thanksgiving needs more guns

Arizona Gun Nuts Pose Children With Assault Rifles and Santa

Can't wait 'til Easter!Have you somehow forgotten about Arizona these past few days? Let’s remember it all over again, for the holidays! Nothing says “mythology of the peaceful savior Jesus” like an Arizona gun club hosting a Guns ‘n Santa family foto event. “I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment and those who don’t,” a local gun nut tells the teevee news in Phoenix. We heartily agree!

Here, watch this, we guess:

Family Pictures Taken With Santa, Machine Guns:

Delightful! Remember, if not for the power of massive guns, Jack Skellington might’ve stolen Christmas and given it to the Devil’s Army. [Fox Phoenix via Wonkette operative “Scott L.”]

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. MzNicky

    That whole video is practically an Onion piece, from the perky news reader gal to the machine-gun-totin' young'uns. Sweet Jesus.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      You'll shoot your eye out? No, your head will explode in a red mist and your mom will have to spend 3 hours with a bucket of bleach cleaning it up.

    2. Chichikovovich

      But with the Red Ruby Ridge "BB" Gun (wink – lots of different sizes of ball bearings, young patriots!) you can defend your tree house compound against the kids playing FBI next door.

  2. prommie

    See, below, my comment on Vermont birthers. Crazy head-asploded wingnut gun-fondling goatfuckers are crazy head-asploded wingnut gun-fondling goatfuckers who hate that the president is near.

  3. GuanoFaucet

    Not to be outdone, Texas wingnuts will hold a "pose with Santa strapped into an electric chair" event.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Arizona is planning a "deport Mexican Santa" event where they twang Pare Noel over the border fence with a trebuchet.

      1. Neilist_Returns

        When Trebuchets Are Illegal, Only Mooslim Infidels Will Have Trecbuchets!"

        [Bumper sticker last seen on an oxcart heading toward the Battle of Acre.]

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          Right next to the "Innocent III 1198" bumper sticker – tough on Mohammedans, tough on the causes of Mohammedans

  4. ManchuCandidate

    On the 12th day of Xmas my gun nut gave to me… 12 Glock 19s!
    11 Colt .45s
    10 Mac 10s
    9 AR-15s
    8 laser sights
    7 7.62mm 100 round belts
    6 M-60 machine guns
    5 Automatic fire conversion kits
    4 smoke grenades
    3 silencers
    2 flash bangs
    And one Barrett .50 cal sniper rifle with AP ammo!

    1. ThundercatHo

      Send that into American Rifleman and it will be their xmas issue centerfold. All their pants will asplode.

    2. x111e7thst

      Santa is bringing me a VSS "Vintorez" винтовка снайперская специальная
      because I have been especially good about hand polishing my cartridges to reduce the possibility of a jam.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Maybe it's just me, but in that picture I find the fact that the child is wearing a Suns hat disturbing.

  5. elviouslyqueer

    Because nothing says "Merry Christmas" like the sight of Santa gunning down Rudolph's entire family with an AK-47, amirite?

    1. ThundercatHo

      Thanks for reminding me it is deer gun season here this week so dogs get no walkies due to poachers in the park. Assholes.

    2. SorosBot

      Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
      Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
      And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
      And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
      He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
      And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger
      And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
      And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

      The night Santa went crazy
      The night Kris Kringle went nuts
      Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
      Without steppin' in reindeer guts

  6. LesBontemps

    That's a good effort, Arizona, but you're gonna need a bit more to catch Florida, and New Hampshire looks like it's coming on fast in the stretch.

    1. outragedcitizen

      I hate to tell these dipshits but the war on Christmas was lost decades ago. Even though they blame it on the Liberals, it was actually won by these same dipshits' best friend, Corporate America.

      Jesus? Jesus who? Where are the best discounts on Chinese crap?

  7. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Oh the weather outside is frightful,
    But that gun is so delightful,
    And since we're all redneck choads,
    Lock and Load! Lock and Load! Lock and Load!

  8. donner_froh

    I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment

    Support the second amendment = give firearms and ammunition to psychos who want to shoot members of congress.

    1. Neilist_Returns

      I'm confused.

      You say "want to shoot members of congress [sic]" as if it's a BAD thing.

      Or was the lower case intentionally, i.e., you were referring to people have sex, rather than elected officials failing to do their jobs?

