecting to his new lamp and Ralphie poisoning the towns supply of Ovaltine.

HistoriCat November 29, 2011 at 12:24 pm

How the Grinch Tried to Steal Christmas but Cindi Lou Who Popped a Cap in His Ass

Eve8Apples November 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Nothing says "Happy Birthday Prince of Peace" like large, fully loaded, semi-automatic rifles.

Little known Christmas fact — The Three Wise Men actually brought Mary and baby Jeebus grenade launchers, night vision goggles and Winchester repeating rifles.

CommieLibunatic November 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

what

Chichikovovich November 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Thank heavens the NRA blocked that mandatory trigger-lock legislation, otherwise it would be a sad Christmas for these lovable rapscallions.

Jmarsh04 November 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Can you just imagine the right-wing outrage if a lib posed his kid with Santa, holding a dead, aborted fetus? Everybody knows dead fetuses belong in jars on the mantle, to be passed around by family members on jesusy holidays.

An_Outhouse November 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Pardon me, while I shove my abnormal obsession down your throat. As an opera hater, there nothing I like receiving for Xmas more than a nice, glass shattering aria.

Barrelhse November 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Come on, Darwin!

DahBoner November 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Check out this video on Youtube from a Patriotic Real American, entitled:

I JUST FUCKING SHOT MYSELF

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Man, I wish they had thought of this when I was a kid. Imagine all the loot I could have gotten from Santa if I had an AK.

bebecca2298 November 29, 2011 at 1:12 pm

awww, just like jesus would do.

DahBoner November 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Lived there. Actually, it is a valley.

Mountains to the North, South mountains to the South, Superstition mountains to the East, forgot the name of the mountains to the West.

A valley surrounded by mountains on every side. A bowl that keeps the air pollution in.

OK, perhaps a better name is Valley of The Rich Rednecks, since almost everyone I knew there was a Teabagger with a Masters degree, who thought they would be rich someday, if they keep voting for Republicans…

ShitFilledExistence November 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Estrella are southwest– White Tanks are far west. (I still live here.. help meeeee !) And the people that aren't Teabaggers with Masters degrees are NASCAR dipshits, gun nuts, religious freaks, truly stupid kids (AZ ed. is terrible all the way around), and olds. I swear, the most decent people that live here are Mexicans–illegal or not.

Antispandex November 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Ah yes. What child doesn't fondly remember the first time that Santa brought a really sweet peice of deadly hardware to celebrate the birth of that violent radical, Jesus, and filled their stocking with ammo?

El Pinche November 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Wait, I've seen how this ends on Tosh.0.

Last week, they arrested the third wingnut in my subdivision who pulled a gun on his wife and/or kids in the last two years. At least we all saw it coming since they all had Gadsden flags in the front yard.

El Pinche November 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

OT: RIP Patrice O’Neal :(

GhostBuggy November 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

"Here, watch this, we guess"

No.

natoslug November 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

I don't see what the big deal is. I host a similar event for the kiddies every Valentine's and Easter at the local Pleasure Center. You should see the way their eyes light up when they get to strap on their first strap-on.

BornInATrailer November 29, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Ho-Ho-Hollow Point!

slowhansolo November 29, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Human Wallpaper on 34th Street…

subsum November 29, 2011 at 1:59 pm

What the fuck is the matter with these people?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

It seems like guns and Xmas are becoming the standard. So festive!

http://www.yardinflatables.com/Hunting-Snowman_p_

MOG2410 November 29, 2011 at 3:21 pm

wow, that beats the "Santa in the Outhouse" blow-up at Lowe's all to hell.

owhatever November 29, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I don't know how much that guy playing Santa was paid, but it wasn't enough.

Barrelhse November 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm
fletc3her November 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I certainly hope none of those pussies brought unloaded guns or had the safeties on.

outragedcitizen November 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

This is wrong on so many levels!

swordfis November 29, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I'm not thrilled about it, but if they manage to put a few slugs in the little drummer boy I'd have an easier holiday season.

ttommyunger November 29, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I haven't seen such a depressingly accurate portrayal of the American Holiday Spirit since the "Squidbillies" Christmas Special.

thefrontpage November 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm

There is a certain section of Hell reserved for all of the Arizona people involved with this, and in that certain section, Santa is Marilyn Manson, and all the wingnut gun nuts will be forced to sit on Marilyn Manson's lap with a fully loaded gun to their heads, for all of eternity.

Troglodeity November 29, 2011 at 3:43 pm

The only thing missing is TruckNutz.

stopthemovie November 29, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Remember Kids, Its better to give bullets than to receive them.

Guppy November 29, 2011 at 6:55 pm

What better way to observe the upcoming anniversary of the maiming of a librul Congresswoman and the killing of an activist judge?

Santa, Second Amendment Remedies are on my list this year!

Plowmon November 29, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I've gotten a gun for Christmas, beats the shit out of socks!

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Yeah? Socks are warmer than looking at miles of snow-covered, no-critter-in-sight countryside when your car is buried in a snow drift in the middle of nowhere.

rocktonsam November 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm

"Daddy, this gun ain't loaded, pussy Santa"

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm

"Timmy's essay today will not be on 'My favorite Christmas present.' Due to the nature of Timmy's holiday celebration with his moronic parents, Timmy's essay will be entitled, 'Ten reasons I will really miss my little brother.' Thank you for not laughing, Class."

Buckminster November 29, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Lock and load for White Jebus!

datateday November 29, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Why would you need presents when you've got a gun? Loaded question, I know!

Negropolis November 30, 2011 at 12:50 am

Obscure "Nightmare Before Christmas" reference FTW.

Pat_Pending November 30, 2011 at 1:40 am

I could take out an entire Nordstrom every time I hear that line in Winter Wonderland about building a snowman in the meadow and pretending that he's Parson Brown. So, there's that. Otherwise, total pacifist here!

(oh, and Dan Hill's Sometimes When We Touch, but that's more of a year-round problem.)

schvitzatura November 30, 2011 at 3:44 am

Nothing starts the holiday off right like a pintel-mounted Dillon Aero M134D Gatling Gun, electrically driven machine gun chambered in 7.62mm NATO and firing at a fixed rate of 3,000 shots per minute.

Made right in AZ…

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 10:12 am

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye . . . and the brains they were storing behind the eye.

comrad_darkness November 30, 2011 at 10:14 am

Slay bells ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin' (with blood) . . .

DailyGrumbles November 30, 2011 at 11:50 am

Is this the WAR on X-mas Blimey O'Rielly was talking about??

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