      1. donner_froh

        Or was the lower case intentionally, i.e., you were referring to people have sex, rather than elected officials failing to do their jobs?

        No, that would be members in congress.

    1. prommie

      This comment deserves more notice and appreciation. It amused me greatly. Guns and MOSES, haha, I see what you have done there.

  9. JackDempsey1

    "Lookyhere, mister, I don't much care whether you dropped yourself down my chimney or skedaddled out of my anal orifice. We don't take to crimson-clad fellers stealin' our vittles and whatnot left by the fireplace. What say you leave the way you came in, or my shootin' iron'll leave your cranial contents deposited on the mantle."

    1. SorosBot

      Nah, he gives very few presents to the kids from poor families; he definitely supports the one percent, as he gives all the toys . . . to the little rich boys.

    2. LesBontemps

      Duh, he's always depicted in red and is known for redistributing wealth to non-productive members of society.

    3. GeorgiaBurning

      Santa is the dream of every state security-type organization. Sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, knows if you've been bad or good- all with no judicial meddling. Combine that with cheap, well-trained staff and unbelievably good PR. Be glad the old KGB or the CIA never figured out that passing out a pile of toys one day a year gives you a free pass on everything for the other 364.

  10. SorosBot

    Small children, who combine incredible curiosity with being really stupid, and automatic weapons. There's no way this can go horrifically wrong.

    1. Neilist_Returns

      Liberal Communist Pinko SKum, and the right to vote. There's no way this can go horrifically wron. . . .

      Oh, never mind.

    2. GOPCrusher

      That and the daily drunken ramblings about how Daddy lost his job to the Messicans, so there might not be presents under the tree this year.

  11. Biff

    I just had a spirited discussion with an 80 year-old palooka at the gym. He keeps waxing nostalgic about AZ. I bring up the governor, Sheriff Joe, Jared Loughner. He concedes Jan Brewer needs some work and Jared Loughner is crazy but could be from anywhere, but staunchly defends Arpaio's fascist ways. When I ask why he doesn't just move back there, he says his wife couldn't handle the elevation anymore. She's been dead almost 3 years. Like Barney Frank, I'm sick of debating with dining room tables, too.

      1. Chichikovovich

        And if you eat all your vegetables and finish your homework without us having to tell you every night, it will be a Jared Loughner brand elongated open clip magazine.

  12. chascates

    Chestnuts bursting from your open fire,
    Jack Frost shooting at your nose,
    Yuletide blasts being shot by a choir,
    And folks turning white like Eskimos.

  13. UnholyMoses

    Heston, Chapter .22, verse .38:

    "An armed child is a polite child," sayeth the Lord, "and there is no better way to honor me, the Prince of Peace, then by reveling with [firearms] that, in similar look and fashion, have slain millions of innocents. So let it be loaded, so let it be shot."


  14. hagajim

    What the people of Arizona discovered this week is that Santa's middle name is Uzi, as in "Do Uzi what Izi"

  15. Master Janitor V572

    People in Phoenix, a sprawlville megalopolis that has no right to exist, have two unbearable pretensions:

    (1) They call themselves "Phoenecians," which is ridiculous; and
    (2) They refer to the blasted desert plain over which they sprinkle unimaginable quantities of precious water as "The Valley of the Sun," when in fact it is in no meaningful sense of the word a "valley".

    So they obviously turn to guns'n'Jeebus to seek meaning in their empty, desolate lives, as Obama pointed out back in '07 or whenever it was.

    1. comrad_darkness

      My suggestion for Phoenix is that they make the roads just one lane wider each, so there is no room for any people.

  16. Callyson

    I'm pretty sure the kid in the Suns cap is ignoring what NRA types call Rule One: The Gun is Always Loaded.
    Christ, the wingnuts don't even pretend to teach gun safety these days…

  17. BigDumbRedDog

    I think I will write a screenplay. It's going to be an wingnut assault rifle version of 'A Christmas Story' and it will be excellent. Things will take a violent turn when Ralphie pulls a glock on that mean redheaded kid and it will end with an exciting multiple murder/ suicide in which Ralphie shoots slightly more than his eye out. Other exciting interludes will include Ralphie's father beating the shit out of his mom for objecting to his new lamp and Ralphie poisoning the towns supply of Ovaltine.

  18. Eve8Apples

    Nothing says "Happy Birthday Prince of Peace" like large, fully loaded, semi-automatic rifles.

    Little known Christmas fact — The Three Wise Men actually brought Mary and baby Jeebus grenade launchers, night vision goggles and Winchester repeating rifles.

  19. Chichikovovich

    Thank heavens the NRA blocked that mandatory trigger-lock legislation, otherwise it would be a sad Christmas for these lovable rapscallions.

  20. Jmarsh04

    Can you just imagine the right-wing outrage if a lib posed his kid with Santa, holding a dead, aborted fetus? Everybody knows dead fetuses belong in jars on the mantle, to be passed around by family members on jesusy holidays.

  21. An_Outhouse

    Pardon me, while I shove my abnormal obsession down your throat. As an opera hater, there nothing I like receiving for Xmas more than a nice, glass shattering aria.

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Man, I wish they had thought of this when I was a kid. Imagine all the loot I could have gotten from Santa if I had an AK.

  23. DahBoner

    Lived there. Actually, it is a valley.

    Mountains to the North, South mountains to the South, Superstition mountains to the East, forgot the name of the mountains to the West.

    A valley surrounded by mountains on every side. A bowl that keeps the air pollution in.

    OK, perhaps a better name is Valley of The Rich Rednecks, since almost everyone I knew there was a Teabagger with a Masters degree, who thought they would be rich someday, if they keep voting for Republicans…

    1. ShitFilledExistence

      Estrella are southwest– White Tanks are far west. (I still live here.. help meeeee !) And the people that aren't Teabaggers with Masters degrees are NASCAR dipshits, gun nuts, religious freaks, truly stupid kids (AZ ed. is terrible all the way around), and olds. I swear, the most decent people that live here are Mexicans–illegal or not.

  24. Antispandex

    Ah yes. What child doesn't fondly remember the first time that Santa brought a really sweet peice of deadly hardware to celebrate the birth of that violent radical, Jesus, and filled their stocking with ammo?

  25. El Pinche

    Wait, I've seen how this ends on Tosh.0.

    Last week, they arrested the third wingnut in my subdivision who pulled a gun on his wife and/or kids in the last two years. At least we all saw it coming since they all had Gadsden flags in the front yard.

  26. natoslug

    I don't see what the big deal is. I host a similar event for the kiddies every Valentine's and Easter at the local Pleasure Center. You should see the way their eyes light up when they get to strap on their first strap-on.

  27. swordfis

    I'm not thrilled about it, but if they manage to put a few slugs in the little drummer boy I'd have an easier holiday season.

  28. ttommyunger

    I haven't seen such a depressingly accurate portrayal of the American Holiday Spirit since the "Squidbillies" Christmas Special.

  29. thefrontpage

    There is a certain section of Hell reserved for all of the Arizona people involved with this, and in that certain section, Santa is Marilyn Manson, and all the wingnut gun nuts will be forced to sit on Marilyn Manson's lap with a fully loaded gun to their heads, for all of eternity.

  30. Guppy

    What better way to observe the upcoming anniversary of the maiming of a librul Congresswoman and the killing of an activist judge?

    Santa, Second Amendment Remedies are on my list this year!

    1. Buckminster

      Yeah? Socks are warmer than looking at miles of snow-covered, no-critter-in-sight countryside when your car is buried in a snow drift in the middle of nowhere.

  31. Buckminster

    "Timmy's essay today will not be on 'My favorite Christmas present.' Due to the nature of Timmy's holiday celebration with his moronic parents, Timmy's essay will be entitled, 'Ten reasons I will really miss my little brother.' Thank you for not laughing, Class."

  32. Pat_Pending

    I could take out an entire Nordstrom every time I hear that line in Winter Wonderland about building a snowman in the meadow and pretending that he's Parson Brown. So, there's that. Otherwise, total pacifist here!

    (oh, and Dan Hill's Sometimes When We Touch, but that's more of a year-round problem.)

  33. schvitzatura

    Nothing starts the holiday off right like a pintel-mounted Dillon Aero M134D Gatling Gun, electrically driven machine gun chambered in 7.62mm NATO and firing at a fixed rate of 3,000 shots per minute.

    Made right in AZ…

  34. comrad_darkness

    It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye . . . and the brains they were storing behind the eye.

Comments are closed.